Late Night Retro Television Reviews: CHiPs 1.9 “Hustle”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, Ponch gets bowling fever!

Episode 1.9 “Hustle”

(Dir by Georg Fenady, originally aired on November 24th, 1977)

Life is a hustle when you work for the California Highway Patrol.

Ponch and Baker deal with a lot of things over the course of this episode.  While pursuing two motorcycle riders who are suspected of holding up a grocery store, Ponch gets a cigarette tossed on him by a passing motorist.  The suspects turn out to be two women who were just out for an afternoon ride.  They seem to be pretty amused by the whole thing, despite the fact that Baker roughly frisked them as soon as they pulled over.  Luckily, the sight of the hole that was left on Ponch’s uniform by the cigarette (and the boxers underneath) gives everyone an excuse to laugh.

This is not the best time for Ponch to have a wardrobe malfunction because he’s due in court.  Ponch gave a ticket to Sidney Engelhart (Marty Ingels) but Sidney claims that the only person who is guilty of reckless driving is Ponch.  Sidney tries to prove his point by basically stalking Ponch while he does his job.

While Ponch deals with his stalker, Baker pulls over a car being driven by veteran screen actor Broderick Crawford.  Ponch is totally excited to see Crawford but Baker is fairly nonchalant about the whole thing.  When his pen runs out of ink, Baker borrows Crawford’s gold fountain pen and then forgets to return it to the actor, which leads to Baker getting called out at the next morning briefing.

Meanwhile, there’s a huge car accident that leads to Ponch and Baker saving a mother and her baby from a live electrical wire.  Baker also pulls over a man driving a car that only has three wheels and, of course, there are the grocery store robbers to deal with.

And yet, for everything going on, Ponch’s main concern remains the department’s bowling tournament.  As has been a consistent theme so far during the first season of CHiPs, Ponch’s main concern continues to be doing things that don’t have much to do with his actual job.  Whereas Baker comes across as if nothing makes him happier than writing a speeding ticket, Ponch often seems to view policework as something to do until something better comes along.  On the one hand, this does not make Ponch a particularly effective cop.  We’re only 9 episodes into the series and I’ve lost count of the number of times that he’s had to go back to the trailer park to change his uniform.  On the other hand, it is probably a realistic portrayal of how most people view their jobs.  Ponch does enough to get by.

As for the episode itself, this was another “day-in-the-life” style episode.  So far, the first season of CHiPs has been dominated by rather loose plotting.  Ponch and Baker just ride and see what type of trouble they can find on the highways.  As for the bowling subplot, Baker turns out to be a surprisingly competent bowler and Ponch plots to win a lot of money from his fellow officers.  But then Baker sprains his bowling fingers and it looks like Ponch is once again out of a small fortune.  Poor Ponch, he is fortune’s fool!

(I actually have gone bowling a few times.  I’m not any good at it but I’ve been told that the important thing is to jump up and down regardless of what happens.)

This Hustle, I would give a solid B.  The scenery was nice.  There was an exciting motorcycle chase at the start of the show.  The episode was a pleasant-enough diversion, albeit not one that leaves a huge impression afterwards.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 1.17 “The Maze”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

It was not easy but I managed to rouse myself from my sickbed long enough to stumble into my home office so I could watch and review this week’s episode of Miami Vice!

Episode 1.17 “The Maze”

(Dir by Tim Zinnemann, originally aired on February 22nd, 1985)

This episode of Miami Vice gets off to a good start, with an exciting and, even by the standards of today, surprisingly violent shoot-out in downtown Miami.  The shoot-out leaves one cop dead, one partner embittered, and Crockett and Tubbs looking for the perpetrators, the Escobars.  As Tubbs explains it, the Escobars were strictly small-timers but it appears that they’ve recently gotten out of prison and now they are trying to make a name for themselves in Miami.

