Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 3.10 “Every Mother’s Son”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

This week, life and death both continue in Baltimore.

Episode 3.10 “Every Mother’s Son”

(Dir by Kenneth Fink, originally aired on January 6th, 1995)

Let’s get the least important part of this week’s episode out of the way first.  Felton is still looking for his wife and kids.  He abandons Kay while she’s in the middle of a homicide investigation.  When Kay calls him out on it, Felton brings up the fact that she went on vacation for a weekend.  The difference is that Felton isn’t taking vacation days.  Instead, he’s just leaving in the middle of work and expecting Kay to handle all of his cases.

BEAU FELTON — WORST HOMICIDE DETECTIVE EVER!

Meanwhile, Lewis and Munch discover that their bar is a historical landmark because George Washington once stopped there to use the restroom.  The bar stuff, while not really related to the episode’s main drama, didn’t feel as unnecessary as the stuff with Felton’s family.  A lot of that is because Lewis, Munch, and Bayliss are a lot more sympathetic than Felton.  This week’s scenes with Howie Mandel as an interior decorator felt a bit off for an episode of Homicide but they still amused me.  That said, at some point, these three really are going to have to get it together and open the place.

As for the main storyline, it featured Pembleton and Bayliss investigating the shooting of a 13 year-old in a bowling alley.  It’s a familiar story, one that this show has used before.  The fact that we’ve seen it before is not a reflection on the show.  It’s reflection of the reality of life on the streets.  The murderer was another kid, one who was now facing life in prison if he ended up getting charged as an adult.  The murderer showed little remorse, telling Pembleton that he would rather be in jail than the on the streets.  What made this episode stand out was a scene between two mothers — one the mother of the victim and the other the mother of the shooter — meeting by chance in  a police station and striking up a conversation despite not knowing who the other was.  Gay Thomas Wilson and Rhonda Stubbins White both gave excellent and poignant performances of two women who, by the end of the show, would have both ended up losing their oldest son.

This was a simple but effective episode, a moody look at the ironies of death and violence in Baltimore.  George Washington once stopped by the Waterfront Bar but that doesn’t mean anything to the people who are dying and suffering in the city.  In the end, Pembleton could only look on in silene as the shooter announced that he was happy to be in jail.  “You’re probably going to die in a cell just like this,” Pembleton says.

“Better here than on the streets,” is the reply.

And nothing more is left to be said.

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 3.9 “Nothing Personal”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

This week, Felton again proves himself to be the most incompetent cop in Baltimore.

Episode 3.9 “Nothing Personal”

(Dir by Timothy Van Patten, originally aired on April 21st, 1995)

Woe be anyone whose murder is investigating by Detective Beau Felton.

Felton (played by Daniel Baldwin) shambles his way through this episode, his hair a greasy mess and his eyes bloodshot.  The episode takes place over the course of several days and Felton doesn’t change his clothes once.  Just looking at him, one can smell the pungent mix of sweat, cigarettes, and booze.  Felton is searching for his wife and his son.  In this episode, his mother-in-law tells him that his wife is planning on coming home, just for her to change her mind at the last moment.  On the one hand, I do feel a bit bad for Felton, even if he was an absolutely terrible husband.  On the other hand, he’s got an important job and, right now, he sucks at it.  His decision to go back to Megan Russert’s place after he talks to his mother-in-law definitely does not make him in any way extra sympathetic.

Poor Kay!  She has been just been assigned the Chilton murder, which was one of Crosetti’s unsolved cases and now her 100% clearance rate is threatened.  The case is considered to be unsolvable.  Someone strangled Erica Chilton.  Her husband (Dean Winters) gives Kay and Felton a stack of letters that were sent by Erica’s secret lover.  Alcoholic Felton loses the letters.  The episode ends with Kay reluctantly accepting that she might never solve the case.  Personally, I think Kay should consider that the victim’s husband is played by Dean Winters.  With the exception of Law & Order: SVU, I have never seen Dean Winters appear on a show like this without eventually turning out to be the murderer and the fact that he had a huge stack of letters from Erica’s boyfriend would give him a motive.  See, Kay?  I solved your case for you!

