The Irresistible Man”

Posted on February 12, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

It’s time for another trip on The Love Boat! We’re a little late setting sail today but it happens. Let’s see what’s happening on this cruise….

Episode 5.17 “The Return of the Captain’s Lady/Love Ain’t Illegal/The Irresistible Man”

(Dir by Howard Morris, originally aired on February 6th, 1982)

This week’s cruise is all about people being stupid.

For instance, George Boggs (Dick Martin) wants to embezzle some money from his company but he can’t run the risk of his business partner, Irwin (Robert Mandan), finding out. So, George tells his secretary, Marge (Phyllis Davis), to keep Irwin distracted while George steals the money. However, Marge really does fall for Irwin. This was a very predictable storyline and it suffered from Dick Martin continually mugging for the camera and acting so obviously guilty that there was no way that the entire world wouldn’t have noticed what he was doing. Still, if you’re a fan of sitcoms from the 70s and 80s, it’s always interesting to see Robert Mandan playing a sympathetic character for a change.

Things get even dumber when Doug Bridges (Linwood Boomer) decides that the best way to get Pam (Lydia Cornell) to notice him would be to fake being pulled into a broom closet and kissed by an amorous woman who then, in Doug’s telling of the story, runs off and disappears. Soon, the entire ship is looking for Doug’s mystery woman. Why this would get Pam to like Doug, I’m not sure. Pam’s best friend (Pat Klous) does like Doug so she pretends to be the mystery woman. Of course, Doug can’t reveal that she’s lying because that would mean revealing that he was lying and …. as I said, this story was dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb!

Finally, Captain Stubing’s ex-fiancé, Linda (Pat Crowley) boards the ship and the Captain is super excited! He starts to rekindle their relationship and soon, he’s even thinking of proposing. Yay! Vicki’s finally going to have a stepmom …. oh wait. Hold on. It turns out that Linda’s married and she just boarded the boat and allowed herself to be romanced by the Captain without telling him any of this because …. reasons, I guess? I mean, don’t get me wrong. Linda is not happy with her marriage and is in the process of getting a divorce but she doesn’t tell any of that to the Captain. Merrill thinks that Linda is single and ready to get married. Nope, Linda was just looking for a fling and is not ready to get married again. Poor Merrill! At least he has the crew looking out for him….

Ugh. This episode. Listen, I am more than willing to suspend my disbelief when it comes to this show. Usually, I absolutely love The Love Boat. But usually there’s at least one sort of funny or sweet story to go along with the ones that are less memorable. None of the stories worked on this cruise and that’s a shame. That said, I’ll be back next week. The Love Boat promises something for everyone, afterall.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.21 “The Big Bet/Nancy and the Thunderbirds”

Posted on December 10, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites. Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, it’s the last Julie episode.

Episode 5.21 “The Big Bet/Nancy and the Thunderbirds”

(Dir by Cliff Bole, originally aired on May 1st, 1982)

Because I’ve got a cold and I’ve still got a lot to do for the holidays, I’m only going to do a mini-review for this episode. It’s not a very good episode so the less time spent talking about it, the better.

