Retro Television Review: The Brady Bunch Hour 1.1 “The Brady Bunch Variety Hour”

Posted on January 20, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing The Brady Bunch Hour, which ran on ABC from 1976 to 1977. All nine episodes can be found on YouTube!

The year was 1976 and cocaine was very popular.

Well, seriously, how else do you explain the existence of The Brady Bunch Hour? Produced by Sid and Marty Kroft, The Brady Bunch Hour imagined a world in which the Bradys got their own variety show. Now, this could have made sense if the show had been hosted by “the stars of the Brady Bunch” but instead, in this show, Mike Brady specifically abandoned his job as an architect so he and the family could move to Hollywood and star on a variety show.

Almost all of the Bradys returned to do the show. Eve Plumb balked at signing a five-year contract and, as a result, Geri Reischl was cast as Jan Brady. Barry Williams, who was starring on Broadway in Pippin, returned to play Greg “Music is My Life” Brady. Maureen “Marcia” McCormick was also excited to get a chance to dance and sing. Susan “Cindy” Olsen was excited over the prospect of appearing in skits. (She was told that the skits would be SNL-style skits.) Both Christopher “Peter” Knight and Mike “Bobby” Lookinland were aware of their own musical limitations. Knight eventually agreed to return when he was told that he wouldn’t have to do much dancing or singing. Lookinland tried to get out of appearing in the show by demanding a lot of money. To his surprise, the producers not only paid him what he asked for but his demands led to everyone else getting a bigger paycheck as well. Ann B. Davis had left acting to work for a church but she appeared on the show as a “guest star.” Florence Henderson, who had the most singing and dancing experience of anyone in the original cast, was not enthusiastic about The Brady Bunch Hour but she agreed to give it a shot for the fans and the kids.

Actually, the most enthusiastic member of the cast was Robert Reed. Reed, who rarely had a good word to say about his time on The Brady Bunch (though he did get along with the rest of the cast), was surprisingly enthusiastic about getting to dance and sing despite not being very good at either one of those things. Alone amongst the cast, he reportedly never lost his enthusiasm for the Brady Bunch Hour.

But enough background! Let’s take a look at this bizarre, only in the 70s type show!

Episode 1.1 “The Brady Bunch Variety Hour”

(Dir by Art Fisher, originally aired on November 28th, 1976)

We open with a line of dancers doing kicks in a front of a swimming pool. On the screen behind the dancers, the faces of the Brady Bunch are projected. We immediately notice that Jan is now played by Geri Reischl and she’s the only one of the kids who appears to be sincerely happy to be there. While the other members of the Bunch are obviously struggling to smile, Fake Jan can’t wait to get out on stage and perform. And she quickly gets that opportunity when the family comes out to perform Baby Face. While the Bunch sings an off-key rendition of the song, the dancers dive into the pool. The audience goes crazy as the announcer says, “Ladies and gentleman, the Brady Bunch!”

This performance only lasts for two minutes but it’s hard not to notice that all of the members of the Bunch appear to be totally exhausted by the time it’s over. Robert Reed especially looks like he’s on the verge of fainting.

With the performance over, the Bradys argue over who will be the first to speak. Carol reveals that the Bradys are each assigned a number, like at the DMV, and the Bradys are now serving “Number 27!” “Who has number 27!?” Mike demands. “Mike, check your number,” Carol says. Yes, you guessed it! Mike is 27 and he explains that he’s an architect but his family is forcing him to star on a variety show. “I didn’t want to do this,” Mike tells us. “We’re all very excited!” Carol shouts.

(Again. in real life, Robert Reed was the only member of the Bunch who wanted to do the show, despite the fact that he could neither dance or sing.)

Carol introduces the members of the Bunch. Greg says music is his life. The audience goes crazy for Marcia. Peter flirts with dancer. Jan complains, though the naturally cheerful Geri Reischl is a bit less convincing when it comes to playing bitter as Eve Plumb was. Bobby announces that he grew 2 and a half inches this year. Cindy announces she grew 3 inches. Carol explains that Mike is the first architect to have his own variety show. Maybe there’s a reason why architects are not typically given this opportunity.

Suddenly, everyone starts singing Baby Face again. Mike falls in the pool. The audience loves it.

After a commercial break, we find the Bradys (sans Mike) at the family’s new Hollywood home. The kids agree that Mike has to be dumped from the show because, as Greg puts it, “he’s not very good.” Carol tells them that Mike is their father and that he will always be a part of the act. Carol points out that Mike doesn’t enjoy wearing tights and that he’s only doing the show for his ungrateful children. Carol has a point. These kids suck.

The doorbell rings and Tony Randall, looking like he’s already realizes this is a mistake, steps into the living room. He says that he needs a script. Bobby calls him “Tony.” Randall replies, “You can call me Mr. Randall.” Bobby suggests that Tony Randall could be the family’s new father. Mike comes down the stairs, just in time to hear his family begging Tony Randall to become their new father. AWKWARD! Anyway, Tony refuses to steal Mike’s role. To me, it seems like the kid owe Mike an apology but he doesn’t get one. However, everyone does eventually agree that they love him. Then Bobby suggests Burt Reynolds could be their father.

