Tag Archives: review

Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 2.15 “The Mobius”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Mitch and Ryan go to the future!

Episode 2.15 “The Mobius”

(Dir by David Livingston, originally aired on March 2nd, 1997)

Mitch and Ryan’s plans to attend the opening of a hot new club on the beach are interrupted by the arrival of Ashley (Laura Interval), who is an old college friend of Ryan’s.  Ashley explains that her husband and colleague, John (Neil Roberts), has managed to open a portal to an unknown world and now he spends all of his time obsessing on it.

(Well, who wouldn’t?)

Accompanied by Teague, Mitch and Ryan go with Ashley to the laboratory.  John is busy tossing a football into the portal.  Something or someone on the other side throws the football back.  Teague and Ryan are really impressed with the portal.  Ashley and Mitch both think that the portal is something that shouldn’t be messed with.  When Ashley accidentally stumbles into the portal and vanishes, Mitch and Ryan follow.

They find themselves in what appears to be the ruins of Los Angeles.  Ryan speculates that they’re in a parallel universe while Mitch thinks that they might be in the future.  (Technically, they’re both right.  It is the future but it’s the future of a parallel universe.)  Mitch finds a newspaper announcing that the world had caught on fire due to pollution burning a hole in the Earth’s atmosphere.  In an amazing coincidence, they also stumble across one of Ryan’s professors.  Professor Arnold (Kay E. Kuter) is old and dying but he still has his notes that detail what should have been done to prevent the end of the world.

Mitch, Ryan, and Ashley want to get those notes back to the present but it won’t be easy.  Not only do they have to find the portal before it closes but they also have to avoid a bunch of mutated humans who now spend their time dressed like monks and chasing people around the ruins.  Even when Ryan, Ashley, and Mitch do find the portal back, the professor’s notes burn up as they pass through.

“I guess we’ll have to figure it out for ourselves,” Mitch says, looking at the charred binder.

Yes, this episode has a message!  Don’t pollute or Los Angeles will end up looking like a messy studio backlot and all your friends will join the Holy Order of Cannibal Mutations.  One has to wonder whether or not this episode influenced Cormac McCarthy when he wrote The Road.  Hmmm …. probably not.

Heavy-handed messaging aside, it’s not a bad episode.  If there’s any actor who born to run through a messy backlot while fighting mutant monks, it’s David Hasselhoff.  Especially when compared to the previous two episodes, The Mobius is fast-paced and it actually has a plot that the viewer can follow.  It’s silly but it’s fun, in the way that a show like Baywatch Nights should be.

As the episode ends, the Hoff suggests that maybe, if the future’s bad, we should be sure to enjoy the present.  That sounds like good advice to me!  That’s the wisdom of the Hoff.

A Blast From The Past: One Step Beyond 3.15 “The Last Round” (dir by John Newland)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

In this episode from 1961, Charles Bronson stars as Yank Dawson, an aging boxer who finds himself in haunted auditorium in England during World War II. Bronson was 39 years old when he starred as Yank Dawson and he gives a good performance. The role makes good use of both Bronson’s imposing physicality and also the smoldering anger that would eventually make Bronson a star in both Europe and, later, the United States.

The episode below first aired on January 10th, 1961.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.14 “Daddy’s Little Girl/The Whistle”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, the stars align and John Carradine shows up on Fantasy Island.

Episode 5.14 “Daddy’s Little Girl/The Whistle”

(Dir by Don Chaffey and Don Weis, originally aired on January 30th, 1982)

The plane is landing and Mr. Roarke and Julie are getting ready to meet their guests for the weekend.  But wait a minute — where’s Tattoo!?  Roarke explains that Tattoo has volunteered to spend the weekend learning how to do CPR.  When a voluptuous nurse walks by, Julie rolls her eyes and says that Tattoo only cares about learning “mouth-to-mouth.”

“Julie!” Mr. Roarke snaps, even though Julie is probably correct.

Anyway, any episode without Tattoo feels strange and that’s certainly true of this episode.  There are two fantasies, one of which was dramatically better than the other.  The lesser of the two fantasies involves Christa Ackland (Genie Francis) and her efforts to find out the identity of her father.  All she knows is that her mother (Carolyn Jones) knew her father in the Philippines during World War II.  Christa is going to be married on Fantasy Island and she wants her real father to give her away.

