Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 4.18 “The Searcher/The Way We Weren’t”

Posted on March 26, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Almost the entire show is currently streaming on Daily Motion.

Oh my God, this week’s episode….

Episode 4.18 “The Searcher/The Way We Weren’t”

(Dir by Leslie H. Martinson, originally aired on March 7th, 1981)

This week’s episode was just silly and it’s going to be a struggle to even come up with the usual 500 words to say about it.

Fred Cooper (Jerry Van Dyke) is worried that married life is losing its spark so he wants to relive the early days of his marriage to Dottie (Laraine Stephens). After going through a magic time travel cloud, Fred and Dottie find themselves living in their old house, which they share with Fred’s aunt. Their neighbors are Vic (Jack Carter) and Myra Fletcher (Dawn Wells). Vic is Fred’s boss. He and Myra are also swingers! Apparently, Fred forgot about that but I have to wonder how anyone would forget that? Anyway, Vic offers Fred a promotion but only if Fred will allow Vic to sleep with Dottie. Fred responds by punching Vic out while Vic is hosting a Swingers Convention on Fantasy Island. (Tattoo must have been very happy this week.) Vic realizes that he was in the wrong and Fred still gets his promotion. But is it a real promotion or just a fantasy promotion? Seriously, what the Hell is going on here?

Meanwhile, young heiress Karen Saunders-Holmes (Laurette Spang) comes to the island with her husband, Brian (James Darren). Brian thinks that they’re just on their honeymoon but Karen actually has a fantasy. She wants to be reunited with her father, a man named Noah who supposedly abandoned her when she was an infant and whom she has never met. Mr. Roarke arranges for Noah (Paul Burke) to be released from prison for the weekend and….

PRISON!? Yep, Noah is a convicted murderer and has spent the last two decades in a prison camp. Noah claims that he was innocent of the crime. Anyway, Mr. Roarke introduces Noah to Karen and Brian and says that Noah will be their guide on the Island….

Brian freaks out! It turns out that Brian is actually the man who Noah was framed for murdering. Brian went off and got plastic surgery after faking his own murder, which is why Noah doesn’t recognize him. But Noah soon learns the truth when Brian tricks him into entering a bog of quicksand!

Does Noah survive the quicksand? He does but we’re never told how. Does Brian then freak out and run into the quicksand as well? Of course. Fantasy Island is such a dangerous place!

This was a silly episode. Brian apparently not only had plastic surgery to change his face but also to reduce his age because there was no way he was old enough to a contemporary of Noah’s. And for the swinger’s convention on Fantasy Island …. I mean, what? Mr. Roarke is suddenly okay with a big key party on his Island? How do you forget that you used to live next door to a swinging couple? Like I said, this was just silly. One fantasy features Jerry Van Dyke being way too goofy and the other features James Darren being way to obviously sinister. Neither worked.

So far, the fourth season has really been a mixed bag, hasn’t it? Hopefully, things will improve next week.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 3/17/24 — 3/23/24

Posted on March 23, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

I’m now caught up with Abbott Elementary. Season 3 has been a bit rocky for me and, as I watched the latest episode on Thursday morning, I realized that it really did come down to the fact that it seems as if Abbott is running the risk of losing its edge. The celebrity cameos are nice and often funny but they also take the viewers out of the reality of the show. I’m also still not a fan of Janine working for the District. I love teachers but I cannot stand bureaucrats. I also think, after three seasons, it might be time for Gregory to stop looking stunned by everything. It was funny at first but now, it’s just coming across as being a bit lazy.

That said, when this show works, it really does work. Mr. Johnson debating how AI will effect the future of janitoring made me laugh so hard that I had to get a drink of water to stop myself from choking to death.

Blind Date (YouTube)

I watched two episodes on Tuesday afternoon. No one found love.

Chappelle’s Show (Netflix)

On Sunday, I watched an episode in which Wayne Brady took over Dave Chappelle’s Show. Dave later talked about the time Wayne forced him to smoke crystal meth and murdered at least three people. It made me laugh.

