Usually, I only share Rangers stuff but today, Albert Pujols played his final regular season home game and he hit his 702nd career home run and the 23rd of what he says is going to be his final season. Pujols is now fourth on the career home run list, behind Babe Ruth (714), Hank Aaron (755) and Barry Bonds (762).
Moments like these are a huge reason why I love baseball.
The year was 1967 and, in Collinsport, Maine, a petty criminal named Willie Loomis was about to make television history. Convinced that a fortune in jewelry was hidden in the Collins family’s mausoleum, Willie broke in and opened a coffin that, strangely, was covered in chains. Willie expected to find a fortune. Instead, he found Barnabas Collins, a 200 year-old vampire who transformed Willie into his servant and proceeded to spend the next five years masquerading as a cousin from Britain while searching for both a cure to his condition and for the reincarnation of the love of his life, Josette.
Played by stage actor Jonathan Frid, Barnabas Collins made his first appearance on the April 18th, 1967 episode of Dark Shadows. Though Barnabas was originally only meant to be a temporary addition to the show’s roster of characters, Frid proved to be popular with viewers, like my mother who not only watched the show when it first aired but also when reruns were broadcast in syndication many years later. The show soon came to center on the ruthless vampire.
In fact, Frid and Barnabas became some identified with the show that many are still shocked to learn that Dark Shadows had run for a full year before Barnabas was introduced as a character. When the show airs in syndication, it usually starts with Willie (played by John Karlen) opening Barnabas’s coffin and not with the earlier episodes in which the show’s nominal lead character, Victoria Winters, first arrived at Collinwood and met the members of the family.
Many future horror directors and writers have stated that their interest in the genre began with watching Jonathan Frid on Dark Shadows. And it all began with that one great moment when Willie Loomis opened the coffin and set Barnabas free.
Previous Moments In Television History:
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1971’s A Little Game. It can be viewed on YouTube!
Twelve year-old Robert Mueller (played by 13 year-old Mark Gruner, who would later go on to play one of Chief Brody’s kids in Jaws) just hasn’t been the same since his father died. Robert idolized his father, who was an architect who built bridges and reportedly pushed his workers to take a lot of dangerous risks to get the job done. Perhaps that explains why Robert is not getting along with his new stepfather, Paul Hamilton (Ed Nelson). Robert’s mother, Elaine (Diane Baker), is convinced that Robert will eventually come to accept Paul but Paul isn’t so sure.
Robert is a student at a private military academy. When he comes home for the holidays, he brings his “best friend” with him. Stu Parker (Christopher Shea) is friendly and polite but he’s also easily led and has a difficult time standing up for himself. Paul immediately sees that Robert is bullying Stu. Elaine, however, thinks that Paul is being too critical. That’s just the way boys are!
In his diary, Robert has written that he killed someone and that he’s sure that he got away with it. When Paul comes across the entry, he worries that Robert might be telling the truth. Paul goes as far as to hire a private detective (Howard Duff) to investigate whether there’s been any mysterious deaths at Robert’s school. Stu, meanwhile, explains that he and Robert sometimes play “a little game” where they imagine that best way to murder someone and get away with it. But Stu assures Paul that it’s just a game. They don’t actually kill anyone.
Is Stu telling the truth or is Robert just as dangerous as his deceased father, a man who Paul claims was a psychopath? Or is Paul himself the one who has become delusional with jealousy of his stepson?
The answer to those questions is pretty obvious from the minute that Robert and Stu show up at the house. In fact, it’s so obvious that it kind of leaves the viewer wondering how everyone else in the film could be so clueless. On the one hand, it’s understandable that Elaine would not want to admit that there is something seriously wrong with her son. On the other hand, how many times can anyone close their eyes to a very obvious truth? From the minute that Robert shows up, wearing his uniform and curtly ordering around the family’s maid (played by High Noon‘s Katy Jurado, who deserved a better role), he might as well have psychopath tattooed on his forehead.
That said, evil children movies are always somewhat effective, even the ones that are a bit too obvious in their approach. Psychologically, we’ve been conditioned to always associate children with innocence, optimism, and hope. Children are the future, so the saying goes. As such, it does carry some impact when they’re portrayed as being a force of danger. As I watched this film, I did find myself wondering if there was any hope for Robert. With all that he had done, could someone still reach him and turn him around? Or was he destined to go from being an evil child to an evil adult? It really does get to the question of whether evil is a real, almost supernatural force or if it’s something that’s created by a combination of environment and social taboos. Was Robert born evil or did he become evil? A Little Game doesn’t answer that question but I doubt that anyone could. Some questions are destined to be forever unanswered.
Not only did I spend this week preparing for Horrorthon, I also ended up watching quite a bit of television. Here’s some thoughts on what I watched.
Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)
This week, Janine tried to get Abbott a computer and Ava got to host a Shark Tank-style competition. Ava is such a great character. This episode may not have matched the premiere but it was still pretty funny and a good example of how Abbott Elementary is able to deal with the realities of public education without losing sight of the comedy.
The Amazing Race (Wednesday Night, CBS)
I wrote about the latest episode of The Amazing Race here!
Atlanta (Thursday Night, FX)
This week’s episode of Atlanta took a break from the surreal with a straight-forward but very funny episode about Earn and Al’s family. Earn’s mother “kidnapped” Grandpa while Earn’s father made the mistake of buying a hat and allowing himself to get delayed in the mall. While Aunt Jeanine called the police and demanded that her sister by criminally charged, Earn and Al looked for a way to escape the studio. It was funny and enjoyably cringey. Give Isiah Whitlock, Jr. an Emmy.
Bachelor in Paradise (Monday Night, ABC)
It’s a new season of Bachelor in Paradise! All of the people who couldn’t find love on the main show get to hang out on the beach. Bachelor in Paradise is actually more fun than The Bachelor because it’s honest about being a totally and completely shallow production. Nobody is there for the right reasons and it’s great.
Apparently, Jesse Palmer is going to be the host for the entire season so I guess last season’s rotating host gimmick has been retired. That’s probably for the best. I actually like Jesse as the overall franchise host. He doesn’t bring a lot of extra drama with him like Tayshia and Kaitlyn did and he seems to understand that his job isn’t exactly the same as being a brain surgeon.
That said …. where’s Meatball!?
Big Brother (Sunday Night, CBS)
Big Brother 24 finally came to a close on Sunday night. Taylor Hale not only won the game but she also won America’s Favorite Player. Considering the way that Taylor was bullied by the other houseguests at the start of the season, her victory was popular with the show’s fans. Personally, I think both Monte and Turner played a better game but knowing that Taylor’s victory upset some of the worst people to ever appear on the show was still a satisfying feeling. Knowing that Ameerah, Nicole, and Daniel were probably upset made the past few months worth it.
I wrote about this season over at the Big Brother Blog.
Bubblegum Crisis (NightFlight+)
80s cyberpunk! Man vs machine! The Sabre Knights vs a pack of robots known as the Boomers! The main character, Priss, is also a rock star! I had no idea what was going on when I watched this show early on Saturday morning but the animation was interesting to look at and Priss was undeniably cool.
CHiPs (Weekday Afternoons, Get TV)
I watched one episode of this old motorcycle cop show on Tuesday. The cops kept the peace at an anti-nuke rally and Erik Estrada provided counseling to a child who was being abused by his parents. I can’t say that I really paid that much attention. I did like the bass-heavy theme song however.
Concentration (Weekday Afternoons, BUZZR)
This was an old gameshow from the 70s and the 80s. I watched an episode on Friday while I was doing some work around the office. The most interesting thing about it was that it was hosted by Alex Trebyk, who came across as being far more relaxed and casual about things than when he hosted Jeopardy.
Full House (Sunday Evening, MeTV)
Uncle Joey (you know, the one with the mullet) tried to teach Michelle how to ride a bike but he wasn’t very good at it and Michelle was humiliated when she fell off her bike at the park. At first, Michelle blamed Joey but eventually she got over it. What a brat.
This was followed by an episode in which poor DJ (who, really, deserves to nominated for sainthood for putting up with her family) has to take her two obnoxious sisters with her on a date. Everyone learned an important lesson about sneaking into the movie and lying. Don’t do either of them but, if you do sneak into the movie, don’t get caught.
Ghosts (Thursday Night, CBS)
The second season premiere of Ghosts was as charming as ever, with the ghosts spying on the B&B’s first guests and Jay discovering that, despite his near death experience, he still cannot see the ghosts. I felt bad for Sam, as most of the stuff that the guests complained about when it came to her was the same stuff that people tend to complain about when it comes to me. I cheered a little when she stood up to them. The whole “Our yelp account was hacked!” ending was perfect.
Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, FOX)
Hell’s Kitchen is back! This season is going to be 40-something chefs vs 20-something chef. To be honest, the gimmick doesn’t matter. I’m just looking forward to Chef Ramsay yelling at people and losing his temper at the potentially lethal incompetence around him. Who will be the first to try to send out raw chicken? Sadly, the premiere episode did not feature a dinner service but, according to the previews, it’s coming up next week!
Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)
Last week’s Law & Order was pretty good. This week, sadly, was one of those middling, lefty political episodes that the franchise often does in an attempt to remain in the good graces of those who would otherwise dismiss the whole thing as being copaganda. It’s always funny to me how the Law & Order franchise is full of blue collar, Catholic cops who sound like they spend all of their time watching Joy Reid and Chris Hayes as soon as their shift is over.
On last night’s Law & Order, the victim was the daughter of the governor of Texas so, of course, we got this whole big thing about how the governor is always criticizing New York City as being crime-ridden. “Why does the governor of Texas care about New York?” one of the detectives demanded and that’s when I started to tune this episode out. One could just as legitimately ask why people in California and New York always feel the need to comment on what’s happening in Texas. Law & Order always errs on the side of going overboard when it attempts to deal with politics. This was especially true this week, as Law & Order waded into the abortion debate and came up with an ending that was both so heavy-handed and so predictable that I felt embarrassed for the show’s writers.
Law & Order: Organized Crime (Thursday Night, NBC)
With the start of a new season, Stabler got a new partner and a new crooked family to investigate. From what I’ve seen, Organized Crime is the least interesting of the Law & Order shows and often feels more like it should be a part of NCIS franchise than Law & Order. It was difficult for me to watch because Stabler really does seem like he’s going to give himself a heart attack if he doesn’t figure out a way to relax.
Law & Order: SVU (Thursday Night, NBC)
This week’s episode of SVU opened with an extremely disturbing scene in which a teenage girl was gang-raped on a subway while, just a few feet away, the rest of her family was hacked to death with machetes. This scene reminded me of why I don’t regularly watch this show. It’s undeniably well-acted and usually well-written, except for when it tries to be overly political. But Good Lord, are the cases ever disturbing!
Mike (Hulu)
I wrote about Hulu’s disappointing Mike Tyson miniseries here.
Mike Judge’s Beavis and Butt-Head (Paramount Plus)
Inspired by a holy nacho chip, Beavis went on a spiritual journey and learned nothing. This was a unique episode in that it told one story instead of the usual two. It’s become obvious that Beavis, with his odd moments of clarity and his desire to actually be something more than just a sidekick, is a far more compelling character than Butt-Head.
Monarch (Tuesday Night, FOX)
This show gets sillier and sillier with each episode but it’s kind of worth it for the scenes of Trace Adkins glowering in the shadows while holding a gun. I don’t really care much about which Roman daughter is crowned the next queen of country music but I definitely do what to know who Trace has been burying for the past three episodes.
Night Flight (NightFlight+)
From the 80s, it was a look at women in rock, from Janis Joplin and Grace Slick to Stevie Nicks. I watched on Friday night. The music was good.
Password (Weekday Afternoons, BUZZR)
I watched two episodes of this old game show on Tuesday. Apparently, the aim was to try to guess a word and win money. The episodes I saw were from the mid-70s and the most interesting thing about them was how cheap and run-down the show’s set looked. One got the feeling that the whole studio probably reeked of cigarettes and spilled beer.
Saving Grace (Weekday Nights, Start TV)
On this show, which apparently ran for three seasons, Holly Hunter played an Oklahoma detective who, after she accidentally ran over a pedestrian after a night of drinking, was told by a fallen angel named Earl that she was going to go to Hell unless she changed her ways. So, apparently, the rest of the show was about Grace solving crimes and talking to Earl. How have I never heard of this show before? It aired from 2007 to 2010 and Hunter was even nominated for two Emmy awards for playing Grace.
Anyway, the episode that I watched on Wednesday night featured Grace trying to solve a murder while another angel (F. Murray Abraham) tried to convince her to abandon Earl and work with him. It was odd but Holly Hunter is always good and the show took place in Oklahoma so, as someone who spent some time in Oklahoma while she was growing up, I felt like I could relate to most of the characters.
Super Password (Weekday Afternoons, BUZZR)
I watched two episodes of this show on Tuesday. It was just like Password, except the set looked cleaner.
Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)
I wrote about the latest episode of Survivor here!
During the month of October, we like to share classic episodes of horror-themed television. That was easier to do when we first started doing our annual October horrorthon here at the Shattered Lens because every single episode of the original, black-and-white Twilight Zone was available on YouTube. Sadly, that’s no longer the case.
However, there is some good news! Twilight Zone may be gone but there are other horror shows on YouTube! For instance, I’ve discovered that, in 1972, there was a horror anthology series that was originally called Ghost Story. It was produced by William Castle and each episode featured a different guest star having to deal with the supernatural.
The show made its debut on September 15th, 1972. In this episode, Sebastian Cabot (playing the role of the mysterious Winston Essex) introduces a story about the mortality and technology. Jason Robards and Stella Stevens are a married couple who discover that their television cannot only predict the future but that also one of them is going to die!
Enjoy the first episode of Ghost Story!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing California Dreams, which ran on NBC from 1992 to 1996. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!
Last week, California Dreams dealt with both racism and misogyny. It was two heavy episodes, featuring important lessons about the problems of the world. Would the trend continue? Let us find out!
Surf dudes with attitude, feeling mellow, let’s get on with it….
Episode 1.9 “Mother and Child Reunion”
(Directed by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 7th, 1992)
It’s been over a month since the Dreams last had a gig. Maybe they should break up! Matt thinks that they just need to practice more. (Of course, being a music camp kid, he would say that, wouldn’t he?) Sly thinks that the band need to change its image and be less beach-y. Considering what was going on in music in the early to mid-90s, Sly probably has a point. Anyway, Sly goes out and buys a smoke machine so that the Dreams can use it to change their middlebrow image. Maybe they just need a new lead singer. WHERE’S JAKE!?
Now, the smoke machine and the edgy image stuff is actually kind of cute but the majority of the show revolves around Tiffani and her mom. It turns out that Tiffani’s mom essentially abandoned her when Tiffani was only six. For ten years, Tiffani’s mom worked as a dancer in New York. Now, she’s back in California. At first, everyone is shocked by the fact that Tiffani doesn’t seem to be angry at her mom but it turns out that Tiffani is angry and that anger finally comes out at Tiffani’s 16th birthday party when her mom suggests that Tiffany come live with her for a year.
By the standards of California Dreams’s first season, this wasn’t a bad episode. Kelly Packard did a good job of portraying Tiffani’s anger. Plus, this episode did have one good joke, in which Sly tried to rename the band The California Nightmares in an attempt to change their image. They should have stuck with the new name.
Episode 1.10 “Romancing The Tube”
(Directed by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 14th, 1992)
This was a weird episode. I’ve seen plenty of episodes of California Dreams but somehow, I never knew that Sly and Tiffani were a couple for an episode. Apparently, Tiffany and Sly fell for each other while Tiffany was teaching Sly how to surf. It all led to a “Surf Soul Swapping” ceremony, which was overseen by Peter Tork of the Monkees. However, at the last minute, Tiffani realized that she was just using Sly as a rebound to help her get over her ex. And Sly never really wanted to be in a committed relationship to begin with. So, they broke up and I guess it all worked out in the end.
Meanwhile, Matt, Jenny, and Tony were supposed to paint a room in the Garrison House in return for Mrs. Garrison paying them $300 so they could get a new lighting system. But then they got bored and abandoned the job. Fortunately, the new lighting system turned out to be a bust so they tricked Mrs. Garrison into taking it off their hands. No one learned a thing, which was probably about as realistic as California Dreams ever got.
Weird episode.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing One World, which ran on NBC from 1998 to 2001. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
The Cast of One World
This week, Ben discovers he has a brother and Sui and Jane discover that they have no choice but to live together, regardless of how little they have in common. It’s all a part of living in …. one world!
Episode 1.9 “Two Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest”
(Directed by Chuck Vinson, originally aired on November 14th, 1998)
“You’re not a better parent than our Dad,” Neal says at one point in this episode, “When we kids aren’t in jail, we’re pretty great.”
And he’s got a point. The Blake children are a good group of people but they certainly do seem to spend a lot of time in jail.
When they’re not in jail, they’re getting visited by social workers who are trying to figure out why they’re still free. In this episode, a social worker suggests that Jane and Sui see a therapist to determine why they’re incapable of getting along. Jane thinks that Sui is spoiled. Sui thinks that Jane is unstable and destructive. It turns out that they’re both right! But it also turns out that, underneath their hostility, they secretly care about each other and neither wants to see the other kicked out of the house.
Meanwhile, Mr. Blake is challenged to a bowling game by another coach and Ben tries to convince Marci to include him in a calendar of sexy Miamians. It’s all a bit disjointed, to be honest. This is another one of those episodes that seems to have been randomly pieced together with footage that was found on the editing room floor. Still, I’ll give the episode some credit for its title.
Episode 1.10 “Ben’s Brother”
(Directed by Chuck Vinson, originally aired on November 21st, 1998)
“I just can’t believe I’ve got an identical twin brother!” Ben declares, shortly after meeting Bryan (Denny Kirkwood).
It’s true. Even though Ben didn’t know it, he had a twin brother who was adopted by another family. When Bryan learned of Ben’s existence, he came out to Miami to find him. When they happen to run into each at The Warehouse (a.k.a., Miami’s Hottest Under-21 Club), they’re both overjoyed. Bryan is even happier when he meets Jane. It turns out that Bryan likes bad girls and, as was casually mentioned a few episodes ago, Jane is kind of in love with Ben. Since Ben is dating Alex, why not just go out with someone who shares his face and his DNA? Besides, the audience keeps going, “Woooo!” whenever Bryan and Jane talk to each other.
Unfortunately, it turns out that Bryan has a gambling addiction. Bizarrely enough, City Guys also did a show about being addicted to gambling and I’m pretty sure that Hang Time eventually did an episode about gambling as well. Was teenage gambling a huge problem in the 90s? Because of the fact that they both look exactly alike, Ben discovers that Bryan is in trouble with some dangerous people but Jane refuses to break up with him because she’s a rebel. Go, Jane, go!
In the show’s B-plot, Neal and Sui went on a game show. Sui got mad at Neal for insisting on answering all of the questions himself. Unfortunately, for the final question, Neal gets asked the name of the “pop singer who wore a cone bra on her Blonde Ambition tour.” Somehow, Neal doesn’t know that it was Madonna. Sui tries to answer the question but spends too much time talking and doesn’t beat the buzzer. Oh well. At least Sui gets to wear a really cute pair of boots on the game show.
So, in short, Jane is now dating a gambling addict, Ben is dating an alcoholic, and Marci and Sui are the best characters on the show. What will happen next week?
I don’t even smoke and I still think anti-smoking commercials are annoying.
Take this one from 1999, in which some weirdo harasses students as they try to leave their high school. He gets an interview from one student, who seems to be annoyed with the whole thing and …. OH MY GOD, THAT’S ROB MCELHENNEY FROM IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA!
We finished?
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
Believe it or not, there’s a “lost” episode of City Guys.
According to Wikipedia, an episode called “The Movie” aired on November 1st, 1997. Here’s the plot description: Jamal and Chris decide to make a film using the school’s video camera. Things gets hairy when Ms. Noble wants to see their progress on the yearbook video.
Sound like fun, right? Unfortunately, it appears that “The Movie” was not included in City Guys‘s syndication package and, as a result, it’s also not available to stream on Tubi or anywhere else online. So, we’ll just have to accept that “The Movie” is lost to us. That said, it is nice to see that the show apparently attempted to return to the video yearbook storyline. For something that was supposed to be a big, year-long project, it certainly doesn’t appear that Chris and Jamal spent much time working on it.
For instance, in the two episodes that are reviewed below, they both manage to develop a gambling addiction and Jamal faces his own mortality. But no one says a damn thing about the video yearbook.
Anyway, roll with the city guys!
City Guys 1.9 “Future Shock”
(Directed by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 8th, 1997)
“Meet Charlie Gresham,” Ms. Noble tells Jamal after he runs into Charlie (Corey Parker) in Noble’s office, “your class president.”
But wait a minute? Didn’t they elect a new class president in the previous episode? As you may remember, Cassidy, Dawn, and El-Train were all running for the office. Who the Hell is this Charlie Gresham guy? I’ve already pointed out that, even in its first season, City Guys struggled with continuity but this has got to be one of the show’s most glaring examples of just not keeping track of stuff. Did no one involved in the production care? I mean, even Saved By The Bell managed to remember that Jessie was class president.
Charlie is a lovable and charismatic class clown who is also a straight A student. He’s even got a scholarship to Harvard! He and Jamal meet and become best friends the same day! But then, the next morning, Ms. Noble announces that Charlie has been killed by a drunk driver. Bye, Charlie!
Jamal is so upset over the death of someone who he’s known for less than 24 hours that he decides that there’s no point of studying to do well on his PSATs. Character actor Clyde Kusatsu shows up as the therapist who is brought in to help everyone come to the terms with the death of a universally loved classmate whom none of them had ever mentioned before. Kusatsu is always good.
Actually, the entire cast does a good job in this one. It perhaps would have been more powerful if Charlie had actually been seen (or even referred to) prior to this episode but, given the show’s lack of concern with continuity, I wouldn’t be surprised if Charlie turns up alive in a future episode. That said, Ms. Noble asking Jamal to deliver the eulogy at Charlie’s memorial service felt a bit weird. They’d know each other for about 8 hours before Charlie died. “I don’t know what to say!” Jamal says. Yeah, I wouldn’t know what to say at a complete stranger’s funeral either.
Anyway, Charlie’s ghost comes back and encourages Jamal to keep on studying. That was nice of him. This episode ends with a totally unironic performance of Kumbaya. That takes guts.
City Guys 1.10 “Easy Money”
(Directed by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 15th, 1997)
Chris and Jamal start making bets on football games! They make a ton of money and they’re even able to go out and buy totally happening portable televisions!