Meanwhile, Giardello goes out to lunch with Megan Russert and one of her friends.  Russert wants to set them up.  Giardello is interested but Russert’s friend isn’t.  Giardello, in a wonderfully performed moment (all hail Yaphet Kotto), tells Russert that he feels that light-skinned black women always reject him because he’s “too black.”  Russert says that’s ridiculous, just for Giardello to reply that, as a “white woman,” she wouldn’t understand.  Giardello spends the rest of the episode depressed.  It’s always interesting whenever Giardello, who is usually so imposing, let’s down his guard a bit and reveals his emotions.  Kotto always did a great job playing Giardello, regardless of whether Giardello was ordering Pembleton to work with Bayliss or just trying to avoid doing his laundry with Munch.

Speaking of Munch, the Waterfront Bar continues to be a headache.  Lewis, Bayliss, and Munch have finally purchased their bar but it turns out that the former owner is not allowed to leave behind any of the liquor that she previously had at the bar.  So, the three partners are going to have to pay for all their liquor themselves.  The Waterfront Bar storyline has been dragged out a bit but it is a storyline that shows just how difficult it is to start a business in an overregulated state.  So, it appeals to be my libertarian side.

There were a lot of good moments in this episode, even if I am getting a bit tired of Felton and his incompetence.  One thing that I’ve really enjoyed about this season is how much Kay and Russert seem to sincerely dislike each other.  This episode featured Russet calling Kay out for obsessing over her perfect clearance rate and Kay’s barely pent up irritation was entertaining to watch.  Still, I do find myself wondering why Russet is always at the station, even though her shift is over.  Seriously, Russert, spend some time with your child and tell Felton to get off your damn couch!  There’s murders that need to be solved.

 

 

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 3.8 “All Through The House”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

It’s time to celebrate the holidays!

Episode 3.8 “All Through The House”

(Dir by Peter Medak, originally aired on December 16th, 1994)

It’s Christmas in Baltimore!  Decorations are up.  A heavy snow is falling.  The Homicide Detectives are starting the night shift on Christmas Eve …. there’s no way this is going to be depressing, right?

  • Russert and Lewis (who no longer has a permanent partner because Crosetti committed suicide) investigate the murder of a woman who was set on fire.  The victim’s mother (Nancy Marchand) is in the midst of throwing a Christmas party and refuses to acknowledge the fact that her daughter is dead.  Instead, she obsesses on the amount of red decorations.  It’s a human moment.  How would you react if you found out a member of your family had been murdered on Christmas Eve?
  • Still, this storyline kind of reinforced the fact that it really doesn’t make much sense for Russert to be a regular on the show.  She’s a shift commander but it’s a totally different shift from the one that the rest of the characters work.  She was originally introduced having an affair with Beau but that appears to be over.  Russert really has nothing to do and her choosing to work Christmas Eve didn’t really make much sense.
  • Scheiner, the crusty old medical examiner, shows up wearing a Santa hat.  Assistant State’s Attorney Ed Danvers also makes an appearance.  He mentions that he’s got someone coming to his apartment to celebrate Christmas Eve with him but Kay is working!  Did they break up!?
  • Meanwhile, Bolander and Much investigate the mystery of a dead man dressed as Santa Claus….
  • SERIOUSLY, HOMICIDE!?
  • Much suggests that Santa was killed by angry elves.
  • Okay, Homicide, that made me laugh.
  • Munch thinks that the man is someone who has been ringing the bell for the Salvation Army for decades.  Bolander says that they need to inform the man’s child….
  • STOP IT, HOMICIDE!
  • While Bolander goes to the morgue to try to get a positive ID on the guy, Munch sits in an apartment with a kid who want stop talking about how his father promised to spend Christmas Eve with him….
  • WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS, HOMICIDE!?
  • Munch takes the kid out.  They go bowling.  They hit some baseballs.  The kid’s antagonistic and Munch is miserable.
  • Oh wait!  The kid’s father is alive!  Yay!  It turns out that someone stole his Santa Claus outfit and that person — that thief of holiday joy — is the one who was brutally murdered while dressed as jolly old St. Nick.
  • Uhmm …. that’s still pretty depressing but at least the kid’s not an orphan.
  • Back at headquarters, a disheveled Bayliss tries to get someone to play Hearts with him because he needs to make some quick money.
  • Seriously, what’s happening with Bayliss?  He went from being clean-cut and idealistic to being a somewhat seedy, convenience store-robbing burnout in record time!

