I Watched A Christmas Reunion (2015, Dir. by Sean Olson)

Posted on December 17, 2025 by Dazzling Erin

Amy (Denise Richards) grew up in the small town of Chestnut, where her Aunt Linda (Catherine Hicks) owned the local bakery and hosted the annual Christmas cookie contest. (Yum!) When Amy grew up, she moved away from Chestnut and got a job in New York at an advertising firm run by Don Dupree (Parker Stevenson). When Aunt Linda dies, she leaves half of the bakery to Amy. Aunt Linda’s last request was that Amy restart the annual cookie contest. The only problem is that the other half of the bakery has been left to Amy’s ex-boyfriend, Jack (Patrick Muldoon).

Sometimes, I wish that I lived in Hallmark Christmas movie because I would love to be able to just take off from my job and open a bakery in a small town. That would be a dream come true for me. I baked my first batch of Christmas cookie when I was six! (Mom helped.) Everyone said they were the best they had ever tasted! I think I could have won that cookie contest! Now, I wish I lived in Chestnut but I know that Chestnut is not a real place. It’s just somewhere that we all wish could be real.

I enjoyed A Christmas Reunion. It appealed to the romantic baker in me. Not only did Denise Richards and Patrick Muldoon spend a lot of time in the kitchen but they also outsmarted the crooked lawyer (Jake Busey) who wanted to sell the bakery to a Starbucks. I laughed when Busey gave them a contract to sign and said, “Just sign where the red flags are,” because his whole character was a red flag. A Christmas Reunion may not take place in the real world but it would be nice if it did.

Days of Paranoia: Edmond (dir by Stuart Gordon)

Posted on April 4, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Based on a one-act play by David Mamet, 2005’s Edmond tells the story of Edmond Burke (William H. Macy).

Edmond shares his name (if not the actual spelling) with the philosopher Edmund Burke. Edmund Burke was a strong believer that society had to put value in good manners to survive and that religious and moral institutions played an important role in promoting the idea of people treating each other with respect and decency. Edmund Burke knew what he believes and his writings continue to influence thinks to this day. Edmond Burke, on the other hand, doesn’t know what he believes. He doesn’t know who he wants to be. All he knows is that he doesn’t feel like he’s accomplished anything with his life. “I don’t feel like a man,” he says at one point to a racist bar patron (played by Joe Mantegna) who replies that Edmond needs to get laid.

On a whim, Edmond steps into the shop of a fortune teller (Frances Bay), who flips a few Tarot cards and then tells Edmond that “You’re not where you’re supposed to be.” Edmond takes her words to heart. He starts the night by telling his wife (played by Mamet’s wife, Rebecca Pidgeon) that he’s leaving their apartment and he won’t be coming back. He goes to the bar, where he discusses his marriage with Mantegna. He goes to a strip club where he’s kicked out after he refuses to pay $100 for a drink. He goes to a peep show where he’s frustrated by the glass between him and the stripper and the stripper’s constant demand that he expose himself. He gets beaten in an alley by three men who were running a three-card monte scam. Edmond’s problem is that he left home without much cash and each encounter leads to him having less and less money. If he can’t pay, no one wants to help him, regardless of how much Edmond argues for a little kindness. He pawns his wedding ring for $120 but apparently, he just turns around and uses that money to buy a knife. An alley-way fight with a pimp leads to Edmond committing his first murder. A one-night stand with a waitress (a heart-breaking Julia Stiles) leads to a second murder after a conversation about whether or not the waitress is actually an actress leads to a sudden burst of violence. Edmond ends up eventually in prison, getting raped by his cellmate (Bookem Woodbine) and being told, “It happens.” Unable to accept that his actions have, in one night, led him from being a businessman to a prisoner, Edmond says, “I’m ready to go home now.” By the end of the film, Edmond realizes that perhaps he is now where he was meant to be.

