Today’s horror film is a true classic of its kind, the 1953 science fiction epic Robot Monster.
Now, I should admit that this is not the first time that I’ve shared Robot Monster in October. I share it every year and, every year, YouTube seems to pull the video down in November. That sucks because Robot Monster is one of those weird films that everyone should see. So, I’m going to share it again. And, hopefully, YouTube will let the video stay up for a while.
As for what Robot Monster is about…
What happens with the Earth is attacked by aliens? Well, first off, dinosaurs come back to life. All of humanity is killed, except for one annoying family. Finally, the fearsome Ro-Man is sent down to the planet to make sure that it’s ready for colonization. (Or something like that. To be honest, Ro-Man’s exact goal remains a bit vague.)
Why is Ro-Man so fearsome? Well, he lives in a cave for one thing. He also owns a bubble machine. And finally, perhaps most horrifically, he’s a gorilla wearing a diver’s helmet. However, Ro-Man is not just a one-dimensional bad guy. No, he actually gets to have a monologue about halfway through the film in which he considers the existential issues inherent in being a gorilla wearing a diver’s helmet.
Can humanity defeat Ro-Man? Will Ro-Man ever get his intergalactic supervisor to appreciate him? And finally, why are the dinosaurs there?
All of those questions, and more, are cheerfully left unanswered but that’s a large part of this odd, zero-budget film’s considerable charm. If you’ve never seen it before, you owe it to yourself to set aside an hour and two minutes in order to watch it.
Welcome to rural Wisconsin, where everyone’s running around in their underwear and getting attacked by giant spiders!
That’s not meant to be a dig at the 1975 film, The Giant Spider Invasion, either. I mean, let’s be honest. If you’re going to be running around the trailer park in your underwear, the last thing that you want to do is walk straight into a giant spider web. That happens a few times in The Giant Spider Invasion and I cringed every time because …. AGCK! I mean, it’s a scary thought and The Giant Spider Invasion understands that. Years ago, I was riding a horse and I rode head first into a spider web and oh my God! I lost track of how many hours I spent washing my hair afterwards. Of course, fortunately, I wasn’t in my underwear when I rode into that spider web. So, it wasn’t as bad as it could have been.
Anyway, The Giant Spider Invasion opens with a meteorite crashing down to Earth. As I previously mentioned, it lands in Wisconsin. I can’t help but think that the alien spiders were a bit disappointed when they emerged out of their meteorite and discovered that they were in Wisconsin. One would imagine that they were probably aiming for Washington D.C. and maybe they got off track. Still, it works to the spiders’ advantage in that they’ve managed to land in a place so filthy and messy that no one is going to notice a few extra tarantulas crawling around. Or, at least, they don’t notice until the tarantulas are gigantic and wandering through the fields.
(Go ask Alice …. when she’s ten feet tall…..)
We follow as various people deal with the giant spider invasion. What we quickly discover is that, in 1975, America just wasn’t ready to make contact with alien spiders. While Dr. Langer (Barbara Hale) and Dr. Vance (Steven Brodie) investigate the meteorite crash, the rest of the town is too busy with their own personal dramas to be of much help. The Sheriff (Alan Hale, Jr.) is a buffoon who tries to coordinate a response from the safety of his office. Dan (Robert Easton) and Ev (Leslie Parrish) obsess on whether or not the meteorites contain diamonds as well as spiders. Dan has an affair with barmaid Helga (Christine Schmidtmer) while Ev’s younger sister, Terry (Dianne Lee Hart) dates Dave (Kevin Brodie), the son of the local newspaper editor. Every 15 minutes or so, a crazed-looking preacher pops up and starts ranting about how the world’s going to end because of the sins of people like Dan, Eve, and Helga and, to be honest, the preacher seems to be the only person in town who understands just how much trouble they’re all in.
It’s all kind of silly but, because this is a Bill Rebane film, it all plays out with a certain unbridled enthusiasm that’s impossible to resist. Rebane was never one to let a low-budget get in the way of his ambitions and the special effects in The Giant Spider Invasion may be cheap but they still have a charm all their own. I mean, let’s face it. Spiders are scary and any scene that features a giant one sneaking up on someone is going to be at least somewhat effective. (I’ll even go on to say that a shot of a “giant” spider super-imposed over a field was actually rather effective and creepy.) Add to that, The Giant Spider Invasion has only an 84-mintue running time so it doesn’t waste any time getting to the spiders. This is a fun movie and a perfect one to watch in October.