Three men, all of whom served in the Air Force together, step forward and claim, one after the other, to be Christa’s father.  When Christa finally confronts her mother, she learns that her father is not Gene (John Ericson), Al (Alan Hale, Jr.), or Bert (Gene Nelson).  Instead, he was a guy named …. well, Guy.  Guy was shot down while on a mission.  Gene, Al, and Bert all explain that the stepped forward and claimed to be her father out of loyalty to Guy and because they didn’t want Christa to learn on her wedding say that her father was dead.  (Apparently, they felt that information would be better received after the honeymoon.)  Christa is surprisingly forgiving.  She realizes that her stepfather (William Windom) has more than earned the right to give her away.  Christa marries George Stickney (James Daughton, the head of the evil frat in Animal House) and Julie cries at the wedding.  Awwww!

The main problem with this storyline was that Genie Francis gave a surprisingly bad performance as Christa.  Instead of coming across as someone who truly wanted to know about her real father, she instead came across as being petulant and more than a little self-righteous.  Carolyn Jones, William Windom, and the three potential fathers were all likable but none could make up for the unsympathetic lead character.

The other fantasy was a bit more fun, even if was impossible to follow the story.  Iconologist Adrian Brilles (Edward Winters) dreams of making a great discovery that will bring him fame and prove his theories about ancient hieroglyphics to be correct.  Mr. Roarke sends him to a ghost town that is also the home of a museum of ancient artifacts.  Working with curator Leila Proctor (Ann Turkel), Adrian discovers what he describes as being “the Rosetta Stone of hieroglyphics.”  He also discovers an ancient whistle that will grant him three wishes.

There are a few townspeople, all of whom take a lot of interest in Adrian’s work.  Their leader is the town’s mortician and he’s played by — YES! — JOHN CARRADINE!  And though Carradine doesn’t get to do much and was obviously physically frail when he filmed this episode, his famous voice and his piercing stare combine to make the Mortician a memorable character.  There’s also a fairly ridiculous scene where the townspeople reveal their true selves, which means dancing around while wearing rubber demon masks.  It’s silly but it’s effective.

It’s never quite clear what’s happening at the ghost town, beyond the three wishes being a set up to bring the demonic townspeople into the world and to cost Adrian his soul.  Fortunately, Mr. Roarke pops up and gives Adrian some cryptic advice about the third wish being the most important.  For his first wish, Adrian wishes for the townspeople to be their true selves.  (Cue the demon dance.)  For his second wish, he goes for fame and adulation.  For his third wish, he cancels the first two wishes and this somehow set free not only his soul but Leila’s as well.

Yep, it doesn’t make much sense but it’s got John Carradine and a bunch of horror imagery so it’s fun.  That’s all I really ask for when it comes to Fantasy Island.  The whistle fantasy makes up for the wedding fantasy and the lack of Tattoo.  This was a worthwhile trip to the Island.

Bonus Horror Song of the Day: The Dead Are After Me by George Edward Lott

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

The dead!  Are after me!

The 1986 film, Raiders of the Living Dead, features what may be the greatest song ever written about zombies.  For your listening pleasure, here is George Edward Lott’s The Dead Are After Me!

Horror on the Lens: The Night Stalker (dir by John Llewelyn Moxey)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

For today’s horror on the lens, we have a real treat!  (We’ll get to the tricks later…)

Long before he achieved holiday immortality by playing the father in A Christmas Story, Darren McGavin played journalist Carl Kolchak in the 1972 made-for-TV movie, The Night Stalker.  Kolchak is investigating a series of murders in Las Vegas, all of which involve victims being drained of their blood.  Kolchak thinks that the murderer might be a vampire.  Everyone else thinks that he’s crazy.

When this movie first aired, it was the highest rated made-for-TV movie of all time.  Eventually, it led to a weekly TV series in which Kolchak investigated various paranormal happenings.  Though the TV series did not last long, it’s still regularly cited as one of the most influential shows ever made.

The Night Stalker is an effective little vampire movie and Darren McGavin gives a great performance as Carl Kolchak.

Enjoy!

Horror Song of the Day: Mater Tenebrarum by Keith Emerson

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Inferno (1980, dir by Dario Argento, DP: Romana Albano)

Today’s horror song of the day comes from Keith Emerson’s soundtrack of Dario Argento’s Inferno.  I have to admit that, when I first saw Inferno, I thought that Emerson’s music was maybe a little bit too overdramatic for the film but, on subsequent viewings, it’s really grown on me.

Emerson did not have an enviable task, having to follow up Goblin’s soundtrack for Suspiria.  But Emerson pulled it off, crafting a score that compliments Goblin’s earlier work while maintaining an identity of its own.

