Retro Television Review: City Guys 3.1 “Greece Is The Word” and 3.2 “Mr. Baseball”

Posted on December 1, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Season 3 of City Guys begins with a new school year! Interestingly enough, everyone was either a junior or a senior when this show began so you really do have to wonder why they’re all still going to Manny High. I mean, L-Train was investigating colleges just a few episodes ago!

It’s almost as if TNBC just didn’t care….

Episode 3.1 “Greece Is The Word”

(Directed by Frank Bonner, originally aired on September 11th, 1999)

Oh, Christ. Let’s get into this….

A new school year has begun! Al and L-Train are looking forward to hazing freshmen. Dawn has sworn that she is not going to spread herself too thin this semester. Jamal shows up on campus and all of the students applaud. Chris shows up and explains that he spent his summer in Greece and had a romance with a girl named Ariana. Chris and Jamal do not do their stupid radio program so maybe that’s something that the show has finally abandoned.

Anyway, Ms. Nobel thinks that a school dance will be the perfect way to start the year. Cassidy and Chris immediately volunteer to organize the dance. It can be a 50s dance, they decide. Everyone can wear leather jackets and poodle skirts and they can have a hula hoop contest! Is there some reason why these schools can never have a normal dance?

In order to research the 50s, Chris and Cassidy go to an arthouse theater that is showing …. you’ve already guessed, I’m sure …. GREASE! Chris and Cassidy end up making out while watching the movie so they are now officially dating. Except …. uh-oh, what’s Ariana doing in New York!? Her father is in New York on business so Ariana decided to come with him so she could see Chris. It turns out that she still thinks that she’s dating Chris. It also turns out that Ariana delivers all of her lines in heavily accented broken English and the audience thinks it’s hilarious.

What’s dumb is that Cassidy already knows that Chris had a romance in Greece. He told her about at the movie. So, it’s not like she doesn’t know who Ariana is. Cassidy got into a relationship with Chris fully aware that he had feelings for Ariana just a few weeks previously. But, instead of telling Cassidy that Ariana is in town, Chris decided to lie to both of them. He tells Ariana that he doesn’t have a New York girlfriend and he doesn’t tell Cassidy a thing. Chris thinks that he can pull it off because Ariana is only going to be in town for a day but what if Ariana decides to stop by the dance before she leaves the country?

And yes, that’s exactly what happens. Ariana gets upset and yells in broken English, which the audience finds hilarious. Chris, who is dressed up like Elvis, apologizes to Cassidy. Cassidy says that they’re going to have to take their relationship slowly. So, I guess that means the writers still hadn’t decided whether they really wanted to commit to Cassidy and Chris as a couple. We’ll see if this is another one of those storylines that gets abandoned or not.

This was the type of episode that drives me crazy, in that all of the conflict could have been avoided by people not being stupid. It’s certainly not a good start to everyone’s second senior year at Manny High. Hopefully, things will get better in our next episode….

Episode 3.2 “Mr. Baseball”

(Directed by Frank Bonner, originally aired on September 11th, 1999)

After spending the previous two seasons as an unathletic goofball, Jamal is suddenly revealed to a star baseball player in this episode. In fact, Jamal is so good that he has never been struck out and there’s also a scout coming to the game to check him out. Of course, Jamal lets the fame go to his head. And, of course, Jamal strikes out with the scout watching. Jamal’s immediate reaction is to announce that he’s quitting baseball and then to get into a fight with a random Paul Rudd look-alike on the roof. Ms. Nobel, however, gives him a good talking to and Jamal decides to keep playing.

Meanwhile, it turns out that Chris and Jamal do still have their radio show but, with Jamal devoting all of his time to baseball, L-Train takes over as Chris’s co-host. While the whole radio station thing has never made much sense to me, I do have to give credit where credit is due. In the role of L-Train, Steven Daniel was often this show’s secret weapon and he shows it here, managing to get laughs from even the lamest of jokes. L-Train often got the worst lines but Daniel always delivered them with such sincerity that it was impossible not to smile.

Meanwhile, Dawn is upset that the Manny High’s mascot is a hunter. She wants to change the mascot to a big apple. Everyone laughs at her until she mentions that the Big Apple will always be accompanied by cheerleaders. Did the Manny High Hunter not have cheerleaders?

Anyway, this wasn’t a bad episode at all, even if it was all a bit predictable. Wesley Jonathan was not the most convincing athlete that I’ve ever seen but he did do a good job of portraying both Jamal’s anger and his shame after he struck out. Even Cassidy gets a decent storyline, one which sees her getting thrown out of the game for excessive trash talk. You go, Cassidy!

Maybe season 3 won’t be so bad after all….

(We’ll find out next week!)

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 1.13 “Too Hot to Handle / Family Reunion / Cinderella Story”

Posted on November 30, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

It’s Love!

Episode 1.13 “Too Hot to Handle / Family Reunion / Cinderella Story”

(Dir by James Sheldon and Richard Kinon, originally aired on January 7th, 1978)

It’s time for another cruise with three separate stories!

