Tell Me That You Love My 6 Trailers, Wanda June

Posted on June 4, 2011 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Okay, so after months and months of it being strangely cold and pleasant down here in Texas, this week the temperature suddenly shot up to 100 degrees and everyone’s going outside and mowing their freaking lawns. Which means that it smells like freshly cut grass outside (BLEH!) and every time I step through the front door, my allergies go insane and I end up getting sick! Seriously, I was so sick last night that I ended up staying in for the night and resting, which for some reason my evil sister took as an invitation to attempt to “braid” my hair. Anyway, as I sit here trying to get the tangles out of my hair (ouch!), why not check out the latest edition of Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation Trailers?

The title of this weekend’s edition, by the way, is a really obvious homage to a film directed by Otto Preminger. And no, it’s not Skidoo.

1) Nightmares (1983)

For some reason, this anthology seems to pop up on TBS, TNT, USA,, and WGN a lot. Actually, is WGN actually a cable station? It sounds made up. Anyway, I hate anthology films. Seriously, they always suck so bad and the people who make them are always so freaking proud of themselves. I mean, seriously — what’s going on with that? Anyway, it seems like every time I come across it, I end up seeing the part where Emilio Estevez gets attacked by the Bishop of Battle.

2) The Wild Beasts (1984)

Yes, I’ve done some research and guess what? This film is Italian! Yay! Anyway, this trailer informs us that somebody has given all the animals at the zoo a “deadly” dose of PCP. Okay, so if it’s a deadly dose, then why do they apparently end up going crazy and attacking humans? I mean, seriously, shouldn’t they be dead?

3) The Principal (1987)

Okay, I first came across the trailer on YouTube many months ago while I was searching for film clips for an abandoned post about teaching-centric grindhouse films. This trailer has, for some reason, become something of an obsession of mine and it’s because I still have some doubts as to whether or not this film actually exists. Because, seriously, the trailer is just like a check list of every cliché that we associate with an out-of-control school thriller. And then it stars Jim Belushi? Seriously, this can’t be a real movie. Except I did some research and apparently, there’s a lot of people who think it is real. And you can order it off of Amazon. Not that I’m planning on doing so because Jim Belushi is just like bleh to me.

4) The Giant Spider Invasion (1975)

Judging from this trailer, an equally appropriate title for this film would have been The Countryass Girls Who Run Around In Their Underwear Invasion. While that may sound like stereotyping, it’s okay because I actually am a countryass girl who runs around in her underwear. Seeing as how we’re always getting victimized in movies like this, I’ve started a support group for us, called Hicks In Panties or HIP for short.

Anyway, I actually have some trouble watching this trailer because — Oh. My. God. — I hate spiders! Like I was talking to a friend of mine once and she told me about this time she was on a horse and she ended up riding right through a spider’s web and I was just like, “Girl, how are you still alive? I’d have to kill myself I’d be so worried about having little spider eggs hatching in my nasal cavities after something like that.” Anyway, she said that didn’t make any sense at all so I think she’s kinda fooling herself.

5) Disco Godfather (1979)

Disco Godfather! This was Rudy Ray Moore’s follow-up to Dolemite. I haven’t seen either one of them but this trailer features two of my favorite things: poetry and dancing!

6) Police Women (1974)

Okay, let’s end this edition with a little bit of redhead empowerment with the trailer for Lee Frost’s Police Women.

On a final note, stop mowing your freaking lawn, people! Lisa needs to go out for the weekend!

6 Trailers That Are Partying…Partying…Partying…Yeah!

Posted on May 28, 2011 by Lisa Marie Bowman

As Rebecca Black recently reminded us all, Saturday comes after Friday. However, she neglected to say anything about the fact that Saturday also means another edition of Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation trailers.

Stuck-up bitch.

Anyway, it is indeed Saturday and here’s this weekend’s humble offerings…

1) Sweet Jesus Preacherman (1973)

To me, this first offering actually feels more like a parody trailer (like Machete or Hobo With A Shotgun) than an actual trailer. But no, Sweet Jesus Preacherman appears to be an actual film.

2) The Soldier (1982)

This was directed by James Glickenhaus, who directed The Exterminator. According to the commentary track on one of the 42nd Street Forever DVDs, Glickenhaus felt that The Soldier would help him break into mainstream films and, though I’m not a huge fan of action movies, the trailer does look fairly exciting. Plus, if you watch the whole without blinking, you might catch a split-second appearance from Klaus Kinski. Supposedly, Kinski was offered a role in both this film and Raiders of the Lost Ark. Kinski chose to appear in The Soldier.

3) The Great Silence (1968)

Speaking of Klaus Kinski, he’s also featured in our next trailer, The Great Silence. Directed by Sergio Corbucci, The Great Silence has been acclaimed as one of the greatest spaghetti westerns of all time. This film’s title refers to the fact that the nominal hero (played by Jean-Louis Trintignant) is a mute. The trailer also features Ennio Morricone’s excellent score.

4) Flesh Gordon (1974)

There were actually two versions of this film — an explicit one and a slightly less explicit one. I’m guessing this trailer was used to advertise the slightly less explicit version.

5) The Devil’s Rain (1975)

In this film, William Shatner, Eddie Albert, Tom Skerritt, and Ida Lupino battle Satanists (and Ernest Borgnine) in New Mexico. Though he’s not mentioned in the trailer, John Travolta made his film debut here. He plays a member of Borgnine’s cult. This trailer — with its promise of the greatest ending of all time — is a drive-in classic.

6) Dolemite (1975)

Let’s end how we began, with a blaxploitation trailer. I do have to say that, as a character, Dolemite looks a bit more interesting that Sweet Jesus Preacherman. Plus, the Dolemite trailer rhymes.

Remember that Monday is Memorial Day so, if nothing else, take a few minutes to remember the men and women who have fought to allow us to live in a country where we can watch movies like Dolemite, Flesh Gordon, and Sweet Jesus Preacherman.

12 Trailers In Case of the Rapture, Part Two

Posted on May 21, 2011 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hi there! It’s Saturday morning — are you still with us? If you’re not, don’t worry. You have all day to get raptured. Until then, here’s the second part of this weekend’s edition of Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation Trailers.

(And if you haven’t read part one, it’s right here.)

Anyway, let’s waste no more time because who knows how long we’ve got left.

7) Requiem for a Vampire (1971)

Seeing as this could very well be the last things that I ever post or that you ever read pre-Rapture, there’s no way I can’t start things out without including this trailer for Jean Rollin’s unique, twisted, and very French vampire fairy tale, Requiem for a Vampire. One thing to note here is that when this film was released in the U.S., the American distributor felt the need to emphasize that the two girls were virgins and even went so far as to retitle the film Caged Virgins. However, the original French print of this film makes no reference to whether or not the girls are virgins and, despite all that happens to them in the film, the girls themselves are never presented as being helpless. Whenever I feel the need to explain the difference between American culture and French culture, this is one of the examples I always cite.

8 ) Kenner (1969)

Jim Brown is Kenner! And that’s about all I really know about this film. Well, that and small bundles of heroin are worth millions…

9) The Three Dimensions of Greta (1973)

I was recently reading about 3-D Sex and Zen: Extreme Ecstasy, a movie from Hong Kong that is apparently setting box office records because it’s being advertised as the first 3-D pornographic film. And, as the linked article shows, a lot of people are reporting that claim as fact. And they’re wrong. 3-D Sex and Zen might be the first recent 3-D porn film but it’s hardly the first. There was a spate of 3-D porn films in the mid-70s and one of my favorite trailers (which I can’t post here because 1) it’s too explict and 2) I can’t remember the title of the film) features a stereotypical, curly-haired, guy with a mustache type of porno actor going, “Soon, my giant schlong with be hanging right over the head of that redhead in the 3rd seat in the backrow.” And of course, I was all like, “Oh my God, can he see me through the screen!?” Anyway, the 3 Dimensions of Greta was a part of this wave. This is another one of those trailers that will probably be yanked off YouTube in a few more days (assuming there isn’t a Rapture first).

(By the way, why were so many porno films made about girls named Greta? I mean, was that name a turn-on? Were the films of the 70s exclusively made by guys named Hansel? Seriously, boys are weird.)

10) The Violent Professionals (1973)

They’re violent alright! Before the Italian exploitation industry devoted itself to cannibals and zombies, they devoted themselves to ripping off The French Connection and The Godfather. This film from Sergio Martino actually features Don Barzini himself, Richard Conte.

11) Wonderwall (1968)

If I didn’t tell you this film was from 1968, you’d guess it just from watching the trailer. The soundtrack was done by George Harrison. Though this film was certainly not designed to be an exploitation film in the way most of the other films featured here were, it definitely is one.

12) The Beyond (1981)

Can you believe I went this long without featuring the trailer for Lucio Fulci’s best known (after Zombi 2) film? Well, I love Fulci, I love this film, and I was waiting for the right occasion to feature this trailer. And the end of the possible end of the world seemed like the right time. Anyway, this is one of those love it or hate it films (and I know that one of our regular readers is not a huge fan of this film but I love him anyway). At his best, director Lucio Fulci made some of the most visually stunning and dramatically incoherent films ever and never was that more apparent than with the Beyond. Out of the film’s cast, Catriona MacColl plays one of the few strong women to ever appear in a Fulci film while David Warbeck (a personal fave of mine) is the perfect hero. My favorite performance in the film (and a lot of this has to do with the fact that she co-starred in one of my favorite movies ever, Beyond the Darkness) is given by Cinzia Monreale, who plays the blind Emily.

And so there you go. If you do get raptured later today, thank you for reading. It’s been a pleasure telling you about the films I love and hopefully, someday, we’ll all meet in the beyond.

And if, as I suspect, there is no rapture today, I look forward to sharing even more.

Ciao!

12 Trailers In Case of The Rapture, Part One

Posted on May 20, 2011 by Lisa Marie Bowman

So, last night, I was selecting which trailer to feature in the upcoming weekend’s edition of Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation trailers when it was pointed out to me that the Rapture is apparently scheduled for Saturday. Now, I have to admit — this kind of annoys me because I really look forward to my Saturdays. So, if I get raptured, I miss out on my favorite day of the week and if I don’t get raptured …. well, it’s just a lose-lose situation for me.

It also annoys me because it means that, potentially, there won’t be anyone around to read my latest post. Well, I guess there will be a lot of atheists, agnostics, heathens, Unitarians, Canadians, and (if it turns out the Protestants are correct) Catholics around but I imagine they’ll be more upset about not being raptured. And since I’m a Catholic but not a very good one, I’ll be screwed twice and not in a fun, college sorta way either.

Anyway, with all that in mind, I’m going to do an early super-sized collection of Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation Trailers. In order to keep things manageable, I’m going to divide this weekend’s (potentially final) edition into two posts of 6 trailers each.

Here’s part one:

1) Super Fuzz (1980)

Since I imagine everyone might be bummed out because either 1) the Rapture happened or 2) the Rapture did not happen, I’m going to start things out with a trailer for Sergio Corbucci’s 1980 comedy Super Fuzz. Now, to be honest, Super Fuzz doesn’t look that funny but maybe people had a different sense of humor back in 1980. The important thing is that the movie stars Terrence Hill and it’s “just for the fun of it!”

2) The Exterminator (1980)

But, apparently, crime wasn’t all fun and games in the 80s. I guess when Super Fuzz couldn’t get the job done, they called in the Exterminator. No, not Dale Gribble! That’s King of the Hill, silly. No, the Exterminator appears to be an urban vigilante of some sort. I imagine will see a lot of his type post-Rapture.

3) College Girls (1968)

This trailer is for College Girls which appears to be some sort of late 60s softcore film. I’m not sure that there’s anything really that special about this trailer as much as it’s just always odd to me see these old school sex films and think to myself, “Oh my God, people in black-and-white movies actually do have sex!” Fair Warning: There’s a lot of nudity in this trailer (actually, it’s pretty much just 4 minutes of nudity) along with some out-dated social attitudes so if that offends you, don’t watch it. In fact, I’m kinda surprised that YouTube hasn’t taken it down yet.

(By the way, I checked on Amazon to see if this was available on DVD and oh my God, do you have any idea how many movies there with the words “College Girls” in the title!? Anyway, as far as I can tell, this movie is not available on DVD. Still, searching through all those countless Girls Gone Wild video releases reminded me why I let out a little cheer of delight when Jerry O’Connell got devoured in Piranha 3-D.)

4) The Devil’s Nightmare (1971)

Assuming that we’re all still on the planet after this weekend, I’m going to have to write a tribute to my fellow redhead Erika Blanc, one of the true icons of the European Grindhouse. Until then, here’s a trailer for one of her best films, The Devil’s Nightmare.

5) Slaughterhouse Rock (1988)

I’ve never seen Slaughterhouse Rock though, just judging from the trailer and the year it was made, I imagine that it’s probably not quite as good a film as The Devil’s Nightmare. Just a feeling I’ve got, mind you. However, this film apparently has a cult following because of the film’s new wave soundtrack. I just like the trailer because apparently, choreographer Toni Basil is playing a ghost who can raise the dead by dancing. I’ve actually tracked down the clip of the dance on YouTube and it’s actually pretty cool. I’ve mastered the moves but I haven’t managed to raise the dead yet. But give me time!

6) Convoy (1978)

Finally, seeing as how the world might be ending tomorrow, let’s close out part one with a trailer for a film that can serve as a stand-in for every misguided decision ever made in Hollywood — 1978’s Convoy. This film, based on that annoying novelty song that some old guy always wants to sing during Kareoke Night, was directed by drug-addled genius Sam Peckinpah and it’s supposedly one of the most cocaine-fueled productions in the history of the movies. (It was also apparently co-directed by James Coburn.) Technically, it’s more of a drive-in movie than a grindhouse film but it’s definitely exploitation.

(By the way, I’ve also read that some people think that the truck in the opening of the trailer is supposed to literally be driving through mountains of cocaine.)

Well, that’s part one of this special edition of Lisa Marie’s favorite grindhouse and exploitation trailers. Part two will be posted early Saturday morning. Don’t let yourself be whisked off to another state of being without checking it out.

Until then…

6 Trailers That Make Lisa Marie Go Yay!

Posted on May 7, 2011 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hi everyone!

I will be the first to admit that I can occasionally be a little moody but tonight, as I sit here typing, I am in such a good, extremely hyper mood. Maybe it’s because I’m wearing my beloved black Pirates shirt. Or it could be because, for once, this house is neither too cold nor too warm. Then again, it could just be because it’s time for me to bring you another edition of Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation Trailers!

1) I Dismember Mama/The Blood-Splattered Bride (1974)

This is a trailer for a “double feature of horror,” featuring I Dismember Mama and The Blood-Splattered Bride. When I’ve spoken with other grindhouse movie fans on the web, this trailer is often cited as being a favorite. Personally, I think it goes along for about a minute too long but I can understand why it’s so popular. For one thing, it’s nothing like the trailers that are currently playing in theaters across America in that it’s a short film in itself. By the way, the trailer for Blood-Splattered bride sans I Dismember Mamma can be viewed here.

2) Killer Nun (1978)

From the wonderful nation of Italy comes this example of the odd little grindhouse genre known as nunsploitation. I can probably count the number of good nunsploitation films on one hand. And yet when confronted with a film like this, I cannot look away. Maybe it’s because I was raised in the Catholic church. Or it could just be because the totally hot and lickable Joe Dallesandro is in so many of them. Along with Dallesandro, Killer Nun features Anita Ekberg of La Dolce Vita fame and Alida Valli of Third Man, Suspiria, and Inferno fame.

(Sidenote: Once when I was going to Catholic school, this really mean, fat girl was jealous of me because I was prettier than her so she whacked me in the face with a ruler so hard that it actually broke the skin right over my right eye and I had to get 3 stitches to close the cut and I’ve still got this little scar and sometimes, when I wink or seductively arch my right eyebrow, it still hurts a little. I hope somebody eventually went all Killer Nun on that girl…)

3) Lady Kung Fu (1972)

When I showed my sister Erin this trailer, she said, “You’re not going to jump up and start trying to do any of that stuff yourself, are you?” “Uhmmm…no,” I replied but, to be honest, I was totally about to do it. I don’t know much about Angela Mao but just, on the basis of this trailer, she’s my hero. This trailer is just infectious and, as I watched, I wondered, “How difficult can it be?” Well, apparently, it’s very difficult but that’s a story for a different time.

4) The Bullet Machine (1969)

“He can hack it!” Uhmmm….well, yes, okay then. At first, I thought I had actually found a trailer that was more violent than the trailer for Massacre Mafia Style but, upon careful reflection, I have to say that Massacre Mafia Style is still the king. The two hitmen in Massacre Mafia Style may not fire as many bullets but they still manage to kill everyone else in the trailer. Whereas The Bullet Machine is constantly shooting his gun but doesn’t really seem to accomplish much as a result. Plus, the mafia hitmen had style whereas the Bullet Machine just seems to be kind of a prick. If ever I have to prove the thesis that most men use guns as a substitute for their own limp penis, this trailer will be exhibit one.

5) Alien 2 (1980)

I don’t know much about this film other than it’s obviously an Italian attempt to capitalize on the success of the original Alien and it is not — as I originally assumed — the same film as Luigi Cozzi’s Alien Contamination. One of the things that I love about Italian exploitation cinema is just the pure shamelessness of it all. I imagine there had to have been about a thousand remakes of Alien in the early 80s but only the Italians would have the balls to actually name a film Alien 2.

As for this trailer, it has its slow spots but seriously, stick with it for the final shot. And remember — you could be next!

(On the plus side, a young Michele Soavi is in this film. YAY!)

6) Fascination (1978)

I’m in such a good mood right now that I’m just going to have to end this latest entry with a little Jean Rollin. Now, just in case anyone out there is unfamiliar with the unique cinematic vision of Jean Rollin, you should understand that this trailer is far more explicit than any of the other trailers featured in this post. In fact, I’m surprised that Youtube hasn’t taken it down yet. So, if you’re easily offended, I don’t know why you would be visiting this site in the first place. But anyways, if you’re easily offended, consider yourself warned.

As for Fascination, it’s actually one of the more accessible of Jean Rollin’s vampire films. The image — seen towards the end of this trailer — of Brigittie LaHaie with a scythe has become iconic.

6 Trailers For A Long-Needed Saturday

Posted on April 30, 2011 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I love Saturday and not just because it’s the weekend! Nor is it just because Saturday is the day that I traditionally go down to either Northpark Mall or the Galleria and spend way too much money on DVDs, book, lingerie, and handbags. I love Saturday because Saturday is the day that I get to bring you another edition of Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation Trailers.

1) Dr. Black, Mr. Hyde (1976)

This trailer rhymes!

2) Raw Meat (1973)

It might not be obvious from the trailer but this is actually a really good, surprisingly somber film. Director Gary Sherman later went on to make the infamous Vice Squad.

3) The Touchables (1968)

The writer of this film, Donald Cammell, later went on to co-direct Mick Jagger in 1970’s Performance. As far as I can tell, The Touchables is not available on DVD. (There is an earlier film called The Touchables that’s available from Something Weird Video but it’s a different movie.) If anyone knows that this film is available, please let me know as I’ve just recently read a book on Cammell and right now, his films are something of an obsession of mine.

4) Stanley (1972)

“Stanley — a snake that learned that only man kills his own kind…” All film trailers use to feature pompous narration but the best exploitation trailers managed to take the standards of pompous narration to such an extent that it became a work of postmodern art. As for Stanley, I actually own this film. It was on one of those 8-movie compilation DVDs that were all the rage a few years ago. The copy I saw looked like it had just been transferred off of a beaten-up VHS tape (and it probably was) but the movie still gave me nightmares because I’ve got a thing about snakes. (By the way, clicking on the above link will lead you not to the copy I watched but to a “special edition” Stanley DVD. To my best knowledge, the special edition looks a lot better than the copy I own.)

5) Johnny Firecloud (1975)

“Johnny Firecloud — a hate story!” This appears to be one of those films that just asks, ‘What else can go wrong?” I mean, not only is Johnny Fireclould having to deal with prejudice but the whole thing apparently involves a nuclear war as well.

6) Goldengirl (1979)

Admittedly, I probably wouldn’t have given this trailer a second thought if not for the fact that I’ve gotten into running lately. Still, this trailer does feature the priceless “You can kiss my feet” scene, a scene that is memorable for a lot of reasons, the least being the look on James Coburn’s face. And remember, you’ll love Goldengirl “even after you know her secret.”

(Interesting sidenote: On Amazon, Goldengirl is only available in VHS form. You can either spend $126 to get a “never before watched” copy or you can spend $4.90 to get a used copy.)

12 Trailers For Easter

Posted on April 23, 2011 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hi there, Happy Easter! Because it’s the holidays and I happen to love Easter (bunny rabbits! — yay!), I’m going to do a special double-sized edition of Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation Trailers.

1) Teen-age Gang Debs (1966)

Let’s start things off with a little old school grindhouse. I like this trailer because I used to be a teen-age gang deb.

2) The Cheerleaders (1973)

In the 60s, there were gang debs and in the 70s, there were cheerleaders. And there were an awful lot of movies about cheerleaders that apparently were a lot more sordid than Bring It On.

3) The Swinging Cheerleaders (1974)

They’re not just cheerleaders — they’re swinging cheerleaders! Believe it or not, this was directed by the same Jack Hill who directed Switchblade Sisters and countless Pam Grier films.

4) The Pom Pom Girls (1976)

Eventually, filmmakers ran out different adjectives to place before the word “Cheerleaders.” And that is how this movie ended up being called The Pom Pom Girls.

5) Cheerleaders Wild Weekend (1978)

When aren’t cheerleaders having a wild weekend?

6) Debbie Does Dallas (1978)

Needless to say, this is the edited version of this particular’s film’s trailer. If I ever get a chance to watch Debbie Does Dallas, I’ll have to because I live in Dallas. And if Debbie thinks she’s going to do Dallas better than I do Dallas, she might want to jump off that dream train. Just saying…

(By the way, I know that there’s a small group of you out there who probably think I’m just using this post an excuse to kid my sister Erin about her high school cheerleading days. Perish the thought! In fact, to prove my good intentions, the next 6 trailers will be, in absolutely no way, related to cheerleading.)

7) Two-Moon Junction (1988)

I’m including this trailer specifically for one of our regular and loyal readers. He knows who he is and here’s hoping he’s having himself a good weekend.

8 ) The Naked Bunyip (1970)

I’ve never seen this film, I just came across it while I was specifically looking up trashy cheerleader-centric trailers on YouTube. It appears to be an Australian mondo film.

9) Black Samson (1974)

A part of me is really curious to see this film just to see if it’s actually based on the bible story.

10) The Thing With Two Heads (1972)

Film looks terrible but I love that tagline: “It seemed like a good idea at the time!” I have a feeling that’s what Ray Milland spent all of 1973 telling himself.

11) Capone (1975)

This was on the Fox Movie Channel earlier this week and I actually set the DVR for it. Ben Gazzara chews the scenery of Al Capone and then a really young Sylvester Stallone pops up as Frank Nitti. This is one of those 70s mafia films that tries to be The Godfather, just with less running time and a smaller budget. It’s kinda boring, to be honest.

12) Cannibal Girls (1973)

And finally…

Happy Easter!

With Love, 6 Trailers From Lisa Marie and Evelyn

Posted on April 16, 2011 by Lisa Marie Bowman

So, last night, I was feeling a bit down for a number of reasons so my BFF Evelyn came over and we had a little slumber party of sorts in my living room. And before everyone does a double take and accuses me of trying to be all like Paris Hilton, let me just explain that when we refer to each other as being “BFFs,” we’re not just being sincere but we’re being postmodernly satiric. It’s kind of the same principle behind why me and my sister Erin tends to casually toss around the word “bitch” whenever we’re having a conversation. Of course, “BFF” doesn’t inspire quite the same reaction from the older folks at the family reunion as “bitch” does but that’s a whole other story.

Anyway, as I informed everyone earlier on twitter, Evelyn and I did all the usual things that you do at a slumber party. We stripped down to our underwear, watched horror movies, ate food that we shouldn’t have eaten, had a violent pillow fight, and swore that we would never reveal the divine secrets of the ya ya sisterhood. I also recruited her to look through all the possible picks for the latest edition of Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation Film Trailers and help me narrow them down to just 6 trailers.

This, she helped me down without (too much) complaint. Though it may not always be apparent, deciding which 6 trailers to feature each week is actually a pretty long and thorough process and it’s one that can be very tedious if you’re not a fan of these movies. I think a lot of people would have said, “Who cares? Just toss up 6 random trailers and be done with it.” Not Evelyn. Even as I forced her to watch some really odd and kinda disturbing trailers, she stuck with it until we had this week’s 6 trailers. She even put up with me explaining to her why a certain trailer was more grindhouse than another. And that is one of the many reasons why I love Evelyn and why she’ll always be my BFF.

And here’s the 6 trailers that she helped me pick for this week…

1) Stigma (1972)

Okay, Evelyn and me both literally fell in love with this trailer from the minute we heard that narrator say “The curse that begins with a kiss.” Needless to say, we both jumped to a conclusion as to what that curse was and let’s just say it wasn’t syphilis. But anyway, this appears to be some sort of cross between an old educational short and a blaxploitation film. I haven’t seen this film yet and hadn’t even heard of it until I came across the trailer but now, it has become one of my obsessions. I must see Stigma. I must find out about the curse that begins with a kiss…

2) The Magic Garden of Stanley Sweetheart (1970)

Wow, isn’t that just the most annoying title ever? It just screams “FILM SCHOOL GRADUATE!” at the top of its trust funded lungs. Still, this trailer does have one line that made me laugh out loud and that line was: “Where am I going?” Otherwise, this trailer is also memorable for the horrid “gingerbread” song that plays over the first few clips . Evelyn claims that the song is now stuck in her head, which is pretty bad since the entire song is basically “something something gingerbread something something gingerbread…” Evelyn thinks that Stanley (played by Don Johnson of A Boy and His Dog and The Harrad Experiment) looks hot in this trailer. I think he’s a little bit too much of a pretty boy. Neither one of us can believe that he later grew up to be the redneck in Machete.

3) Death Journey (1976)

Fred Williamson is …. Jesse Crowder! Despite our different feelings concerning the appeal of Stanley Sweetheart, both Evelyn and I agreed that Jesse Crowder would kick his scrawny little ass. That said, I objected to the “I’m going to bruise you up a little” line towards the end of the trailer but Evelyn defended it, making the argument that Crowder would have bruised up a man with a knife as well.

4) Rivals (1972)

“It could have been … a love story.” Much like Stigma, this is a case of us just falling in love with a overdramatic tag line. Apparently, the film itself appears to be a grindhouse version of Cyrus.

5) Zachariah (1971)

We had to include Zachariah because, as the trailer explains, this was the world’s first electric western. Add to that, Don Johnson looks a bit less fancy here than he did as Stanley Sweetheart.

6) Get Carter (1971)

We saved the best for last. Now, I know that the original Get Carter is such a classic (especially when compared to the Stallone version) that you might wonder if it really belongs here. Well, trust me, it does. Get Carter is pure grindhouse art and this trailer proves it. Plus, both me and Evelyn were surprised and delighted to discover that once upon a time, Michael Caine was quite the sexy beast. When, at the end of the trailer, we were told to “Get Carter before he gets you,” we both responded with, “Carter can have us.”

6 Trailers In Search Of a Title

Posted on April 9, 2011 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Without further delay, here’s the latest edition of Lisa’s favorite grindhouse and exploitation trailers.

1) Something Weird (1967)

I just had to start out with this because it represents everything that I love about these old school exploitation trailers. It’s just so shameless and cheerful about it all. This film is from Herschell Gordon Lewis and it features ESP, a really kinda scary witch, and a random LSD trip. The title of this film also inspired the name of one of my favorite companies, Something Weird Video. (I make it a point to buy something from Something Weird every chance I get. My most recent Something Weird video is a film from the 60s called Sinderella and the Golden Bra. Haven’t gotten a chance to watch it yet but with a title like that, how could it be bad?)

2) Fade to Black (1980)

This is actually a really, really bad movie and I think the trailer goes on for a bit too long but it does have a few vaguely effective moments — i.e., when Dennis Christopher stares at the camera with half of his face painted. Plus, you can catch a young Mickey Rourke acting a lot like Michael Madsen.

3) Monster Shark (1984)

Now you may think that since this Italian film was directed by Lamberto Bava (credited here as John Old, Jr. because his father, Mario, was occasionally credited as John Old, Sr.) and has the word “shark” in the title that it’s yet another rip-off of Jaws. Well, joke’s on you because, as they state repeatedly in the trailer, “It’s not a shark!” Even if you didn’t know this was an Italian film before watching the trailer, it wouldn’t be hard to guess. First off, there’s the dubbing. Then there’s the scene of the film’s main character wandering around aimlessly. (Most Italian horror trailers feature at least one scene of someone just walking around.) And finally, there’s the fact that this is yet another trailer that uses a sped-up version of Goblin’s Beyond The Darkness soundtrack for its background music. While I haven’t seen this film yet, I plan to just to find out who Bob is.

4) Van Nuys Boulevard (1979)

Originally, I was planning on including the trailer for a Ted V. Mikels’ film called The Worm Eaters right here but I reconsidered because, quite frankly, The Worm Eaters is one of the most disgusting, stomach-churning things I’ve ever seen. I’m going to wait until I find five other equally disgusting trailers to feature it with and then I’m going to put them all up under the heading: 6 Trailers To Inspire Vomit. Until then, enjoy a far more pleasant trailer — Van Nuys Blvd. This trailer rhymes! I’m tempted to say that I could have written it but then again, I only write free verse poetry. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, Van Nuys Blvd.

5) Vice Squad (1982)

However, there was a darker side to Van Nuys Blvd. and here it is: Vice Squad, starring Wings Hauser. Eventually, I’ll review this film but until I do, check out our new friend Trash Film Guru’s review.

6) Crosstalk (1982)

We’ll conclude with the only thing scarier than Wings Hauser in Vice Squad — a computer that has not only witnessed a murder but enjoyed it!

En Pointe with six more trailers

Posted on April 2, 2011 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The grindhouse is like ballet — truly appreciated by only a few blessed and special individuals. And for those individuals, here’s a picture of my legs…

And, because I really, really love all of you, here’s an added bonus: six more of Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation trailers…

1) The Child (1977)

I’ve got this one on DVD, actually. Considering that it was produced by the notorious Harry Novak, it’s actually fairly entertaining and not just in a “WTF” sorta way. Still, I have to admit that the main reason I like this trailer is because of that “I don’t have to tell you anything,” line because I used to say that a lot when I was a child (actually, I still say it a lot). Unfortunately, I never had undead followers to help back up my words.

2) The Children (1980)

Now, admittedly, some claim that I was occasionally a just a tad bit bratty when I was a child. (The running joke, among my sisters, is that LMB stands for Little Mean Brat.) However, I was never quite this bad…

3) A*P*E (1976)

Speaking of being bratty…A*P*E was originally entitled The New King Kong until a lawsuit changed the title. By all reports, A*P*E was meant to be a “serious” film but it was advertised as being a spoof after the film’s distributors saw the final results. A*P*E shows up on AMC occasionally.

4) Tanya’s Island (1980)

While we’re on the amorous monster front…I haven’t seen this one but it appears to be some sort of Swept Away With Big Foot type of film. The vibe here is definitely grindhouse pretentious.

5) Mysterious Monsters (1976)

Bigfoot was also one of the stars of Mysterious Monsters, one of the many faux grindhouse/drive-in documentaries of the 70s.

6) Mondo Cane (1963)

And finally, here’s the grindhouse documentary that started them all — the Italian Mondo Cane! None other than Giovanni Lombardo Radice has described this film as an example of “lingering fascism.” It also inspired Ruggero Deodato’s Cannibal Holocaust. Also, much like An Inconvenient Truth, it was nominated for a best original song Oscar. (Note to self: Write a future post on how much An Inconvenient Truth has in common with Mondo Cane…)