Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988. The show can be found on Hulu and, for purchase, on Prime!
It’s time to go under the knife in Boston.
Episode 1.16 “The Count”
(Dir by Kevin Hooks, originally aired March 8th, 1983)
Harold Beaumont (Michael Halsey), an adult film actor better known as The Count, has checked into St. Eligius. Of course, Dr. Samuels immediately recognizes him because Samuels is obsessed with porn. Dr. Annie Cavanero does not recognize him but, once she learns what he does for a living, she has to tell him that she finds his work to be offensive because Dr. Cavanero’s entire personality pretty much revolves around getting offended by stuff.
It’s not much of a plot. There’s a process server (William G. Schilling) who wants to serve the Count with a courts summons so Samuels and Cavanero help the Count hide and disguise his identity. It’s silly and dumb story that involves the two of the least likable members of the show’s regular cast.
Meanwhile, Dr. Wendy Armstrong (Kim Miyori) comes to suspect that one of the hospital’s heart surgeons, Dr. Larry Andrews (Peter Michael Goetz), is giving pacemakers to people who don’t actually need them. She takes her concerns to Dr. Craig. Craig, an old friend of Dr. Andrews, is initially dismissive but he later confronts Dr. Andrews and finds out that Armstrong was correct. Dr. Andrews explains that it takes a lot of money to fund his lifestyle. This story was an improvement over the Count but it perhaps would have had more power if it had been someone like Dr. Ehrlich who suspected that Dr. Andrews was giving people pacemakers that they don’t need. Ehrlich actually has a complicated relationship with Dr. Craig and his own less-than-stellar record as a resident would have added some ambiguity to storyline. Dr. Armstrong, on the other hand, has been portrayed as being hypercompetent and a bit self-righteous and, if we’re going to be honest, she’s kind of a boring character.
Speaking of Dr. Ehrlich, he is getting fed up with living with Fiscus. Howie Mandel is driving someone crazy? Who could have seen that coming?
This week’s episode was pretty forgettable. The story involving Dr. Andrews had potential but choosing to make the show’s least interesting characters the center of an entire episode was a decision that really didn’t pay off.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988. The show can be found on Hulu and, for purchase, on Prime!
It’s another day at the hospital.
Episode 1.14 “Remission”
(Dir by Mark Tinker, originally aired on February 22nd, 1983)
A young Michael Madsen pops up in this episode, playing a hoodlum named Mike O’Connor who brings his severely beaten friend to the hospital. This was Madsen’s first role on television and, in his very first scene and while delivering his very first televised monologue, he drops the N-word as he accuses a group of black men of beating up his friend. Dr. Morrison is worried about whether or not Madsen’s friend is going to lose a kidney. Meanwhile, race relations in Boston are not doing well. What else is new?
(I remember, after the shooting of Michael Brown in Ferguson, there was a commentator who thought he was being clever when he said, “I don’t understand why blacks stay in the South when they could just move to Boston.” The response to his comments served as a reminder that Boston’s history of racism makes some Southern cities seem almost progressive by comparison.)
It’s interesting that Michael Madsen is the second well-known actor to appear on St. Elsewhere as a gang member. Just a few episodes ago, Howie Mandel was chasing Ray Liotta out of the hospital. This particular episode ended with a fight breaking out in the ER between a white gang and a black gang. I assume this will be continued next week so I guess we still have time to see Howie Mandel pull a gun on Michael Madsen. Seriously, it better happen. I’m plotting the upcoming week around it.
Speaking of Dr. Fiscus, he got evicted from his apartment. He was shocked, even though he hadn’t paid his rent in forever. No one wants Fiscus to stay with them but, after Fiscus saved Dr. Ehrlich from getting beaten up in the ER (and no, this was not a part of the gang fight, instead it was a different fight — goldang, Boston’s dangerous! And yes, I gave up cursing for Lent), Ehrlich agrees to let Fiscus stay with him until he gets a new place. I imagine Ehrlich will come to regret that, especially after Fiscus showed up with Dr. Kochar and a homeless guy who had earlier helped them steer a truck out of a traffic jam. What? Don’t ask, it didn’t make much sense on the show either.
