Tag Archives: review

Music Video of the Day: Don’t Leave Me This Way, covered by The Communards and Sarah Jane Morris (1986, dir by ????)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

I came across this band (and this cover) while watching an episode of an old television show called Night Flight last Friday.

It’s a good cover, one that pays tribute to the original while also establishing its own identity.  The video for this version adds a political element to the song by having the secret police show up to break up the performance.  Despite being named after a group of early communists, the Communards still took a stand against the secret police.  Good for them.  Of course, the secret police are still with us, in countries that are both left-wing and right-wing.  Unfortunately, modern people are a little bit less likely to take a stand against them than they once were.  Authoritarianism is today more popular than its ever been.

Enjoy!

Retro Television Reviews: International Airport (dir by Don Chaffey and Charles S. Dubin)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay.  Today’s film is 1985’s International Airport!  It  can be viewed on YouTube!

It’s not easy working at an international airport!

At least, that’s the message of this made-for-television film.  Produced by Aaron Spelling and obviously designed to be a pilot for a weekly television series, International Airport details one day in the life of airport manager David Montgomery (Gil Gerard).  Everyone respects and admires David, from the recently graduated flight attendants who can’t wait for their first day on the job to the hard-working members of the airport security team.  The only person who really has a problem with David is Harvey Jameson (Bill Bixby), the old school flight controller who throws a fit when he learns that a woman, Dana Fredricks (Connie Sellecca), has been assigned to work in the tower.  Harvey claims that women can’t handle the pressure of working the tower and not having a personal life.  He demands to know what Dana’s going to do during that “one week of the month when you’re not feeling well!”  Harvey’s a jerk but, fortunately, he has a nervous breakdown early on in the film and Dana gets to take over the tower.

Meanwhile, David is trying to figure out why an old friend of his, Carl Roberts (played by Retro Television mainstay Robert Reed, with his bad perm and his retired porn star mustache), is at the airport without his wife (Susan Blakely).  David takes it upon himself to save Carl’s troubled marriage because it’s all in a day’s work for the world’s greatest airport manager!

While Carl is dealing with his mid-life crisis, someone else is sending threatening letters to the airport.  One of the letters declares that there’s a bomb on a flight that’s heading for Honolulu.  David and Dana must decide whether to allow Captain Powell (Robert Vaughn) to fly to Hawaii or to order him to return to California.  And Captain Powell must figure out which one of his passengers is the bomber.  Is it Martin Harris (George Grizzard), the sweaty alcoholic who want shut up about losing all of his friends in the war?  Or is it the woman sitting next to Martin Harris, the cool and aloof Elaine Corey (Vera Miles)?

Of course, there are other passengers on the plane.  Rudy (George Kennedy) is a veteran airline mechanic.  Rudy is hoping that he can talk his wife (Susan Oliver) into adopting Pepe (Danny Ponce), an orphan who secretly lives at the airport.  Unfortunately, when Pepe hears that Rudy’s plane might have a bomb on it, he spends so much time praying that he doesn’t realize he’s been spotted by airport security.  Pepe manages to outrun the security forces but he ends up hiding out in a meat freezer and, when the door is slammed shut, it appears that Pepe may no longer be available for adoption.  Will someone hear Pepe praying in time to let him out?  Or, like Frankie Carbone, will he end up frozen stiff?

International Airport was an attempt to reboot the Airport films for television, with the opening credits even mentioning that the film was inspired by the Arthur Hailey novel that started it all.  As well, Gil Gerard, Susan Blakely, and George Kennedy were all veterans of the original Airport franchise.  George Kennedy may be called Rudy in International Airport but it’s easy to see that he’s still supposed to be dependable old Joe Patroni.  Unfortunately, despite the familiar faces in the cast, International Airport itself is a bit bland.  It’s a disaster film on a budget.  While the viewers gets all of the expected melodrama, they don’t get anything as entertaining or amusing as Karen Black flying the plane in Airport 1975 or the scene in Concorde: Airport ’79 where George Kennedy leaned out the cockpit window (while in flight) and fired a gun at an enemy aircraft.  Probably the only thing that was really amusing (either intentionally or unintentionally) about International Airport was the character of Pepe and that was just because young Danny Ponce gave perhaps the worst performance in the history of television.