We then cut to the Brady Bunch performing One from A Chorus Line. Mike takes center stage for this performance, wearing a glittery white suit and a hat. The viewer gets the feeling that this was all done to show that Robert Reed really could perform and dance but it has the opposite effect for both him and the entire family.

At the Brady Bunch home, Greg plays his guitar. Marcia comes in and wonders if Mike and Carol were ever young. This leads to a flashback to the 1950s, with young Mike and his gang (played by the Brady boys) hanging out at the roller rink and hitting on four girls, played by Carol and the Brady Daughters.

Now, you may think that things couldn’t possibly get worse than the Brady Bunch paying tribute to Grease. (Actually, Grease wouldn’t come out for another two years so I’m not really sure what the point of this skit was.) Well, it does get worse because Donnie and Marie Osmond roll up on a motorcycle and everyone sings Splish Splash. It’s not so much that the Bradys (with the exception of Fake Jan and Florence Henderson) can’t dance or sing. It’s that the audience applauds every little thing that they do, in much the same way that parents give out pity applause at a talent show at an elementary school.

Once the flashbacks ends, Greg welcomes the audience to the second half of the show. Peter pushes Greg into the pool. Greg grabs Peter and throws him in the pool. The audience loves it but, judging from the way their bodies hit the water, it’s obvious that neither Greg nor Peter were trained stuntmen and they were both risking injury for a joke that wasn’t really that funny. Oh well, no matter! It’s time for the show’s dancer to put on clown makeup and do an aquatic dance number.

Cut to the Brady Bunch’s Hollywood home, where Mike is playing Risk with the kids and bitching about how he “always lands on Yugoslavia.” You know, I felt bad for Mike when the kids were trying to replace him with Tony Randall but now I see that the kids had a point and that Mike is always whining about something.

Meanwhile, Marcia is talking on the landline about how much she loved The Boy In The Plastic Bubble. “Barbarino in a bubble!” Excuse me, Marcia …. his name is Travolta!

Continuing to play the game, Mike announces, “I just landed on East Germany and your mother already owns it!” “With three hotels,” Carol says. Uhmmm …. okay, are we playing Risk or Monopoly? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?

Peter, meanwhile, call his girlfriend and breaks their date because “My Dad is being held prisoner in East Germany.” It turns out that Peter is interested in another girl, which leads to Mike and Carol reprimanding him and teaching him an important lesson about honesty. This skit goes on forever. It’s almost bad enough to make me wish for another musical number….

Be careful what you wish for because this skit is followed by Cindy and Bobby introducing “our big brother,” and saying that they think he’s very talented. As if to specifically humiliate them, Greg comes out on stage and oversings Corner of the Sky. (Corner of the Sky comes from Pippin, a show that Greg left so that he could co-star on the Brady Bunch Hour.) Perhaps the most interesting thing about this sequence is that Bobby and Cindy both appear to have joined a cult.

This is followed by a skit in which a disgruntled Mike and Bobby show up on stage dressed as a rabbit and a chicken. They are soon joined by Greg, who is dressed as a bear, and Tony Randall, who is dressed as himself. Tony announces that he’s going to sing a song about animals but he doesn’t want any of the Bradys to be involved. (Considering that he was the show’s “special guest star,” it’s interesting that Tony Randall only appears twice on the show and, both times, he makes it clear that he holds the Brady Bunch in complete and utter disdain.)

After Tony does his song, Alice the Maid (Anne B. Davis) appears and says that she watched the Bradys grow up. This leads to a montage of old Brady Bunch clips and Florence Henderson singing The Way We Were and, believe it or not, it actually works. For once thing, Florence Henderson could actually sing and The Way We Were is exactly the right song for her performance style. I mean, make no mistake. It’s silly and schmaltzy but it’s also kind of touching.

Finally, it’s time for the big finale! The Bradys are on stage, dressed in white, but they can’t decide what medley they want to perform. Greg wants to do music from “that Rocky Horror show!” “This is a family show!” Mike yells. Carol suggests something from The Sound of Music. The kids don’t want to do old stuff. “We’re young and we want to do young music,” Marcia says. Alice runs on to the stage and tells them to just sing something.

Greg takes her words to heart and performs Attitude Dancing, while wearing an outfit that makes it look like he’s about to jump a motorcycle over a line of school buses.

Mike and Carol sing Cheek to Cheek and then the kids sing Dance With Me. Carol responds by singing I Could Have Danced All Night, which is another good song for her. Unfortunately, the kids start to sing Do The Hustle and eventually segue into Shake Your Booty. All the Bradys dance, including an embarrassed-looking Alice. Fake Jan gets a solo and proves that, unlike the other Brady kids, she actually has a pretty good voice.

In the final comments, Carol thanks the audience. “Without you, there would be Brady Bunch,” she says. “I think I had something to do with it,” Mike says, which …. I mean, I know it’s awkward to point this out but Mike can really only take credit for half of the kids. So, really, Mike didn’t have much to do with it beyond the fact that he quickly moved on from his first wife’s death. (Or is Mike the one who got divorced? I can never keep track of who was divorced and who was widowed.)

Anyway, on that cheery note, the show ends.

Wow, that was exhausting. My main impression of the pilot of The Brady Bunch Hour is that it wasn’t good but it was impossible to look away. It was fun to watch but I can already tell that the show’s corny humor and badly-choreographed musical numbers are going to get tiresome pretty quickly. Fortunately, this thing only ran for 9 episodes so this is only going to cost me nine weeks of my life. Yay!