Dirty Pair Flash (YouTube)

On Friday, I watched an episode in which the two main characters had to hide out at a private school, one that was haunted by a ghost. I related to Yuri’s enthusiasm.

Dr. Phil (YouTube)

On Tuesday afternoon, I watched an episode in which Phil talked to a white kid from the suburbs who thought he was a gangster. A real-life former gangster was brought on to talk to him about the “realities” of life on the street. I’ve never heard so much psycho-babble in my life.

The N.Y. Friars Club Roast of Chevy Chase (YouTube)

I read about this infamous 2002 Roast on Wednesday so I decided to watch it on Thursday. It’s true that the humor was brutal. I thought the roast of Michael Scott on The Office was brutal but it was nothing compared to what Chevy Chase was put through. It was kind of obvious that everyone involved had been waiting for a chance to let the world know how much they hated Chevy Chase. It was …. awkward. I’m just not a huge fan of the whole roast thing. It just seems mean!

Jenny Jones (YouTube)

On Monday, I watched a 1992 episode of this talk show. Easily flustered host Jenny Jones talked to teenage girls who were dating older boys and basically made things awkward by asking them to tell her and the entire audience about their first time.

The Phil Donahue Show (YouTube)

On Monday, I watched a 1993 episode of this ancient talk show. The pompous host talked to girls who were dating older men. Everyone was amazingly inarticulate.

Quiet On The Set (Max)

A four-part docuseries, Quiet On The Set took a look at the rise (and eventual fall) of Nickelodeon and television producer Dan Schneider. The centerpiece of the series was an episode-long interview with Drake Bell, in which he bravely discussed being sexually abused by Brian Peck, who was one of three Nickelodeon employees to be convicted of child sexual abuse over a short period of time.

While Drake was compelling and the series did a good job of detailing the toxic atmosphere on many of Schneider’s shows, the series also featured a few too many journalists and a few too many interviews with other former child stars who came across like they were mostly annoyed that their careers fizzled out. Dan Schneider comes across as being a terrible boss and a selfish human being but, at the same time, the series started out with an agenda and sometimes, I wondered how much of the narrative was shaped to fit that agenda.

In the end, the main thing I took away from watching this docuseries was the Nickelodeon really was as creepy as I always kind of suspected it of being.

Rollergames (YouTube)

I watched an episode of this old show on Saturday morning. The roller derby was brutal!

Sally Jessy Raphael (YouTube)

On Monday, I watched a two-part episode from 1993. Sally interviewed teen girls who were sexually active and basically spent two hours scolding them, There was also an army of virgins in the audience who would say stuff like, “I am a virgin,” and the audience would go crazy. It all felt very weird and judgmental. For someone who claimed to be a feminist, Sally sure was quick to judge her guests.

Trisha Goddard Show (YouTube)

I watched an episode of this talk show (which I had never heard of before) on Sunday night. Trisha Goddard, who was a kind of annoying British woman, talked to a 68 year-old woman whose deceased son was thought to be the father of two 27 year-old women. For some reason, a psychic was brought out to give her opinion. “I’m sensing the number three,” she said, for reasons that were never explained.

I watched another episode on Wednesday. It featured a man who refused to accept that he was the father of his ex-partner’s baby, even after a DNA test proved that he was. “That test could have been doctored!” he yelled while the audience gasped in shock.

Watched And Reviewed Elsewhere:

Baywatch Nights

Changing Patterns

Check It Out — Review to come shortly (unless I fall asleep)

CHiPs

Fantasy Island

Friday the 13th: The Series

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 4.17 “Also Rans/Portrait of Solange”

Posted on March 19, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Smiles, everyone, smiles! It’s Tattoo’s birthday!

Episode 4.17 “Also Rans/Portrait of Solange”

(Dir by Leslie H. Martinson, originally aired on February 28th, 1981)

It’s hard to know where to start with this episode, it’s so odd.

