Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 3.13 “Down and Out In Soho” and 3.14 “When Al Met Dawn”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Smart and streetwise!

Episode 3.13 “Down and Out in Soho”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 30th, 1999)

So, I guess the reality show is still a thing.  This episode begins with Ms. Nobel telling the Gang that she’s spoken to the show’s producer and she thinks it would be a good idea for them to do a community service project.  I find myself asking this every review but seriously …. how is this any of Ms. Nobel’s business?  Is Ms. Nobel a producer on Reality House now?

Anyway, the community service project involves hanging out with a bunch of Romanian immigrants.  This leads to a lot of scenes featuring the immigrants speaking in broken English and thick accents while the audiences laughs it up.  For a show that was supposedly all about celebrating diversity, City Guys certainly did enjoy poking fun at people with thick accents.

When Dawn comes across Euri, one of the Romanians, sleeping on the streets, she invites him to come live at the loft.  Jamal warns that the guy could be a thief but he’s outvoted by his loftmates.  Euri moves into the Loft and promptly steals a computer.  At first, Dawn is disillusioned and swears she’ll never help another immigrant.  Fortunately, Jamal and Dawn then run into Euri at a coffeehouse and he explains that his name is actually Joey and he’s from New Jersey.  Upon discovering that she was robbed by an American instead of a Romanian, Dawn feels a lot better.

In the B-plot, Cassidy starts a folk act with L-Train and Chris and pretends to be a bad singer so that Chris and L-Train will quit the group.  But if Cassidy wanted to be a solo act, why was she working with L-Train and Chris in the first place?

It was a bit of a confusing episode.  Apparently, everyone is watching the reality show but no one recognizes Chris or Jamal when they’re in public.  And we never actually see a camera crew filming the group.  If the Loft is full of cameras, wouldn’t they have  captured Euri/Joey stealing the computer?

Hopefully, this next episode will make more sense….

Episode 3.14 “When Al Met Dawn”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 6th, 1999)

“After two months of Reality House,” Cassidy says as the episode begins, “the best part is that you really get to know your roommates.”

“The worst part,” Jamal says, “is you really get to know your roommate.”

Actually, for the past two and a half seasons, the characters on this show have exclusively hung out with each other, to the extent that it almost seems like they’re in a Ms. Nobel-centered cult.  It also seems like they should already know each other.

Speaking of getting to know each other, Dawn and Al are working on a science project together and they end up falling for each other and you know what?  They’re actually a cute couple.  However, Dawn is worried about the pressure of pursuing a relationship while on a reality TV show.  “I mean, look at Gwyneth Paltrow and Ben Affleck!” she says, “Their relationship was killed because no one would leave them alone!”  

Wow, Ben and his love life have been pop culture reference points for a while now.

(By the way, Dawn and Al’s science project is a big bulky television mounted on the handlebars of a bicycle.  The idea is that you can watch TV while pedaling but it seems like it would just cause more accidents than anything else.)

Since Dawn and Al are keeping things a secret, L-Train sets Al up on a date with another girl.  When the girl kisses Al, Dawns sees them and freaks out.  At the science fair, Dawn humiliates Al by accusing him of cheating.  Ms. Nobel, who has nothing better to do, tells Dawn that it was actually all her fault for trying to keep things a secret.  (Ms. Nobel isn’t wrong but again, why does Ms. Nobel have to get involved in everything?)  Dawn hijacks that Manny High radio station and asks Al to meet her at their favorite coffeehouse.  Of course, everyone else from the reality show and the school all show up at the coffeehouse so that they can watch Al and Dawn get back together.  It’s kind of cringey but, again, they’re a cute couple.

Meanwhile, Chris and Jamal are in love with the building’s new superintendent.  So, the Loft is actually in a real building as opposed to just being a Big Brother-style set?  I’m starting to think this show is not a realistic look at reality television.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 1.20 “Memories of You / Computerman / Parlez Vous?”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

It’s Valentine’s Day on The Love Boat!

