Tag Archives: Peter Graves

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.10 “A Very Strange Affair/The Sailor”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week’s episode is about angels and Flying Dutchmen.

Episode 5.10 “A Very Strange Affair/The Sailor”

(Dir by Cliff Bole, originally aired on January 2nd, 1982)

This episode begins not with Mr. Roarke meeting the plane but instead with him heading out alone to the beach, where he meets a ghost ship that is being steered by Captain Hendrik Van Horton.  Captain Van Horton is the legendry Flying Dutchman, the sailor who cursed God when he failed to defeat the Spanish fleet and who is now cursed to sail the ocean until he finds a woman who not only loves him but who is “willing to sacrifice her life” for him.  Every seven years, Captain Van Horton is allowed to spend two days on dry land and he almost always comes to Fantasy Island.

And yes, this all sounds very intriguing and it is an interesting way to open this episode.  I’m so used to the stock footage of Roarke driving down to the docks that it’s always a bit jarring to see something different.  However, Captain Van Horton is also played by the reliably stiff (if likable) Peter Graves.  Graves’s deadpan and straight-forward acting style made him the ideal actor for certain roles, usually as a professional of some sort.  However, Graves’s rather stoic persona did not make him the best choice to play a tortured sea captain, cursed to sail on the ocean for an eternity.

As for his fantasy, the captain is lucky enough to be on the Island at the same time as Laura Myles (Florence Henderson), whose fantasy is to fall in love with an old-fashioned man’s man.  She falls for the Captain, despite the attempts of her ex-boyfriend, Bill (Brett Halsey), to win her back.  Unfortunately, the Captain loses his temper and punches the well-meaning Bill.  Bill is willing to forgive the Captain but Mr. Roarke explains that the Island police are not as forgiving.  (Doesn’t Mr. Roarke control the police?  It’s his Island!)  Captain Van Horton needs to marry Laura and then leave.

Captain Van Horton explains that he’s fallen in love with Laura but he can’t ask her to die for him.  Laura says that she would be willing to die for a man who she has known for a day and half.  Roarke then reveals that Laura doesn’t have to die.  She just has to be “willing to die.”  (Wow, what a silly curse!)  The Captain and Laura sail off together but you have to wonder how the Captain feels about discovering, after hundreds of years of wandering, that there was an easily exploitable loophole to the curse.

As for the other fantasy, Ron (Dick Smothers) needs some confidence so he’ll be able to talk notorious tightwad, J.D. Stoneman (Hans Conried) i,nto investing in an orphanage.  Roarke rings a bell and summons an angel, Miss Harbringer (Shelley Smith).  Miss Harbringer gives Ron a pep talk and even goes to talk to Stoneman herself.  Of course, Miss Harbringer’s real purpose is to make Ron’s wife, Elaine (Arlene Golonka), so jealous that Elaine will take over and encourage Ron to talk Stoneman into giving him the money.

Anyway, Miss Harbringer flirts with Stoneman and convinces him to invest in a good cause.  But she allows Ron and Elaine to believe that it was Ron’s powers of persuasion that convinced Stoneman to invest.  It’s kind of sad that Ron and Elaine forget about Miss Harbringer as soon as they get their money but Roarke says that’s the way it is for angels.  I don’t think that’s true, though.  I bet George Bailey never forgot Clarence.

(Atta boy, Clarence!)

Tattoo is not in this episode so it’s Julie’s turn to assist Mr. Roarke.  What’s odd is that the episode doesn’t even offer up any explanation as to where Tattoo has disappeared.  This episode was a bit on the blah side so it definitely could have used Tattoo.  A random llama shows up at the end of the show and I liked that.  Llamas are cute.  But otherwise, this was a forgettable trip to the Island.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.2 and 4.3 “The Family Plan/The Promoter/May The Best Man Win/Forever Engaged/The Jurors”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, The Love Boat heads to the Virgin Islands in a special two-hour episode!

(For syndication purposes, this episode is technically listed as being two episodes.)

Episode 4.2 and 4.3 “The Family Plan/The Promoter/May The Best Man Win/Forever Engaged/The Jurors”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on November 1st, 1980)

One of the cool things about The Love Boat is that, at least once per season, the cast and crew would actually film on location on an actual cruise.  You can always spot these episodes by the fact that they’re usually two-hours long, there’s more passengers than usual, and the guest stars tend to spend more time on the upper deck than in their cabins.  It may not sound like much but there’s just something undeniably fun about seeing the actual ocean while the ship’s crew and the show’s guest stars go through the motions.  It’s a reminder that we live on a beautiful planet and we should all make the effort to go out and see some of it.

