If a person has co-starred in a movie with Charles Bronson or Chow Yun-fat, I’m a fan of theirs for life. Back in 2003, the lovely Victoria Smurfit played a villain in Chow’s BULLETPROOF MONK. To celebrate her birthday, I’m sharing this fight scene from the film, also featuring Jaime King. Enjoy!
As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in hosting a few weekly live tweets on twitter and occasion ally Mastodon. I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of Mastodon’s #MondayActionMovie! Every week, we get together. We watch a movie. We snark our way through it.
Tonight, for #MondayActionMovie, the film will be 1987s Survival Game! Selected and hosted by Rev. Magdalen, this movie features Mike Norris! So, you know it has to be good!
Following #MondayActionMovie, Brad and Sierra will be hosting the #MondayMuggers live tweet. We will be watching 2003’s The Rundown, starring Seann William Scott and The Rock! The film is on Prime!
It should make for a night of fun viewing and I invite all of you to join in. If you want to join the live tweets, just hop onto Mastodon, pull up Survival Game on YouTube, start the movie at 8 pm et, and use the #MondayActionMovie hashtag! Then, at 10 pm et, switch over to Twitter and Prime, start The Rundown, and use the #MondayMuggers hashtag! The live tweet community is a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.
As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on twitter. I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie! Every week, we get together. We watch a movie. We tweet our way through it.
Tonight, at 10 pm et, #FridayNightFlix has got 2011’s Goon!
It’s a hockey classic!
If you want to join us this Friday, just hop onto twitter, start the movie at 10 pm et, and use the #FridayNightFlix hashtag! It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.
Goon is available on Prime! See you there!
Yesterday, after I got home from voting in my town’s city council elections, I wanted to unwind with a tennis movie. When I did a search for “tennis,” Tubi recommended that I watch The Promotion.
I don’t know why because there is no tennis in The Promotion. No one plays a game or even talks about tennis in The Promotion. Instead, the movie is about two men who work for a grocery store and who are both hoping to get promoted. The narrator is Doug (Seann William Scott), who is married to Jen (Jenna Fischer), a nurse. Doug wants to get promoted so that he and Jen can move into a new house and so that he can be the sole breadwinner. Doug also has to get the promotion because he has already lied to Jen and told her that he got it. Doug was feeling insecure because Jen’s boss, Dr. Timm (Bobby Cannavale) saves lives for a living while Doug just spends all day dealing with angry customers and the gang members who hang out in the store’s parking lot. Doug’s rival for the promotion is Richard (John C. Reilly), a recovering drug addict who listens to self-help tapes. Each of them tries to sabotage the other. Doug tries to make Richard look stupid at a company retreat and Richard files a false injury report after Doug hits him with a bag of frozen tater tots.
I think the movie was trying to make a point about how desperate people are for status and money that they’ll do anything to get it but I didn’t care because I didn’t find Doug or Richard to be in any way likable and I didn’t want either one of them to get the promotion. I would not shop at any store where they worked because grocery shopping is bad enough without having to deal with all of that extra drama. Both Richard and Doug were terrible as assistant managers so as far I was concerned, neither one of them deserved to be promoted. Jen should have left Doug for Dr. Timm.
Plus, there wasn’t any tennis.
I was recently rewatching the 2000 film, Final Destination, and a few things occurred to me.
Number one, no one ever really thanks Devon Sawa for getting them off that plane before it explodes. Final Destination opens with a group of high school students boarding a plane so that they can go on their senior class trip to Paris. (I wish I had gone to their high school. Our senior class trip was to …. well, we didn’t get one.) When Alex Browning (Devon Sawa) has a vision of the plane exploding, he freaks out and he, his teacher, and a few other students are kicked off the plane. Needless to say, everyone’s pretty upset with Alex but then, just a few minutes after taking off, the plane does explode. Alex was right. He saved everyone’s lives.