Episode 1.20 “Memories of You / Computerman / Parlez Vous?”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on February 13th, 1978)

It’s time for the annual Valentine’s Day cruise!  On Valentine’s Day, only singles are allowed to board the Love Boat.  Everyone, even the members of the crew, wears a heart-shaped nametag.  Julie has decided to liven things up by hiring Nick Heider (Frankie Avalon), who claims that his computer can decide who is compatible and who isn’t.  Captain Stubing is hoping that the computer will set him up with someone because apparently, Stubing is tired of being single.  To be honest, that really doesn’t make much sense.  When you’re the captain of the ship, you’re going to get laid on Valentine’s Day.  It doesn’t matter if you’re bald, middle-aged, and take yourself a little bit too seriously.  A captain has power and power is an aphrodisiac.

Nick turns out to be kind of sleazy, with his wide collars and his unbuttoned shirts.  Nick also has a crush on Julie and he wants her to take part in his compatibility survey.  Julie says that she doesn’t believe that computer can decide who is compatible.  If Julie doesn’t believe in Nick and his computer, why did she hire him for the cruise?

As you can probably guess, Nick fills out a survey for Julie anyway.  The computer pairs them together and Julie and Nick actually do fall in love, though I have a feeling we will never again see or hear about Nick after this episode.  Meanwhile, Captain Stubing is told that the computer can’t find any matches for him.  The Captain is pretty depressed until all of the computer-selected couples start fighting.  I would think that people taking a dislike to each other would be a problem on Valentine’s Day cruise but whatever.  The computer fails and Stubing smiles smugly.

While this is going on, Gopher is recruited to act as a translator for two French women (Barbi Benton, Susan Silo) who are on the cruise.  Gopher’s French turns out to be really bad but fear not.  It turns out that the French women are actually Americans and they speak perfect English.  They’re just pretending to be French in order to attract wealthy men.  Jamie Farr and Danny Dayton nearly fall for the scam but then Gopher hears the women speaking English and he exposes them.  Of course, despite ruining their scam, Gopher still gets a (temporary) girlfriend out of it when Brigitte (played by Barbi Benton) turns out to be very forgiving.

Finally, Doc thinks that he’s found his soulmate for the cruise when he spots jingle writer Lilly Mackin (Patty Duke).  However, Lilly can’t stop looking at another passenger named Ted (Ricky Nelson).  Lilly swears that Ted looks just like Alex, her former partner who mysteriously vanished.  Doc suggests that Ted might be suffering from stress-related amnesia.  Fortunately, Ted falls in love with Lilly and, after she kisses him, he starts to slowly remember bits of his past life as Alex.  That’s the power of Valentine’s Day on The Love Boat!

I loved this episode.  I took French in high school and college and I used to be really pretentious about it so I definitely related to Brigitte and Yvonne.  And the amnesia story was just intriguing enough to hold my attention.  Finally, I could help but laugh at how impressed everyone was with Nick and his match-making computer.  There was nothing that Nick said that sounded different from what we currently hear in Match.com and EHarmony commercials.  That said, I agree with Julie.  Romance should be spontaneous and unpredictable, not pre-programmed.

The Valentine’s Day cruise was success!  Will the success continue?  We’ll find out next week!

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 2.4 “Best Seller/The Tomb”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Fantasy Island has a desert?  Read on to find out more.

Episode 2.4 “Best Seller/The Tomb”

(Dir by George McCowan, originally aired on October 14th, 1978)

Fantasy Island can be a strange place.

Just consider the fantasy of Neville Marlowe (Barry Sullivan).  Marlowe is an archeologist who has devoted his life to seeking the tomb of a lost Egyptian pharaoh who is believed to have been King Tut’s twin brother.  His fantasy is to finally find the tomb and to explore it with his wife (Shelley Fabares) and his associate (David Opatoshu).  He wants to do this even though the tomb, if it does exist, is said to be cursed.