Scientist David Banyon (Bill Bixby) has a secret. His real name is David Banner and he has spent the last ten years in hiding, traveling up and down the highway and searching for a cure to a very strange condition. As the result of getting dosed with gamma rays, David Banner sometimes transforms into an angry green monster known as the Hulk (Lou Ferrigno). The world believes that David Banner is dead and Banner must let them continue to believe that until he can find a cure for the monster within.
The Incredible Hulk Returns is a continuation of the old Incredible Hulk television series, which was the first (and, until the MCU came along, only) successful attempt to build a live action show around a Marvel super hero. Premiering in 1978, The Incredible Hulk ran for 5 seasons and got good ratings and, for a comic book series, surprisingly decent reviews. However, it was also expensive to produce and it was abruptly cancelled in 1982, before the show got a chance to wrap up David’s story. When The Incredible Hulk ended, David Banner was still alone and hitchhiking from town to town. Six years later, The Incredible Hulk Returns caught up with David and tried to sell viewers on a “new” Marvel hero as well.
David “Banyon” is now living in California and working at the Joshua-Lambert Research Institute. It’s been two years since he last turned into the Hulk. He controls his rage by being careful not to get involved in any dangerous situations. He also has a girlfriend, Dr. Maggie Shaw (Lee Purcell). David is designing the Gamma Transponder, which he thinks will cure him of his condition. Life’s good until Donald Blake (Steve Levitt) shows up.
A student of Banner’s, Blake recognizes his former teacher and approaches him with a crazy story. When Blake was in Norway, he stumbled across a tomb that contained a hammer that contained the spirit of Thor, a Viking warrior who was banished to Earth by Odin. To prove that he’s telling the truth, Blake commands Thor to emerge from the hammer. When Thor (played by Eric Kramer) does, he makes such a mess in the laboratory that David transforms into the Hulk.
Thor is not Banner’s only problem. Jack LeBeau (Tim Thomerson!) and Mike Fouche (Charles Napier!!) want to steal the Gamma Transponder and turn it into a weapon. Also, reporter Jack McGee (Jack Colvin) s back in town and still obsessed with proving that the Hulk exists.
The Incredible Hulk Returns may be a continuation of David Banner’s story but the main reason it was filmed was so it could serve as a backdoor pilot for a Thor television series. The Thor TV series never happened and, for those who are used to Chris Hemsworth’s comedic take on Thor, it’s jarring to see Eric Kramer playing the role like a third-tier professional wrestler. For fans of The Incredible Hulk TV series, it’s even more jarring to see the Hulk fighting alongside a viking. Unlike the comic book, the TV series usually tried to ground its stories in reality, with Banner’s transformations into the Hulk serving as the show’s only concession to its comic book origins. The villains played by Thomerson and Napier both seem like typical bad guys from the show’s heyday but Thor just doesn’t belong. Fans of the show will resent Thor taking the spotlight away from David Banner and the Hulk while fans of Thor will notice that this version of Thor is apparently not the god of thunder but instead just an egotistical viking who got on Odin’s nerves.
Bill Bixby was always The Incredible Hulk‘s not-so-secret weapon, taking and playing his role very seriously. He continues to do that in The Incredible Hulk Returns but how seriously can anyone come across when they’re speaking to Thor? By the end of the movie, Thor and Blake head off on their own adventures while Banner resumes hitchhiking. Thor and Blake would not be seen again but David Banner’s adventures would continue in The Trial of the Incredible Hulk.
On the one hand, zombies are scary and zombie movies, when done well, can be genuinely disturbing. Zombie movies deal with the inevitably of death. Whenever someone dies, we always say that they’re at peace. “At least, they’re not suffering anymore,” we say. Zombie movies suggest that there is no peace after death. Instead, the suffering of life is just replaced with nonstop hunger and savagery of death. Meanwhile, the living don’t even get a chance to mourn their dead before they’re forced to kill them again. Zombies are relentless and they used to be our friends and family. That’s one reason why zombies haunt us in a way that certain other monsters never will.
