Tag Archives: review

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 9/29/24 — 10/5/24

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

As you can probably guess, I spent most of this week watching horror movies.  I didn’t watch many television shows but here’s a few thoughts on what I did watch.  (For those keeping track, I still need to watch the first episodes of the new season of Survivor and I guess the first few episodes of Doctor Odyssey.  Maybe I’ll find the time next week.)

American Sports Story: Aaron Hernandez (Wednesday Night, FX)

This week, Aaron finally made it to the NFL.  This episode was well-done and made a point about how sports is big business and how players are expected to have the right image but it was really hard not to feel that, as with so many Ryan Murphy productions, this episode basically spent 50 minutes telling a 15 minute story.  Did we have to see every details of Aaron at the combine?  Probably not.  Did we have to once again hit on all the stuff about Aaron’s family?  I mean, most of what was revealed in this episode was already revealed in the previous three episodes.  The danger with these shows is that they always drag out the story to such an extent that it’s easy to get bored.

Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, FOX)

Despite all of the talent assembled for the season, the first dinner service was a disaster!  Isn’t that always the way?  “GET OUT!” Ramsay shouted.  If I went to Hell’s Kitchen and my food wasn’t screwed up and if Chef Ramsay wasn’t yelling at people the entire time, I would feel extremely disappointed.

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

Law & Order is back.  The season premiere was bland, disappointing, and heavy-handed but that always seems to be the case when it comes to the premiere of each season of Law & Order.  For whatever reason, the season premiere is almost always the weakest episode of this series and the show usually steadily improves afterwards.  That said, this is an election year and the partisan atmosphere is exactly the type of thing that tends to inflame this show’s worst tendencies.  McCoy is still missed.  Why is Maroun even on the show?

One Step Beyond (YouTube)

I watched a few episodes this week and I shared them here on the site as a part of Horrorthon!  Be sure to check them out when you get a chance because they’re all pretty entertaining.  I like the fact that the show pretended to be based on fact.  It was like the Beyond Belief of its day.

Rescue: Hi-Surf (Fox, Monday)

On Sunday morning, I watched the first three episodes of this new Fox show about lifeguards in Hawaii.  There was nothing particularly original about this show.  It was basically just a remake of Baywatch but without that show’s self-awareness.  But the scenery was lovely and some of the rescues were exciting to watch.  This is a show that could definitely become a 9-1-1-style guilty pleasure, assuming it survives its debut season.

Square Pegs (YouTube)

With my friend Pat, I watched a Halloween episode of this old 80s sitcom on Friday night.  It was amusing enough.  A very young Sarah Jessica Parker was apart of the cast and far more likable than she’s ever been on Sex and the City.

Horror On TV: One Step Beyond 1.6 “Epilogue” (dir by John Newland)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Carl Archer (Charles Aidman) is a recovering alcoholic who returns home after an extended stay in a rehab.  His wife (Julie Adams, of Creature of the Black Lagoon and The Last Movie fame) is skeptical about whether or not Carl has really sobered up and is prepared to be a responsible father to their son, Steve (Charles Herbert).  When Steve gets trapped in a cave, will Carl be able to use their psychic connection to find and rescue him?

Can you prove this didn’t happen!?

This episode originally aired on February 24th, 1959.

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 4.2 “The Drop-Ins Part 2”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, the fourth season premiere concludes.

Episode 4.2 “The Drop-Ins Part 2”

(Dir by Norman Abbott, originally aired on September 11th, 1978)

When last we saw the Sweathogs, they were planning on dropping out of school and getting real jobs, just like Barbarino.

At the start of the second part of the fourth season premiere, we discover the details of Barbarino’s new job.  He does indeed work at the hospital but, unlike what his classmates assumed, he’s not a doctor.  He’s not a nurse.  He’s not an X-ray technician.  He’s an orderly.  He mops the floor and he changes the sheets and he fluffs the pillows.  As he puts it, “I make 68 dollars a week and ten of that goes to Uncle Sam.”

(Little does Barbarino know that only having to give ten dollars to Uncle Sam would sound pretty good to future viewers.  I imagine by this point next year, we’ll be giving every cent to Uncle Sam and maybe we’ll be lucky to get some stale bread and Flint water in return.  And, of course, everyone will pretend to love it.)

Gabe comes down to see Barbarino.  He tells Barbarino that the Sweathogs look up to him and he asks Barbarino to talk to them about staying in school.  Barbarino, who is mopping the floor, points out that he dropped out and he’s already got a job.