And yet, no one ever says, “Thank you, Alex!” Instead, everyone is still like, “Hey, that’s the weirdo that ruined our trip to Paris!” No, the plane exploding is what ruined your trip to Paris. Alex saved your life! Poor Alex. And yet, it kind of makes sense. In the face of inexplicable tragedy, people need someone to blame and Alex is a convenient scapegoat.
That scapegoating continues once the survivors of the flight start to mysteriously die. No one wants Alex near them, even though Alex has managed to figure out that Death is stalking them because they messed up its plans by getting off of that plane. Then again, Alex doesn’t always come across as if he’s the most stable person in the world. Gaunt and hallow-eyed, Sawa portrays Alex as someone who haunted by survivor’s guilt even before it became obvious that he and his former friends were being targeted. Sawa, it should be said, gives a remarkably good performance in Final Destination.
Another thing that occurred to me as I rewatched Final Destination is that, in this film, Death doesn’t have much of a sense of humor. The Final Destination sequels are notorious for their elaborate and often ironic death scenes, the majority of which seem to indicate that Death might be a little bit too clever and precocious for its own good. However, in the first Final Destination, Death is a lot more direct and, in some ways, a lot more sadistic. Terry Chaney (Amanda Detmer) steps out in the street and gets run over by a bus. Goofy Billy Hitchcock (Seann William Scott — why two n’s Seann!?) makes the mistake of standing too close to the railroad tracks and he loses the top half of his head. Death really only get creative when it comes to taking out Todd Waggner (Chad E. Donella) and Ms. Lewton (Kristen Cloke) and, even then, it’s methods are nowhere near as elaborate as they would eventually become.
The final thing that I noticed is that Final Destination holds up really well. It’s hard to remember now but, when Final Destination first came out, a lot of critics dismissed it as just being a slasher film with a slightly clever twist. But actually, that twist is far more than just “slightly” clever and the film really does a lot more with the idea than it’s often given credit for. Final Destination is a film full of thrills and chills — I still freak out at some of those death scenes — but it’s also a film that always makes me think about mortality. Has our destiny already been written? Can we defeat death? Or are we just pawns with our fates predetermined? In the end, that’s what makes Final Destination so effective. We all know that we can’t escape death, both in real life and in the movies. The one thing that everyone has in common is that death is eventually going to come for all of us. It’s the one enemy that we can’t defeat or laugh away. Instead, all we can do is try to hold it off for a while. Final Destination taps into the fears that we all have.
The plot is clever. The script is frequently witty. I liked the fact the characters were all named after horror movie icons. Plus, you got Tony Todd dominating the entire film with just a brief role. Final Destination is a classic.
Here at the Shattered Lens, Leonard Wilson is our resident hockey expert. He can tell you all about the in and outs of the game in general and the New York Rangers in specific.
Myself, I know very little about hockey. Here’s what I do know:
Six years ago, I started my review of Goon by admitting that I didn’t know anything hockey so not much has changed. However, while I still may not know much about hockey, I am currently obsessed with the Winter Olympics. And, of course, hockey is a big part of the Winter Games. Since I’m currently watching movies about winter sports, today seemed like the perfect time to watch 2016’s Goon: The Last of The Enforcers and get caught up on the story of Doug Glatt.
Who is Doug Glatt? As played by Seann William Scott, Doug Glatt is probably one of the nicest guys that you could ever hope to meet. He’s not particularly smart. He’s the type who responds to almost comment with a slightly confused smile. He tend to take things literally. But he’s a genuinely sweet guy and it’s impossible not to like him.
Except, of course, when he’s on the ice. Doug is a semi-pro hockey player, playing for the Halifax Highlanders. Even his biggest fans will admit that Doug isn’t the best hockey player of all time. However, no one can throw a punch like he can. Doug’s an enforcer. His specialty is beating up the opposing team. When his coach (Kim Coates) needs to intimidate the other team, he sends Doug out with orders to beat someone up. Doug has no problem breaking someone’s nose but he usually apologizes afterward. He’s known as The Thug.