The fourth season’s location shoot followed the boat as it sailed from the Virgin Islands to Los Angeles, with stops in Curacao, Venezuela, and Panama.  Along with all of the usual romance and laughs, this episode is a bit of a travelogue as Gopher, Julie, and the Captain all take their turn telling the passengers about the history of where they are sailing.  Isaac even gets into the act, pointing out the Virgin Islands to Doc Bricker.  (Being the walking HR nightmare that he is, Bricker can’t hear that name without making a comment about it.)  For a history and travel nerd like me, that was enough to make this episode fun.

As for the storylines, it was typical Love Boat silliness.  Promoter Larry Evans (Darren McGavin) is promoting a contest in which 50 engages couples will be married by Captain Stubing in a mass wedding aboard the ship.  (It’s kind of like what happens in cults, now that I think about it.)  One lucky couple will win money, a house, and a car.  Larry boards the ship with his wife, Sheila (Debbie Reynolds) and it quickly becomes apparent that their marriage is struggling, despite the happy facade that Larry attempts to put up.  When Larry’s plan for a network television special falls through, he’s offered a bribe by one of the engaged couples.  When Sheila learns that Larry is considering taking the bribe, she announces that she wants a divorce and then starts spending a lot of time with Captain Stubing.  Again, Vicki gets her hopes up that she’ll soon have a stepmother.

Meanwhile, Carl Lawrence (Peter Graves) boards the ship to try to keep his son, Ted (Brian Kerwin), from rushing into a marriage with Carrie (Erin Moran).  Meanwhile, Carrie’s mother, Mary Ann (Kathie Browne), boards to keep Carrie from rushing into a marriage with Ted.  Carl and Mary Ann are eager to work together to keep this wedding from happening.  But then Carl and Mary Ann fall in love and start planning a rushed wedding of their own.  “Are we hypocrites?” Carl wonders.  Yes, you are.  But you’re also Peter Graves so you can pretty much do whatever you want.

Tom McMann (Ted Knight) and Mary Hubble (Rue McClanahan) have been engaged for ten years.  Mary fears that Tom won’t go actually go through with the wedding and Tom suddenly finds himself unable to say the words, “I do.”  Can Isaac help them out?

Marv Prine (Don Most), who previously sailed on last season’s Alaskan cruise, boards as the best man for the wedding of his friend Brian (Lloyd Alan) and Emily (Charlene Tilton).  However, Brian decides he’d rather run off with an old girlfriend and he leaves it to Marv to break the news to Emily.  Marv can’t bring himself to do it so he keeps making excuses and promising Emily that Brian will meet them at the next port.  Marv falls in love with Emily but suddenly, Brian shows up.  When he finds out that Marv didn’t tell Emily the truth about him standing her up, Brian decides to go ahead with the wedding.  Emily becomes convinced that Marv was trying to steal her away from Brian but then she finds a receipt from a cheap hotel and she realizes the truth.  “You’re not a man,” Julie tells Brian.  WAY TO GO, JULIE!

Finally, the Captain assigns Doc Bricker the task of judging the couples contest.  Doc thinks that it sounds tedious so he passes the job onto Gopher.  However, when Doc sees that the other two judges are Valerie (Dawn Wells) and Rena (Ann Jillian), he conspires to take Gopher’s place.  While docked at Curacao, Doc sends Gopher assure to pick up some medical supplies.  Gopher, of course, walks up to a cop and asks for help finding “the drugs.”  When the cop doesn’t understand, Gopher says, “I want to buy drugs.”  Long story short, Gopher ends up in jail and the ship sails off without him.

Wow, that’s a lot to deal with!  But don’t worry it all works out.

Gopher meets a Spanish diplomat’s daughter and is not only freed from jail but he also gets a girlfriend and a limo for his trouble.  When the ship docks in Los Angeles, Valerie and Rena abandon Doc so that they can take a ride in Gopher’s new limo.

Larry does not take the bribe and saves his marriage.

Everyone else gets married.

