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Horror Film Review: The Amityville Horror (dir by Stuart Rosenberg)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Based on a true story!

(Or maybe not. Actually, probably not…)

This 1979 film tells the story of George and Kathy Lutz (James Brolin and Margot Kidder), a young married couple who move into a big house in Amityville, New York. George and Kathy are having financial trouble so it’s good thing that they were able to find such a nice house at such a low price. Of course, it’s possible that the house was cheap because it was built on a native burial ground. Plus, the previous owners were murdered by their son, who later claimed that he was possessed by evil spirits. The house has a less than savory history but then again, what house doesn’t?

Anyway, strange things start to happen as soon as the Lutzes move in. Noxious black liquid floods the plumbing. Crosses are turned upside down. Their priest (Rod Steiger) gets violently ill when he attempts to bless the house. George starts to act weird, getting angry at strange moments and walking around with an ax. Kathy’s daughter from a previous marriage says that she’s made a new imaginary friend named Jodie and, apparently, Jodie doesn’t like George or her babysitter. Flies swarm through the house and weird noises are heard in the middle of the night. Kathy has nightmares. George screams, “I’m coming apart!” Even the family dog seems to be worried about the house, especially after a secret room is discovered in the basement.

Could the house be possessed!? Is a terrible, other worldly evil trying to destroy the George and Kathy? Will the Lutzes be able to escape and hopefully make a lot of money by selling their story? Watch the film and find out. And, if for some reason, you can’t watch this film, you can watch one of the dozen or sequels or maybe even the remake…

The original Amityville Horror was based on a book that claimed to tell the true story of the Lutzes. For the record, it is generally agreed that Ronald DeFeo murdered his family in Amityville, New York and that George and Kathy Lutz later moved into the DeFeo house. It’s also known that the Lutzes left the house after 30 days. The Lutzes claimed that the house was possessed. Others said that the Lutzes left because they couldn’t afford the house payments. Regardless of why the Lutzes actually left, the book that claimed to tell their story was a best seller.

As for the film adaptation, The Amityville Horror is frequently described as being a classic of horror cinema. However, I have to admit that, whenever I’ve tried to watch it, I’ve always ended up giggling after the first ten minutes or so. Some of that is because the film is such a blatant rip-off of The Exorcist, right down to including a bratty child with a invisible friend and a troubled priest who struggles with his faith. Just as The Exorcist featured Linda Blair throwing up on Max von Sydow and Jason Miller, The Amityville Horror seems to take a good deal of unsavory delight in tormenting Rod Steiger. From the minute he first shows up, the house really has it out for him. He gets swarmed by flies. He gets physically ill. His car stops working on him. It’s like, seriously, just leave Rod Steiger alone!

(Interestingly, Don Stroud plays Steiger’s protegee and their relationship is largely reminiscent of the relationship between Father Merrin and Father Karras in The Exorcist. Later, a police detective shows up and acts exactly like Lee J. Cobb’s Detective Kinderman. Val Avery, who plays the detective, even bears a resemblance to Lee J. Cobb. Considering just how successful The Exorcist was, it’s not surprising that the Amityville Horror would be influenced by it but, again, it’s still hard not to be a little bit amazed at just how blatant a rip-off Amityville really is.)

When the film isn’t tormenting Steiger, it’s concentrating on George going crazy. Unfortunately, as played by James Brolin, George seems to be in a permanently cranky mood even before he and Kathy move into their new home. Once the Lutzes movie into the house you find yourself wondering if George is possessed or if he’s just a jerk? Sometimes, it’s hard to tell. One thing is for sure: shortly after moving into the house, George becomes absolutely obsessed with chopping firewood and polishing his ax. I know the sight of Brolin with that axe is supposed to be ominous and scary but I have to admit that I started to laugh every time he started chopping away. Far more convincing was Margot Kidder in the role of Kathy but the film really didn’t give her much to do other than scream and worry about why her husband was always in such a sour mod.

Anyway, the most interesting thing about The Amityville Horror is that this rather slow and derivative film was such a box office success that it’s been followed by 20 sequels and one remake! Someday, when I’m feeling really, really brave, I’ll get around to reviewing all of the Amityville films. Until then, I leave you with George Lutz and his beloved ax.

