Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch, which ran on NBC and then in syndication from 1989 to 2001.  The entire show can be viewed on Tubi.

The drudgery of season 1 continues.

Episode 1.15 “Muddy Waters”

(Dir by Paul Schneider, originally aired on February 2nd, 1990)

It’s a busy couple of days in Malibu!

Hobie has been getting into fights at school.  Is it because the kids refuse to believe his amazing stories about his lifeguard father or is it because he has a crush on his teacher, Amanda Keller (Sherilyn Wolter)?  Amanda wears glasses but takes them off whenever Mitch comes into the room so we all know what that means.  Mitch is about to get a girlfriend.

Meanwhile, a picture of Shauni appears in a cheap calendar, posing in her official Baywatch bathing suit.  The Captain (Monte Markham) wants to fire her but Craig proves that Shauni isn’t lying about the picture being used without Shauni’s knowledge.  Not only does Craig print a calendar with the captain as “Miss March” but he also tricks the Captain into signing a release form.  Shauni is vindicated.  Craig’s wife complains about how sexist the calendar was.  This storyline felt a bit hypocritical for a show run people who reportedly spent hours obsessing on how everyone looked in their swimsuits.

Finally, Cort and Eddie are training the junior lifeguard at the water park.  An angry man who always wanted to be a lifeguard keeps loosening the bolts on the water slide.  Cort, Eddie, and Garner catch him but the trouble’s not over yet!  The ex-boyfriend of one of the lifeguards is making trouble and vandalizing park property.  He’s captured after a dramatic chase up a water slide.  Even though Cort is chasing the guy up the water slide, people keep sliding down.  It felt kind of dumb, to be honest.  Why not just climb the stairs to the top so that you can be there whenever the guy gets there?  Why not position one lifeguard at the top and one at the bottom so the guy will eventually be caught no matter which way he climbs or slides?  It seems like Eddie and Cort put a lot of people in danger for no good reason.

This episode was forgettable and dumb.  That’s kind of the standard when it comes to the first season of Baywatch.  Some people stand in the darkness for good reason.