It’s a disturbing film, all the more so because Edmond is played by the likable William H. Macy and watching Macy go from being a somewhat frustrated but mild-mannered businessman to becoming a blood-drenched, racial slur-shouting murderer is not a pleasant experience. Both the play and the film have generated a lot of controversy due to just how far Edmond goes. I don’t see either production as being an endorsement of Edmond or his actions. Instead, I see Edmond as a portrait of someone who, after a lifetime of being willfully blind to the world around him, ends up embracing all of the ugliness that he suddenly discovers around him. He’s driven mad by discovering, over the course of one night, that the world that is not as kind and well-mannered as he assumed that it was and it all hits him so suddenly that he can’t handle it. He discovers that he’s not special and that the world is largely indifferent to his feelings. He gets overwhelmed and, until he gets his hands on that knife, he feels powerless and emasculated. (The knife is an obvious phallic symbol.) It’s not until the film’s final scene that Edmond truly understands what he’s done and who he has become.

Edmond is not always an easy film to watch. The second murder scene is truly nightmarish, all the more so because the camera remains on Edmond as he’s drenched in blood. This is one of William H. Macy’s best performances and also one of his most disturbing characters. That said, it’s a play and a film that continues to be relevant today. There’s undoubtedly a lot of Edmonds out there.

STARSHIP TROOPERS and Hell’s Half Acre – Taking my love of the movies on down the road (Part 4)!

Posted on December 28, 2024 by Bradley Crain

2022 was a big year for my wife Sierra and I when it comes to “movie tourism.” I’ve already discussed our trips to Pennsylvania and Colorado to celebrate my healthy obsession with the late, great action movie icon Charles Bronson. In that same year, we spent some time in the beautiful city of Casper, Wyoming. About 40 miles from Casper is a place called “Hell’s Half Acre.” Sierra lived in Casper for 18 years, and she told me that the movie STARSHIP TROOPERS was filmed there. I had no idea. I had watched the movie way back in late 90’s because it was directed by Paul Verhoeven, the Dutch director who had made a star out of Rutger Hauer before coming to America and directing films like ROBOCOP, TOTAL RECALL, and BASIC INSTINCT. I remember it being graphically violent, but I honestly didn’t remember much about it. The fact that it was filmed out in the middle of nowhere outside of Casper piqued my interest, and I was determined to know more.

In a nutshell, STARSHIP TROOPERS stars Casper Van Dien as Johnny Rico, a young man who joins the military after graduation to become a citizen, and because of his love for his high school sweetheart Carmen (Denise Richards). As part of his service, he finds himself in a war against the bug aliens of Klendathu. Every day is a battle for survival as the soldiers try to save the human race. Aside from Van Dien and Richards, director Verhoeven has assembled an excellent supporting cast that includes veterans like Michael Ironside, Clancy Brown, and even Rue McClanahan. Maybe it’s because I visited the location, but I enjoyed the movie much more now, than I remember enjoying it back in the 90’s.

Hell’s Half Acre stood in for the alien planet of Klendathu in STARSHIP TROOPERS. It’s an interesting looking area that reminds me of the look of the Grand Canyon when viewed from afar. It turned out to be the perfect place for an alien planet, even if there was always a chance that the cast and crew might run into a rattlesnake or two. Here’s a picture I took of the sign on the premises that tells you a little more about Hell’s Half Acre.

The picture at the top of the article shows how Hell’s Half Acre is used in the movie to represent the alien planet of Klendathu. Here’s an image of the movie’s star, Casper Van Dien, on location. I met several people in Casper who remember when the actors and the crew were staying in Casper during filming, and they all spoke very positively of Van Dien. I also find it interesting that Casper Van Dien is filming this movie just outside of Casper, Wyoming. What are the chances?

Here are few of the pictures we took on our visit. I sent the picture below to my son while we were out of town and asked him if he knew where we were. His guess was The Grand Canyon!

