Horror On The Lens: Invitation to Hell (dir by Wes Craven)

Posted on October 27, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

There’s one rule in life that should never be forgotten.

Any movie that opens with Susan Lucci casting a hex that causes a man’s head to explode is going to be worth watching.

That’s certainly the case with Invitation to Hell, a 1984 made-for-TV movie that was directed by Wes Craven and which casts Lucci as Jessica Jones, an insurance agent who lives and works in an upper class suburb in Southern California. Jessica not only sells insurance but she also runs the ultra-exclusive Steaming Springs Country Club! Anyone who is anyone in town is a member of Steaming Springs! That include Matt Winslow (Robert Urich) and his family. Matt soon comes to suspect that something strange might be happening at the club. Fortunately, Matt’s spacesuit comes with a flame thrower, a laser, and a built-in computer that can determine whether or not someone is actually a human being. (Wearing the space helmet means viewing the world like you’re the Terminator.) Soon, it’s science vs. magic as Matt dons the suit and tries to rescue his family from country club living!

Totally ludicrous and a lot of fun, this is a film that has a little bit for everyone — familiar television actors, flamethrowers, space suits, demonic possession, exploding cars, and even a little bit of social satire as the film suggests that living in the suburbs is a terror even without weird country clubs and chic spell casters.

Killdozer (1974, directed by Jerry London)

Posted on October 16, 2025 by Jedadiah Leland

Six construction workers (played by Clint Walker, Carl Betz, Neville Brand, James Wainwright, James A. Watson, and Robert Urich) are boated to an isolated island off the coast of Africa. An oil company has assigned them to build an airstrip on the island. On the first day of work, they come across a meteorite buried in the ground. When one of the men tries to pick up the meteorite with the bulldozer, a blue light envelops the bulldozer and, at the same time, fatally injures Robert Urich. Possessed by the meteorite, the bulldozer starts to track the remaining workers down, killing them one-at-a-time. It’s a killdozer!

Based on a short story by Theodore Surgeon and made-for-television, Killdozer asks the question, “Have you ever seen a big, bulky bulldozer attempt to sneak up on someone?” Given that Killdozer is not fast and it’s not very agile, it should be easy to escape it but the construction keep doing dumb things, like getting drunk or trying to hide inside a copper tube instead of just running away. The surviving men wonder how they are going to make it until help eventually arrives. Maybe if you hear Killdozer coming, you should could just step to the side or maybe you could even run behind Killdozer. Instead, the construction workers keep trying to fight it head-on. Every time Killdozer pauses from noisily rolling across the island and sits still because it senses one of the workers might be nearby, I’m reminded that Killdozer is an absolutely ludicrous film but that it’s also wonderfully strange and that it’s also impossible to enjoy it on some level.

The cast is good and, for the most part, so is the straight-forward, waste-no-time direction. The Killdozer deserved an Emmy and maybe its own series but instead, it just had to settle for cult stardom.

Music Video of the Day: Rappin’ Rodney by Rodney Dangerfield (1983, directed by ????)

Posted on August 23, 2023 by Jedadiah Leland

I’m running behind today so I’m going to keep things simple and funny for our music video of the day. Here’s Rodney Dangerfield performing Rappin’ Rodney. This is taken from his 1983 TV Special I Can’t Take It No More. Joining Rodney on stage are Robert Urich and Andy Kaufman.

Enjoy!

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.13 “El Kid/The Last Hundred Bucks/Isosceles Triangle”

Posted on May 10, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Welcome aboard! Get ready for tonal whiplash on this week’s episode of The Love Boat!

Episode 2.13 “El Kid/The Last Hundred Bucks/Isosceles Triangle”

(Dir by Allen Baron, originally aired on December 9th, 1978)

Wes (David Madden) and Renee Larson (Dena Dietrich) are happy to be setting sail with their friend and business partner, April (Rue McClanahan). They’re even more excited when the widowed April meets Van Milner (Dabney Coleman), a recently divorced businessman. Not only is April falling in love with Van but it also appears that Van might even be willing to join the board of April’s hospital and invest some of his money into fixing the place up. Except, of course, Van lost his job over a year ago and he really doesn’t have that much money left. April is crestfallen to discover that Van is not the wealthy man that she believed him to be. Was he just romancing her for her money? When Van wins a few thousand dollars at the craps table, he donates the money to the hospital and April realizes that he was being honest about his feelings towards her.