Doug is married to Eva (Allison Pill), who loves hockey but, now that she’s pregnant, she worries about Doug getting seriously injured. These worries come true when Doug gets into a fight with Anders Cain (Wyatt Russell), a fearsome enforcer on another team. (Anders just happens to be the son of the owner of the Highlanders.) Cain not only leaves Doug crumpled up on the ice but he also injures Doug’s right shoulder, making it difficult for Doug to throw a punch with his right hand. It appears that Doug’s playing days are over. Doug ends up working in the storage room of an insurance company while the Highlanders continue on without him. Adding insult to injury, Anders is soon signed by the Highlanders and given Doug’s old position as team captain.
As much as Doug tries to move on, he keeps finding himself drawn back to hockey. When he runs into a former rival, Ross Rhea (Liev Schreiber), who is now making a living as a glorified gladiator, Doug realizes that he can learn how to fight with his left fist. But with Eva not wanting him to fight anymore, Doug is forced to decide which team he’s going to play for, the Highlanders or his family?
Especially when compared to the first Goon, Goon: Last of the Enforcers is an extremely busy film. Beyond Doug trying to adjust to life off the ice, the film also deals with Anders Cain’s relationship with his father, the locker room shenanigans of the Highlanders, Ross Rhea’s attempt to make a comeback, and the antics of obnoxious sports reporter Chad Bailey (T.J. Miller). That’s a lot for one film to deal with and it’s not surprising that the end result is an uneven mishmash of raunchy comedy and sports-themed melodrama. Whereas the first Goon worked because it kept things simple and sincere, Goon: Last of the Enforcers is way too complicated for its own good.
That said, as played by Seann William Scott, Doug is just as likable as he was in the first film and Scott and Allison Pill still make for an adorable couple. In fact, the entire cast does a pretty good job, especially Wyatt Russell and Liev Schreiber. The film doesn’t really work but, for fans of the first film, it’s still enjoyable enough. If nothing else, it’s nice to see how things work out for Doug Glatt.
Originally, I wasn’t planning on ever seeing Movie 43.
Remember Movie 43? That’s the comedy with the huge ensemble cast that came out in January and stayed in theaters for about a week. The trailers looked terrible, the commercials looked terrible, and finally, the reviews were terrible. In fact, the reviews were so terrible (Richard Roeper called it the Citizen Kane of bad movies) that, at first, I was perfectly content never to see it.
However, as time passed, I continually heard Movie 43 referred to as being one of the worst films ever made. Every 12 months, I post my picks for the 26 worst films of the year and I knew that Movie 43 was one of those films that would either appear on that list or, if it didn’t, I would have to be willing to defend the title’s absence.
I realized that before I could either defend or condemn, I would have to sit through the movie. After all, I figured, it’s only 90 minutes of my life.
90 minutes that I’ll never get back, I might add.
Movie 43 is an anthology film in which 13 separate comedic sketches are loosely linked together by one overarching story. For the most part, this is a film that was presumably made both for adolescent boys and for men who still think like adolescent boys. Most of the humor is derived from bodily functions and there’s a real strain of misogyny running through the entire film. However, the film’s problem is not that it’s crude and misogynistic but that it manages to be so dull about being crude and misogynistic. If you think its hilarious when Meg is insulted on Family Guy or when Seth McFarlane smirks after making an anti-Semitic comment, you might enjoy Movie 43 but the rest of us are going to find far less to enjoy.
Oddly enough, there are actually two different versions of Movie 43 in circulation. In the version that was released in U.S. theaters, the various vignettes are tied together by a story in which an insane director (Dennis Quaid) pitches scene after scene to a callous movie executive (Greg Kinnear). In the version that was released in the UK, they’re linked together by a story about 3 teenagers searching for the most offensive film ever made. To be honest, both versions are pretty stupid but I prefer the one about the 3 teenagers, if just because that way I can pretend that neither Dennis Quaid nor Greg Kinnear had anything to do with this movie.