Newlyweds George (John Rubinstein) and Sally Allison (a youngish Kathy Bates) board the Pacific Princess, hoping to enjoy the ideal honeymoon. Instead, it turns out to be one disaster after another. Sally gets sunburned. George gets poison ivy. Having gotten off the boat in Mexico, Sally returns to discover a totally different couple staying in what she thinks is her cabin. Uh-oh. It turns out that Sally accidentally got on the Sun Princess and the Pacific Princess has already set sail without her! This was a pretty simple storyline and, if anything, it mostly seemed to exist so that the show’s writers could see how many bad things that they could do to one perfectly innocent couple. But John Rubinstein and Katy Bates are so likable as George and Sally that the story works. You can’t help but hope the cruise gets a little better for them. Kathy Bates was 29 when she appeared on The Love Boat and there’s nothing about her performance that would necessarily make you say, “Hey, that’s a future Oscar winner!” But still, both she and John Rubinstein do a good job with the material that they’ve been given.

Meanwhile, Tommy (Bob Crane) is a middle-aged man who has been hired to work as a steward on the ship. Captain Stubing takes an immediate dislike to the irresponsible, womanizing Tommy. When he discovers that Tommy has been drinking on the job, Stubing comes close to firing him. However, Tommy confesses that he’s drinking because he’s just discovered that the daughter who he abandoned years ago is on the cruise. Wendy (Dori Brenner) has always believed that her father died in a shipwreck and she hopes that Stubing might know something about the wreck. Seeking to help out Tommy, Stubing tells a lot of lies about Wendy’s “deceased” father but Tommy finally breaks down and confesses the truth. At first, Wendy rejects Tommy but, with the help of her understanding husband (Robert Hays), she eventually forgives her father.

This storyline hinges on a huge coincidence. What are the chances that Tommy and Wendy would just happen to end up on the same cruise together and that Tommy would be assigned to serve as Wendy’s steward? On top of that, what are the chances that Wendy would just happen to have a picture of her mother sitting out where Tommy could see it? It’s all fairly predictable but, if you’ve seen Auto Focus, it’s interesting to watch Crane’s performance here. This episode aired just a few months before Crane was murdered in Arizona and it’s easy to see the charismatic but irresponsible and self-destructive Tommy as being a reflection of who Bob Crane himself had reportedly become at the time of his death. Tommy is a character who lives with a lot of emotional pain and regret and Crane is so surprisingly effective in the role that it’s hard not to wonder if perhaps, on some level, he related to Tommy.

Finally, in the show’s final storyline, Bill Edwards (Bruce Solomon) is a supermarket manager who has booked a cruise with his wife, Doreen (Judy Luciano). When a wealthy advertising exec cancels his trip, Julie and Gopher decide to let Bill and Doreen stay in the man’s luxury cabin. This, of course, leads to Stubing mistaking Bill for the ad exec! Suddenly, Bill and Doreen are sitting at the captain’s table and competing for an advertising contract! Eventually, the truth comes out but business tycoon Greg Beatty (David White) is so impressed with Bill’s ideas that he arranges for Bill to get a job with an actual advertising company. Mad Men it’s not! However, it’s still a charming little story, largely due to the performances of Bruce Solomon and Judy Luciano.

If last week’s episode was a “lesser Love Boat,” this week’s episode show just how much fun The Love Boat could be. Yes, all of the stories are fairly predictable but the guest stars all perform their roles with a lot of energy. Bob Crane brings a poignant sense of regret to his performance as Tommy while Bruce Solomon and Judy Luciano are exactly the type of attrative couple that you would want to meet on a cruise. And, as I said already, it’s impossible not to like John Rubinstein and Kathy Bates as the newlyweds who just can’t catch a break. The regular cast is used sparingly but effectively in this episode. Fred Grandy gets a nice scene where he has to explain to John Rubinstein that Kathy Bates got on the wrong boat. Bernie Kopell plays Doc Bricker as being an agent of chaos. It’s a fun episode and what more can you ask for?

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 1.12 “King For A Day/Instant Family”

Posted on November 29, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Mr. Roarke proves himself to be the expert at granting fantasies and teaching lessons. One group of visitors deals with international diplomacy. The other group deals with taking care of children. It’s time for …. FANTASY ISLAND!

Episode 1.12 “King For A Day/Instant Family”

(Directed by George McGowan, originally aired on May 6th, 1978)

There are a lot fantasies in this episode.

For instance, Ernie Miller (David Doyle) is a plumber who wants to be treated like a king. When he arrives on Fantasy Island, he is informed that he is now the King of Carpathia and that he is married to Queen Auroroa (Diane Baker). What Ernie doesn’t realize is that there actually is a country called Carpathia and that he just happens to look exactly like the nation’s recently deceased king. It turns out that Aurora is not just an actress hired to pretend to be the Queen. Instead, she actually is the Queen! Aurora had a fantasy of her own. She wanted the king to come back to life so that he could prevent the country by being taken over by the sinister Ambassador Soro (Theodore Bikel).