Dr. Cavenero has been nominated for a prestigious fellowship by Dr. Auschlander but she’s not sure if she should accept it because the fellowship would be for research and she’s not sure that’s what she wants to focus on. Auschlander has bigger issues to deal with, as he ends up collapsing in the hospital hallway, a result of his liver cancer. The irony that Auschlander, a liver specialist, is dying of liver cancer is not lost on Auschlander and Norman Lloyd did a wonderful job in this episode, portraying not only Auschlander’s frustration but also his gentle humor.
Also, a woman was walking around the hospital and flashing people. She said it was because she wanted to show off that, even in middle age, she still had a good body. That makes sense to me. Played by Janis Page, she was somehow who was fine for a one episode storyline but I’m going to scream if this becomes a multi-episode thing, like it did with Ralph the Birdman.
This was a good episode, even if I get the feeling the whole gang thing is going to be cringey in the way that most 80s television shows tended to be whenever they tried to take on race relations. Norman Lloyd’s heartfelt performance carried the hour. I’m hoping the best for Dr. Auschlander. He’s a character that I would hate to lose.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988. The show can be found on Hulu and, for purchase, on Prime!
This week, Dr. Ehrlich faints!
Episode 1.9 “Hearts”
(Dir by Mark Tinker, originally aired on January 11th, 1983)
Ralph, the guy who thinks that he’s a bird, is now running around the hospital and checking in on patients and signing his name as “Dr. Bullfinch.” I guess it says something about how big St. Elgius is that Dr. Chandler spends most of this episode asking people if they’ve ever heard of or met Dr. Bullfinch. The show plays this for humor. There’s only two problems.
First off, we’ve already done the fake doctor thing. Dr. Craig spent three episodes searching for Dr. Barnum, the fictional doctor who Mark thought was interested in buying his car. Since Chandler was a part of that whole practical joke, it surprised me that it didn’t occur to him that maybe Dr. Bullfinch also didn’t exist.
Secondly, Ralph is one of those character who was amusing at first but, after episode-after-episode of him disrupting the hospital and making the patients uncomfortable, I can’t help but feel that it’s time for Ralph to at least try to fly off into the sunset, even if it leads to him crashing to the pavement below. Dr. Westphall tells Dr. Beale to keep Ralph locked up in the psych ward or else Westphall will send Ralph to a mental hospital. I think Westphall should have just gone for it. I mean, does Westphall not realize the legal jeopardy that the hospital is now in because of Ralph’s continued presence?
While that was going on, an overweight woman (Conchata Ferrell) checked into the hospital with stomach pains and was shocked to discover that she was pregnant and going into labor. This was a heartbreaking story, largely due to the wonderful performance of Conchata Ferrell. No one — from her father to the nurses at the hospital — has ever treated her with any sort of compassion. In the end, she checks out of the hospital and abandons her baby in the maternity ward.
A new doctor (Dorothy Fielding) came to work at St. Eligius and — hey! — she has a romantic history with Dr. Samuels. *Yawn* Samuels is the most boring character on the show and I tuned out this storyline as soon as I realized he was going to be at the center of it.
Newly separated from his wife, Dr. White is having a nervous breakdown and has to abandon a patient so that he can cry in the stairwell. Dr. Westphall offers him some heartfelt advice but you can tell that Westphall thinks that White doesn’t have what it takes to be a doctor. I think Westphall is right.
Finally, an ill Dr. Erhlich tries to get out of assisting Dr. Craig with an operation. Craig tells Erhlich to man up. Erhlich faints during the operation. Surprisingly, Dr. Craig is not angry with Ehrlich because, as he explains it, the important thing is that the operation was a success. Seeing how sick Ehrlich has become, Craig tells Ehrlich to go home and get some rest.
“Do you have a car?” Dr. Craig asks.
“No, I usually ride the bus,” Ehrlich replies.
“Good,” Craig says, “you shouldn’t be driving in your condition.”
And I have to admit that exchange made me laugh. William Daniels gives such a good performance as the arrogant yet talented Dr. Craig that you can’t help but love the guy, no matter how much of a jerk he is. After knowing him best as the always compassionate Mr. Feeney on Boy Meets World, it’s been interesting to watch William Daniels play a character as thoroughly self-centered and vain as Dr. Craig. On the drama St. Elsewhere, William Daniels often provides some much-needed comedic relief. On the (very silly) sitcom Boy Meets World, Daniels was the dramatic relief. It’s a strange world.