At the same time, when it comes to zombie movies, there’s just so many of them! Seriously, it seems like there must be at least a hundred zombie movies released every year. We’ve seen so many scenes of the dead running through empty city streets that it’s hard not to get cynical. The first time you see a reanimated corpse eat its parents, it’s disturbing. But, by the hundredth time you’ve seen it, it’s just expected. We now live in an age where every disaster is compared to a “zombie apocalypse.” Even non-horror fans know about zombies. The days of zombies being obscure are over. They’re now firmly a part of pop culture and, as a result, they’ve become a bit annoying.
I say all this because, in many ways, #Alive is a standard zombie film. This South Korean film opens with Joon-woo
(Yoo Ah-in) in his apartment, playing video games. When reports come in of something strange happening in the streets of Seoul, Joon-woo goes out to his balcony to see what’s happening. What he sees is a world gone mad, one in which hordes of growling people run through the streets, biting down and feeding on anyone who gets to close to them. Yes, the zombie apocalypse has begun and Seoul is apparently right in the middle of it.
And don’t get me wrong. The zombies are indeed frightening and there’s an exciting sequence where Joon-woo has to force one out of his apartment. It’s all very well-directed and well-acted by Yoo Ah-in but it’s not anything that we haven’t seen before. At this point, audiences have seen so many zombie rampages that if a real one ever breaks out, the uninfected will probably start bitching about how different it is from what the movies led them to expect.
What sets #Alive apart is the way it captures the feeling of being totally isolated and alone. Trapped in his apartment with only a limited amount of food and with no way of knowing whether or not his family is still alive, Joon-woo tries to maintain his sanity. Joon-woo is isolated from the outside world. He’s quarantied himself. Occasionally, he steps out on the balcony and sees if the zombies are still outside. (They are.) Occasionally, he checks the news to see if there’s an end in sight. (There’s not.) As the days pass, Joon-woo finds himself tempted to surrender to his despair.
But what if Joon-woo isn’t the only person left alive in his apartment complex? What if, on the other side of the complex, there’s a woman named Kim Yoo-bin (Park Shin-hye) who is trying to catch Joon-woo’s attention so that he’ll know that he’s not alone and that she’s willing to help? And just how much of a risk is Joon-woo willing to take to end his isolation?
That’s a question that feels especially relevant today, at a time when so many people are isolated, either voluntarily or by doctor’s orders. When a newscaster describes the zombies as being infected, it’s impossible not to think about what’s currently going on in the world. When Joon-woo discovers how truly difficult it is to be alone and unable to leave your home …. well, that’s the way many people have felt this entire year. Though #Alive was filmed before the pandemic lock-downs, it feels like a movie about our current times. As such, it has a power to it that it might not have had if it had been released at a different time. Like everyone, Joon-woo struggles with fear and despair. But, at the same time, he never allows himself to forget that he’s not dead yet. He’s still alive and there’s still hope.
#Alive is a film about how difficult it can be to live while everyone around you is obsessing on death but it’s also a film that encourages its viewers to embrace life, no matter how difficult or frightening the situation. It’s a film about the dead that ultimately has a lot to say about what it means to be alive.
Host tells the story of the Zoom meeting from Hell.
Actually, that description is a case of me being a bit too glib. Though this hour-long film, which can currently be viewed on Shudder, has received a lot of attention for its Zoom call format, there’s a good deal more going on in Host. It’s the first film of the COVID-19 era and, when this era finally ends, it’s a film that will remind viewers of what it was like to be locked down and afraid that, even behind closed door and with a mask ready to go, there was truly no escape from the virus.
Host is a British film about six friends, one psychic medium, and one very destructive spirit. Locked down due to COVID, the friends have weekly Zoom meetings. Some of them drink wine during the meetings. One of them smokes a good deal of weed. The important thing that they’re staying in contact and not allowing the separation to drive them apart. As so many others have done over the course of 2020, they’ve tried to find some sort of normalcy in a situation that is anything but. Even though the viewer only spends an hour with these characters, it’s impossible not to relate to what they’re going through.