Yay!  A happy ending!  Except, of course, for Vicki, who thought she was going to get a stepmother.  But don’t worry, Vicki. There’s still 6 more seasons to go.

This was a fun episode.  It made me want to take a cruise.  Interestingly enough, this is also a prophetic episode.  A cruise for engaged couples in which one couple wins a big prize?  Today, there’s not a network around that would pass on that.

See?  The Love Boat knew exactly where America sailing.

Horror Film Review: Beginning of the End (dir by Bert I. Gordon)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 1957 film, Beginning of the End, is perhaps the ultimate horror film for people who dislike Illinois.

Because it’s a Bert I. Gordon film and Gordon took his “Mr. Big” nickname seriously, it deals with giant monsters.  In this case, the monsters are a bunch of locust who ate all of this radioactive grain that was being stored in a silo.  The locusts grew to giant size and then they went on a rampage.

Fortunately, the rampage appears to be localized to Illinois.  Apparently, the locusts have enough respect for state boundaries that they know better than to hop into Indiana, Missouri, or Wisconsin.  Instead, the locusts take out the farming community of Ludlow and then start making their way to Chicago, perhaps hoping to battle the Chicago Outfit for control of the city’s politics.  Do they seriously think Mayor Daley is just going to sit back while a bunch of locusts overrun his city?

The government wants to cover up the locust rampage because they don’t want to risk a mass panic in the 47 states that they actually care about.  (This film came out before Alaska and Hawaii joined the Union.)  However, when enterprising reporter Audrey Aimes (Peggie Castle) comes across the remains of Ludlow and discovers that the U.S. military has taken over the area, she is determined to discover what happened.  She hooks up with Dr. Ed Wainwright (Peter Graves), whose work in making food bigger led to the giant locust attacks in the first place.  In most movies, Ed would shoulder most of the blame for the locust attack but Beginning of the End seems to understand that these things happen when you’re dousing food with radiation and then keeping the food in a poorly secured silo.

Of course, the main reason why it’s not Ed’s fault is that Ed is played by Peter Graves and seriously, who could blame anything on Peter Graves?  Graves was one of those actors who could deliver even the silliest of dialogue with a straight face and he certainly gets to do that in Beginning of the End.  He seems to be taking the situation seriously, even if no one else is.

One reason why it is a little bit difficult to take the situation seriously is because it’s about giant locusts.  Now, make no mistake about it.  I’m enough a country girl that I know how destructive locusts can be.  The problem is that locusts may be destructive but they don’t look all that menacing.  Even giant locusts just look like really ugly grasshoppers.  This film uses a lot of rear projection and still photography to create the idea of giant locusts crawling over buildings and threatening the soldiers who have been sent to fight them.  As is so often the case with Bert I. Gordon’s film, there’s a definite charm to the cheap special effects.  But still, locusts are locusts.

Chicago haters will love the scene where General Hanson (Morris Ankrum) announces that the locusts have only left him with one option, the drop an atomic bomb and wipe the city off the face of the Earth.  Fortunately, Ed is there to suggest another solution.  Good old Peter Graves.  I don’t know what we would have done without him.

As a final note, I’ll just mention that the poster for this film is actually more exciting than the film itself:

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 3.20 “Nona/One Million B.C.”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  Almost entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube!

This episode features a trip to the past and a surprisingly good turn from Peter Graves.

Episode 3.20 “Nona/One Million B.C.”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on March 1st, 1980)

This week, we have another episode of Fantasy Island in which a somewhat effective fantasy is matched with an incredibly dumb one.

The dumb fantasy involves two women (Phyllis Davis and Jo Ann Pflug) who want to go back to a time when men took care of everything and women didn’t have to do anything.  They’re sick of all that women’s lib stuff!  Mr. Roarke explains that their fantasy is rather vaguely worded and then sends them back to the time of dinosaurs and cavemen.  (Of course, dinosaurs and cavemen didn’t exist at the same time but whatever.)  After the two women are nearly killed by a Claymation dinosaur, they are taken in by a tribe of cavemen.  Since their modern clothes were ruined in all the excitement, they are given fashionable fur outfits to wear.  Despite the fact that they’ve gone back to One Million B.C., the new animal skins outfits have built-in bras, showing that the cave people were more advanced than anyone realized.