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 3.15 “Funny Business” and 3.16 “Get Your Vote On”

Posted on January 19, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Hello Manny High! When last we checked in with the City Guys, they were starring on a reality show. Let’s see what happens this week….

Episode 3.15 “Funny Business”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 6th, 1999)

Oh hey, I guess the whole reality show thing is over. In this episode, there’s no mention of Reality House or the Loft. There’s no cameramen chasing Jamal and Chris. In fact, no one mentions anything about ever having appeared on reality television. I guess this is one of those things, like the video yearbook, where they’ll explain what actually happened two seasons from now.

In this episode, Rebecca (Lisa Pepper), a Manny High graduate, returns to her former school so that she can offer three internships at her architectural firm. Of course, Dawn volunteers. And then Ms. Nobel randomly draws two names out of a bag for the other two spots and, of course, she draws Chris and Jamal! I have a feeling that every piece of paper in that bag had either Chris or Jamal’s name written on it.

Chris really enjoys the internship until Rebecca orders him to be her love slave. After Chris says that’s not appropriate workplace behavior, Rebecca threatens to flunk him unless he become her boy toy. Chris, Jamal, and Dawn secretly record Rebecca threatening Chris and Rebecca gets fired.

Every show produced by Peter Engel did at least one episode dealing with sexual harassment but I think City Guys was the only one to feature a guy being harassed by a woman. The episode is a bit heavy-handed and, over the past two and a half seasons, Chris has basically tried to get in the pants of every woman that he’s met so it seems like a little out-of-character that he would turn down the first woman who has actually shown any interest in him. I mean, if we’re going to be honest, Chris is a serial harasser who apparently can’t handle having the tables turned on him. This episode says more about Chris than it does Rebecca.

Episode 3.16 “Get Your Vote On”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 13th, 1999)

Chris has two tickets to the Taxi, Taxi, “the hottest Broadway show.” Both Cassidy and Dawn volunteer to be his date.

“Two girls, one ticket,” Al says, “you in trouble!”

Well, Al, let’s think about it. First off, Chris has been trying to date Cassidy since this season began and now, she’s begging to go on a date with him. Plus, Al — YOU’RE DATING DAWN! Remember that!? I’m going to guess this episode was actually filmed before the episode in which Al and Dawn got together and NBC, as they often did, showed the episodes out of order. As I’ve said before and will probably say again …. NBC just didn’t care.

The Broadway thing is only the B-plot. The A-plot features L-Train running for reelection as Student Council president. Jamal decides to run against him because he feels that L-Train hasn’t done enough for the radio station.

While Jamal campaigns for the presidency, Dawn and Cassidy beg Chris to pick one of them to take to the Broadway show. “You in a player’s paradise!” Al tells Chris before reminding him that Chris has all the power over Dawn and Cassidy. Al …. DAWN IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND, YOU WEIRDO!

As for the election, Jamal makes a lot of promises that he can’t keep and is elected over L-Train. After Ms. Nobel informs him that the student council has no money and he’ll have to hold a fund raiser to keep all of his promises, Jamal decides to have a carnival on the roof of the school. I have to admit that I’m kind of amazed at how strong that roof is. I mean, they do everything on that roof!

For some reason, Jamal decides to bring a pig to the carnival. L-Train, looking for revenge, plots to set the pig on the loose but, after Jamal offers to make him vice president, L-Train abandons his evil plan. Unfortunately, the pig is already on the loose. (There’s something I never thought I’d write.) The carnival is a disaster.

“Jamal must go!” the students chant, until L-Train explains that he’s responsible for the pig getting loose.

While this is going on, Cassidy and Dawn get revenge on Al and Chris by having Cassidy’s uncle pretend to be a cop in the anti-scalping division. After Chris tries to sell the tickets, the fake cop arrests Chris and Al and orders them to hand the tickets over to Cassidy and Dawn. Ha! Take that, Chris and Al!

Jamal and L-Train make up and then Jamal resigns so L-Train can become president again. So, everything’s back to normal. Yay!

This episode wasn’t that bad, if you can overlook the plot. Steven Daniel had some good moments as L-Train. And the pig getting loose on the roof was a genuinely well-done moment. Plus, Dawn and Cassidy got to see Taxi Taxi!

Next week …. well, who knows? I’m sure it’ll be crazy whatever it is.

Retro Television Review: Love Boat 1.21 “Taking Sides/Going By The Book/A Friendly Little Game”

Posted on January 18, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

It’s time to once again experience the magic of The Love Boat!

Episode 1.21 “Taking Sides/Going By The Book/A Friendly Little Game”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on February 18th, 1978)

This week’s episode begins with the extremely nerdy Howard Wilson (Harvey Jason) preparing to board the ship. Before he does so, he’s approached by his best friend, Bernie (Paul Sylvan). Bernie gives Howard a book on how to talk to women. Apparently, this is something that Howard’s not good at but Bernie swears that the book will change his life. There’s a Roy Lichtenstein-style picture of a man and a woman kissing on the cover of the book so Howard decides that Bernie knows what he’s talking about.

