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Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 3.16 “Theresa”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, a guest star breaks Sonny’s heart.

Episode 3.16 “Theresa”

(Dir by Virgil W. Vogel, originally aired on February 13th, 1987)

Sonny is planning on asking his girlfriend, Dr. Theresa Lyons (Helena Bonham-Carter), to marry him.  What Sonny doesn’t know is that Theresa is a junkie.  Back surgery caused her to develop a dependence on painkillers and, after she got in trouble for writing her own prescriptions, Theresa started dealing with drug dealers.  Theresa’s addiction has left her vulnerable to a long-haired drug lord named Wyatt (Brad Dourif).  Sonny recently arrested Wyatt but Wyatt has one of his dealers tell Theresa that he’ll only give her a fix if she steals the four evidence tapes from Sonny’s houseboat.  Theresa steals one tape.  The other tapes are destroyed when Wyatt bombs a police evidence warehouse!  Seriously, Wyatt doesn’t mess around and, when that warehouse goes up in flames, we’re reminded that Miami is not a place for the weak.  The police are in a war and they have no possible path to victory.  The bad guys are always willing to do what the police can not.

Most of this episode centers around Theresa and Sonny attempting to deal with her addiction and Sonny coming to realize that Theresa will have to return to the UK if she’s ever going to recover.  Even after Sonny gets suspended from the force while Internal Affairs investigates the theft of the tape, Theresa remains Sonny’s main concern.  It was actually kind of nice to see Sonny caring about someone again.  Don Johnson has been a bit inconsistent this season.  (There are several episodes were its obvious he was getting a bit bored with the part.)  But he does a good job in this episode.

As for the guest stars, Brad Dourif is charismatically evil as the smug and New Age-y Wyatt.  Helena Bonham Cater was only 20 when she appeared in this episode and she looked even younger.  That doesn’t exactly make her the most believable trauma doctor in the world.  Because of her youth, she’s miscast and there are a few times when she looks more like Crockett’s daughter than his girlfriend.  That said, Bonham Carter really sells the scene where she reveals her addiction to Crockett and she definitely captures the desperation of someone in need of another fix.

“Life’s not easy when you’re a lover,” Tubbs says at one point, “….or a primary investigator.”  With Sonny sidelined with his suspension and his personal drama, Tubbs got to play the role of concerned best friend and it’s one that Philip Michael Thomas always played well on the show.  If nothing else, you believe that Tubbs would take a bullet for his partner.  The show may end with Theresa returning to the UK and Sonny sadly looking down at the engagement ring that he’ll never give her but, fortunately, he’ll always have Tubbs.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 2.19 “Far Below”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, there’s something in subways!

Episode 2.19 “Far Below”

(Dir by Debra Hill, originally aired on February 25th, 1990)

Alex Kritz (John Scott Clough) is a city bureaucrat who has been sent to do an audit and discover why one subway maintenance crew is getting paid so much despite the high rate of turnover on the crew.  The head of the crew, Dr. Vernon Rathmore (Barry Nelson), not only overpays his workers but he also offers them full insurance and a pension.  Kritz not only wants to understand why Dr. Rathmore is spending so much money but also how he has been able to get away with it for so long.

Dr. Rathmore invites Kritz to watch a monitor so he can observe two of his workers gunning down what appears to be a Yeti with glowing white fur.  Kritz is outraged, accusing Rathmore of killing a homeless man.  Rathmore explains that his section of the subway is full of prehistoric, ape-liked monsters who feast on human flesh.  Rathmore has taken it upon himself to keep the population under control.

When Kritz again accuses Rathmore of genocide, Rathmore reveals that he actually has two of the monsters locked away in the office.  And one of them is his wife!  It turns out that she has quite the appetite for nosey bureaucrats….

This was a simple but entertaining episode of Monsters, one that was well-acted by Nelson and Clough and which made great use of two sets, Rathmore’s office and the atmospheric and dark subway tunnels where Rathmore’s men work.  The escalating tension between Rathmore and Kritz was well-handled, with Rathmore growing more and more annoyed with Kritz’s questions.  Based on all of the urban legends that have sprung up over the years about monsters living in the subways and the sewers (check out Raw Meat for another example), this was an effective episode that managed to tell a complete and interesting story in only 20 minutes.  Monsters was a frequently uneven show, as is true of most anthology series.  Fortunately, for every couple of bad episodes that the viewer got, the viewer would also occasionally get a masterpiece like Far Below.

Far Below was directed by Debra Hill, who is probably best-known for co-producing several of John Carpenter’s early films, including the original Halloween. This episode was Hill’s directorial debut and it was one of only two things she directed.  (The other was an episode of a 90s sitcom called Dream On.)  She did an excellent job with this episode and it’s a shame that she didn’t direct more.

Finally, this was the final performance of actor Barry Nelson.  Nelson was the first actor to ever play James Bond, playing an Americanized version of the character in a 1950s television adaptation of Casino Royale.  (Nelson technically played “Jimmy Bond.”)  Modern horror fans know Nelson best for his wonderful performance as the blandly professional Mr. Ullman in The Shining.  The scene where Nelson (as Ullman) cheerfully talks about what happened to the last caretaker and his family is one of my favorite bits of acting of all time.  Nelson retired after this episode of Monsters and it’s nice to able to say that he went out on a high note.

Back to School Part II #23: Adventures in Babysitting (dir by Chris Columbus)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

adventures_in_babysitting

One unfortunate thing about both being the youngest of four and having a teenage reputation for being a little out of control is that I never got a chance to be a babysitter.  Whenever my mom wasn’t around, my older sisters were in charge.  When I was technically old enough to look after other children, nobody was willing to trust me with them.  So, I missed out on babysitting and…

Well, to be honest, that never really bothered me.  I was too busy either having too much fun or no fun at all to worry about any of that.  But maybe I should have because, whenever I watch the 1987 film Adventures in Babysitting, I’m always left convinced that I could have been a kickass babysitter.  Seriously, if Elisabeth Shue could still get babysitting jobs even after taking the kids into downtown Chicago and nearly getting them killed, then anyone could do it!

In Adventures in Babysitting, Chris Parker (Elisabeth Shue) is a responsible 17 year-old who lives in the suburbs of Chicago.  (As anyone who seen The Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles, and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off can tell you, being a teenager in 1980s meant living in Illinois.)  When we first meet Chris, she’s getting ready for her anniversary date with her boyfriend, Mike Todwell (Bradley Whitford, years before achieving fame by playing assorted pompous jerks in assorted Aaron Sorkin productions) and she’s dancing around her bedroom.  There’s an important lesson to be learned from the opening of Adventures in Babysitting: if you want me to relate to a character, introduce her while she’s dancing in her bedroom.  Seriously, though, the whole film succeeds because of that opening bedroom dance.  Chris is instantly likable and relatable.  You want to see her succeed and achieve what she wants.

So, of course, we’re all disappointed when Mike shows up and breaks his date with Chris.  That said, as upset as Chris may be, she’s still willing to take the time to try to talk her friend Brenda (Penelope Ann Miller) out of trying to poison her stepmother with Drano.  That’s a true friend.

With nothing else to do, Chris ends up taking a babysitting job.  She has been tasked to look after 8 year-old Sara Anderson (Maia Brewton) and Sara’s brother, 15 year-old Brad (Keith Coogan).  Sara is a bit of a brat, though she’s also generally well-meaning and is obsessed with comic books (Thor, in particular).  Brad is likable but dorky.  He has a huge crush on Chris and even turns down a chance to spend the night at a friend’s, just so he can be around her.

Brad’s friend, incidentally, is Daryl (Anthony Rapp, who would later play Tony in Dazed and Confused and who starred in the original Broadway production of Rent).  Daryl is a hyperactive perv who is obsessed with Chris because she resembles the centerfold in one of his dad’s Playboys.  Daryl decides that, if his friend Brad can’t visit him, then maybe he should visit Brad!

However, Chris has more to worry about than just looking after Sara, Brad, and Daryl.  Brenda has attempted to run away from home and now she’s stuck in a downtown bus station!  Her glasses have been stolen and, as a result, Brenda is doing things like picking up a giant rat and calling it a kitten.  Brenda uses her last bit of money to call Chris and beg her to come pick her up.

(Of course, none of this would happen today.  Brenda wouldn’t have to use a pay phone to call Chris and she could just call Uber to get a ride home.)

So, Chris and the kids drive into Chicago and, needless to say, things quickly fall apart.  They get a flat tire on the expressway.  Chris panics when she discovers that not only does she not have a spare tire but she also left her purse back at the house.  They are briefly helped by a one-handed truck driver named Handsome John Pruitt (John Ford Noonan) but then Pruitt discovers that his wife is cheating on him and takes a detour so he can catch her in the act and, of course, this leads to Chris and the kids being kidnapped by a helpful car thief.  Soon, they’re being chased through Chicago by the Mafia and…

Well, it gets rather complicated but that’s kind of the appeal of the film.  The film starts out as a fairly realistic, John Hughes-style teen comedy and then it gets progressively crazier and crazier.  Downtown Chicago turns out to be a rather cartoonish place, one where one disaster follows after another.  (To be honest, if Adventures in Babysitting was released today, it would probably inspire a hundred increasingly tedious Salon think pieces on white privilege.  Bleh!)  But, regardless of how silly some of the adventures may get, Adventures in Babysitting remains grounded because of the good and likable performances and a script that is full of witty and quotable dialogue.

It’s an entertaining movie and it’s one of those films that always seems to be either on Showtime or Encore.  If you’re sad, watch it and be prepared to be massively cheered up!

(Avoid the Disney Channel remake.)