Unfortunately, when they try to become bookies themselves (don’t ask), they end up owing $400 to El-Train and his cousin. Yes, El-Train returns in the episode. When we last saw him, he was running for class president and determined to turn his life around. In this episode, he’s back to being the much feared school bully. He’s so intimidating that Chris and Jamal steal $400 from the school raffle. These city guys may be smart and streetwise but are they really the neat guys? I’m having my doubts.
Anyway, everyone confesses in the end and Ms. Noble punishes them by forcing them to clean the school furnace for free. Unfortunately, Chris and Jamal also had to give back their portable televisions. What a shame.
The message is don’t gamble but the subtext is that Jamal didn’t learn a damn thing from Charlie Gresham’s death. Hopefully, next week’s episodes will find him behaving in a way that would have made Charlie proud.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!
Welcome aboard, it’s love!
Episode 1.4 “Message for Maureen / Gotcha / Acapulco Connection”
(Directed by Stuart Margolin, Richard Kinon, and Peter Baldwin, originally aired on October 15th, 1977)
Oh no! It’s a stowaway! I guess any television show that took place on a cruise ship would have to feature at least one storyline featuring a stowaway. It’s a bit disconcerting that The Love Boat couldn’t make it for more than four episodes before using the most obvious plotline but then again, the show ended up running for 9 seasons and a movie. So, apparently, audiences didn’t mind and I have a feeling that there will probably be many more stowaway stories to come.
The stowaway in this episode is April Lopez (played by Charo). Apparently, April became a recurring character, one who appeared in almost every season. In this, her first appearance, she sneaks onto the boat in Acapulco. The captain is not happy when she’s discovered hiding in a laundry hamper but everyone else is charmed by just how loud and talkative she is. Because there’s no available rooms, April is housed with Doc Bricker until she can be dropped off at the next port. Of course, Doc falls in love because Doc fell in love with everyone who came into his exam room. Seriously, Doc was an HR nightmare waiting to happen.
Of course, April is not the only exhausting person to be on the ship. There’s also Cyril Wolfe (Milton Berle), a nonstop practical joker whose wife (Audra Lindley) is getting sick of dealing with him and really, who can blame her? Cyril greets a total stranger with a joy buzzer. He carries around a fake, detachable hand so that he can freak people out. Cyril can’t even give it a rest during their vacation! Pretty soon, not only his wife but the crew are pretty sick of him. (Most of the people watching the show will be sick of him, too.) Do they conspire to toss Cyril overboard? They could probably get away with it, seeing as how all of the ship’s nominal authority figures are busy dealing with a stowaway who loves to sing. Somehow, Cyril survives his trip and he and his wife end up more in love than ever.
Finally, Maureen Mitchell (Brenda Benet) is a former tennis player who is now in a wheelchair. All she wants is a few days of vacation before she meets with a surgeon who might be able to help her walk again. Unfortunately, she discovers that an arrogant sportswriter named John (Bill Bixby) is also on the cruise! At first, she wants nothing to do with him but when John injures his knee and has to use a wheelchair for the rest of the cruise, the two of them fall in love….
Hold on. You know what just occurred to me? Last week’s episode featured Robert Reed and Loretta Swit as two people who don’t like each other but just happen to end up on the same cruise. This episode featured Brenda Benet and Bill Bixby as two people who don’t like each other but just happen to end up on the same cruise …. how long did The Love Boat writers last before they said, “Okay, we’re out of stories. Let’s start repeating ourselves?”
Anyway, this episode was a mixed bag. Charo and Milton Berle were not particularly subtle performers and their storylines felt as if they were designed to invite them to indulge in their worst impulses as performers. But Bill Bixby and Brenda Benet had a lot of chemistry as John and Maureen and their story actually worked as a result. (Bixby and Benet were married at the time they appeared in this episode.) Plus, the ship looked lovely. So did the ocean. That’s what really matters.
Through the Shattered Lens