Merry Christmas, everyone!  This was a good episode, actually.  Any episode that involves Munch getting frustrated is usually enjoyable and Russert and Lewis made for a good team.  And, in the end, Santa was not dead.  It’s a Christmas miracle!

The Eric Roberts Collection: Deadly Sanctuary (dir by Nancy Criss)


In 2015’s Deadly Sanctuary, Philadelphia reporter Kendall O’Dell (Rebekah Kochan) relocates to a small town in Arizona and proceeds to spend the majority of the movie complaining about it.

Seriously, I could relate to Kendall to an extent.  We both have red hair.  We both have asthma.  We both hate snakes.  We both wear high heels in the desert.  We’ve both run outside in our underwear after coming across a tarantula in our house.  But, even with all that in mind, even I quickly got annoyed with listening to her complain about every little thing.  Her father got her a job at the Arizona newspaper so, of course, Kendall calls him up to complain about the desert.  An old man stops and helps to shoo a snake away from Kendall’s car so, of course, Kendall gives him the glare of death when he casually calls her “sweetie.”  (The guy’s 70 and was clearly not hitting on Kendall so maybe he can be forgiven for not speaking like a 30-something grad student.)  Kendall shows up late for her job interview so, of course, she complains about the newspaper to her editor (Eric Roberts).  Kendall gets a place to live, rent-free.  She complains about the house being located near a mental hospital.  Kendall’s co-worker, Ginger (Teri Lee), sets Kendall up with both a handsome cowboy (Marco Dapper) and the richest man in town (Peter Greene) and, of course, Kendall finds an excuse to complain about it.

Eventually, a plot of sorts kicks in.  Kendall investigates the death of her predecessor and discovers that the sheriff (Dean Cain) doesn’t seem to be all the interested in solving any of the murders that seem to occur around town.  She also tries to set up an interview with Dr. Price (Daniel Baldwin), the owner of the mental hospital, but it turns out that he doesn’t want to talk to her.  He doesn’t care that she once wrote a series of articles about mental health in Philadelphia.  (Yikes!  I’ve seen Parking Wars so I can only guess how scary that must have been.)

Kendall hears strange voices in her house and spiders keep showing up at inopportune moments.  Who can she trust?  Who is the bad guy here?  The rich guy or the salt-of-the-Earth cowboy dude?  Well, I won’t spoil the film.  I will say that the plot had potential but the poor pacing and the unlikable lead character eventually combine to do this movie in.

Eric Roberts is his usual avuncular self in this film.  He spends most of his scenes sitting behind a desk.  The rest of the film’s celebrity cameo budget was apparently spent on Dean Cain and Daniel Baldwin, both of whom seem rather bored with the whole thing.

Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed:

  1. Star 80 (1983)
  2. Runaway Train (1985)
  3. Blood Red (1989)
  4. The Ambulance (1990)
  5. The Lost Capone (1990)
  6. Love, Cheat, & Steal (1993)
  7. Voyage (1993)
  8. Love Is A Gun (1994)
  9. Sensation (1994)
  10. Dark Angel (1996)
  11. Doctor Who (1996)
  12. Most Wanted (1997)
  13. Mercy Streets (2000)
  14. Raptor (2001)
  15. Wolves of Wall Street (2002)
  16. Mr. Brightside (2004)
  17. Six: The Mark Unleased (2004)
  18. Hey You (2006)
  19. Amazing Racer (2009)
  20. In The Blink of an Eye (2009)
  21. Bed & Breakfast (2010)
  22. Enemies Among Us (2010)
  23. The Expendables (2010) 
  24. Sharktopus (2010)
  25. Beyond The Trophy (2012)
  26. The Dead Want Women (2012)
  27. Deadline (2012)
  28. The Mark (2012)
  29. Miss Atomic Bomb (2012)
  30. Bonnie And Clyde: Justified (2013)
  31. Lovelace (2013)
  32. The Mark: Redemption (2013)
  33. Self-Storage (2013)
  34. A Talking Cat!?! (2013)
  35. This Is Our Time (2013)
  36. Inherent Vice (2014)
  37. Road to the Open (2014)
  38. Rumors of War (2014)
  39. Amityville Death House (2015)
  40. A Fatal Obsession (2015)
  41. Las Vegas Story (2015)
  42. Stalked By My Doctor (2015)
  43. Enemy Within (2016)
  44. Joker’s Poltergeist (2016)
  45. Prayer Never Fails (2016)
  46. Stalked By My Doctor: The Return (2016)
  47. The Wrong Roommate (2016)
  48. Dark Image (2017)
  49. Black Wake (2018)
  50. Frank and Ava (2018)
  51. Stalked By My Doctor: Patient’s Revenge (2018)
  52. Clinton Island (2019)
  53. Monster Island (2019)
  54. The Reliant (2019)
  55. The Savant (2019)
  56. Seven Deadly Sins (2019)
  57. Stalked By My Doctor: A Sleepwalker’s Nightmare (2019)
  58. The Wrong Mommy (2019)
  59. Exodus of a Prodigal Son (2020)
  60. Free Lunch Express (2020)
  61. Her Deadly Groom (2020)
  62. Top Gunner (2020)
  63. Deadly Nightshade (2021)
  64. The Elevator (2021)
  65. Just What The Doctor Ordered (2021)
  66. Killer Advice (2021)
  67. Night Night (2021)
  68. The Poltergeist Diaries (2021)
  69. The Rebels of PT-218 (2021)
  70. A Town Called Parable (2021)
  71. Bleach (2022)
  72. My Dinner With Eric (2022)
  73. D.C. Down (2023)
  74. Aftermath (2024)
  75. Devil’s Knight (2024)
  76. The Wrong Life Coach (2024)
  77. When It Rains In L.A. (2025

 

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 3.7 “Happy To Be Here”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

This week, Bayliss loses it!

Episode 3.7 “Happy To Be Here”

(Dir by Lee Bonner, originally aired on November 18th, 1994)

This week’s episode was depressing even by Homicide standards.

Felton’s wife is still missing.  Felton confronts both Kay and Megan, convinced that they know something about it.  Does it ever occur to Felton that maybe, just maybe, he wouldn’t have so much trouble in his marriage if he wasn’t always stumbling around like hulking dunk, sweating through his shirt and smoking up a storm?  Be the change, Felton.  Be the change.

Sam Thorne, the journalist played by Joe Morton, is assassinated by a Colombian cartel.  It turns out that his assassin was a teenager who agreed to do it in return for a new bike.  Giardello is shaken by the death of his friend and there’s a wonderfully acted scene in which Giardello visits Sam’s daughter (Maggie Rush).  This storyline served to remind the viewer that Yaphet Kotto, even if he spends most of the show in his office, really is the glue that holds this show together.  He’s the heart and the moral soul of Homicide.

Meanwhile, Bayliss has gone from being the clean-cut rookie to being someone who appears to be on the verge of having a complete and total breakdown.  He’s still seeing Emma Zoole and Lewis is still angry with him about it.  Emma likes to make love in a coffin.  Bayliss can accept that.  Emma wants Bayliss to hit her and that pushes Bayliss over the edge.  When he stops by a convenience store to pick up a six-pack of beer, he discovers that he’s a few pennies short.  The clerk says it doesn’t matter.  He can’t sell Bayliss the beer.  Bayliss responds by drawing his gun and robbing the place!  When the police arrive, Bayliss is sitting in his car and drinking a beer.

So, I guess Bayliss is going to prison now, right?  No, not in Baltimore.  Instead, Bayliss shows off his badge.  When that doesn’t work, he calls Pembleton.  Pembleton comes down to the store and gets the clerk to drop the charges in exchange for Bayliss serving as an unpaid security guard.  At the end of the episode, Bayliss is sitting in front of that store and hopefully thinking about how close he came to being sent to prison.

This was a good episode, one that looked at the pressure that goes along with being exposed to the worst that humanity has to offer.  Bayliss holding that store was a scene that probably should not have worked but it did, due to the performance of Kyle Secor.  In a manner of minutes, Secor took Bayliss from being tired but friendly to being so angry that I was worried he was actually going to shoot the clerk.  Not only did we see Bayliss’s dark side but we also saw Pembleton’s good side as he went out of his way to keep his partner from going to prison.

How much darker can things get in Baltimore?  We’ll find out next week!

The Eric Roberts Collection: Devil’s Knight (dir by Adam Werth)


2024’s Devil’s Knight opens in the kingdom of Veroka.  A group of thieves all discuss what they’ve stolen over the course of the day.  The leader of the thieves is named Orwell.  Another thief — played by Daniel Baldwin — is named Camus.  The group is joined by as stranger named Sigurd (John Wells), a man who has only one eye.  He tells them the story of how he and his friends — The Lost Blades — were hired to vanquish the fearsome Bone Devil….

Yep, it’s one of those type of movies.  There’s a lot of sword fights.  There’s a lot of monsters.  There’s a hint of sorcery, though not as much as you might expect from a movie like this.  The thieves are named after philosophers.  The huge cast is full of streaming stars and a handful of actors who are known for appearing in just about anything.  Kevin Sorbo plays Baldur, the noble head of the king’s guards.  Angie Everhart plays the Duchess who speaks French despite living in a mythical kingdom.  Eric Roberts shows up as Lord Sussex.  He only onscreen for a few minutes, though he does get a few funny lines.  Sadly, Roberts doesn’t even get to fight a monster.  At least Sorbo gets a big battle scene.

Here’s the thing, though.  Taken on its own terms, Devil’s Knight is a lot of fun.  You can tell it was made by people who have a genuine love for the sword and sorcery genre and there’s enough intentional humor to keep things interesting.  With the exception of some blood splatter, there’s also a definite lack of CGI.  The monsters are played by actual actors wearing costumes and under makeup and it’s surprisingly effective.  The film’s plot is not always easy to follow.  In the tradition of many medeival legends, the film’s story really is just one random incident after another, the majority of which lead to a fight and at least a few deaths.  The cast is huge but few of the characters are still alive by the end of the movie.  Monsters aren’t something to mess with and I actually appreciated that the film was willing to even kill off the characters who usually survive a film like this.  It really did create the feeling that anyone could die if they ran into a monster in a hallway.  (Even the stereotypical princess-who-wants-to-be-a-warrior character was taken in a surprising direction.)  The film moves quickly with a lot of energy and enthusiasm.  I enjoyed it.

Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed:

  1. Star 80 (1983)
  2. Runaway Train (1985)
  3. Blood Red (1989)
  4. The Ambulance (1990)
  5. The Lost Capone (1990)
  6. Love, Cheat, & Steal (1993)
  7. Voyage (1993)
  8. Love Is A Gun (1994)
  9. Sensation (1994)
  10. Dark Angel (1996)
  11. Doctor Who (1996)
  12. Most Wanted (1997)
  13. Mercy Streets (2000)
  14. Wolves of Wall Street (2002)
  15. Mr. Brightside (2004)
  16. Six: The Mark Unleased (2004)
  17. Hey You (2006)
  18. Amazing Racer (2009)
  19. In The Blink of an Eye (2009)
  20. Enemies Among Us (2010)
  21. The Expendables (2010) 
  22. Sharktopus (2010)
  23. Beyond The Trophy (2012)
  24. The Dead Want Women (2012)
  25. Deadline (2012)
  26. The Mark (2012)
  27. Miss Atomic Bomb (2012)
  28. Bonnie And Clyde: Justified (2013)
  29. Lovelace (2013)
  30. The Mark: Redemption (2013)
  31. Self-Storage (2013)
  32. A Talking Cat!?! (2013)
  33. This Is Our Time (2013)
  34. Inherent Vice (2014)
  35. Road to the Open (2014)
  36. Rumors of War (2014)
  37. Amityville Death House (2015)
  38. A Fatal Obsession (2015)
  39. Stalked By My Doctor (2015)
  40. Enemy Within (2016)
  41. Joker’s Poltergeist (2016)
  42. Prayer Never Fails (2016)
  43. Stalked By My Doctor: The Return (2016)
  44. The Wrong Roommate (2016)
  45. Dark Image (2017)
  46. Black Wake (2018)
  47. Frank and Ava (2018)
  48. Stalked By My Doctor: Patient’s Revenge (2018)
  49. Clinton Island (2019)
  50. Monster Island (2019)
  51. The Reliant (2019)
  52. The Savant (2019)
  53. Seven Deadly Sins (2019)
  54. Stalked By My Doctor: A Sleepwalker’s Nightmare (2019)
  55. The Wrong Mommy (2019)
  56. Exodus of a Prodigal Son (2020)
  57. Free Lunch Express (2020)
  58. Her Deadly Groom (2020)
  59. Top Gunner (2020)
  60. Deadly Nightshade (2021)
  61. The Elevator (2021)
  62. Just What The Doctor Ordered (2021)
  63. Killer Advice (2021)
  64. The Poltergeist Diaries (2021)
  65. The Rebels of PT-218 (2021)
  66. A Town Called Parable (2021)
  67. Bleach (2022)
  68. My Dinner With Eric (2022)
  69. Aftermath (2024)
  70. The Wrong Life Coach (2024)
  71. When It Rains In L.A. (2025)

An Offer You Can’t Refuse: Irish Eyes (dir by Daniel McCarthy)


First released in 2004, Irish Eyes tells the story of two brother, born eleven months apart.

Tom Phelan (John Novak) is the older brother, the one who is destined to go to law school, join the Justice Department, and to marry Erin (Veronica Carpenter), the daughter of one of Boston’s most prominent attorneys.  Tom’s future lies in politics.  As he makes his reputation by taking down members of the Boston underworld, he finds himself being groomed for attorney general and then who knows what else.

Sean Phelan (Daniel Baldwin) is the younger brother.  Haunted by the murder of his father and stuck at home taking care of his mother (Alberta Watson) while Tom goes to college, Sean soon pursues a life of crime.  He falls under the influence of the Irish mob, led by Kevin Kilpatrick (Wings Hauser).  Sean quickly works his way up the ranks.  It doesn’t matter how much time he does in prison.  It doesn’t matter how many people he has to kill.  It doesn’t matter if it alienates the woman that he loves or if it damages his brother’s political career, Sean is a career criminal.  It’s the one thing that he knows.  When Sean finds himself as the head of the Irish mob and also the American connection for the IRA, his activities are originally overlooked by his brother.  Sean even threatens a reporter who makes the mistake of mentioning that Sean and Tom are brothers.  But soon, Tom has no choice but to come after his brother.  What’s more important?  Family or politics?

Obviously (if loosely) based on Boston’s Bulger Brothers (Whitey became a feared criminal while brother John became a prominent Massachusetts politico), Irish Eyes doesn’t really break any no ground.  Every mob cliché is present here and so is every Boston cliché.  Don’t rat on the family.  Don’t betray your friends.  The only way to move up is to make a move on whoever has the spot above you.  Every bar is full of angry Irish-Americans.  Every fight on the street turns deadly.  Everyone is obsessed with crime or politics.  The film, to its credits, resists the temptation to have everyone speak in a bad Boston accent.  (The Boston accent, much like the Southern accent, is one of the most abused accents in film.)  Sean narrates the films and you better believe he hits all of the expected points about life on the street.

That said, it’s an effective film with enough grit and good performances to overcome the fact that it’s just a wee predictable.  Daniel Baldwin is appropriately regretful as Sean and John Novak does a good job of capturing the conflict between Tom’s love of family and his own political ambitions.  Curtis Armstrong shows up and is surprisingly convincing as a psychotic IRA assassin.  Admittedly, the main reason that I watched this film was because Wings Hauser was third-billed in the credits.  Hauser only appears in a handful of very short scenes and that’s a shame.  In those few scenes, he has the rough charisma necessary to be believable as the crime boss who holds together the neighborhood and it’s hard not to regret that he didn’t get more to do in the film.  That said, the film still works for what it is.  It’s a good mob movie.

This film was originally entitled Irish Eyes.  On Tubi, it can be found under the much clunkier name, Vendetta: No Conscience, No Mercy.

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 3.6 “A Model Citizen”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

No one’s happy this week.

Episode 3.6 “A Model Citizen”

(Dir by John McNaughton, originally aired on November 11th, 1994)

Welcome to Baltimore, where everyone is depressed.  Consider this week’s episode of Homicide: Life On The Street.

  1. The episode opens with Munch, Bolander, Howard, and Felton in a morgue, waiting for the results of an autopsy.  They start talking about the shows that they watched as children and how many of them had their origins right in Baltimore.  Of course, none of those shows are on the air anymore.  Munch mentions his favorite childhood shows and is ridiculed for liking things when he was a kid.
  2. Emma Zoole (Lauren Tom), an artist who makes models of crime scenes for use in criminal court, stops by the department.  She’s looking for Steve Crosetti, to get his input on a recreation.  Meldrick Lewis tells her that Crosetti’s dead but he offers to help.  Lewis has a crush.  However, Emma likes Bayliss and Bayliss likes Emma.  Bayliss is even turned on by the fact that Emma sleeps in a coffin.  However, when Bayliss sees how upset Lewis is over his relationship with Emma, Bayliss tries to break up with her.  They end up having sex in the coffin instead.
  3. That’s it!, Lewis declares.  He cannot go into the bar business with Tim Bayliss.  Then again, there might not be a bar business anyway because Munch got kicked out of the state-required alcohol awareness class.  Munch, for whatever reason, decided to argue about whether or not a bartender could really be held responsible for getting someone drunk.
  4. Pembleton, Russert, and the city of Baltimore are all being sued by serial killer Pamela Wilgis.  Wilgis claims that Pembleton violated her civil rights when he interrogated her.  Pembleton’s entire interrogation style is put on trial.  He feels like he’s being attacked on all sides.  Finally, Pembleton gets depressed enough to reenter a church, even though he earlier claimed to no longer have any use for religion.
  5. Munch and Howard investigate the accidental shooting of a child by his older brother.  Much gets extremely upset while searching for the gun, taking Howard totally be surprise.  Howard comes to realize that Much actually cares about protecting children from violence and Munch realizes that the world is a terrible place.
  6. Beau Felton returns to his house and discovers that both his wife and his son have left and they’ve taken all the furniture with them.  Goodbye is scrawled, in lipstick, on the bathroom mirror.
  7. Much ends up sitting outside, staring at the ground while Lewis and then Howard both talk to him about how much life sucks.
  8. No one wants to end up like Steve Crosetti, Howard says at one point.  Good luck!  This job is depressing!

This was a good episode, one that really captured the emotional turmoil of seeing the worse that humanity has to offer while, at the same time, acknowledging that depressed people often use humor to deal with their feelings.  A few of Munch’s and Lewis’s line made me laugh out loud but seriously, I felt so bad for both of them!

Hopefully, everyone will have cheered up by next week.

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 3.5 “The Last Of The Watermen”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

If you’re checking with the imdb and saying, “You’re reviewing these out of order!,” I’m reviewing them in the order that they were meant to air as opposed to the order by which NBC showed them.

Episode 3.5 “The Last of the Watermen”

(Dir by Richard Pearce, originally aired on December 9th, 1994)

We learn a bit more about the personal lives of Baltimore’s Homicide detectives with this episode.

For instance, we discover that Munch and Gee living in the same neighborhood.  When Gee, whose washing machine has broken down, visits the local laundromat, he’s not necessarily overjoyed to see Munch sitting there.  Munch talks and talks.  Gee lights a cigar and tries to read his newspaper in peace.  Munch keeps talking.  Gee points out that it’s the weekend and he doesn’t like to talk to anyone on the weekend.  Sunday is his day.  Munch nods and then keeps talking.  Gee stands up and moves to another part of the laundromat.

We also get to meet Kay Howard’s family.  Disgusted by the latest murder scene that she and Beau have come across and the fact that an elderly woman was murdered and her tongue was subsequently cut out and then stuffed down her throat (yikes!), Kay decides that she’s due some vacation time.  She leaves Baltimore and drives out to the local fishing village where she grew up.  She spends time with her father and her brother and a guy who she once had a romantic relationship with.  She visits her mother’s grave.  It’s interesting to see Kay outside of Baltimore and to see how she interacts with family.  It was so interesting that I was kind of annoyed that she still ended up working a murder.  A local environmental activist is murdered.  Kay worries that the murderer might have been her brother but it turns out to have been another fisherman.  I mean, I get it.  The show is called Homicide and Kay is a detective but still, I would have been just as happy if the show had just focused on her family and their rituals.  This episode is 30 years old but the scenes of the blue collar fishermen talking about how they were being “regulated” out of their life’s work still rang true.

While Kay was visiting family, Felton got a temporary new partner and you’ve probably already guessed that it was Pembleton.  This is not the first time that Pembleton has been assigned to work with Felton.  The pilot featured that classic scene of Pembleton checking car-after-car while Felton complained about Pembleton always having to be right.  Felton and Pembleton do make for an interesting team, if just because they do seem to sincerely dislike each other.  (I also enjoyed Gee’s half-smile as Pembleton reacted to the news that he would be working with Felton.)  In this case, Pembleton and Felton working together didn’t lead to any great fireworks, other than Felton reacting with shock at the idea of Pembleton preferring hockey to basketball.  The killer of the elderly woman turned out to be her grandson who said he did it because she wouldn’t stop talking.  That was sad, to be honest.  Grandmothers are supposed to talk.  Felton and Pembleton dragged the kid off to jail.

This was an okay episode.  After the emotional powerhouse of Crosetti, it was good to get something that was a bit more lowkey.  It was nice to be reminded that everyone has a family.

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 3.4 “Crosetti”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

This week, we discover why Steve Crosetti has not come back to work.

Episode 3.4 “Crosetti”

(Dir by Whitney Ransick, originally aired on December 2nd, 1994)

Detective Steve Crosetti has yet to return from a week-long vacation in Atlantic City.  When Giardello asks Lewis where Crosetti is, Lewis lies and says that he has the flu.  In truth, Lewis hasn’t heard from Crosetti but he remains convinced that his partner will soon return and will once again be annoying him with all of his theories about Abraham Lincoln.

Meanwhile, Bolander and Munch are called to the harbor.  A body has been fished out of the water.  The body has been in the water for a while and, from what we see, its bloated and the skin has turned the purplish color of decay.  Bolander and Munch have no idea who the man is but they see that he’s wearing a lapel pin that identifies him as a member of the Fraternal Order of Policeman.  They check the body for ID….

Lewis is called in Giardello’s office.  Giardello tells Lewis that Steve Crosetti is dead.  His body was found in the harbor.  Bolander is investigating but all signs seem to indicate that Crosetti’s death was a suicide.  Lewis refuses to believe it.  He is convinced that Crosetti was murdered, perhaps by someone he investigated.  Lewis takes out his anger on Bolander and Munch, feeling that they’re attempting to besmirch Crosett’s reputation by even considering the possibility of suicide.

It’s more than just Lewis’s feelings at stake.  If Bolander determines that Crosetti committed suicide, it will make him the fourth Baltimore cop to have committed suicide that year.  The brass says that Crosetti won’t get an honor guard if it’s determined that he committed suicide.  Giardello subtly suggests that Bolander should rule the death of homicide.  Bolander suggests that committing suicide was Crosetti’s final statement.   Who are they to ignore a man’s final statement?

In the end, the toxicology results reveal that Crosetti was drunk when he fell in the harbor, leading to Lewis saying the death was an accident.  Munch then reveals that Crosetti was also taking several anti-depressants at the time of his death and Lewis is finally forced to admit that Crosetti was not murdered.  Crosetti does not get his honor guard, though Pembleton, after spending the whole episode acting as if he didn’t care, puts on his full dress uniform and salutes as Crosetti’s casket passes.

This was an incredibly powerful episode, all the more so because no explanation is given as to what specifically led to Crosetti taking his own life.  The genesis behind the episode was not a happy one.  One of NBC’s conditions for renewing Homicide for a third season was that Jon Polito, who was not considered photogenic enough for television, be written out.  Showrunner Tom Fontana told Polito it would only be a temporary thing and that Crosetti would return once the show had been renewed for a fourth season.  Polito didn’t believe Fontana and went to the press, complaining about how the show was being run.  As a result, Crosetti ended his life.  (Polito and Fontana later ended their feud, allowing Polito to return as a ghost at the end of Homicide: The Movie.)  The show uses Crosetti’s suicide as a way to explore the psychological impact of being a cop as well as the impossibility of truly knowing what’s going on inside anyone’s head.  Only after Crosetti’s suicide has been confirmed can Lewis look back and see certain signs that Crosetti was unhappy.

Wonderfully acted and wonderfully written, this episode is a dark one but, as so often happens with life’s darker moments, there are moments of humor.  Pembleton brags about his parallel parking skills, just to discover that he can’t actually pull out afterwards.  An attempt to buy cookies for Crosetti’s reception leads to a fierce argument between Bayliss and Pembleton, regarding both the price of cookies and whether or not the baker was actually Italian.  We meet Munch’s younger brother, a rather bitter mortician.  When Lewis cleans out Crosetti’s desk, the first thing he pulls out is a slinky.  These are small moments but they affirm the humanity of the show’s characters and reminds us that the show and this episode in general is as much about living as it is about dying.

Steve Crosetti, RIP.