Brad reviews HITCH (2005), starring Will Smith and Kevin James!

Posted on December 2, 2025 by Bradley Crain

I guess you can call this the holiday season of love for me, as I turn my attention today toward the 2005 romantic comedy HITCH. Will Smith stars as Alex “Hitch” Hitchens, a somewhat legendary and highly discreet consultant based in New York City. His specialty… helping less than perfect, even slightly awkward, men win the hearts of beautiful women. His methods are very effective, but he only works with men who are genuinely in love and not just chasing a one-night stand. His latest lovelorn client, the sweet and clumsy tax accountant Albert Brennaman (Kevin James), is smitten with a famous heiress named Allegra Cole (Amber Valletta), a client of the tax firm he works for. As Hitch works his magic for Albert, he also meets the cynical, but extremely beautiful tabloid journalist Sara Melas (Eva Mendes). Hitch finds himself falling for Sara at the same time that she’s on the trail of an urban myth of a “Date Doctor,” mistakenly believing that he is exploiting the emotions of women in the city for his own personal gain. When Sara and Amber discover who Hitch really is, will the guys’ true love win the day, or will the ladies believe it was all just a sleazy, manipulative setup?

HITCH is one of my favorite romantic comedies, and I watch it every year, usually multiple times. I’m a romantic at heart, and I really enjoy a film that plays with the idea of characters who truly care about, and respect, each other. This dynamic plays out through several different relationships. My favorite is the genuine friendship that develops between Hitch and Albert Brennamen. Hitch recognizes the sincere feelings that Albert has for Allegra, and he then goes all in to help him win her heart. While Will Smith is effortlessly charming and in peak movie star form, unsurprisingly, the character I identify the most with is Kevin James as Albert. His character is so sweet and earnest in his pursuit of Allegra that you just can’t help but pull for him. Balance that part of his character with James’ excellent physical comedy, whether it be his natural clumsiness or his unfounded confidence in his dance moves, and James gives the performance that takes this movie over the top for me. When teaching Albert the dance moves that he should stick with when he’s out on a date with Allegra, Hitch utters the line, “Don’t you bite your lip. Stop it!” It was that moment when I realized that, like Albert, I never dance without biting my own lip!

While the fraternal love between Hitch and Albert is my favorite relationship in the film, I also like the romantic relationship that develops between Hitch and Sara. I appreciate the way both characters step out of their comfort zones and risk their own hearts for each other. This is not easy for either of them, as Hitch’s charm and confidence actually masks deep insecurities based on his past relationships. Sara, on the other hand, has allowed herself to become very cynical towards all men, building walls so tall that no man can climb them. The fact that they truly open themselves up to each other, even if there are some serious complications along the way, gave me a strong rooting interest in their happiness.

The last performance I wanted to highlight in HITCH is that of Jeffrey Donovan, who plays sleazy narcissist Vance Munson. Munson tries to hire Hitch to help him get a vulnerable woman into bed, and in a moment of pure audience satisfaction, he pays the price for his disrespect. About the time I watched HITCH, Donovan was starring in a T.V. series that I really enjoyed called BURN NOTICE. I’m a big fan of Donovan, and he’s perfect here as a man you love to hate. In a movie full of likable characters, Vance Munson was a needed counterpoint, and his A-hole character really stands out.

No movie is perfect, but if you’re in the mood for something that’s lighthearted, funny, and makes you want to fall in love, then HITCH is about as close as it gets.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.17 “Gopher’s Daisy/Our Son, The Lawyer/Salvaged Romance”

Posted on September 17, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Come aboard! Love is life’s sweetest reward….

Episode 6.17 “Gopher’s Daisy/Our Son, The Lawyer/Salvaged Romance”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on January 29th, 1983)

Gopher has a new exercise machine but only he and the Captain know about it. All through the cruise, Gopher and Stubing disappear into Gopher’s cabin, put out the “Do Not Disturb” sign and then groan and moan while using the exercise machine.