Mr. Roarke informs Marlowe that he’s in luck.  There’s an archeological dig currently taking place on the island and there’s a good chance that it might finally lead to the discovery of the tomb….

Now, this brings up some interesting issues.  First off, the dig is taking place in the desert.  Since when has Fantasy Island, a tropical paradise, had a desert?  Secondly, even if you accept that idea that Fantasy Island is home to a large desert, why exactly would it also be home to the tomb of an Egyptian pharaoh?  Though the show always kept it a bit vague as to just where exactly the island was located, it’s always been suggested that it’s near Hawaii.  The actual natives of the island (as opposed to Mr. Roarke and Tattoo) all appear to be Polynesian.  When the guests get off the plane at the start of each episode, they’re given a lei and a tropical drink.  My point is that there’s never been anything about the show that would suggest that Fantasy Island is anywhere near Egypt.  Certainly, it’s possible that an Egyptian ship may have landed at Fantasy Island at some point in the past, just as it’s possible that ancient Egyptians also landed in South America.  But still, there’s no reason why a pharaoh would be buried on Fantasy Island as opposed to along the banks of the Nile.

It makes no sense but, for whatever reason, the tomb is indeed on Fantasy Island.  Entering the tomb leads to Marlowe’s wife having several nightmares about being wrapped up like a mummy.  It’s nicely creepy but it doesn’t lead to anything.  Because Marlowe decides to send the artifacts to Egypt as opposed to sending them to a British museum. he is spared the curse.

Meanwhile, Barney Hunter (Desi Arnaz, Jr.) is a bookstore clerk who suffers from crippling shyness.  His fantasy is to be a best selling author so Mr. Roarke informs him that he is now the author of the world’s most popular book about sex and, as a result, hundreds of his fans are coming to the island to meet him.  The problem with that, of course, is that Barney is a virgin.  So, you have to wonder why Mr. Roarke would make Barney the world’s leading expert on sex when he doesn’t know anything about it.  My guess is that Mr. Roarke thought it would be funny but it’s actually kind of mean-spirited.  Anyway, Barney meets Angela (Maureen McCormick), who is also a virgin.  They fall in love but Angela’s mother (Gloria DeHaven) refuses to allow Angela to see a man who has written a “filthy book.”  Again, it’s hard not to feel that Roarke is having a little fun at Barney’s expense.  Fortunately, things work out in the end and that’s good.  Arnaz and McCormick were a cute couple.

Finally, Tattoo entered a jingle contest and won!  Unfortunately, it turned out that first prize was a trip to Fantasy Island.  Mr. Roarke had a good laugh about that one and I have to admit that I did too.  Fantasy Island just has a way of sweeping you up in all of its silliness. 

Music Video of the Day: Is There Someone Else? by The Weeknd (2023, dir by Cliqua)


Since today’s music video of the day is the latest video from The Weeknd, I guess now would be an appropriate time for me to make a confession.

For years, I misspelled The Weeknd’s name.  I spelled his name with three e’s instead of two.  I think I even did it on this site a few times.  No one ever called me out for it, which seems like a good thing as long as you don’t give it too much thought.  But seriously, one reason why I haven’t shared any other videos from The Weeknd is because I’ve always been kind of embarrassed by the fact that it took me so long to realize that there were only two e’s in his stage name.

Anyway, that’s my confession and I feel better now!  As for the video …. eh.  It’s kind of creepy.  Watching it, I found myself thinking about 80s De Palma.  I also found myself thinking about Daniel Craig saying, “It’s the Weeknd,” on Saturday Night Live.  Did Craig know that his introduction would become a meme?  And, even more importantly, did he know how to spell the Weeknd’s name?

Enjoy!

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 3.9 “Not a D’Amata” and 3.10 “Kristy’s Other Mother”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

The Tornadoes go to California!  But first, we have to sit through some crap about Vince and his brother….

Episode 3.9 “Not a D’Amata”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 11th, 1997)

It turns out that Vince has a bother named Nick (played by Michael Sullivan’s real-life brother, Billy).  Where has Nick been over the past season and a half?  He has been in Paris, at music school.  When he returns from France, Vince is shocked to discover that Nick has gone from being just like Vince to being someone who wears a beret, speaks fluent French, and writes poetry!  Vince is so upset that Nick has switched from being one stereotype to another, he rejects his brother.  Fortunately, Michael points out that not everyone is a three-point shooter and not everyone is a …. well, he uses a lot of basketball terms.  The important thing is that Vince accepts the new Nick.

(If this episode were made today, it would be about Nick coming out and Vince struggling to accept it.  But, since this episode is from 1997, it’s instead about Vince freaking out over Nick wearing a beret.)

While this is going on, Mary Beth and Kristy throw a fund raiser for the library.  Apparently, they’re going to raise money by having Coach Fuller throw balls through a basket.  Unfortunately, Fuller keeps missing his shots.  It looks the library is going to be closed!  Fortunately, a real basketball player named Gary Payton shows up and goads Fuller into regaining his confidence.  Not being a fan of the game, this whole storyline was weird to me.  I just know the audience went crazy whenever anyone threw a basketball.

Episode 3.10 “Kristy’s Other Mother”

(Directed by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 11th, 1997)

This episode opens with a shot of the Beverly Hills Hotel….

Wait a minute?  Isn’t this show set in Indiana?

Well, it turns out that the Tornadoes have been invited to compete in a tournament in Los Angeles and, for some reason, they’re saying at a luxury hotel in Beverly Hills.  (Remember when Mary Beth spent a thousand dollars on sports bags and was told that she had spent all the money the team had in its annual budget?  I imagine flying to California and getting rooms for the entire team at a luxury hotel costs a bit more than a thousand dollars.)  Strangely, Kristy accompanies the team to Los Angeles but none of the other cheerleaders come with her.  If you’re already wasting all that money on a hotel in Beverly Hills, why not bring the entire school?  Seriously, if you’re going to get fired for fiscal incompetence, you might as well go all out.

(How much school are the Tornadoes skipping to go to this tournament?)

It turns out that Kristy has a reason beyond cheerleading to go to California.  She wants to meet her birth mother, who turns to be a fabulously wealthy actress who is starring in a movie with Harrison Ford.  (No, Harrison Ford does not make an appearance.)  Kristy’s mom is like, “Move to California!” but Kristy ultimately decides that she prefers Indiana.  Considering what lay head for California, Kristy made the right decision.  That said, Kristy’s decision still doesn’t make much sense.  What teenager is going to choose small town Indiana over a chance to live with a movie star in Beverly Hills?

Meanwhile, Vince, Danny, and Michael appear on a dating game show that’s being filmed at the hotel.  Vince wins a date with a girl other than Mary Beth.  Needless to say, Mary Beth is not amused.  Wisely, Vince gives her a lot of presents.

This was a pretty silly and fairly mawkish episode but at least the hotel looked nice.  This episode was directed by Don Barnhart, who directed several episodes of Saved By The Bell and California Dreams.  It also ends with the Tornadoes still in California so I’m guessing this L.A. tournament thing is going to last for a few more episodes.  We’ll find out if I’m right next week!

Retro Television Reviews: Quarantined (dir by Leo Penn)


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1970’s Quarantined! It can be viewed on YouTube!