Roarke combines their two fantasies into one. Ernie gets to become king, on the condition that he abandon his former life and identity. (That’s something that Ernie has no problem with and, quite frankly, actor David Doyle wasn’t exactly the most convincing plumber that I’ve ever seen. Some actors were just meant to play men who wore suits to the office and David Doyle was one of them.) Aurora gets her husband back, except of course it’s not actually her husband. It’s just someone who looks like him. But Aurora is cool with that. This is kind of a weird fantasy. One has to wonder what would have happened in Ambassador Soro had announced that his fantasy was to conquer Carpathia. WHAT THEN, MR. ROARKE!?

As for the other fantasy, it involves a woman named Gail Grayson (Melinda Naud), whose fantasy is to get a job working for the world’s number one expert on how to raise children. Gail, it turns out, has written a thesis about how housewives are unnecessary and how being a mother isn’t as difficult as everyone says. (It’s hard for me to imagine any woman actually writing something like that but whatever. We’ll just go with it.) Gail gets to put her thesis to the test when she discovers that she’s been hired to act as a babysitter! It turns out that the world’s number one expert on raising children has several unruly children of his own.

Accompanying Gail is her mother, Mildred Grayson (Jane Wyatt). It turns out that Mildred didn’t appreciate Gail’s thesis (and really, who can blame her?) and her fantasy is for Gail to discover firsthand just how difficult it is to take care of a house and several bratty children. Again, Mr. Roarke decided to combine everyone’s fantasies. Gail gets to work for her mentor and Jane gets to watch as Gail is humiliated by the children. Eventually, Mildred comes to feel guilty about wishing so much trouble on her own daughter but everything work out in the end. Gail gets her dream job and Mildred gets to say, “I told you so.”

Yay! Everything works out for everyone!

This is one of those episodes where you really have to wonder if Mr. Roarke actually had a plan or if he was just making it all up as he was going along. If Ernie hadn’t agreed to become the king in real life, Carpathia would have been conquered by the communists. If Gail hadn’t realized her thesis was wrong, one of the children could have died on the island. Sometimes, I just think that there are better ways to teach people a lesson than taking them to a mystical island that is ruled in a somewhat arbitrary manner by a friendly but occasionally condescending host. That said, I would totally go to Fantasy Island if it did exist. I imagine the same was true of the majority of the people who watched the show when it first aired.

After all, who doesn’t have a fantasy or two?

Retro Television Review: Hang Time 2.11 “Superman Brodis” and 2.12 “Green-Eyed Julie”

Posted on November 28, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Ugh. I can’t get the theme song out of my head.

Episode 2.11 “Superman Brodis”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 16th, 1996)

Teddy’s long-absent father retires from playing professional basketball and moves to Indiana so that he can be close to his son. Because “Superman” Brodis has spent the past 15 years playing across the country and in Europe, he’s been absent from most of Teddy’s life. At first, Teddy can’t stop talking about how excited he is to finally have his father in his life. However, Teddy’s father turns out to be kind of a jerk, constantly telling Teddy that he needs to lose weight and work harder. Teddy says that it doesn’t bother him but, as usual, Josh decides that it is his place to tell everyone else how to live their lives. Josh tells Teddy that he should be angry and soon, Teddy is angrily telling his father to stay out of his life.

(And don’t get me wrong. Teddy’s father deserved to be told off but it still really wasn’t Josh place to get involved.)

Meanwhile, because this season’s writers were incapable of writing the character as being anything other than self-centered and overdramatic, Julie will not shut up about having a toothache. Eventually, things work out on both fronts. Teddy and his father agree to try to build a relationship. Julie goes to Amy’s dentist and, after discovering that she will need a root canal, she blames Amy. Actually, Julie, maybe you should blame yourself for not brushing and flossing. Going to the dentist may be unpleasant but it’s still preferable to dying of blood poisoning.

This episode continues this season’s theme of Josh and Julie being the best players and the worst human beings on the team. While Julie whines and moans about having a toothache, Josh tells Teddy how he should feel about his father. That said, this episode also shows why Anthony Anderson went on to have a successful career after leaving Hang Time. He gives a touching and sincere performance here, especially in the episode’s final scene. There’s a lot of emotional honesty to be found in Anderson’s performance, which isn’t necessarily something that you would expect from an episode of Hang Time.

Episode 2.12 “Green-Eyed Julie”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 23rd, 1996)

Julie upset when she discovers that there’s a new waitress named Nicole at her favorite after-school hangout and, for once, it’s kind of understandable. Not only Nicole played by a pre-American Pie Shannon Elizabeth but Nicole obviously has a crush on Josh! Josh’s efforts to set Nicole up with Danny fail, largely because Danny is kind of a loser.

