First Time Out”

Posted on October 12, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Come aboard, we’re expecting you….

The Love Boat 1.5 “The Joker Is Mild / Take My Granddaughter, Please / First Time Out”

(Dir by Richard Kinon and Alan Rafkin, originally aired on October 29th, 1977)

This week’s cruise is all about remaining true to yourself!

For instance, Julie makes what appears to be a big mistake when she agrees to let a washed-up comic named Barry Keys (Phil Foster) do a show in the ship’s lounge. Throughout the cruise, Barry gets on everyone’s nerves with his old-fashioned jokes and his vaudeville stylings. Captain Stubing gives Julie an annoyed look whenever Barry starts to speak. Julie knows that her career is on the line but she made a promise. And Barry, it turns out, know what he’s doing. When it comes time for his performance, he asks for a stool so that he can sit in the middle of the stage and talk about the generation gap. (“Let’s rap, as the kids say,” Barry says.) Hooray! Barry has revived his career and Julie still has a job.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Warner (Ruth Gordon) is determined to find a husband for her granddaughter, Shirley (Patty Duke, who spends the entire episode looking as if she’s wondering how she could go from winning an Oscar to this). Shirley would like to hook up with the pleasantly bland Dave King (played by Tab Hunter). Mrs. Warner wants her to go out with Dr. Bricker! In the end, Shirley stands up for herself, as any single 30 year-old should. (To be honest, I thought Patty Duke’s character was closer to 40 but that’s mostly the fault of whoever in the costume department decided to make her wear some of the least flattering outfits available.) It’s all for the best. Dave is a nice guy and Doc has an exam room full of pornographic magazines to take care of.

Finally, a group of college students board the ship with one mission in mind. They want their friend Dan (Robert Hegyes, who has a truly impressive head of hair) to lose his virginity. Dan, it turns out, is not only shy but he also has no idea how to talk to women. Fortunately, her runs into Marcia Brady (Maureen McCormick) and it turns out that Marica likes shy, socially awkward guys with a lot of hair. Okay, technically Maureen is playing Barbara Holmes but seriously, we all know that Barbara was actually Marcia.

This was a majorly uneven episode. Barry’s revised act didn’t seem any funnier than his old stuff and it was kind of hard to sympathize with Shirley and her inability to make her own decisions. That said, Maureen McCormick and Robert Hegyes made for a cute couple and their storyline was the most satisfying of the episode. Personally, I think this episode would have worked better if Ruth Gordon had played Maureen McCormick’s grandmother as opposed to Patty Duke’s. McCormick was young enough that it would have been a bit less pathetic for her to be bossed around by her grandmother and one can imagine how Ruth Gordon would have reacted to McCormick picking hairy Dan over a doctor.

Oh well! The important thing is that everything worked out in the end and love won’t hurt anymore.

The Divisional Playoffs: Game 1

Posted on October 11, 2022 by Dazzling Erin

The Divisional playoff started today.

In Game One, the Yankees beat the Guardians, 4-1.

The Phillies beat the Braves by one run, 7-6.

And the Astros came from behind to beat the Mariners, 8-7.

I should be happy because I’m from Texas and the Astros are the Texas teams in the playoffs but I actually feel bad for Mariners, who really impressed me in the Wild Card and who were leading for most of today’s game. I was glad that the Astros pulled off a win but I was sad that it came at the expense of the Mariners.

I’m also happy for the Phillies and their fans. I know a lot of them were anxious waiting for the Phillies to finally put away today’s game. A Phillies/Astros World Series sounds good right about now. I’d even be happy with a Phillies/Mariners World Series.

Right now, in the last of today’s game, it is the top of the 4th and the Dodgers leads the Padres, 5-0. Usually, I’d say that Dodgers are going to win but, as the Astros proved today, anything can happen before the final out. That’s one of the many reasons why I love baseball.

Horror On TV: Ghost Story 1.11 “Touch of Madness” (dir by Robert Day)

Posted on October 11, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

On tonight’s episode of Ghost Story, Lynn Loring plays Janet. Janet has inherited her mother’s house. (Her mother died in a mental hospital.) Janet is determined to fix up the house and her cousins (Rip Torn and Geraldine Page) are more than happy to help! Or are they?

This is a pretty good episode, largely due to the fact that Rip Torn and Geraldine Page play the cousins. Torn and Page were married at the time and they both appear to be having a blast playing their odd roles. This episode reminds me a bit of Jess Franco’s A Virgin Among The Living Dead. It originally aired on December 8th, 1972.

Enjoy!

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 1.5 “Lady of the Evening/The Racer”

Posted on October 11, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1996. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Smiles, everyone, smiles! It’s time for another trip to Fantasy Island, the most dramatic mystical island this side of Lost! This week, we have three fantasies and Tattoo tries to grow mustache.

Episode 1.5 “Lady of the Evening/The Racer”

(Directed by Don Weis, originally aired on February 25th, 1978)

This episode begins with the bell ringing and Tattoo yelling that the plane is arriving. Before Mr. Roarke and Tattoo drive off to greet the plane, Mr. Roarke tells Tattoo to wash his face because he has what appears to be a smudge on his upper lip. Tattoo explains that he’s growing a mustache because all of the world’s great lovers (including, Tattoo says, Burt Reynolds) have mustaches. Tattoo’s effort to grow a mustache is a running joke through this episode of Fantasy Island. Needless to say, it doesn’t go well for him. Eventually, he resorts to using shoe polish. By the end of the episode, Tattoo finally washes his face and presumably returns to doing whatever it is that he actually does on the island.

As for the fantasies….

Renee Lansing (Carol Lynley) is a high-priced New York “call girl” who just wants to take a vacation some place where no one knows what she does for a living. At first, the fantasy seems to be going well. She even meets a nice guy named Bill (Paul Burke). But then, on the tennis court — OH MY GOD, IT’S ONE OF HER CUSTOMERS! Renee runs off to Mr. Roarke’s office and demands her money back. Mr. Roarke tells her that she’s not being honest with herself about what her fantasy actually is. At this point, I was really wondering what one goes through when one signs up to Fantasy Island. I assume some sort of agreement has to be signed. Does the agreement actually state that Mr. Roarke gets to decide what your fantasy actually is? Renee’s fantasy was to not be recognized. She’s been recognized. GIVE HER BACK HER MONEY, ROARKE!

Anyway, it all turns out for the best. Bill reveals that he also knows who Renee is (GIVE HER BACK HER MONEY!) but he doesn’t care because he’s secretly been in love with her for years and apparently, it was his fantasy to be reunited with her. Good for Bill but Renee still didn’t get her fantasy. Someone needs to introduce her to a good lawyer.

Meanwhile, Jack Kincaid (played by the master of overacting, Christopher George) is a race car driver who has never mentally recovered from a serious crash. His fantasy is to reexperience the crash so that he can get back his confidence. Mr. Roarke goes through a lot of trouble to build an exact replica of the race track on which Jack crashed. He even brings Jack’s mechanic, Corky (Alan Hale, Jr.), to the island. Fortunately, Jack’s wife (Carol Lawrence) convinces Jack that he has nothing to prove. So, Jack doesn’t get his fantasy but he does become a better person.

Did anyone get their fantasy this week!? Actually, Mr. Brennan (Jerry Van Dyke) did. Mr. Brennan shows up in one scene and tells Roarke that he loved his fantasy, which was apparently to play tennis without having to deal with his wife nagging him …. wait, what? That’s the fantasy that Roarke actually honors?

I’m starting to think Fantasy Island might be a scam! We’ll find out more next week, I guess.

Horror On TV: Ghost Story 1.10 “Elegy For A Vampire” (dir by Don McDougall)

Posted on October 10, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

On tonight’s episode of Ghost Story, college co-eds are being drained of their blood! Who could the culprit be? Oddly, some say that they saw a recently deceased college professor near the scene of the crime. What was that professor studying when he died? Vampirism!

This one is kind of silly but I always enjoy a vampire story. This episode aired on December 1st, 1972.

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 1.11 “The Bachelor Pad” and 1.12 “Poetic Justice”

Posted on October 10, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

We are reaching the conclusion of the first season of Hang Time and it’s time for us to ask where we’re all going with this show. What will be the ultimate conclusion of Deering’s season? Let’s get in the mood to find out with the Hang Time theme song!

Get out on that court and put it in the basket!

Episode 1.11 “The Bachelor Pad”

(Directed by Howard Murray, originally aired on November 18th, 1995)

“Great game, everyone!” Coach Fuller announces at the start of this episode, letting us know that Deering is finally having a good season. I wonder if they’ll make it to the state championship? (Of course, they will! A show would never be made about a merely adequate team. That seems a bit unfair, though. Most high school teams are merely adequate and surely, they deserve some representation as well!)

There’s trouble in paradise! Danny’s parents are out of town and, for some reason, this leads to Danny staying at Coach Fuller’s penthouse for three days. A student staying with his teacher and coach for the weekend? I remember when this happened on Degrassi. The end result was the coach getting fired and the student being traumatized for life. Seriously, Danny staying with Fuller seems massively inappropriate but I guess the 90s were a different time. Meanwhile, Sam is worried that no one takes her seriously because she’s just the equipment manager.

Anyway, you can guess what happens, can’t you? Coach Fuller goes out for the evening. Danny does the Risky Business dance in Fuller’s penthouse and then everyone from school shows up. The wild party leads to Fuller’s $3,000 chair getting damaged. The next day, during the game, Fuller learns about the party and the damage to his chair and he chases Danny out onto the court. Fuller is kicked out of the game and Sam has to take over. Sam coaches the team to victory and the team apologizes to the coach. Yay!

Oh — and due to winning that game, the team is going to the league championship! Take that, merely adequate teams!

As for the episode itself, this is another one of those episodes that drives me crazy because every problem that the characters run into is due to their own stupidity. Still, it was nice that Hillary Tuck finally got a chance to shine. The team owes their victory to a redhead. Yay, Sam!

Episode 1.12 “Poetic Justice”

(Directed by Howard Murray, originally aired on November 25th, 1995)

“Chris and I are a couple!” Julie announces at the end of this episode.

“A couple of what?” Mary Beth responds and I’ll admit right now that I laughed. Megan Parlen’s delivery was perfect on that line.

Mary Beth has reason to be upset because, just before Julie made her announcement, she was telling Chris that she wanted to get back together with him. Mary Beth may have thought that she was over Chris but Earl encouraged her to write a poem about her feelings and that led to Mary Beth realizing that she was still in love with her ex.

Earl’s a poet now? Yep.

Julie is finally ready to public with her relationship with Chris? Yep.

The championship is coming up with all of this drama going on? Yep.

Yes, it’s all kind of silly but it was worth it for that one line. “A couple of what?” It made me laugh and that really is kind of the point of the show.

Next week, it’s championship time!

Horror On TV: Ghost Story 1.9 “Cry of the Cat” (dir by Arnold Laven)

Posted on October 9, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

On tonight’s episode of Ghost Story, a rodeo is terrorized by a series of cougar attacks. Could it have anything to do with the cat-like wife of rodeo star Doug McClure?

This episode originally aired on November 24th, 1972 and it is kind of silly but …. hey, it’s Doug McClure. It doesn’t get more early 70s than Doug McClure.

Enjoy!

As the Wild Card ends, the Padres Advance

Posted on October 9, 2022 by Dazzling Erin

Congratulations to the San Diego Padres who, today, won the final game of MLB Wild Card playoffs when they defeated the Mets, 6-0! With the Mets now eliminated from the post-season (which means that we won’t be getting a second Yankees/Mets World Series), the Padres are moving on to play the Dodgers in the Divisional Playoffs.

For the record, even though they didn’t advance today, the Mets still have my favorite mascot of all the teams that did make the postseason:

Congratulations to all the advancing teams!

Great Moments In Television History #24: Siskel and Ebert Recommend Horror Films

Posted on October 9, 2022 by Jedadiah Leland

Film critics Roger Ebert and Gene Siskel were not usually thought of as being fans of the horror genre, with Gene going so far as to tell his viewers to write to Betsy Palmer to tell her how upset they were over her appearing in Friday the 13th.

Despite this, in 1988, Siskel and Ebert devoted an entire episode of their show to recommending horror films that they felt were overlooked when first released. And I have to say, they actually mentioned some good ones.

From 1988, Siskel and Ebert discuss “hidden horrors:”

Previous Moments In Television History:

Retro Television Review: Scream of the Wolf (dir by Dan Curtis)

Posted on October 9, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1974’s Scream of the Wolf. It can be viewed on YouTube!

A small town in California is shocked when a series of brutal murders occur within the city limits. Someone or something is killing people whenever the moon is full. The only clue are the footprints that the killer leaves behind at every scene. Strangely, there are time when the kill seems to walking on all fours, suggesting that it’s a wild animal. But then, suddenly, there are only two footprints, indicating that the killer is a man. Is the killer a beast or a human?

Maybe it’s both.

That’s the question that John Weatherby (Peter Graves) attempts to answer in Scream of the Wolf. John is a former hunter who is now working on a book about his life. He looks at the footprints and the savagery of the attacks and he says that the killer is obviously a wolf because no human could be capable of doing such a thing. However, many people in town are convinced that the killer is a werewolf. That includes John’s girlfriend, Sandy (Jo Ann Pflug).

In fact, Sandy thinks that she knows exactly who the werewolf is. She thinks that Bryon Douglas (Clint Walker) is responsible for the murders. Byron is an old friend of John’s. They used to hunt together. John eventually turned his back on hunting but Byron continues to insist that people are never more alive than when they are hunting another creature. In fact, Byron claims that the murders are actually a good thing. According to Byron, the murders have woken up the survival instinct in the spoiled inhabitants of the town. And indeed, the citizens of the town do appear to be getting progressively more and more paranoid.

Okay, so Byron obviously has some issues. But does that make him a werewolf? John insists that there are no werewolves and that Byron is just a somewhat eccentric blowhard. John better hope that he’s right because Byron has announced that he’s going to hunt down the werewolf and he’s invited John to join him on the hunt.

Running a brisk 78 minutes and not wasting a single one of them, Scream of the Wolf is an enjoyable and atmospheric werewolf film. I don’t think I actually heard a wolf scream over the course of the film but I did hear plenty of people scream. For a made for TV movie, Scream of the Wolf doesn’t shy away from showing the horror of being stalked by an unseen creature in the middle of the night. Needless to say, any film featuring Peter Graves as a former big game hunter is going to have a bit of camp appeal but, in the end, Graves’s somewhat stolid acting style works well for the character that he is playing. Clint Walker, who towers over everyone else in the film, gives an intimidating and creepy performance as Byron. The film’s central mystery isn’t particularly complex but the story is told well. Scream of the Wolf is a simple but entertaining film, one that’s ideal for October viewing.