Kimberly Warren | Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, the entire police force is worthless.

Episode 4.11 “Broken Dreams”

(Dir by Scott Lautanen, originally aired on December 6th, 1988)

While pursuing a pure snatcher, Cory accidentally runs over the victim on her bicycle. I know that probably sounds like a joke but that’s actually how this episode begins. It turns out that the victim is deaf and couldn’t hear Cory screeching at her to get out of the way. It turns out that Monica knows sign language. When Cory demands to know why Monica knows how to sign, Monica refuses to tell her.

(And really, it’s none of Cory’s business.)

Cory and a reluctant Monica investigate a series of robberies that have targeted deaf beggars on the pier. Cory learns that there is an entire deaf community that simply wants the hearing world to leave them alone. (Cory apparently doesn’t get out much.) Monica eventually admits that her mother is deaf and Cory eventually admits that Monica can be a good cop when she tries. That’s nice of Cory to finally since that was already established during Monica’s first episode. One gets the feeling that the show’s writers weren’t really sure what to do with Monica as a character. She started out as a badass undercover cop and then was quickly transformed into an emotionally unstable, selfish bicycle cop.

While Cory and Monica learn to work together, Bobby finds himself temporarily transferred to the horse patrol. (A member of the horse patrol is also reassigned to ride a bicycle.) Why exactly anyone thought this was a good idea, I don’t know. It turns out that Bobby can’t ride a horse to save his life. His supervisor thinks that’s hilarious but you have to wonder how many crimes are being committed while all the cops are standing around and laughing at Bobby?

Bobby and TC spend most of this episode trying to catch two kids who keep shooting off a potato cannon. They never really catch them, largely because Bobby can’t control his horses. Instead, the kids knock themselves out when they blow up a watermelon. Their reign of terror is ended but it’s not really because of anything done by the members of Pacific Blue. The kids themselves just go too ambitious.

The theme of this episode was that every cop was extremely incompetent. I’ve never been a “defund the police” person but, in this case, I doubt it would make much difference. Defund Pacific Blue!

Blast opens with a title card telling us that what we’re about to see is based on a true story except that it’s not. In the days leading up to the 1996 Atlanta Olympics, the FBI thwarted many potential terrorist plots. Only one of the plots was a domestic terror plot. Blast is the story of what would have happened if that plot had not been disrupted.

(What about Eric Rudolph and the Olympic Park bombing? That’s not mentioned, probably because this film went into production before the Atlanta Olympics actually began.)

Omodo (Andrew Divoff of Wishmaster fame) is a terrorist who does evil things because he’s evil. He and his group have taken the American Olympic swim team and their coach, Diane Colton (Kimberly Warren), hostage in an Atlanta gym. They’re demanding money and an opportunity to escape. The police (led by Tim Thomerson) don’t know what to do. The FBI (represented by Rutger Hauer with braided hair) are not much help either. Fortunately, the gym’s janitor, Jack Bryant (Linden Ashby), is a former Olympic gymnast who is a master of Tae Kwon Do! Jack also happens to be Diane’s ex-husband!

Blast comes from us the time when every action movie was a blatant rip-off of Die Hard and we were all cool with that because Die Hard was so awesome that it deserved to be remade a thousand times. Blast is more of the usual. Jack sneaks around the facility, defuses bombs, and picks the terrorists off. Omodo kills two hostages in cold blood. Shannon Elizabeth of American Pie fame plays one of the hostages but she doesn’t get many lines beyond, “Help us!” Why does Rutger Hauer have his hair in braids? Because he was Rutger Hauer and everyone was probably so happy to have him on set for a few hours that they were willing to let him do whatever he wanted to do with his hair. Rutger Hauer only gets about five minutes of screentime but he makes the most of them.

Lindsen Ashby is convincing in the fight scenes but I think the movie would have been better if he had just been an ordinary janitor, instead of a Tae Kwon Do supstar who has fallen on hard times. That would have added some suspense to the story because, as it is, Jack is so obviously superior to his opponents that there’s never really any question as to whether or not he’s going to succeed. Andrew Divoff is a good actor but his villain isn’t given any good lines and the people working for him are all pretty bland. One of the best things about the first three Die Hard films was that the villains were just as interesting as the hero but the same cannot be said for Blast.

Blast is forgettable but still, five minutes of Rutger Hauer is better than no Rutger Hauer at all.