I knew this episode wasn’t going to be my cup of tea when Julie was the one who greeted Mr. Roarke as he stepped out of his office. That’s nothing against Wendy Schaal, the actress who played Julie. It’s just that the episodes in which Julie helps out Roarke are never as good as the Tattoo episodes. Ricardo Montalban and Wendy Schaal just didn’t have the same type of entertaining chemistry as Montalban and Herve Villechaize.
I think a huge part of the problem with Julie is that she is Roarke’s goddaughter and spends a lot of time looking up to him and treating him like a father figure. Tattoo and Roarke were, more or less, equals and they could relate to each other on a much more honest and, by the standards of the show, realistic fashion.
As for the fantasies, neither one is very interesting.
Mary Ann Mobley plays Nancy Carsons, who was adopted and raised by an Indian chief. Nancy]s fantasy is to fulfil the Chief’s prophecy and conquer a thunderbird. Apparently, only by doing this can Nancy prevent the tribe from falling apart when the Chief dies. The problem is that the thunderbird is a mythological bird who does not exactly exist.
However, there is a squadron of airplanes known as the Thunderbirds and they’re visiting Fantasy Island. Can Nancy, who is a licensed pilot, fly one of those plans and kind of make the prophecy come true?
Of course, she does! And she also falls in love with Major Wood (Patrick Wayne) so, not only is the Tribe saved but Nancy will now be doing even more flying.
If the Thunderbirds fantasy was just kind of bland, the “Big Bet” fantasy is downright offensive, with Corky Daniels (John James) making a bet with his co-workers that he can have sex with Playpen model, Judy Moreau (Lydia Cornell). Judy just happens to be on the Island, accompanied by Playpen published ~~Hugh Hefner~~ Al Henshaw (Edd Byrnes).
Corky tells Judy a lot of lies to get her to fall for him. When Judy finds out about the bet, she’s so upset that she …. sleeps with Corky anyways. But then Corky doesn’t tell his friends about sleeping with Judy and loses the bet which proves to Judy that he really does love her.
Now, let’s give credit where credit it due. Both Roarke and Julie tell Corky that he’s being a sexist pig. I always like it when Roarke gets offended with his guest’s because Montalban always seemed to enjoy playing up Roarke’s anger. Mr. Roarke comes across as being the perfect host but you don’t want to get him mad.
Corky and Judy leave the Island together. Judy should have tossed Corky in the lagoon.

We’ve got one episode left in season 5. I checked and it’s a Tattoo episode, which means this week’s episode was Julie’s grand finale. Unfortunately, it’s not really much of a finale. Julie’s sudden presence on the Island was never really adequately explained, though it was kind of nice to be reminded that there’s always a lot taking place on the Island and Roarke doesn’t always have time to oversee every little thing. I suppose Roarke probably has many assistants who we rarely see.

Because of the holidays, this is my final Fantasy Island review of 2024. I will resume reviewing Fantasy Island on January 7th!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 2.3 “A Bond of Silk”

Posted on April 10, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

Never jump on a spider web! Seriously.

Episode 2.3 “A Bond of Silk”

(Dir by Ernest D. Farino, originally aired on October 15th, 1989)

Nash (Marc McClure) is an oilman who has just married Portia (Lydia Cornell) and is taking her on a New York honeymoon. A travel agent has arranged for them to be picked up at the airport in a limousine and driven to a posh hotel. Sure, it’s strange that the hotel appears to be completely devoid of staff and other guests but Nash and Portia just assume that’s a part of the ambience. As Portia puts it, they don’t have anything like this back in Lubbock!

(And right there is where I massively rolled my eyes.)

The honeymoon suite is in the basement of the hotel. It doesn’t look like much. Oddly, the closet is full of clothes from previous guests. And, in the bedroom, there is what appears to be a giant web. Nash declares that it must be a hammock and he jumps on the web. He soon discovers that the web is sticky (duh!) and he’s stuck. Portia correctly deduces that that web must have been spun by a giant spider. She also figures out that no one who has ever checked into the room has ever left. The travel agent, the limousine, the hotel …. they’re all a part of plan to keep the spider fed.

Nash insists that he’ll figure out a way out of the web but the more he tries to escape, the more stuck he becomes. Finally, it falls to Portia to figure out a way to safely cross the web, free her husband, and get out the room. Unfortunately, as Portia quickly realizes, the spider is waiting for her to attempt just that.

There was a lot about this episode that worked. The hotel was a creepy location. Nash’s struggle in the web was frightening and the visual of him getting more and more stuck in the web was effectively claustrophobic. By today’s standards, the special effects were not particularly impressive but still, they were good enough to not totally take me out of the story.

That said, this was yet another episode where all of the action was dependent upon the characters acting in the dumbest ways possible. Eventually, Portia reveals herself to have a lot of determination and to be a lot more clever than she originally came across. Nash, however, remains an idiot through the entire episode and it’s hard to have sympathy for someone who sees a giant spider’s web and automatically thinks, “Hey, let’s jump into it!” While neither spoke with a convincing Texas accent, both Marc McClure and Lydia Cornell were likable but the actions of their characters requires a bit too much suspension of disbelief.

As for next week’s episode, it appears that college students will be raising the dead! Uh-oh.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 3.23 “Another Time, Another Place/Doctor Who/Gopher’s Engagement”

Posted on December 27, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Maureen McCormick returns to The Love Boat!

Episode 3.23 “Another Time, Another Place/Doctor Who/Gopher’s Engagement”

(Dir by Allen Baron, originally aired on March 1st, 1980)

Mrs. Elliott (Audrey Meadows) boards this week’s cruise with a very specific mission in mind. She wants to find a husband for her daughter, Celia (Maureen McCormick). Mrs. Elliott, whose husband owns a good deal of stock in the cruise line, at first eyes Doctor Bricker as a possible suitor for her daughter, despite the fact that the doctor is considerably older than Celia and has been divorced multiple times. However, Celia is far more charmed by Gopher, who asks Celia to dance when Julie points out how miserable Celia looks at the ship’s Charleston night.

Celia is charmed by Gopher and, when he accidentally gives her a ring that he’s been carrying around in his pocket, she assumes that he’s asking her to marry him. (The ring was actually lost by another passenger and Gopher was just carrying it around until he could put it in the lost-and-found.) Celia says yes and suddenly, Gopher is engaged! Mrs. Elliott is not happy about this, as Gopher is only an assistant purser. As for Gopher, he tries to get out of the engagement by having Isaac tell Celia that Gopher’s a drunk. This only makes Celia even more determined to marry Gopher (so she can “save” him) and this also gets Gopher in trouble with the Captain who, as the show sometimes remembers, is a recovering alcoholic.

Fortunately, Isaac eventually tells Celia the truth about what’s going on. Celia is surprisingly forgiving, returning the ring and announcing that she and Gopher will always be good friends. Celia also finds the strength to tell her mother to let her live her own life. Mrs. Elliott is okay with this, because she has another daughter who needs a husband and Doc is still single.

This was a storyline that depended too much on everyone involved acting like an idiot. Those are my least favorite stories. But, just as with last week, Fred Grandy got to show off his tragic clown qualities and Maureen McCormick was so convincing in her role that it was hard not to suspect that perhaps she related to a character who was tired to everyone assuming that they knew what was best for her and her life.

Speaking of storylines that required everyone to act like an idiot, this episode also featured Bert Parks as Dr. Michael Mervey, a noted sex therapist. Dr. Mervey boards the ship under an assumed named and tells the Captain that he just wants to relax and not have anyone asking him for any help with their problems or asking him to autograph his book. However, Evelyn Miller (Phyllis Davis) has heard a rumor that Dr. Mervey is on the boat so she boards with the intention of tracking him down and seducing him.

The only problem is that Evelyn doesn’t know what Dr. Mervey looks like. (I find that hard to believe, considering how famous Dr. Mervey is supposed to be.) When she hears Isaac refer to another passenger (Arte Johnson) as being a “doctor,” Evelyn assumes the passenger must be Dr. Mervey. But instead, he’s just Wilfred Johnson (Arte Johnson), a nerdy nuclear physicist. At first, Dr. Johnson pretends to be Dr. Mervey but when the real Dr. Mervey inevitably spots Evelyn and starts to hit on her, the truth comes out. Evelyn dumps Wilfred. Feeling guilty, Dr. Mervey tries to give them a therapy session. Neither wants to listen to Dr. Mervey but they do still realize that they actually love each other. Wilfred and Evelyn leave the cruise arm-in-arm and Mervey pats himself on the back for a job well-done.

Again, this plot was way too dependent on everyone acting like an idiot. That said, Bert Parks made me laugh as the self-important Dr. Mervey.

Finally, Jane Wyman stars as Sister Patricia, a nun who is heading to Acapulco to be a teacher. When she discovers that her ex-boyfriend, Steve Brian (Dennis Morgan), is on the cruise, she is forced to reconsider her decision. In the end, she decides to follow her calling but she tells Steve that they’ll be reunited in another time and another place. When Stubing comforts Steve, Steve replies that, “if” there’s a Heaven, they’ll be reunited.

Uhmm…. Steve, if there is a Heaven, it’s probably not full of agnostics. Just saying.

Anyway, this was a simple story and I could tell where it was going to go from the first minute the Steve greeted Patricia on the boat but it worked because of the old school charm of Dennis Morgan and Jane Wyman. These two Hollywood veterans knew just how to best embrace the melodrama.

Thanks to Wyman and Morgan, this was a pleasant cruise. Hopefully, next week will be just as pleasant.