“If this is all you want to do with your life,” Gabe says, looking at Barbarino’s mop and bucket, “you didn’t need to go to school.”

“Now you to tell me,” Barbarino replies.

As for the Sweathogs, they’ve already talked to Barbarino and applied for jobs at the hospital.  But, looking over their applications, they realize that they have no job experience, no educational accomplishments, and no chance of getting a job.

When a patient nearly dies because Barbarino didn’t know how to push the emergency button or where to find the crash cart, he realizes that he needs to get more education.  Soon, he and the Sweathogs are standing in the doorway of Mr. Kotter’s classroom, ready for a new schoolyear.  Barbarino says he’s going to be a doctor but he knows he has to graduate high school first.  As for the other Sweathogs — well, they’re 40 year-old high school students.  What other choice do they have but to go to class?

Part Two of The Drop-Ins is a significant improvement on Part One, largely because the majority of the episode follows John Travolta’s Barbarino.  None of the Sweathogs were bad actors but, when watching an episode like this one, it’s easy to see why Travolta’s the one who went on to become a movie star.  As Barbarino, Travolta just has a natural charisma that can’t be faked.  Of the main Sweathogs, Barbarino is the one who you really find yourself hoping will eventually graduate.  He’s just such a nice guy, even if he is a little …. slow.

And so ends the fourth season premiere.  The Sweathogs are back in class ….  but for how long?

Horror on the Lens: Plan 9 From Outer Space (dir by Edward D. Wood, Jr.)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Viewing Plan 9 From Outer Space during October is a bit of a tradition around these parts and here at the Shattered Lens, we’re all about tradition.  And since the 100th anniversary of the birth of Ed Wood, Jr. is just a five days away, it just seems appropriate to watch his best-known film.

Speaking of tradition, this 1959 sci-fi/horror flick is traditionally cited as the worst film ever made but I don’t quite agree.  For one thing, the film is way too low-budget to be fairly judged against other big budget fiascoes.  If I have to watch a bad movie, I’ll always go for the low budget, independent feature as opposed to the big studio production.  To attack Ed Wood for making a bad film is to let every other bad filmmaker off the hook.  Ed Wood had his problems but he also had a lot of ambition and a lot of determination and, eventually, a lot of addictions.  One thing that is often forgotten by those who mock Ed Wood is that he drank himself to death and died living in squalor.  The least we can do is cut the tragic figure some slack.

Plan 9 From Outer Space is a ludicrous film but it’s also a surprisingly ambitious one and it’s got an anti-war, anti-military message so all of you folks who have hopped down the progressive rabbit hole over the past few years should have a new appreciation for this film.  I mean, do you want the government to blow up a Solarnite bomb?  DO YOU!?

Also, Gregory Walcott actually did a pretty good job in the lead role.  He was one of the few members of the cast to have a mainstream film career after Plan 9.

Finally, Plan 9 is a tribute to one man’s determination to bring his vision to life.  Ed Wood tried and refused to surrender and made a film with a message that he believed in and, for that, he deserves to be remembered.

Now, sit back, and enjoy a little Halloween tradition.  Take it away, Criswell!

Can you prove it didn’t happen?

WELL, CAN YOU!?

October Positivity: Thy Neighbor (dir by George A. Johnson)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

2017’s Thy Neighbor led me to spend way too much time thinking about neighborhood hot tub etiquette.

Amber Reynolds (Jessica Koloian) is the wife of pastor Zach Reynolds (Nathan Clarkson).  Zach used to be fat.  Zach used to pick fights and carry a gun.  However, Zach lost a ton of weight, wrote a book about how he got thin and conquered his anger issues, and is now something of a celebrity.  He’s been invited to be the new pastor at the local megachurch and, upon moving into their new home, Amber makes it a point to bake cookies for all of her new neighbors.  One of the neighbors (Dave Payton) — who is simply called The Neighbor for the majority of the film — doesn’t care much for church but he sure does like those cookies.  Zach thinks that the Neighbor is creepy and he doesn’t want Amber having anything to do with him.  Amber thinks that the Neighbor needs someone to talk to so she invites him to come relax in the hot tub with her.

Seriously….