Anyway, living in a cave sucks but, fortunately, it turns out that tribe’s leader (Neville Brand) is actually just Mr. Roarke in disguise.  Just as the cavemen find themselves in a battle with another tribe of cave dwellers, Roarke reveals himself and ends the fantasy.  Yes, it was dumb.

The other fantasy was significantly better.  Ned J. Scott (Peter Graves) is a former Chicago cop who is now blind but still obsessed with finding the whereabouts a missing actress named Nona (Joanna Pettet).  Roarke gives Scott one of his magic potions, which briefly returns his ability to see.  Fortunately, Nona is on Fantasy Island, being held prisoner by a knife-wielding pimp (Edd Byrnes).  Scott saves her from the pimp, encourages her not to be so critical of herself, and reunites Nona with her family before losing his eyesight once again.  Nona, having fallen in love with Scott, declares that she loves him whether he can see or not.  They leave the Island together.  Awwwwww!

The second fantasy had its flaws, not the least of which was that Nona certainly got over being a sex slave in record time.  But, almost despite itself it still worked.  A lot of that is due to Peter Graves.  Graves, who we normally think of as being something of a stiff actor, gives a very emotional performance here and the viewer never doubts for a second his love for Nona.  Graves especially does a good job in the scenes where Scott realizes that his vision is starting to fade and that he will soon be blind again.  He gives a fully committed performance, one that elevates the fantasy.

Finally, this episode features one brief scene of Roarke and Tattoo banter.  (Roarke and Tattoo banter used to be one of the show’s trademarks but it was rarely seen during the third season.)  Roarke tricks Tattoo into thinking that he’s just taken an invisibility serum.  It’s a bit cruel but at least they were speaking to each other again.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 3.1 “Hit Man/The Swimmer”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, we begin season 3 of Fantasy Island!

Episode 3.1 “Hit Man/The Swimmer”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on September 7th, 1979)

The third season of Fantasy Island gets off to a strange start when, after announcing that the plane is arriving with this week’s guests, Tattoo approaches Mr. Roarke while accompanied by a one-man band.

Not even bothering to disguise his contempt his assistant, Mr. Roarke demands to know what Tattoo is doing.  Tattoo replies that he is campaigning for the position of Honorary Lord Mayor of Fantasy Island.  He hands Mr. Roarke one of his fliers.

Again, Mr. Roarke does not appear to be particularly amused as he informs Tattoo that he has been Lord Mayor of Fantasy Island for several terms now and no one, up until this point, has ever dared to run against him.  Tattoo suggests that it is time for a change.

Myself, I’m just wondering what the heck is going on.

I mean, we are three seasons into Fantasy Island.  It has been established that Fantasy Island is an independent nation, one that is home not just to the resort but also to a fishing village, a private school, an old west town, several haunted houses, a red light district, and miles of potentially dangerous jungle.  Whenever anyone from America has tried to boss around Mr. Roarke, Roarke has replied that Fantasy Island is a not governed by American law.  Given the size and the variety of lifestyles on Fantasy Island, I’m not sure that “Lord Mayor” is really the right term to use for the island’s ruler.

Beyond that, it’s been pretty much established that Mr. Roarke is Fantasy Island’s dictator.  He decides what happens on Fantasy Island.  He makes the laws.  It’s his island and everyone respects his authority.  The important thing is that, over the past two seasons, it has never been previously mentioned that Mr. Roarke is an elected official.  If Tattoo were to win the election, would the Island become his?  Is Tattoo truly trying to overthrow Mr. Roarke?  Given how much Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize disliked each other, it would not surprise me if Villechaize would have been happy to see that happen.  But, if you’re going by the show’s admittedly twisty continuity, the whole thing just doesn’t make any sense.

As for this week’s two fantasies, the first one doesn’t always make that much sense either.  It features David Doyle as Fred Forbush, an underwear manufacturer.  He’s come to the island with his wife (Constance Towers) and kids (Ronnie Scribner and Katrina Axley).  Fred has gotten in some business trouble.  Though his family doesn’t know it, he is on the verge of losing it all.  However, he has a life insurance policy that will pay his family over a million dollars if he’s murdered.  Though his family thinks that they are just on vacation, Fred’s fantasy is for Mr. Roarke to arrange for a hitman to kill him.