This was a pretty predictable story and April was way too quick to forgive Van for his dishonesty but it was interesting to see an actor like Dabney Coleman, someone who brought a naturally cynical edge to any character that he played, on a show like The Love Boat. As played by Coleman, Van seemed to be suffering from very real inner pain. For once, the emotional drama on The Love Boat felt, if not quite real, then at least credible.

Speaking of pain, that’s what Larry (Robert Urich) and Cybill Hartman (Heather Menzies) had waiting for them when they took the Love Boat to Mexico so they could adopt a baby. Upon arriving at the local orphanage, they were told that the mother of their baby had changed her mind and would not be giving up her baby after all. Instead, Larry and Cybill left with 12 year-old Pepito (Gabriel Melgar), a little brat who steals Larry’s watch and sells it on the boat. When Larry gets upset, Pepito grabs an inflatable lifeboat and prepares to jump overboard. Fortunately, Larry and Cybill talk him out of it and he agrees to be their son and to stop stealing stuff. This was an annoying story, largely because Pepito was so whiny. It was hard not to feel that Larry and Cybill deserved better than having to raise Pepito.

Finally, Julie’s friend, Karen Maynard (Connie Stevens), boards the boat and both Captain Stubing and Doc Bricker spend the entire voyage pursuing her because it’s not like the Captain and the ship’s doctor would actually be expected do their job while the ship is floating in the middle of the ocean. Gopher, Ike, and Julie take bets on who Karen will choose but, in the end, Karen chooses neither because both Doc and Stubing decide to respect the other’s feelings and stop pursuing Karen. This whole storyline was silly because there was really no doubt about who Karen would have picked. Seriously, anyone who is a passenger on a cruise is automatically going to fall for the captain because the captain is the most powerful person on the boat. But, on the plus side, the storyline showed off the chemistry between all of the show’s regulars. It was likable, even if it never quite felt plausible.

This was an episode about which I had mixed feelings. The three storylines were so tonally dissimilar that they didn’t really seem that they all should have been happening on the same cruise. Plus, Pepito was the most obnoxious orphan since the kids on One World. I’m glad things worked out for Dabney Coleman, though.

Retro Television Review: Love Boat 1.21 “Taking Sides/Going By The Book/A Friendly Little Game”

Posted on January 18, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s time to once again experience the magic of The Love Boat!

Episode 1.21 “Taking Sides/Going By The Book/A Friendly Little Game”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on February 18th, 1978)

This week’s episode begins with the extremely nerdy Howard Wilson (Harvey Jason) preparing to board the ship. Before he does so, he’s approached by his best friend, Bernie (Paul Sylvan). Bernie gives Howard a book on how to talk to women. Apparently, this is something that Howard’s not good at but Bernie swears that the book will change his life. There’s a Roy Lichtenstein-style picture of a man and a woman kissing on the cover of the book so Howard decides that Bernie knows what he’s talking about.

On the boat, Howard immediately notices Sheila Lawrence (Georgia Engel). However, Sheila’s overprotective father (Herb Voland) has specifically asked Captain Stubing to make sure that no one seduces his daughter. The captain assigns Doc Bricker (Bernie Kopell) to keep an eye on her, which makes absolutely no sense. Over the course of the last twenty episodes, Doc has yet to meet a woman who he has not hit on. Doc is a walking HR nightmare and quite frankly, I would be kind of uncomfortable going to him for a medical examination. He seems like he would be a little bit handsy, if you get my drift.

Anyway, Doc turns out to be pretty bad at his job because Howard still manages to hit on Sheila. Of course, Howard’s just doing what the book tells him to do. Eventually, though, he realizes that he doesn’t need the book and Shelia realizes that she needs to spend more time on her own happiness and stop worry about what her father wants. Yay! It’s another Love Boat success story,

Meanwhile, Scott (Robert Urich) and Ellen (Diana Canova) are newlyweds who seem to be totally in love until they make the mistake of having dinner with an old married couple, Max (Robert Mandan) and Gladys (Audrey Meadows). Listening to Max and Gladys bicker soon leads to Scott and Ellen bickering and it looks like their marriage might be over. But again, the magic of The Love Boat leads to everyone realizing that bickering is a part of marriage and that you can still love someone even if you disagree with them. Yay! Robert Urich and Diana Canova were such a cute couple. They just looked like they belonged together.