The search for the Escobars leads Crockett and Tubbs to a seemingly abandoned apartment building that has been nicknamed “The Maze.”  The Escobars have taken over the building and now, the handful of people who were previously living in the Maze are virtual hostages.  With the police surrounding the Maze, Tubbs decides to go undercover as a drifter who just happens to drop by the Maze in search of a place to stay.  Of course, no sooner has Tubbs entered into the Maze then a renegade cop named Duryea (Jay O. Sanders) decides to rush the building himself and the police are forced to reveal themselves.  Realizing that they’re surrounded, the Escobars demand a helicopter to the Bahamas and $10,000.  (Personally, I think they should have just asked for the helicopter.  People will give up helicopters much quicker than money.)  They hold every person in the building hostage, including Tubbs.

As I previously mentioned while reviewing T and T, I’m not a fan of shows that center around hostage situations, largely because they almost always end up being dramatically inert.  There’s only so many times that you can watch a sweaty criminal demand a helicopter before you get bored with listening to him.  That is certainly the case here.  The show gets off to a good start and even the scenes with Tubbs breaking into the Maze and pretending to be a Jamaican drifter had some flair to them.  But once the tense hostage situation started up, I got bored.  I appreciated the fact that the Escobars, as opposes to being hardened criminals, were really just as scared as the people they were holding hostage but otherwise, this episode was just a bit too slow for me.

That said, this episode does feature Breakin 2‘s Adolfo ‘Shabba-Doo’ Quinones as a dancing informant, early performances from Joe Morton and Ving Rahmes, and a really cool moment where Tubbs smirks and says, “Nobody’s going to the Bahamas.”  Even a lesser episode of Miami Vice still had style to burn.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Check It Out! 1.13 “Love Is A Many Splendored Alf”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, my favorite character returns!

Episode 1.13 “Love Is A Many Splendored Alf”

(Dir by John Bell, originally aired on January 8th, 1986)

Viker’s back!

Played by Gordon Clapp, Viker is the store’s electrician.  He’s only appeared in a handful of episodes this season, though Wikipedia says that he’ll become a regular during season 2.  Viker is one of the best characters on the show.  Technically, he’s the goofy dumb guy but what makes Viker special is that, while he’s definitely goofy, he’s not really that dumb.  Viker can put his thoughts together, it’s just that he put them together differently than everyone around him.  Viker lives in a world of his own, one that has its own peculiar set of rules.  Alone amongst all the characters on the show, Viker is always honest and tries to directly answer every question that he’s asked.  For instance, when Howard asks him if he has an idea as to what is making the store’s light flicker on and off, Viker replies, “Yes,” and leaves it at that.  Howard, after all, didn’t ask him what the idea is.

Viker is at the store because Cobb’s is having electrical problems.  The lights are flickering on and off.  (It takes Viker a few minutes to notice because, as he explains, his blinking his synchronized with the flickering.)  The cash registers are humming.  The refrigerator in the break room has broken down.  The store’s freezer also breaks down, leading 800 pounds of melted ice cream and a bunch of TV dinner rotting in an alley.  Can Viker figure out what the problem is?

No, of course, he can’t.  Fortunately, Alf the Security Guard can.  When Alf gives the broken refrigerator a good slap, the refrigerator comes back to life and the lights stop flickering.  So, I guess it was all the refrigerator’s fault!  To be honest, I don’t know much about how things are wired in most stores but …. well, let’s just go with it.

Alf …. poor Alf!  Alf has a tough week in this episode.  Edna sets Alf up on a date with her friend Helen (Nonnie Griffith).  Helen likes that Alf is a plain-spoken, blue collar guy.  Helen is less impressed when Alf gets drunk on their date and tries to crack open his escargot.  She is especially not happy when he pours a pitcher of water on the flambé.  After the disastrous date, Alf is convinced that he’ll never see Helen again.  Fortunately, for Alf, Helen just happens to be in the store when he gets the refrigerator working and basically saves everyone’s job.  Helen is impressed enough to give Alf a second chance.  Awwwww!