At the same, the ship has a stowaway. As a part of her sorority initiation, Jennifer Canfield (Chanelle Lea) has to take a cruise without paying for it. (That’s an odd initiation ritual.) Having figured out Gopher’s schedule, Jennifer secretly stays in his room whenever he’s doing his duties. Julie and Isaac both spot Jennifer sneaking in and out of Gopher’s cabin and they quickly decide that both Gopher and Stubing must have brought her aboard to be their — what? Their personal sex slave? That seems to be the implication. Strangely, neither Isaac nor Julie seem to be too upset about that implication. Julie has a cocaine problem so I guess I can understand her attitude but Isaac …. well, I expect more from Isaac.

Eventually, Jennifer is caught. Instead of having her arrested, the Captain allows Julie and Isaac to pay for Jennifer’s fare on the boat. So, does this mean that Jennifer’s not going to be allowed to join the sorority?

(Myself, I’m just considering the amount of people who have stowed away on the Love Boat over the past few seasons. Seriously, taking a cruise without paying for it appears to be the easiest thing in the world.)

Meanwhile, James Coco and Doris Roberts play Harriet and Lou, a married couple who board the boat with their son, Jonathan (Adam Arkin). Now that Jonathan has graduated law school and passed the bar, he thinks that it might be time for him to move into a place of his own. Harriet is so traumatized at the thought of Jonathan moving out that she demands a divorce from Lou. Both Harriet and Lou want to be represented by Jonathan. Run, Jonathan, run! In the end, the marriage is saved and everything get worked out but seriously, Jonathan needs to do more than just get an apartment of his own. He needs to move to another state or maybe even another country.

(Also, in the past, there’s no way Julie would have ignored a handsome, single lawyer on the ship. Unfortunately, Julie now seems to be more concerned with finding her next fix than finding a husband.)

Finally, Allison Newman (Joan Rivers) is a recently divorced woman who starts a tentative shipboard romance with passenger Max Glutovsky (Alex Rocco). However, when Max tries teacher her how to play shuffleboard and puts his hands around her waist, Allison yells for him to leave her alone and runs away. Max thinks that Allison is rejecting him because he’s not as rich as she is. Max, you dumbass! Allison has just had a mastectomy, Her husband left her after the operation and now, she’s feeling insecure about getting close to anyone. Of the three stories, the one worked the best, due to the performances of Rivers and Rocco.

The Rivers/Rocco story was effective. The storyline with Roberts, Coco, and Arkin was rather shrill and left me feeling sorry for Adam Arkin’s character. (Casting Doris Roberts as an overly possessive mother made this story feel like an unsuccessful dry run for Everybody Loves Raymond.) Isaac and Julie thinking Gopher was sex fiend? That was just silly. In other words, this was a pretty uneven cruise.

Next week, hopefully things will look up with a two-hour episode set in Greece!

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.11 “Heads or Tails/Mona of the Movies/The Little People”

Posted on April 26, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Let’s set sail for adventure!

Episode 2.11 “Heads or Tails/Mona of the Movies/The Little People”

(Dir by George Tyne, originally aired on November 25th, 1978)

The Love Boat crew is super excited because the glamorous movie star, Mona Maxwell (Rhonda Flemming), is going to be on the cruise. Apparently, this is not her first time to sail on the Love Boat. Captain Stubing can’t wait to get reacquainted with her. The walking HR nightmare that is Doc Bricker can’t wait to flirt with her. Artie D’Angelo (Orson Bean), a passenger who owns a chain of garages, is shocked to see that his favorite movie star in on the boat.

Artie may be a big fan of Mona’s but, whenever he tries to talk to her, he finds that he simply cannot find the words. With Doc’s help, Artie finally works up the courage to ask Mona to have dinner with him. Mona accepts and the two of them soon find themselves falling in love. The only problem is that Artie just cannot bring himself to believe that a big movie star like Mona would be interested in a guy like him. Really, Artie is being way too hard on himself. He’s a likable guy! And, fear not, he and Mona leave ship arm-in-arm.

Meanwhile, two frat dudes — Alex (Adam Arkin) and Wally (Richard Gilliand) — have made a bet over who will be the first to sweep Julie off of her feet. When they start the betting, it’s for money but eventually, they decide to just bet a pizza. Julie spends time with both of them and has fun, especially with Alex. But then a jealous Wally reveals the truth about the bet and Julie announces that she doesn’t want anything else to do with either of them. Gopher tells Julie that she should actually be flattered that the two guys were both so determined to date her. Apparently deciding that she’s not really bothered by the fact that both of her suitors just spent an entire weekend lying to her, Julie forgives them and then says that she’s going to spend an equal amount of time with both Alex and Wally so neither one of them will win or lose the bet.