Eventually, it’s revealed that Chris Atwater (who was the first season’s version of Josh) cheated on Julie in between the first and second seasons and that’s why they broke up. It’s also why Julie is incapable of trusting anyone. It doesn’t help, of course, that Julie happens to see Nicole kissing Josh. Later, when she finds out that it was Nicole who made the first move and that Josh did not reciprocate, she tells Josh that he’s way better than Chris. I have to wonder how David Hanson, the actor who played Chris during season 1, felt about this episode.

Meanwhile, the school is throwing a disco party! Everyone dresses like they’re from the 70s and breaks out some disco moves. That was cute, silly, and fun and provided a nice (and needed) relief from all of the Julie drama.

Next week, season 2 ends! Will Deering made it into the playoffs? We’ll find out in December.

Retro Television Reviews: Sarah T — Portrait of a Teenage Alcoholic (dir by Richard Donner)

Posted on November 27, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1975’s Sarah T — Portrait of a Teenage Alcoholic. It can be viewed on YouTube!

In 1975, two years after shocking audiences in and receiving an Oscar nomination for The Exorcist, Linda Blair played Sarah Travis. Sarah is fourteen years old. She has a high IQ. She lives in a nice suburban home. She has an older sister named Nancy (Laurette Sprang) and she makes a good deal of money working as a babysitter. Sarah lives with her mother, Jean (Verna Bloom) and her stepfather, Matt (William Daniels). She misses her father, a chronically unemployed artist named Jerry (Larry Hagman). Jerry is the type who will complain about how no one is willing to give him a chance while he’s day drinking early in the morning. Jerry’s an alcoholic. That’s one of the many things that led to Jean divorcing him. (Matt is fairly regular drinker as well but it soon becomes apparent that he can handle his liquor in a way that Jerry cannot. Matt has a glass of Scotch after work. Jerry has his daughter by a slushy so he can pour his beer in the cup.) Jean is always quick to keep Sarah from drinking. When someone offers her a drink at a party, Jean replies that Sarah only drinks ginger ale.

Of course, the name of this movie is Sarah T. — Portrait of a Teenage Alcoholic so we already know that Jean is incorrect about that. When we first meet Sarah, she is fourteen and she’s been regularly drinking for two years. She’s even worked out a system where she gets liquor delivered to the house and then tells the deliveryman that her mother is in the shower but she left the money for the booze on the dining room table. Like many alcoholics, Sarah has become very good at tricking people and hiding her addiction. Of course, Sarah doesn’t think that she’s an alcoholic but …. well, again, just check out the title of the film.

When Sarah goes to a party with Ken (Mark Hamill, two years before Star Wars), the handsome captain of the school’s swim team, she ends up having too much to drink. Nice guy Ken not only takes her home but also takes the blame, telling Jean and Matt that he was the one who gave Sarah the alcohol. Jean, convinced that this is the first time that Sarah has ever gotten drunk, forbids her from spending any more time with Ken. In the morning, Jean comments that Sarah will probably have a terrible hangover and maybe that’s punishment enough. The joke, of course, is on Jean. Sarah doesn’t even get hangovers anymore.

Soon, Sarah’s grades start to slip and she starts to skip class so that she can drink. Still blaming Ken for all of Sarah’s problems, Jean finally takes Sarah to a psychologist, Dr. Kitteridge (Michael Lerner). Dr. Kitteridge announces that Sarah is an alcoholic and recommends that she start attending A.A. meetings. Sarah does go to one meeting, in which she meets a surprisingly cheerful 12 year-old alcoholic. However, Sarah still has a way to go and so does the movie. I mean, we haven’t even gotten to the scene where Sarah begs a group of older boys to give her the bottle of wine that they’re clumsily tossing in the air. By the end of the film, she’s even managed to hurt poor, loyal Ken.

Myself, I hardly ever drink. Some of that is because, like Sarah, I’m the daughter of an alcoholic and a child of divorce and I’ve seen firsthand how difficult it can be to live with an addiction. (My Dad has been sober for five years and I am so proud of him!) Of course, another reason why I hardly ever drink is because my tolerance for alcohol is amazingly low. I get drunk off one sip of beer. Long ago, I realized my life would be a lot easier and simpler if I just didn’t drink and so I don’t. Watching the film, I wondered if I was watching what my life would have been like if I had gone the opposite route. Would I have ended up like Sarah T?

Probably not. Sarah T is one of those films that was obviously made with the best of intentions but it just feels inauthentic. A lot of that is due to the performance of Linda Blair, who often seems to be overacting and trying too hard to give an “Emmy-worthy” performance. There’s not much depth to Blair’s performance and, as a result, the viewer never really buys into the story. At her worse, Blair brings to mind Jessie Spano shouting, “I’m so excited!” during that episode of Saved By The Bell. (Blair was far better served by B-movies like Savage Streets, in which she got to kick ass as a vigilante, than by films like this.) As well, the film’s portrayal of A.A. is so cheerful, upbeat, and positive that it almost felt like a Disney version of Intervention. Who are all of these happy addicts? I wondered as I watched the scene play out.