The first fantasy features Larry Linville as Jerome Pepper, who works in the “women’s shoes department” at Latham Department Store. He has a crush on his co-worker, Delia (Joan Prather). Delia is also the daughter of Emmett Latham (Don Porter), the owner of the store. The shy Jerome has only one fantasy. He just wants Delia to notice him.

Well, it turns out that Delia and Emmett are on the Island! They keep their horse at the Fantasy Island Stables. Delia has challenged the owner of Selby’s Department Store, widow Amelia (Arlene Dahl), to a race. The only problem is that Delia is having trouble training her horse. The horse is fast but it always stops before crossing the finish line.

Mr. Roarke arranges for Jerome to bring a horse named The Professor to the stables. The Professor is such a charismatic horse that all other horses want to hang out with him. If The Professor is standing at the finish line, Delia’s horse will have no trouble running across it. Delia has definitely noticed Jerome now.

The day of the race, The Professor disappears! So, Jerome steals an ice cream truck (“Fantasy Island Ice Cream” is written on the side of vehicle) and drives around the island announcing, “Professor! Tutti Frutti! Professor! Tutti Frutti!” Luckily, Professor loves Tutti Frutti and escapes from the stable where Amelia’s people were holding him prisoner.

Jerome and the Professor show up at the finish line, just in time to help Delia’s horse win the race. Jerome and Delia fall in love. Amelia confesses that she’s in love with Emmett and the two decide to combine their stores. So, I guess we’re just going to ignore the fact that Amelia tried to steal The Professor!

Good Lord, this fantasy! The whole thing just felt like a combination of random plot devices that had probably been snipped out of other episodes. Perhaps it would have worked better if Jerome had been a young, nerdy guy but Larry Linville appeared to be in his 50s and far too old to require a fantasy in order to talk to a co-worker.

The second fantasy is a little bit more interesting, if just because Mr. Roarke is actually nice to Tattoo for once. Tattoo’s birthday is approaching so Roarke decides to give him a fantasy as a gift. Knowing that Tattoo is a fan of Toulouse-Lautrec (and Herve Villechaize was an acclaimed painter in real life, as well), Mr. Roarke arranges for the Traditional Dance Company of Paris to come to Fantasy Island to rehearse and so Tattoo can paint them.

While Tattoo enjoys sketching all of the dancers, his favorite subject is Solange Latienne (Elissa Leeds), who takes care of the company’s costumes but who dreams of dancing herself. We’re told that Solange is French, though she doesn’t speak with an accent and she uses an American pronunciation for her last name. Tattoo falls for Solange but the company’s arrogant choreographer, Mark Ellison (David Groh), goes out of his way to try to keep Solange away from Tattoo. Knowing that Tattoo is watching from a distance, Mark kisses Solange. Thinking that Solange has rejected him, Tatoo throws away a sketch he had done of her. Awwwwww!

Mr. Roarke informs Tattoo that an emergency meeting of the “Island Council,” has been scheduled for the night. (This is the first time we’ve ever heard of this Island Council.) Tattoo agrees to go in Roarke’s place but it turns out that the meeting is a surprise party! The owner of the Traditional Dance Company, Alfred Gerrard (MacDonald Carey), buys Tattoo’s sketches. Then Solange dances as a part of the birthday celebration and Alfred is so impressed that he makes her a part of the company. Take that, Mark!

So, both Solange and Tattoo’s fantasies come true. Though Solange still leaves the Island so, once again, Tattoo’s heart is broken. Again, awwwwww!

Elissa Leeds was convincing neither as a French girl nor as a dancer but the second fantasy was still enjoyable, if just because it gave Herve Villechaize a rare chance to do something more than announce the plane and ask Mr. Roarke to explain everyone’s fantasies. Villechaize did a good job in this episode and it was nice to see he and Montalban pretending to like each other.

It was an uneven episode but at least Tattoo had a nice birthday.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 3/10/24 — 3/16/24

Posted on March 16, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

On Sunday, I discovered that there are hundreds of episodes of Blind Date on YouTube. Blind Date was an early reality show, where two strangers would be set up on a blind date and the cameras would follow them as they searched for a deeper connection. The show was distinguished by its snarky attitude, which was usually represented by thought balloons that would show what the two people were “really” thinking. While plenty of episodes featured likable people who went on good dates, the disastrous dates were always a lot more fun to watch.

And I’ve watched a lot of them this week. Whenever I’ve been bored or I’ve found myself struggling to focus, I’ve pulled up an episode of Blind Date and …. well, I’d be lying if I said the show was making me more productive. If anything, I’ve probably wasted a lot of time on it. But still, it makes me smile when I need to smile.

On Sunday, I also watched The Oscars. I wrote about the show here. For the most part, it was an entertaining show and I’m glad Christopher Nolan finally won his Oscar. I’ve been thinking a lot about Jonathan Glazer’s acceptance speech, of which I was not a fan. Zone of Interest is an important film and Glazer’s speech can’t change that. Still, I’m having to do now what I always tell me friends they should do whenever they discover one of their favorite directors or actors isn’t as much of a leftist as they are. I always tell them to stop whining and just separate the work from the artist. And now I’m discovering that is easier said than done. I may owe some of my friends an apology.

On Tuesday, I watched a 90s talk show called Rolanda. Rolanda interviewed gang members who wanted to come out of the closet.

On Wednesday, I was excited to watch both Survivor and The Amazing Race! Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to full concentrate on either show because I got a call halfway through Survivor but I plan on rewatching both episodes tomorrow. Survivor, I have to admit, hasn’t really worked for me lately. Ever since it came back from the Pandemic hiatus, Survivor has felt like a shadow of its past self. But I continue to unreservedly love The Amazing Race.

On Friday, I watched episodes of Vanishing Shadow and Night Flight on Night Flight Plus. The Night Flight episode featured film directors who made music videos. I’ve noticed that every episode of Night Flight finds an excuse to show Brian DePalma’s video for Relax and this episode was no different.

On Saturday morning, I watched the first episode of an old anime called Bubblegum Crash. I have no idea what was going on for most of it but a lot of stuff did blow up.

Also Watched And Reviewed Elsewhere:

Baywatch Nights

Check It Out! — Review upcoming

CHiPs

Fantasy Island

Friday the 13th: The Series

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 4.16 “Chorus Girl/Surrogate Father”

Posted on March 12, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Mr. Roarke is almost too clever for his own good.

Episode 4.16 “Chorus Girl/Surrogate Father”

(Dir by Richard Benedict, originally aired on February 21st, 1981)

Weird episode, this week.

Our first story features John Saxon, playing the role of Evan Watkins. Evan is a compulsive gambler and his fantasy is to make one huge score. Accompanying Evan is his young daughter, Amy (Nicole Eggert). Her fantasy is for Evan to give up gambling and start acting like a real father. On the Island, Evan and Amy meet Margo (Rosemary Forsyth), a social worker whose fantasy is to really make a difference in the life of someone who is in trouble. Basically, Mr. Roarke takes all three fantasies and just crams them together.

So, Evan does win big but then some gangsters show up, searching for him. And Amy does get her wish but not before Evan nearly abandons his family. And Margo, after some initial hesitation, falls in love with Evan and leaves the Island with him and Amy. It all works out but it still seems dangerous to mix together a bunch of fantasies like that. If one thing had gone wrong, Roarke would have been left with three unhappy customers instead of just one.

This fantasy was pretty predictable but it did give Herve Villechaize a chance to actually do something more than just stand around and ask Mr. Roarke questions. The scene where Tattoo comforts Amy by explaining that her father may be a man on the outside but is still just a scared child on the inside was wonderfully acted by Villechaize and rather sweet. Villechaize was notoriously difficult on the set of Fantasy Island and was reportedly always on the verge of being fired for his behavior but, in this scene, he demonstrates why he was so important to the show. Mr. Roarke may be the owner of Fantasy Island but Tattoo is the heart.

