Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.
This week, Coach Denardo has a bad dream and put the future of the Bulls in jeopardy.
Episode 1.7 “Uneasy Lies The Head”
(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on January 6th, 1985)
After having a nightmare in which the members of the Bulls all appear as parts of his failing body and a demonic linebacker (Donald Gibb) and a saintly quarterback (Jeff East) tell him that he has to decide whether he wants to go to Heaven or Hell, Coach Denardo fears that his time is up.
At the next game, Denardo is distracted. He calls the last time out, not realizing that he doesn’t have any left. The clocks runs out while the Bulls are trying to get set up for field goal. “Time out! Time out!” Denardo yells. “You have no time left, coach,” the referee replies, which is maybe not the best way to speak to a man recovering from a heart attack. As for the game, it’s a humiliating loss. Denardo says that he might have to retire….
Yeah, that sounds about right. I don’t know much about football but I can tell that Denardo made a lot of mistakes in the course of just two minutes. Get that old man out there! Heck, just let Diane coach like she did last week….
Diane decides to trick Denardo into staying. She rolls a really old computer out during practice and lets it call the plays. Denardo gets angry. No machine is going to replace Ernie Denardo!
Meanwhile, Bubba (Prince Hughes) upsets his mother-in-law.
Seriously, that’s the entire episode. That’s all that happens. I know it doesn’t sound like much but what can I tell you? I sat through this and spent the whole time wondering when the episode’s actual story was going to start and it really didn’t. Denardo had a bad dream. Bubba upset his mother-in-law. That’s it.
This episode was forgettable. Diane should have fired Denardo after that loss. I fear the Bulls aren’t going to make it to whatever this show’s version of the Super Bowl is.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!
Gavin MacLeod of the clan MacLeod declares (after the song number) “There can be only one!”, runs amok
This episode should be called- Lying Liars Who Lie!!!!
There are three stories all of which have pathological liars. The first story is “Paroled to Love” and it is beyond impossible. Gloria Baxter (Vicki Lawrence) is a criminal defense lawyer who just got a pardon for her embezzling client Eddie (Richard Kline). As the plot would have it, Eddie and Gloria love one another, but Eddie has a secret: he done did it and Gloria thought he was an innocent man!
Sidenote: as you may know, I was a criminal attorney for a number of years and in all of those cases, I can’t say that I had no innocent clients because I had one. One!
When I told my criminal defense attorney public defender friends that I had an actually innocent client, they told me to hold on because they needed to get recesses in the courthouse so that all of the PD’s could come out and hear this tale that sounded like lore! These attorneys had been doing criminal defense for decades and never had an innocent client! There was a crowd of over 70 attorneys, both public and private! They listened rapt to every detail of my story like I was Gandolf telling the stories of the rings!
I told them that I had documented proof that the police officer had not only lied, but falsified his police report, you could feel their goosebumps. Several of them begged me to just let them sit next to me as co-council or let them file a motion for me for free just so they could be part of this once in a career event. So, why in the world did Gloria not just presume that Eddie was not only guilty but a liar? Was this her first case? Was she hit on the head with something hard? Was her law school in Candyland?
Yes, Eddie lied to Gloria so she would get him a pardon when in fact, he was an embezzler, and she insists that to have her love he must go back to jail. At first, Eddie refuses, then she changes her mind, and Eddie decides to change his mind and go back to prison! It’s weird for many reasons: lawyers can’t date their clients and once a pardon is issued, it can’t be revoked! Once a pardon is accepted- It’s over.
The second story with a lying liar who lies is the Phyllis Faraday (Carole Cook) storyline. Phyllis wants to get a part playing of Florence Nightingale so decides to be a fake nurse for the Doc in order to get practice. Sadly, there was a shuffleboard accident and she did not set a compound fracture properly, the patient became septic, died, and the show was renamed The Death Boat. The show still had song and dance numbers, but they were all by Adele.
JK, she meets a guy who’s a rancher out of Wyoming, who thinks she’s an actual nurse and he falls in love with her after 24 hours because he thinks she’s a tenderhearted nurse. However, she is not a nurse and must confess this.
But did she really need to confess anything? I mean, this guy fell in love with her after 24 hours. How do you know that he won’t fall in love with the cab driver who picked them up for the ship and took them to their hotel or a cashier or anyone he meets for any period of time over 60 seconds?
The last storyline of lying liars who lie was probably the most weird, but it did allow them to have their required vaudeville acts of impressions and singing. Doris (Leia’s Mom) and Marsha (Marilyn Michaels) started a talent company with Julie. Gotta say, Julie seems agitated – I wonder why? Could it be????
Unfortunately, Doris and Marsha booked all of these celebrities to go on the cruise, but they sent them on the wrong cruise. They sent the stars on an Alaskan cruise and they didn’t bring any warm clothes which makes me wonder. Are they all dead? Is this like “Alive?” Why would that cruise ship take these stars aboard, when they were not on the manifest? What kind of a rogue cruise ship was this? Was it, in fact, a ship devoted to human trafficking? Are all these poor Hollywood stars now in some bizarre salt mine fighting to the death for the amusement of The Rumble on the infamous Money Plane???
I couldn’t find the “it’s rumble time”GIF
Doris and Marsha decide to do the most obvious thing: they pretend to be all these different Hollywood stars with OK impressions and then do a song number. Honestly, they might as well do that. It’s so hard for this show to contrive credible reasons for a song and dance number for every episode that I’ve seen so far; so, why not this?
4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!
Today, TSL wishes a happy birthday to cinematographer Robert Richardson. It’s time for….
4 Shots From 4 Robert Richardson Films
JFK (1991, dir by Oliver Stone, DP: Robert Richardson)
The Horse Whisperer (1998. dir by Robert Redford, DP: Robert Richardson)
Inglourious Basterds (2009, dir by Quentin Tarantino, DP: Robert Richardson)
Hugo (2011, dir by Martin Scorsese, DP: Robert Richardson)
Do you want to watch one of the most expensive music videos ever made?
Even more importantly, do you have 15 minutes to watch MC Hammer?
The idea behind this video is that MC Hammer is thinking about quitting the business but James Brown wants him to steal Michael Jackson’s glove. Before we even get to Hammer, we sit through James Belushi as a newscaster and cameos from several 1991 celebrities. Danny Glover, Henry Winkler, Freedom Williams, David Faustino, Barry Sobel, Ralph Tresvant, Mark and Donnie Wahlberg, Eazy-E, DJ Quik, 2nd II None, Tony Danza, Queen Latifah and Milli Vanilli all appear in this video, as do several athletes: José Canseco, Isiah Thomas, Kirby Puckett, Jerry Rice, Rickey Henderson, Deion Sanders, Andre Rison, Wayne Gretzky, Chris Mullin, Roger Clemens, Roger Craig, Ronnie Lott, Lynette Woodard, the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, David Robinson, and former Atlanta Falcons coach Jerry Glanville. Obviously, with David Faustino and Tony Danza standing behind him, there was no way MC Hammer could quit.
This video was named the fifth worst music video of all time by MAX Music. That was only with hindsight, though. A shortened version was a hit on MTV and, in 1991, the Atlanta Falcons dubbed themselves the 2 Legit 2 Quite Falcons. (They went 10-6 that season.)
Director Rupert Wainwright also did the video for U Can’t Touch This.
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.
It’s time for more bicycle action.
Episode 2.17 “Runaway”
(Dir by Charles Siebert, originally aired on January 19th, 1997)
A teenage girl (Boti Bliss) is missing on the boardwalk. Maggie Garrity (Justina Vail), who runs the local shelter, is looking for her. When she asks the bike patrol for help, TC is dismissive up until he looks up from his paperwork and sees Maggie. I’ve noticed that this is a patten with the bike patrol. It’s rare that they do anything until they see it will involve hanging out with an attractive members of the opposite sex.
TC recruits Chris to help him put up flyers. Chris rolls her eyes because, seriously, why should a member of law enforcement be concerned with a teenage girl who has been abducted by a pimp (Gene Lythgow) and his psycho girlfriend (Ami Dolenz)? Personally, I would dread working for Chris because she never stops complaining. It says a lot about this show that the we’re nearly done with the second season and Chris still doesn’t have a personality beyond being whiny.
TC falls for Maggie but Maggie’s a nun! After they manage to rescue the missing girl, TC asks Maggie if maybe she could stop being a nun for a new nights so that they could go out on a date. Maggie says that it doesn’t work like that. What I find interesting is that TC has no problem casually asking Maggie to give up her vows just because he wants to date her. Hey, TC — this is why you’re single!
Meanwhile, Palermo has new expensive bicycle. What a dork. When the bike gets stolen, Victor has to find it. Palermo sure is mad about his missing bike. What a loser.
Today I’m starting a series about my favorite actors and their most important work in a particular decade, completely from my limited perspective. What a better actor for me to start with than Charles Bronson, my all time favorite. I hope to share some historical context as well as some tidbits about his film and TV appearances at the time. I know I’ll miss some good stuff, and I welcome your comments on that. We’ll see how this goes!
Charles Bronson entered the world of acting using the name Charles Buchinsky. His very first role is in the film YOU’RE IN THE NAVY NOW (1951) with Gary Cooper! This also happens to be the film debuts of actors Lee Marvin and Jack Warden! Bronson himself has said that he got the role because he could “belch on cue!”
You’re in the Navy Now (1951)
Bronson worked with the best actors on earth from the very beginning of his career. Still billed as Buchinsky, Bronson would share the screen with Spencer Tracy and Katharine Hepburn in 1952’s PAT AND MIKE!
Pat and Mike (1952)
I was lucky enough to catch HOUSE OF WAX (1953) on the big screen last summer. Bronson, still billed as Buchinsky at the time, co-starred as Igor in the 3-D, Vincent Price box office smash. He had some amazingly creepy scenes in the film!
House of Wax (1953) Me in 2024!!
For the first time in his career, he would be credited as Charles Bronson in the Alan Ladd western DRUM BEAT (1954). He changed his name during the McCarthy era to avoid the negative scrutiny and suspicion that a Slavic surname might bring, fearing it could damage his budding acting career during the strong anti-Communist sentiment in America. Under his new name, Bronson steals the film right out from under Ladd in the role of the rebellious Indian leader Captain Jack! This film should have catapulted Bronson into leading roles, but Hollywood didn’t really know what to do with him at this point.
Drum Beat (1954)
A couple of years later, Bronson would appear in a supporting role in the Glenn Ford western, JUBAL (1956). Also co-starring Ernest Borgnine and Rod Steiger, Bronson’s part is small but pivotal. I love the film and its Grand Tetons setting.
Jubal (1956)My family in 2023!
1958 would be a year where Charles Bronson would get his first leading film roles, as well as his own TV series. First up was the B-western SHOWDOWN AT BOOT HILL (1958), directed by Gene Fowler, Jr. I’m a big fan of this short, simple oater. I think Bronson gives an excellent performance as the gunslinger with a chip on his shoulder, who really just wants a girl he can settle down with and a place he can call home. I recommend it to any person who likes 1950’s westerns and Bronson.
Showdown at Boot Hill (1958)
Next, the legendary Roger Corman would direct Bronson in the biopic MACHINE GUN KELLY (1958). This is an important film in Bronson’s career. French star Alain Delon would request Bronson as his co-star in the 1968 film FAREWELL, FRIEND based on his performance in MACHINE GUN KELLY, and that film would help turn Bronson into one of the biggest male movie stars in the world. It’s another good film that draws another strong performance from Bronson as the infamous gangster who was tough as long as he had his machine gun. Quentin Tarantino is a big fan of the movie calling it the “best film Corman ever directed.” A poster for MACHINE GUN KELLY can be seen at Jack Rabbit Slims in Tarantino’s sensational PULP FICTION (1994).
Machine Gun Kelly (1958)
After appearing on countless TV shows during the 50’s, Bronson got his own beginning in 1958. The show, MAN WITH A CAMERA, would run for two seasons and produce a total of 29 episodes, with such excellent guest stars as Tom Laughlin, Angie Dickinson and Lawrence Tierney. A young Bronson is very good in the series, easily handling the action and the dialogue. He’s so good in fact, that it really is hard to believe that mainstream stardom would continue to elude him for another decade. In his characteristically sarcastic way, Bronson would joke that he played second fiddle to a light bulb, or something along those lines, but it’s a series I definitely recommend.
Man with a Camera (1958-1960)
I hope you’ve enjoyed a trip through the 50’s with the legendary Charles Bronson. There is so much more I could have covered, but I chose the appearances that have affected my life the most! The 1960’s would prove to be a successful, frustrating and ultimately rewarding decade for Charles Bronson. We’ll get to that next time on “Famous Actors Throughout the Decades: Charles Bronson!”
Robin Prince (Mark Harmon) is a laid-back former volleyball player who, at the age of 32, makes his living as a pool guy. It’s an easy life and he enjoys it. He sleeps with the wife (Deborah Harmon) of one of his clients and he hangs out with his richer friends. Robin enjoys being a bachelor but that all changes when he agrees to give a job to Justin (Patrick Labyorteaux), the son of Stanley Auerbach (Robert Vaughn) and meets Justin’s cousin, an artist named Jamie Harrison (Kirstie Alley). Justin goes from being bitter about having to work to idolizing Robin and his lifestyle. Robin, meanwhile, falls for Jamie.
This film came out before SummerSchool, another movie that featured Mark Harmon as a laid-back guy who falls for Kirstie Alley, but it has a similar vibe. Again, Mark Harmon is playing a likable guy who has never grown up and again, Kirstie Alley is playing a sophisticated woman who, at first, seems like she’s too serious for Harmon’s character. Robin’s mentorship of Justin feels a lot like Hamon’s mentorship of his SummerSchool students. (Dean Cameron even plays a supporting role in both Prince of Bel-Air and SummerSchool, though he’s far more memorable in Summer School.) Prince of Bel-Air is more dramatic than Summer School. In Prince of Bel-Air, Mark Harmon plays a character who secretly understands that there’s not much of a future in his lifestyle, even if he’s not initially willing to admit it.
Princeof Bel-Air is a likable movie. Mark Harmon gives an amiable and relatable performance as someone who is finally trying to grow up and, as always, Robert Vaughn is a perfectly smug villain. Kirstie Alley’s sultry performance is the highlight of the film. In the 1980s, Alley has a smoky-eyed beauty that, when combined with her ribald sense of humor, made her irresistible. It only takes a few minutes to understand why Robin would be willing to give up his previous life to be with her. There’s nothing particularly deep about PrinceofBel-Air but it’s still an entertaining 100 minutes.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites. Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.
This week, Lawrence ruins everything.
Episode 7.7 “The Wedding/Castaways”
(Dir by Bob Sweeney, originally aired on November 26th, 1983)
Ugh, this episode.
Nerdy Fred Connors (Richard Gilliland) wants to spend a weekend alone with a beautiful woman. His favorite supermodel, Christy Robbins (Phyllis Davis), has been pressured by her manager (Steve Perry) into agreeing to spend the weekend with Fred at Pelican Cove. Fred and Christy will have their picture taken before and after their weekend together to show just how much spending time alone with Christy Robbins will improve one’s outlook on life.
Let’s just stop here and state the obvious. This makes ZERO sense. Christy’s manager has no idea who Fred is. He doesn’t even meet Fred until it’s time to him and Christy to go to Pelican Cove. Christy is a world-famous model. In what world would a celebrity agree to be abandoned on an isolated island with a total stranger? The photographers aren’t staying on the island with them. Instead, Christy and Fred are dropped off on the island and then everyone else leaves. If I was Christy, I would get a new manager.
A rival model named Celina Morgan (Shannon Tweed) was also up for the “abandoned on an island with a possible sex maniac” gig and she’s upset that she lost out to Christy. So, she sneaks out to Pelican Bay herself and soon, she and Christy are fighting over the right to spend their time with Fred. It’s dumb and it makes no sense and, considering that the whole fantasy is basically two beautiful woman fighting over one dorky guy, it’s actually feels a bit demeaning and mean-spirited.
Of course, it’s nowhere near as mean-spirited as the other fantasy. Lucy Gorman (Jeannie Wilson) is unhappy in her marriage to Dr. Jack Gorman (Gordon Thomson). She tells Roarke that the only good thing that came out of her marriage was her daughter (Andrea Barber) but Lucy even feels jealous of her! Lucy wants to go back to her wedding day so she can see what would happen if she left her husband at the altar and pursued another doctor (Richard Pierson).
Well, the main that would happen is that Lucy’s daughter would never be born. But somehow, this doesn’t occur to Lucy until the fantasy has started. How would that not occur to a mother? This fantasy was …. I can’t even begin to describe how annoying it was. Lucy came across as being very self-centered and kind of dumb.
I swear, the seventh season has just been terrible so far and I blame one person.
And, no, it’s not Mr. Roarke.
Seriously, ever since Lawrence showed up, the Island just hasn’t been the same. Are we sure that Lawrence isn’t the Devil? I mean, I know the Devil was traditionally played by Roddy McDowall on this show but I’m sure he change his appearance. There’s something sinister about Lawrence and I don’t trust him. He doesn’t care about Roarke and he doesn’t care about the fantasies.
What a disappointing trip to the Island. Traditionally, the last season of any show is usually the worst but it’s still painful to watch Fantasy Island misfire like it did with this episode.
4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films is all about letting the visuals do the talking.
It’s always a good time to pay tribute to Ed Wood.
4 Shots From 4 Ed Wood Films
Bride of the Monster (1955, dir by Edward D. Wood, Jr.)
Plan 9 From Outer Space (1956, dir by Edward D. Wood, Jr)
Night of the Ghouls (1958, dir by Edward D. Wood, Jr)
The Sinister Urge (1960, dir by Edward D. Wood, Jr.)
Through the Shattered Lens 