Making movies is one hell of a business, and visiting Hell’s Half Acre was a great reminder of the imagination it takes to create movie magic. It was also a fun way to spend part of day, especially for a movie lover like me!

So, I Watched Kill Shot (1995, Dir. by Nelson McCormick)

Posted on October 13, 2024 by Dazzling Erin

A group of college students all live in a California apartment complex that’s owned by Jake Mondello (Gianni Russo), who also owns a restaurant and sponsors a beach volleyball team. From the description that I read of the movie’s plot, I thought there would be a lot more beach volleyball and, from the title, I thought there would be a lot more thrills. Turns out I was wrong on both counts.

It’s pretty obvious that this was a pilot for a tv show that was inspired by Melrose Place. A lot of characters are introduced and they’re all shallow but pretty. Just like with Melrose Place, everyone has a drama and everyone has someone that they like but who they can’t tell about their feelings. Casper Van Dein is the most recognizable person in the cast. He plays a rich boy who likes to play volleyball and who falls for a poor girl. Other characters include Jacqueline Collen as a former volleyball star who is going back to college and who is being stalked by her ex (Jack Scalia), Catherine Lazo as the med student who loses her scholarship, and Ria Pavia as an abrasive science student who falls in love with her new roommate (Mushond Lee), even though he’s gay. Ernie Reyes, Jr. plays Koji, who is a computer nerd who says stuff like, “I just got a new CD-rom game.” He’s so good with computers that the police turn to him to help track phone calls and match finger prints. Denise Richards appears for two seconds and smiles at Casper. Gianni Russo is the worst actor in the movie but everyone loves Jake because Russo also wrote the script.

This was largely plotless and pointless. Casper was nice to look at but I didn’t care about any of the characters. There is a big beach volleyball game at the end but it only lasts for a few minutes and it was impossible to tell who was winning. One important character is taken out by a kill shot but no one notices. Watching the movie made me hate both the beach and volleyball.

October Hacks: Valentine (dir by Jamie Blanks)

Posted on October 25, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

A holiday slasher, 2001’s Valentine tells the story of five girls and the nosebleed-prone incel who has never forgiven them for not dancing with him in high school….

Well, no, actually, it’s a bit more serious than that. In high school, dorky Jeremy Melton asked four popular girls to dance with him at the Valentine’s Day dance. Shelley, Lilly, and Paige rejected him and were rather rude about it. Kate was polite and promised that maybe she would dance with him later. Only Dorothy agreed to dance with him but when Dorothy and Jeremy were subsequently discovered making out underneath the bleachers, Dorothy falsely claimed that Jeremy forced himself on her. School jock Joe beat up Jeremy and humiliated him in front of the entire school. Jeremy ended up in a reform school and was eventually sent to a mental institution.

Years later, everyone has grown up. Shelley (Katherine Heigl) is a medical student. Lily (Jessica Caufiel) is dating an artist named Max (Johnny Whitworth) and having to deal with Max’s angry ex, Ruthie (Heddy Burress). Dorothy (Jessica Capshaw) is insecure and dating the caddish Campbell (Daniel Cosgrove). Paige (Denise Richards) is still living her life as if she’s everyone’s favorite mean girl. And Kate (Marley Shelton) is in an on-and-off again relationship with Adam (David Boreanaz), a recovering alcoholic and writer. No one is really sure what has happened to Jeremy but when someone starts picking off the members of their group and they start to get morbid Valentines in the mail, everyone starts to wonder if maybe Jeremy has returned.

Of course, this group isn’t going to let the fact that a murderer is stalking them keep them from throwing a big Valentine’s party as Dorothy’s house. These are extremely stupid people, as you may have guessed. It’s a bit of an awkward party, largely because everyone is having relationship issues and Ruthie Walker shows up and yells at everyone. Things get even more awkward when the a killer wearing a cupid’s mask shows up and starts killing everyone at the party.