October Positivity: The Crossing (dir by John Schmidt)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 1994 film, The Crossing, tells the story of two teenage friends.  Jason (Kevin Downes) and Matt (David A.R. White) used to be cheerful juvenile delinquents.  But now, Matt is dying of what appears to be leukemia and Jason …. well, Jason’s in denial.  Jason does not want to admit that his best friend is going to die.  But then his best friend does die and Jason really doesn’t have any choice to admit it.  But then, at Matt’s funeral, Matt suddenly shows up and starts talking to Jason.

That’s right …. MATT’S BACK!

Unfortunately, Matt’s only back for a little bit and only Jason can see him.  Having died, Matt has not only witnessed Heaven but also discovered that it’s really difficult to get in.  He takes Matt to a heavenly court where they watch as another one of their friends is condemned to Hell by a sympathetic but firm-handed judge.  Matt also visits the big computer room where all of the records are kept.  He’s given a big dot-matrix printout that lists all of his sins.  There’s a lot of them!

However, Jason tells Matt that there’s still hope for him and then invites him to come check out Heaven.  They just have to walk over a wooden cross that is used as bridge between Purgatory and Heaven.  Underneath the bridge is Hell and no one wants to go down there.  However, no sooner have Matt and Jason crossed over than Jason notices that his mother is following them!  And she can’t see the bridge!  Uh-oh!

The Crossing is an early example of the Christian scare film, where the main message is that, if you displease God, you’ll go to Hell and suffer for all eternity.  Obviously, that’s a very cinematic message and these films always seem to spend a good deal of time in trying to find new ways to visualize Hell.  That said, I’ve always felt like that message was a bit counter-productive.  Instead of emphasizing what Jesus preached and what the Church is supposed to stand for (even if it rarely lives up to its own standards), these films instead seem to say, “Convert or we’ll punish you forever.”  People will do a lot of things under the threat of eternal pain and damnation but I’m a bit skeptical as to how sincere any of those actions will be.  Indeed, many evangelical films seem to take a bit too much pleasure in imagining people being condemned to Hell.  There’s definitely an element of, “You think you’re so smart but we’ll get the last laugh!” to these films.  That’s not exactly the best attitude.

That said, The Crossing is slicky produced and it gets a lot of mileage out of its low budget.  The scene in the computer room actually had a few intentional laughs as Matt marveled at how business-like and matter-of-fact all the record keepers were.  They were just doing their jobs with an attitude that said, “We’ve seen things you can’t even imagine.”  Who wouldn’t want that job?  Still, one has to wonder why Matt got to go see all of this and change his life but his friend who was condemned to Hell didn’t.  That doesn’t seem quite fair.

Horror on TV: Ghost Story 1.7 “Half a Death” (dir by Leslie H. Martinson)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

On tonight’s episode of Ghost Story, Pamela Franklin plays two roles.  She plays both Christina Burgess and Lisa (hey!), the twin sister who Christina has never met.  When Lisa mysteriously dies (boooo!), Christina finds herself haunted by her sister’s ghost.  But is the ghost benevolent or is the ghost seeking revenge?

Co-written by Richard Matheson, this episode originally aired on November 3rd, 1972.

The TSL’s Horror Grindhouse: Dolls (dir by Stuart Gordon)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Sitting out of the middle of nowhere, there’s a house. And in this house, there lives an old man and an old woman. They appear to be very friendly, the type who will happily open up their home to anyone needing a place to stay and have a cup of coffee. They make dolls for a living. They make the type of dolls that smirk at you whenever you trip and that glare at you whenever you say that you don’t care about toys. They’re living dolls and they’re actually kind of vicious. Don’t get on their bad side.

That is exactly the mistake that a few people make when they arrive at the house on one stormy night. Two punk rock girls with exaggerated British accents make the mistake of trying to find something to steal. Uh-oh, here come the dolls! A self-centered man and his wife make the mistake of not caring about their daughter. The dolls aren’t going to stand for that!  Seriously, the dolls may be cute but if they don’t like you, you are doomed!

The dolls, however, do like the daughter. And they appear to be willing to tolerate Ralph, the goofy traveling salesman who made the mistake of picking up the two punk rock girls while they were hitchhiking. Will the dolls continue to like the daughter and Ralph or will they eventually turn on everyone in the house? They may be small but again, you seriously do not want to get these dolls mad.