Finally, Doug Warren (Edward Albert) is on the cruise with his parents, who are celebrating their anniversary. Coincidentally, Doug’s co-worker, Beth (Patty McCormack), is also on the cruise! Doug and Beth quickly fall in love but then Beth is freaked out when she sees two little people in the ship’s lounge. She explains to Doug that little people make her nervous. She always worries about what would happen if her child turned out to be a little people. What she doesn’t know is that the little people — Ralph (Billy Barty) and Dottie (Patty Maloney, who also guest-starred on the famous disco-themed episode of The Brady Bunch Hour) — are Doug’s parents!

Without telling Beth why, Doug says that he can no longer see her. A heart-broken Beth goes to the Acapulco Lounge where she gets into a conversation with Ralph and Dottie. She discovers that Ralph and Dottie are just like everyone else and she also finds out that Doug is their very tall son. She tells Doug that she’s no longer worried about their potential children being little people and …. you know, this plot line is just ridiculous. Beth is prejudiced against people based on their height and she’s basically told Doug that she would freak out if her child was anything other than “normal.” And yet, Doug and his parents act all excited when Beth announces that she still loves Doug, regardless of who his parents are. Doug, sweetie — you can do better!

I definitely had mixed feelings about this episode. Orson Bean and Rhonda Fleming were both perfectly charming in their storyline but the other two stories were both pretty icky. I spent the entire episode waiting for Julie to tell off Alex and Wally and for Doug to tell off Beth and, in both cases, it didn’t happen. This was definitely not one of the better cruises of the Pacific Princess.

Hopefully, next week’s destination will be a bit nicer.

In the Line of Duty: Hunt For Justice (1994, directed by Dick Lowry)

Posted on August 13, 2022 by Jedadiah Leland

When New Jersey State Trooper Philip Lomonaco (Dan Lauria) pulls over a car for having mud on its license plate, he doesn’t know that the car is being driven by two members of the United Freedom Front, a group of left-wing revolutionaries. While Lomonaco talks to Tom Manning (Miguel Ferrer), Dickie Williams (Dell Yount) opens fire. Lomanaco is killed and Tom and Dickie flee to their safehouse in New England. While the United Freedom Front plots their next series of bombings and bank robberies, Lomonaco’s ex-partner (Nicholas Turturro) teams up with an FBI agent (Adam Arkin) to track down the terrorists and get justice for his fallen friend.

Hunt For Justice was the ninth of NBC’s In The Line of Duty films. The previous films featured religious cults, anti-tax protestors, drug lords, and mobsters. In this one, the antagonists are all former 60s radicals who are still trying to overthrow the system. The FBI views the United Freedom Front as being a threat to national security while Lomonaco’s partner just wants to make sure that Lomonaco’s death won’t go unpunished. Dan Lauria was actually a mainstay of the In The Line of Duty films, appearing previously in A Cop for the Killing and and Ambush in Waco. (Nicholas Turturro was previously featured, on the other side of the law, in Mob Justice.) Since most people who watch this film will probably remember Lauria as being Kevin Arnold’s father in The Wonder Years, everyone will want his killers to be brought to justice.

As with the previous In The Line of Duty movies, the action is evenly divided between law enforcement and the criminals that they’re pursuing. At first, Miguel Ferrer seems like odd-casting as a leftist who admires Che Guevara but he gives a good performance as someone who regrets some of the decisions that he made in the past but who knows that he can’t change them now. Melissa Leo is also very good as his wife. Stephen Root and Dean Norris, two other actors who you would not necessarily expect to see playing left-wing revolutionaries, are cast as the other members of the United Freedom Front and Hunt For Justice does a good job of contrasting their middle class lifestyles with their revolutionary rhetoric. One of the ironies of the film is that the revolutionaries are leading much more comfortable and financially-stable lives than the men who are trying to hunt them down. In fact, the main problem with the movie is that the revolutionaries are so interesting that it’s always a letdown when the action shifts over to Turturro and Arkin, whose characters are far less interesting. Arkin and Turturro go through the expected paces. The FBI doesn’t like it when local cops try to interfere with their investigations. Who knew?

Hunt for Justice is a pretty standard In The Line of Duty movie but no movie featuring Miguel Ferrer, Melissa Leo, and Stephen Root is ever going to be a total loss. The cast is the best thing that Hunt For Justice has going for it.

Miniseries Review: The Offer (dir by Dexter Fletcher, Adam Arkin, Colin Bucksey, and Gwyneth Horder-Payton)

Posted on June 20, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Almost despite myself, I enjoyed The Offer.

That may come as a surprise to some. The Offer is a 10-hour miniseries about the making of The Godfather and how Hollywood politics aren’t really that much different from Mafia politics. As anyone who has regularly read this site over the past few years should know, I absolutely love The Godfather. It’s my favorite movie. It’s a movie about which I’ve done a lot of personal research. There’s very little about the making of The Godfather that I don’t know. If we’re going to be honest, I’m probably a little bit of a snob about it.

So, like many people, I was a bit skeptical when I first heard about The Offer. It didn’t seem like something that was particularly necessary and it was hard for me to imagine how the miniseries would ever be able to convincingly cast anyone as Marlon Brando or Al Pacino or, for that matter, Francis Ford Coppola. My skepticism only increased when I learned that the story was going to be told from the perspective of the film’s producer, Al Ruddy. Everyone agrees that Ruddy was an important part of The Godfather team but he’s never been quite as compelling a figure as the brilliant but often self-destructive Brando or the neurotic but playful Pacino. When people talk about what makes The Godfather such a brilliant film, they talk about the quotable dialogue. They talk about the masterful performances. They talk about Coppola’s skill as a storyteller. They talk about the way that Gordon Willis lit the scenes so that the characters often seemed to be on the verge of being swallowed by their shadows. They even talk about how Robert Evans insisted that the film could only be directed by an Italian and how Evans defied Paramount when the studio originally demanded that Coppola cut the film down to two hours. When Al Ruddy is praised, it’s usually for staying out of the way.

I knew that I would have to watch The Offer eventually but I avoided it while it was actually airing and I made sure not to read anyone else’s opinion to it. Despite my own obvious biases, I did want to try to maintain as open a mind as I possibly could. That said, I wasn’t expecting much when I finally watched The Offer this weekend.

But, as I said at the start of this review, I enjoyed it.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s a bit of a silly show. If The Offer was a sitcom, it would be called Everybody Loves Ruddy because the main theme of the show seems to be that Al Ruddy (played by a miscast Miles Teller) was literally the most important man in the entire history of Hollywood. There’s not a problem that Ruddy can’t solve, whether it’s convincing CBS to air a tasteless sitcom called Hogan’s Heroes or convincing Paramount to take a huge risk on a mercurial director named Coppola and an unknown actor named Pacino. When gangster Joe Colombo (Giovanni Ribisi) tries to interfere with production, Ruddy befriends him and is soon a popular guy with the crew. When Al Pacino (Anthony Ippolito) signs a contract with MGM, Ruddy puts the pressure on Paramount to find a way to get Pacino out of it. When Coppola (Dan Fogler) has a fight with Gordon Willis (T.J. Thyne), Ruddy convinces them to make up. When Robert Evans (Matthew Goode) goes on a coke binge, Ruddy snaps him out of it. When …. well, you get the idea. There’s nothing Al Ruddy can’t do! When Evans mentioned that Henry Kissinger was coming to the Godfather premiere, I half expected Al Ruddy to negotiate a ceasefire in Vietnam.

From the start, The Offer is full of visual cues and dialogue that pay homage to not only The Godfather but the other films of the period. The first line of the miniseries is Joe Colombo telling someone to, “Leave the cannoli.” At first, I groaned but, slowly but surely, the show won me over. By the end of the first episode, it was obvious that The Offer was not necessarily meant to be taken literally. The Offer doesn’t tell the story of what Hollywood was really like in the late 60s and early 70s. Instead, it tells the story of how people like me, who were born a few decades too late, imagine it was. It’s less about the decade itself and more about how that decade continues to fascinate us and spark our imagination. In our imagination, Robert Evans is snorting coke in his office, Ali MacGraw is lounging by the pool, Frank Sinatra is making angry phone calls to Joe Colombo, Al Pacino is so nervous that he can’t look anyone in the eye, and Marlon Brando is wandering around his mansion in a kimono and talking about how he can’t get anyone to see his latest, politically-charged film. In our fantasies, it only makes sense that Evans and his assistant Peter Bart (Josh Zuckerman) would spend all of their time dropping titles of well-regarded, still-remembered films because why would anyone fantasize about them discussing a film that was forgotten? And, of course, no one is going to fantasize about people discussing some actor who was briefly big in 1972 and then spent the rest of their career on television. Instead, in the fantasy, it’s all about Robert Redford, Jack Nicholson, Liz Taylor, and Marlon Brando. It also makes sense that only classic 70s music would be heard in the background of every scene because, seriously, who ever fantasizes about a bad song playing at a party?

Once it is accepted that it is all meant to be a fantasy, it becomes much easier to appreciate The Offer for what it is, a gossipy, Hollywood story with a Mafia subplot and an overabundance period detail. Once the viewer accepts The Offer is a fantasy, the viewer is freed up to appreciate the 70s-chic wardrobe. Once the viewer gets past the fact that the cast is playing characters based on actual people, it becomes much easier to appreciate the performances of character actors like Colin Hanks (who plays an uptight executive) and Burn Gorman (who plays the notoriously eccentric businessman, Charles Bluhdorn). Patrick Gallo is slyly funny as Mario Puzo while Dan Fogler does a credible enough job as Coppola, even if he never quite captures Coppola’s larger-than-life persona. Even Lou Ferrigno gets a nice bit, playing a mob enforcer turned unwilling actor. At the center of it all is the absolutely brilliant Matthew Goode, giving a charismatic performance as the brilliant but sometimes unstable Robert Evans.

As a history, The Offer won’t win any points for accuracy. But, as a fantasy, it’s undeniably entertaining. It’s not so much the story of how The Godfather was made but the story of how we wish it was made.

Halloween H20; ALT Title: They Stab Baby Boomers, Don’t They?

Posted on October 29, 2016 by casewright

h20

Gentle Readers, Is it time for Michael Myers? Oh yeah. Is it time for Halloween H20? Oh Yeah! You bet your ass it is!

Halloween H20 is a lot of fun and had a deep bench of talent. Robert Zappia and Matt Greenberg wrote the film and Veteran Horror Director Steve Miner helmed it. Robert Zappia went on to write for Children’s Television and Graphic Novels. Matt Greenberg later wrote “Reign of Fire” and “1408” – both films had good moments of suspense. I wrote to Robert Zappia and he informed me that the rest stop scene, which I will discuss later was written by Matt Greenberg. He and director Steve Miner knew what they were doing to jolt us without any jumpscares. The casting was very well done and, it was, in fact a who’s who of soon to be Stars. Here we go!!!

Langdon, Illinois. October 28, 1998. I just needed to smell the clove cigarettes, see the flannel, and not see any cell phones to know it. A simpler time. For the uninitiated, the 90s were a time when you met someone that you had attraction for in person. A Nurse is concerned that her office was broken into by a person unknown. We see younger Joseph Gordon Levitt (Pre-Looper). He was not manly in any way, but a real heart throb in his “3rd Rock” days. Of course, they have him playing Hockey … somehow. Nurse asks Levitt to search her home. He goofs around and steals some beers. The Nurse realizes that her files were stolen. Which files? Wait for it…. Laurie Strode’s. She looks around for Levitt and his friend. They were not so creatively killed with Hockey Skates to the face. He kills her too and steals her car. There is also a bit of continuity trouble with the daylight turning to night abruptly. Let’s take a moment and think about this: Michael Myers is really good at intelligence gathering, stealing, and killing. If only we could harness his skills for Uncle Sugar…..

We’re goin back to Haddonfield to Haddonfield to Haddonfield …. Nah, I don’t think so! [sung]

Random California Town: We see Jamie Lee Curtis fresh off from “True Lies”and the Headmistress of an elite boarding school. She has a grown son- Josh Hartnett (Josh) who really really wants to go camping in Yosemite. She won’t let him go. Sorry Josh, you’re just gonna have to stay home and make out with Michelle Williams. How will he possibly manage?! Speaking of the 90s, we’ve got Michelle Williams (MW), Chicago Hope Guy (CHG), Jodi Lynn O’Keefe (Jodi), LL Cool J (LL Cool J), and Ally McBeal (jk on this last one…probably). Through some not bad showing not telling, we learn: LL Cool J is an aspiring trashy romance novel writer AKA as a Paaaaaperback Wriiiiiiter, Jamie Lee and CHG are k-i-s-s-i-n-g, Jodi is dating a guy way below her level of hotness, and we can tell Michelle Williams is on financial aid because she works in the kitchen and uses a dumbwaiter.

CUT TO: A Mom pulls into a rest stop. We see the stolen car in the BG. This scene is pretty goddamn suspenseful! Well done, Robert Zappia. MM isn’t there to kill, just steal the mom’s car. Damn, MM is a great car thief!

Josh is all in lurve with Michelle Williams, sending her flowers in the dumbwaiter. JLC and CHG make out again. These are the horniest baby boomers ever! Josh wants to go into town. JLC says no. He convinces LL Cool J to let him sneak out. LL, I get it – Josh is dreamy, but you have a job responsibilities. Plus, I don’t think he’s the supermarket romance novel kind of guy; Josh’s more of the porking Michelle Williams kind of guy. JLC is out with CHG and snakes a drink when he goes to the bathroom. Good showing! She catches Josh off the compound…I mean school grounds. He lets her have it.

Back to the school: JLC releases the kids to Yosemite and her son so she believes so that the victims ….I mean residents….can be a …killable number. JLC gets home and boozes up. Josh has totally Dawson’s Creeked the make out basement area. I’m with Josh on this one. I’ve been to Yosemite and Yellowstone and thye’ve got Old Faithful, but if Michelle Williams is your other option …I don’t even want to write choice because Old Faithful could get its feelings hurt. I’m not saying that Josh isn’t planning on some regularly scheduled eruptions coupled with amateur photography, but it’s likely not at a national park.

JLC and CHG are making out … again. She tells him all about her brother being a murdering sociopath to set the mood and give herself an excuse to polish off more vodka.

This story has been pretty compelling, but it’s stabbing time. MM finds the way too ugly to date Jodi O’Keefe guy, cuts his throat, and puts him in the dumbwaiter. MM really likes things in their place; it makes you wonder if psychopathic murderers are OCD people gone to a terrible extreme. I knew a girl in college who would check her car doors to see if they were locked over and over. Maybe she murdered people too? Jodi looks for her BF and gets stalked by MM. She flees to the dumbwaiter and is next to her dead BF. She gets to the basement, but as she exits, MM cuts the dumbwaiter cord, the dumbwaiter lands on her leg, and her leg breaks horribly. Josh and Michelle find their friends all dead. They run to JLC. She sees her brother – Yikes. They must have the most awkward Thanksgivings! Seriously, it must be much worse than the year my girls and I wore Bernie Sanders shirts and my mom started quoting Ayn Rand over stuffing.

They all run and CHG accidentally shoots LL J. Bummer. CHG gets stabbed for his trouble. JLC ,MW, and Josh run, but he gets wounded and MW hits MM with a rock. Michelle Williams might be perfect: smart, can cook, gorgeous, can fight … Call Me. JLC badasses and sends MW and Josh off to safety as she gets an axe to deal with her brother. You go girl! They confront each other in the dining hall. It’s a pretty amazingly suspenseful scene. Seriously, the writer and director really kicked ass with this and many other scenes. Well done. JLC gets the upper hand and stabs MM. She’s ready to cut him up into bits when LL shows up, telling her he’s dead. Word? If only LL had been reading our reviews, he would know that this is not the end.

The Coroners show up, but JLC isn’t having it! She grabs the van and proceeds to drive MM out to the woods and chop his head off. Pretty awesome ending! I have to be honest this film is not really dated, it has terrific suspense, great writing, edgy directing. I would recommend making this a staple of Halloween season viewing.

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