Because I’ve been a bit critical of his acting abilities in the past, I do feel the need to point out that Mark Hamill gives the best performance in this film. He plays Ken as being a genuinely decent human being and it’s hard not to sympathize with him as he gets in over his head trying to deal with Sarah. If Blair plays every emotion on the surface, Hamill suggests that there’s a lot going on with Ken. Deep down, he knows that he can’t help Sarah but he still feels like he has to try. Though Blair may be the star of the film, it’s Hamill who makes the biggest impression.

As a final note, this film was directed by Richard Donner, who is best-known for directing The Omen, Superman and Lethal Weapon. This was Donner’s final made-for-TV film before he moved into features. There’s nothing particularly special about Donner’s direction of Sarah T. If anything, the film’s pacing feels a bit off. Fortunately, just as Linda Blair would get to prove herself as one of the queens of exploitation cinema and Mark Hamill would go on to achieve immortality as Luke Skywalker, Donner would get plenty of opportunities to show himself to be one of Hollywood’s premier, big budget maestros.

As for Sarah T., I would recommend watching it on a double bill with Go Ask Alice.

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 2.13 “Schoolhouse Rock” and 2.14 “Save the Shark”

Posted on November 26, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing California Dreams, which ran on NBC from 1992 to 1996. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Surf dudes with attitude, kind of groovy….

Episode 2.13 “Schoolhouse Rock”

(Dir by Miguel Higuera, Originally aired on November 27th, 1993)

Sting is performing in California and it’s the hottest show in town! Unfortunately, because Sly is an idiot, he spent all of the Dreams’s money before he could buy tickets for the band. However, Sly has a chance to redeem himself! Sting’s opening act has had to cancel and Sly decides that the Dreams should audition for the gig….

*Sigh*

Would Sting really have such a hard time finding a new opening act that he would be forced to hire a garage band that no one outside of their high school has ever heard of? According to this episode, he would! All the band has to do is find a way to get into the office of Sting’s manager. And what better way to do that than for Tiffani to pretend to be a Swedish massage therapist while Tony and Jake pretend to be window washers and….

No, I’m not lying! That’s how they get in the office. Tiffani speaks in a Swedish accent while Tony and Jake slip through an open window. Sting’s manager is impressed with their moxie and he says he’ll give them an audition. The only catch is that it has to be at 3:00 pm and the Dreams cannot be a minute late.

Unfortunately, Ms. McBride, the insane home economics teacher, has been promoted to vice principal and she’s an insane disciplinarian. She’s a former Marine who will not tolerate laughter or a messy locker. Tiffani and Jake end up in detention! Can they break out of detention and make the audition? Will Sly be able to trick to the manager into coming down to the the high school so the band can perform in the gym? And will the show end with the manager praising the band but saying that Elton John has already agreed to be Sting’s opening act?

Yes, yes, and yes.

This was a dumb episode that basically recycled an old Saved By The Bell plot but, at the same time, it’s also a good example of why California Dreams is so well-remembered after all these years. Yes, it’s dumb but the cast really gives it their all and they’ve got enough chemistry that they can get a chuckle from even the lamest of jokes. Ms. McBride is a cartoonish villain but then again, that’s the way most teenagers view their vice principals. Finally, the song that the Dreams perform at the audition is actually pretty good. For once, their music has a bit of an edge to it. The Dreams are rocking instead of just popping! (Don’t ask me what that means, it just came to me and I liked the sound of it.) Add in an enjoyably weird subplot about clog dancing and you’ve got an pretty entertaining episode of California Dreams!

Episode 2.14 “Save The Shark”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, Originally aired on December 4th, 1993)

Sharky’s, the band’s favorite hangout, has been sold! Tony is the new manager! The Dreams are playing every night! Matt is dating the new owner’s daughter. However, the new owner is a land developer who is planning on tearing down Sharky’s and replacing it with condos!

Whatever is the band to do? How about staging a protest? Maybe they can occupy Sharky’s! They can’t tear the place down if the Dreams are inside of it, right? Well, maybe not. Tony’s presence doesn’t seem to be stopping that wrecking ball.

Fortunately, Matt figures out that Johnny and the Himalayas, a band that he loves, got their start at Sharky’s and, as result, Sharky’s is declared a historical landmark. Take that, land developer! The land developer not only agrees to not tear down Sharky’s but he also allows his daughter to continue to date Matt. His daughter was a terrible actress so hopefully, this was the only appearance of her character.

The episode ends with the ghost of Johnny Himalaya appearing and congratulating Matt. Matt is surprised but happy. Personally, I would be worried about the fact that Sharky’s is haunted! What have you done, Matt!?

Like the episode that preceded it, Save The Shark was dumb but it was saved by the chemistry of the cast. It took them a while but, towards the end of the second season, the Dreams ensemble really stared to click.

Next week: Jake hooks up with an undercover cop!

Retro Television Review: One World 2.12 “A Cheating Heart” and 2.13 “Coming of Age”

Posted on November 25, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing One World, which ran on NBC from 1998 to 2001. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

The Cast of One World

This week, the second season of One World comes to an end! Will we all still be living in one world once it’s over?