Finally, poor old Wendell Snead (Harry Morgan) is taking his wife on a cruise that he can’t really afford. In fact, he secretly took out a mortgage on their house in order to buy the tickets. Wendell has plan, though! He has a set of marked playing cards and he beats Gopher at several games of gin rummy. When the crew discovers that he’s been cheating, their initial reaction is to cheat back. But when they learn why he’s been cheating, they give him all the money from the ship’s emergency fund. Awwwwww!

This was a sweet episode. Yes, the stuff with the book and the overprotective father was pretty stupid but the other two stories were entertaining. Harry Morgan’s melancholy performance was the episode’s stand-out. The fact that the crew gave him money instead of calling the cops brought tears to my mismatched eyes. Nicely done, Love Boat.

What will happen next week? We’ll find out in seven days!

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 1.10 “Dear Beverly/The Strike/Special Deliver”

Posted on November 9, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Come aboard! We’re expecting you!

Episode 10.10 “Dear Beverly/The Strike/Special Delivery”

(directed by Allen Baron, originally aired December 3rd, 1977)

Tonight’s voyage is all about misunderstandings!

For example, Beverly Blanchard (Eva Gabor) is an advice columnist who has built a career out of helping people work their way through misunderstandings. When she boards the Love Boat, she is swarmed by fans who all want her advice. She even leads a little seminar by the pool, in which she asks people if they have any problems that she can help with. Unfortunately, what she doesn’t understand is that her husband, Russ, is feeling neglected. Usually, I would say that Russ should stop feeling sorry for himself but Russ is played Leslie Nielsen, who is so superlikable in his stiffly earnest way that it’s hard not to have some sympathy for him. When Beverly finds out that Russ has been spending time with another passenger (Stephanie Blackmore), she writes a column in which she announces her retirement so that she can give Russ the attention he deserves. Personally, I would think a better column would be about why husbands shouldn’t cheat on their wives, especially with someone who they’ve known for less than 24 hours.

Speaking of cheaters, Jeff Smith (Robert Urich) cheated on his wife, Gail (Pamela Franklin), and now they’re separated. When Jeff boards the ship, he tries to pursue a romance with Julie but he quickly admits that he’s still hung up on his wife. What Jeff doesn’t know is that Gail is also on the ship and she’s 9 months pregnant! Now, considering that this is The Love Boat, it probably will not surprise you to learn that Gail goes into labor while on the boat and it’s up to Doc and Jeff to deliver the baby while the rest of the crew waits outside. Fortunately, the baby makes it and Jeff and Gail get back together. But what about Jeff cheating on Gail? Well, Gail takes responsibility for that, saying that she drove him to it. I was expecting at least one member of the crew to tell her that Jeff was responsible for his own decisions but instead, everyone nodded alone. Like, what the Hell?

Meanwhile, Captain Stubing was upset to learn that Chef Antonio Borga (Al Molinaro) was going to be in charge of the ship’s kitchen for the cruise. Apparently, there was bad blood between the two. When Borga refused to work, Stubing attempted to prepare dinner himself. The results were disastrous but the Chef respected the Captain for trying. And perhaps Chef Borga realized that Captain Stubing could probably get him fired for insubordination. Well, the important thing is that everyone came to an agreement and people got to eat.

This was a weird episode. The Chef storyline seemed like filler. The other two stories both featured women making excuses for cheating husbands. If this episode wanted to remind me that The Love Boat is very much a show of the 70s, it succeeded. This episode had a lot of boat but not a lot of love.

Hopefully, next week’s cruise will be a bit less problematic.

Retro Television Reviews: Invitation to Hell (dir by Wes Craven)

Posted on October 30, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1984’s Invitation to Hell. It can be viewed on YouTube!

There’s one rule in life that should never be forgotten.

Any movie that opens with Susan Lucci casting a hex that causes a man’s head to explode is going to be worth watching.

That’s certainly the case with Invitation to Hell, a 1984 made-for-TV movie that casts Lucci as Jessica Jones, an insurance agent who lives and works in an upper class suburb in Southern California. Jessica not only sells insurance but she also runs the ultra-exclusive Steaming Springs Country Club! Anyone who is anyone in town is a member of Steaming Springs! Of course, joining Steaming Springs requires going through a strange ceremony in which you walk into a mist-filled room. Jessica says that the room is called “the Spring” and that it contains everything that someone would need to be happy. However, one need only consider that the film is called Invitation to Hell to guess that Jessica might not be completely honest.