This episode had a few too many plotlines that I either didn’t care about or which felt a bit played out (like Ralph the Birdman). It wasn’t St. Elsewhere at its best but William Daniels and Conchata Ferrell still saved the episode.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988. The show can be found on Hulu!
This week, the hospital’s in chaos!
Episode 1.7 “Legionnaires: Part Two”
(Dir by Mark Tinker, originally aired on December 14th, 1982)
With one of the wards shut down due to a Legionnaires outbreak, the hospital is in crisis. All of the patients from the infected ward and their doctors have been moved to a new floor and now, everyone is stressed and overworked. Dr. Westphall insists to the Hospital Board that he has no regrets about shutting down the ward and that he did what he had to do. Westphall is vindicated when it turns out that he was correct about the Legionnaires outbreak but he still has to admit that administrator H.J. Cummings (Christopher Guest) has a point about Westphall’s actions causing a panic. Cummings argues that Westphall could have quietly closed the ward without alerting the media. In the end, it doesn’t matter as Cummings explains that he’ll be the one who gets fired over the bad publicity, not Westphall. The episode ends with Westphall returning to his small home, carrying the birthday present that he was supposed to give his son that day. Westphall has dedicated his life to the hospital and it’s obvious that his family has often had to wait until he has time for them.
(I’m starting to understand why Westphall always seems so damn depressed.)
Some people take advantage of the chaos. Two gang members (one of whom is played by a very young Robert Davi) hit Fiscus over the head and steal his wallet after Fiscus stitches up one of their hands. Peter White, eager to get away from his troubled marriage, shows up to work Morrison’s shift for him. Dr. Chandler glares at a nurse that he previously accused of unprofessional behavior. Dr. Craig tries to find someone foolish enough to buy his old convertible from him. And head nurse Helen Rosenthal finds herself being called over and over again to the room of patient Martha Mulvahey (Ann Bronston).
Poor Martha! She has a reputation for being a problem patient, because she’s always calling for the nurses and asking them to do things for her, like wash her hair or raise her bed. Only Helen is willing to put up with Martha but even Helen loses her temper when Martha asks for help putting on her makeup. Finally, Martha breaks down and explains that her arthritis is so severe that she can barely move her hands. She’s a librarian and she can’t even turn the pages of a book anymore. (Excuse me, I think I have something in my eye….) A friend is coming to visit her at the hospital and she just wants to look good for him because she doesn’t want him to remember her as someone who can’t even get out of a hospital bed. Helen helps Martha put on her makeup. At the end of the episode, the hospital may be in chaos but Martha gets to see her friend and that made me happy and brought even more tears to my eyes.
Meanwhile, psychiatric patient Jane Zontell (Laraine Newman) returns to the hospital and checks herself back in for treatment. Dr. Beale (G.W. Bailey) is shocked to learn that Jane is three months pregnant. But it’s only been two months since Jane was last a patient at St. Eligius so that father must be someone at the hospital. Uh-oh.
(Personally, I suspect Fiscus.)
This was a good episode. I cried for Martha. I felt bad for Westphall. I hope someone buys Dr. Craig’s car so he’ll stop bothering everyone else about it. This episode was about how bad things can get at a hospital but, with Martha and Rosenthal, it offered up some hope as well. All in all, it worked.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988. The show can be found on Hulu!
This week, William Daniels claims the show as his own.
Episode 1.2 “Bypass”
(Dir by Thomas Carter, originally aired on November 9th, 1982)
“Hey, it’s Tim Robbins!”
Yes, the future Oscar winner shows up in the second episode of St. Elsewhere, playing a rich kid-turned-terrorist named Andrew Reinhardt. Reinhardt, who no doubt learned all about Marxism during his first semester away at college, set off a bomb in a bank, killing two people and putting a woman named Kathleen McCallister into a coma. Both Reihnhardt and McCallister have been brought to St. Eligius. While Kathleen’s husband, Stephen (Jack Bannon), sobs in the hallway, Reinhardt acts like a petulant brat in his hospital room.