On the boat, Howard immediately notices Sheila Lawrence (Georgia Engel). However, Sheila’s overprotective father (Herb Voland) has specifically asked Captain Stubing to make sure that no one seduces his daughter. The captain assigns Doc Bricker (Bernie Kopell) to keep an eye on her, which makes absolutely no sense. Over the course of the last twenty episodes, Doc has yet to meet a woman who he has not hit on. Doc is a walking HR nightmare and quite frankly, I would be kind of uncomfortable going to him for a medical examination. He seems like he would be a little bit handsy, if you get my drift.

Anyway, Doc turns out to be pretty bad at his job because Howard still manages to hit on Sheila. Of course, Howard’s just doing what the book tells him to do. Eventually, though, he realizes that he doesn’t need the book and Shelia realizes that she needs to spend more time on her own happiness and stop worry about what her father wants. Yay! It’s another Love Boat success story,

Meanwhile, Scott (Robert Urich) and Ellen (Diana Canova) are newlyweds who seem to be totally in love until they make the mistake of having dinner with an old married couple, Max (Robert Mandan) and Gladys (Audrey Meadows). Listening to Max and Gladys bicker soon leads to Scott and Ellen bickering and it looks like their marriage might be over. But again, the magic of The Love Boat leads to everyone realizing that bickering is a part of marriage and that you can still love someone even if you disagree with them. Yay! Robert Urich and Diana Canova were such a cute couple. They just looked like they belonged together.

Finally, poor old Wendell Snead (Harry Morgan) is taking his wife on a cruise that he can’t really afford. In fact, he secretly took out a mortgage on their house in order to buy the tickets. Wendell has plan, though! He has a set of marked playing cards and he beats Gopher at several games of gin rummy. When the crew discovers that he’s been cheating, their initial reaction is to cheat back. But when they learn why he’s been cheating, they give him all the money from the ship’s emergency fund. Awwwwww!

This was a sweet episode. Yes, the stuff with the book and the overprotective father was pretty stupid but the other two stories were entertaining. Harry Morgan’s melancholy performance was the episode’s stand-out. The fact that the crew gave him money instead of calling the cops brought tears to my mismatched eyes. Nicely done, Love Boat.

What will happen next week? We’ll find out in seven days!

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 2.5 “I Want To Get Married/The Jewel Thief”

Posted on January 17, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

We learn a little bit more about Fantasy Island in this week’s episode. It’s a strange place!

Episode 2.5 “I Want To Get Married/The Jewel Thief”

(Dir by George McGowan, originally aired on October 21st, 1978)

You know what the best thing about Fantasy Island is?

The Disco Dancing!

Cindy Barker (Meredith McRae) is a big fan of the disco dancing. That’s because her fantasy is to come to the island and meet the man that she’s going to marry. In fact, she wants to marry the guy at the end of the weekend and she’s already spent $20,000 to reserve the island for her wedding. (Tattoo is excited about that.)

Of course, one possible problem with Cindy’s fantasy is that she already has a boyfriend. She’s been dating Eddie (Ken Berry) for a while now. However, Eddie refuses to get married. Every time that they schedule a wedding ceremony, Eddie finds an excuse to cancel. He can’t even say the word “married” without sneezing. Still, Eddie is in love with Cindy and he comes to the Island to try to convince her to give him another chance. He also tells all of her potential suitors that Cindy is actually a prostitute.

Now, to be honest, that’s not the sort of thing that I could forgive. I don’t care who you are or how much you love me, that’s just not something that I’m going to be able to overlook. However, this somehow convinces Cindy that Eddie really does love her so she decides to teach him a lesson by putting on a slit leather skirt and hanging out on a street corner in Fantasy Island’s red light district.

At this point, I said to myself, “Since when has Fantasy Island had a red light district?” Seriously, last week revealed that the island has a desert where the Egyptians buried their pharaohs. This week, we learn that the island has a red light district. Fantasy Island is a strange place. Stranger still, Eddie lying about Cindy and then Cindy pretending to be a prostitute leads to Eddie and Cindy getting married.

While that’s going on, Jordan Montgomery (Steve Forrest) is living out his fantasy of being an international jewel thief and …. wait, what? What type of fantasy is this? You can commit crimes in your fantasies? This island gets stranger and stranger! Anyway, Jordan steals a necklace from Leslie Tarleton (Leigh Taylor-Young), just to discover that the necklace didn’t actually belong to her and his thievery is going to cause her to lose her job. When Jordan attempts to retrieve the necklace so that he can return it, he discovers that it’s been stolen yet again! This time, crime lord Carl Dekker (Peter Mark Richman) has stolen the necklace and is keeping it on his boat, which is heavily guarded and which is also floating off the coast of the island.

So, for those keeping track, Fantasy Island has a desert, a pharaoh’s tomb, a red light district, and a Mafia. It seems like the island’s kind of gone downhill since the end of season one!

Anyway, this was actually a fun episode. Neither story was particularly deep but the action moved quickly and Steve Forrest made for a properly dashing jewel thief. I still don’t think that Cindy should have forgiven Eddie, let alone married him. But it was 1978 and I guess times were different back then.

Finally, Tattoo tried to start his own greeting card company. He was looking to corner the market on sarcastic and downbeat greeting cards. He was just a few decades too early!

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 3.11 “The Hustlers” and 3.12 “Fuller’s Rival”

Posted on January 16, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

The trip to California continues!