(In other words, it’s a good thing Viker couldn’t figure out what the problem was!)

As far as this episode goes, I never really believed that Helen would have been attracted to Alf in the first place so that story kind of fell flat.  And seriously, if you’re dating a guy because you like how direct and blue collar he is, what are you thinking serving him escargot and flambé?  But I was happy to see Viker again and I appreciated that this was an episode where everyone in the store acted as eccentrically as possible.  Check It Out! works best when it leans into absurdism.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 12/31/23 — 1/6/24


Happy 2024!

Baywatch Nights (YouTube)

I wrote about Baywatch Nights here!

Check It Out! (Tubi)

My review of this week’s episode will be dropping soon.

CHiPs (Freevee)

I wrote about CHiPs here!

Dr. Phil (YouTube)

I watched way too much Dr. Phil this week.  Most of them were episodes that I had already seen before and, as I sit here writing this up just 30 minutes before deadline, I’m struggling to remember much about any of them.  I do remember that I rewatched the Truthfully Tricia episode.  That was a wild one.  As obnoxious as Tricia was, I do feel that Phil went out of his way to goad her into having a meltdown on his stage.  I mean, he really wanted her to do the dramatic walk-off.

Fantasy Island (YouTube)

I wrote about Fantasy Island here!

Forgive or Forget (YouTube)

“I can forgive but I will not forget!”

Uhmm, it sounds like someone needs to look at the name of the show that they’re on.  Pick one or the other!

Friday the 13th: The Series (YouTube)

I wrote about Friday the 13th here!

Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, FOX)

I’m so glad Ryan got a black jacket!  I know that Chef Ramsay said that he saw a lot of improvement in Jason and maybe he did and it was just edited out.  Just from watching the show, it’s easy to get the feeling they kept Jason around for as long as they did because they needed a good villain.  But, at the same time, Chef Ramsay isn’t really one to throw around false praise, either.  His brand is being critical and angry so, when he’s not, that usually means something.

Highway to Heaven (Tubi)

I wrote about Highway to Heaven here!

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

Miami Vice (Tubi)

I wrote about Miami Vice here!

Monsters (Tubi)

I wrote about Monsters here!

Night Flight (Night Flight Plus)

On Friday night, I watched an episode that was all about songs from the 80s that were about working out and the human body.  I followed this with an episode about the best indie music videos of 2023.  Some of the videos were really good!

Password (Weekday afternoons, BUZZR)

I watched two episodes of this extremely frustrating old game show on Tuesday.  Like seriously, how hard was it to guess some of those passwords that they used on that show?

Tattletales (Weekday Mornings, BUZZR)

I watched two episodes of this old game show on Tuesday.  William Shatner and his then-wife were on one episode.  They didn’t do very well.

Turn-On (YouTube)

I wrote about Turn-On here.  I thought I was done with Turn-On but a friend in Australia informs me that it turns out that the unaired second episode is also on YouTube.  And, as we all know, I am a completist….

Twilight Zone (Monday, SyFy and H&I)

The New Year’s Twilight Zone marathon finished up on Monday.  What a great show!  I think The Monsters Are Due On Maple Street is one of the most perfect 30 minute programs ever aired.  I also love the episode where Dennis Weaver keeps having the same dream over and over again.

Welcome Back Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about Welcome Back Kotter here!

 

 

Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back Kotter 3.4 “The Visitors”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Julie and the twins return home!

Episode 3.4 “The Visitors”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on September 22nd, 1977)

Julie and the twins are home!

Soon after arriving at the apartment, Julie and Gabe start to argue over what to name the babies.  Gabe suggests that they name them This One and That One.  Gabe also suggests that they name them Ethel and Lucy.  Julie, not being a fan of television or comedy in general (which makes it a bit odd that she ended up married to Gabe), suggests that they name the babies after their grandmothers, Rachel and Robin.

Speaking of grandparents, Julie’s mother and father show up unannounced.  Mr. Hansen (Jack Dodson) and his wife (Alice Backes) are from Nebraska and they don’t know much about city folks or Sweathogs or apartment buildings.  The Hansens actually appear to be extremely nice and polite but Gabe also immediately starts to complain about them staying at the apartment.  Yeah, Gabe …. I guess it’s not fun when visitors show up at random and then just decide to hang out.

Speaking of which, the Sweathogs also show up at the apartment.  Unfortunately, because Barbarino is stuck in the 10th Grade until he can pass a makeup exam, they are without their leader.  Watching this episode made me realize just how important Barbarino was to the Sweathogs.  Though John Travolta does appear in this episode, he doesn’t share any scenes with the other Sweathogs and without Travolta’s likeable screen presence to ground them, the other Sweathogs are just too weird to believably function as a group.  It was halfway through this episode that I found myself wondering if Epstein and Washington would actually hang out with Horshack if Vinnie wasn’t around to tell them to do so.

With Gabe gone, the responsibility for teaching his class falls to Mr. Woodman.  The students are bored with Woodman as a teacher but Woodman doesn’t care.  Woodman doesn’t care about much of anything, which makes it all the more heart-warming when he shows up at the Kotter apartment and proves himself to be a natural when it comes to taking care of babies.  Woodman was usually such an bitter character that it’s impossible not to smile when you see how much he seems to sincerely like talking to one of the Kotter twins.

Woodman proves himself to be not such a bad guy but telling Kotter than he’ll give Barbarino a makeup exam and allow him to join the 11th Grade if he passes.  “But if he fails by one point,” Woodman says, “he stays in the 10th Grade.”

“Did I ever tell you about my uncle who was in the 10th Grade for three years?” Gabe replies.

Woodman says that he’s willing to bring gifts to the babies and give Vinnie a makeup exam but “I will not listen to one of your uncle stories.”

And that’s it for this episode!  This episode was pretty slight, with characters randomly coming in and out of the Kotter apartment and getting on Julie’s nerves.  I’m going to assume that Barbarino’s absence from much of the episode was due to Travolta’s burgeoning film career as opposed to Barbarino being held back a grade.  (Barbarino better pass that exam.  The Sweathogs need their leader!)  That said, the bit at the end with Woodman was funny and full of heart so I’ll give this episode a solid B.

Next week: Gabe and Barbarino buy a lottery ticket!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Friday the 13th 1.13 “The Baron’s Bride”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week, Micki and Ryan go to 1870s London!

Episode 1.13 “The Baron’s Bride”

(Dir by Bradford May, originally aired on February 15th, 1988)

The latest cursed antique that Jack has decided to retrieve is a cursed cape.  As Jack explains it, any man who wears the cape will automatically become irresistible to women.  So, with that in mind, why does Jack take Ryan and Micki with him?  Wouldn’t it make more sense to leave Micki at home and just bring Ryan who, as a guy, would be immune to the cape’s powers?

Seriously, Jack did not think this through!

As well, Jack also doesn’t know the full extent of the cape’s power.  It not only makes the wearer irresistible to women but it also turns him into a vampire.  And if blood gets on the cape’s brooch, the vampire and anyone near him will be transported into the past.

Jack, Ryan, and Micki arrives the home of Marie Simmons (Diana Barrington), just in time to see her giving the cape to her new boarder, Frank Edwards (Tom McCamus).  Of course, as soon as Micki sees Frank, she falls under her spell.  When Marie attacks Micki, she cuts Micki’s cheek.  Micki’s blood hits Frank’s brooch and they (along with Ryan) are transported into the past.

All three of them end up in London in 1870.  While Frank stalks victims on the streets of London, Micki and Ryan team up with a young writer named — *ahem* — Abraham (Kevin Bundy) and his wife, Caitlin (Susannah Hoffman).  Frank is determined to find Micki and, because Frank is still wearing the cape, Micki once again finds herself falling under Frank’s spell.