“Okay Google”, Dir. Levi Morgan, Short Film Review by Case Wright

Posted on by casewright

His title card was terrible so I’m using the New York Yankees. Why not? We have a haunted house theme in this story where Google speaker is involved. Alexa’s evil twin. The main character is at his house, which I believe is probably Levi’s residence because his films always take place there. He ask google speaker to help him, but she has turned…..EVIL!!!
The main character asks to google to turn the light back on upstairs and he sees…… a shape. This is kinda scary. Google speaker puts on license free music on for mood; so, evil or not- she is protecting Levi’s shoestring budget. I give him credit for editing in music.

The character unplugs the device and it still talks. It’s a good trope. I don’t hate on that. There is a guy in his house who has a cloak on, which is definitely bad. The shape approaches him. He begs google to turn on the light, but instead she goes rogue and turns off the lights.

I meant to watch a horror comedy, but oops – it’s just horror. I actually might put this in the thriller category because there’s an artificial intelligence working in collusion with the evil shape- is that like a google prime option? I mean I’m not saying that we should pay for google to do evil, but I mean….a little evil? Nothing permanent- mild evil like crappy salsa that never satisfies.

I do admit that I feel bad for Levi Morgan because he hasn’t done anything since 2023 and he’s doing some normal job now. His films are good enough. Levi’s not Hitchcock, but he’s better than Alex Magana and that’s important. I hope he makes it a vibrant hobby. Levi is just not great at writing. His scene angle setups and cinematography is not bad. Levi can make a scene suspenseful and I think he would be a good director of photography. He does need a writer. God doesn’t give with both hands and I would encourage him to pursue a career as a Director of Photography and Directing. I’m not gonna crap on him. He’s has talent and should focus on cinematography.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 2.17 “The Matchmakers”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, Jon and Ponch play matchmaker!

Episode 2.17 “The Matchmakers”

(Dir by Harvey S. Landman, originally aired on January 27th, 1979)

Cora (Jenny O’Hara) is an eccentric woman who lives in an old farmhouse with a bunch of animals.  Her landlord is evicting her and the county is planning to not only bulldoze her home but also take and possibly destroy all of her animals unless she can find a new place for them.  Twice, she tries to commit suicide by driving her truck recklessly.  Both times, she is saved by Ponch and Baker.

Dirk Hutchins (Gregory Walcott) is a crotchety old man who has served with the Highway Patrol for 30 years and is now on the verge of forced retirement.  He doesn’t know what he’s going to do with himself once he’s no longer on the job.  Hutchins spends his last work week taking outrageous risks, leading Ponch and Baker to worry that he’s trying to go out in a blaze of suicidal glory.

What solution do Ponch and Baker come up with for Cora and Dirk?  They decide to play matchmaker!  Cora ends up moving onto Dirk’s property (and brings along all of her animals) and maybe Dirk will end up falling in love with Cora.  And then, they’ll both have a reason to live!

Listen, this episode’s heart is in the right place.  I’m certainly not going to fault the intentions of any episode that features Ponch and Baker trying to help two suicidal people.  But, seriously, Cora was such an annoying character!  The show portrayed her as being so unhinged and so emotionally unstable that you couldn’t help but wonder if having her move in with grumpy old Dirk was really the best way to go about things.  Cora really did seem like she needed professional help, the type that went way beyond having a place to keep her animals.

As for Dirk, I was happy to see that he was played by Gregory Walcott.  As many of you already know, Walcott’s greatest claim to fame was starring in Ed Wood’s Plan Nine From Outer Space.  Walcott survived Plan Nine and went on to become a durable character actor, appearing in westerns and war films.  Walcott gives a believably ruggedly performance as Dirk, even if the character himself is not exactly someone you would want to get stuck on an elevator with.

There is a subplot involving a private investigator (Danny Wells) who had been hired to kidnap a kid and bring him back to his no-good father.  And there’s a fairly well-done scene where Dirk and Getraer work to keep a truck from turning over on top of a car.  There is a little action but still, this episode didn’t quite work.

Horror on TV: One Step Beyond 3.6 “Moment of Hate” (dir by John Newland)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

On tonight’s episode of One Step Beyond, fashion designer Karen Wadsworth (Joanne Linville) believes that she has the power to cause people to die just by wishing death upon them.  Her psychiatrist tells her that this simply isn’t possible and then dares her to try one little test of her supposed powers.

This episode features a good performance by Joanne Linville and, if nothing else, it perhaps makes the case that we should be a little bit less quick to wish the worst upon other people.  Just imagine all of the damage that Karen could have caused if she had ever set up a twitter account.

This episode originally aired on October 25th, 1960.