Matt Winslow (Robert Urich) and his family have just moved into the suburbs. Matt’s an engineer whose job involves designing a state-of-the-art space suit. Matt is a little bit annoyed when Jessica starts pressuring him and his family to join the country club. He’s even more perturbed when his wife (Joanna Cassidy), upon returning from the mist-filled room, starts acting and dressing just like Jessica. Matt soon comes to suspect that something strange might be happening, especially after his own daughter attacks him! Fortunately, Matt’s spacesuit comes with a flame thrower, a laser, and a built-in computer that can determine whether or not someone is actually a human being. (Wearing the space helmet means viewing the world like you’re the Terminator.) Soon, it’s science vs. magic as Matt dons the suit and tries to rescue his family from country club living!

Invitation to Hell is totally ludicrous but also a lot of fun. Robert Urich is properly stolid as the hero while the film itself is, not surprisingly, stolen by Susan Lucci. Lucci is totally and wonderfully over-the-top as Jessica, playing the role with the same cheerfully unapologetic intensity that made her a daytime television star. This is a film that has a little bit for everyone — familiar television actors, flamethrowers, space suits, demonic possession, exploding cars, and even a little bit of social satire as the film suggests that living in the suburbs is a terror even without weird country clubs and chic spell casters.

Interestingly enough, this made-for-television film was directed by none other than Wes Craven! The same year that this film was broadcast, Craven directed a little film called A Nightmare on Elm Street. While Invitation to Hell might not be in the same league as that classic shocker, it’s still an enjoyably campy horror flick.

Revolver (1992, directed by Gary Nelson)

Posted on September 27, 2022 by Jedadiah Leland

In Revolver, Robert Urich plays an FBI agent who, for some reason, is not named Johnny Revolver. Instead, his name is Nick Suster. When a drug bust goes wrong and Nick accidentally shoots an innocent bystander in the head, he retires from the FBI and announces that his days of carrying a gun are over. But then he’s approached by his former boss and asked to take one last special assignment.

Nick goes undercover, offering his services as a bodyguard to the head of Spanish Mafia, Aldo Testi (David Ryall). Testi agrees to hire Nick and, to celebrate their new arrangement, they go to a strip club where the dancers dress like cowgirls and all the patrons are given small cap guns that they can fire at the stage. (How could that possibly go wrong?) Of course, one man has a real gun and uses it to shoot Nick. The gunman tells Aldo that he’ll be next and then runs off. Then Aldo runs off, leaving Nick to possibly die. Eventually, someone calls 9-1-1 and Nick goes to the hospital.

Nick survives being shot but now he’s in a wheelchair. After spending a month or two feeling bitter, Nick plays one game of wheelchair basketball and decides that it’s time to get on with his life. Defying the orders of his superiors, Nick flies to Barcelona and tries to learn why he was shot and who was responsible. After recruiting a broke college student (Jordi Molla) to serve as his legman, Nick sets out to get revenge.

It’s not a bad premise and the film benefits from being filmed on location in Barcelona, which is one of Spain’s more photogenic cities. Unfortunately, Revolver is a good idea searching for and failing to find a compelling story. It doesn’t take long for Nick to become not only comfortable with his wheelchair but also combat proficient with it as well. It also defies credibility that Testi would not be suspicious of Nick still wanting to work for him even after Testi previously left him for dead. Even when it’s revealed that Testi is dealing in something far more powerful and dangerous than just drugs, the revelation doesn’t carry any weight. The low budget of this made for television production is obvious when one major cliffhanger is resolved off-screen and dismissed with just two lines of dialogue.

At the time of his death in 2002, Robert Urich held the record for having starred in the most primetime network television shows. He starred in 15 shows. Since Revolver was obviously meant to be a pilot, he could have starred in 16 if it had been better received. In the role of Nick, Urich gives a typically workmanlike performance. He’s credible but a little boring. The movie does not help him by having him adopt the phrase “Wherever you go, there you are,” as a philosophy. Urich gives a sincere reading of the line but it’s impossible to hear it without thinking of Gary Cole in The Brady Bunch Movie.

Revolver would not lead to a series. Robert Urich would have to wait another four years before he starred in his 13th series, UPN’s Lazarus Man.

