Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Good Morning, Miss Bliss, which ran on the Disney Channel from 1988 to 1989 before then moving to NBC and being renamed Saved By The Bell. The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!
This week, a bully can’t read. Can Miss Bliss reach him? Or will he just beat up Screech? Why not both?
Episode 1.6 “Showdown”
(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on January 4th, 1989)
“I can’t read!” Deke (Andras Jones) snaps at Screech towards the end of this episode. Deke is the new student at JFK Junior High, a troublemaker who has continually been transferred to school after school. Deke was going to beat up Screech but, when Screech didn’t laugh at Deke’s illiteracy, it changed Deke’s life. That little act of kindness was all Deke needed to approach Miss Bliss and ask for help.
Way to go, Screech!
This is actually one of the better episodes of Good Morning Miss Bliss, as the emphasis is put more on the students and less on Miss Bliss being a sanctimonious nag. Andras Jones was 21 years old when this episode aired and he really did look too old and too tall to be playing a 9th grader. (He towers over Hayley Mills.) But, when you think about, it makes sense. Deke is probably someone who has gotten held back a few times. If he looks older, it’s because he is older. While everyone he knows who is his own age has moved on to high school, he’s still stuck in middle school. No wonder the kid is pissed off at the world!
To give credit where credit is due, young Dustin Diamond gave a pretty good performance in this episode. Considering how Saved By The Bell would later transform Screech (and Diamond himself) into the epitome of an annoying sidekick, it’s actually interesting to see how good he actually was on Good Morning, Miss Bliss. On Miss Bliss, Diamond was allowed to play Screech as just being a nerd as opposed to full-on weirdo. Seen today, this is actually a very sad episode. Diamond has no idea what’s waiting for him in the future.
Oh well. At least Deke might finally make it to the tenth grade….
Terrorist Josef Szabo (David Warner) and his team (including Viggo Mortensen, Charlotte Lewis, and Sy Richardson) attempt to hijack a train that’s carrying weapons that they can use in their plans for world conquest. Renegade ATF agent Jack DeForest (Terence Knox) catches them in the act and, in the resulting crossfire, Szabo’s son is killed. Now looking for revenge, Szabo kidnaps Jack’s estranged wife (Meg Foster) and Jack’s son. Even though his supervisor (Yaphet Kotto) claims that Jack is dangerous and out-of-control, fellow ATF agent Anne (Isabella Hofmann) teams up with Jack to rescue his family.
This is a well-done B action movie, featuring villains who have more depth than usual and an interesting opening sequence that plays out with almost no dialogue. Terence Knox is not the most exciting of heroes (he was better served by television than the movies) but the supporting cast makes up for his character’s blandness. Where also can you see Meg Foster, David Warner, Yaphet Kotto, Viggo Mortensen, and Tommy Chong (!) all in the same movie? The mountainous Utah setting gives the film a modern western feel and, though this may be a direct-to-video B movie, the cast gives it their all. Tripwire is cinematic fast food, quick and just satisfying enough to leave you happy.
In the future, America is overrun by crime. Mad Dog Burne (Richard Grieco) and his brother, Little Henry (Randy Vasquez) escape from California death row. Mayor Eleanor Grimbaum (Susan Tyrell) wants the Burne brothers captured and she wants to be able to show the voters that she’s tough on crime. When brave police officer Alyssa Lloyd (Nicole Eggert) is killed by Mad Dog Burne’s gang, she is brought back to life in cyborg form by Prof. Crowley (Bruce Abbott) and, after a training montage, she is let loose on the streets as a police-backed vigiliante.
The Demolitionist owes an obvious debt to Robocop, with Nicole Eggert miscast as an expressionless cyborg who launches a one-woman/one-machine war on crime. The main problem is that The Demolitionist has none of Robocop‘s wit or its subversive subtext. Nicole Eggert is no substitute for Peter Weller and Richard Grieco is no Kurtwood Smith. “Booker’s a good cop!” I said whenever Grieco showed up.
The only interesting this is about the cast, which is full of horror veterans. Jack Nance plays the prison priest who counsels the Burne brothers before they escape their scheduled executions. Reggie Bannister plays the warden. Sarah Douglas plays a surgeon. Joseph Pilato is one of Mad Dog’s followers. And playing Mad Dog’s second-in-command is none other than Tom Savini. Finally, the city’s most popular journalist is played by Heather Langenkamp!
The Demolitionist demolishes almost the entire town but she still can’t come up with any way to make this stale Robocop rip-off feel fresh.
There are several lessons that can be learned from watching horror films. One that is often overlooked is the importance of staying out of trailer parks. Seriously, I have lost track of how many horror films have taken place within the confines of a trailer park. Once you see someone surrounded by RVs and mobile homes, you know that they’re probably doomed.
Take 1989’s Far From Home, for instance.