The second fantasy is kind of creepy. Sheila Richards (Lisa Hartman) has been deaf since birth. She was raised by Franklin Adams (Stuart Whitman), who taught her how to dance. Unfortunately, Sheila can only dance by watching Franklin’s hand signals. Franklin’s fantasy is for Sheila to be able to hear for a weekend so she can audition for a world-famous choreographer. Franklin also wants to tell Sheila that he’s in love with her.

There’s a few problems here. Franklin is in his 50s while Sheila is in her 20s and has basically been dependent on him for her entire life. Franklin wants Sheila to hear him when he says, “I love you!” but he also goes to the Island with the knowledge that, at the end of the weekend, Sheila will again lose her hearing. It seems a bit cruel on Franklin’s part to put Sheila through all that when 1) he knows sign language and 2) Sheila can read lips. There’s nothing stopping Franklin from telling her how he feels.

The other problem is that the episode doesn’t seem to understand that there are many dancers who are hearing-impaired. Because they learn the choreography and can feel the vibrations of the music, they are fully capable of dancing without being dependent on someone signing to the them from the audience. One does not need to hear the music to be able to dance to it. Instead, one just has to be able to keep time and remember the choreography.

Anyway, as you can probably guess, Sheila falls in love with the world-famous choreographer, leaving Franklin heart-broken. However, at the end of the episode, Mr. Roarke introduces Franklin to a teenage girl who lives on the Island. Roarke explains that she’s deaf and asks Franklin to look after her while she goes to school in New York. Franklin agrees with a quickness that is a bit …. icky.

This whole fantasy felt like a mess, from Franklin’s oddly-conceived fantasy to the fact that Lisa Hartman was in no way convincing as someone who can’t hear. Whether Sheila can hear or not, the one thing that remains consistent is Hartman’s overacting. Even the usually reliable Ricardo Montalban seems to be annoyed by the whole fantasy.

This was a weird trip to the Island. What will next week’s journey reveal?

PROGRAMMING NOTE: Retro Television Reviews Will Return On March 11th

Posted on March 3, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hi, everyone! Lisa Marie here with a quick programming note!

For nearly two years, I’ve been posting daily retro television reviews here on the Lens. That feature is going on hiatus for this upcoming week so that this site can concentrate on the Oscars. Speaking for myself, I know that I have a lot that I need to watch and review before the Oscars are handed out on March 10!

So, my daily reviews of Miami Vice, Baywatch Nights, CHiPs, Fantasy Island, The Love Boat, Monsters, Highway to Heaven, T and T, Friday the 13th, Welcome Back Kotter, Check It Out, and Degrassi Junior High will return on March 11th, after Oscar week concludes!

For now, let’s watch some movies!

Retro Television: Fantasy Island 4.15 “Loving Strangers/Something Borrowed, Something Blue”

Posted on February 27, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Sorry for running late with the review today. Are you prepared for some romance?

Episode 4.15 “Loving Strangers/Something Borrowed, Something Blue”

(Dir by Cliff Bole, originally aired on February 14th, 1981)

It’s a special Valentine’s Day episode of Fantasy Island!

Now, I have to admit that my first reaction to this was to think that I would be pretty depressed if I spent a Valentine’s Day at home, watching Fantasy Island. But then I realized that’s pretty much what happened to me this year. I had the excuse of a sprained ankle, though. Add to that, I was watching The Love Boat instead of Fantasy Island and Jeff and I still had a romantic time, even if I was stuck on the couch for most of the day.

(For the record, my ankle is doing much better. It only hurts with every 20th step now.)

Anyway, both of this episode’s fantasies are about falling in love.

Tom (Peter Marshall) and Margaret Wilkerson (Jane Powell) have been married for 25 years. It’s been a happy marriage but they’re both curious whether they would still fall in love if they met each other as the way they are now. Their fantasy is to meet again for the very first time. Mr. Roarke warns them that this might not be a good idea but Tom and Margaret still choose to walk through the Door of Forgetfulness and immediately forget that they know each other or that they’re married. Uh-oh — Tom’s flirting with a younger woman! And Margaret just met international man of mystery, Cesar Romero. Well, that marriage is doomed. Or is it?