For this week’s meeting, a medium named Seylan (Seylan Baxter) had been hired to lead the friends in an online séance. Everyone has a different reaction to Seylan, which I liked. Jemma (Jemma Moore) seems to be struggling not to laugh as Seylan tells everyone to light their candles. (I related to Jemma, as I probably would have had the same reaction.) Emma (Emma Louise Webb) and Caroline (Caroline Ward) are both obviously taking the séance a bit more seriously and are concerned about what will happen when they contact the other side. Haley (Haley Bishop) tries to keep the group focused while Radina (Radina Drandova) and Teddy (Edward Linard) deal with interruptions from their significant others.
Well, needless to say, the séance doesn’t exactly lead to the best of results. That doesn’t count as a spoiler because first off, this film is on Shudder and secondly, since when has it ever been a good idea to try to contact the dead? If there’s anything that I’ve learned from the movies, it’s that the dead are extremely touchy and prone to violence.
Host makes great use of its format. Every time someone drops out of the meeting, we’re left to wonder if they’ve just temporarily lost their connection or if they’ve been attacked by something from beyond. When we watch the interaction between the six friends — who feel like a group of real friends, though I don’t know how well everyone knew each other before production began — we find ourselves constantly looking over everyone’s shoulder, searching for any sign of an unexpected presence. Sometimes, we think we see something just to then discover that it was just our overactive imagination. Sometimes, we think we something and …. well, we actually do.
Host works because it’s a horror film to which everyone can relate. It gets to a truth that gets beyond the usual horror movie mechanics. There’s an interesting scene where one of the zoom participants is forced to flee from her flat. Even with an evil presence chasing her, she still makes sure to mask up before leaving. If it’s not the demons waiting to get you while you’re in quarantine, it’s the COVID waiting to get you as soon as you exit. The greatest fear that many people have had over the past few months is that, even if you isolate and wear your mask and stay inside, the disease is still going to somehow get you. Much like a demon from the other side, the coronavirus can’t be seen but it could be anywhere. The evil spirit in Host is not named COVID but it might as well be.
In this 1961 version of The Most Dangerous Game, two vacationing couples find themselves trapped on a tropical island and hunted by the insane Dr. Albert Balleau (Wilton Graf). Dr. Balleau loves to hunt people. Why, you could even say that Dr. Balleau has a …. BLOODLUST!
Anyway, this is an undeniably low-budget film and it’s kind of silly but that’s actually what makes it watchable. There’s a thousand different versions of The Most Dangerous Game out there but this is the only one to feature Robert Reed, the dad from The Brady Bunch, being hunted through the jungle. If you’re like me and you think that Mike Brady was an authoritarian fascist, this film is for you.
Die Cheerleader Die! is a film that was first released in 2008. It’s an independent film out of Chicago and it’s about cheerleaders. It’s also about someone who is murdering all of the cheerleaders at a …. well, I’m not sure if they were supposed to be in high school or college. All of the cheerleaders appeared to be grad student age but all the classrooms looked like they belonged in a high school.
Anyway, Tiffany (Inga Draper) is in charge of the cheerleading squad at this high school or college and she basically runs it like a dictator. She tells everyone what they can and cannot do. For instance, she orders Robin (Maria Perez) to starve herself, even though Robin is not overweight at all. Robin finds herself being tempted away from the cheerleaders by a group of body acceptance activists who are referred to as being “Pretty Intelligent Girls” or …. well, you can figure out the acronym for yourself. When cheerleaders start to turn up dead, the Pretty Intelligent Girls are the number one suspects but could it be someone else?
Who knows? This film is a difficult one to sit through, largely because it was shot on video with amateur actors, fluorescent lighting, and natural sound. That’s another way of saying that Die Cheerleader Die is essentially a 90-minute YouTube video and it’s perhaps appropriate that that’s where I saw it. There’s no suspense, the kills aren’t particularly interesting, and the whole thing just gets kinda boring pretty quickly. As I always do whenever watching a horror film about cheerleaders, I forced my sister to watch it with me so that I could get her thoughts on whether or not the film accurately captured the high school cheerleader experience. Erin abandoned the film after about seven minutes but I stuck with it because I though it might turn out to be a Coen Brothers-style commentary on high school films. It wasn’t.
