Tag Archives: Leslie Nielsen

The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! (1988, directed by David Zucker)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

Let’s take a moment to appreciate Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen), a true American hero.

Even though Frank is just a Los Angeles cop, he still goes to the Middle East and disrupts a conference of America’s greatest enemies.  He beats up Fidel Castro.  He knocks out Gadafi and Yasser Arafat.  He cleans Gorbachev’s head.  (“I knew it!” he says as the birthmark disappears.)  He takes out Idi Amin and he sends the Ayatollah Khomeini through a window.  Thirty-seven years ago, this scene opened The Naked Gun and, after all that time, it is still funny because Leslie Nielsen plays it all with a straight face, delivering his silly lines without flinching.  It’s also interesting that none of the leaders taken down by Frank Drebin are around anymore.  Khomeini died just a few months after this film came out.  Gorbachev was the last to go, in 2022, by which time he was no longer an enemy.  Consider it the Frank Drebin Effect.  He’s making the world safe for democracy.

When Drebin returns to Los Angeles, he’s informed by Captain Ed Hocken (George Kennedy) that Police Squad has been put in charge of security for a visit from Queen Elizabeth (Jeanette Charles) and that Officer Nordberg (O.J. Simpson) is in the hospital and suspected of being a dirty cop.  The Mayor (Nancy Marchand) doesn’t want Los Angeles to be embarrassed by a police scandal before the Queen arrives so Drebin has 24 hours to exonerate Nordberg.  Drebin’s attempt to clear Nordberg’s name leads him to a shipping magnate (Ricardo Montalban) who has come up with a diabolical scheme to assassinate the Queen at a baseball game.  It also leads to love between Drebin and Jane Spencer (Priscilla Presley).

Though Liam Neeson did a fine job in the recent reboot, there really is only one Frank Drebin and his name is Leslie Nielsen.  The original Naked Gun is nearly 40 years old and, even if some of the jokes are dated, it’s still laugh out loud funny.  Most of the credit has to go to Leslie Nielsen and ability to deliver even the most bizarre bits of dialogue with natural authority, gravitas and a straight face.  Whether he’s mumbling his way through the National Anthem, paying an informer for information, or hamming it up as an umpire, Nielsen is never less than hilarious.  By the end of the movie, it’s impossible to look at Nielsen without laughing.  Kennedy, Presely, and Montalban also generate their share of laughs.  John Houseman has a great cameo as an unflappable driving instructor.  (“Now, extend your middle finger.”)  As for OJ Simpson, he doesn’t seem to be in on the joke like the rest of the cast but he does frequently get injured and re-injured throughout the movie and there’s definitely some pleasure to be found in that.

(When Simpson died, director David Zucker said, “His acting was a lot like his murdering: He got away with it, but no one believed him.”  That sounds about right.)

Liam Neeson made for a fine Frank Drebin, Jr.  I hope he has many more adventures.  But the greatest Frank Drebin will always be Leslie Nielsen and the original Naked Gun will always be one of my favorite comedies.  Sometimes, it’s good just to laugh.

Thank you, David Zuker.

Thank you, Jerry Zucker.

Thank you, Jim Abrahams.

And most of all, thank you, Leslie Nielsen.

Holidays On The Lens: Santa Who? (dir by William Dear)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Oh no!  Santa Claus has amnesia!

That’s the premise behind this 2000 Christmas movie, which features Leslie Nielsen as the amnesiac Santa.  Having fallen out of his sleigh, Santa finds himself in Los Angeles.  When a reporter (Steven Eckholdt) comes across Santa, he does a story about him.  Santa becomes a mini-celebrity and gets a job as a department store version of himself.  While his elves search for him, Santa struggles to recover his memory.

It’s a cute little made-for-TV movie.  Leslie Nielsen as Santa?  Who could resist that?

Brad reviews THE NAKED GUN (2025), starring Liam Neeson!

Posted on by Bradley Crain

When I first saw that THE NAKED GUN was being rebooted with Liam Neeson as Frank Drebin, Jr., I must admit that I was quite skeptical. You see, the original THE NAKED GUN (1988) with Leslie Nielsen came out when I was 15 years old, and I remember watching it at the movie theater on a field trip with our high school’s Future Business Leaders of America (FBLA) club. I loved it so much! I eagerly watched THE NAKED GUN 2 1/2 (1991) and NAKED GUN 33 1/3 (1994) at the theaters as well. To be completely honest, this series is one of my favorites of my “growing into an adult” years, and I didn’t want to see it screwed up. When the trailer was released a couple of months ago my reaction was cautious optimism as I must admit it looked quite funny, and I decided that I would go watch it in the theater when it came out. Well, tonight my wife and I headed to the Cinemark in Little Rock to see what director Akiva Schaffer and his crew had come up with…

In THE NAKED GUN (2025), dedicated Detective Lt. Frank Drebin Jr. (Liam Neeson) follows in his father’s footsteps by leading Police Squad and causing an endless array of problems for Police Chief Davis (CCH Pounder). When a bank heist is staged by Sig Gustafson (Kevin Durand) in order to obtain a mysterious P.L.O.T. Device, Drebin teams up with his partner, Captain Ed Hocken Jr. (Paul Walter Hauser), and the beautiful crime novelist Beth Davenport (Pamela Anderson) to investigate. Their subsequent probe leads them to tech mogul Richard Cane (Danny Huston) and his sinister plot to use the device to revert humanity to a base barbaric state as the balls drop on New Year’s Eve. With the help of his deceased father’s spirit that’s being housed in the body of a large owl, Drebin goes all out to foil Cane’s plans while simultaneously falling in love with Beth! 

I’m going to go ahead and alleviate any suspense and state that I love the new NAKED GUN movie. I laughed out loud throughout the entire film, including the end credits, and I wasn’t the only one as there were people in our showing that were laughing much louder than me. It was a fun “crowd experience,” and I’m so glad we caught it in the theater. Not every joke is funny, but in the tradition of the original series, they come so fast and furious that there’s a good chance the next joke will be hilarious. Liam Neeson does a great job as Frank Drebin, Jr., infusing the character with just the right amount of seriousness to allow the absurdity all around him to be played for laughs. I told a friend a few months ago that I’d be really impressed if Neeson was able to pull this role off, and I’m glad to report that he passes with flying colors. He doesn’t make you forget the comedic genius of Leslie Nielsen, but he’s darn good. And Pamela Anderson is perfect in the crime novelist / love interest role. I haven’t seen her in anything in a long time, but she’s truly hilarious in the film. After watching her performance, I honestly don’t think any actress could have done any better. The rest of the game cast, including Paul Walter Hauser, Danny Huston and Kevin Durand each have good moments that add to the fun. I also enjoyed some of the specific throwbacks to the original series, including brief appearances by Priscilla Presley, Weird Al Yankovic, and especially the stuffed beaver, which got a big laugh out of me, just like it did when I was 15! 

Overall, I had a great time at the movie theater with THE NAKED GUN (2025). Director Akiva Schaffer delivers a hilarious, 85 minute film that’s a worthy follow-up to the original Zucker-Abrahams-Zucker / Leslie Nielsen classics. What else could you ask for?!!

Brad’s Scene of the Day – THE NAKED GUN 2 1/2 (1991) – Richard Griffiths goes airborne!!

Posted on by Bradley Crain

In honor of actor Richard Griffiths, on what would have been his 78th birthday, and the impending release of the new NAKED GUN film starring Liam Neeson, I present this fun scene from THE NAKED GUN 2 1/2: THE SMELL OF FEAR. Enjoy my friends!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 3.25 “The Gift of Life”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, the third season comes to a close.

Episode 3.25 “The Gift Of Life”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on May 6th,1987)

Jonathan and Mark’s new assignment finds them working as bodyguards for a businessman named Richard Benson (Leslie Nielsen).  Richard is in charge of a company that pollutes the ocean.  He owns an apartment building were people people are forced to live with rats.  He makes no apologies for being greedy.  He has Jonathan and Mark accompany him to a parking garage so he can offer someone a bribe.

Eventually, Jonathan just comes straight out and says, “I’m angel.”  Jonathan did that a lot over the course of season 3 and it always kind of bothered me.  It was as if Jonathan decided he couldn’t be bothered to maintain his cover story.  Richard doesn’t believe in angels, though he does accept the Bible that Jonathan gives him.  Jonathan instructs him to read it before going to sleep.

That night, someone shoots Richard while he’s reading his Bible.  Jonathan and Mark appear to him and give Richard a tour of all the misery that he’s caused by being greedy and selfish.  Jonathan forces Richard to look at a dead seagull.  Richard is then allowed to relive the past seven days of his life so that he can do some good and have a chance to get into heaven.