International Airport did not lead to a television series.  Watching it today, it’s a bit on the dull side but, at the same time, it is kind of nice to see what an airport was like in the days before the TSA.  If nothing else, it’s a time capsule that serves as a record of the days when the world was a bit more innocent.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 4/2/23 — 4/8/23

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

Gregory is teacher of the year, even though he himself doesn’t understand why.  This was an enjoyable episode and a nice relief from all of that heavy-handed charter school nonsense.  (Just from the lack of in-depth interaction between Gregory and Janine, I got the feeling that this episode may have originally been meant to air earlier in the season.)  The parent/teacher conference storyline was surprisingly poignant and Janine’s response to being called a bad teacher was perfectly handled.

Accused (Tuesday Night, Fox)

This week’s episode was actually pretty well-done and a definite improvement over the last few episodes.  That said, I didn’t buy the ending.  The jury may have sympathized with Jiro but he still basically admitted to committing the crime.  Juries usually aren’t that compassionate.  That said, we didn’t actually see the verdict being read so maybe Jiro got a hung jury as opposed to an actual acquittal.  I could buy the idea of one or two members of the jury refusing to convict far more easily than the idea that the entire jury was like, “Let’s just do it and be legends!”

American Idol (Sunday and Monday Night, ABC)

It’s Hollywood week!  At one point, Katy Perry announced that three people were going through, despite giving a subpar performance, because of their compassionate nature and their good attitudes.  Like what does that have to do with singing?  Where’s Simon Cowell when you need him?

I hope Nutsa wins it all.

The English (Prime)

This was an excellent western miniseries, starring Emily Blunt and Chaske Spencer.  The story was intriguing, the performances were captivating, and the visuals had a wonderfully surreal grandeur to them.  Watch this one if you haven’t already.  (I will probably be writing and posting a longer review later this month.)

Farmer Wants A Wife (Wednesday Night, Fox)

Woo hoo!  Demolition derby!  “You’re actually watching this?” my sister Melissa asked me this week.  Of course, I am!  It’s an adorable show, even if it does tend to go a little heavy on the rural stereotypes.  Still, Farmer Wants A Wife feels more much sincere and heartfelt than the just-completed season of The Bachelor.

5 Days At Memorial (Apple TV+)

What a devastating miniseries!  I was left emotionally drained by the end of it.  As good as Vera Farmiga was in the lead role, Andrew Pine was just as strong as one of the few doctors willing to criticize her actions.

Half Nelson (YouTube)

I reviewed this week’s episode of Half Nelson here!

It’s The Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown (Apple TV+)

Erin and I watched this on Wednesday.  Read her thoughts on it!

Jail (Tuesday Evening, Reelz)

A sex worker was arrested for public intoxication and refused to give her name to the arresting officer.  She was tossed in a holding cell.  Another prisoner threatened to kill himself so he was tossed in a padded cell.  Personally, I would have just let them all go.  The people who worked at the jail were all stocky and bald and tended to speak extremely slowly.  The existence of this show is probably something that will be used against humanity in the future.

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

On this week’s episode, a young woman died of an untreated infection which was the result of being branded.  The branding was a requirement for being a member of the Lodestar Cult.  (“Lone Star?” dumb ol’ Cosgrove said, as he misread the brand, “You mean Texas?”  Get over it, New York.)  Lodestar was obviously based on NXIVM.  When the leader of the cult was killed in prison, Price initially wanted to go after his second-in-command, despite having offered her a deal earlier in return for her testimony.  In the end, he honored the plea agreement.

The best thing about this episode is that Maroun spent the entire Order half of the show rolling her eyes at Price and basically telling him that he was screwing up the case.  This is quite a chance from the way that Maroun was portrayed last season and for most of this season.  I prefer the free-thinking Maroun to the one who just blindly went along with whatever Price wanted.  I also prefer the vengeful, eye-for-an-eye Maroun to the mousy bleeding heart that she used to be.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

The New Wave Theatre (YouTube)

I watched an episode of this public access music show on Saturday morning.  It was from the very early 80s and it featured four punk bands that I had previously never heard of.  The music wasn’t really my taste but I did enjoy the episode as a time capsule.