The John C. Bedford Clinic sits atop a cliff overlooking the ocean.  Though it may be a small hospital, it’s also widely respected.  The clinic was started by John Bedford (John Dehner) and the majority of its employees are related to him.  His three sons — Larry (Gary Collins), Bud (Gordon Pinset), and Tom (Dan Ferrone) — are all doctors and they all work at the clinic.  Bud’s wife, Margaret (Susan Howard), is a psychologist and she also works at the clinic, encouraging the older patients not to give up hope in their twilight years.  John Bedford is a stern taskmaster and his youngest son, Tom, resents always having his father and his older brothers staring over his shoulder.  John and Larry explain that they are simply treating Tom the way that they would treat any new doctor.  Tom isn’t so sure.

When the Bedfords aren’t hanging out in the tasteful ranch house that sits next to the clinic, they’re checking on their patients.  As Quarantined opens, they’ve got quite a few to deal with.  The most famous is Ginny Pepper (Sharon Farrell), a film star who has come to the clinic because she’s been suffering from back pain.  Larry quickly diagnoses her as suffering from kidney failure and announces that she’s going to need to get an immediate transplant.  Ginny is not happy to hear that and spends most of her time trying to make both Larry and Nurse Nelson (Virginia Gregg) miserable.  Of course, it eventually turns out that Ginny’s not so bad.

Meanwhile, Margaret attempts to cheer up a dying old man named Mr. Berryman (Sam Jaffe) and an eccentric man named Wilbur Mott (Wally Cox) hangs out in the hospital hallway.  Martha (Terry Moore) and Lloyd Atkinson (Madison Arnold) are at the hospital to visit their son, Jimmy (Mitch Vogel).  Unfortunately, while in Jimmy’s hospital room, Lloyd suddenly collapses and subsequently dies.  John takes one look at Lloyd and announces that Lloyd might have Cholera and, as a result, no one can leave or enter the hospital until the test results come back.

In other words, the John C. Bedford Clinic is …. QUARANTINED!

If you’re thinking this sounds a little bit dull …. well, you’re not wrong.  Quarantined has a 73-minute running time and a large cast but it really does just feel like an episode of a not particularly interesting medical drama.  It wouldn’t surprise me to discover that this movie was actually meant to serve as a pilot for a show that would have followed day-to-day life at the clinic.  Each member of the Bedford family is given a hint of characterization, just enough to suggest what type of situations they would get involved in on a weekly basis.  Larry was the straight shooter who was dedicated to saving lives.  Bud was the well-meaning middle child while Margaret was the one who encouraged the men to talk about their feelings.  Tom was the idealistic but impulsive youngest child.  John was the wise patriarch.  They’re all kind of boring.

The same can be said of Quarantined as a movie.  As directed by Leo “Father of Sean” Penn, the movie promises a lot of drama but it never really delivers and there’s something rather annoying about how casually John announces that no one is allowed to leave the clinic.  He even calls the police and has them set up road blocks around the clinic.  On the one hand, John is doing the right thing.  No one wants a cholera epidemic.  On the other hand, everyone’s so quick to accept that idea of John being a benign dictator that …. well, one can only imagine what a pain in the ass the Bedfords would have been during the COVID era.

As far as I know, there was never a TV show about the Bedford family and their clinic on a cliff.  Personally, I’m okay with that.  

Catching Up With The Films of 2022: She Said (dir by Maria Schrader)


To put it lightly, I had mixed feelings about She Said.

On the one hand, the downfall of Harvey Weinstein is an important story and it’s one that should never be forgotten.  It wasn’t that long ago that Weinstein was one of the most powerful people in Hollywood.  Many of the people who now regularly talk about how much they hated him had no problem working for him, taking his money, and thanking him whenever they won an award.  She Said focuses on the work of the two New York Times reporters, Jodi Kantor (Zoe Kazan) and Megan Twohey (Carey Mulligan), who wrote the initial article that detailed the allegations against Weinstein.  (Ronan Farrow’s New Yorker piece was published shortly afterwards.)  The film is not only about the article but it’s also about women working together and supporting each other.  Kazan and Mulligan both do a good job of portraying Jodi and Megan, bringing some nuance to a script that is full of dialogue that is occasionally a bit too on-the-nose.