Horror on The Lens: Invitation to Hell (dir by Wes Craven)

Posted on October 14, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today’s horror on the lens is a made-for-tv movie directed by Wes Craven.

First televised in 1984, Invitation to Hell is a wonderfully over-the-top depiction of what happens when an engineer (Robert Urich) sells out and goes to work for a big evil corporation. Long story short, Satan (in the form of Susan Lucci) takes over his family. Admittedly, this film does start slowly but, in the end, it’s a lot of fun.

18 Days of Paranoia #6: Scandal Sheet (dir by David Lowell Rich)

Posted on March 19, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

“So be it,” journalist Helen Grant dramatically announces as she lifts up her camera and starts snapping pictures of a body in a casket, “I’m …. a ….. WHORE!”

That is just one of the many wonderfully, over-the-top moments that can be found in the 1985 film, Scandal Sheet. Directed by David Lowell Rich, Scandal Sheet stars Burt Lancaster as Harold Fallen. If this movie were being made today, Fallen would be in charge of a TMZ-style website. Since this movie was made in the 80s, Fallen is the publisher and editor of a sleazy tabloid magazine. He specializes in stories about aliens and ghosts. When someone brings him in a story about the ghost of Grace Kelly haunting the beaches of Malibu, he announces, “Front page!” When someone else tells him about a woman who wants to marry a man from outer space but who can’t find anyone to perform the ceremony, Fallen arranges to get the woman a lawyer.

When Fallen isn’t tracking down ghosts and arranging for interplanetary marriages, he’s trying to destroy celebrities. When the film begins, he’s obsessed with taking down Ben Rowan (Robert Urich). We’re told that Ben Rowan is one of the world’s top movie star. (It’s important that we’re told this because there’s nothing about Urich’s bland performance that would lead us to suspect that to be the case.) Ben’s career is in trouble because he’s got a drinking problem. He just got out of rehab but no insurance company is willing to insure him. His wife, Meg North (Lauren Hutton), is demanding that Ben be cast in her latest movie. Everyone in Hollywood is like, “No way.”

It has the potential to be a big story and Fallen wants to be the first to break it. But to do so, he’s going to need an inside source. That’s where Helen Grant (Pamela Reed) comes in. Helen was Meg’s college roommate and she’s still friends with both her and Ben. Fallen decides to hire Helen to work for his magazine. The only problem is that Helen is a serious journalist. She writes stories about homeless children. She has no desire to work for a tabloid.

“I’ll pay you more than you’re making right now,” Fallen tells her.

Helen’s not interested.

“I’ll pay you $80,000 a year.”

Helen’s interested.

Against her better judgment, Helen accepts Fallen’s offer. At first, things seem okay. She’s a bit annoyed with having to work with a sleazy photographer named Simon (Peter Jurasik, giving a wonderfully reptilian performance) but she’s got a nice house and her son is going to a good school and she gets to use the company credit card and she even gets a housekeeper out of the deal!

Then Fallen tells her that her next assignment is to write about Meg and Ben. Helen refuses but she soon discovers that Howard Fallen is not an easy person to refuse. Not when he’s got people watching your every move, along with paying your housekeeper to spy on you. When her former boss (Max Wright) angrily tells her that no reputable magazine will ever work with her again, Helen is left with only two options: Become a whore or starve.

Scandal Sheet is a lot of fun. Just the fact that the main bad guy is named Howard Fallen should tell you almost everything you need to know about this movie. He’s Fallen — as in a fallen angel. At the end of the movie, he even wears all black with a white tie, which we all know is the typical modern-day costume of demons pretending to be human. (At one point, Fallen even says that he’s going to make someone an offer that they can’t refuse, giving us all a chance to see what The Godfather would have been like if Burt Lancaster had played Don Vito.) Lancaster gives a charismatic performance and he’s so effortlessly manipulative that it’s hard not to enjoy watching him, even if he is destroying innocent people. The rest of the cast is okay. As I said earlier, Robert Urich was a bit too bland to be a convincing film star but Pamela Reed does a good job of capturing Helen’s struggle to decide whether to side with good or evil and Lauren Hutton tears into the scenery with just the type of ferocity that a film like this requires. Late in the film, when she spits in Helen’s face, it’s the most dramatic spitting that you’ll probably ever see.

Scandal Sheet is an enjoyably over-the-top, anti-press melodrama. Watch it with someone who you would be willing to sell out for $80,000 a year.