Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.16 “Mrs. Murray”

Posted on October 31, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Murray gets married!

Episode 1.16 “Mrs. Murray”

(DIr by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on February 7th, 1999)

It may seem strange to review an episode of Malibu, CA on Halloween but this episode does feature Murray dressed up as Elvis so I guess that’s kind of Halloween-y.

Why is Murray dressed as Elvis? That’s what he decides to wear to his wedding, which is being held in the restaurant for some reason. Murray is marrying Amber (Anastasia Horne), who is only interested in Murray because of his money. (At one point, Amber’s friend refers to Murray as being the “mayor of Freak City.” No, Murray was mayor of Malibu …. remember?) Murray will receive a billion-dollar trust fund as soon as he gets married. Jason and Scott try to warn Murray about Amber so, at his wedding, Murray announces that he will not accept a dime of money from his trust fund. Amber quickly leaves the restaurant and Murray starts to sing “I feel so lonely I could die.”

Poor Murray!

While it’s tempting to praise Scott and Jason for looking out for Murray, I’ve seen enough episodes to know that Scott and Jason were probably just concerned that Amber would take all of Murray’s money before they could get a chance to cheat him out of it. Scott and Jason have certainly never had any problem with the idea of taking Murray’s money before. I’d probably be trusting of their motives if not for the fact that they embezzled money from Murray’s campaign just a few episodes ago.

Meanwhile, Tracy tries her hand at becoming a hairstylist, which leads to Sam and Stads looking like this:

Hey, just in time for Halloween! Are we sure this isn’t a holiday episode? It originally aired on February 7th, 1999 so …. nope. It’s just a coincidence that the episode I’m reviewing on Halloween happened to feature a lot of costumes.

This episode was essentially just a re-do of the Saved by The Bell episode with Screech’s Spaghetti Sauce, with the main difference being that Brandon Brooks is a bit more likable as Murray than Dustin Diamond was as Screech. On a personal note, I have to say that, as someone who has big boobs and is proud of it, I kind of resent that that every similarly endowed woman on Malibu, CA is portrayed as being either an airhead (Tracy) or a golddigger (Amber). For a show set on the beach, this show certainly does seem to take issue with those of us who actually look good in a bikini.

(Personally, I think Tracy should marry Murray and start digging into the trust fund….)

Oh well. I could complain more but it’s time for me to get ready to hand out candy. Happy Halloween!

Here Is Boris Karloff For Butternut Coffee

Posted on October 31, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Happy Halloween!

The afternoon hours are approaching and soon, the sun will go down and the trick or treaters will be demanding candy. If you’re still having a hard time reaching the status of being fully alert on this all-important day, why not have some coffee with Boris Karloff? From 1966, here is Boris Karloff for Butternut coffee:

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 2.20 “Micro Minds”

Posted on October 30, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

In this episode, a new lifeform is discovered.

Episode 2.20 “Micro Minds”

(Dir by Anthony Santa Croce, originally aired on March 4, 1990)

In a college science lab, astronomy student Paula (Belle Avery) is convinced that her personal computer is picking up communications being sent to her from an extra-terrestrial civilization. When Dr. Thomas Becker (Troy Donahue) comes by the lab to find out why Paula hasn’t been coming to class, he is at first dismissive of her theory. But then he hears the voice of Grok (David Parmenter) coming through the computer and he realizes the truth of what has happened.

Paula has made contact with another lifeform.

But it’s not an lifeform from another planet. Instead, it’s a microscopic protozoa that has evolved in the laboratory’s cooling tank. Grok can speak but it doesn’t know much about the world outside of the tank. When Becker shines a light over the tank, Grok thinks that Becker is God. Becker, to Paula’s alarm, rather likes the idea of being God.

Soon, Becker is pouring salt and sugar into the cooling tank, all in an attempt to speed up Grok’s evolution. Paula thinks that Becker is moving too quickly. Eventually, a giant version of Grok (imagine a slimy version of the killer carpet from The Creeping Terror) materializes in the lab and attacks Paula. Paula destroys it and Becker, realizing the Paula also means to destroy the rest of Grok, responds by killing her. Becker, thinking that he has saved Grok, does not realize that Grok is planning on using him to destroy the human race.

I had a bit of a hard time following the plot of this episode, as you may have guessed from the somewhat jumbled synopsis above. This episode of Monsters is an homage to the B-science fiction films of the 50s and 60s and, as such, there’s a lot of technobabble which doesn’t make much sense but which is there so the viewer can at least pretend like the story is rooted in some sort of reality. In this case, the incoherence is the point.

The casting of former teen idol Troy Donahue as the professor is another call back to the 50s. After Donahue’s star faded, he appeared in his share of low-budget horror and sci-fi films. Donahue gives a good performance here, doing a nice job of portraying Dr. Becker’s growing megalomania. (That said, whenever anyone referred to him as “Becker,” I was reminded of that terrible Ted Danson show where he played the doctor who was always pissed off whenever he got off the subway.)

As for the episode’s monster, it looked awful and fake but again, one gets the feeling that was deliberate. To be honest, it didn’t look any worse than some of the monsters that showed up in Roger Corman’s alien invasion films.

This was an okay episode. Even if I couldn’t always follow the plot, the story held my attention. It was a well-done homage to cheap sci-fi, even if it never was quite as much fun as Plan 9 From Outer Space.

The Dodgers Have Won The World Series

Posted on October 30, 2024 by Dazzling Erin

And just like that, the 2024 MLB post-season came to an end.

Congratulations to the Los Angeles Dodgers, the 2024 World Series champions. For five innings, it looked like the Yankees were going to pull off a miracle and keep the Series going to at least a Game 6. But, during the fifth inning, the Dodgers tied the score, the momentum shifted, and they never really looked back. Even when the Yankees briefly reclaimed the lead, it felt like the an eventual Dodgers win was inevitable. The final score was 7-6, Dodgers.

Watching the World Series is a lot different when your team isn’t on the field. I hoped the Yankees would win, because I’m an American League girl but what I really wanted was to watch was my team playing for the championship. Unfortunately, the Rangers did not make it this year. Maybe next year.

Now, how long do we have to wait for Spring Training to begin?

Horror On TV: One Step Beyond 3.31 “The Sorcerer” (dir by John Newland)

Posted on October 30, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

One tonight’s episode of One Step Beyond, the one and only Christopher Lee plays a German military officer who makes a fatal deal with a sorcerer.

This episode was Christopher Lee’s American television debut. It originally aired on May 23rd, 1961.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.3 “Two Grapes On The Vine/Aunt Sylvia/Deductible Divorce”

Posted on October 30, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, The Love Boat hosts a special event!

Episode 5.3 “Two Grapes On The Vine/Aunt Sylvia/Deductible Divorce”

(Dir by Bob Sweeney, originally aired on October 17th, 1981)

This week, the Love Boat is hosting a wine tasting competition!

Basically, the contestants sit in the ballroom. They take a sip of wine. They then write down what type of wine they think they just tasted. All of the members of the crew and the majority of the passengers watch them. Seriously, it looks like the most boring thing ever. I mean, I get why the competitors are into it. The winner gets a lot of money. But why would you want to watch people drink? I mean, if you’re crazy into wine, it seems like you’d want to drink it yourself. What fun is there in watching other people drink something? I’ll just say that, if I was on a cruise, I would want to do other things. I would want lay out by the pool or look at the ocean or maybe solve a murder. What I would not want to do would be to spend hours watching other people drink and then spit.

Also, I have to wonder about the wisdom of hosting a wine tasting competition on a ship that’s captained by a recovering alcoholic. Did the show forget this key part of the captain’s character? Merrill Stubing is a recovering alcoholic and he lives his life with the rigorous discipline of someone who is trying to avoid falling back into old habits. It would seem like Captain Stubing would at least mention his alcoholic past in this episode, especially after Vicki says that she wishes she could take part in the contest. Wouldn’t this be a good time for Stubing to explain that an addictive personality can be hereditary?

I know, I know. I’m overthinking. It’s just because I found this episode to be remarkably dull. I mean, I love The Love Boat but this episode was just boring. The whole wine tasting thing just put me to sleep.

It didn’t help that the three stories weren’t particularly interesting.

Robert Guillaume and Leslie Uggams played the two finalists in the wine tasting competition. They each lied to the other about why they needed the money. Then they fell in love and they each threw the competition so the other could win the money. But since they both got the last wine wrong, no one won and no money was awarded. Wow, wine tasting is a harsh sport!

Tanya Tucker and Michael Goodwin played a married couple who got divorced every year so that they could get a tax break. This time, they sailed to Mexico for a quickie divorce. Tucker’s ex-boyfriend, Robert Walden, was on the cruise and Tucker was tempted to stay divorced. However, she and Goodwin eventually decided to get married a sixth time and to never get divorced again. I liked this story solely because it was about screwing over the IRS.

Finally, Betty White wanted to marry Douglas Fairbanks, Jr. but he instead fell for Betty White’s friend, Carol Channing. No worries though! Fairbanks gave Betty White a job so that she would no longer have to marry for money.