No, of course, it’s not doomed. This is Fantasy Island and it’s Valentine’s Day. Still, you do have to wonder why Roarke grants fantasies that could so easily go terribly wrong. What if Tom and Margaret hadn’t eventually found each other again? How would that be explained to the members of their family in Indiana? Does Mr. Roarke ever worry about getting sued?

As for the other fantasy, Jack Foster (John Gavin) wants to marry Pamela Archer (Shelley Smith) on the Island. The wedding is being planned. Tattoo is calling people to order the cake and the plates and the silverware and it’s actually kind of neat to see Tattoo do something other than glare at Mr. Roarke. However, Pamela has not told Jack the truth about her trampy past and she fears that, if the truth comes out, it will destroy Jack’s campaign to be governor of Illinois. (I don’t know what she’s worried about. It’s not like Illinois has a reputation for being run by ruthless political machine or anything.) Pamela wants to marry Jack but …. OH NO, IT’S MARJOE GORTNER!

Marjoe plays Nick Corbin, who was apparently Pamela’s pimp in her previous life. He’s come to Fantasy Island to drag Pamela away from Jack and Pamela feels that she has to go with him in order to protect Jack. Jack reveals that he knows about her past and he doesn’t care. He then confronts Nick, who pulls a knife on him. OH NO! Fortunately, Mr. Roarke appears and literally tosses Nick 20 feet into the air. I’m not kidding, either. MARJOE GORTNER GOES FLYING!

With Nick taken care of, Jack and Pamela have an incredibly tacky wedding. Mr. Roarke walks Pamela down the aisle because apparently, Pamela has no family. That’s kind of sad.

But the important thing is that everything worked out. To be honest, neither fantasy was that interesting but I’m always happy to see Marjoe Gortner. No one glowered quite like Marjoe!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 2/18/24 — 2/24/24

Posted on February 24, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Greetings from Lake Texoma! It’s been a relaxing week and exactly what I needed. Here’s some thoughts on what I watched out on the deck.

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

“Janine smokes weed every day!”

Finally! After being slightly disappointed with the previous episodes of Abbott Elementary, this week’s episode was definitely a return to form! Whether it was all of the teachers talking about their drugs of choice or the hilarious FADE assembly, this episode epitomized everything that makes this show special. And while Janine smoking weed every day may seem a bit unexpected, it makes sense when you consider that she dated Tariq for ten years.

American Idol (Sunday Night, ABC)

Whenever American Idol starts a new season, I always find myself saying, “Is that show still on?” Seriously, it’s been a while since American Idol was a huge part of the cultural landscape and it’s been even longer since the show introduced America to genuine talents like Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood.

This season got off to an odd start, with Ryan Seacrest saying that the previous winner had put his home state of Hawaii on the map. No, Ryan — I’m pretty sure people knew about Hawaii before American Idol. As I watched the rest of the first audition episode, it occurred to me that, once again, the judges were too concerned about their own image to really offer up any sort of constructive feedback. That’s one reason why a show like this needs someone who is willing to be brutally honest and who has nothing to lose by being the show’s “villain.” Simon Cowell was a brilliant judge because he could always just hop on a plane and head back to the UK if his criticism ever turned America against him. Katy Perry, Luke Bryan, and Lionel Richie, on the other hand, all have brands that are based on being likable and not destroying people’s dreams.

Everyone who auditioned had a tragic backstory and they all did that thing were they oversold the emotion of whatever they were singing. It was kind of boring, to be honest. It’s been a long time since the show has produced a true American idol.

Bubblegum Crisis (Night Flight Plus)

Jeff and I watched an episode of this anime on Saturday morning. I have no idea what was going on in the episode but a lot of stuff blew up.