Night Court (Tuesday Night, NBC)

Abbi went to a snobby club to try to convince the District Attorney to pursue judicial reform.  It turns out that the D.A. was just trying to get Abbi to say something stupid so that he could use it against her.  This episode would have been better if Abbi’s ideas for judicial reform had been something more than just shallow platitudes.  As it is, Abbi is still way too naïve to be a believable judge (especially a New York City judge) and John Larroquette is practically the only member of the supporting cast who is the least bit interesting.

Night Flight (Night Flight Plus)

I watched two episodes on Friday night.  The first was about 80s dance music.  The second was about Talking Heads.  The music was great!

Poker Face (Peacock)

I finished up the first season of Poker Face this week and seriously, I can’t believe that I was ever hesitant to watch this show.  The guest stars are great, the plots are both amusing and poingant, and Natasha Lyonne is wonderful in the lead role.  (I love that Charlie changes jobs from episode to episode but she always manages to be a consistently terrible employee.)  I can’t wait for the second season!

Saved By The Bell: The New Class (YouTube)

It’s amazing to me that the original Saved By The Bell can be found basically everywhere but, unless you want to spend a lot of money on the DVD boxsets, it’s next to impossible to see an episode of Saved By The Bell: The New Class!  I grew up with The New Class!  I mean sure, it’s awful but still….

On Thursday afternoon, my sister Megan and I did find an episode on YouTube.  Ryan Parker (Richard Lee Jackson), the Zack Morris-substitute, wanted to make the wrestling team so that he could get a letter jacket for his girlfriend (Sarah Lancaster).  Unfortunately, Ryan wasn’t a very good wrestler and his training methods proved to be dangerous to his health.  He learned an important lesson about being happy with being who he was.  In our discussion following the episode, Megan pointed out that Ryan never even bothered to ask his girlfriend whether she even wanted the jacket.  I replied that it was probably just assumed that she wanted Ryan to make the team because, seriously, why would anyone want to date a loser?

This episode also featured Dustin Diamond, destroying his career by playing Screech Powers long beyond the character’s expiration date.  Screech returned to Bayside to act as Mr. Belding’s assistant.  Poor Mr. Belding!

Seinfeld (Monday Afternoon, TV Land)

Because his girlfriend had mono, George gave up having sex and suddenly became super intelligent.  Elaine stopped having sex with her boyfriend (played by Bob Odenkirk) so that he would be able to concentrate on passing his medical exams.  Unfortunately, this led to Elaine becoming dumb.  Meanwhile, Jerry kept getting bumped from career day and eventually, David Letterman refused to take his calls.  Jerry’s agent was the mother from That 70s Show.  It made me laugh!

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I wrote about this week’s episode of Survivor here!

Tiny Beautiful Things (Hulu)

I watched the first two episodes on Friday but I really couldn’t get into Hulu’s latest limited series.  At this point, I’m kind of bored with shows about dysfunctional people who have addiction issues.  The first two episodes of Tiny Beautiful Things just tried too hard and felt a bit too calculated to shock.  Even the constant cursing felt like something that would have been daring in 2003 but, in 2023, it just seemed kind of lazy and repetitive.  I’ll give it another shot during this upcoming week.

Unsolved Mysteries (Pluto TV)

I watched two episodes on Wednesday.  Both of the episodes aired in the 80s so I assume the mysteries have been solved by now.  And if they aren’t, they probably never will be.

Yellowjackets (Sunday Night, Showtime)

Oh my God, they ate Jackie!  I’m not sure why that surprised me, as I knew the cannibalism was going to start up at some point and, being dead and frozen, Jackie did seem like the most likely meal.  Meanwhile, in the present, Callie is going to end up getting her mother thrown in jail if she doesn’t watch the attitude.  And I’m still worried about the safety of the new dog.  Run, puppy, run!

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 4.15 “Dancing Isn’t Everything” and 5.1 “Stand By Your Man”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing California Dreams, which ran on NBC from 1992 to 1996.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, one season ends and another begins.

Episode 4.15 “Dancing Isn’t Everything”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on April 6th, 1996)

The fourth season of California Dreams comes to a close with one of its best episodes and a personal favorite of mine, Dancing Isn’t Everything.  In fact, I already reviewed this episode a few years ago.

Rewatching it, I was pleased to discover that I still continue to enjoy the episode.  Determined to prove the she’s more than just the band’s groupie, Lorena enters Sharky’s dance contest.  Unfortunately, a series of events conspire against her and she’s forced to dance with the very unrhythmic Sly.  Fortunately, Lorena learns about the importance of friendship and, even more importantly, this episode sets up the foundation for what will become Lorena and Sly’s romance during Season 5.

There are more than a few memorable moments from this episode, from Lorena coldly dismissing all of her potential dance partners to Sly breaking out his spastic dance moves whenever the judges aren’t looking.  My favorite moment is Sly reading the subtitles and discovering what Lorena actually said to him.  (If you watch carefully, you can see Kelly Packard breaking character and laughing in the background.)  This was also the first episode to feature Tony and Sam performing Next Big Thing.  “He’s so funky!”

This episode is California Dreams at its best and it brings the fourth season to worthy close.

Episode 5.1 “Stand By Your Man”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on September 7th, 1996)

The fifth and final season of California Dreams was the best of the show’s history.  It not only gave the show a proper send-off but it also gave all of the members of the cast to show how much they had grown as actors since the show began.  By the end of the fifth and final season of the show, the cast had proven themselves to be the type of tight and talented ensemble that could wring laughs and tears from even the most predictable of situations.

You wouldn’t necessarily know that from watching the first episode of the fifth season, though.  In this episode, Jake needs money to fix his motorcycle and takes a job that requires him to dress up like a pirate for the local seafood restaurant.  When he tires of his friends laughing at his costume, Jake gets another job at a local garage.  The pay is good and Jake does like working on cars and motorcycles.  However, his boss is an attractive woman named Mel.  (I have a sister named Melissa who we call Mel.  Hi, Mely!)  Tiffani gets jealous and, for some reason, she decides that it would be a good idea for her, Sam, and Lorena to put on fake beards and pretend to be old bikers so they can hang out around the garage.  (*Sigh*  Wacky disguises were a staple on these shows and they never cease to be annoying.)  This leads to them knocking over a motorcycle and Jake getting fired.  Jake is furious with Tiffany, not because he lost his job but because she didn’t trust him.  Tiffani apologizes and Jake forgives her.  He then gets his old pirate job back.  Arrrrgh!

Meanwhile, Sly and Tony try to catch Mark doing something stupid so they can win a video contest.  However, it turns out that Mark is actually filming them for the same contest.  Ha ha.

You may be under the impression that this episode was not a favorite of mine and you’re right.  It’s not.  It’s just too silly and cartoonish, particularly when compared to some of the other season 5 episodes.  This is the first episode of the final season and it’s hard not to feel that there should have been a bit more to it than just wacky disguises and a pirate joke.

Oh well!  Things will get better next week, as we move further into the final season of California Dreams.

Retro Television Reviews: Half Nelson Episode 1.4 “Uppers and Downers”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Half Nelson, which ran on NBC from March to May of 1985. Almost all nine of the show’s episodes can be found on YouTube!

The adventures of Rocky Nelson continue!

Episode 1.4 “Uppers and Downers”

(Dir by James Sheldon, originally aired on April 5th, 1985)

When a burglar alarm goes off in Beverly Hills, it’s Rocky Nelson (Joe Pesci) of Beverly Hills Patrol to the rescue!  Reaching the mansion of a local businessman (played by Cliff Gorman), Rocky discovers that the alarm was set off by a racoon.

(“A racoon is Beverly Hills!?” Gorman’s wife says, in a tone that suggests that racoons are unknown creatures in California.)

Rocky also happens to spot the next door neighbor (Nancy Stafford) leading her personal trainer into her house, whispering that she’s going to show him her bedroom.  At first, Rocky is amused but, later that day, Rocky hears that the personal trainer has been found, floating in Stafford’s swimming pool.  Stafford claims that the trainer had a heart attack while swimming but, upon arriving at the scene, Rocky immediately figures out that the trainer died in the house and was then dragged out to the pool.  Stafford swears that she didn’t kill him and Rocky believes her.  However, when the autopsy report reveals that the trainer was dead before he was put in the pool, Stafford is arrested and charged with murdering him by hitting him over the head.

Despite being told by his boss (Fred Williamson) to stay away from the case, Rocky feels that he has to prove Stafford’s innocence.  Rocky’s first plan is to have his associates, Kurt (Bubba Smith) and Beau (Dick Butkus), disguise themselves as mortuary attendants and steal the trainer’s body from the crematorium.  Rocky then takes the body to a coroner who does a second autopsy and discovers that not only did the trainer have a heart attack but that he was also poisoned!  Someone slipped the trainer a pill that was specifically designed to cause a heart attack.  Now, it’s up to Rocky to discover who that person was and clear Stafford’s name before Stafford’s husband (Brett Halsey, a veteran of Italian horror and spaghetti westerns) files for divorce.

Rocky deduces that the trainer was probably targeted by a jealous husband.  Rocky decides to disguise himself as a physical trainer so that he can get close to all of the dead man’s former clients.  How does Rocky prepare for this role?  He does calisthenics with his landlord, Dean Martin.  When Rocky mentions that he needs someone to determine whether or not his clients are lying to him, Dean Martin suggests that he steal a lie detector from the set of “Burt’s new film.”  (I’m guessing that Burt was a reference to Burt Reynolds, Dean’s co-star in two Cannonball Run films.)  Rocky promptly goes down to the studio backlot and steals a bunch of Burt Reynolds’s property.

(The backlot was a prominent and amusing part of the show’s pilot but it was ignored during last week’s episode.  I was glad to see it back for this episode because Dean Martin instructing Joe Pesci to steal Burt Reynolds’s lie detector will never not be amusing.)

Rocky meets with all of the dead trainer’s clients and tricks them into hooking themselves up to the lie detector by telling them that it’s a instrument that will check their heart rate.  Rocky discovers that any number of people could have wanted the trainer dead.  However, those of us in the audience already knows that Cliff Gorman is the murderer because we witnessed Gorman gloating about it earlier in the episode.  Rocky eventually figures it out as well and tricks Gorman into confessing by pretending to take one of the heart attack pills while driving Gorman around Beverly Hills.

Thanks to the visit to the studio lot and Dean Martin’s eccentric performance, this episode was an improvement on last week’s.  That said, it still suffered from the fact that the murder itself wasn’t that interesting (with Gorman’s ruthless businessman not getting much characterization beyond being evil).  Despite being second and third-billed in the opening credits, neither Victoria Jackson nor Fred Williamson got to do much in this episode and considering that both of those performers had their own unique and eccentric style, it feels like a bit of waste to just have them sitting in the office and uttering just a handful of lines per episode.  The main appeal of the show continues to be Joe Pesci, who brings a lot of streetwise charm to Rocky.  In the episodes that I’ve watched so far, Pesci is likable and engaging as Rocky and I think his performance would surprise a lot of people who are used to Pesci playing killers with hair-trigger tempers.  Rocky is smart and tough but ultimately rather friendly.  In his performance in Half Nelson, one can see hints of his later performance in The Irishman,  I just wish the rest of this show was as consistently good.

Next week: Joe Pesci faces off against John Saxon!  That sounds promising!  We’ll see how it goes.

Music Video of the Day: The World Is Not Enough by Garbage (1999, dir by Philipp Stölzl)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today’s music video of the day is the theme song for a James Bond film.  The video features a robot version of Shirley Manson, being built so that it  can replace the real Shirley and blow up a theater in Chicago.  This is a video that, if it were released today, I imagine would be quite controversial and people on twitter would be arguing about whether or not the video was glamorizing terrorism and AI.  However, when viewed in the proper context, this video is actually a clever tribute to the Bond films.  The fact that the video takes place in 1964 only adds to the homage as Sean Connery’s Bond epitomized the coolness of the early 60s.

Enjoy!

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 4.12 “Makin’ Up Is Hard To Do” and 4.13 “Living in America”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Al and Dawn have relationship trouble and the viewers are expected to endure a clip show.

Episode 4.12 “Makin’ Up Is Hard To Do”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 28th, 2000)

It’s Spring Fest.  Time for dance on the school roof!

Now, to be honest, this episode’s roof dance actually looks like it would be fun to attend.  The music is a lot more danceable than that jazz funk that the Jazz Posse played last week.  For once, it looks like Dawn actually put some effort into decorating the roof.  There aren’t any dead pigeons lying around.  It looks like fun until….

….for some reason, Chris starts dancing with Ms. Noble.  And then Ms. Noble leads the entire school in a disco line dance, Tony Manero-style.  I’ve said this a hundred times before but, people — SHE’S THE PRINCIPAL!  It is neither healthy nor believable for students to be this obsessed with their principal!