Episode 3.11 “The Hustlers”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 18th, 1997)

This episode reminds us that it originally aired in 1997 by featuring an entire subplot that revolves around how much the members of the Tornadoes love Mel Gibson.

The Tornadoes are still in California, preparing for their big tournament. (Coach Fuller mentions that they’ve been at the hotel for a week, which sounds like a really long time to be out of school but whatever. Maybe they’re on Spring Break.) When Vince comes across a wallet in the hotel lobby, everyone is excited to discover that it belongs to Mel Gibson. They’re so excited that they don’t even notice Dustin Diamond standing behind them, providing a painfully unfunny cameo as Saved By The Bell‘s Screech Powers.

(Speaking of Saved By The Bell, remember when Mary Beth made out with a character from that show over the summer, while they were both at Space Camp? It’s odd that no one brings Ryan up while they’re all in California and apparently close to Bayside High. It’s almost as if the show’s writers didn’t really pay much attention to what they were writing.)

Danny, Michael, Mary Beth, and Kristy pretend to be members of the cleaning staff and they break into Mel Gibson’s room. When they step into the room, Mary Beth calls out in an exaggerated Spanish accent to see if Mel’s around because she’s pretending to be a maid. Those who have been reading my reviews for a while know that I rarely get offended but I have to say that, speaking as both someone who is a fourth Spanish and whose mother took the occasional cleaning job in order to provide a good life for her four daughters, that actually did offend me a little.

Anyway, the group never does find Mel, though they do crash an exclusive Hollywood party that just happens to be taking place at the exact same hotel where they’re staying. Hopefully, someone did eventually get Mel’s wallet back to him.

The majority of show dealt with Teddy and Julie getting conned by some basketball hustlers. I didn’t even know that basketball hustlers were a thing but apparently, they were a huge problem in 1997. After Teddy and Julie get conned out of a hundred dollars, Michael plays with Teddy and Julie to help them win back their money. Unfortunately, Michael sprains his wrist (what is the deal with Michael constantly spraining stuff?) so Coach Fuller offers to play in Michael’s place. When the hustlers say that they’ll only play against teenagers, Kobe Bryant suddenly enters the gym. (According to Wikipedia, Kobe was 19 when he appeared in this episode.) Being a teenager (assuming that you accept 19 as being a teen as opposed to a young adult), Kobe helps Julie and Teddy defeat the hustlers. Julie and Teddy get their money back. But, to be honest, if they really needed money, they could have just borrowed some from Mel Gibson’s wallet and saved everyone a lot of trouble.

Eh. Between the racist humor and the Screech cameo, I don’t want to talk about this episode anymore. Let’s move on.

Episode 3.12 “Fuller’s Rival”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 18th, 1997)

Finally, it’s time for the tournament! Deering makes it to the final game against New York. (New York High School? I’m not sure how these tournaments work. Are they representing a state or a school?) New York is coached by Fuller’s former rival, B.B. Byrnes (Barry Wiggins). B.B. taunts Fuller to such an extent that Fuller loses his cool and gets kicked out of the game. Then Michael gets upset and also gets kicked out of the game. And then the Tornadoes lose!

Fuller apologizes to the team and tells them that good sportsmanship is important. Then, at the award banquet, Danny smashes a cake in B.B.’s face so I guess the lesson wasn’t learned. Oh well.

This episode, especially compared to the previous one, was actually pretty good. Reggie Theus, who could be a bit of a stiff actor, really gets into tearing up the gym when he loses his temper and, for that matter, Adam Frost (who played Michael) finally gets to show a little emotion as well. Plus, this show often tended to portray the Tornadoes as being unstoppable. I always appreciate the episodes where they learn a lesson from losing a game as opposed to the ones where they magically pulling off a last-minute victory.

The California story arc may have been uneven but it ended on a good note. Next week, I assume we’ll be back in Indiana.

Retro Television Reviews: The Last Child (dir by John Llewellyn Moxey)

Posted on January 15, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1971’s The Last Child! It can be viewed on YouTube!

Welcome to the “near future.”

Panicked by hysterical claims about overpopulation and environmental catastrophe, Americans have sacrificed the majority of their civil liberties. Smiling policeman stand on every corner and in every public hallway. Of course, once their authority is challenged, those smiles quickly disappear. Crude posters have been put up everywhere, demanding that everyone watch their consumption of natural resources. The social engineers and the eugenicists are in charge. Anyone over the age of 65 is ineligible for medical care and encouraged to consider euthanasia. Couples are allowed to have only one child and the government requires that anyone who gets pregnant a second time have an abortion. Anyone who questions the policy is told that they have no choice but to follow the law. It’s their civic duty. The media, meanwhile, runs headlines declaring that the one child policy has led to world peace.
Alan and Karen Miller (played by Michael Cole and Janet Margolin) have already had their one child. That their child died shortly after birth doesn’t matter in the eyes of Barstow (Ed Asner), the Himmleresque head of the Population Control Police. Every couple is allowed one child and that’s it. When Karen gets pregnant a second time, she is determined to have the baby. She and Alan know that their only hope is to cross the border into Canada. Helping them is a retired U.S. Senator (Van Heflin, in his final performance) who is opposed to the government’s policies. Caught in the middle of Karen’s brother, Howard (Harry Guardino). Howard works for the Population Control Police and he knows just how far Barstow is willing to go to keep Karen from having her baby.