Dr. Phil (YouTube)

On Thursday night, Jeff and I watched an episode in which a woman named Lynsey accused her ex of abusing their daughter. That Lynsey was lying was pretty obvious from the start. Eventually, Lynsey got angry and stormed off stage. She came back out a bit later and accused Dr. Phil of turning her story into a “circus.” Usually, I’m totally in favor of people giving Dr. Phil a hard time but, in this case, Lynsey really was the worst.

Lauren Lake’s Paternity Court (YouTube)

He was the father! Yay! I had an episode of this playing in the background on Friday morning while I was in the process of waking up.

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

After playing the role for almost as long as I’ve been alive, Sam Waterston played Jack McCoy for the last time this week. McCoy resigned as District Attorney in order to protect his subordinates from the political fall-out of prosecuting a friend of the Mayor’s. I would have liked to have seen McCoy retire on his own terms, as opposed to being forced out. Quitting in the face of political pressure felt out of character for Jack McCoy. And the fact that he resigned to protect Price and Maroun, neither one of whom really feels worthy of the sacrifice, only adds insult to injury.

I find it interesting that almost every episode of Law & Order seems to feature a wealthy murderer. Do poor people not commit crimes in New York City?

Maury (YouTube)

“You are the father!” “You are not the father!” “You’re going to be in this baby’s life, right?” “Oh, you know it, Maury!” I watched way too much Maury on Friday and I will never forgive myself.

Night Flight (Night Flight Plus)

On Friday night, Jeff and I watched a profile of Ozzy Osbourne and Black Sabbath.

The Vanishing Shadow (Night Flight Plus)

On Friday night, Jeff and I watched another episode of this 1930s serial. Our heroes spent the entire episode fleeing gangsters.

Watched and Reviewed Elsewhere:

Baywatch Nights
Check it Out (review will be dropping in 30 minutes)
CHiPs
Fantasy Island
Friday the 13th: The Series
Highway to Heaven
In The Lion’s Den
The Love Boat
Miami Vice
Monsters
T and T
Welcome Back, Kotter

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 4.14 “The Chateau/White Lightning”

Posted on February 20, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, we get a bad fantasy and a good fantasy. Smiles, everyone!

Episode 4.14 “The Chateau/White Lightning”

(Dir by Leslie H. Martinson, originally aired on February 7th, 1981)

The first of this week’s fantasies involves the McAllister clan and the Scroggins clan, two feuding families from Appalachia who both come to Fantasy Island with the same fantasy. They want to find the formula for a legendary type of moonshine called White Lightning. The McAllisters are led by Clora (Carolyn Jones) and include her children, Ruth Ann (Wendy Schaal), Amos (Ed Begley, Jr.), and Otis (Richard Lineback). The Scroggins are led by Norris (George Lindsey) and include his sons, R.J. (Randy Powell) and Bobby Joe (Ernie Lively).

Since both families have the same fantasy and they both want the recipe for themselves….

What? Yes, this the bad fantasy.

Anyway, Mr. Roarke gives them a map that will lead them to White Lightning still on Fantasy Island. The two families race to be the first to reach the still, not realizing that the still is guarded by an old man with a rifle and that old man is Mr. Roarke in a fake beard.

You will probably not be surprised to learn that Mr. Roarke pretending to be a moonshiner is the best part of this fantasy. Seriously, I hope everyone involved with this series appreciated the dedication that Ricardo Montalban brought to bringing even the most ridiculous of scenes to life.

This was a dumb fantasy and, from the minute the two families stepped off the plane, it was obvious that they’re going to end up setting aside their differences and working together. The hillbilly stuff just felt out of place on Fantasy Island. Let’s move on and let’s do so quickly.

The other fantasy is a bit more fun. Vicky Lee (Pamela Franklin) is writing a book about her grandmother, a silent screen actress who died under mysterious circumstances. Her fantasy is to interview her grandmother’s former co-star, Claude Duncan, who lives in seclusion in a Fantasy Island chateau. Mr. Roarke tries to dissuade her from entering the chateau and warns her that her fantasy might be dangerous in ways that she could never imagine. Vicky says that she can take care of herself.