But, I don’t like being totally negative in any review so I am going to point out two good things. Number one, Inga Draper gave a pretty good performance as Tiffany. She was like every aspiring dictator that you ever knew in high school. Secondly, regardless of whether the film is any good or not, you can’t deny that it actually got made. The filmmakers may have made some poor production choices but they still got their film made and, 11 years later, it’s still being watched and reviewed. That’s more than most people who have, at some point, said, “I’m going to make a movie!” have accomplished.
Finally, cheerleaders always seem to be at a disadvantage in horror movies. I’ve always found that pretty strange because most of the cheerleaders that I’ve known were tough-as-nails athletes who, because they were constantly having to deal with snarky comments and pervy flirtation, knew how to take care of themselves. In a real life horror movie, the cheerleaders would probably be the only ones to survive.
Trust me, when the apocalypse hits and the world is burning all around you, you’re going to be looking to the cheerleaders to not only keep up your spirits but save the world as well.
When a college student named Peter Parker (Nicholas Hammond) is bitten by a radioactive spider, he’s stunned to discover that he can now do everything that a spider can. He can climb walls. He has super strength. He has super senses. And, once he invents a sticky web serum, he can shoot webs and swing around the city! All he has to now is sew himself a red and blue costume and he’ll be ready to fight crime in New York City!
It’s not a minute too soon because New York is dealing with a crime wave that only Spider-Man can deal with. Seemingly ordinary people are suddenly going into hypnotic trances, stealing money and committing suicide. An extortionist sends words that, unless he’s paid a lot of money, he’s going to unleash a wave hypnotic chaos on the city. Could it have anything to do with a sinister New Age guru and hypnotist named Edward Byron (Thayer David)?
Though it was released theatrically in Europe, Spider-Man was produced for television and it served as the pilot for a short-lived CBS television series. Along with The Incredible Hulk, this was one of the first attempts to build a television series around one of Marvel’s characters. Unfortunately, the series only last 14 episodes before being canceled. Though it can be hard to believe nowadays with the nonstop hype around every single comic book movie, there was a time when television and film executives were actually weary about trying to bring super heroes like Spider-Man and Captain America to life. According to Stan Lee (who served as a consultant on Spider-Man), CBS wanted to distance their version of Spider-Man from its comic book origins. While both the pilot and the series features Peter Parker crawling up walls and shooting webs, there’s no Uncle Ben. There’s no talk about how with great power comes great responsibility. Worst of all, there are no members of Spider-Man’s famed rogue’s gallery. No Electro, no Sandman, no Green Goblin, and certainly no Dr. Octopus. CBS wanted the show to feature down-to-Earth villains, which is an interesting strategy for a show about a grad student who can climb walls.
The television version of Peter Parker isn’t as insecure and angsty as either the comic book version or even the movie versions. Hammond is likable and sincere in the role but he is also almost too self-assured as Parker, proof that CBS didn’t understand that a huge part of Spider-Man’s appeal was that he was never as confident as Superman or Captain America. Instead, much like many of the people who read his comic, Peter was frequently worried and consumed with self-doubt. The comic book version of Spider-Man was always wracked with guilt for not stopping the thief who eventually killed Ben. The television version was more worried about selling enough selfies to The Daily Bugle to be able to go on a date with his professor’s daughter.
At least the pilot film featured a villain who wouldn’t have felt out of place in an issue of The Amazing Spider-Man, though he probably would have had a cool villain name, like the Mesmerizer, if he had appeared in the comic. Thayer David played a lot of smug villains in the 70s, not to mention the fight promoter in Rocky. In Spider-Man, David goes all in as the villain and he’s got the perfect posh accent for delivering threats and sarcastic put-downs. Unfortunately, this version of Peter Parker is not the wise-cracking machine that he was in the comic books and he never really gets a chance to verbally put Byron in his place.
If you can overlook its deviations from the comic book, the pilot isn’t a bad made-for-TV adventure. