As this Icelandic song and video proves, Godzilla is indeed universal.
Enjoy!
Tag Archives: review
Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 3.11 “The Hustlers” and 3.12 “Fuller’s Rival”
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!
The trip to California continues!
Episode 3.11 “The Hustlers”
(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 18th, 1997)
This episode reminds us that it originally aired in 1997 by featuring an entire subplot that revolves around how much the members of the Tornadoes love Mel Gibson.
The Tornadoes are still in California, preparing for their big tournament. (Coach Fuller mentions that they’ve been at the hotel for a week, which sounds like a really long time to be out of school but whatever. Maybe they’re on Spring Break.) When Vince comes across a wallet in the hotel lobby, everyone is excited to discover that it belongs to Mel Gibson. They’re so excited that they don’t even notice Dustin Diamond standing behind them, providing a painfully unfunny cameo as Saved By The Bell‘s Screech Powers.
(Speaking of Saved By The Bell, remember when Mary Beth made out with a character from that show over the summer, while they were both at Space Camp? It’s odd that no one brings Ryan up while they’re all in California and apparently close to Bayside High. It’s almost as if the show’s writers didn’t really pay much attention to what they were writing.)
Danny, Michael, Mary Beth, and Kristy pretend to be members of the cleaning staff and they break into Mel Gibson’s room. When they step into the room, Mary Beth calls out in an exaggerated Spanish accent to see if Mel’s around because she’s pretending to be a maid. Those who have been reading my reviews for a while know that I rarely get offended but I have to say that, speaking as both someone who is a fourth Spanish and whose mother took the occasional cleaning job in order to provide a good life for her four daughters, that actually did offend me a little.
Anyway, the group never does find Mel, though they do crash an exclusive Hollywood party that just happens to be taking place at the exact same hotel where they’re staying. Hopefully, someone did eventually get Mel’s wallet back to him.
The majority of show dealt with Teddy and Julie getting conned by some basketball hustlers. I didn’t even know that basketball hustlers were a thing but apparently, they were a huge problem in 1997. After Teddy and Julie get conned out of a hundred dollars, Michael plays with Teddy and Julie to help them win back their money. Unfortunately, Michael sprains his wrist (what is the deal with Michael constantly spraining stuff?) so Coach Fuller offers to play in Michael’s place. When the hustlers say that they’ll only play against teenagers, Kobe Bryant suddenly enters the gym. (According to Wikipedia, Kobe was 19 when he appeared in this episode.) Being a teenager (assuming that you accept 19 as being a teen as opposed to a young adult), Kobe helps Julie and Teddy defeat the hustlers. Julie and Teddy get their money back. But, to be honest, if they really needed money, they could have just borrowed some from Mel Gibson’s wallet and saved everyone a lot of trouble.
Eh. Between the racist humor and the Screech cameo, I don’t want to talk about this episode anymore. Let’s move on.
Episode 3.12 “Fuller’s Rival”
(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 18th, 1997)
Finally, it’s time for the tournament! Deering makes it to the final game against New York. (New York High School? I’m not sure how these tournaments work. Are they representing a state or a school?) New York is coached by Fuller’s former rival, B.B. Byrnes (Barry Wiggins). B.B. taunts Fuller to such an extent that Fuller loses his cool and gets kicked out of the game. Then Michael gets upset and also gets kicked out of the game. And then the Tornadoes lose!
Fuller apologizes to the team and tells them that good sportsmanship is important. Then, at the award banquet, Danny smashes a cake in B.B.’s face so I guess the lesson wasn’t learned. Oh well.
This episode, especially compared to the previous one, was actually pretty good. Reggie Theus, who could be a bit of a stiff actor, really gets into tearing up the gym when he loses his temper and, for that matter, Adam Frost (who played Michael) finally gets to show a little emotion as well. Plus, this show often tended to portray the Tornadoes as being unstoppable. I always appreciate the episodes where they learn a lesson from losing a game as opposed to the ones where they magically pulling off a last-minute victory.
The California story arc may have been uneven but it ended on a good note. Next week, I assume we’ll be back in Indiana.
Film Review: The Hatchet Wielding Hitchhiker (dir by Colette Camden)
How dumb can people be?
That is the question that’s posed by the new Netflix documentary, The Hatchet-Wielding Hitchhiker, and the answer would appear to be that they can be extremely dumb. The documentary takes a look at the story of Caleb “Kai” McGillvary, who went from being an internet sensation to an accused murderer over the course of three months in 2013. Even more so, though, it’s about the people who enabled him, through a combination of their own stupidity and greed.
Kai first found fame when he was credited with stopping a hate crime. A man named Jett McBride smashed his car into a black pedestrian and, while the pedestrian was trapped between the car and a parked truck, McBride attacked the people who attempted to help. Kai, who was a hitchhiker who McBride had apparently picked up just a few hours before, jumped out of the car and proceeded to hit McBride three times with a hatchet. A local news reporter interviewed Kai afterwards and was immediately taken with Kai’s spaced-out style.
At the time, it’s perhaps understandable that people were so happy that Kai had prevented McBride from killing several people that they didn’t stop to ask themselves why Kai had a hatchet with him in the first place. Still, it does seem like it would have been a good thing to consider before the reporter uploaded his interview with Kai to YouTube. And when Kai became a viral sensation (though I have to admit that I had never even heard of him until I saw this documentary so perhaps viral is in the eye of the beholder), maybe a few people should have said, “Before we try to make him a star, maybe we should consider that the only thing we know about him is that he’s been traveling around the country with a freaking hatchet in his backpack.”
Instead, the reporter tracked down Kai for a second interview. Kai played guitar and expounded on his philosophy of life. (Jack Kerouac would have kicked Kai out of a moving car but other people were impressed.) Jimmy Kimmel had him on his show as a guest, though the interview was cut short by the fact that Kai was obviously unstable. Despite the fact that Kai was an unpredictable alcoholic with a violent streak, there was talk of giving Kai his own reality show. One of the documentary’s cringiest moments comes when someone says that it was felt Kai could be an unhoused Kardashian and that he could star in a show about how happy people were to be living on the streets. None of those plans really came to fruition but Kai still remained popular enough that someone was always willing to buy him a drink or let him crash at their place for the night. When a prominent New Jersey attorney was found beaten to death in his home, police were surprised to discover that the last man the attorney had been seen with was Kai, the Hatchet-Wielding Hitchhiker.
This documentary is about the odd nature of fame in the internet age. It’s been said that, due to social media, everyone has at least 15 devoted fans and that’s probably true. That said, this documentary is even more about stupidity. Kai is not interviewed but the people who made him famous are spoken with and, with one or two exceptions, every single one of them comes across as being either extremely stupid, extremely callous, or both. Everyone was so eager to discover (and profit off of) the newest sensation that none of them stopped to consider that Kai was an obviously unstable alcoholic who was hitchhiking across the country with a hatchet. Indeed, he would later brag that Jett McBride went crazy specifically because Kai gave him a joint laced with LSD. (For the record, when Jett McBride was arrested and taken to prison, he tested positive only for marijuana. So, Kai probably was lying about that but who would brag, even falsely, about inspiring someone to commit a hate crime?) Everyone was so eager to make Kai a star that no one stopped to wonder if they should.
Anyway, it’s an interesting documentary. The main lesson is don’t trust anyone who just happens to have a hatchet on them, regardless of whether or not they’re a funny stoner who can play the guitar. It’s a good lesson to learn.
Retro Television Reviews: The Last Child (dir by John Llewellyn Moxey)
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1971’s The Last Child! It can be viewed on YouTube!
Welcome to the “near future.”
Panicked by hysterical claims about overpopulation and environmental catastrophe, Americans have sacrificed the majority of their civil liberties. Smiling policeman stand on every corner and in every public hallway. Of course, once their authority is challenged, those smiles quickly disappear. Crude posters have been put up everywhere, demanding that everyone watch their consumption of natural resources. The social engineers and the eugenicists are in charge. Anyone over the age of 65 is ineligible for medical care and encouraged to consider euthanasia. Couples are allowed to have only one child and the government requires that anyone who gets pregnant a second time have an abortion. Anyone who questions the policy is told that they have no choice but to follow the law. It’s their civic duty. The media, meanwhile, runs headlines declaring that the one child policy has led to world peace.
Alan and Karen Miller (played by Michael Cole and Janet Margolin) have already had their one child. That their child died shortly after birth doesn’t matter in the eyes of Barstow (Ed Asner), the Himmleresque head of the Population Control Police. Every couple is allowed one child and that’s it. When Karen gets pregnant a second time, she is determined to have the baby. She and Alan know that their only hope is to cross the border into Canada. Helping them is a retired U.S. Senator (Van Heflin, in his final performance) who is opposed to the government’s policies. Caught in the middle of Karen’s brother, Howard (Harry Guardino). Howard works for the Population Control Police and he knows just how far Barstow is willing to go to keep Karen from having her baby.
The Last Child opens with a title card informing us that the film takes place in the “not-too-distant future.” Along with all of the propaganda posters, that’s the only real sign that this film is meant to be taking place in the future. There’s no “futuristic” technology. Everyone dresses in the latest 1971 fashions. Everyone drives the latest 1971 automobiles. Though the decision may have been motivated by the film’s low-budget, the lack of the typical sci-fi trappings serves the film well. The Last Child does not take place in a sleekly designed future and it doesn’t takes place in an apocalyptic wasteland. Instead, it takes place in a world that is just as shabby as you would expect a world controlled and decorated by a government bureaucracy to be. It’s a gray dystopia, populated by people who have given up their individuality. It’s a world that’s visually boring by design and that makes it all the more disturbing.
The Last Child is an effective and well-acted film. It probably feels more plausible today than it did when it aired back in 1971. In many ways, with its portrait of unfeeling government officials and bland authoritarianism, it’s the perfect film for the age of COVID. Indeed, the government’s policy of refusing to provide life-saving care for people over the age of 65 is reminiscent of what many pundits advocated for at the height of the COVID pandemic. As for the film’s one child policy, that too is a concept that has become recently popular with many American academics. Among many members of the so-called “elites,” there’s a definite need to try to control people and that very real need is what makes The Last Child so disturbingly plausible. In The Last Child, sanctuary is found in Canada. Today, of course, Canada is at the forefront of the euthanasia trend. Of course, in 1971, the Prime Minister of Canada was Pierre Trudeau and not Justin.
Pierre Trudeau’s personal motto was “Reason before passion” and that’s certainly the philosophy that fuels the dystopian society at the center of The Last Child. It’s a film that holds up today as both a thriller and a prophecy,
Music Video of the Day: Where Do We Go Now? by Gracie Abrams (2023, dir by Gia Coppola)
For today’s music video of the day, we have a music video directed by Gia Coppola! Gia is the granddaughter of Francis Ford and the niece of Sofia and Roman. She also directed one of my favorite films of the past ten years, Palo Alto.
Enjoy!
Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 1/8/23 — 1/14/23
This week did not leave much time for television watching. I had a doctor’s appointment on Wednesday. I drove my father to and from a doctor’s appointment on Friday. And I had a lot of movies to watch!
Here’s some notes on the five (yes, only five) television programs that I watched this week!
Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)
“FIGHT!”
What a wonderful episode, this was. Sometimes, kid just don’t get along and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, FOX)
It’s time for the blind taste test! The blind taste test is an annual Hell’s Kitchen tradition but it’s hard for me to think of another season where the chefs failed quite as dramatically as they did during this season. It was a bit odd because, for the most part, the chefs have been pretty strong this season. Last night proved that anyone can have an off-day.
Brett was sent out of Hell’s Kitchen as the end of this week. To be honest, I don’t think anyone was surprised, as it was obvious that Brett will be a great head chef once he gets more experience but he wasn’t quite ready just yet. Still, it was kind of sad to see Brett go. He was always entertaining and he definitely always seemed like he was doing his best to improve with each dinner service. Brett also seems like the type who will be back whenever the show does another all-star season.
Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)
For the second week in a row, Samantha Maroun actually got to do something more than just gaze lovingly Price. This week, she led the prosecution of a rich teenager who was arrested for beating an ex-con to death. The teenager’s defense was that he had been driven temporarily mad by super-strong marijuana. (Yes, I can hear everyone rolling their eyes. Look, I’m just reviewing. I didn’t write the episode.) Maroun was determined to get a murder conviction until Price told her that she was taking the case personally and that she needed to set aside her personal feelings and her own guilt about the death of her sister.
To which I have to say, really? Like, who is Price to tell anyone not to take a case personally? Price takes every case personally. Price put a pharmaceutical CEO in prison because Price has never gotten over the death of his junkie brother. Price may have been correct about Maroun but it still feels a bit hypocritical on his part. That said, I think the writers may have figured out that having two prosecutors who take everything personally doesn’t always work dramatically. Ever since the show returned from its holiday break, Price has suddenly been a lot more pragmatic.
There’s a lot of people online who, after last night’s episode, are convinced that Price and Maroun are in love with each other. They’re probably right. McCoy’s not in any position to forbid it, either. (It’s kind of funny how McCoy has gone from being a self-destructive, alcoholic womanizer to being the voice of wisdom.)
Night Flight (Night Flight Plus)
This week, we finished up watching Night Flight’s 1982 New Year’s Eve special. Most of it was made up of footage of Grace Jones performing and being interviewed. It was weird but entertaining. Apparently, 1983 got off to a very trippy start.
Project Greenlight (YouTube)
On Wednesday night, I watched three episodes of the third season of Project Greenlight. This is the season that aired on Bravo and which detailed John Gulager’s efforts to direct Feast. No one had any faith in Gulager but he did a pretty good job with Feast and he’s the only one of the Project Greenlight winners to go on to have a notable career. The episodes that I watched deal with the casting of the film and it was once again infuriating to watch as the film’s casting director went out of her way to undercut Gulager and cast her best friend in the film. The third season of Project Greenlight is the one that really makes the viewer hate Hollywood.
Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 3.8 “The Princess and the Yeti” and 3.9 “Winkle/Wicks World”
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing California Dreams, which ran on NBC from 1992 to 1996. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!
This week the Dreams go to Colorado and Public Access Television. To quote Matt Garrison, “Let’s do it!”
Episode 3.8 “The Princess and the Yeti”
(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 29th, 1994)
The Dreams have left California for Colorado! It’s on temporary, however. They’ve been hired to play at the ski resort that’s owned by Lorena’s father, Mr. Costas (Abraham Alvarez). Lorena is looking forward to skiing and showing off her new outfit. Her father wants her to work the front desk. “I’m allergic to work,” Lorena says, which leads to everyone saying that Lorena is spoiled.
Which is not true at all! Listen, Lorena is on vacation. You don’t work when you’re on vacation. At no point does Lorena’s father say that he’ll pay for Lorena to work the front desk. Instead, he just says, “I need you to work the front desk tonight.” Nah, old man. It doesn’t work like that. I, myself, have been called spoiled enough time to know that everyone is being way too hard on Lorena. Lorena has every right to expect a chance to ski while on a SKI VACATION!
Anyway, Mr. Costas wants to expand his resort but there’s an old man (Sandy Ward) who lives in a cabin and he refuses to move off his property. If the stubborn old man wasn’t bad enough, there’s also a Yeti running around the forest. But what if that Yeti is just a man dressed in a costume? Who would have the motive? Mr. Costas? No, he would be costing himself money by doing that. How about the Old Man? Other than the Dreams, he’s the only other person in this episode.
After Tony gets scared by the Yeti, he runs into the forest. The rest of the Dreams follow him and come across the Old Man’s cabin and his yeti costume. When Mr. Costas finds out, he wants to press charges but the Dreams are like, “He’s just an nice old man!” Yeah, and you’re a bunch of high school kids from California. Your opinion really isn’t that important.
The Dreams get mad at Lorena for not telling her father that the Old Man deserves to stay in his cabin. (Again, I’m not sure how it’s any of their business.) Miffed, Lorena goes skiing alone and injures her knee. The Old Man saves her life and Lorena offers to help pay off whatever money the Old Man is costing her father by working the front desk and not taking an allowance for a year. Mr. Costas agrees and everything works out …. except, of course, Lorena lives in California so how is she going work the front desk of a Colorado resort?
Also, I don’t care how nice the Old Man is. He still dressed up like a Yeti and did a lot of property damage to Mr. Costas’s business. Drag his his ass to jail!
This episode mostly serves to remind us that the California Dreams belong in California and on the beach. It just doesn’t seem right whenever they appear in a different location. It’s like one of those weird episodes of Saved By The Bell: The New Class where the gang all ended up working at a ranch. As much of a misfire as this episode was, I did laugh at the scene where Jake had to wear Lorena’s pink snow jacket while searching for Tony. A few years ago, in the middle of a torrential rain storm, Jeff informed me that he would rather get soaked and risk pneumonia than borrow my hot pink umbrella. What do men have against the color pink?
Anyway, let’s move on!
Episode 3.9 “Winkle/Wicks World”
(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 12th, 1994)
Tony and Sly get a show on public access TV! What was the deal with people in Peter Engel-produced shows always ending up on Public Access Television? Anyway, The Goo-Ga-Moo Guys becomes a big hit, despite being just a lame Wayne’s World rip-off. (To the show’s credit, Jake refers to show as being a “Wayne’s World rip-off.”) Unfortunately, this means that Tony no longer has time to play drums and Sly no longer has time to manage the band. Lorena takes over as manager and teaches the band how to be classy so that they can play an upper class gig that is, for some reason, being held at Sharky’s.
Anyway, fame goes to Tony and Sly’s heads. In the end, though, they decide that friendship is more important than fame. *Yawn* This is a plot that was used and reused by so many Peter Engel-produced shows that, at times, it seems as if the entire Englverse was an autopilot.
Hopefully, next week’s episodes will encourage us to seek good vibrations and feel mellow.
Music Video of the Day: Flowers by Miley Cyrus (2023, dir by Jacob Bixenman)
With this video, Miley Cyrus lets the world know that she doesn’t need Liam Hemsworth to have fun. Or, at least, that seems to be the most popular interpretation online. Myself, whenever I see a Miley Cyrus video, I remember how, whenever The Soup did a segment on her, the producer would yell, “It’s Miley!”
That was good fun.
Enjoy!
Retro Television Review: One World 3.13 “Hitting On A Guy”
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing One World, which ran on NBC from 1998 to 2001. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
The Cast of One World
On January 6th, 2001, One World aired not only the finale of their third season but also the final episode of the series. All stories and shows must come to an end and we have reached the end of One World. For one last time, here’s the One World theme song.
Does anyone else find it weird that the show never bothered to update their opening credits, despite the fact that Brandon Baker hit a major growth spurt and cut his hair after the first season? Seriously, it just seems incredibly lazy.
Episode 3.13 “Hitting on a Guy”
(Directed by Mary Lou Belli, originally aired on January 6th, 2001)
Dave and Karen have been named the Foster Parents of the Year! Marci decides to throw a big party for them at …. can you guess where? …. Miami’s “hottest under 21 club,” The Warehouse! Unfortunately, the kitchen crew refuses to work for the party because they haven’t been paid for the week. (Why would Marci, who is just the assistant manager, have to deal with payroll? Where’s The Warehouse’s owner?) Fortunately, the entire family decides that they’ll do the cooking themselves. But …. IT’S THEIR PARTY!? Who cooks at their own party!? What type of party is this?
Meanwhile, Jane is dating a nice guy named Ralph but he reminds her of her former foster brother, who was also named Ralph and who was abusive. Because she’s thinking about the Bad Ralph, she beats up the Good Ralph. Jane comes to terms with her anger and apologizes to the Good Ralph. Good Ralph says thanks and then runs off.
Having lost Good Ralph, Jane still shows up at the Warehouse party and gives a speech about how thankful she is for the Blakes. Dave rewards her by giving her a piece of Cake and that’s how the series ends.
And I have to admit that I was a little bit moved by all of the Blake kids giving their testimonials, though I honestly doubt I’ll remember anything about any of them a week from now. I was also surprised that the show did not end with Karen giving birth. I imagine that any other TNBC show would have. In the end, One World ended with a lot of unanswered questions. Will Ben ever find success as a musician? Will St. Neal ever get into college? Will Sui ever make the Olympic team? How long until Maci gets fired from her job at the Warehouse? Will Cray ever come to terms with having a black grandfather? (Seriously, that whole episode was weird.) Will Jane ever find a stylist who understands how to make her hair look good? Sadly, these questions will never be answered.
One World is a show that attempted to bring some edge to the TNBC brand. Occasionally, it came close to succeeding. Usually, it was a bit too much like California Dreams with juvenile delinquents instead of a rock band. One of the huge problems with the show was that the Blakes themselves had very little chemistry. Watching the actors perform opposite each other, it was hard to believe they even knew each other’s names, let alone lived together. Alisa Reyes and Michelle Krusiec (who played Marci and Sui) were the strongest performers on the show but they were rarely given enough to do.
Staring next week, I’ll be reviewing something new in this time slot. Until then, we’re all living in one world!
Music Video of the Day: Dirty Laundry by Lisa Marie Presley (2005, dir by Patrick Hoelk)
RIP, Lisa Marie Presley. The daughter Elvis and the mother of Riley Keough passed away yesterday at the age of 54.
In this video, she sings about the vultures in the tabloid press that she had to deal with for most of her life. Dirty Laundry was originally written by Don Henley. Lisa Marie covered it on her album, Now What?
Lyrics:
I make my living off the Evening News
Just give me somethin’, somethin’ I can use
People love it when you lose, they love dirty laundry
Well, I could’ve been an actor but I wound up here
I just have to look good, I don’t have to be clear
Come and whisper in my ear, give us dirty laundry
Kick ’em when they’re up, kick ’em when they’re down
Kick ’em when they’re up, kick ’em when they’re down
Kick ’em when they’re up, kick ’em when they’re down
Kick ’em when they’re up, kick ’em all around
We got the bubble headed bleach blonde who comes on at five
She can tell you ’bout the plane crash with a gleam in her eye
It’s interesting when people die, give us dirty laundry
Can we film the operation? Is the head dead yet?
You know the boys in the newsroom got a running bet
Get the widow on the set! We need dirty laundry
You don’t really need to find out what’s goin’ on
You don’t really want to know just how far it’s gone
Just leave well enough alone, eat your dirty laundry
Kick ’em when they’re up, kick ’em when they’re down
Kick ’em when they’re up, kick ’em when they’re down
Kick ’em when they’re up, kick ’em when they’re down
Kick ’em when they’re stiff, kick ’em all around
Kick ’em when they’re up, kick ’em when they’re down
Kick ’em when they’re up, kick ’em when they’re down
Kick ’em when they’re up, kick ’em when they’re down
Kick ’em when they’re stiff, kick ’em all around
Dirty little secrets, dirty little lies
We got our dirty little fingers in everybody’s pie
We love to cut you down to size, we love dirty laundry
We can do “The Innuendo,” we can dance and sing
When it’s said and done we haven’t told you a thing
We all know that crap is king, give us dirty laundry
Kick ’em when they’re up, kick ’em when they’re down
Kick ’em when they’re up, kick ’em when they’re down
Kick ’em when they’re up, kick ’em when they’re down
Through the Shattered Lens 