My neighbors across the street have a hot tub and I’ve pretty much got an open invitation to use it whenever I want.  Many a night, we’ve all relaxed in the hot tub and talked about whatever we felt like talking about at the time.  But I’m also extremely close to my neighbors.  I have a lot in common with my neighbors, as we all graduated from the same college and we tend to have similar cultural and political outlooks.  They’re friends, along with being neighbors and it also helps that we all look in our swimsuits.  And even so, they still got to know me a little before they said, “Hey, feel free to come use our hot tub whenever you feel like it.”  My point is that I have a hard time buying that anyone, regardless of how nice they are or how much they want to help their husband win points around the neighborhood, would invite a total stranger to strip down and join them in the hot tub.  That’s especially true when you’re the mother of a young son and your husband is away from the house and when the stranger in question is kind of creepy and bizarrely aggressive in the way that he talks to people.

Zach is not amused to return home and find the Neighbor in the hot tub.  After the Neighbor leaves, Amber argues that Zach needs to make an effort to reach out to everyone, even creepy people like The Neighbor.  As for The Neighbor, he starts trying to break up Zach and Amber’s marriage by trying to get Zach to lose his temper and trying to convince Amber that Zach is having an affair with a church secretary….

This is not a typical faith-based film.  It’s a thriller, one that conveys its message with a minimum amount of preaching and which features a trio of strong performances from Koloian, Clarkson, and Payton.  The film argues that everyone should be treated with kindness while, at the same time, acknowledging that some people are very, very annoying.  The Neighbor is a total creep but he’s also someone who appears to have spent a good deal of his life being victimized.  Unusually for a film of this sort, Thy Neighbor ends on a rather dark and melancholy note, again acknowledging that things are not always as easy as the movies would have us believe.  Amber is determined to be kind while Zach cannot let go of his suspicions.  In the end, it’s obvious that it’ll take more than a few hours in the hot tub to fix these broken souls.

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 2.12 “The Playhouse”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

Agck!  Stranger danger!

Episode 2.12 “The Playhouse”

(Dir by Tom McLoughlin, originally aired on January 28th, 1989)

Mike and Janine Carlson (played by Robert Oliveri and Lisa Jakub) are two young siblings living in the suburbs.  They don’t have much of a life.  Their mother (Belinda Metz) is neglectful and continually complains that her children are the reason why she can’t find a rich boyfriend.  Mike and Janine don’t appear to have any close friends.  Children are vanishing all over town and parents are telling their kids, “Don’t go off with strangers!” but no one seems to care enough about Mike and Janine to even check to make sure that they haven’t been kidnapped.

Mike and Janine have a playhouse, a gift that was given to them by one of their mother’s former boyfriends.  The playhouse is the only place where they feel happy.  It’s a place where they literally get anything that they wish for.  But sometimes, the door to the playhouse is locked.  When that happens, Mike and Janine have to convince someone else to go into the playhouse.  Once someone enters the playhouse, they find themselves trapped in a nightmarish world that is full of evil clowns and other circus figures.  Mike and Janine have to chant, “I hate you!  I hate you!” while the playhouse claims its victims.

Agck!  Seriously, this is a disturbing episode!  Not only are Mike and Janine terribly abused but almost all of their victims are children.  Perhaps because of the age of the people involved, this is the only episode of Friday the 13th: The Series in which no one dies.  They’re held prisoner in the playhouse and probably traumatized for life but they don’t die.  Fortunately, that means that they can be freed once Jack convinces Mike to chant, “I love you!” instead of “I hate you!”

Yep, this episode is all about the power of love but you really have to wonder if all of Mike and Janine’s problems can be solved by chanting, “I love you!”  I mean, aren’t the other kids going to remember that Mike and Janine held them prisoner in a nightmare universe?  The episode may end with the playhouse defeated by Mike and Janine are still living in that terrible suburb and their mother is still a resentful alcoholic.  Even though this episode has what would most would consider to be a happy ending — the kids are free! — it’s still incredibly dark.

This episode definitely left me feeling a bit shaken.  I hate seeing children in danger and that’s what this episode was all about.  Even things that sound kind of silly — like Mike chanting “I hate you!” while the playhouse does its thing — are actually rather disturbing when viewed.  The child actors are almost too convincing in this episode.  In the end, Jack says that all you need is love but this episode leaves you wondering if he’s correct.

Horror On TV: One Step Beyond Episode 1.4 “The Dark Room” (dir by John Newland)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

On tonight’s episode of One Step Beyond, Cloris Leachman plays Rita Wallace, an American photographer in France.  She’s looking for a model whose face will serve as the ultimate symbol of the country.  One day, a haunted-looking man (Marel Dalio) shows up at her apartment.  She thinks he’s a model.  The truth, needless to say, is something quite different….