With the nurses refusing to change his sheets or even give him his morphine shots, it falls to Dr. Morrison to take care of him. Reinhardt is not at all appreciative and Morrison finds himself conflicted. How is he supposed to give proper medical treatment to someone who he despises? Morrison is so conflicted that he even goes to Dr. Westphall. Westphall responds by telling a long story about a time that he fell in love with a patient. I’m getting the feeling that Morrison feeling conflicted and Westphall telling long stories are both going to be regular features on this show.
(The correct answer to Morrison’s question about how he can take care of a bad person is as follows: It’s your job and you’re getting paid to do it.)
This episode also gave the viewer a chance to get to know Dr. Craig, the very talented but very egotistical head of surgery who is played by the great William Daniels. Dr. Craig holds a press conference to inform reporters about the conditions of both Reinhardt and Kathleen McCallister and declares that, despite its bad reputation, “St. Eligius is the place to be!” He then proceeds to get angry when the press is more interested in talking to the surgeon who actually saved Kathleen’s life than to him.
Dr. Craig browbeats a Mr. Broadwater (Robert Costanzo) into getting bypass surgery done. The surgery appears to have been a success but it’s hard to ignore that Craig essentially bullied the guy into getting a major operation, one that could have killed him if the least little thing had gone wrong. Resident Victor Ehrlich (Ed Begley, Jr.) assists in the operation and, at one point, Dr. Craig intentionally head butts him when Ehrlich cannot name all of the arteries leading into the heart. It’s a bit aggressive but, on the plus side, Ehrlich does learn all of the names. Afterwards, Dr. Craig brags about how his own son is following in his footsteps and tells Mr. Broadwater’s son that some day, a new Dr. Craig will operate on him. In other words, Dr. Craig is kind of a jerk but he’s good at what he does and he’s played by William Daniels so it’s hard to hold anything against him.
There were other subplots playing out in the background, the majority of which just seemed to be there to remind us that St. Elsewhere is an ensemble show and that, just because someone isn’t a major character in this episode, that doesn’t mean they won’t be important later on. Psychiatrist Hugh Beale (G.W. Bailey) attempted to learn how to swim and ended up taking a class with a bunch of children. Dr. Fiscus (Howie Mandel, the least convincing doctor ever) held court in the cafeteria and claimed that the hormones used in processing food were causing children to develop earlier than ever before. Dr. Peter White (Terrence Knox) wandered around with a bunch of X-rays and begged everyone he met to help him understand what he was (or wasn’t) seeing. If nothing else, this episode did a good job of capturing the idea of the hospital as being a place that’s always busy.
For the most part, though, it was Dr. Craig who carried this episode. While Morrison and Westphall ponderously considered the implications of doing their jobs, Craig was an arrogant, angry, and brilliant dynamo and William Daniels’s high-energy performance was a pleasure to watch. Whenever the episode started to slow down, Dr. Craig would liven things up by yelling at someone. The hospital was lucky to have Dr. Craig and St. Elsewhere was lucky to have William Daniels.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988. The show can be found on Hulu!
When I started reviewing Homicide, Jeff suggested that I should also review St. Elsewhere because the two shows shared a similar sensibility and a lot of behind-the-scenes personnel. (Homicide showrunner Tom Fontana started out as a writer on St. Elsewhere.) Apparently. a few characters from St. Elsewhere would eventually cross-over to Homicide. Since I’m planning on soon reviewing two shows that were descended from Homicide — Oz and The Wire — it only seemed right to also review a show that was Homicide’s ancestor.
Though the show aired largely before my time, St. Elsewhere is definitely a show that I have heard about. Everyone who follows American pop culture has either read about or seen the show’s infamous final episode and knows about the Tommy Westphall Universe Hypothesis. Obviously, I can’t get into it now because that would be a spoiler but we’ll discuss it when the time comes!
For now, let’s start at the beginning, with the pilot!
Episode 1.1 “Pilot”
(Dir by Thomas Carter, originally aired on October 26th, 1982)
St. Eligius is a hospital in Boston that has obviously seen better days. From the outside, it looks old. On the inside, the hallways have the dim and dull look of a building that hasn’t been renovated in over ten years. As Dr. Mark Craig (William Daniels, long before he played Mr. Feeney on Boy Meets World) angrily puts it, the hospital gets no respect in Boston. It’s seen as being a “dumping ground” for patients who can’t afford anything better. Dr. Craig is world-renowned heart surgeon whose wealthy patients have donated what few improvements the hospital has seen over the past few years. (“All of our clocks now read the same time!” Dr. Craig brags at one point.) But not even Dr. Craig can change the hospital’s reputation as being secondary to Boston General.