Episode 2.12 “A Cheating Heart”

(Directed by Mary Lou Belli, originally aired on December 4th, 1999)

Finally, Sui gets a storyline!

When Marci sets up a charity date auction at Miami’s “hottest under-21 club,” The Warehouse, Sui is purchased by a guy named Scott (Jason Strickland) and …. ugh, this is cringey already. Anyway, Scott turns out to be kind of dorky and Sui doesn’t really want to date him but Scott decides that he’s totally in love with her and insists that she is actually in love with him too. Scott even befriends Dave so that he can hang out in the Blake House with Sui. Needless to say, Scott’s behavior is stalkerish and more than a little disturbing but the show plays it for laughs. Ugh, poor Sui.

Meanwhile, Ben is purchased by a woman with whom he has little in common and Cray is purchased by an old woman who needs him to do some yard work. Wait a minute …. the Warehouse had an auction in which they sold someone to do manual labor for free? This is seriously icky.

Meanwhile, Jane has suddenly decided that she wants to go to college but, after 12 years of goofing off, she knows that there is no way she’s going to do well on the SAT. Since St. Neal is a genius, he tries to tutor her. Jane suggests just cheating instead but Neal is like, “No! Cheating is wrong!” (He may be right but, on the other hand, cheating is the only way I passed Algebra.) However, when they take the test, Neal realizes that Jane is struggling and he allows her to copy his answers. Good for you, Neal! Your sister deserves a future.

Uh-oh! The SAT proctor noticed what they were doing and, as a result, their tests are thrown out and they’re both told that they will never be allowed to retake the SAT. Jane confesses to cheating but lies and says that Neal had nothing to do with it. Neal announces that he will not lie and will instead accept his punishment. St. Neal says that he’s not going to give up on getting into college, even if it’s going to take him longer now. St. Neal also asks to be allowed to see what his score would have been.

“What did we get!?” Jane asks him.

Neal replies, “Let’s just say that mom and dad would have been very proud of us …. IF WE HADN’T CHEATED!”

And that’s how the episode ends! Seriously, what a dark world!

Anyway, my main impression of this episode is that Neal is a complete chump. After spending two seasons working hard and trying to make something of himself and talking about how important it was to him to go to an Ivy League college, Neal threw it all away for someone who probably would have ended up dropping out of college anyways. Call me a cynic but I doubt this sort of thing would happen in real life.

Episode 2.13 “Coming of Age”

(Directed by Mary Lou Belli, originally aired on January 1st, 2000)

According to the imdb trivia page, this episode was originally supposed to air on September 25, 1999 but it was pushed back to January 1st. I guess that’s why no one mentions the fact that both Jane and Neal have thrown away their futures. This also means that, originally, the plan for the second season of One World was for it to end with Neal and Jane getting busted for cheating. That would have been an incredibly depressing way to end the season.

The delayed air date explains why, in this episode, Cray is noticeably shorter than he was in the previous episode, his voice is noticeably higher, and his hair is a lot longer. In fact, the episode opens with Cray’s birthday party and Cray announcing that he is now a teenager and he’s ready to start dating. Jane and Ben give Cray a lot of silly dating advice. It’s dumb. Maybe if Ben and Jane had done a better job, Cray wouldn’t have gotten caught up with that crazy marijuana girl.

Meanwhile, Karen gets a job as a waitress at the Warehouse and the kids are forced to finally appreciate everything that she does for them. It took two seasons but Karen finally gets to call out all of her spoiled adoptive children. Good for her!

Anyway, this was an episode that in no way felt appropriate for a season finale. Regardless, season two is over! Next week, we start the third and final season of One World.

Retro Television Review: City Guys 2.13 “Saving Private Johnson” and 2.14 “A Gift of Friendship”

Posted on November 24, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today, the 2nd season of City Guys come to an end with L-Train considering his future and Al considering the true meaning of friendship. Let’s get to it!

Episode 2.13 “Saving Private Johnson”

(Directed by Frank Bonner, originally aired on December 5th, 1998)

It’s career day at Manny High! Dawn wants to be a doctor. Al wants to be a stockbroker. L-Train wants …. well, L-Train doesn’t know what he wants. In fact, he’s so upset at his bad midterm grades that he decides that he’s going to drop out of school and join the Marines! Ms. Nobel is stunned and says that she feels like she failed with L-Train. L-Train tells her it’s not her fault. Ms. Nobel wishes him luck and she also wishes for peace….

It’s interesting to watch this episode today because we know what the future would have held for L-Train if he had joined the Marines. L-Train would have eventually ended up in either Afghanistan or Iraq. From that perspective, this storyline feels a bit different in 2022 than it probably did in 1998. Of course, L-Train doesn’t end up joining the Marines. He’s not allowed to join because the Marines discover that he’s dyslexic. L-Train returns to school, confident that he will now be able to get good grades and go to a good college.