The fact that Mr. Roarke not only agrees to this but apparently also allows a hitman named Johnny Detroit (Eddie Mekka) to operate an assassination school on his island suggests that maybe Tattoo has a point about the Island needing a new Lord Mayor.

Johnny’s first attempt to murder Fred fails when Johnny slips on a leaf and ends up firing his sniper rifle into the sky.  Humiliated by that failure, Johnny now feels that killing Fred is a matter of honor.  However, Fred receives word that a clothing store wants to go into business with him!  Fred no longer wants to die!  Well, good luck with that….

Fear not!  This is actually the episode’s comedic storyline so Fred doesn’t die.  Instead, he ends up trying to hide from Johnny by putting on a wig and a sarong.  When that doesn’t work, he tells his family the truth.  (Needless to say, his wife is pretty angry at Lord Mayor Mr. Roarke.)  Fortunately, Johnny’s mother (Kaye Ballard) shows up on the island and puts an end to the whole thing.  It turns out that Johnny really isn’t a hitman.  Instead, he’s just a guy named Wilbur whose fantasy was to be a ruthless killer …. which is not disturbing at all!

While all that nonsense is going on, Jack Summers (Peter Graves) and his daughter, Terry (Eve Plumb, continuing the tradition of former Brady kids showing up on both this show and The Love Boat) arrive on the island to see Dr. Frantz (Gail Fisher).  Terry was an Olympic-level swimmer until a car accident left her in a wheelchair.  Jack’s fantasy is that Dr. Frantz will be able to cure Terry’s condition and she’ll be able to walk and swim once again.  Unfortunately, Dr. Frantz explains that there is no hope.

However, Mr. Roarke has also arranged for Terry to teach a water ballet class.  The class is made up of disabled children and, as you have probably already guessed, working with them causes Terry to realize that she doesn’t have to go to the Olympics to do great things.  As far as fantasies go, it was predictable but sweet.  Even Peter Graves gets emotional watching Terry’s students in the water.

But what about the election?  Tattoo names Chester the Chimpanzee as his campaign manager and loses the election when Chester eats the only vote that Tattoo received.  By a landslide, Mr. Roarke is reelected.  Presumably, his first post-election move will be to have Tattoo imprisoned for bringing Johnny Detroit to the Island, despite the fact that it was actually all Mr. Roarke’s idea.  When you’re a dictator, you can do whatever you want.  Hopefully, Tattoo will be free by next week’s episode.

This episode was a nice way to kick off season 3.  The election storyline reminded the viewers of just how weird Fantasy Island actually is, as both a location and a show.  Eddie Mekka made me chuckle a few times in the role of the buffoonish Johnny Detroit.  And I was glad that Terry found the peace and happiness that was always denied to Jan Brady.

Next week: Abe Vigoda visits the Island!

Missile X: The Tehran Incident (1979, directed by Leslie H. Martinson)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

The international terrorist and casino owner known as The Baron (Curd Jurgens) has stolen a Soviet-made nuclear warhead.  With the help of Prof. Nikolaeff (John Carradine), the Baron is planning on dropping the warhead on an international peace conference that is being held off the coast of Iran.  American Alec Franklin (Peter Graves) and Russians Konstanine Senyonov (Michael Dante) and Galina Fedorovna (Karin Schubert) want to prevent the Baron from doing that but, in order to stop the Baron, they’re going to need the help of Leila (Pouri Baneai), a member of the Shah’s secret police.

Missile X was a German-Italian-Spanish co-production that was shot on location in Tehran with the full cooperation of the Shah of Iran.  The film goes out of its way to attempt to present the Shah-era Tehran as being a modern and welcoming city, the type of place that anyone would by a fool not to choose for a vacation.  The Shah’s secret police are portrayed as being friendly and heroic and the only time the name “Ayatollah Khomeini” is mentioned is when Alex and Leila are listening to a radio and a news report mentions that Khomeini is far away in Paris.  Leila turns off the radio in the middle of the report, as if to say, “There’s someone will never have to think about again.”  Unfortunately, for both the film and the world at large, that was the case.  In an example of truly bad timing, Missile X was not released in the United States until December 10th, 1979, six days after Khomeini officially took control of Iran and a month into the Iran hostage crisis.  By the time the film was released, the Shah had long-since fled Iran and was seeking asylum and medical care in the United States.