On the other hand, it’s hard not to feel that She Said lets a lot of people off the hook.  While Jodi does originally pitch her story as dealing with systemic sexism, there’s actually very little examination of how the system enabled a monster like Harvey Weinstein.  Mention is made of Weinstein having powerful friends but few of those friends are called out by name and there’s very little discussion about how Weinstein used his money to become a player in Washington as well as Hollywood.  It leads to some odd narrative choices.  For instance, both Jodi and Megan are shocked to discover that Harvey is being represented by prominent feminist attorney Lisa Bloom, the daughter of Gloria Allred.  Jodi later talks about an off-screen conversation that she had with Bloom, in which Bloom tried to use a number of personal, political, and professional appeals to convince Jodi to drop the story.  It sounds like an interesting conversation but why don’t we get to see it?  Would it have cast Bloom in too negative of a light?  The film’s approach leaves it open to such accusations.  Indeed, it’s hard not to be reminded of the way that Rose McGowan was shunned when she (correctly) pointed out that a lot of the people celebrating Weinstein’s downfall were the same people who spent years ignoring what was an open secret in Hollywood.  The film tells us that Harvey Weinstein is a monster but we already know that.  What the film does not tell us is how he came to power and why he was protected for decades.

Thematically, She Said attempts to be a celebration of journalism, in the style of recent films like The Post, Truth, and Spotlight.  Like those films, it shares the same flat visual style.  There’s nothing particularly cinematic about it which is unfortunate as, with everyone already knowing how the story ends, She Said could have used some stylistic flair.  To a certain extent, I can understand the logic.  The emphasis is supposed to be on the reporters doing the hard work of getting the story and all of the recent films about journalism take a straight-ahead, by-the-numbers approach.  The problem with using this approach for She Said is that it leads to a lot of static, poorly framed shots of people talking on the phone, sitting at their desks, and staring at computer screens.  It may be a realistic depiction of modern journalism but it’s not particularly compelling to watch.  If anything, the film’s depiction of clean offices, supportive co-workers, and fair-minded editors makes the film feel like a testimonial about how The New York Times is the best workplace in America.  As opposed to the reporters in Spotlight, one never feels that Jodi and Megan are in danger of losing their jobs.  Unlike The Post or Shattered Glass, there’s no conversations about how the media establishment is often guilty of initially enabling the same behavior that it later condemns.  The New York Times never feels alive in the way that The New Republic did in Shattered Glass.  There’s not even a moment that’s as ludicrously over-the-top as the scene in Truth where Cate Blanchett argues that she shouldn’t be criticized for producing an obviously false story because it could have, in theory, been true.  Instead, She Said is very respectable and very dignified and a little too safe.  There’s not much going on beneath the surface. 

The film drops a lot of famous names.  Ashley Judd plays herself while Gwyneth Paltrow provides her voice for a scene in which she calls Jodi and says that Harvey has shown up at her house.  (Again, this is a scene that would probably have been more effective if we had seen it happen as opposed to just hearing about it.)  Lena Dunham is given a shout-out as someone who (off-screen) called and offered to help.  Someone casually mentions that Martin Scorsese hates Harvey Weinstein.  And yet, the film’s most powerful moments come when Jodi and Megan talk to the women who weren’t famous but who were still traumatized and victimized by Harvey Weinstein.  Samantha Morton and Jennifer Ehle play two former Miramax employees, both of whom eventually tell their stories to Jodi and Megan.  Morton and Ehle both give heart-felt performances and, during their scenes, She Said finds its reason for existing.  The performances of Samantha Morton and Jennifer Ehle both capture the real-life damage caused by men like Harvey Weinstein and the systems that enable them.

In the end, She Said is a film that I wanted to like more than I did.  It tells a compelling story in the least compelling way possible and, unlike Kitty Green’s The Assistant, it lets far too many people off the hook.