As for the sketches themselves, there’s 13 of them and they are a mixed bag as far as both humor and quality are concerned:
1) The Catch (dir by Peter Farrelly)
Kate Winslet and Hugh Jackman go on a blind date. Jackman has testicles hanging from his neck and only Winslet thinks this is an odd thing. This skit goes on forever.
2) Homeschooled (dir by Will Graham)
Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts explain how they’re making sure that their teenage son is getting the full high school experience despite the fact that he’s being homeschooled. They do this through a combination of hazing and incest. This skit worked pretty well, mostly because of the dedication that Schreiber and Watts brought to their absurd roles.
3) The Proposition (dir by Steve Carr)
Uhmm…yeah. So, this is the skit that opens with Anna Faris asking Chris Pratt to defecate on her. I skipped over it because, quite frankly, life is too short.
4) Veronica (dir by Griffin Dunne)
Neil (Kieran Culkin) is working the night shift at a depressing grocery store when his ex-girlfriend Veronica (Emma Stone) comes in. They argue about who infected who with an STD. Little do they realize that Neil has accidentally turned on the intercom and everyone in the store can hear them. I actually kind of liked this short skit. Culkin and Stone had a lot of chemistry and it was well-directed by Griffin Dunne. Plus, it only lasted 2 minutes and, therefore, ended before the joke got old.
5) iBabe (dir by Stephen Brill)
The iBabe is an MP3 player that happens to look like a life-size nude woman. Unfortunately, a fan was built into the iBabe’s vagina and now, teenage boys are being dismembered while fingering and fucking iBabe. Richard Gere plays the President of the company that makes iBabe. I’ve never thought of Richard Gere as being a comedic actor and his performance here does nothing to change that.
6) Superhero Speed Dating (directed by James Duffy)
Robin (Justin Long) goes speed dating and Batman (Jason Sudekis) tries to mess things up for him. This skit – which also features (and wastes) Uma Thurman, Kristen Bell, and Bobby Cannavale – is so incredibly bad that I don’t even know where to begin. Between this film and his appearance in last year’s The Conspirator, I’m having to rethink my slight crush on Justin Long.
7) Machine Kids (directed by Jonathan Von Tulleken)
This commercial parody asks us to consider the children who work inside copiers and vending machines and how they are effected when we criticize those machines for not accepting our dollar. This was actually so weird that I couldn’t help but love it.
8) Middleschool Date (dir by Elizabeth Banks)
7th grader Amanda (Chloe Moretz) is having her first “middle school” date with Nathan (Jimmy Bennett) when she starts her first period. In response, Nathan and his older brother (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) panic. Believe it or not, this was actually one of the better parts of Movie 43, if just because the scene’s humor comes not from Amanda getting her period but instead from how every male around her descends into histrionics as a result. It helps that this was the only part of Movie 43 that was both written and directed by women. It also helps that director Elizabeth Banks is so clearly on Amanda’s side. The end result is one of the few moments in Movie 43 that doesn’t feel misogynistic.
9) Tampax (dir by Patrik Forsberg)
This is another fake commercial. Two girls are at the beach. One uses tampax tampons and the other doesn’t. Guess which one gets eaten by a shark? As opposed to the previous skit, this bit of menstrual humor was obviously written and directed by a man (and the message, not surprisingly, is “Ewww! Girls are scary and dangerous!”) but I’m going to have to admit that this one made me laugh if just because, like Middleschool Date, it reminded me of some of the period horror stories that I used to hear (and believe) back when I was younger. (Though I was raised to be more concerned about bears than sharks…)
10) Happy Birthday (dir by that noted comedian, Brett Ratner)
Pete (Johnny Knoxville) kidnaps an angry leprechaun (Gerard Butler) and gives it to Brian (Seann William Scott). The leprechaun’s equally angry brother (also played by Gerard Butler) shows up and violence ensues. Watching this skit was like being told a joke by someone who has no sense of humor.