There are actually a few good things about St. Eligius. For one thing, a young Denzel Washington is on staff, playing resident Phillip Chandler. Denzel doesn’t get to do much in the pilot but still, his presence fills the viewer with confidence. St. Eligius is also home to a world-renowned liver specialist, Dr. Daniel Auschlander (played by Norman Lloyd, who also worked with Hitchcock and Orson Welles). Auschlander has liver cancer but the hospital chief-of-staff, Dr. Donald Westphall (Ed Flanders), assures everyone that Auschlander will probably “out live us all.” (And he was right, to an extent. Norman Lloyd lived to be 106 years old before passing away in 2021. Ed Flanders died, tragically by suicide, in 1995.) St. Eligius is a teaching hospital and the residents want to make a good impression by keeping their patients alive. That’s always a good thing.
At the same time, how secure can you feel when Howie Mandel is one of the residents? Mandel plays Dr. Wayne Fiscus, who wears a baseball cap and acts …. well, he acts a lot like Howie Mandel. Like Washington, Mandel doesn’t do a lot in the pilot. He does get a subplot where he apparently has sex in the morgue with goth pathologist Cathy Martin (Barbara Whinnery) but otherwise, we don’t see him treating a patient or anything like that. Still, it’s a bit jarring to see Howie Mandel as a doctor. I would not necessarily want him for my doctor because he’s to be easily distracted. Maybe he’ll change my mind as the series progresses.
Speaking of sex, Dr. Ben Samuels (David Birney) has gonorrhea and spends most of the pilot approaching doctors and nurses and informing them of his conditions and suggesting that they might want to get tested themselves. That’s not exactly the best way to be introduced to a character but it also lets us know that this show is not just going to be about dedicated doctors who spend all of their time worrying about their patients and making amazing medical discoveries. Instead, this show is also about doctors who get venereal diseases. Has anyone checked on Fiscus in the morgue?
(That said, Dr. Samuels does get a scene where he saves the life of a woman who was injured in a terrorist bombing, as if the show does want to make sure that we know that he can do his job, even if he is spreading VD through the hospital.)
The majority of the episode follows Dr. Jack Morrison (David Morse), a first-year resident who has been working several 24-hour shifts and who complains, at one point, that he hasn’t seen his wife for days. Dr. Morrison gets upset when a surgeon wants to operate on one of his patients, a 15 year-old girl named Sandy (Heather McAdams). Morrison believes that surgeons always want to cut into somebody. Morrison gets even more upset when Sandy’s mother requests that Sandy be transferred to Boston General, which has a reputation for being a better, more modern hospital. In fact, Morrison is so upset and exhausted that he forgets to file a death certificate for a patient who dies during the night. As a result, it’s believed that the patient, who has a reputation for being violent, has gone missing and is stalking the hospital. Dr. Annie Cavanero (Cynthia Sikes) spends the entire episode looking for a dead man, which at least gives her an excuse to visit every ward and introduce the viewers to the members of the show’s ensemble cast.
Having lost my mom to cancer and now my Dad to Parkinson’s, I was hesitant about reviewing St. Elsewhere. (Actually, I was hesitant about reviewing any medical show.) When my Dad was in the hospital, I felt like I couldn’t get anyone to give me a straight answer about his condition and I often felt the doctors were talking down to me. To be honest, my worst conflicts were with the nurses, one of whom told me that I would have to “lose the attitude” before she would explain why my father had been moved to the Delirium Ward. (It didn’t help that, at the same time my Dad was in the hospital, there was a huge storm that left us without power for a week.) At the same time, there were other doctors who were helpful. The staff at the rehab center that my dad was sent to were also wonderful. I have my regrets about agreeing to hospice care but the nurse who was assigned to my Dad was very empathetic and totally understanding whenever I asked her for a cigarette. (Under normal circumstances, I don’t smoke because I have asthma but seriously, the stress was killing me.) I’m bitter and angry about a lot of what happened but I’m also thankful for the small moments of kindness.