As for the film itself, imagine a Bond film with no car chases, no exciting action sequences, no creative gadgets, and no one-liners.  Imagine also that the main Russian was played by an American who don’t even attempt to speak with any sort of accent.  On top of that, imagine if James Bond himself came across less like a ruthless super spy and more like an insurance executive trying not to overspend on the company account while on a business trip.  Curd Jurgens actually did play a memorable Bond villain in The Spy Who Loved Me but he sleepwalks his way through Missile X.  Not even giving him a mute henchman with a knife-hand can make the Baron seems dangerous.  Even if you can overlook all of that, the Baron’s plan never makes sense.  What does he have to gain from blowing up a peace conference?  Alec and Konstantine both agree that the Baron’s actions will probably start World War III and lead to the end of the world but it’s never explained why the Baron would want that.  Presumably, the Baron would end up getting blown up with everyone else.

Of course, you don’t have to imagine any of this.  You can just watch Missile X — The Tehran Incident.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.10 “Man of the Cloth / Her Own Two Feet / Tony’s Family”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

It’s time to give thanks as the Love Boat sets sail for another holiday adventure!

Episode 2.10 “Man of the Cloth / Her Own Two Feet / Tony’s Family”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on November 17th, 1978)

It’s time for the big Thanksgiving cruise and love is in the air!

Unfortunately, the ship’s chief engineer calls in sick the day of the cruise.  The ship can’t sail without a chief engineer!  Rather than cancel the cruise, Captain Stubing decides that assistant engineer Tony Santini (Larry Storch) will just have to give up his Thanksgiving and work on the cruise.  Needless to say, Tony is not happy about this.  As he explains to Gopher and Julie, his entire family is in town and he was planning on spending his holiday with them.  Julie comes up with a brilliant idea!  Maybe Tony’s family could secretly take the cruise with Tony.  They can just sneak on board and remember to stay away from the captain.  Tony agrees.  Of course, it then turns out that Tony has a gigantic family.  Along with his wife and his children, he is also accompanied by his parents, neither of whom speak English.  His parents bring a chicken with them.

The crew goes out of their way to keep the Captain from discovering the stowaways but, eventually, the chicken gets loose and Stubing figures out what is going on.  The entire crew — including the Captain — volunteers to pay for the family’s tickets but Tony announces that he doesn’t take charity.  He’ll figure out a way to pay the bill.

While that’s going on, Rev. Gerald Whitney (Peter Graves) is excited to find love on the cruise.  The only problem is that the woman who he’s fallen in love with (Roz Kelley) is also a stripper!  Rev. Whitney doesn’t care but unfortunately, Barbara Sharp (Vivian Blane) does.  Barbara just happens to be a member of Whitney’s church and she is shocked to see the reverend and the stripper together on the cruise.  Barbara gets so judgmental that her husband, Phil (Alan Young), threatens to divorce her.  Barbara and Phil finally have a heart-to-heart talk in the casino.  Barbara agrees to stop being so judgmental.  Phil agrees to stop gambling as soon as he puts his last silver dollar in the ship’s slot machine.  That silver dollar was given to him by one Tony’s kids and when the slot machine pays off, Phil and Barbara give all of the money to Tony’s family.  Yay!  Now Tony can pay for the cruise.

(I guess the lesson here is that, if you’re going to be a stowaway, make sure the ship has a casino.)

Finally, Bert (Van Johnson) and his wife, Audrey (June Allyson), are having to adjust to life now that Audrey has gone blind.  Fortunately, Doc Bricker takes a break from hitting on every woman on the boat and gives them some words of encouragement.  Soon, Bert is no longer lying about Audrey’s condition and Audrey is using her cane and learning how to read braille.

This episode felt a bit weird.  Obviously, the most interesting story was the reverend falling in love with a stripper but the show itself devoted more energy to Tony and his family and Phil gambling.  To be honest, with the amount of time that Phil spent in the casino, he came across like he might have a problem.  Hopefully, he went straight from the cruise to Gamblers Anonymous.  The guest stars themselves just seemed to be going through the motions and the end result was a fairly forgettable Thanksgiving.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 2.10 “The Flight of the Great Yellow Bird” / “The Island of Lost Women”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Smiles, everyone, smiles!  It’s time to search for Bigfoot!

Episode 2.11 “The Flight of the Great Yellow Bird / The Island of Lost Women”

(Dir by Joseph Pevney, originally aired on November 25th, 1978)

This week’s episode is all about people looking for things.