This is one of those “very special episodes” that shouldn’t work but it does. This largely due to the performance of Steven Daniel, who bring just the right hint of melancholy to the scene in which he tells Nobel that he’s dropping out of school. L-Train was often a one-joke character but Steven Daniel always played him as being someone who was secretly far more intelligent than even he realized. Daniel took the role seriously, even if the show’s writers often didn’t. Steven Daniel was often this show’s secret weapon and this episode shows why.

Episode 2.14 “A Gift Of Friendship”

(Directed by Frank Bonner, originally aired on December 12th, 1998)

It’s the Christmas season and Dawn and Cassidy are in charge of the canned food drive. Ms. Nobel is proud of them but, unfortunately, some of the students aren’t as concerned about helping out as Ms. Nobel believes they should be.

For instance, Chris, Jamal, and L-Train are all excited because Chris’s uncle has a place in Florida and he’s willing to let them use it during the Christmas break. They just have to pay their own way to Florida and that won’t be difficult. Chris has a rich father. Jamal has a middle-class father. L-Train gets a job walking dogs. However, by going on vacation, they won’t be around to help “feed the poor.” Ms. Nobel tells them that she’s very disappointed in them. Considering that 1) it’s their Christmas break and they can do whatever they want with it and 2) none of what they’re planning has anything to do with the school, I have to kind of wonder just how exactly it is any of Ms. Nobel’s business.

Meanwhile, Al hasn’t even donated any food! Al keeps saying that he’ll bring some food “tomorrow” but, unfortunately, Al can barely afford to feed himself. Al’s father has been laid off and Al is planning on dropping out of school so that he can take on a full time job so that he can help support the family. Ms. Nobel is not happy to hear this and that’s not really a shock. I mean, first L-Train tried to drop out and now Al! Plus, Chris and Jamal would rather spend their break on Florida beach than getting mugged in New York City! Ms. Nobel has failed them all!

Anyway, it all ends on a good note. After Jamal reveals that Al’s family is struggling, Everyone goes to Al’s apartment and they give him and his family food. Ms. Nobel dressed up as Santa Claus and announces that there is a janitorial job at the school for Al’s father. Al realizes that there’s nothing wrong with accepting help. It’s not a bad message for Thanksgiving and Christmas, though I did have to wonder just how exactly Ms. Nobel could just magically give someone a job. I mean, seeing as how Mr. Ramos is going to be working at a school, it seems like he would have to at least pass a background check before he was hired. Also, does Ms. Nobel offer a job to all of the out-of-work parents who have children enrolled at her school or is she just making an exception for Al? Indeed, for all the time that the students spend singing her praises, Ms. Nobel really only seems to care about L-Train and Al.

Obviously, this episode presented me with a lot of unanswered questions. But it also ended with everyone gathered in front of a Christmas tree and singing Silent Night and that was a nice moment. It appealed to my sentimental side. That said, I do hope that Chris, Jamal, and L-Train still went down to Florida because, seriously, they had nothing to feel guilty about!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 1.12 “The Old Man and the Runaway / The Painters / A Fine Romance”

Posted on November 23, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome aboard! We’re expecting you.

Episode 1.12 “The Old Man and the Runaway / The Painters / A Fine Romance”

(Directed by Stuart Margolin and James Sheldon, originally aired on December 24th, 1977)

Hey, this episode of The Love Boat aired on Christmas Eve! Oddly enough, unlike last week’s episode, it was not a holiday-themed episode. You really do have to wonder if there was some sort of scheduling snafu at ABC and perhaps the episodes were shown out-of-order. Then again, it could be that ABC realized that everyone would be busy getting ready for Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve so they decided to burn off a lesser episode while no one was watching.

(Doesn’t everyone spend Christmas Eve getting ready for Midnight Mass while their aunt tells them to dress more like the Virgin and less like the Magdalene? Or was that just my experience?)

Yes, this is a lesser episode of The Love Boat. It’s not a terrible episode but, at the same time, it’s not all the memorable. A big problem is that there’s not really much romance on this cruise. The show was called The Love Boat for a reason and, when there’s no love, it just doesn’t feel right.

For instance, one subplot dealt with two incompetent painters (played by Arte Johnson and Pat Morita) painting the captain’s office during the cruise. They kept screwing up the job, which led to Captain Stubing getting progressively more and more annoyed. From the start, I guessed that the punchline would be that the painters were screwing up on purpose so that they could stay on the boat and get a free cruise and …. yep, that’s exactly what it was. Johnson and Morita were a good comedy team but the story itself felt like filler.

Meanwhile, a grumpy old widower (Will Geer) discovered that he was sharing his cabin with a teenage runaway (Bayn Johnson), who had stowed away on the ship and who was planning on meeting up with her boyfriend in Mexico. Once he got over complaining about her being young and irresponsible, Geer convinced her to return to her parents. Again, it wasn’t terrible and Bayn Johnson did a good job of keeping her character from getting annoying but it felt a bit out of place on The Love Boat. Obviously, the 75 year-old man and the 16 year-old runaway weren’t going to fall in love and leave the ship arm-in-arm while the crew smiled knowingly. Instead, this was a typical generation gap story. The most interesting thing about this story is that this was the second time that a runaway managed to stowaway on the Love Boat. Does that boat not have a security team? Don’t you actually have to show your tickets to board the boat? How does these people keep sneaking aboard?