In the chateau, she meets Karl Dixon (David Hedison), who looks exactly like Claude Duncan! She assumes that Karl must be Claude’s grandson but the audience knows better. For one thing, we’ve noticed the statue of Pan in the chateau’s courtyard and we’ve also noticed that its eyes glow whenever something strange happens. It turns out that Claude Duncan and Karl Dixon are one in the same! Claude has remained young by offering up sacrifices to Pan. And it appears that he’s planning on making Vicky his latest sacrifice.

Vickey Lee’s fantasy was silly but entertaining, in the way that the best episodes of Fantasy Island often are. I always prefer the fantasies that have an element of the supernatural and that’s certainly the case with this one. At one point, Duncan even claims that Mr. Roarke has no power in the Chateau, which leads me to once again wonder about who truly rules Fantasy Island. If Mr. Roarke was truly in control of Fantasy Island, why would he allow Claude Duncan to live there? In an interview, Ricardo Montalban suggested that Fantasy Island was a form of Purgatory and that Mr. Roarke was more of a caretaker than a ruler. This fantasy would certainly suggest that to be true.

(The fantasy also features a charmingly weird scene where Mr. Roarke suddenly appears on a television screen in the chateau so he can tell Vicky that she’s in danger. Strange Mr. Roarke is the best Mr. Roarke.)

So, this week gave us one bad fantasy and one good fantasy. Fortunately, the good fantasy was really, really good.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 2/11/24 — 2/17/24

Posted on February 17, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This was another week in which I didn’t watch much television, beyond what I usually review. A lot of that is because I was preoccupied with exercising my ankle (which is doing much better) and Valentine’s Day! And some of it is because I guess modern television just doesn’t interest me that much right now. All the game shows and the self-conscious prestige dramas are just kind of boring.

Anyway, here’s some thought on what I did watch this week!

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

I felt that this week’s episode was a clear improvement over the premiere, though the show still seems to be struggling to find its footing in the third season. I liked Gregory as the cool teacher and I enjoyed the return of Tariq but I’m still not a fan of Janine working for the district.

Bubblegum Crisis (Night Flight Plus)

The action moved to Houston in the episode that I watched on Saturday morning. As usual, I couldn’t really follow the plot but it was fun to watch everything explode. Bubblegum Crisis takes place in 2033 so I guess we’ve got nine years left.

Diocese Of Dallas Catholic Mass (Sunday Afternoon, Channel 27)

For various reasons, I really wanted to go to Mass on Sunday but with my sprained ankle, I really didn’t feel like having to hop all the way down to St. Joseph’s. Fortunately, television to the rescue!

Dr. Phil (YouTube)

I watched an episode on Monday night. A woman falsely accused her ex-husband of using their child to make pornographic movies. Her husband passed a lie detector test and, as Phil pointed out, the woman’s story was full of inconsistencies and never made any sense. Despite being exposed as being a liar, the woman refused to apologize.

On Saturday, I watched an episode that featured an online gambling addict who, having lost all of his money, was now living in his mother’s basement. “We are staging an intervention,” Dr. Phil said, in that ultra-dramatic way of his.

Night Flight (Night Flight Plus)

This Friday, I watched an episode about famous people who made cameo appearances in 80s music videos.

The Super Bowl (Sunday Night, CBS)

I have to admit that I was really rooting for the 49ers by the end of the game. I always like it when the underdogs win. But still, congratulations to the Chiefs on their victory. As usual, I was mostly watching for the commercials but I got kind of bored with them this year. The one with Jennifer Lopez, Ben Affleck, and Matt Damon was amusing.

The Vanishing Shadow (Night Flight Plus)

I watched another installment of this old timey serial on Saturday morning. Our heroes spent most of this episode being pursued by gangsters. Fortunately, they had a vanishing ray! This old 30s serial is a lot of fun.

Watched and Reviewed Elsewhere: