Still Life”

Posted on August 6, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, a man tells a terrible lie, Greer Garson can see the future, and Isaac is losing his hearing! Come aboard, we’re expecting you….

Episode 6.11 “The Tomorrow Lady/Father, Dear Father/Still Life”

(Dir by Richard A. Wells, originally aired on December 4th, 1992)

This episode of The Love Boat features one of the worst stories ever. Ken Miller (Lawrence Pressman) wants to date Sarah Curtis (Kim Darby). However, Sarah is on the cruise as a member of the Single Parents Group and, when Sarah first sees Ken, she assumes that Ken is a single father because he’s standing with Libby McDonald (played by the one-named Louanne), who is the daughter of Ken’s friend, Tom (Jim Stafford). So, Ken just decides to lie about being a father.

Eventually, Sarah finds out. When she notices that Libby is spending all of her time with Tom, the gig is up. Sarah, however, FORGIVES Ken and accepts his marriage proposal! (“Looks like I won’t be a member of Single Parents anymore….”) Lady, he lied to you about having a daughter! He recruited a little girl to pretend to be his daughter! THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO START A MARRIAGE!

The other two stories were better. One featured Greer Garson (in her final screen performance before retiring) as a woman who was a self-described “good guesser.” She met a struggling businessman (Howard Duff) who wanted to use her power to play the stock market but eventually, he fell in love with her for her and not her powers. Howard Duff’s character was not particularly likable but Greer Garson seemed to be having fun.

The other story featured Isaac struggling with a double ear infection and fearing that he would permanently lose his hearing. He didn’t, which is good considering that he’s the ship’s head bartender and he’s the guy who everyone comes to with their problems. (It always amuses me how a passenger will just automatically start talking to Isaac as if they’re best friends when they’ve only been on the boat for a couple of hours.) What made this story work, though, was the performance of Ted Lange. He was so believably scared of losing his hearing that you just wanted someone to hug him and reassure him that it would all be okay. When his hearing finally came back, I breathed a sigh of relief. Obviously, playing Isaac was probably not the most challenging roll of Ted Lange’s career. I mean, the man has played Othello! Still, Lange gave a really good and honest performance in this episode. He didn’t use the fact that he was acting on The Love Boat as an excuse to just coast.

This cruise …. it was kind of forgettable. Still, at least Ted Lange got a chance to shine!

Film Review: Any Which Way You Can (dir by Buddy Van Horn)

Posted on May 31, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

In this 1980 sequel to Every Which Way But Loose, Philo and his orangutan Clyde are still living next door to Orville (Geoffrey Lewis) and his mother (Ruth Gordon). Philo is still working as a truck driver but he’s becoming far better known as a bare-knuckles brawler. In fact, when another famous fighter named Jack Wilson (William Smith), moves to the area, everyone assumes that Jack wants to challenge Philo. It turns out that Jack’s actually a pretty nice guy. He and Philo become jogging buddies.

Remember Lynn Halsey-Taylor (Sondra Locke), the extremely self-centered singer who broke Philo’s heart in the first film? Well, she’s back and she’s changed her ways. When she and Philo meet in a bar, Lynn apologizes to him for her past behavior and soon, she and Philo are a couple again. Booo! Seriously, Eastwood and Locke somehow have even less chemistry here than they did in the first film. (Again, Locke and Eastwood were in a relationship at the time, which makes their total lack of chemistry even more interesting to consider.) Everyone in the film is surprisingly forgiving of Lynn, considering that she was portrayed as being nearly sociopathic in the previous film. Even Clyde seems to be happy to have her back. Of course, Clyde gets to have a romance of his own, with another orangutan. Clyde has sex with his partner while Philo and Lynne fool around in the room next door. It’s …. kind of weird.

Anyway, the Mafia really wants Philo and Jack to fight so they decide to kidnap Lynn in order to force the fight to happen. Instead, Jack and Philo team up to rescue Lynn and to put those gangsters in their place. That might sound dramatic but this film is very much a redneck comedy so these are probably the least intimidating mafia soldier that I’ve ever seen. Just as the previous film’s outlaw bikers (and they also make a return appearance in this film) were too buffoonish to be truly menacing, the same is true of the Mafia in this film.

In the end, Philo and Jack do have a fight but it’s under their own terms and, afterwards, they accompany each other to the hospital. It’s kind of a nice moment, really. Even after beating the hell out of each other and causing more than a few broken bones, Philo and Jack are still friends. It’s a nice touch that Jack was played by William Smith, who was a bit of a low-budget version of Clint Eastwood.

Indeed, with Geoffrey Lewis relegated to a supporting role and Sondra Locke abducted by the mafia, the friendship between Philo and Jack becomes the heart of the film and if there is really anything that makes this film memorable, it’s the scenes that Eastwood shares with William Smith. These two tough guys actors seem to have a natural understanding of each other and their friendship and mutual respect feels real. They may fight but it’s only out respect for each other. It’s a shame that Eastwood and Smith didn’t team up for more films.