The Last Child opens with a title card informing us that the film takes place in the “not-too-distant future.” Along with all of the propaganda posters, that’s the only real sign that this film is meant to be taking place in the future. There’s no “futuristic” technology. Everyone dresses in the latest 1971 fashions. Everyone drives the latest 1971 automobiles. Though the decision may have been motivated by the film’s low-budget, the lack of the typical sci-fi trappings serves the film well. The Last Child does not take place in a sleekly designed future and it doesn’t takes place in an apocalyptic wasteland. Instead, it takes place in a world that is just as shabby as you would expect a world controlled and decorated by a government bureaucracy to be. It’s a gray dystopia, populated by people who have given up their individuality. It’s a world that’s visually boring by design and that makes it all the more disturbing.

The Last Child is an effective and well-acted film. It probably feels more plausible today than it did when it aired back in 1971. In many ways, with its portrait of unfeeling government officials and bland authoritarianism, it’s the perfect film for the age of COVID. Indeed, the government’s policy of refusing to provide life-saving care for people over the age of 65 is reminiscent of what many pundits advocated for at the height of the COVID pandemic. As for the film’s one child policy, that too is a concept that has become recently popular with many American academics. Among many members of the so-called “elites,” there’s a definite need to try to control people and that very real need is what makes The Last Child so disturbingly plausible. In The Last Child, sanctuary is found in Canada. Today, of course, Canada is at the forefront of the euthanasia trend. Of course, in 1971, the Prime Minister of Canada was Pierre Trudeau and not Justin.

Pierre Trudeau’s personal motto was “Reason before passion” and that’s certainly the philosophy that fuels the dystopian society at the center of The Last Child. It’s a film that holds up today as both a thriller and a prophecy,

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 3.8 “The Princess and the Yeti” and 3.9 “Winkle/Wicks World”

Posted on January 14, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing California Dreams, which ran on NBC from 1992 to 1996. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week the Dreams go to Colorado and Public Access Television. To quote Matt Garrison, “Let’s do it!”

Episode 3.8 “The Princess and the Yeti”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 29th, 1994)

The Dreams have left California for Colorado! It’s on temporary, however. They’ve been hired to play at the ski resort that’s owned by Lorena’s father, Mr. Costas (Abraham Alvarez). Lorena is looking forward to skiing and showing off her new outfit. Her father wants her to work the front desk. “I’m allergic to work,” Lorena says, which leads to everyone saying that Lorena is spoiled.

Which is not true at all! Listen, Lorena is on vacation. You don’t work when you’re on vacation. At no point does Lorena’s father say that he’ll pay for Lorena to work the front desk. Instead, he just says, “I need you to work the front desk tonight.” Nah, old man. It doesn’t work like that. I, myself, have been called spoiled enough time to know that everyone is being way too hard on Lorena. Lorena has every right to expect a chance to ski while on a SKI VACATION!

Anyway, Mr. Costas wants to expand his resort but there’s an old man (Sandy Ward) who lives in a cabin and he refuses to move off his property. If the stubborn old man wasn’t bad enough, there’s also a Yeti running around the forest. But what if that Yeti is just a man dressed in a costume? Who would have the motive? Mr. Costas? No, he would be costing himself money by doing that. How about the Old Man? Other than the Dreams, he’s the only other person in this episode.

After Tony gets scared by the Yeti, he runs into the forest. The rest of the Dreams follow him and come across the Old Man’s cabin and his yeti costume. When Mr. Costas finds out, he wants to press charges but the Dreams are like, “He’s just an nice old man!” Yeah, and you’re a bunch of high school kids from California. Your opinion really isn’t that important.

The Dreams get mad at Lorena for not telling her father that the Old Man deserves to stay in his cabin. (Again, I’m not sure how it’s any of their business.) Miffed, Lorena goes skiing alone and injures her knee. The Old Man saves her life and Lorena offers to help pay off whatever money the Old Man is costing her father by working the front desk and not taking an allowance for a year. Mr. Costas agrees and everything works out …. except, of course, Lorena lives in California so how is she going work the front desk of a Colorado resort?

Also, I don’t care how nice the Old Man is. He still dressed up like a Yeti and did a lot of property damage to Mr. Costas’s business. Drag his his ass to jail!

This episode mostly serves to remind us that the California Dreams belong in California and on the beach. It just doesn’t seem right whenever they appear in a different location. It’s like one of those weird episodes of Saved By The Bell: The New Class where the gang all ended up working at a ranch. As much of a misfire as this episode was, I did laugh at the scene where Jake had to wear Lorena’s pink snow jacket while searching for Tony. A few years ago, in the middle of a torrential rain storm, Jeff informed me that he would rather get soaked and risk pneumonia than borrow my hot pink umbrella. What do men have against the color pink?

Anyway, let’s move on!

Episode 3.9 “Winkle/Wicks World”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 12th, 1994)

Tony and Sly get a show on public access TV! What was the deal with people in Peter Engel-produced shows always ending up on Public Access Television? Anyway, The Goo-Ga-Moo Guys becomes a big hit, despite being just a lame Wayne’s World rip-off. (To the show’s credit, Jake refers to show as being a “Wayne’s World rip-off.”) Unfortunately, this means that Tony no longer has time to play drums and Sly no longer has time to manage the band. Lorena takes over as manager and teaches the band how to be classy so that they can play an upper class gig that is, for some reason, being held at Sharky’s.