I always remember Valentine as being a really big deal when it was first released but, when I was doing a little research for this review, I discovered that Valentine was actually considered to be a flop at the box office. Maybe I just got in into my head that it was some sort of huge success because Valentine was one of those films that used to show up on Showtime constantly. I think I’ve seen the film’s ending over a hundred times, just while waiting for the next movie to start.

As far as slasher films go, it’s adequate without being particularly memorable. The killer is creepy but the victims are all so shallow that it’s difficult to have much sympathy for them. Probably the most interesting thing about this film is that all of the supporting characters are so strange and perverse that it almost feels as if they’ve wondered over from an old giallo film. This the type of film where everyone’s either an ex-addict or a notorious con artist or an underwear thief. Undoubtedly, the best supporting character is Ruthie Walker, if just because she’s the only character in the film who is willing to call out everyone on their shallowness. Unfortunately, Ruthie doesn’t come to a good end but she does get the best death scene in the film and, when it comes to something like Valentine, that has to be considered a triumph.

Anyway, Valentine ends with the set up for a sequel but it never happened. Valentine’s Day remains an awesome holiday! Don’t let any killer cupids ruin it for you.

Cleaning Out The DVR: Killer Cheer Mom (dir by Randy Carter)

Posted on September 27, 2021 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s not easy being a stepmother.

That’s one of the many things that I’ve learned from watching Lifetime movie. If you’re a stepmother, all of the neighbors are going to assume that you only got married for the money. If you have a stepson, he’s going to end up triggering bad memories that are going to lead to you trying to seduce and then kill him. If you have a stepdaughter, she’s going to resent you and you’re going to have to decide whether to win her trust by saving her from a stalker or to try to kill her off so that you alone stand to inherit all of your husband’s money after you poison him. Decisions, decisions!

The stepmom in Killer Cheer Mom is Amanda (Denise Richards). Amanda has just married James (Thomas Calabro) and she really wants to bond with her new stepdaughter, Riley (Courtney Fulk). Unfortunately, Riley doesn’t want to bond with her new stepmother. In fact, Riley kind of wishes that Amanda would just go away. Riley is far more concerned with making the cheerleading squad.

Whereas Riley sees a problem, Amanda sees an opportunity! Amanda can bond with Riley by helping her out with her cheerleading. And what better way to help than to injure and plot against Riley’s competition!? Soon, the local high school is the most dangerous place on Earth and it’s all because Riley refused to appreciate her stepmom.

It’s a bit unfortunate that Killer Cheer Mom was not produced as a part of Lifetime’s Wrong franchise, just because I would have liked to have heard Vivica A. Fox say something like, “Looks your father married the wrong cheer mom.” That said, even if Killer Cheer Mom doesn’t quite reach the wonderfully and intentionally absurd heights of the Wrong films, it’s still an enjoyably self-aware movie. After years of movies about cheerleaders being harassed by the crazed mothers of their friends, Killer Cheer Mom offers up a stepmother who is even more dangerous because she’s actually trying to be helpful. As the film plays out, Amanda’s schemes grow more and more extreme. More than just being a standard Lifetime villain, she’s instead a force of pure chaos. One gets the feeling that, if she didn’t have a stepdaughter, she would find another excuse to cause trouble. It’s what makes her happy.

A film like this is only as good as its villain and, fortunately, Amanda is played by Denise Richards. Richards gives a compelling performance, embracing the melodrama but, at the same time, never condescending to the material. Instead, she plays Amanda as being someone who never stops performing. When she’s in public, she pretends to be a loving wife. When she’s with her stepdaughter, she pretends to be a teenager again. When she’s alone and plotting against her daughter’s competition, she appears to be performing solely for her own amusement. What makes Amanda memorable is not just what she does but also the fact that she seems to get so much enjoyment out of doing it. It’s obvious that both Richards and Amanda are having a ball being bad.

Killer Cheer Mom is an enjoyable Lifetime cheerleader movie. Watch it and ask yourself how far you would go to make your stepdaughter happy. If you wouldn’t be willing to frame the competition by stashing drugs in their backpack, ask yourself why not. It’s all about family.