Any Which Way You Can is an amiable comedy. It’s not as much fun as Every Which Way But Loose. Beverly D’Angelo’s Echo is missed but she was presumably busy filming Coal Miner’s Daughter at the time. The film works best as a buddy movie. Clint Eastwood, William Smith, Geoffrey Lewis, and an orangutan. What a team!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.12 “Take a Letter, Vicki/The Floating Bridge Game/The Joy of Celibacy”

Posted on January 8, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Set sail for adventure, your mind on a new romance….

Episode 5.12 “Take a Letter, Vicki/The Floating Bridge Game/The Joy of Celibacy”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on December 12th, 1981)

Captain Stubing notices that Vicki seems to be depressed. He asks his crew if they have any idea what’s wrong with her.

Actually, he could have just asked me. Why is Vicki depressed? Maybe it’s because she’s a teenage girl who spends all of her time on a boat surrounded by people who are all at least twenty to thirty years older than her? Maybe it’s because she doesn’t have any friends her own age? Maybe it’s because Julie’s now too coked up to be the surrogate mother figure that she was during the previous two seasons? Seriously, there’s a lot reasons why Vicki might be depressed but they all have on solution. Let Vicki go to school on the mainland and allow her to have some friends her own age!

The crew, however, thinks that the Captain should just hire Vicki to be his secretary. Stubing agrees. Vicki is happy to have a job and she immediately does the exact same thing that I would do under those circumstances. She rearranges the captain’s entire office. The Captain can’t find anything but personally, I think his office does look better once everything has been straightened up. A messy office leads to a messy mind and, on a cruise ship, a messy mind can lead to a collision with an ice berg.

Vicki then issues a cheerful memo, telling all the members of the crew that they should give the Captain a daily run-down of their plans for the day. Again, I think that makes total sense. The crew, however, is outraged. The Captain is worried that Vicki is taking her position too seriously but he doesn’t know how to fire her. (When did Captain Stubing become a wimp? This is a weird episode.) The crew decides to give Vicki so much work that she’ll quite out of frustration but they discover that Vicki is determined to do a good job. No one knows what to do….

LET HER HAVE FRIENDS HER OWN AGE AND A NORMAL LIFE! THAT’S THE ONLY THING YOU HAVE TO DO!

Anyway, the overworked Vicki eventually falls asleep on the job. The Captain uses that as an excuse to fire her. Vicki smiles because she didn’t really enjoy the job in the first place. Usually, the relationship between the Captain and Vicki is one of the better elements of The Love Boat but this episode left me feeling really bad for Vicki. She’s really missing out on the best years of her life.

As for the other two stories, neither was very interesting. A bridge club made up of four widows takes the cruise and are shocked when one of them (played by Nanette Fabray) decides she would rather spend time with a handsome dentist (Robert Alda) than play bridge. My question here is why would you spend money to play bridge on a cruise while you could just play at home for free. If you’re on a cruise, enjoy the scenery! Don’t just play bridge. Meanwhile, Barry Styles (Jim Trent) pretended to be a big believer in celibacy in order to get “ice queen” Linda Trent (Carlee Watkins) to fall for him. Doc and Gopher made a bet on whether or not he would be successful. DOC! GOPHER! You two know you’re better than that!

This week’s cruise was just sad. The bridge club wasted a lot of money. Linda was the center of a misogynistic bet. Vicki is still going to be lonely and depressed next week. What a sad trip on The Love Boat.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 4.24 “Paquito’s Birthday/Technical Advisor”

Posted on May 7, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Almost the entire show is currently streaming on Daily Motion.

This week, season 4 comes to an end.

Episode 4.24 “Paquito’s Birthday/Technical Advisor”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on May 23rd, 1981)

This week, Tattoo is stunned to see Manuel (A Martinez) and Consuelo Lopez (Linda Cristal) get off the plane with their young son, Paquito (Anthony Trujillo). Tattoo immediately guesses that Mr. Roarke must have given them a special deal so they could come to the Island and he snaps that Roarke is too nice.

Roarke, never one to worry about being nice when it come to Tattoo, replies that young Paquito nearly died earlier in the year and now, Manuel and Consuelo are on the verge of losing their frame. Manual and Consuelo wanted to give Paquito a wonderful birthday party before they end up homeless. Take that, Tattoo!

Manuel’s wealthy relative, Dona Delores (Victoria Racimo), is also on the Island and Paqutio soon starts hanging out with her, despite Manuel resenting her for having money. Delores, who cannot have children of her own, has an idea. Maybe she could adopt Paquito and give him the life that Manuel and Consuelo never could. In return, she could help Manuel’s out with his money problems.

Don’t worry! Manuel and Conseulo don’t lose Paquito and they even get to stay on Fantasy Island. And it also turns out that Delores isn’t so bad after all. This is Fantasy Island and nothing bad has happened on Fantasy Island since that hunter died at the end of his fantasy. The ending is happy and the fantasy is ultimately pleasant and kind of forgettable. In the end, what I’ll always remember is that the voice of young Paquito was obviously dubbed by an adult woman trying to sound like a child. That was kind of weird.

Of course, it wasn’t as weird as the other fantasy.