11) Truth or Dare (dir by Peter Farelly and Patrik Forsberg)
Halle Berry and Stephen Merchant are on a first date and Merchant has testicles on his neck…oh wait. Sorry, that was Hugh Jackman and Kate Winslet’s skit. In this skit, Berry challenges Merchant to game of truth or dare. It escalates as the dares get continually more and more outrageous. Whoops? Did I say outrageous? I meant to say stupid and oddly dull. Watching this skit was like listening to a someone who has no sense of humor continue to tell a joke even though everyone else has already guessed the punchline.
12) Victory’s Glory (dir by Rusty Cundieff)
In this parody of “inspirational” sports movies, Coach Jackson (Terrence Howard) speaks to his basketball team before they play their first game against an all-white team. The gist of the speech is that Jackson’s team is going to win because they’re black and the other team is white. This skit started out strong but, like a lot of Movie 43, it ran on for a bit too long.
13) Beezel (dir by James Gunn)
This was actually my favorite part of Movie 43. Unfortunately, since Beezel shows up in the middle of the end credits, I get the feeling that a lot of disappointed audience members had probably already walked out of the theater before it even began. Beezel is a cartoon cat who has an unhealthy obsession with his owner (Josh Duhamel). When Duhamel’s girlfriend (played by Elizabeth Banks) catches Beezel masturbating to pictures of Duhamel in a swimsuit, Beezel responds by plotting her demise. Beezel was actually the only part of Movie 43 that truly felt edgy and unpredictable. This is largely because this segment was directed by James Gunn, one of the few truly transgressive artists currently working in mainstream film.
So, here’s the question: is Movie 43 the worst film of 2013 as so many critics have claimed? A few isolated moments aside, Movie 43 is pretty bad. Even the parts of the film that do work can’t hope to compete with the pure horrifying incompetence of that parts that don’t. However, thanks largely to James Gunn and Elizabeth Banks, it’s still a smidgen or so better than Tyler Perry’s Temptation. (For all of its failings, Movie 43 never suggests that AIDS is God’s way of punishing wives who stray. Nope, for that message, you have to go to Tyler Perry.)
Movie 43 is not the worst film of 2013.
It just seems like it.
Hi there! Continuing my effort to get caught up, here are six more films that I saw earlier this year but, for whatever reason, had not reviewed yet.
1) Ai Weiwei: Never Sorry (dir by Alison Klayman)
One of my favorite films of 2012 was this revealing documentary about the Chinese artist and activist Ai Weiwei. Filmed over the course of two years, this film follows Ai as he uses the tools of social media to try to stand up to the oppressive Chinese government. In the film’s strongest scenes, Ai reveals how the government attempted to cover up the massive destruction of the 2008 Sichuan Earthquake. For his efforts to give identities to the victims of this natural disaster, Ai is beaten by the police and eventually imprisoned.
Ai WeiWei: Never Sorry is a film that should be seen by anyone who thinks that any greater good can be accomplished by sacrificing personal freedom.
2) Goon (dir by Michael Dowse)
Based on a true story, Goon tells the story of Doug Glatt (played, in a winning performance, by Seann William Scott), a Boston bouncer who joins a minor league hockey team. Eventually, he gets called up to play in Canada and faces his idol (and new rival) Ross Rhea (played by Liev Schreiber) on the ice. Along the way, he also romances a hockey groupie (Alison Pill) and befriends a burned out teammate (Marc-Andre Gondrin).
I have to thank Arleigh for suggesting that I see Goon because, otherwise, I probably wouldn’t have given this film a chance. I don’t know much about sports in general and I know even less about hockey. (Leonard is our resident hockey expert here at the Shattered Lens.) However, Goon turned out to be a truly pleasant surprise, a sports film that even someone like me can enjoy.
While the film’s plot may be predictable, director Dowse and his cast tell the story well and they all manage to strike the perfect balance between humor, melodrama, and sentimentality. Seann William Scott is usually not thought of as being a versatile actor but, on the basis of his performance here, he deserves to be reevaluated. Williams makes Doug Glatt into a truly likable thug and he and Alison Pill make for a very cute and likable couple. When you start watching Goon, you know where the journey is going to lead you but that doesn’t make the trip any less enjoyable.