The Films of 2020: Money Plane (dir by Andrew Lawrence)

Posted on December 25, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Yes, that’s Kelsey Grammer holding a machine gun in the picture above. This is a screenshot from a film called Money Plane, which is about a plane where people gamble on everything from Texas Hold ‘Em to Russian Roulette to how long it will take a man to die after being bitten by a cobra. A group of thieves are recruited to rob the money plane. Grammer plays the man who ordered the robbery, a total psycho who is named Darius Grouch III but who prefers to be called The Rumble.

And listen, there’s a lot of things that you can say about Money Plane. Does the plot always make sense? Of course not. Heist films aren’t supposed to make much sense. Does the film look cheap? You bet. This isn’t a Hollywood blockbuster. This film is closer to be a mockbuster. But, dammit, any movie that features Kelsey Grammer loudly announcing, “I’m the baddest motherfucker around!” in that voice of his is automatically going to be one of the best of the year.

Well, maybe not the best. As I said, Money Plane is a low-budget action movie and, watching it, you get the feeling that the film was largely made as a lark. It’s a silly movie but, when taken on its own very undemanding terms, it’s actually pretty fun. Unlike a lot of action films, Money Plane has a sense of humor and one gets the feeling that the cast and crew were in on the joke. One could imagine a director like Steven Soderbergh taking this material and ruining it by trying to pretend as if there was more going on underneath the surface of the film than there actually was. Money Plane, on the other hand, makes no apologies and doesn’t pretend to be anything that it isn’t.

Here’s a few things I liked about Money Plane:

1) One of the thieves was played by Katrina Norman and she got to beat up some sleazy men. That’s always fun to watch.

2) The great Thomas Jane had a small but key role as the best friend of the main thief (who was played by former wrestler Adam Copeland).

3) I couldn’t help but be amused by the fact that the famous Money Plane was just an ordinary airplane, as opposed to some sort of gigantic floating fortress.

4) I also found myself strangely amused by the fact that the inside of the plane appeared to be significantly bigger than the outside.

5) When it was announced that the next game would be “Texas Hold ‘Em,” a dude wearing a cowboy hat stood up and was like, “This is my game!”

6) Jackson Pollock and several other painters are referred to as being “a bunch of bitches,” which amused me as an art history major.

7) Adam Copeland’s ex-wife is played Denise Richards, who once again proves that she’s a better actress than she’s frequently given credit for.

8) And, of once again, how can you not love a film that has Kesley Grammer cursing up a storm and running around with a machine gun?

I recommend Money Plane. It’s enjoyably silly.

The Dirt On The Relentless: American Satan (2017, directed by Ash Avildsen)

Posted on October 10, 2019 by Jedadiah Leland

The Relentless are the biggest band in the world, even though their music sounds like it belongs in the 80s. Led by charismatic singer Johnny Faust (Andy Biersack), the Relentless have just released their debut album, American Satan. Now, they’re touring the country, doing every drug they can get their hands on and every groupie that stops by their hotel. The moral guardians say that The Relentless are a bad influence and are leading their children into Satanism. For once, the moral guardians are right. Back when they were just a struggling band in Los Angeles, The Relentless made a deal with Satan (Malcolm McDowell). All they had to do was sacrifice the lead singer of a rival band (played by former teen idol Drake Bell) and all their dreams would come true. However, if Johnny Faust had bothered to study his namesake, he’d know better than to make a deal with the devil.

The best thing about American Satan is that it was obviously made by people who know the music industry. All of the details at the start of the film, with the Relentless struggling to get noticed and having to hit the streets and sell tickets to their own show, felt true. It helps that most of the members of the Relentless were played by actual musicians. What they lacked in acting talent, they made up for with authenticity. The music industry is a tough business to break into, regardless of how good or bad your band is. After watching Johnny and the Relentless struggle with crooked promoters and unsympathetic label owners, it was believable that they would consider signing a deal with the devil.