Wow, that sounds intense, right?

And I guess it would be, except for the fact that it’s now impossible to watch Leslie Nielsen without laughing.  Before everyone rushes off to comment, I am fully aware that Nielsen spent decades as a dramatic actor before emerging as a comedy superstar.  I’ve reviewed a few of his serious films here on the site.  But the fact of the matter is that Nielsen’s comedy was so built around his deadpan delivery of absurd lines that even his serious performances leave you feeling as if everything’s building up to a punchline.  That’s the case here.  Jonathan, Mark, and Richard might be talking about environmental pollution and poverty but every scene leaves you wondering when Nielsen is going to say, “And don’t call me Shirley.”

Would the episode have worked better with someone else in the role of Richard?  Yes and no.  Another actor would not have left us waiting for punch lines that were destined to never come but the episode’s script would have still been incredibly heavy-handed.  Richard Benson has just died and Jonathan and Mark immediately show up and start yelling at him.  They make it clear that they don’t care if he goes to Hell or not.  That’s not a very good attitude for an angel to have.

Fortunately, Richard gets his second chance and he manages to survive a redo of the assassination attempt.  (Fortunately, he falls asleep with his Bible over his heart.  The Bible is thick and strong enough to stop the bullet so I’m going to guess that Richard was given a Catholic Bible as opposed to a wimpy Protestant one.)  And so, Richard goes on to be a better person and I imagine his company will end up going bankrupt as a result.

That’s it for Season 3!  Season 3 had some good episodes, like Codename: Freak.  It also had the worst episode of the show so far, Ghost Rider.  Next week, we’ll start Season 4!

Wrongfully Accused (1998, directed by Pat Proft)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

Ryan Harrison (Leslie Nielsen) is a world-famous concert violinist who plays his instrument like Jimmy Page plays his guitar.  Harrison is invited to a party but when his host, Hibbing Goodhue (Michael York), is murdered, Harrison is wrongfully accused.  No one believes his story that the murder was committed by a one-eyed, one-armed, one-legged man.  Harrison is convicted of a crime he didn’t commit.  Maybe he should have asked for a preemptive pardon but that would probably have been too ludicrous an idea for even a parody film like this one.  An accident on the way to prison allows Harrison to escape.  He must now prove his innocence while being pursued by the determined Fergus Falls (Richard Crenna).

Wrongfully Accused is the only film to be directed by comedy writer Pat Proft and it’s a parody film in the style of Airplane!  There are sight gags, movie references, and a lot of ridiculous dialogue delivered in deadpan fashion by Leslie Nielsen.  Richard Crenna does a decent impersonation of Tommy Lee Jones.  There’s a North By Northwest parody that involves a toy airplane.  It’s not that there weren’t enough funny moments, it’s just that there weren’t enough of them.  Most of the jokes instead felt uninspired, as if Proft just turned on his TV and tossed in a joke about whatever movie he saw being advertised.  It feels like the script was written by using parody movie mad libs.  One reason why Airplane! holds up  so well is because it genuinely loved disaster movies and there was a sense of innocence to even the wildest of the jokes.  Wrongfully Accused has some funny moments but there’s no real affection for the movie being poked fun at.  The Fugitive feels like almost too easy a target.  Leslie Nielsen and Richard Crenna score some laughs but even they sometimes seem to be just going through the motions.

As the old saying goes, dying is easy.  Comedy is hard.

Airplane! (1980, directed by David Zucker, Jim Abrahams, and Jerry Zucker)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

Airplane!, which may be the funniest movie ever made, has made me laugh every time that I’ve watched it.  And I’ve watched it a lot!

Whenever I’m getting ready to travel for my day job, I watch Airplane!  Whenever I’m going to Baltimore or West Virginia for the holidays, I watch Airplane!  Whenever I’m in a bad mood and I need something lighten me up, I watch Airplane!  Whenever I’m in a good mood and I want to be in an even better mood, I watch Airplane!