This episode features good performances from both Leachman and Dalio.  In real life, Dalio was an icon of French cinema and a favorite of Jean Renoir’s.  When the Nazis invaded France, the Jewish Dalio fled Paris and, after a harrowing journey, eventually made it to America.  In America, he played the croupier in Casablanca and appeared in several other films.  Tragically, the rest of his family did not escape and were murdered by the Nazis.  Dalio returned to France after the end of the war and remained an in-demand character actor for several more decades, making his final film appearance in 1980.

The Darkroom originally aired on February 10th, 1959.

October Hacks: Splatter University (dir by Richard W. Haines)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

As we started to watch 1984’s Splatter University, Jeff warned me that, “This is not a great movie.”

I laughed.  “Hey,” I said, “I just watched Satan’s Children.  How bad can it be?”

I looked at the screen and was immediately confronted by a poorly animated picture of the New York Skyline.

“Oh crap,” I said.

Four words appeared on screen: “A Troma Team Release”

“Oh, no!” I shouted….

Still, I’m not one to stop watching a film once it starts so I watched the entirety of Splatter University.  Fortunately, it was only 78 minutes long and, regardless of what else one might say about it, it did not waste much time getting to the murders.  Within the opening few minutes, an orderly in a mental hospital got stabbed in the crotch, with the camera zooming in on the blood spurting out from his groin,  The patient who stabbed him took the orderly’s clothes (which, quite frankly, should have been covered in blood so I’m not sure that they would actually be the ideal disguise) and makes his escape.

Three years later, a sociology professor is brutally stabbed to death in her classroom at St. Trinian’s College and again, the camera zooms in on the spurting blood, as if to make sure that no one accuses the film of lying about the “splatter” part.  Her quickly-hired replacement is Julie Parker (Forbes Riley), who soon notices that someone seems to be murdering her students.  Being a good teacher, Julie decides to protect her students by figuring out who the murderer is at St. Trinian’s College.  Fortunately, there aren’t that many suspects, for two reasons.  Number one, the students and faculty die with such frequency that it’s easy to guess who is responsible by process of elimination.  Number two, it appears that the makers of this film could only afford a handful of actors.  St. Trinian’s appears to have about twenty students and most of them appear to be in their early forties.

On the one hand, as I mentioned previously, Splatter University does live up to its name.  It’s obvious that the production didn’t have a huge budget but it appears that the majority of what the filmmakers did have was spent on fake blood and entrails because a lot of blood is spilled and one particularly gruesome scene even involves intestines spilling out of a body.  Agck!  (Seriously, the sight of the large intestine always freaks me out.)  I really can’t fault the film as a slasher flick, even if the killer’s identity is obvious.  That said, this was still a Troma release and, as such, there’s a lot about it that sucks.  Apparently, the original film was too short so Troma added some badly acted, “comedic” scenes of the students acting stupid.  Those scenes pad out the film’s length but they also screw with the pacing and they distract the viewer from what is otherwise a crudely affective, low-budget American giallo film.  But that’s Troma for you!

(And, let’s be honest — how can you not love Lloyd Kaufman?)

The TSL’s Horror Grindhouse: Satan’s Children (dir by Joe Wiezycki)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 1974 film, Satan’s Children, tells the story of unfortunate Bobby Douglas (Stephen White).

Bobby is a teenager who lives in a hideous suburban house with his stepfather (Eldon Mecham) and his stepsister (Joyce Molloy), who looks old enough to be Bobby’s mother.  Bobby’s a rebellious kid who doesn’t understand why he should always have to cut the grass while his stepsister hangs out by the pool.  Bobby is sick of the whole scene, man.  When his stepfather yells at Bobby for having a small stash of marijuana in his room, Bobby decides to run away from home.  Seriously, that scene was totally melvin so I don’t blame Bobby.

Bobby goes to a bar, where an old man tries to talk to him until Jake (Bob Barcour) tells the old man to get lost.  Jake tells Bobby that he has to be careful because there are perverts all over the place.  Bobby nods and laughs because Bobby’s not a square.  He knows what’s up.  Jake invites Bobby to come hang out at his place and Bobby is like, “Cool, way too friendly stranger, I’ll get you in your rape van.”  Bobby goes home with Jake and is promptly raped.  With Bobby naked and bound, Jake calls all of his friends over and Bobby is then gang raped.  The scene where Jake and his friends drive the bound Bobby around is pure nightmare fuel and I can only imagine how audiences in 1974 reacted to it.