Much like the band, the movie lost its way after the contract with the devil was signed and official. The rioting, the groupies, and the drugs were all too predictable and the movie just became The Dirt with Satan replacing Ozzy. American Satan seems to be building up to an epic conclusion but it never seals the deal. Instead, it just ends with a whimper, as if no one was sure where the story was supposed to be heading. Still, any movie that finds roles for Malcolm McDowell, Bill Duke, Goldberg, and Denise Richards can’t be all bad.

At its worse, American Satan is an anti-climatic take on the Faust legend. At its best, its Tipper Gore’s worst nightmare.

Lifetime Film Review: The Secret Lives of Cheerleaders (dir by Peter Sullivan)

Posted on September 3, 2019 by Lisa Marie Bowman

When I first started high school, quite a few people told me that I needed to follow my sister Erin’s example and try out for cheerleader and I have to admit that I was occasionally tempted to do so. I never did because I already had ballet and drama club, I wanted to establish my own identity, and Erin told me that being cheerleader meant that I had to be perky all the time and, quite frankly, I’ve always needed my time to sulk. Add to that, I’ve always been a natural contrarian so my usual response to several people telling me that I need to do something is to do the exact opposite. (That was perhaps even more true in high school than it is today.)

On the one hand, I can honestly say that I have never regretted not trying out for cheerleading. On the other hand, it’s only natural to occasionally wonder, “What if?” Would I have been the nice, responsible cheerleader like the type that Kirsten Dunst played in Bring It On? Would I have been the bitchy cheerleader who cruelly maintained the school’s status quo? Or would I have been the one trying to make fetch happen? Personally, I like to think that I would have been the cheerleader who dressed in all black and who came up with snarky cheers that sarcastically commented on modern culture.

That question of “What If?” is one of the reasons why I always make sure to catch all of the Lifetime cheerleading films. The other reason is that I enjoy making Erin watch them with me so I can ask her if they’re a realistic depiction of what it was like to be a cheerleader. For instance, earlier today, I made Erin watch The Secret Lives of Cheerleaders with me and I asked her, “Is this an accurate portrayal of cheerleading?”

“Maybe if you were a cheerleader in Hell,” she replied.

In The Secret Lives of Cheerleaders, Savannah May plays Ava. Ava and her mother, Candice (Denise Richards), have just moved to a new town and that means that Ava is going to be starting at a new high school. With her mother’s very strong (some might say too strong) encouragement, Ava tries out for cheerleading and makes the squad. Soon, Ava is not only a hit with the other cheerleaders but she’s also on her way to becoming the most popular girl at school! That doesn’t sit well with Katrina (Alexandria DeBerry), the cheer captain and homecoming queen who is all about three things: trying to control everyone’s lives, hazing the Hell out of all the new recruits, and being more popular than everyone else. When Ava makes it clear that she’s going to date whoever she wants (even if he isn’t a starter on the football team) and that she’s not really that happy with all the hazing either, Katrina plots to take down her only potential rival.

There’s not a subtle moment to be found in The Secret Lives of Cheerleaders, which is why it’s perhaps the best Lifetime cheerleader film ever made. From the minute that Katrina gives Ava the side eye, we know that we’re in store for an epic battle between two differing philosophies of high school popularity, with Ava representing the way we wish things could be while Katrina represents what we secretly suspect the world to be like. The film’s signature scene is perhaps the moment when Katrina and Ava get into an impromptu dance-off on the football field. It’s so thoroughly and unashamedly over-the-top that it’s also more than a little brilliant.

I mean, seriously, this is a Lifetime cheerleader film. You don’t watch a film like this for a subtlety. You watch a film like this for scenes of Katrina live-streaming a hazing and forcing her rival to stand on edge of the roof of the school. We watch a film like this for the moment that the entire high school breaks into applause as they watch one of their classmates get led away in handcuffs. Savannah May and Alexandria DeBerry are well-cast as the rival cheerleaders and DeBerry especially deserves credit for making Katrina the most joyfully evil cheerleader in recent memory.