Far From Home is set in perhaps the sleaziest trailer park in America. This place sits in the middle of the Nevada desert and is run by chain-smoking Agnes Reed (Susan Tyrrell), who has a voice like a bullfrog, a daughter (Stephanie Walski) who is obsessed with watching TV and eating fishsticks, and a delinquent teenage son named Jimmy (Andras Jones).
The only law is provided by Sheriff Bill Childers (Dick Miller), who has a squad car but apparently no deputies. Childers is gruff but not that bad of a guy once you get to know him. However, he’s also played by Dick Miller and we all know better than to depend on Dick Miller to maintain the peace.
There’s a gas station nearby. A mellow Vietnam vet named Duckett (Richard Masur) owns it. Duckett is always willing to be helpful but he rarely has any gas. This is one of those small towns where the gas truck apparently only rolls in every two months or so. Still, Duckett’s a nice guy and he’s full of stories about how the government used to do atomic bomb tests in the surrounding desert.
(The scenes where Duckett drives around the desert feel somewhat out of place but they’re still enjoyable, due to Masur’s eccentric performance.)
Living in the trailer park, there’s a lot of odd people. Some of them are permanent residents while some of them are just temporarily stranded. 14 year-old Pinky (Anthony Rapp, who would go on to appear in Dazed and Confused and Rent) lives with his mother and is a permanent resident. His mother is rarely seen, though occasionally she can be glimpsed through a window, propped up in front of the TV. Pinky says that, when he was a kid, he and Jimmy were best friends. But now, Jimmy and Pinky are enemies.
And then there’s Amy (Jennifer Tilly) and Louise (Karen Austin), who are just waiting for enough gas to come in to be able to get Amy’s car to start running again. Louise is intelligent and responsible. Amy is flighty and undependable. As soon as one of them accidentally pulls the handle off the driver’s side door, you just know one of them is going to end up getting trapped in that car at a bad moment.
When Far From Home opens, two newcomers have moved into the trailer park. Writer, divorced father, and self-described “former angry young man” Charlie Cox (Matt Frewer) has just spent a month with his 13 year-old daughter, Joleen (Drew Barrymore, who was 14 when she made Far From Home). It hasn’t exactly been a great vacation and it doesn’t get any better when Charlie’s car runs out of gas. Joleen is about to turn fourteen and she doesn’t want to spend her birthday in a crummy trailer park with her incredibly dorky dad.
However, both Jimmy and Pinky are happy that Joleen will be spending at least a day or two at the trailer park. At first, Joleen crushes on Jimmy and then, after Jimmy reveals himself to be aggressive and unstable, she crushes on Pinky, who protects her from Jimmy. One of the two boys is so obsessed with Joleen that he is willing to commit murder to keep her from leaving the trailer park. But which one?
(It’s actually pretty obvious but you probably already guessed that.)
Far From Home is a film about which I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, the movie’s totally predictable. Characters do dumb things for no real reason beyond needing to move the plot forward. Charlie’s parenting abilities change drastically from scene to scene. A traumatized character goes from catatonic to recovered to catatonic again with no real explanation.
One of my main issues with the film is that there’s no real surprise about who the killer turns out to be. Even worse, once the killer’s identity is revealed, the killer suddenly turns into one of those psychos who can come up with a dozen one-liners while trying to kill someone. I mean, seriously, who does that? Are movie psychos required to take a year’s worth of improv clubs and do an apprenticeship with the Upright Citizens Brigade before they’re allowed to pick up a knife? If I was the type to commit murder (and I’m not but let’s just say that I was), I would be too busy trying to make sure everyone was dead to be witty. I’d save the jokes until I was safely on a beach somewhere, drinking pink lemonade and keeping an eye out for Ben Gardner’s boat. That’s just me, I guess.
And yet, there’s a part of me that really likes this stupid, stupid movie. It’s a surprisingly well-directed film, full of artfully composed shots. The trailer park really does take on a life of its own and the film also makes good use of a nearby abandoned apartment building. It’s a great location and, occasionally, it lends the film a dash of surrealism. (Of course, I guess you could legitimately ask who would build an apartment complex in the middle of the desert, especially one that’s still humming with radiation from the Atomic bomb tests, but let’s not.) Richard Masur, Dick Miller, and Susan Tyrrell all give good performances. For that matter, the same is true of Anthony Rapp and Andras Jones. Neither Rapp nor Jones are to blame for the fact that they were let down by a weak script.
Though I doubt either one of them would describe Far From Home as being their proudest cinematic achievement, Matt Frewer and Drew Barrymore are totally believable as father and daughter. In the end, that’s why I like this movie. Whenever I’ve watched Far From Home, I’ve always been able to relate to Joleen. When I was thirteen, I basically was Joleen.
Fortunately, though, I was never found myself stranded in a trailer park full of homicidal maniacs.
Through the Shattered Lens 