First released in 1986, Dolls is a seriously strange movie from director Stuart Gordon and producer Charles Band. There’s a lot of good things to be said for Dolls. The house is atmospheric. The dolls are truly creepy. The acting really isn’t that bad, though I do think most viewers won’t necessarily miss the two punks girls.  The movie does take the characters and the dolls in some unexpected directions. But the movie’s tone is all over the place. It starts out as a broad comedy before then turning into a surprisingly violent and bloody horror film and then it turns into this strangely macabre family drama. The movie can’t seem to decide whether it wants you touch your heart or scar your soul. Imagine Home Alone if the movie kept all the heart-warming stuff but then had the kid brutally kill the burglars and laugh while stuffing their corpses in a furnace and you have some idea of what the tone of Dolls is like.

It’s an odd film but it’s hard not to like. Stuart Gordon’s direction is energetic and, since the movie only has a running time of 77 minutes, the whole thing feels like an extra weird episode of Tales From The Crypt or The Twilight Zone. Even the film’s mix of humor and disturbing violence feels strangely appropriate, as if the film itself is an adaptation of a particularly grisly fairy tale.

Watch Dolls and you’ll never look at a toy the same way again!

Horror Film Review: The Wasp Woman (dir by Roger Corman)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Aging sucks!

I mean, let’s just be honest about that. No one wants to get older. No one wakes up in the morning and thinks to themselves, “Yay! I’m one day closer to death!” People do not celebrate the appearance of a wrinkle or a laugh line. No one is happy when their vision gets blurrier or when they start to ache more and more frequently. No one wants to get old! That’s a simple truth and it’s the truth that is at the heart of the 1958 film, The Wasp Woman.

Directed by B-movie maestro Roger Corman, The Wasp Woman tells the story of Janice Starlin (Susan Cabot). Janice owns a cosmetic company. She’s made a fortune helping people defy their age. Unfortunately, the company’s sales are down because Janice herself cannot defy the passage of time. She’s looking older and apparently, people across the world are saying, “Why would I buy makeup for a mortal? I only buy my makeup from ageless mythological goddesses, who never age.”

So, Janice does what anyone would do. She tries to find a way to stop herself from getting old. When she discovers that a scientist is experimenting with using the enzymes from the royal jelly of a queen wasp to reverse the aging process, she agrees to fund his work. However, she has one condition. She has to be the test subject …. which, now that I think about it, makes absolutely no sense. Surely Janice could hire someone else to be the test subject before undergoing a highly experimental and unproven scientific process herself. I mean, Janice is extremely wealthy! Or maybe Janice could just hire a model to be the new face of her company. Or she could retire and take her millions to Europe and spend the rest of her life living in luxury. My point is that it seems like Janice is acting a bit impulsively here.

Anyway, Dr. Eric Zinthrop (Michael Mark) reluctantly agrees to Janice’s demands. He really needs the money, I guess. And if Janice dies, it’ll just means that he’ll probably go to prison for life. He certainly won’t ever be allowed to experiment with any more wasps. Is anyone in this movie capable of thinking ahead?

At first, the experiments seem to work. After one weekend, Janice looks 20 years younger! However, there is an unfortunate side effect. Janice occasionally transforms into a wasp/human hybrid! Uh-oh! That’s not good….

Clocking in at barely 70 minutes, The Wasp Woman is an entertainingly daft movie. As I’ve already pointed out, this is one of those movies where so much drama could be avoided if people would just consider the possible consequences of their actions. That said, the pace is fast and Susan Cabot is enjoyably bitchy in the role of Janice. The Wasp Woman costume manages to be both ludicrous and effective at the same time. Laugh? Scream? Why not do both!?

In the end, this is a silly but entertaining movie. If nothing else, it proves that sometimes it’s best just to accept that no one stays young forever.

One final note: This film has a great poster, even if it is totally misleading.

Retro Television Review: One World 1.11 “The Thanksgiving Show” and 1.12 “The One Where Sui and Alex Walk”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Fridays, I will be reviewing One World, which ran on NBC from 1998 to 2001.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

The Cast of One World

When we last checked in with One World, Jane was dating Ben’s no good brother and Ben was dating a recovering alcoholic named Alex.  How much drama will this all lead to?  Let’s find out.  After all, we’re living in one world….

Episode 1.11 “The Thanksgiving Show”

(Directed by Chuck Vinson, originally aired on November 28th, 1998)

The holidays are approaching and the Blakes are a family divided.