Whether it’s an accurate portrayal of high school cheerleading or not, The Secret Lives of Cheerleaders is an undeniably entertaining Lifetime film. It fully embraces the melodrama and we’re all better for it.

Film Review: Tammy and the T-Rex (1994, dir. Stewart Raffill)

Posted on July 13, 2015 by Valerie Troutman

You read the name and you know it sucks. Then that title screen pops up. Oh, my God! It looks like a 2nd grader made that, but it’s oh so perfect. You know why? Because this movie is as childish as that screen implies. The only thing wrong with it is that the title is too short. It should have been called Tammy, the T-Rex, and the African Queen. No, not because it has anything to do with the Hepburn movie, but because of this.

This!

It’s two for the price of one! Not only do we get a gay stereotype, but one that is also a black stereotype. But what do you expect? The movie is made by the same guy who directed Mannequin: On The Move, which had a similar character. He also wrote and directed Mac and Me. The character’s name is Byron (Theo Forsett). So, what happens in this movie when Byron isn’t passing out or someone is saying not to bend over near him?

Testicular Standoff

I’m not making that up! One of the two cops who shows up actually calls it that. Those are two high school guys trying to crush each other’s genitals with their bare hands. Wanna know something else? That’s Paul Walker on the right. Yep, that Paul Walker. Need it to be even dumber, since the fact that this carries on for several minutes isn’t enough. It turns out Walker, I mean Michael, is faking it because he’s actually wearing a cup. If you can’t tell whether you are holding male genitals or a piece of plastic then you are in real trouble. Why are they doing this? Well, of course for the heart of Denise Richards who plays Tammy! It’s everyone’s dream to have two men fight over them this way. Oh, and that shot of Byron above is from this scene. He seems to be turned on by it. Oh, this movie. Now comes the T-Rex.

I know this is a lousy VHS print of the movie, but I can’t imagine how much worse this must look in HD. The plot goes like this. Michael shows up at Tammy’s place for a little action. Poppy Montgomery, in clearly her finest performance, sees Michael climbing up to Tammy’s room and calls in the other guy who fought with Michael earlier at school. Just as Tammy is finally gonna get a little something, in comes the bad guy with his friends in a scene reminiscent of A Clockwork Orange. They take Michael away to the Wild Animal Park. They couldn’t come up with a better name. Michael is left to get mauled by a lion. What happens next is right up there with the vagina snake scene at the beginning of Lady Terminator.

A mad scientist and his girl show up at the hospital, pretend Michael is dead, then steal his body out from under the nose of Tammy, Byron, both of which pass out on the floor, and the one member of Michael’s family who also happens to drink like a fish. Then they cut open Michael’s head and put his brain into a T-Rex. Yep, that’s how it happens. What follows is Michael the T-Rex seeking revenge on all the people who have wronged him.

The Got Milk? Guy

The funniest death is easily when the guy from the original Got Milk? commercial gets killed after peeing on the T-Rex. Oh, and Michael the T-Rex also makes a phone call.

He actually tries to leave a message for Tammy!

What follows are stupid deaths, stupid gay jokes, and one of the fakest things I have seen in a long time. Feast your eyes!

This will move you to tears.

The ending is so absurd that I won’t even…who am I kidding? No one is going to seek this out. It ends like this.

An American Werewolf In London death

Denise Richards does a sexy dance

And Paul Walker’s brain sparks with excitement.

After unsuccessfully trying to find Michael’s body, they simple put his brain in Tammy’s room, attach it to a camera, and she dances for him. It’s amazing these movies exist. I don’t know how we made it out of the 1990’s. There’s an Italian R-rated version of this movie with a few deleted scenes. I watched them. Let’s end this review with one of them.