Anyway, fame goes to Tony and Sly’s heads. In the end, though, they decide that friendship is more important than fame. *Yawn* This is a plot that was used and reused by so many Peter Engel-produced shows that, at times, it seems as if the entire Englverse was an autopilot.

Hopefully, next week’s episodes will encourage us to seek good vibrations and feel mellow.

Retro Television Review: One World 3.13 “Hitting On A Guy”

Posted on January 13, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing One World, which ran on NBC from 1998 to 2001. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

The Cast of One World

On January 6th, 2001, One World aired not only the finale of their third season but also the final episode of the series. All stories and shows must come to an end and we have reached the end of One World. For one last time, here’s the One World theme song.

Does anyone else find it weird that the show never bothered to update their opening credits, despite the fact that Brandon Baker hit a major growth spurt and cut his hair after the first season? Seriously, it just seems incredibly lazy.

Episode 3.13 “Hitting on a Guy”

(Directed by Mary Lou Belli, originally aired on January 6th, 2001)

Dave and Karen have been named the Foster Parents of the Year! Marci decides to throw a big party for them at …. can you guess where? …. Miami’s “hottest under 21 club,” The Warehouse! Unfortunately, the kitchen crew refuses to work for the party because they haven’t been paid for the week. (Why would Marci, who is just the assistant manager, have to deal with payroll? Where’s The Warehouse’s owner?) Fortunately, the entire family decides that they’ll do the cooking themselves. But …. IT’S THEIR PARTY!? Who cooks at their own party!? What type of party is this?

Meanwhile, Jane is dating a nice guy named Ralph but he reminds her of her former foster brother, who was also named Ralph and who was abusive. Because she’s thinking about the Bad Ralph, she beats up the Good Ralph. Jane comes to terms with her anger and apologizes to the Good Ralph. Good Ralph says thanks and then runs off.

Having lost Good Ralph, Jane still shows up at the Warehouse party and gives a speech about how thankful she is for the Blakes. Dave rewards her by giving her a piece of Cake and that’s how the series ends.

And I have to admit that I was a little bit moved by all of the Blake kids giving their testimonials, though I honestly doubt I’ll remember anything about any of them a week from now. I was also surprised that the show did not end with Karen giving birth. I imagine that any other TNBC show would have. In the end, One World ended with a lot of unanswered questions. Will Ben ever find success as a musician? Will St. Neal ever get into college? Will Sui ever make the Olympic team? How long until Maci gets fired from her job at the Warehouse? Will Cray ever come to terms with having a black grandfather? (Seriously, that whole episode was weird.) Will Jane ever find a stylist who understands how to make her hair look good? Sadly, these questions will never be answered.

One World is a show that attempted to bring some edge to the TNBC brand. Occasionally, it came close to succeeding. Usually, it was a bit too much like California Dreams with juvenile delinquents instead of a rock band. One of the huge problems with the show was that the Blakes themselves had very little chemistry. Watching the actors perform opposite each other, it was hard to believe they even knew each other’s names, let alone lived together. Alisa Reyes and Michelle Krusiec (who played Marci and Sui) were the strongest performers on the show but they were rarely given enough to do.

Staring next week, I’ll be reviewing something new in this time slot. Until then, we’re all living in one world!

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 3.13 “Down and Out In Soho” and 3.14 “When Al Met Dawn”

Posted on January 12, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Smart and streetwise!

Episode 3.13 “Down and Out in Soho”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 30th, 1999)

So, I guess the reality show is still a thing. This episode begins with Ms. Nobel telling the Gang that she’s spoken to the show’s producer and she thinks it would be a good idea for them to do a community service project. I find myself asking this every review but seriously …. how is this any of Ms. Nobel’s business? Is Ms. Nobel a producer on Reality House now?

Anyway, the community service project involves hanging out with a bunch of Romanian immigrants. This leads to a lot of scenes featuring the immigrants speaking in broken English and thick accents while the audiences laughs it up. For a show that was supposedly all about celebrating diversity, City Guys certainly did enjoy poking fun at people with thick accents.

When Dawn comes across Euri, one of the Romanians, sleeping on the streets, she invites him to come live at the loft. Jamal warns that the guy could be a thief but he’s outvoted by his loftmates. Euri moves into the Loft and promptly steals a computer. At first, Dawn is disillusioned and swears she’ll never help another immigrant. Fortunately, Jamal and Dawn then run into Euri at a coffeehouse and he explains that his name is actually Joey and he’s from New Jersey. Upon discovering that she was robbed by an American instead of a Romanian, Dawn feels a lot better.

In the B-plot, Cassidy starts a folk act with L-Train and Chris and pretends to be a bad singer so that Chris and L-Train will quit the group. But if Cassidy wanted to be a solo act, why was she working with L-Train and Chris in the first place?

It was a bit of a confusing episode. Apparently, everyone is watching the reality show but no one recognizes Chris or Jamal when they’re in public. And we never actually see a camera crew filming the group. If the Loft is full of cameras, wouldn’t they have captured Euri/Joey stealing the computer?