Tattoo, for instance, is looking for success on the stock market.  He thinks he’s got a hot tip on how to make a lot of money.  Mr. Roarke rolls his eyes when Tattoo speaks about it.  Obviously, Mr. Roarke has heard a lot about Tattoo’s hot tips and he’s given up on pretending to have any respect whatsoever for his loyal assistant.  Later, Mr. Roarke will order Tattoo to get his stock ticker out of the office.  One gets the feeling that, much like Joseph P. Kennedy in the 1920s, only Mr. Roarke will be smart enough to escape the collapse of the world’s economy.

(Legend has it that Joseph Kennedy — father of the Kennedy children — got out of the Stock Market when the guy who was shining his shoes started giving him stock tips.  Kennedy figured that if even the shoe shine guy was playing the market, that meant there were too many deals being made.  Kennedy turned out to be correct and, as a result, his family suffered not at all during the Great Depression.  Of course, after the Great Depression, there would be suffering all around.)

While Tattoo looks for money, this week’s guests look for ancient legends.

For instance, Barney Shore (Robert Morse) is a sailor who spent two years on an atomic submarine.

“He went two years without seeing a woman!?”  Tattoo says, “Boss, what did he do?”

Well, what do you think he did!?  Mr. Roarke, being a gentleman, says that Barney spent all of his time reading and researching legends of an island that was populated only by women.  Barney’s fantasy is to discover the island and indeed, he does.  Barney is dropped off on a tropical island that is populated by women who all dress as if they’re extras in an Italian Hercules movie.

Unfortunately, for Barney, Queen Delphia (Cyd Charisse), has very strict rules about men on the island.  Only one man is allowed to be around the women per year.  That man is crowned the Harvest King and his job is to …. well, make sure that the population continues to grow.  Of course, once the Harvest King has done his job, there’s no reason to keep him around and he’s sacrificed.  Barney falls in love with one of the women and he convinces the rest of the tribe that it’s okay for men and women to live together on the same island.  Good for Barney….

“But what about Bigfoot!?”

I hear you, I’m getting to him.  Barney’s a nice guy and I’m glad he survived his trip to the island but obviously, the main attraction here is to watch Peter Graves play the world-renowned adventurer Singapore Eddie Malone.  Eddie comes to Fantasy Island to give a lecture about his hunt for Bigfoot.  However, he’s hired to help Prof. Smith-Myles (Barbara Rush) explore an isolated area of the island where Bigfoot may indeed live.  Eddie is here to help the professor experience her fantasy of finding Bigfoot while Eddie’s fantasy is to be a true explorer and everyone’s fantasy comes to true!  Of course, Eddie is also an old friend of Rourke’s and, at the end of the episode, Tattoo suggests that maybe the whole thing was just Roarke’s fantasy to make Eddie feel better about his life.

But what about Bigfoot!?

The actual Bigfoot doesn’t really get much screen time, sorry.  Then again, I think that’s why Bigfoot is so intriguing.  He’s elusive!  He’s fun to search for.  He’s fun to talk about.  But spending too much time with him would just take away the mystery.  Besides, who needs Bigfoot when you have Peter Graves glowering and doing his whole “international man of mystery” routine?

This was a silly episode and both stories felt a bit rushed but Peter Graves gave such a grave, deep-voiced performance that the episode was still entertaining.  Hopefully, Bigfoot will return!

Horror Film Review: Killers From Space (dir by W. Lee Wilder)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

This is the one with the googly-eyed aliens.

Killers From Space was released in 1954 and, in many ways, it’s typical of the sci-fi B-movies that were released at the time. A nuclear scientist (Peter Graves) crashes the airplane that he’s flying. Everyone thinks that he’s dead but, a day later, he shows up at the army base. He says he can’t remember anything about the crash but once he’s put under hypnosis, he remembers being abducted by a bunch of aliens. No one believes his story but Graves knows what happened and he’s determined to thwart the aliens before they can sap away all of Earth’s energy. And by Earth, I mean America because this film is from 1954 and every character in the movie understands that there’s only one nation that matters!

With a running time of only 70 minutes, it’s a standard alien invasion flick. It’s perhaps a bit distinguished by the presence of Peter Graves, who handles his role with dignity.  Graves was one of those actors who could deliver even the most ludicrous dialogue with a certain amount of gravitas and the film certainly gives him plenty of chances to do just that.  Graves has the perfect deep, resonant establishment voice.  Just the sound of it makes the viewer think of America.  As such, there’s something undeniably fun about him deploying that voice for a film about an invasion of googly-eyed aliens.  And the film is also somewhat notorious for being one of the many B-movie to be directed by Lee Wilder, the brother of Billy Wilder.  Billy Wilder not only perfected the modern comedy but he also made some of the most important film noirs ever made.  He was a master of every genre and someone who inspired countless filmmakers.  He directed witty masterpieces like Double Indemnity and Sunset Boulevard and The Apartment.  Billy Wilder made the first major film about alcoholism, The Lost Weekend. Billy Wilder won Oscars and competed at Cannes. Lee Wilder made movies like Killers From Space.  The Cannes elitists never invited Lee Wilder to their festival and, watching his films, one gets the feeling that it was the festival’s lost.  Ironically, both directors made films that continue to intrigue viewers, though for very different reasons.  Billy Wilder gave us an amoral Hollywood screenwriter narrating a film from beyond the grave.  Lee Wilder gave us googly-eyed aliens.  And true film lovers love both of them for their entertaining contributions to world cinema.

With all that in mind, the main thing that people remember about Killers From Outer Space are the aliens and …. well, who can blame them? Seriously, look at them!

I mean, obviously they’re just big googly eyes and half the time, they don’t even fit correctly. You can probably buy eyes like that for yourself if you really wanted to. But still, the image of those big eyed aliens is undeniably creepy! You may quickly forget most of what happens in Killers From Space. It’s not that memorable of a film, to be honest. But you will never forget those eyes!

Retro Television Review: Scream of the Wolf (dir by Dan Curtis)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay.  Today’s film is 1974’s Scream of the Wolf.  It  can be viewed on YouTube!

A small town in California is shocked when a series of brutal murders occur within the city limits.  Someone or something is killing people whenever the moon is full.  The only clue are the footprints that the killer leaves behind at every scene.  Strangely, there are time when the kill seems to walking on all fours, suggesting that it’s a wild animal.  But then, suddenly, there are only two footprints, indicating that the killer is a man.  Is the killer a beast or a human?

Maybe it’s both.

That’s the question that John Weatherby (Peter Graves) attempts to answer in Scream of the Wolf.  John is a former hunter who is now working on a book about his life.  He looks at the footprints and the savagery of the attacks and he says that the killer is obviously a wolf because no human could be capable of doing such a thing.  However, many people in town are convinced that the killer is a werewolf.  That includes John’s girlfriend, Sandy (Jo Ann Pflug).

In fact, Sandy thinks that she knows exactly who the werewolf is.  She thinks that Bryon Douglas (Clint Walker) is responsible for the murders.  Byron is an old friend of John’s.  They used to hunt together.  John eventually turned his back on hunting but Byron continues to insist that people are never more alive than when they are hunting another creature.  In fact, Byron claims that the murders are actually a good thing.  According to Byron, the murders have woken up the survival instinct in the spoiled inhabitants of the town.  And indeed, the citizens of the town do appear to be getting progressively more and more paranoid.

Okay, so Byron obviously has some issues.  But does that make him a werewolf?  John insists that there are no werewolves and that Byron is just a somewhat eccentric blowhard.  John better hope that he’s right because Byron has announced that he’s going to hunt down the werewolf and he’s invited John to join him on the hunt.

Running a brisk 78 minutes and not wasting a single one of them, Scream of the Wolf is an enjoyable and atmospheric werewolf film.  I don’t think I actually heard a wolf scream over the course of the film but I did hear plenty of people scream.  For a made for TV movie, Scream of the Wolf doesn’t shy away from showing the horror of being stalked by an unseen creature in the middle of the night.  Needless to say, any film featuring Peter Graves as a former big game hunter is going to have a bit of camp appeal but, in the end, Graves’s somewhat stolid acting style works well for the character that he is playing.  Clint Walker, who towers over everyone else in the film, gives an intimidating and creepy performance as Byron.  The film’s central mystery isn’t particularly complex but the story is told well.  Scream of the Wolf is a simple but entertaining film, one that’s ideal for October viewing.