Finally, the third storyline felt a bit more like a Love Boat story. Cruise director Julie (Lauren Tewes) is super-excited when she sees that Sean McGlynn (Anson Williams) is a passenger on the cruise. Julie and Sean grew up together and Julie always had a crush on him. At first, Julie and Sean have fun hanging out but, whenever Julie tries to flirt, Sean panics and runs off. Julie worries that there’s something wrong with her (oh, Julie!) but …. nope, Sean’s a priest. Apparently, he was having a crisis of faith when he boarded the boat, which is why he didn’t tell anyone he was a priest. But, when his roommate (Tom Poston) has a heart attack, Sean delivers the last rites and his faith is restored. (Don’t worry. His roommate survives and has a surprisingly quick recovery. Doc Bricker is a miracle worker!) Anyway, Sean leaves the boat wearing his collar and Julie stays on the boat, no doubt waiting for someone else from her past to buy a ticket. It’s a bit of a shame, as Lauren Tewes and Anson Williams did make a cute couple. Then again, we all know that Julie and Gopher belong together.

Like I said, this was not a terrible episode. It just wasn’t particularly memorable. It needed just a bit more romance. After all, love is life’s sweetest reward.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 1.11 “Reunion/Anniversary”

Posted on November 22, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Fantasy Island is all about confronting the mistakes of the past.

Episode 1.11 “Reunion/Anniversary”

(Dir by Allen Baron and John Newland, originally aired on April 29th, 1978)

Before I talk about the two fantasies in this episode, here’s a bit of trivia. This episode was originally intended to be the first episode of the series. That perhaps explains why it has a tone that is more similar to the original TV movie than to the more light-hearted episodes that followed. Just as in the made-for-TV movie, Mr. Roarke is a bit of an enigma in this episode, one who has little trouble manipulating his guests in order to get the results that he wants. This episode even ends with Tattoo saying, “Thank God,” and Mr. Roarke replying with a mysterious half-smile. Roarke isn’t quite as sinister as he was in the TV movie but he’s also not quite the cheery host that he would become in later episodes. Roarke, at one point, also mentions that he has people who research everyone’s fantasy before choosing whether to grant it. That’s certainly different from later episodes, in which the fantasies are apparently available to anyone who can pay or who has been lucky enough to win Roarke’s sympathy.

Of course, when it came time to air the first season of Fantasy Island, this episode got pushed back and it aired as the eleventh episode. As a result, it presents a bit of a change-of-pace from the episodes that aired the weeks before. One can only imagine how someone who decided to start watching the show because of the fantasy where Don Knotts played a private eye reacted to this episode, in which four guests were stalked by a murderer who wore giallo-style black gloves.

The guests being stalked by the murderer are Agnes (Pamela Franklin), Hannah (Hilarie Thompson), Carol (Michele Lee), and Jill (Sue Loyon). They are all members of the Honeybees, a group of former high school cheerleaders who are having a ten-year reunion. Their fantasy is to spend the weekend at a recreation of the Beehive, a cabin where they used to hang out while in high school. Of course, every one of them has a dark secret and, after one of the Honeybees is apparently blown up in a nearby barn, the three remaining Honeybees have to solve the mystery. It all gets fairly dark and sordid but, fear not! Mr. Roarke shows up and even takes part in some hand-to-hand combat before revealing the truth about what is going on at the Beehive.

(Again, this is not something that we would normally expect from Mr. Roarke.)

Meanwhile, troubled couple Toni (Lucie Arnaz) and Tom Elgin (Ronny Cox, looking slightly embarrassed) come to the island for their anniversary! Toni wants to relive the weekend that they got married, when they were still happy and before Tom became a drunk. All of their old friends are invited to the island and soon, Tom is flirting with another woman while Toni is flirting with another man. Mr. Roarke even invites Rev. Allen (Stuart Nisbet), the man who performed the original wedding ceremony. The reverend explains that, due to a mix-up at the licensing office, he wasn’t actually legally allowed to perform marriages when Toni and Tom get married so it turns out that Tom and Toni have been living in sin all this time! Now, Tom and Toni have to decide whether to get married for real or to go their separate ways.

I vote for separate ways, just because they really do seem to be miserable together. However, it turns out that Mr. Roarke has a plan to keep this awful couple together.

The decision to move this episode from the start of the season to the latter half was definitely a good one. It was probably a bit too dark and dramatic to really work as the premiere episode but, as the 11th episode, it provides a nice change-of-pace. After several comedic and somewhat shallow episodes, this episode emphasizes the dramatic side of Fantasy Island. In this episode, the ultimate lesson appears to be that fantasies are fun but that it’s far more important to deal with the real world. In other words, Fantasy Island is a nice place to visit but only Mr. Roarke and Tattoo should live there.