Cray is heading to Disneyland with a previously unmentioned friend, “Bobby DeVito.”  (I assume he’s a mix of Robert De Niro and Danny De Vito.)  Ben and Marci are throwing a charity benefit for the homeless at Miami’s hottest under-21 club, The Warehouse.  Offended that Ben is only using his benefit to promote his music career, Neal is planning on giving out food to the homeless on his own.  Meanwhile, Sui is waiting to hear whether or not she’s gotten a try-out with the U.S. Olympic team and Jane is worrying that the Blakes won’t have the type of big, traditional Thanksgiving that she’s always secretly wanted.

Sui’s an Olympic-class athlete?  Where did that come from?  And Jane is secretly obsessed with turkey and yams?  Again, it kind of comes out of nowhere.  But you know what?  This was actually a pretty effective episode and both Michelle Krusiec (as Sui) and Arroyn Lloyd (as Jane) gave good performances that convinced the viewer that yes, Sui could go to the Olympics and yes, under her tough exterior, Jane actually could be a lover of big family holidays.  And even if the benefit storyline was a bit heavy-handed, it was still heartfelt and sincere.  Sitcoms are kind of notorious for bad holiday episodes but One World did a pretty good job as far as Thanksgiving was concerned.

This episode ended with a cliffhanger as Sui was injured in an auto accident.  How would this effect her Olympics dreams?  The answer was in the very next episode.

Episode 1.12 “The One Where Sui and Alex Walk”

(Directed by Chuck Vinson, originally aired on December 5th, 1998)

Sui returns from the hospital and, saying that rehab hurts too much, she abandons her Olympics dreams.  But then, for some odd reason, Cray decides that he wants to play the harp and Sui figure that if Cray can handle everyone in the world laughing at him, she  can handle the pain.

Actually, I know that sounds like I’m being snarky but this was a pretty good episode and the entire cast really delivered, even when the dialogue got a bit heavy-handed.  Speaking as someone who has broken her ankle more than a few times, this episode did a very good job of capturing the fear and uncertainty that comes from recovering from a major injury.

Meanwhile, Alex left Ben because it was totally obvious that he’s in love with Jane.  And Jane left Bryan because it was totally obvious that Jane only liked Bryan because he shared Ben’s DNA.  Now that they’re both single, will Ben and Jane get together?

We’ll find out next week!

Horror on the Lens: The Night Stalker (dir by John Llewelyn Moxey)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

For today’s horror on the lens, we have a real treat!  (We’ll get to the tricks later…)

Long before he achieved holiday immortality by playing the father in A Christmas Story, Darren McGavin played journalist Carl Kolchak in the 1972 made-for-TV movie, The Night Stalker.  Kolchak is investigating a series of murders in Las Vegas, all of which involve victims being drained of their blood.  Kolchak thinks that the murderer might be a vampire.  Everyone else thinks that he’s crazy.

When this movie first aired, it was the highest rated made-for-TV movie of all time.  Eventually, it led to a weekly TV series in which Kolchak investigated various paranormal happenings.  Though the TV series did not last long, it’s still regularly cited as one of the most influential shows ever made.

Anyway, The Night Stalker is an effective little vampire movie and Darren McGavin gives a great performance as Carl Kolchak.

Enjoy!

October Positivity: Nite Song (dir by Russell S. Daughten)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Wow, Iowa’s a dangerous place.

The 1978 film, Nite Song, takes place on the mean streets of Des Moines, Iowa.  Pete (Bobby Hoffman) and his best friend, Joe (Tom Hoffman), are neighbors in the local tenement.  They also both play on the high school basketball team.  In fact, the only reason that this movie is over an hour long is because there’s about five minutes of slow motion basketball footage.

Life’s not easy in Des Moines.  The local drug lord wants Pete to work for him.  Joe’s sister is addicted to heroin and his father is out of work.  Joe has recently become a Christian, which Pete finds to be kind of strange.  Even stranger is that Joe often sits outside on the balcony of the tenement and sings a song called I Will Serve Thee.  Later in the film, another character will spontaneously start singing I Will Serve Thee while staring up at the night sky.  I guess that’s the “nite” song of the title but what’s interesting is that the film itself isn’t a musical.

