Review: The Predator (dir. by Shane Black)


“Gentlemen, remember… they’re large, they’re fast, and fucking you up is their idea of tourism.” — Traeger

Shane Black’s The Predator (2018) lands with a bang, offering a spectacle heavy on action, gore, and the signature snarky humor Black is known for. If you come looking for a suspenseful, tightly wound survival story in the tradition of the original 1987 film, you’re in for something very different—a gonzo mashup of nostalgia, R-rated slapstick carnage, and creature-feature excess that leans gleefully into genre absurdity.

The plot barrels forward with almost reckless energy. Boyd Holbrook stars as Quinn McKenna, a sniper whose mission goes haywire when a Predator spaceship crashes to Earth. Through a sequence of provocatively silly events, McKenna’s autistic son, Rory (Jacob Tremblay), ends up with the alien’s high-tech gear, unwittingly drawing attention from both the government and the technologically advanced Predators themselves. McKenna teams up with a ragtag bunch of soldiers, each with their own collection of quirks and psychological scars, plus Olivia Munn’s biologist Casey Bracket. This time, the hunt spills out of the jungle and into suburbia, with the chaos quickly escalating as a souped-up, genetically upgraded Predator enters the mix.

Where the 1987 original thrived on tension and jungle-stalking suspense, Black’s take is more about velocity, bloody spectacle, and loud, rapid-fire banter. The tone is set early, never letting up: The jokes fly thick and fast, the action is relentless, and there’s barely a lull for actual character development. The chemistry among “the Loonies,” McKenna’s loose-cannon squad, is the highlight—Keegan-Michael Key and Thomas Jane, in particular, deliver a mix of comic relief and bruised pathos that provides Black with fertile ground for his trademark dialogue. Sterling K. Brown chews the scenery as Traeger, the government antagonist, with a kind of joyous villainy that’s hard not to enjoy, even when the narrative slides into pure chaos. Olivia Munn starts strong as a scientist thrown into the deep end but is ultimately brushed aside by the film’s mayhem-heavy set pieces.

The film’s comedic pulse is strong, sometimes to its own detriment. Shane Black fills out every moment with his specific brand of irreverence, which works best in the banter between the Loonies but can undercut the menace of the Predators themselves. The violence is over-the-top, with practical splatter and digital effects combining for set pieces that are more monstrous brawls than hunting sequences. The movie rarely worries about internal logic—kids instantly deciphering alien technology and scientists surviving actions that would doom most is par for the course here. For fans of the previous films, there are enthusiastic callbacks and plenty of Easter eggs, though these are delivered more as punchlines than as foundations for new franchise mythology.

One of the film’s major issues is its kitchen-sink approach: it tries to be a throwback action movie, a gory sci-fi thriller, and a self-aware parody all at once. The result is a film constantly threatening to come apart at the seams—some viewers will find the tonal whiplash exhausting, with jokes about mental illness and disability that are more dated than daring. The narrative bounces between subplots and characters so quickly that plot armor and convenient twists abound, while the stakes themselves grow ever more implausible. If you’re looking for slow-burn tension or the primal fear that powered John McTiernan’s or even Stephen Hopkins’ installments, you’ll find yourself unmoored by the gleeful chaos and genre self-parody that Black serves up.

Still, for all its messiness, The Predator is never boring. It’s an action movie that refuses to slow down, boldly swapping iconic mud-soaked hunting for suburban street battles, and musclebound brawn for damaged, wise-cracking outcasts. It is, in its own profane, ADD-addled way, a love letter to the kind of big, dumb, fun genre movies that Black himself helped define in the late ’80s and ’90s.

Ultimately, The Predator isn’t a triumphant reinvention of the franchise nor a true return to the original’s nerve-shredding simplicity. Fans looking to see a return to the franchise’s glory days will be sorely disappointed. However, taken on its own merits and not dragged down by the expectations brought by the franchise, the film does entertain with its wild, unruly, blood-spattered romp that wears its flaws on its sleeve and dares the audience to laugh along with the carnage. If you’re in it for straight-up monster mayhem, creative kills, and a barrage of one-liners, you’ll have a blast. If you’re looking for restraint, genre evolution, or old-school suspense, you’ll probably end up shaking your head—grinning, maybe, but shaking it all the same.

Here Are The 2025 SAG Nominations


Due to the catastrophic wildfires currently burning in California, Tte Screen Actors Guild dispensed with their usual big nominations announcement and instead sent out a simple press release their morning.

Here are the SAG’s film nominations.  The SAG is a usually pretty good precursor so the folks who were celebrating the victory of the Brutalist on Sunday night have a bit less to celebrate today.  That said, the 2,0000-person nominating committee appear to have really liked The Last Showgirl.  Let’s keep Pamela Anderson’s Oscar hopes alive!

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Leading Role
ADRIEN BRODY / László Tóth – “THE BRUTALIST”
TIMOTHÉE CHALAMET / Bob Dylan – “A COMPLETE UNKNOWN”
DANIEL CRAIG / William Lee – “QUEER”
COLMAN DOMINGO / Divine G – “SING SING”
RALPH FIENNES / Lawrence – “CONCLAVE”

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Leading Role
PAMELA ANDERSON / Shelly – “THE LAST SHOWGIRL”
CYNTHIA ERIVO / Elphaba – “WICKED”
KARLA SOFÍA GASCÓN / Emilia/Manitas – “EMILIA PÉREZ”
MIKEY MADISON / Ani – “ANORA”
DEMI MOORE / Elisabeth – “THE SUBSTANCE”

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Supporting Role
JONATHAN BAILEY / Fiyero – “WICKED”
YURA BORISOV / Igor – “ANORA”
KIERAN CULKIN / Benji Kaplan – “A REAL PAIN”
EDWARD NORTON / Pete Seeger – “A COMPLETE UNKNOWN”
JEREMY STRONG / Roy Cohn – “THE APPRENTICE”

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Supporting Role
MONICA BARBARO / Joan Baez – “A COMPLETE UNKNOWN”
JAMIE LEE CURTIS / Annette – “THE LAST SHOWGIRL”
DANIELLE DEADWYLER / Berniece – “THE PIANO LESSON”
ARIANA GRANDE / Galinda/Glinda – “WICKED”
ZOE SALDAÑA / Rita – “EMILIA PÉREZ”

Outstanding Performance by a Cast in a Motion Picture
A COMPLETE UNKNOWN
MONICA BARBARO / Joan Baez
NORBERT LEO BUTZ / Alan Lomax
TIMOTHÉE CHALAMET / Bob Dylan
ELLE FANNING / Sylvie Russo
DAN FOGLER / Albert Grossman
WILL HARRISON / Bobby Neuwirth
ERIKO HATSUNE / Toshi Seeger
BOYD HOLBROOK / Johnny Cash
SCOOT MCNAIRY / Woody Guthrie
BIG BILL MORGANFIELD / Jesse Moffette
EDWARD NORTON / Pete Seeger

ANORA
YURA BORISOV / Igor
MARK EYDELSHTEYN / Ivan
KARREN KARAGULIAN / Toros
MIKEY MADISON / Ani
ALEKSEY SEREBRYAKOV / Nikolai Zakharov
VACHE TOVMASYAN / Garnick

CONCLAVE
SERGIO CASTELLITTO / Tedesco
RALPH FIENNES / Lawrence
JOHN LITHGOW / Tremblay
LUCIAN MSAMATI / Adeyemi
ISABELLA ROSSELLINI / Sister Agnes
STANLEY TUCCI / Bellini

EMILIA PÉREZ
KARLA SOFÍA GASCÓN / Emilia/Manitas
SELENA GOMEZ / Jessi
ADRIANA PAZ / Epifania
ZOE SALDAÑA / Rita

WICKED
JONATHAN BAILEY / Fiyero
MARISSA BODE / Nessarose
PETER DINKLAGE / Dr. Dillamond
CYNTHIA ERIVO / Elphaba
JEFF GOLDBLUM / The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
ARIANA GRANDE / Galinda/Glinda
ETHAN SLATER / Boq
BOWEN YANG / Pfannee
MICHELLE YEOH / Madame Morrible

Outstanding Action Performance by a Stunt Ensemble in a Motion Picture
DEADPOOL & WOLVERINE
DUNE: PART TWO
THE FALL GUY
GLADIATOR II
WICKED

The Films of 2024: The Bikeriders (dir by Jeff Nichols)


Taking place in the late 60s and the early 70s, The Bikeriders tells the story of The Vandals Motorcycle Club.

The Vandals were founded by Johnny (Tom Hardy), a truck driver who got the idea for starting his own motorcycle gang after catching a late night broadcast of The Wild One.  Under Johnny’s strong leadership, the Vandals quickly grow and soon, branches are opening up across the country.  Of the many members of the Vandals, the most charismatic is Benny (Austin Butler), a quiet and enigmatic man who loves his motorcycle and who seems to have the worst luck when it comes to crashing and getting caught by the police.  If Johnny epitomizes the leadership needed to successfully start a motorcycle club in the first place, Benny epitomizes the coolness of being a rebel and doing your own thing.  Everyone in the club wants to be like Benny, even if the majority of them have more in common with the simple-minded Cockroach (Emory Cohen) or the eccentric Zipco (Michael Shannon).  The fatalistic Johnny knows that he can’t remain in charge forever and he views Benny as his heir apparent.  However, Benny’s feelings about the whole thing are far more difficult to decipher.  As the Vandals themselves grow increasingly more violent and hostile and as lowbrow criminals like The Kid (Toby Wallace) step up to challenge Johnny’s power, both Benny and Johnny are forced to confront the reality of what The Vandals have become.

Watching The Bikeriders is a frustrating experience, especially for those of us who have enjoy director Jeff Nichols’s other films.  It’s a good movie but it never quite becomes the great movie that it so obviously wants to be.  On the plus side, both Austin Butler and Tom Hardy give excellent performance as Benny and Johnny.  Both characters serve as archetypes for a uniquely American style of masculinity and Hardy and Butler bring them to life as both symbols and as human beings.  Tom Hardy, especially, captures the tragic dignity of a man who knows that his fate has already been set.  Wisely, Butler and Hardy both underplay their characters.  Neither Johnny nor Benny are the types to normally show their emotions, which makes their rare moments of vulnerability all the more powerful. If nothing else, The Bikeriders serves as a reminder that both Butler and Hardy are legitimate movie stars, along with being excellent actors.

Unfortunately, the film suffers due to an awkward framing device, in which Benny’s wife, Kathy (Jodie Comer), is interviewed by photographer and writer Danny Lyon (Mike Faist).  Kathy serves as the audience surrogate.  We learn about the Vandals through her eyes and she’s the one explains to us all of the ins-and-outs of Vandal culture.  Unfortunately, Kathy is a bit of an underwritten character and her relationship with Benny never feels convincing.  Unlike Hardy and Butler, Jodie Comer never lets you forget that she’s a performer giving a performance.  Much like Meryl Streep in The Laundromat and Don’t Look Up, Comer gives the type of bad and mannered performance that could really only come from an otherwise good actress.  Whenever the viewer starts to get emotionally involved with the story, director Jeff Nichols cuts back to Lyon staring reverently at Kathy while Kathy prattles on in dialogue that tries so hard to sound authentic that it ultimately makes the whole thing feel artificial.

Just as he did in Take Shelter and Mud, Nichols attempts to capture the unique mythology of the Midwest in The Bikeriders.  Occasionally, he succeeds.  The scene where Benny outruns the cops, just to discover that his motorcycle has run out of gas, serves as evidence of just how good a director Jeff Nichols can be.  But, in the end, The Bikeriders is never quite as strong, moving, or insightful about outlaw culture as it wants to be.  It’s a good film but it’s hard not to feel that it could have been so much more.

The Predator (Final Trailer)


The Predator

The teaser trailer for this Shane Black production didn’t wow me, at all. Then the first trailer came out and a red band one at that. That one was an upgrade but I was still on the fence. They’ve released more teasers, international trailers and tv spot and, once again, I was still not fully sold on the film.

Today 20th Century Fox drops the final trailer for The Predator just two weeks from it’s release date of September 14. This just days after the studio confirmed that the film will be a very hard R-rating raised my interest level.

It is this final trailer (again another red band trailer) is what finally sold me on this film as a must-see. We still know only bits and pieces of what the film will be about but the trademark Shane Black quips and smartass attitude shows up much more clearly with this last trailer.

I actually enjoyed the last Predator film and I hope this one continues the trend and just entertains it’s audience.

Quick Review: Logan (dir. by James Mangold)


logan_2017_posterHey, bub! Before you read this,  Lisa already has an awesome review for Logan. Start there first, and if you feel like it, double back here.

The short of it:

+ Might be Jackman and Stewart’s best turn in their roles since X-2:X-Men United.

+ Logan’s well written, with some good characterization, particularly among the leads. There’s a vulnerability here.

+ It’s brutal. Logan is the bloody version of Wolverine we all hoped for.

+ Moves like the best of Westerns. Just about as cool as 3:10 to Yuma.

+ Though changed from her comic book origins Laura (X-23) is awesome on screen.

– The film feels long. For a film that’s just a hair over 2 hours, it feel almost like 3.

– Some of the action scenes may be a little quick for the camera.

– There isn’t an answer/explanation for everything (nor should there be).

The long of it:

I was 25 when I saw the original X-Men in the cinema. While everyone was excited to see their favorite mutants show up on screen (no Nightcrawler for me – that would take the sequel), it was Wolverine that caused the most buzz. When Hugh Jackman first stepped into the role, there was a great deal of skepticism. He wasn’t short and stocky nor big and bulky, and there was only so much one could do to give him that Wolverine look. Yet, he made the role his own and despite a few stutter-steps (such as X-Men: The Last Stand, X-Men Origins: Wolverine), it’s hard to fathom any X-Men film without him.

The same can also be said of Patrick Stewart. Just about the easiest first pick for Charles Xavier anyone could have, his time with the X-Men is only slightly shorter as he wasn’t really needed for X-Men: First Class.

It’s been roughly 17 years for them both. That’s longer than any single actor’s run of James Bond. Longer than any superhero portrayal – Christopher Reeve only had a decade as Superman. Robert Downey Jr. Has about 9 years under his belt as Iron Man. It’s about time that their stories come to a close.

There was a bit of yawning and exaggerated sighing in my screening of Logan, which leads me to believe the audience was really expecting a faster paced film. I didn’t get the outright snoring that occurred during a Manhattan showing of the Robocop remake, if that’s any consolation. Usually the Midnight crowd are the liveliest bunch of patrons, particularly when it comes to superhero or action films. At its heart, Logan is a drama piece peppered with action sequences. It honestly felt like a really good Western, with an old cowboy that wants nothing more than to hang up his guns, yet finds their peace constantly challenged. The film has a lot of exposition through dialogue, and for some, this could make the story feel really slow at times. It’s not a superhero action film, even though it has its moments.

The Western angle is of no real surprise here, given that Logan reunites 3:10 to Yuma and The Wolverine director James Mangold with both Hugh Jackman and Patrick Stewart. It flows in the same fashion as Yuma, but with mutants.

Logan takes place in a future timeline where no new mutants have appeared in nearly 20 years (which is very similar to Alfonso Cuaron’s Children of Men). James Howlett is a broken individual working as a limo driver. Time has taken its toll on The Wolverine. He doesn’t heal as well as he used to and he struggles with the Adamantium in his bones. Adding to Logan’s troubles is an ailing Charles Xavier. Forced to take care of him both out of friendship and the possible danger he poses, I felt it added a great level of vulnerability to both individuals. They’re both nearing their end and they can’t count on their abilities to rescue them as well as it once could. The conversations between them speak of regrets and/or just keeping afloat, though Xavier is still hopeful that there’s some good on the horizon. Their long term friendship also adds to the banter between the two, with a few comical quips throughout the film.

The audience never truly learns how this timeline occurred, but it doesn’t truly matter. This is a character driven film, not so much a plot driven one. The story amps up a little once Laura (Dafne Keen, in her first role) enters the mix. Those familiar with her comic origins will spot the connection, though it’s been changed in a number of ways to fit Mangold’s screenplay. Both Keen and Laura match up so well here that you could disregard the comic altogether in favor of this cinematic origin. Laura is being chased by a group of mercenaries led by Pierce (Brad Holbrook – Netflix’s Narcos), and her protector asks Logan to take her to a designated place.

Taking a cue from Deadpool’s success, Logan went with a R rating and makes the most of it. There’s profanity abound, and when the claws come out, there’s major bloodshed. Heads are skewered, limbs are lost and it’s a beautiful sight to behold. Did the movie have to have the blood? Perhaps not, but it doesn’t really detract from the story. If anything, it might come as a surprise when you first witness it all on screen. The only drawback to this is that some of the fight sequences are so quick that you could miss some of the movements. It’s not a terrible thing at all, but it may warrant a second viewing to catch everything.

In the end, Logan a perfect final chapter for one of the most popular X-Men out there.  We’ve all grown with both the character and the actors involved.

Film Review: Logan (dir by James Mangold)


logan_2017_poster

Logan is the first great film of 2017.

It’s also one of the darkest.  The specter of death hangs over almost every scene and, when death does come, it doesn’t discriminate.  Good and likable people are just as likely to die as the film’s villains and, when they do die, it’s never a merciful passing.  There is some humor but it’s the type of humor that’s generated by being trapped in a hopeless situation.  This is one of those movies where, when you do laugh, it’s because the only other alternative is just to give up.

What’s the common complaint about comic book films?  That they only exist to sell more comic books and that they are often fatally compromised by the need to appeal to as many viewers as possible?  Well, that’s not a problem with Logan.  Logan is a film for grown ups.  During the film, when Logan (played, of course, by Hugh Jackman) comes across an X-Men comic book, he dismisses it as a fairy tale.  “In the real world,” he snaps, “people die!”

That’s not to say that Logan’s a hopeless film.  There is an optimistic streak to the film but it’s a cautious optimism.  Much like Mad Max: Fury Road, Logan suggests that the best thing that the world has left to offer is a chance for redemption.

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Now, I should point out that, while I enjoyed some of the previous films (particularly X-Men: First Class), I’m hardly an expert on the X-men franchise.  But, with Logan, that doesn’t matter.  Certainly, it helps to have seen some of the previous films.  There are a few references to X-Men: Apocalypse.  But, in the end, Logan works as a stand alone film.  Even if you’ve seen none of the previous X-men films, you’ll find yourselves getting swept up in the story of Logan, Professor Xavier (Patrick Stewart), Caliban (Stephen Merchant), and Laura (Dafne Keen).

The film opens in 2029.  There are only a few hints that we’re in the future: driverless truck rule the roads and, more disturbingly, it seems as if there’s fewer people around than before.  Watching the film, which is full of wide open spaces and desolate towns, one gets the feeling that something has happened that has wiped out a good deal of the population.  Almost all of the mutants are dead.  Logan (Hugh Jackman) lives across the border, in Mexico.  His only companion is the albino Caliban and Xavier.

However, this Xavier is far different from the one that we’ve seen in previous films.  Suffering from Alzheimer’s, Xavier is often confused as to where he is and, if he’s not properly medicated, he can’t control his psychic powers.  What’s left of Logan’s life is now dedicated to trying to keep the greatest mind in the world from destroying itself.

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Logan has also changed.  In the previous films, Logan was indestructible.  However, his powers are weakening.  He no longer heals as quickly as before.  He’s losing his eyesight.  Even his famous claws are no longer as reliable as they once were.  Logan now works as a limo driver in El Paso.  One night, a group of frat boys have him drive by the border crossing so that they can chant “USA!  USA!”  Another night, he drives around a drunken bachelorette party, trying to ignore one of the bridesmaids exposing her breasts to him.  And then, he picks up Gabriella (Elizabeth Rodriguez) and Laura.

Gabriella is a nurse.  Laura is an apparently mute 11 year-old girl who has the same powers as Logan.  Gabriella asks Logan to help them get to North Dakota (or “Eden,” as Gabriella calls it).  Logan says no but he quickly discovers that he doesn’t have a choice.  A sadistic cyborg named Donald Pierce (Boyd Holbrook, giving a disturbingly charismatic performance) is searching for Gabriella, Laura, and Logan.  The only way for Logan to protect Xavier is to make that trip to North Dakota.

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Pierce, I should mention, isn’t alone.  Pierce has a black-clad army of mercenaries at his disposal but he, and his employer (Richard E. Grant, in the role of the bad guy with the British accent), have a secret weapon.  This weapon looks and acts like a young Logan and there’s a reason for that.  By the end of the film, Logan truly is at war with the savage beast that he once was.

Logan is a violent film, one that doesn’t flinch when it comes to earning its R-rated.  I don’t want to give too much away so excuse my vagueness when I say that, a little over an hour into Logan, there’s a fight scene of such brutality and uncompromising violence that it left me shaken in a way that no other “comic book” film ever has.  Logan earns that R-rating but it never feels exploitive or gratuitous.  When Logan curses (which he does quite a bit), it’s because that’s what people do when they’re in a hopeless situation.  And, for all the fighting and all the blood and all the death, Logan never celebrates violence.

Instead, it celebrates redemption.

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Early on, there’s a rather sweet scene where Xavier and Laura watch Shane on television.  It’s an important scene because, in many ways, Logan is a western.  Logan is the mysterious gunslinger who, after a lifetime of violence, finally has a chance to do something to preserve life rather than spread death.  Just in case we missed, director James Mangold includes a scene in which Logan and Xavier help a family of ranchers round up some horses.  Later, there’s a tense stand-off between Logan and a group of cowboy hat-wearing rednecks that feels as if it could have come straight from a spaghetti western.

Hugh Jackman is an acclaimed and accomplished actor but, to many people, he will always be the Wolverine.  This is his 9th time to play the character and Jackman gives not only his best performance in the role but perhaps the best performance of his career.  (It’s certainly the equal of his Oscar-nominated work in Les Miserables.)  One look at Jackman’s weathered face and his haunted eyes and you immediately know that there’s going to be more to Logan than just comic book action.  And then there’s Patrick Stewart, who has never been more heartbreaking and vulnerable than he is here.  Finally, Dafne Keen gives a fierce performance, one that will probably remind many people of Chloe Grace Moretz’s breakthrough role in Kick-Ass.

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Earlier, I mentioned Mad Max: Fury Road.  It’s an appropriate comparison, as the two films have much in common.  (That said, Logan definitely establishes its own identity.)  There’s been some talk that Logan could be the first comic book film to ever receive a nomination for best picture.  I don’t know if that’s going to happen or not.  (I fear that a lot of Academy members will mentally check out during a jokey pre-credits sequence, one that serves as a teaser for the sequel to Deadpool.  I understand why it was included it at the beginning of the film.  Logan ends on such a poignant note that a post-credits scene would have felt inappropriate.  But still, as much as I love Ryan Reynolds, it feels out-of-place.)  I will say this — Logan deserves consideration.  Logan occasionally had me fighting to catch my breath and it left me with tears in my eyes.  For Logan to get a nomination, it’s going to need the same support from the critics groups that Mad Max: Fury Road received.  The Academy is going to need the critics to reassure them that it’s okay to nominate a film about mutants being chased by a cyborg.  It’s still early in the year.  Anything could happen.

It could be nominated for every Oscar or it could be nominated for none.  But, in the end, Logan is a great film.

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Logan: The 2nd Trailer


Fox recently released the 2nd trailer for James Mangold’s Logan, and we finally get more an idea of what one of my favorite Marvel characters has to offer, with a little bloodshed. I’ve been waiting for some confirmation that the girl is actually Laura Kinney (a.k.a. X-23), and this trailer pretty much removes all doubt with her dual blades. So far, it’s looking interesting, though I’m not sure how it all fits into what’s become of the X-Men Timeline. Hopefully, those answers will come when the film premieres in early March (in the U.S.). Enjoy.

 

 

While you’re at it, if you’re looking to learn more about the character, Marvel’s Uncanny X-Men-The New Age: The Cruelest Cut covers Issues 450-454, with the first two showcasing X-23 as a feral assassin up against the X-Men. You can also find Kinney in Marvel vs Capcom.

Film Review: Jane Got A Gun (dir by Gavin O’Connor)


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Jane Got A Gun, which was released with little fanfare in January and is now available on Netflix, could just as easily have been called This Bishop Boys Are Coming And Who Gives A Fuck?

In fact, I like that title better than Jane Got A Gun.  As far as I’m concerned, I am no longer reviewing Jane Got A Gun.  Instead, I am going to tell you about a film called The Bishop Boys Are Coming And Who Gives A Fuck?

The film is a western, taking place shortly after the end of the Civil War.  (Isn’t it interesting how every western recently produced has taken place shortly after the Civil War?  Way to avoid awkward historical truths, Hollywood.)  Jane (Natalie Portman) lives on an isolated farm, with her daughter and her husband, Bill Hammond (Noah Emmerich, who is wasted both figuratively and literally).  Hammond used to be an outlaw but now, he’s a pretty good guy.  But the Bishop Boys are still after him!

Who are the Bishop Boys?

Well, John Bishop is Ewan McGregor.  He’s an evil businessman and a bounty hunter and he used to be in love with Jane but now it seems that he mostly just wants to collect the bounty that’s on Hammond’s head.  I love Ewan McGregor but, as we all should have learned from his performance in Haywire, he doesn’t make the most convincing villain.  McGregor is one of those actors who radiates an inner humanity.  No actor falls in love as convincingly as Ewan McGregor.  That’s what makes him a compelling actor but it also means that he’s totally miscast as a bounty hunting sociopath.

Anyway, the Bishop Boys end up putting five bullets in Hammond so he goes home to die.  “The Bishop Boys are coming,” he says and Jane has to prepare for the upcoming siege.  Fortunately, her surly neighbor, Dan (Joel Edgerton, who seems to be bored with the whole thing), just happens to be her former fiancée and he’s still in love with her, though he tries to hide his love behind bitterness and pithy one-liners.  It also turns out that Dan was a hero in the Civil War but he’s weary of violence.

Don’t worry, though!  Dan is still willing to kill.  After all, not much would happen in the movie if Dan wasn’t willing to shoot people…

Anyway, The Bishop Boys Are Coming And Who Gives A Fuck only lasts for 98 minutes but there’s a lot of hints that there was originally supposed to be a lot more to the movie than actually showed up on screen.  We get a few lengthy flashbacks, all of which hint at a story that actually explores what it means to be a woman in a patriarchal society and which, if properly handled, would have made The Bishop Boys Are Coming And Who Gives A Fuck the feminist western that it’s attempting to be.  Watching this movie, you get the feeling that a lot of the original storyline was either not filmed or left on the cutting room floor.

To be honest, I really wanted this to be a great movie or, at the very least, a decent showcase for Natalie Portman, who was one of my favorite actresses even before Black Swan.  However, I officially gave up on this film after 50 minutes.  That was around the time that Dan started to ramble about life, death, and doin’ the ratt thang.   It was all just so clichéd and the rest of the film wasn’t any better.

The Bishop Boys Are Coming And Who Gives A Fuck? did receive some attention because its screenplay was included in the Black List, which claims to be an annual survey of the best unproduced screenplays in Hollywood.  The Black List is one of the greatest con jobs ever perpetrated by the film industry.  While it’s true that American Hustle and The King’s Speech appeared on the Black List, a typical Black List screenplay usually turns out to be something like The Beaver, Broken City, or Cedar Rapids.  You can add The Bishop Boys Are Coming And Who Gives A Fuck? to the long line of Black List scripts that became utterly forgettable movies.