This is an excellent and atmospheric episode.  As soon as Ryan, Micki, and Frank are transported to London, the show switches from color to black-and-white and the story plays out like a macabre Universal horror film.  The episode is full of scenes of Frank running in slow motion towards his victims and revealing his fangs as he snarls at his enemies and Tom McCamus gives a wonderfully sinister performance as the innocent boarder turned vampire.  This episode packs a lot action into just 45 minutes of screen time and Micki and Ryan (and Robey and John D. LeMay) again prove themselves to be a good team.

The episode ends with a neat, if predictable twist.  Back in the present day, Jack asks Micki and Ryan if they happened to learn Abraham’s last name.  When they reply that they only knew him by his first name, Jack reveals that they spent their time in London working with Bram Stoker.  So, in their way, Micki and Ryan are responsible for Dracula!  Woo hoo!  Way to go, guys!

This was a great and fun episode.  Episodes like this make me glad that I decided to review this show.

One final note: Keep an eye out for Friday the 13th — A New Beginning‘s John Shepherd as a police constable.

Retro Television Reviews: T and T 2.11 “Hard Way Home”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990.  The show can be found on Tubi!

T and T is back …. with a kidnapping!

Episode 2.11 “Hard Way Home”

(Dir by Al Waxman, originally aired on January 23rd, 1989)

Joe has the worst luck when it comes to making new friends!

One of the main themes of the second season of T and T has been T.S. (and, occasionally, Amy) acting as a mentor for teenage Joe Casper.  The season began with Joe losing his mother to a bomb that was set by Canadian Neo-Nazis.  T.S. apparently adopted Joe and now, the kid spends all of his time at Decker’s gym.  Whenever Joe makes a new friend, they either turn out to be a criminal or a victim of a crime.

This week, Joe’s new friend is George Papadopolous (David Stratton), who invites Joe to toss a football around with him in the park.  However, once they get to the park, George is grabbed by a couple of thugs and tossed into the trunk of a car.  Joe chases the car and even grabs onto the bumper but ultimately, he can’t save George.

When a banged-up Joe returns to Decker’s gym, T.S. assures him that his new scars will make him the most popular kid at his school.  Joe then calls George’s father and is told that the whole kidnapping was a prank and that he shouldn’t call the police.  This sounds strange to T.S. so he investigates on his own.

It turns out that George’s father is Peter (George Sperdakos), a big man in Toronto’s Greek mafia.  Someone has kidnapped George and is demanding a huge ransom.  Members of the Greek community are all donating their own money to help Peter raise the amount.  Because Joe was able to get the license plate number of the car that George was tossed into, it doesn’t take long for T.S. to discover that George was abducted by Peter’s rival, a used car dealer named Frangos (George Touliatos).  However, Frangos is not working alone.  It turns out that Peter arranged the kidnapping of his own son so that he could pocket the ransom money!

Needless to say, thinks work out in the end.  George is freed and Peter is arrested.  At first, Amy tells T.S. that there is no way that she would ever agree to represent Peter because 1) she knows that Peter is guilty and 2) Peter can’t afford to pay.  But then the members of Greek community (who are apparently very forgiving) donate their own money to convince Amy to defend Peter in court.  Does Amy win the case?  The episode ends before we find out.

This episode really showed the disadvantage of trying to tell a story like this in just 30 minutes.  There was never any suspense over who kidnapped George because there was only time to introduce one suspect!  Peter turning out to be in on it was a nice twist but it came out of nowhere because there really wasn’t any time to properly set it up.  This would have been a good hour episode but, at 30 minutes, it just felt rushed and it didn’t have any fun Mr. T line readings.  Toronto looked nice and cold but otherwise, this was a forgettable episode.

Reacher, S1 Ep8, “Pie”


The finale begins with BETRAYAL. The “good” FBI agent who set up the safehouse- Picard was in on it THE WHOLE TIME!!! DUN DUN DUN. KJ is there being a psychopath and for some reason they aren’t just killing everyone. WHY? I mean they were all pew pew pew throughout the miniseries, but now it’s chit chat time??? KJ killed EVERYONE! He killed his Dad, Morrison, Deputy Deadmeat and Mrs. Deadmeat, Reacher’s brother, and the Last Unicorn. I’m not a huge unicorn fan; so, that one I’m fine with that one. AHHH, KJ wants Reacher to find Hubble and if he does it, he’ll release Hubble’s wife and kids. I doubt it, but ok – let’s see where this goes.

Reacher is being forced to track Hubble down and Picard is on him, but why just him? There seems to be no shortage of thugs in this town. Anyway, manages to kill Picard and find Hubble. Ok, why not? Finley is the jail with the crooked cop who’s beating him A LOT, but Reacher busts in the jail with a trick because of course he does!!!

AWESOME! They are grabbing all the guns from the jail. ARMORED UP!!!

Reacher goes to the counterfeiting hideout and there’s fire and killing. It’s awesome.

Soon, I’ll do season 2!!!

Reacher S1 Ep 7, “Reacher Said Nothing”


The episode begins with the one good cop in Margrave – I believe his name is Deputy Deadmeat with his pregnant wife, who knows too much, and is just a few days from retirement. These two people couldn’t be more about to be killed in this show if they jumped into “The Beyond” (shoutout to Lisa). Uh Oh, the dudes in the white garbage bags are heading into Deadmeat’s house.

We have another Reacher flashback. They are forced to move to Germany because they wouldn’t cave to apologizing to the bully in the neighborhood. I’m not sure how I feel about all these flashbacks. They’re good, but we’re in the last two episode’s now; so, as the philosopher Elvis would say- A little less talk and a little more action.

Aaaaand, we’re back.

Deputy Deadmeat and his wife are very very murdered, but at least they didn’t make him eat his own balls; so,….. yay? 

This episode is fun because he goes full Rambo!!! Reacher talks to a dirty cop and surreptitiously tells him that he will be at Hubble’s house that night! He leaves the Mercedes outside so that the murderers know he’s there! It’s AWESOME!!! Power chords are workin’ for him as he puts on the camo paint. So many dudes show up in the white garbage bags and it gets Total Recall with the violence! LOVE IT!!!! 

The room clear to look for Reacher who has laid a trap, but most are using handguns and only one has a shotgun. Handguns aren’t great for house fighting. The shotgun is a much preferred weapon. Why? Projectiles fly VERY fast and you can miss easily; whereas, a shotgun spreads the pain.

The male shirtlessness after the fight is a bit unnecessary. He neatly figures everything out at once that the paper is 1 dollar bills that they bleach and reprint as 100s. I think this could’ve been teased out better if we didn’t have SO MANY FLASHBACKS.

Meanwhile, Finley is trapped in a crappy motel with dudes trying to kill him. I had a similar experience when I was almost murdered in Spain.

I was at bar and an older lady came up to me and just started kissing me right away and then said- this is my cheating husband’s favorite bar and I told him I was going to sleep with the first guy I met. I’ll show him when gets here in five minutes! I threw some bills at the bar and ran out. Why Barcelona, Why???! As I got out onto those damn slippery cobblestones, I saw very large angry man looking around everywhere.

Yes, life comes at you pretty fast: one minute you’re eating shitty paella and getting loaded on Sangria and the next you’re running out of the back door of a bar to get to your penzione, get your shit, and take the first train out of Spain to ANYWHERE. The next morning, I was in Holland.

I hope you enjoyed this recap/review and stay out of Barcelona! I don’t care how many museums they have- it is actually a lot and they are nice, but for me, it will always be Murderville!