I can’t remember how old I was when I first saw Airplane! but I know I wasn’t yet ten.  While a lot of the humor went over my head at that young age, it did not matter because I laughed at all the sight gags, like the heart hopping around on the doctor’s desk and the line of passengers waiting to “calm down” the hysterical woman.  I laughed when Ted Stryker (Robert Hays) and Elaine (Julie Haggerty) got covered in seaweed while making out on the beach.  I laughed at the people dying while listening to Ted’s story, even though I didn’t fully understand that it was because of Ted boring them to death.  I loved it when Kareem Abdul-Jabbar got annoyed with the kid in the cockpit, even though young me really didn’t know who Kareem was other than he was a basketball player.  Otto the autopilot was the coolest character around.  Stephen Stucker’s Johnny made me laugh with his nonstop energy.  “Excuse me, stewardess, I speak Jive.”  “And don’t call me Shirley.”  “It looks like I picked the wrong time to stop sniffing glue.”  Every time I heard them, I laughed at all of those lines.  I didn’t have to understand why Lloyd Bridges was suddenly upside down.  I just knew it was funny.

As I got older and rewatched the film, I started to pick up on the humor that earlier went over my head.  I traveled to Turkey when I was twelve and our tour guide spent an hour telling us that Midnight Express was not a fair representation of her country.  After that, I suddenly understood why Captain Oveur (Peter Graves) wanted to know if Joey had ever been to a Turkish prison.  I came to appreciate Julie Hagerty and Lorna Patterson as the two flight attendants.  Airplane! still made me laugh but I came to understand that it was also a love story.  What adolescent boy watching Airplane! didn’t want to be Robert Hays, not only landing the plane but also getting kiss Julie Hagerty at the end of the movie?

And then, as I learned more about the movies, I realized that Airplane! was a pitch perfect parody of the disaster genre and I came to understand the brilliance of casting actors like Lloyd Bridges, Robert Stack, Peter Graves, and especially Leslie Nielsen in this film.  From the first time I saw the movie, Nielsen always made me laugh because he had the best lines and he delivered them with deadpan perfection.  But, as I got older, I came to understand that Nielsen was doing more than just saying funny things.  He was sending up his entire career.  I’m a part of the generation who grew up laughing at Leslie Nielsen the comedy superstar and it’s always strange for me to see him in one of his older, serious roles.  I have Airplane! to thank for that.

There’s so much to say about Airplane!  I could write a thousand words just talking about my favorite jokes and one-liners or how much I enjoyed Stryker’s flashbacks.  It’s my favorite movie and one that still makes me laugh even though I know all of the jokes by heart.  (I’ve always thought Howard Jarvis waiting for Stryker to return to the taxi was one of the best, though underrated, jokes in the movie.)  Airplane! is close to 50 years old and it’s still just as funny today as when I first saw it.

In fact, I think I’ll go watch it right now!

Horror Film Review: Dark Intruder (dir by Harvey Hart)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 1965 film, Dark Intruder, takes place in San Francisco in 1890.

Murders are being committed on the foggy streets of the city that was once known as Yerba Buena.  Women are being stalked through allies and attacked by a caped figure who seems to thrive on the darkness.  At each murder, a hideous statuette is left behind.  The statuette seems to depict a winged demon emerging from the back of a man’s head.  With each murder, the demon appears to be growing closer and closer to fully escaping from the man.

The police are baffled and the press is suggesting that London’s infamous Jack the Ripper has come to California.  (Well, where else would he go?  I kid, California, I kid!  I love you, California.  Well, I love some parts of California, at least.)  As the police often due when they have a case with supernatural overtones, they turn to local socialite and bon vivant, Brett Kingsford (Leslie Nielsen).

Brett lives in a mansion, where he wakes up nearly every morning with a hangover.  He enjoys life but he’s also found time to become an expert on the occult.  He even has a giant plant in his library that perks up whenever there’s a paranormal presence nearby.  Brett is engaged to Evelyn Lang (Judi Meredith), who speaks in an annoyingly high voice.  When the police bring the statuettes to Brett, he takes them to a psychic named Chi Zeng for advice.  Chi Zeng (played by Peter Brocco, who you may have guessed was not Chinese) reveals that the statuette represent a Sumerian demon that is inhabiting the body of a human.  The demon has to commit seven murders so that it can freed from its host and then allowed to commit as many terrible acts as it wants.

Who is the demon possessing?  Brett’s friend, Robert Vandenburg (Peter Mark Richman), fears that it could be him.  Brett tries to assure Vandenburg that he has nothing to worry about but as Brett continues his investigation, he comes to realize that Vandenburg actually may have a lot to worry about….

Dark Intruder is a short film, clocking in at a little under an hour.  It was originally developed as a pilot for a television series that would have featured Leslie Nielsen solving occult crimes on a weekly basis.  Unfortunately, the series wasn’t picked up (it sounds like it would have been fun!) and Dark Intruder was given a theatrical release as part of a double feature with William Castle’s I Saw What You Did.  It’s an effective little film, full of gothic atmosphere, misty streets, and a frightening (and clawed) villain.  The murder that opens the scene seems as if it would have been quite graphic by the standards of 1966 television.  Perhaps that’s why the pilot didn’t lead to a series.

Of course, for a lot of people, the main appeal here is Leslie Nielsen, playing one of his “serious” roles.  Usually, it’s difficult to watch Nielsen’s dramatic work because it’s impossible not to be amused at his signature deadpan line delivery.  But he’s actually very good in Dark Intruder.  It helps that Brett Kingsford was written as being someone who had a sense of humor, as opposed to the stiff characters that Nielsen usually played in his dramatic roles.  Nielsen appears to be having fun in the role, which is not something you can say about most of Nielsen’s dramatic work.  Again, it’s a shame that Dark Intruder was apparently too ahead of its time for 1965.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 3.17 “Playgirl/Smith’s Valhalla”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  Almost entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube!

This week, Leslie Nielsen returns to Fantasy Island!

Episode 3.17 “Playgirl/Smith’s Valhalla”

(Dir by Michael Vejar, originally aired on January 26th, 1980)

This week, Tattoo is super excited because one of the guests is Erica Clark (Barbie Benton), a famous centerfold for Rooster Magazine!  Erica, however, no longer models.  As she explains to Mr. Roarke, she grew tired of men treating her as just being a sex object.  Indeed, her fantasy is to be able to treat men the same way!  (Today, of course, Erica could save however much money she spent for the fantasy by simply watching clips of Magic Mike on YouTube.)

In perhaps the simplest fantasy that Mr. Roarke has ever put together, he sends Erica to the Island’s famed Jackrabbit Club, where men dance while women watch.  Again, to be clear, all Mr. Roarke had to do was send her to the island’s version of Chippendales.  I mean, Erica could have just done that on her own.  Anyway, Erica witnesses one of the dancers, Walter Wilde (Fabian Forte), getting fired for refusing to go along with being sexually harassed by one of the women in the audience.  Relating to Walter, his desire to go to medical school, and his life as a single father to Dinah (Heather McAdam), Erica agrees to come out of retirement and pose (in a bikini with a big rooster tail hooked on the back) for the club’s owner, Big Earl Sanderson (Denny Miller).  However, when Big Earl demands that Erica do more than just pose, Walter is there to punch him out.

Anyway, it turns out that Dinah’s fantasy was for Walter to fall in love and Roarke combined her fantasy with Erica’s, presumably to save some money.  So, Erica, Walter, and Dinah leave the island together and I guess Erica learns that …. well, I’m not sure anyone learned anything.  This was a pretty weak fantasy that claimed to be about treating men as sex objects but spent the majority of time looking for excuses to put Barbi Benton in a bikini.  Seriously, Jackrabbit was the tamest male strip club I’ve ever seen.

Meanwhile, the Island finds itself in what should be an international incident after a group of dirty commies hijack a plane and make it land at an abandoned Fantasy Island airport.  The communists say that they are doing this because they have to get people to pay attention to their cause but it’s hard not to notice that there’s next to no media coverage of the events, there are no soldiers or police surrounding the airport, and Mr. Roarke merely shrugs it off.

The only person who does care is Jason Smith (Hugh O’Brian), whose fantasy is to lead a combat mission.  The fantasy becomes personal for Jason when he discovers that his wife (Emily Banks) is one of the hostages!  Mr. Roarke arranges to Jason to work with three combat experts.

Buck Tanner (Sean Garrison) is an explosives expert who suffers from war flashbacks.

“Weasel” Forbes (Charlies Dierkop) is a wild sniper.

And French soldier of fortune Emile Bouvier is …. LESLIE NIELSEN!

Yes, this episode of Fantasy Island features Leslie Nielsen is one of the last of his “serious” roles, playing a French mercenary by wearing a red beret and not even attempting an accent.  Bouver is tough and no-nonsense, as we learn when he catches Buck drinking on the job.

Anyway, Jason is able to rescue his wife and the other hostages and the communists are all arrested and hopefully sacrificed to the Fantasy Island mermaid.  Bouvier sacrifices his life to save Jason’s but Mr. Roark explains that it was no big deal because Bouvier was dying anyways and his fantasy was to end his life doing something heroic.  Once again, it appears that Mr. Roarke saved some money by combining fantasies.  Was Fantasy Island feeling the effects of the Carter recession?  Perhaps.

Other than Leslie Nielsen playing a serious role, probably the most interesting thing about this episode is that Mr. Roarke and Tattoo barely spoke to each other over the course of it.  There was none of the usual comedic banter or anything like that.  Indeed, even in the scenes greeting and saying goodbye to their guests, Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize refused to every look at each other.  Obviously, it wasn’t all happy days on Fantasy Island.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.24 “Ages of Man/Bo and Sam/Families”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, the Captain needs a new watch but his crew is determined to give him a bunch of toothpicks instead.

Episode 2.24 “Ages of Man/Bo and Sam/Familes”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on March 10th, 1979)

This week’s cruise gets off to a bizarre start with Captain Stubing reminding the members of the crew that he will soon be hitting his 5-year anniversary mark as their captain.  Doc, Julie, Gopher, and Isaac are planning to throw him a huge surprise party and they’ve even gotten him a gift, a replica of the Love Boat made out of toothpicks!

Now, it’s not just the gift that feels strange about this scenario.  There’s also the fact that Stubing claims that he’s been captain of the Pacific Princess for five years even though the show is only in its second season.  As you may remember, the very first episode of The Love Boat featured the crew still talking about how they couldn’t figure out the proper way to approach their new captain and how they didn’t know anything about his background.  So, unless three years passed without anyone noticing, the Captain has only been on the ship for two years.

Add to that, Captain Stubing keeps telling anyone who will listen that he needs a new watch.  So why is the crew dumb enough to give him a boat made out of toothpicks for his anniversary gift?  The toothpick boat itself is constructed by two close friends, Bo (Philip Charles MacKenzie) and Sam (Michael Tucci).  Of course, when Bo and Sam deliver the gift to the cruise, they end up breaking it in half.  As a result, they stowaway on the ship so that they can rebuild the toothpick boat.  And they do rebuild it!  But then they break it again so, with hours to go until the Captain’s party, they again have to rebuild it.  When they deliver the boat the captain’s party, they discover that every member of the crew has given Stubing some sort of miniature boat.  Stubing is not particularly excited about the toothpick boat until he hears the sound of something ticking inside of it.  Yes, that’s right, Sam’s watch fell off while they were rebuilding the boat.  Stubing smashes the toothpick boat and is overjoyed to discover a watch, one that is inscribed with a touching message about friendship.  Bo promises to get Sam a new watch.

This storyline was …. well, to say it was frustrating is perhaps putting it a little bit too lightly.  Seriously, it never made any sense.  Why, if the Captain keeps telling you that he desperately needs a new watch, would you buy him a toothpick boat instead?  And why, with something that fragile, would you not wrap it up or find some other way to protect it before trying to carry it onto the cruise?  Every time that fake boat got destroyed, I wanted to throw something at the TV.

As for the other storylines….

Julie develops a crush on an older passenger named Walter (Paul Burke) while a younger passenger named Bobby Trymon (Patrick Labyorteaux) develops a crush on Julie.  Julie wants to spend all of her time dancing with Walter but she also has to try to let teenage Bobby down gently.  Eventually, Julie tells Bobby that he’s too young for her and then Walter explains that he’s too old for Julie.  So, everyone ends up miserable.

While that’s going on, publisher Hank Hardaway (Leslie Nielsen) is shocked to discover that his arch nemesis, union leader Monica Cross (Arlene Dahl) is on the cruise!  Hank’s daughter, Diana (Ellen Bry), thinks that Monica has a point about protecting the working man while Monica’s son, Jeff (Mark Shera), thinks that Hank has a point about working hard and pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps.  Eventually, Diana falls for Jeff and Hank falls for Monica and the four of them prove that you can love someone even if you disagree with their politics.  This storyline was simple and silly but, to be honest, kind of charming.  Nielsen, who still in the “serious actor” phase of his career when he did this episode, seemed a bit more relaxed than usual and Ellen Bry and Mark Shera had a likable chemistry.  Simple as this story may have been, it was kind of what the episode needed to counterbalance all the toothpick boat nonsense.

This cruise was a mixed bag.  At least the Captain got a watch.