3) Headhunters (dir by Morten Tyldum)
In 2012, one of the best thrillers to be released in America was this import from Norway. Roger Brown (played by Askel Hennie) is Norway’s most successful corporate headhunter. Along with having a beautiful wife, Roger also has a mistress and all the other material trappings of wealth. Despite this, Roger is insecure over only being 5’6 and he deals with his insecurity by pursuing a second, secret career as an art thief. When Roger discovers that Clas, his latest client, is having an affair with his wife, Roger breaks into Clas’s apartment and steals a valuable painting. However, it turns out that Clas is not only a trained mercenary but he’s also a psychotic killer and soon, he’s pursuing Roger.
Headhunters is a truly exciting film, one that actually keeps the audience guessing with each twist and turn. Best of all, the film features a truly memorable lead performance from Askel Hennie. Playing the type of character who, in the past, would have been played by Klaus Kinski, Henie makes his sleazy character into an odd likable and compelling hero.
4) Jeff, Who Lives At Home (dir by Jay and Mark Duplass)
Jeff (Jason Segal) is a 30 year-old unemployed stoner who lives in his mother’s basement and who spends his day obsessing on the movie Signs and talking about his belief in Destiny. One day, he gets a phone call from some one asking for “Kevin.” Jeff reacts by finally leaving his mom’s basement and searching for this mysterious Kevin. Meanwhile, Jeff’s brother (Ed Helms) is convinced that his wife (Judy Greer) is cheating on him and Jeff’s lonely mom (Susan Sarandon) spends her workday at work getting messages from a secret admirer.
Not much happens in Jeff, Who Lives At Home and the film dares you to get as annoyed with Jeff as everyone else in his family. However, when taken on its own mellow terms, this is an enjoyable and occasionally even moving film. It helps if you really like Jason Segal and seriously, who doesn’t? Susan Sarandon gives a touching performance as well and the filmmakers make excellent use of Helms’ needy persona.
5) The Philly Kid (dir by Jason Connery)
Dillon (Wes Chatham) is a college wrestler who is wrongly convicted for the murder of a police officer. After spending ten years in prison, Dillon is paroled and returns to his home in Baton Rouge. Managed by his friend Jake (a manic Devon Sawa), Dillon becomes a cage fighter and ultimately finds himself fighting for his life against corrupt promoters and a crooked cop.
The Philly Kid is a pretty uneven film. The plot will never surprise you and, halfway through the film, The Philly Kid descends into over-the-top melodrama. However, both Chatham and Sawa give good performances and, as directed by Jason Connery, the film’s many fight scenes are vivid and exciting to watch. The film was filmed in Baton Rouge and it makes good use of the Louisiana atmosphere.
The Philly Kid may ultimately just be a genre film but it’s a well-done genre film.
6) Safety Not Guaranteed (dir. by Colin Trevorrow)
Kenneth (Mark Duplass) is the type of person that we’ve all met at some point in our life. He works as a clerk in a grocery store and spends his time talking about his dead girlfriend and how secret agents are watching his every move. He also claims to have built a time machine and posts a classified ad where he asks for someone to volunteer to go back in time with him. The ad is spotted by Jeff (Jake M. Johnson), a smarmy magazine writer in Seattle who travels to Kenneth’s hometown in order to investigate (and, it’s later revealed, track down an ex-girlfriend). Accompanying the reporter is Darius (played by Aubrey Plaza), a disillusioned intern who has her own reasons for wishing that she could go back into past. Following Jeff’s orders, Darius approaches and befriends Kenneth by claiming to be interested in his ad. While the well-meaning but paranoid Kenneth trains her for their trip into past, Darius finds herself falling in love with him…
Safety Not Guaranteed is one of those low-key, sweet natured films that I simply can’t help but love. The film views it’s damaged characters with a wry compassion and it wraps up its story with one of the best endings of 2012. Aubrey Plaza is best known for being sarcastic on Parks and Recreation but, with this film, she shows that she’s capable of doing a lot more.
Through the Shattered Lens 