Hopefully, this next episode will make more sense….

Episode 3.14 “When Al Met Dawn”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 6th, 1999)

“After two months of Reality House,” Cassidy says as the episode begins, “the best part is that you really get to know your roommates.”

“The worst part,” Jamal says, “is you really get to know your roommate.”

Actually, for the past two and a half seasons, the characters on this show have exclusively hung out with each other, to the extent that it almost seems like they’re in a Ms. Nobel-centered cult. It also seems like they should already know each other.

Speaking of getting to know each other, Dawn and Al are working on a science project together and they end up falling for each other and you know what? They’re actually a cute couple. However, Dawn is worried about the pressure of pursuing a relationship while on a reality TV show. “I mean, look at Gwyneth Paltrow and Ben Affleck!” she says, “Their relationship was killed because no one would leave them alone!”

Wow, Ben and his love life have been pop culture reference points for a while now.

(By the way, Dawn and Al’s science project is a big bulky television mounted on the handlebars of a bicycle. The idea is that you can watch TV while pedaling but it seems like it would just cause more accidents than anything else.)

Since Dawn and Al are keeping things a secret, L-Train sets Al up on a date with another girl. When the girl kisses Al, Dawns sees them and freaks out. At the science fair, Dawn humiliates Al by accusing him of cheating. Ms. Nobel, who has nothing better to do, tells Dawn that it was actually all her fault for trying to keep things a secret. (Ms. Nobel isn’t wrong but again, why does Ms. Nobel have to get involved in everything?) Dawn hijacks that Manny High radio station and asks Al to meet her at their favorite coffeehouse. Of course, everyone else from the reality show and the school all show up at the coffeehouse so that they can watch Al and Dawn get back together. It’s kind of cringey but, again, they’re a cute couple.

Meanwhile, Chris and Jamal are in love with the building’s new superintendent. So, the Loft is actually in a real building as opposed to just being a Big Brother-style set? I’m starting to think this show is not a realistic look at reality television.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 1.20 “Memories of You / Computerman / Parlez Vous?”

Posted on January 11, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s Valentine’s Day on The Love Boat!

Episode 1.20 “Memories of You / Computerman / Parlez Vous?”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on February 13th, 1978)

It’s time for the annual Valentine’s Day cruise! On Valentine’s Day, only singles are allowed to board the Love Boat. Everyone, even the members of the crew, wears a heart-shaped nametag. Julie has decided to liven things up by hiring Nick Heider (Frankie Avalon), who claims that his computer can decide who is compatible and who isn’t. Captain Stubing is hoping that the computer will set him up with someone because apparently, Stubing is tired of being single. To be honest, that really doesn’t make much sense. When you’re the captain of the ship, you’re going to get laid on Valentine’s Day. It doesn’t matter if you’re bald, middle-aged, and take yourself a little bit too seriously. A captain has power and power is an aphrodisiac.

Nick turns out to be kind of sleazy, with his wide collars and his unbuttoned shirts. Nick also has a crush on Julie and he wants her to take part in his compatibility survey. Julie says that she doesn’t believe that computer can decide who is compatible. If Julie doesn’t believe in Nick and his computer, why did she hire him for the cruise?

As you can probably guess, Nick fills out a survey for Julie anyway. The computer pairs them together and Julie and Nick actually do fall in love, though I have a feeling we will never again see or hear about Nick after this episode. Meanwhile, Captain Stubing is told that the computer can’t find any matches for him. The Captain is pretty depressed until all of the computer-selected couples start fighting. I would think that people taking a dislike to each other would be a problem on Valentine’s Day cruise but whatever. The computer fails and Stubing smiles smugly.

While this is going on, Gopher is recruited to act as a translator for two French women (Barbi Benton, Susan Silo) who are on the cruise. Gopher’s French turns out to be really bad but fear not. It turns out that the French women are actually Americans and they speak perfect English. They’re just pretending to be French in order to attract wealthy men. Jamie Farr and Danny Dayton nearly fall for the scam but then Gopher hears the women speaking English and he exposes them. Of course, despite ruining their scam, Gopher still gets a (temporary) girlfriend out of it when Brigitte (played by Barbi Benton) turns out to be very forgiving.

Finally, Doc thinks that he’s found his soulmate for the cruise when he spots jingle writer Lilly Mackin (Patty Duke). However, Lilly can’t stop looking at another passenger named Ted (Ricky Nelson). Lilly swears that Ted looks just like Alex, her former partner who mysteriously vanished. Doc suggests that Ted might be suffering from stress-related amnesia. Fortunately, Ted falls in love with Lilly and, after she kisses him, he starts to slowly remember bits of his past life as Alex. That’s the power of Valentine’s Day on The Love Boat!

I loved this episode. I took French in high school and college and I used to be really pretentious about it so I definitely related to Brigitte and Yvonne. And the amnesia story was just intriguing enough to hold my attention. Finally, I could help but laugh at how impressed everyone was with Nick and his match-making computer. There was nothing that Nick said that sounded different from what we currently hear in Match.com and EHarmony commercials. That said, I agree with Julie. Romance should be spontaneous and unpredictable, not pre-programmed.

The Valentine’s Day cruise was success! Will the success continue? We’ll find out next week!