Nancy Harvester (Randi Oakes) has spent the past few years of your life taking care of her terminally ill uncle. After her uncle passed, he left her a fantasy in his will. He wants Nancy to enjoy life and finally get a boyfriend. When Roarke informs Nancy why her uncle wanted his will to be read on Fantasy Island, Nancy replies that she’s never even been with a man and there’s no way she can make her uncle’s last fantasy come true. (Her uncle’s last fantasy was for his niece to lose her virginity? That is definitely kind of creepy….) Fortunately, Nancy’s childhood crush, Gene (Jim Stafford), is on the Island and Roarke summons a special friend to give Nancy advise.

Meet Helen of Troy (played by Jill St. John)!

Yes, the same Helen of Troy who inspired one of the bloodiest and most tragic wars in ancient history is the person that Mr. Roarke recruits to give advise to Nancy. I mean, was the mermaid busy? What about Aphrodite? Remember how Aphrodite lives on Fantasy Island? Couldn’t Mr. Roarke have asked them to help out?

Interestingly enough, the dialogue between Helen and Roarke indicate that they are lifelong friends, which would indicate that Mr. Roarke is several thousand years old. Helen also makes a few comments that suggest that she and Roarke were once quite close. Was Mr. Roarke involved in the war with Sparta? I wonder which side he was on.

But what about Nancy? Does Helen help out Nancy? Yes, of course she does. This is Fantasy Island so, of course, Nancy and Gene depart on the same plane.

All fantasies come true on Fantasy Island, which is one reason why the original show continues to be so loved. I would argue that the reason why the recent Fantasy Island reboot failed was because it complicated things by attempting to explore the lives of the people who lived and worked on the Island, as opposed to just focusing on fantasies with happy endings. For all the time that I’ve spent speculating about what the Island actually is and how it works, it ultimately doesn’t matter. No one cares how Fantasy Island works. All that matters is that it does.

So ends season 4 of Fantasy Island. It was a bit of an uneven season. The obvious hostility between Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize made more than a few scenes a bit awkward to watch. I miss the playfulness that defined their interactions during the earlier seasons. But still, the Island is lovely and it’s fun to imagine what it would be like to really go there.

Next week, Roarke and Tattoo are joined by a new helper as the fifth season begins!

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 1.8 “Lost and Found / The Understudy / Married Singles”

Posted on October 26, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Love exciting and new….

Come aboard! We’re expecting you!

Episode 1.8 “Lost and Found / The Understudy / Married Singles”

(Directed by Stuart Margolin, originally aired on November 19th, 1977)

This week’s cruise is all about secrets and lies.

For instance, Durwood Moss (Steve Allen) and Maisie Nolan (Polly Bergen) are currently separated and their therapist has suggested that they try taking separate vacations. Maisie books a cabin on the cruise so Durwood books the cabin next door. As Durwood explains it, being in separate cabins counts as being on separate vacations. Not letting anyone know that they’re married (albeit unhappily so), Durwood pursues Barbie (Loni Anderson) and Maisie flirts with Jack (Joshua Plymouth). Of course, Durwood and Maisie end up realizing that they’re still in love. Fortunately, Jack and Barbie also fall in love with each other!

Meanwhile, 8 year-old Theodore Denison, Jr. (James Bond III) lies and says that he has his parents’ permission to be on the cruise by himself. Of course, it turns out that he’s actually a runaway. On the cruise, he meets Sharon and Richard Baker (Sandy Duncan and Jim Stafford), a married couple that is struggling to come to terms with the death of their son. Sharon wants to adopt Theodore and Theodore wants to be adopted. But then Theodore’s real parents show up and apologize for the fight that caused Theodore to run away in the first place. Still, Sharon and Richard at least find the courage to try to move on from their tragedy.

Finally, Connie Evans (Jo Ann Harris) is an assistant cruise director who has been assigned to the ship. Julie (Lauren Tewes) is supposed to be training Connie but it soon becomes clear that, in typical All About Eve fashion, Connie is plotting to steal Julie’s job. Connie’s plan is … well, it’s interesting. She continually screws up the simplest of duties and then claims that she was only doing what Julie trained her to do. When she shows up for dinner in a skimpy outfit, she claims that it’s what Julie told her to wear. I guess the plan is to make Julie look like she’s bad at training people but just because someone isn’t good at training, that doesn’t mean that they’re bad at their overall job. In fact, it would seem that most people would look at Connie’s actions and say, “You should have had enough common sense to know better, even if that’s what Julie told you.” Anyway, it all works out, albeit somewhat bizarrely. The captain reprimands Connie. The crew hates Connie and goes out of its way to humiliate her. And yet, even after it become obvious that Connie has been trying to get her fired, Julie agrees to help Connie because she thinks Connie has the makings of being a great cruise director. Just how painfully nice is Julie?

This was not a bad episode. The stuff with Durwood and Maisie was a bit dull but the other two storylines worked. Sandy Duncan brought a lot of emotional sincerity to her plotline and Jo Ann Harris was hilariously conniving in the role of Connie. This episode was a cruise that I enjoyed.

Will I also enjoy the next cruise? Find out next week!