As I mentioned earlier, Dawn put the dance together.  This time, she worked with Nate, a new kid from California.  Because the show’s writers finally remembered that they were supposed to be a couple, Al got jealous of Nate and forbid her to work with him.  Dawn dumped Al, which would have been a big dramatic moment if not for the fact that the two of them hardly ever acted like they were dating in the first place.  Al attempted to sabotage the dance by booby-trapping a raffle box but, after discovering that Nate was a nice guy and having a change of heart, Al was the one who ended up with an ink pack exploding all over him.  Dawn was so moved by Al’s stupidity that she took him back.

Meanwhile, Jamal and some random student had a dance-off.  Jamal won.  Yay!

This episode actually wasn’t too bad.  The dance looked like fun.  Dawn shouldn’t have taken Al back, though.

Episode 4.13 “Living in America”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 4th, 2000)

Ms. Noble sets up a pen pal program between Manny High and Japan because, of course, she did.  Unfortunately, it turns out that Chris and Jamal have not been responding to the emails being sent by the Japanese students.  When Ms. Noble asks them why, Chris and Jamal reply that they don’t know what to talk about.  Then, the entire homerun ends up discussing all the amazing adventures that they’ve had.

Yep, it’s a clip show, delivered with all the straight-face earnestness of a show that had an extra episode to burn off.

“Hey, Train,” Al says at one point, “maybe you should tell everyone about that time you tried to be a wrestler….”

That pretty much sums up this episode.

Still, there is a little bit of drama when Ms. Noble suddenly announces, “Kids, I just heard there was an earthquake in Japan, not far from where your pen pals live.”  Well, I guess they won’t have to reply to those emails now …. oh wait, everyone survived.  That’s good.

For whatever reason, Tubi has removed City Guys from its site.  So, I will be watching the rest of this show on YouTube.  I think every episode is on YouTube but I can’t be sure.  We’ll find out, starring next week!

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.8 “A Time for Everything / The Song Is Ended / Accidental Cruise / Anoushka”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, hearts are broken on a special 90-minute episode of The Love Boat!

Episode 2.8 “A Time for Everything / The Song Is Ended / Accidental Cruise / Anoushka”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on November 4th, 1978)

What a sad episode!

Seriously, this cruise is all about heart break.

For instance, when Russian Commissar  Anoushka Mishancov (Loretta Swit) first boards the boat, Doc Bricker is upset when he’s assigned to keep an eye on her.  As has been established over the previous 32 episodes, Doc prefers to spend his time talking to women who are about twenty years younger than him and who are from capitalist countries.  Anoushka, on the other hand, is a communist (boo!) who, for some reason, is boarding the Pacific Princess so that she can learn about how Americans handle catering.  (I said it was weird.)  At first, Anoushka is so determined to do her duty that she insists on wearing her uniform at all times.

However, after Anoushka reveals that she does find old Doc Bricker to be a little bit intriguing, Julie tells her that she’s going to have to loosen up if she’s going to capture Doc’s attention.  Which, Anoushka does at dinner that night….

Eyes up, Gopher!

Doc does notice Anoushka.  In fact, he falls in love with her and, at the end of the cruise, he asks her to marry him!  Anoushka confesses to having fallen in love with Doc but then she explains that she also loves her country.  (Really?  It’s just Russia.)  Doc loves America and Anoushka loves Russia and, as a result, they cannot marry.  Anouska leaves the ship and a heart-broken Doc looks like he’s actually about to cry.  And let’s give credit where credit is due.  It’s a really well-acted scene.  Doc Bricker has always been a fairly ludicrous character but, in this episode, Bernie Kopell does a good job of suggesting that, even if he is a lecher, Doc Bricker is a lecher with a heart.

While Doc is falling in love with a commie, Captain Stubing is getting to know Vicki (Jill Whelan), the 9 year-old daughter of Captain Stubing’s former lover, the late Georgina (played, in flashbacks, by Melendy Britt).  Vicki was originally supposed to travel with her aunt, Delores (Sandra Deel).  However, something has come up and Delores will not be able to travel with her.  Captain Stubing agrees to look after Vicki and even allows Vicki to stay in his quarters.  Over the course of the cruise, Captain Stubing and Vicki bond.  Everyone agrees that they have the same eyes.  Of course, that’s because Vicki is actually Captain Stubing’s daughter!