Anyway, the local drug lord wants Joe to help him rob the local pharmacy.  Joe refuses so the dealer refuses to give Joe’s sister any more heroin.  Joe and Pete decide to start following the drug dealer around town, in order to gather enough evidence to find a way to stop him.  Unfortunately, that plan doesn’t really work out that well.  Joe ends up with a knife in his back and Pete is left to struggle with whether he should go to the police or just sit out on the balcony and pray about it.  It turns out that all of the other kids at the high school are also Christians, specifically because of Joe.  They decide to clean up the streets themselves!  Fortunately, that won’t be hard because there’s only three criminals in Des Moines and they all hang out together….

It’s actually probably a little bit too easy to be snarky about a film like Nite Song, if just because it’s a low-budget, amateur film about life and death in Iowa.  But actually, the film deserves a bit more credit than I’m giving it.  Taken on its own terms, it’s actually an achingly sincere and earnest film and, as opposed to a lot of other faith-based films, it never makes the mistake of getting preachy or being overly judgmental.  (The film’s sympathetic portrayal of Joe’s drug-addicted sister actually deserve a good deal of praise.)  Even though the actors are all obviously amateurs and the singing gets a bit weird, everyone brings a certain authenticity to their roles.  This is a film about Iowa that was actually populated with people who were from Iowa and yes, that does make a difference.

Plus, there’s something charmingly naïve about the idea of the high school basketball team taking out the local drug dealers.  All those weapons and tough talk prove useless against a 15 year-old with a dream and jump shot.  Nite Song‘s a well-intentioned film.  Des Moines has nothing to be ashamed of.

Horror on TV: Ghost Story 1.6 “Alter Ego” (dir by David Lowell Rich)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

In tonight’s episode of Ghost Story, a sickly child is upset when he becomes to ill to continue going to school.  Luckily, his doppelganger shows up and starts going to school for him!  Unfortunately, it turns out that the doppelganger isn’t quite as benevolent as one might hope.

This episode co-stars Oscar-winner Helen Hayes and was co-written by Richard Matheson.  It originally aired on October 27th, 1972.

The TSL’s Horror Grindhouse: Food Of The Gods (dir by Bert I. Gordon)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Uh-oh! Something weird has bubbled up to the ground on an island near British Columbia and a farmer and his wife (played by John McLaim and Ida Lupino) foolishly decided to feed it to their farm animals! Soon, they’ve got giant chickens! And listen, that might sound like a good thing to some but I’ve spent enough time around farms to know that giant chickens are not a good thing! Seriously, normal-sized chickens are messy enough. Giant ones? I don’t even want to thinking about it.

Unfortunately, it’s not just the chickens that are eating the food. Rats are eating the food. Wasps are eating the food. All of the animals are turning into giants and now, they’re hunting humans! After his best friend is attacked and killed by giant wasp, a football player named Morgan (Marjoe Gortner) decides to investigate on his own. You would think that a football player would be busy preparing for his next game or something like that but no, not Morgan! Morgan’s determined to find out why there are giant animals off the coast of Canada.

Of course, Morgan isn’t the only one interested in the so-called Food of the Gods. There’s also Jack Bensington (Ralph Meeker), who owns a dog food company. Jack wants to sell the food. Why would Jack want to do that? Does he actually think that causing dogs to transform into giants who would undoubtedly try to kill their masters is somehow going to be good for his company’s reputation? Jack’s main motivation seems to be that he’s a businessman and, in this film’s moral universe, that automatically makes him one of the bad guys. But it seems like even an evil businessman would know better than to kill off all of his customers.

This 1976 film, which is loosely (very loosely) based on a novel by H.G. Wells, was directed by Bert I. Gordon and, if you think the plot sounds a little ludicrous …. well, it is. Nothing about the film really makes much sense but that’s kind of to expected from a Bert I. Gordon film. Gordon specialized in making films about giants destroying stuff. The films were never particularly good but Gordon obviously understood that American filmgoers love big things. Food of the Gods, as silly as it may be, apparently made a lot of money when it was first released.

Today, of course, it’s impossible to watch the film without noticing just how terrible the special effects are. Between the unconvincing use of super-imposed images and the obviously fake rats that are tossed at some of the actors, there’s not a single shot that doesn’t somehow look totally ridiculous. In fact, it’s all so silly and obviously done on the cheap that it becomes rather charming, or at least as charming as the superimposed image of giant wasp ever could possibly be. You have to admire the film’s determination to tell its story despite not having the resources to do so. As for the rest of the film, it’s dumb but it doesn’t take itself too seriously. If you’re specifically searching for a bad giant animal movie, The Food of the Gods is fun in its own goofy, nonsensical, low-budget way.