Watching a show set in a hospital was not easy for me but the pilot of St. Elsewhere appealed to me with its mix of melodrama and humor. There was a quirkiness to it that I appreciated. William Daniels made me laugh with his annoyed rant about how little respect the hospital received. Most of all, I cared about whether or not Dr. Morrison would still be alive at the end of his shift. David Morse’s performance won me over. He’s the type of doctor that I would want to have. Well, actually, I’d probably want Denzel to my doctor but Dr, Morrison could assist. Just keep Dr. Howie Mandel away from me. Nothing against him but he seemed to be having way too much fun at the hospital….
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!
This week, the city guys finally leave the city for a while. Drama follows.
Episode 4.24 “El-Brain”
(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on December 16th, 2000)
On Wikipedia, this episode’s plot is described as follows: “El-Train enters the Science Fair to prove that he’s smarter than everyone, including Jamal, who thinks he isn’t.” Unfortunately, this is one of the episodes that is not streaming anywhere online so I haven’t been able to watch it. Interestingly. the title of this episode would seem to indicated that I’ve been referring to L-Train by the wrong name all this time.
Well, he’ll always be L-Train to me. And I hope he did well at the science fair. I’m also going to assume that Jamal learned a lesson about judging people.
Episode 4.25 “Pier Pressure”
(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on December 16th, 2000)
Chris has got access to his father’s vacation home for the weekend so the kids are going to the Hamptons!
Everyone is super excited about the idea of going out on Chris’s father’s yacht. The only problem is that the yacht’s captain has called in sick. Fortunately, Chris knows how to sail. He, Cassidy, Dawn, and Al take the yacht out for a spin. As you can probably guess, this leads to one disaster after another. First off, Al forgets to pack the food because he’s tired of Dawn trying to micromanage his life. Secondly, Chris and Al turn out to be not quite the expert fishermen that they claimed to be. Third, after turning off the engine, Chris can’t figure out how to drop the anchor. Fourth, the boat floats until it hits a sandbar. Fifth, the boat runs out of gas. Sixth, the boat runs out of power. Seventh, Al announces that everyone is going to starve to death. That does seem like a distinct possibility but at least they’ll get to experience a little bit of the yacht life before they die. Plus, if they die, the show will be over and I can start watching something better.
Meanwhile, Jamal and L-Train invite two women up to the house, which they now claim to own. The women make themselves comfortable in the living room. Suddenly, Ms. Noble and Billy show up! What are they doing there!? It turns out that they’re spending the weekend at the Hamptons as well and they just decided to stop by. Seriously, school’s out. It’s the weekend! No one wants to see their principal on the weekend! And really, I am kind of suspicious of any principal who would decide to just drop in on their students during they’re own vacation. That’s weird.
Fortunately, it all works out in the end. Jamal suddenly notices that Chris, Al, Dawn, and Cassidy haven’t come home. The coast guard is called. Everyone lives! Yay! This is the type of episode that I can’t stand, where every problem is the result of people just being unbelievably stupid. But at least it only lasted 30 minutes or so.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, one season ends and another begins. Will City Guys never end!?
Episode 3.25 “Mom on the Rocks”
(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on June 10th, 2000)
The third season comes to an end with …. mid-terms!
Mid-terms? Does school never end in the world of City Guys!? Is there no summer in New York City? Still, Ms. Noble assures everyone that they’ll be fine if “you’ve kept up with the school work.” I’m not sure how they’re supposed to keep up with anything when Ms. Noble is constantly giving them community service assignments but whatever. Someday, these students will graduate and discover that none of them have the slightest idea how to live without Ms. Noble telling them what to do.
Dawn is directing the school’s ballet (which is called, I kid you not, Cinderella In The Hood) and she needs an extra dancer. L-Train volunteers (“Can I get jiggy with it?”) and this, of course, leads to a lot of “Oh my God, a man is wearing tights” jokes. Jamal and Al also volunteer to work crew, mostly so they can hit on the dancers. (From my experience, this was actually a pretty accurate reflection of what the crew usually did during high school dance performances. Of course, it was also my experience that the stage crew tended to get in the way and no one would be caught dead checking any of them out.) Isn’t Al dating Dawn? I guess this is another case of NBC showing the episodes out-of-order. Anyway, if you couldn’t guess that two dancers are going to end up with broken toes and Jamal and Al are going to end up having to replace them, then you obviously didn’t see the episode of Saved By The Bell where Zack discovered he was one credit short of graduating.