It was all pretty boring. As I said, I love this show but this episode tasted as flat as a French wine from 1178.

Here Is The Trailer For Marvel Television, including Daredevil: Born Again

Posted on October 30, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Yesterday, Disney+ released a trailer for all of the new Marvel shows that will be coming out later this year and in 2025. The majority of the trailer highlight Daredevil: Born Again.

Admittedly, we’ve gotten used to Marvel and its movies and its show and, as such, a new Marvel trailer is no longer the big event that it used to be. (The Marvel trailers that excite us usually involve characters like Deadpool, who comment on and satirize the conventions of the comic book movie. We love Deadpool’s jaded perspective because we’ve all gotten jaded ourselves.)

That said, the Daredevil: Born Again footage looked cool. The animated stuff was a bit of a mixed bag. (Jeff tells me that Marvel Zombies have been around for a while but I still laughed when they showed up in the trailer.) Ironheart looks insanely boring. But Daredevil, I’m cautiously optimistic about.

Here’s the trailer.

Hooray For The Yankees!

Posted on October 30, 2024 by Dazzling Erin

Hooray for the Yankees?

There’s something that I never thought I’d say but I also never thought I’d find myself cheering for the Yankees in the World Series, either.

Yesterday, the Yankees finally showed some life and defeated the Dodger for the first time during this World Series. The Yankees have got a long way to go and the odds are against them. The Yankees have won one game but the Dodgers are still just one victory away from winning the Series. But I was still proud to see the Yankees actually playing the game as if they cared last night.

Game 5 is tonight. The Yankees are playing to keep the series going. The Dodgers are playing to bring it to an end. I really hope the Yankees pull off another victory. I’m not ready for baseball to end.

Go Yankees!

The Tell Tale Heart, recited by Vincent Price

Posted on October 30, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Here to continue to spread the Halloween spirit is Vincent Price, performing The Tell-Tale Heart. This is from 1970 and was a part of a PBS special called An Evening With Edgar Allan Poe.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 2.16 “Zargtha”

Posted on October 29, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, it’s werewolf time!

Episode 2.16 “Zargtha”

(Dir by Rick Jacobson, originally aired on April 5th, 1997)

The discovery of a murdered teenage runaway on the beach leads to Mitch investigating a series of killings involving homeless teens. The police think that the murders must be the result of a wild animal, a wolf of some sort. Daimont Teague shows up to tell Mitch that he thinks the killer is a Zargtha, a type of Eastern European werewolf that has found its way to California.

Mitch declares that he’s seen a lot of things over the past few months but there’s no way that he’s going to buy into the idea of a werewolf from Eastern Europe.

Okay, let’s consider this. Over the past few months, Mitch has

encountered numerous sea monsters,
been sucked into the past and hunted by an axe-wielding frontierman
gone to the future and been hunted by cannibal mutants
watched multiple animals explode after getting exposed to space dust
watched two 900 year-old Vikings come back to life and pick up their blood feud right where they left off,
discovered that the world is secretly controlled by the Knights Templar and,
fought an actual vampire!

That’s just some of what Mitch has seen since the start of the second season of Baywatch Nights. And yet, after all that, a werewolf is just too out there!? I know that Mitch is supposed to be a skeptic and I respect that. I’m a skeptic myself. But there’s a point where skepticism becomes stupidity. I may not believe in vampires but that’s going to quickly change if I ever meet one.

After learning that there’s a group of homeless teenagers living in abandoned building, Mitch and the head of the local shelter, Cindy (Pamela Bach-Hasselhoff), try to find and warn them before the killer reaches them. Complicating this matter is that a recent earthquake is threatening to make the building come crashing down and also, the killer is already in the building. And yes, the killer is a werewolf from Eastern Europe.

This was actually a pretty good episode. Though the werewolf makeup wasn’t that great, the creature’s ferocious growls and the relentless way that it would attack still made it far more effective than the usual Baywatch Nights monster. As well, the abandoned building turned out to be a wonderfully atmospheric and creepy location. For once, all the Dutch angles felt appropriate. This episode played out like a nightmare and I imagine, back in 1997, it was probably quite scary to watch with the lights out and maybe a storm raging outside.

Pamela Bach-Hasselhoff was married to David Hasselhoff when this episode was filmed. That may explain why Ryan is barely in this episode and, for the first time in a long time, there’s no scenes of Ryan and Mitch flirting. Instead, Mitch spends this episode protecting Cindy and the kids. That’s kind of sweet. Good for the Hoff!