The next morning, a group of hippies found Bobby lying in a field and they take him back to their commune.  Of course, these folks aren’t just hippies.  They’re also Satanists!  Sherry (Kathleen Marie Archer) wants to let Bobby stay with them while she nurses him back to health.  Joshua (John Edwards), an older member of the group, says that Bobby isn’t welcome because Bobby is probably “queer.”  Simon (Robert C. Ray II), the turtleneck-wearing leader of the group, is also hesitant to allow Bobby to stay and again, it’s because Simon assumes Bobby must be gay.  Simon also makes it clear that he doesn’t want any lesbians in his Satanic cult either.  He just wants people who are prepared to carry out a blood sacrifice….

(I swear, that Satan.  Not only is he the ruler of Hell and the tormenter of souls and the fallen angel responsible for getting Adam and Eve kicked out of the Garden and bringing sin into the world, he’s also apparently a massive homophobe!)

While the Satanists torture Sherry for displeasing Simon, Bobby tries to figure out a way to escape.  Fair warning: the majority of the film’s finale involves Bobby running around in tighty-whities, which get progressively more and more mud-stained as the movie goes on.  Seriously, ew!  On the other hand, not one but two people manage to die as a result of accidentally wandering into quicksand.  If nothing else, it’s a reminder that Bobby isn’t the only incredibly stupid person in the movie.

This is a weird movie.  I imagine it was made to capitalize on the notoriety of the Manson Family but, with its extended opening scenes in the suburbs, it instead becomes an ennui-drenched look at how far people will go to escape conventional society.  Despite all the of the truly terrible things that happen to him, Bobby is not a sympathetic or likable character.  In fact, he comes across as being just the type of idiot who probably would get sucked into a cult.  That said, the film is truly a unique (if rather slow) experience and the brutal ending took me totally by surprise.  Like many grindhouse film, Satan’s Children is an oddity that you truly can’t look away from.

Retro Television Review: T and T 3.17 “Nightmare”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990.  The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, Terri is approached by a man who claims to be a political refugee.  But is he really?  It’s a good thing T.S. Turner doesn’t have anything better to do than help her out.

Episode 3.17 “Nightmare”

(Dir by Don McCutcheon, originally aired on April 28th, 1990)

While walking down the street in Canada, Terri is approached by a desperate man (William Colgate), who introduces himself as Sebastian Fuentes.  He explains that he was a newspaper editor in his native country of San Miguel.  After a left-wing death squad killed his family, Sebastian fled to North America.  Now, he needs Terri’s help to be designated a refugee.  He claims that there are people from San Miguel who want him dead and, for that reason, he cannot risk going to the authorities or even being seen in Terri’s office.  He says he has to hide, no matter what.

Terri doesn’t know anything about immigration law.  Both T.S Turner and a sleazy lawyer named Kerr (Don Allison) warn her that she shouldn’t be so quick to believe Sebastian’s story.  But something about Sebastian’s fear touches Terri’s heart and she agrees to help him.

Unfortunately, it turns out that both Turner and Kerr were correct.  Sebastian is actually a colonel who murdered the real Sebastian.  The nightmares that haunt him are not about watching his family being killed but instead about being the killer himself.  The people who are searching for him are not government agents but instead the relatives of the people who he victimized in his home country.  Eventually, Sebastian’s real identity is discovered by some fellow refugees (one of whom is played by a young Jill Hennessy) and he ends up in prison, haunted by his crimes.

This was an unusually serious episode of T and T.  Indeed, it was shot more like an episode of Monsters than a typical episode of this show.  Unfortunately, with the exception of Don Allison’s performance as the sleazy Mr. Kerr, the acting in this episode was pretty dodgy and it was easy to guess that Sebastian was going to turn out to not be who he said he was.

Probably the most interesting thing about this episode is that it aired 34 years ago but the issues that it deals with are the same issues that are going on today.  Dictators are still coming to power and abusing their citizens and, as a result, refugees are still flooding over the border.  The immigration system is still broken and it doesn’t appear that anyone is truly interested in finding a way to fix it.  This episode aired in 1990, long before men like Venezuela’s Maduro came to power.  The issues that are dealt with in this episode existed before the current crop of dictators and they will undoubtedly continue even after people like Maduro fade into history.