(Of course, the dance is being performed on the roof of the school! How is that even practical? Does Manny High not have an auditorium?)
Dawn has more problems than just the fact that she’s apparently not a very good ballet director. She’s also agreed to tutor Chris and Cassidy on Biology but when they show up at Dawn’s house, they discover that Dawn’s mother (Jennifer Savidge) is an alcoholic! The next day, at school, Cassidy shows Chris all of the AA and Al-anon pamphlets that she’s spent the night collecting. Chris suggests that maybe they should stay out of it. “We have to do something!” Cassidy exclaims. Why, Cassidy? Why do you have to do something? It’s not your problem. To me, this is more evidence of the influence of Ms. Noble. Sometimes, the best thing to do is to leave people alone and let them deal with things on their own schedule.
Anyway, just as you probably guessed that Al and Jamal were going to end up wearing tights, you probably also guessed that Dawn’s mother is going to show up for the performance drunk. Dawn gets embarrassed but luckily Ms. Noble is there to tell Dawn that she shouldn’t have tried to hide her mother’s problem in the first place. Wait? What? Go away, Ms. Noble. Seriously, what was Dawn supposed to do? Walk into school and tell everyone that her mother was an alcoholic? Add to that, this is season 3 of this dumbass show. After three years of Dawn relentlessly pushing herself to always be the best and basically having a panic attack over the least little thing, how did it never occur to anyone that maybe Dawn had issues at home? It’s not Dawn’s responsibility to tell anyone. If anything, it seems like everyone else failed in their responsibilities towards her.
Ms. Noble also mentions that Cassidy and Chris got Dawn’s mother some coffee. Dawn’s mother then shows up, magically sober, and says that she’s willing to go to AA. Screw AA. It looks like all she needs is coffee!
This episode was cringe city. Let’s move on to the fourth season.
Episode 4.1 “Kickin’ It”
(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on September 23rd, 2000)
The fourth season begins with the school year already in swing. Al is a star soccer player and….
Wait. Let me re-read that to make sure I didn’t get that wrong.
Since when — in all of the episodes that have preceded this one — has Al ever shown any athletic ability? Then again, the show randomly turned Jamal into a baseball superstar so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that Al is suddenly New York’s best teenage soccer player. Unfortunately, Al is so good at soccer that his coach encourages him to focus more on playing than studying. Fortunately, Ms. Noble catches him and L-Train giving a weakass oral report on Abraham Lincoln and she not only tells Al to get himself together but that he’s getting an F on his report. (L-Train, meanwhile, is just an innocent bystander who also gets an F because he was unlucky enough to be partnered with Al.) Al realizes that he needs to do better in school so he tells the coach not to give him any more special treatment. (That would definitely happen, as teenagers are notorious for refusing special treatment.)
Meanwhile, Ms. Noble wants to lose some weight because her high school reunion is coming up and she is looking forward to seeing an old boyfriend. Cassie, Chris, and Jamal make it their duty to help Ms. Noble get in shape. Cassie is so excited when she hears that Noble want to impress a man. Uh, kids — WHY DO YOU CARE!? SHE’S YOUR PRINCIPAL! NO ONE CARES ABOUT THEIR PRINCIPAL! And, seriously, doesn’t Ms. Noble ever get tired of having to share every aspect of her personal life with her students?
Anyway, the kids decide to crash Ms. Noble’s high school reunion so that they can tell her ex-boyfriend about all the success that Ms. Noble has had in her life since she was in high school and …. actually, you know what? This is too stupid to even detail. I mean, the reunion is held on the freaking roof of Manny High, for God’s sake. This is such a dumb show and I’ve still got 51 more episodes left to review. So, I’ll just wrap things up that Ms. Noble and her boyfriend head off to the auditorium, where I assume they’re going to spend the entire reunion having nostalgia sex. As a result, we now know that this school has an auditorium and there’s absolutely no reason why everything has to be done on the roof.
As for next week’s episodes, I’m sure something will happen that will annoy me.
Through the Shattered Lens 