Vicki wants to live on the ship but the Captain explains that a cruise ship is not a good place for a nine year-old to grow up.  Stubing considers retiring and living on dry land but Doc Bricker reminds Stubing that he would never be happy if he wasn’t on the ocean.  Stubing promises that Vicki can return to the boat whenever she has time off from school and he tells her that, when she gets older, she could even “be a cruise director, like Ms. McCoy.”

(In other words, don’t even think of trying to become a captain, girl!)

Now, of course, Vicki did later return to the ship.  In fact, she returned just a year later and became a regular during the third season.  I guess Captain Stubing decided that going to school on dry land wasn’t that important after all.  (We’ll find out when we reach the third season!)  That said, even with that in mind, it was undeniably sad to watch as Stubing sat in his cabin and struggled to hold back the tears after Vicki left the ship.  Much like Bernie Kopell, Gavin MacLeod gave a surprisingly heartfelt and sincere performance in this episode.

It wasn’t all sadness

Luckily, it wasn’t all heartbreak on this episode.  After getting drunk and boarding the boat by mistake, Sandy Beal (Jo Anne Worley) and Victor Marshall (Soupy Sales) fell in love for real.  And jingle writer Charlie Godwin (Robert Goulet) ran into his old song-writing partner (Richard Dawson) and the two of them saved Charlie’s marriage to June (Juliet Mills).  There were two happy endings but they were overshadowed by all the sadness.

This was a good episode.  Even The Love Boat needs a little heartbreak every once and a while.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 2.16 “Photographs/Royal Flush”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Smiles, everyone, smiles!  Especially you, Tattoo!

Episode 2.16 “Photographs/Royal Flush”

(Dir by Cliff Bole, originally aired on January 27th, 1979)

After announcing the arrival of the plane, Tattoo informs Mr. Roarke that he is reading a book on hypnotism.

“Ah, it’s hypnotism now,” Roarke replies, “To what end?”

Tattoo looks at a passing native girl as the cameraman gives the viewers a close-up of her sarong-covered behind.

Okay, 1979.  We see ya.

The less interesting of this week’s two fantasies involves the Fantasy Island poker tournament.  (Fantasy Island reminds a bit of Hell’s Kitchen, in that there’s always some weird theme night.)  Johnny Court (John Rubinstein) is an up-and-coming player whose fantasy is to play against the greatest poker player of all time, Victor Holly (John McIntire).  Johnny has borrowed a good deal of money from a group of gangsters in order to enter the tournament so, if Johnny doesn’t win, guess who is getting his fingers broken?

Complicating matters is that Victor travels with his daughter, Emily (Ronne Troup).  It doesn’t take long for Johnny to realize that Emily is helping Victor cheat but Johnny has also fallen in love with Emily.  To save his own life, he has to defeat Emily’s father but, if he does so, that’ll mean Victor will no longer have the money necessary to support his daughter.

This fantasy wasn’t terrible but it wasn’t particularly interesting either.  Rubinstein, McIntire, and Troup all gave good performances but the poker scenes were a bit draggy.  Perhaps it would have been more interesting to me if I was a poker player myself.  But I prefer craps, just because you get to jump up and down before rolling the dice.

The second fantasy was a bit more intruding.  Nancy Weston (Michele Lee) is photographer who has just returned from a trip to Europe and Asia, where she took many pictures.  When she got the pictures developed, she discovered that a mysterious girl appeared in almost all of the pictures, even though it would have been impossible for the girl to have followed her all the way from Stonehenge to Thailand without Nancy noticing.  Nancy’s fantasy is to know who the girl is and why she’s following her.

The girl shows up on Fantasy Island.  Her name is Allison (Elizabeth Cheshire) and, as Roarke explains, Allison is not only the daughter of a powerful psychic but she also has the power to speak to the dead as well.  And it turns out that one of the dead has a message for Nancy….

This fantasy was really well-done and nicely creepy.  At heart, it was a pretty basic ghost story but Michele Lee and Elizabeth Cheshire both gave good performances and some of the imagery — particularly of a white horse running in slow motion through a green field — was surprisingly effective.

All in all, one mild but well-acted fantasy and one memorably creepy fantasy came together and added up to one good episode of Fantasy Island!  These are the type of episodes that we fantasize about.