Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 2.11 “The Best Man”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Yes, this is from the first season. I don’t care. I refuse to waste my time looking for a second season advertisement.

Where was I when the new Pope was revealed?  I was watching this stupid show.

Episode 2.11 “The Best Man”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on January 15th, 2000)

Finally, after weeks of posting apologetic notes and an imdb summaries, I have reached a second season episode of Malibu, CA that has actually been uploaded to YouTube.  In fact, it appears that most of the rest of season 2 has been uploaded so I’ll be able to do real reviews now as opposed to just snarky speculation.

Normally, I’d celebrate but this is Malibu, CA.  It is, by far, the worst show that I’ve reviewed here at the Shattered Lens.  This week’s episode was especially stupid and the only thing that’s keeping me from really getting mad about having wasted 30 minutes of my life on it is the fact that we have a new Pope and he’s American!

The plot of this week’s episode is dumber than dumb.  Murray’s best friend is marrying Lisa’s friend.  How Lisa (the character, not me!) has any friends, I’m not really sure.  She just moved to California at the start of the season, she acts like a condescending bitch to just about everyone she meets, and she’s continually talking about how better she is then everyone.  Regardless, Scott has a crush on her …. then again, Scott also treats everyone he knows like crap so maybe that explains it.  Anyway, Murray is the best man and Lisa is the maid of honor and Traycee says that means they’re destined to fall in love.  Murray decides that Lisa is his girlfriend and, for some reason, neither Scott nor Lisa can find the courage to tell Murray the truth.

Meanwhile, Jason, his father, and new lifeguard Alex (Suzanne Davis) go into the piemaking business together.  They’re using Alex’s grandmother’s recipe and everyone loves the pie!  It’s so popular that they even set up a conveyer belt in the kitchen to make boxing the pies up go quicker.  But then Jason gets distracted, the conveyer starts moving too quickly, and — hey, there’s pie everywhere!

(Hmmm…. this seems familiar….)

Uh-oh!  There’s a lawyer in the restaurant and he’s threatening to sue.  It turns out that Alex’s grandmother got her recipe from the pies that were being made by a professional bakery.  And now, Jason and his Dad are getting sued, unless they stop making and selling the pies….

Wait a minute!  SCREECH’S SPAGHETTI SAUCE!  This whole thing is just a remake of an episode of Saved By The Bell!  They didn’t even bother to come up with new ending!

Seriously, screw these lazy writers!  I don’t ask for much, especially when the show is produced by Peter Engel.  I’m certainly not expecting or demanding a hard-hitting drama or a ground-breaking comedy.  But come on — DON’T JUST PLAGAIRZINE YOURSELF, YOU MORONS!  MAKE SOME SORT OF FREAKING EFFORT!

Ugh, this show!

I didn’t care much for this episode.

Song of the Day: Chicago by Frank Sinatra


We have a new pope and he’s from Chicago!  Which brings us to today’s song of the day….

Now, this could only happen to a guy like me
And only happen in a town like this
So may I say to each of you most gratefully
As I throw each one of you a kiss, this is

My kind of town, Chicago is
My kind of town, Chicago is
My kind of people, too
People who smile at you

And each time I roam, Chicago is
Calling me home, Chicago is
Why I just grin like a clown
It’s my kind of town

My kind of town, Chicago is
My kind of town, Chicago is
My kind of razzmatazz
And it has all that jazz

And each time I leave, Chicago is
Tuggin’ my sleeve, Chicago is
The Wrigley Building, Chicago is
The Union Stockyard, Chicago is
One town that won’t let you down
It’s my kind of town

Songwriters: Sammy Cahn / Jimmy Van Heusen

Scenes That I Love: A Conversation From Roberto Rossellini’s Rome, Open City


Today’s scene that I love comes from Rome, Open City:

Filmed in 1945, Roberto Rossellini’s Rome, Open City was one of the first films to be made about life under the Nazis.  What set this film apart from others is that the majority of the cast actually had lived under the occupation.  While there were a few professional amongst the cast, Rossellini also used many nonprofessional actors, who brought a weary authenticity to their roles and their portrayal of life in occupied Rome.

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Roberto Rossellini Edition


4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

119 years ago, on this date, the great Italian neorealist director (and husband of Ingrid Bergman and father of Isabella Rossellini), Roberto Rossellini was born in Rome.  It’s time for….

4 Shots From 4 Roberto Rossellini Films

Rome, Open City (1945, dir by Roberto Rossellini, DP: Ubaldo Arata)

Europe ’51 (1952, dir by Roberto Rossellini, DP: Aldo Tonti)

Fear (1954, dir by Roberto Rossellini, DP: Carlo Carlini, DP: Heinz Schnackertz)

Journey to Italy, (1954, dir by Roberto Rossellini, DP: Enzo Serafin)

Music Video of the Day: Gold by Victoria Justice (2013, dir by Chandler Lass)


This was Victoria Justice’s debut solo single.  It took seven people to write this song.  Personally, I think Victoria has sounded better in just about every other song she’s ever performed but at least she got to flirt with Colton Haynes in this music video.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 3.17 “Leavings”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, Monsters makes even less sense than usual.

Episode 3.17 “Leavings”

(Dir by John Tillinger, originally aired on January 20th, 19991)

Two cops (played by Tony Shalhoub and John Christopher Jones) are concerned about something that they’ve noticed on the streets.  Homeless people who are missing limbs are showing up.  The cops know that the homeless people had all their limbs just a few days ago but now, they’re gone.  There’s no sign of surgery or any sort of trauma.  The limbs are just disappearing apparently.  Meanwhile, there’s some new homeless guy wandering around who appears to be made out of limbs that don’t really seem to go together.

They go to their boss (Clifton James) with this concerns.  Their boss tells them not to worry about it.  However, the cops continue to worry about it.  This leads to their boss revealing the truth of what’s happening.  It turns out that their boss has been stealing body parts and building new people for years.  He’s trying to create a policeman who will be loyal and who won’t ask questions.  (We only see one of these constructed cops in the show.  He wears a jacket that identifies him as being Officer S. Partz.)  The boss then kills the two cops because they’ve seen too much.

This was a weird episode.  How exactly did their boss learn how to remove body parts without leaving any sort of obvious signs of trauma?  How did he learn how to bring his constructed people to life?  How did …. well, it just doesn’t make any sense.  It’s true that a 30-minuet anthology show doesn’t necessarily have to make perfect sense but this episode really does stretch things a bit too far.  The three actors all give good performances but, otherwise, this episode just falls a bit flat.

Song of the Day: Do It To Me (Once More) by Riz Ortolani


The House on the Edge of the Park (1980, dir by Ruggero Deodato)

Today’s song of the day is a deathless little disco song that comes from the soundtrack of Ruggero Deodato‘s legendarily tacky film, The House On The Edge Of The Park.  This was one of many songs composed by Riz Ortolani, the John Williams of Italian exploitation cinema.

SHANE (The TV Series) – Episode 15: “The Great Invasion – Part 1” (originally aired December 17th, 1966)


Episode 15 opens with Shane (David Carradine) at a hotel in Cheyenne, WY. He hears a ruckus in the next room where a guy named Jed (Charles Grodin) is holding court with a group of men and women. Jed, who has clearly been drinking way too much, is going on about the honor of serving with Captain William Quantrill. He asks Shane to have a drink with him and Shane declines. Offended by this, Jed challenges Shane only to get his ass thoroughly kicked in about 10 seconds flat. One of the men in the group recognizes Shane as the great gunfighter. Soon the men force Shane at gunpoint to go see their boss, Major George Hackett (Bradford Dillman). It seems Hackett is putting together a group of men for a project and offers Shane the large sum of $75 per week to join up. Sensing something bad, Shane turns down his offer and leaves. Shane is right to leave as we soon learn that Hackett’s “project” is to eliminate any homesteaders who are not a part of the Cattlemen’s Benevolent Association, a large outfit out of Chicago.

While in Cheyenne, Shane also runs into his old friend Longhorn Jenny (Constance Ford) who is in town selling a herd of cattle. She’s accompanied by her assistant Dan (Archie Moore). The two swap some old stories, with Shane even asking how she came across that herd of cattle. They seem to hint that she didn’t necessarily come across them legally. Shane says goodbye and starts the journey back to the ranch. Before leaving Cheyenne, he reads a story in the paper that specifically mentions Longhorn Jenny, implying that she’s a rustler. The story in the paper, which seems to back the Cattlemen’s Association, plus Major Hackett’s offer convinces Shane that something truly bad is on the way. When he gets back to the ranch, he tells Tom (Tom Tully), Marian (Jill Ireland) and a few other local homesteaders that he’s concerned that they may all be in danger. Unfortunately, everyone he speaks to in the valley about this situation, including cattleman Rufe Ryker (Bert Freed), think he’s overreacting and don’t seem concerned at all. Then Major Hackett and his men ride out to Jenny’s ranch, unveil their Gatling Gun and proceed to kill Jenny and Dan, ultimately hanging her at the gate with a sign that says “Rustler.” Even after Jenny is killed, no one in the valley will listen to Shane and prepare to defend themselves. Marian tells Shane that she’ll prepare to defend their ranch, but she is not leaving. Not knowing what to do to keep those he loves safe, Shane heads back to Cheyenne and accepts Hackett’s offer to work for him. Credits roll for the end of Part 1.  

A lot happens in the “The Great Invasion: Part 1.” All the main people are introduced, with Hackett and his plan coming into light. We also spend an inordinate amount of time with Longhorn Jenny as we meet her, learn about her and ultimately see her die. This being the first part of a two part episode, I’ll withhold my larger analysis for the next review, but I am looking forward to seeing where the story goes. I find the characters quite interesting. Bradford Dillman comes off as very odd and extremely dangerous as Major Hackett, a man who seems to relish the opportunity to use his Gatling Gun. Charles Grodin’s Jed appears to be your typical loudmouth killer at this point, but it will be interesting to see what happens to him. And I’m looking forward to seeing what Shane does to stop the madness before it takes out the people in their valley. There’s no way they can compete with Hackett’s Gatling Gun, so Shane will have to figure out a way to stop things from within. 

There were a few other interesting things I noted while watching this episode. First, when Shane is heading back to the ranch from Cheyenne, we see the Grand Teton Mountain range behind him for the first time in the series. If you remember, the Tetons are prominently featured in the classic 1953 film SHANE, and it was cool seeing them here. Second, Shane goes on a rant to Marian at one point about how newspapers spin the facts in a way that distorts the truth. Just in case anyone thought that a dishonest media was only a current issue, this should lay that theory to rest. And finally, Marian Starett flat out asks Shane why he continues to stay at the ranch. She’s clearly wanting to know if it’s for her. Once again he won’t give her the satisfaction of confirming her thoughts, and it appears that his reluctance to be honest with her is starting to wear thin. Couple that with a crying Joey who doesn’t understand why Shane left and the interpersonal emotions are running high as the episode fades out. I’m all in for seeing how it plays out. 

Shadows of Death (1945, directed by Sam Newfield)


After a railroad agent is murdered and his map of the future locations of the railroad is stolen, Billy Carson (Buster Crabbe) rides into a frontier town and searches for the guilty party.  Fortunately, for Billy, his best Fuzzy Q. Jones is the mayor, the sheriff, and the town barber!  Unfortunately, local gunslinger Clay Kincaid (Eddie Hall) wants to make a name for himself by taking on the famous Billy Carson.  Corrupt businessman Landreau (Charles King) encourages Clay by lying to him and telling him that Bully is planning on stealing Clay’s girl, Babs (Dona Dax).

A standard Poverty Row western, Shadows of Death was made by the same crew and cast who were involved with most of Buster Crabbe’s Billy The Kid films.  I’m not sure if Billy Carson is meant to be the same character as Billy the Kid, though.  Billy the Kid always had bounty hunters after him but Billy Carson works for the railroad.  However, it would be strange if Fuzzy Q. Jones just happened to be the favored sidekick of two gunslingers who just happen to both be named Billy.  Along with Fuzzy’s vaudeville style comedy, one thing that audiences could always take for granted was that Charles King would play the villain in these movies and Frank Ellis would always be his henchman.  I always wonder if audiences in the 40s noticed that Charles King’s businessman and Frank Ellis’s gunslinger always returned from the dead with every B-western that came out.

My favorite scene in this one is Billy bursting into Landreau’s office, just for Landreau to say that he expects visitors to knock.  Billy pauses long enough to knock on the door before getting down to the business of frontier justice.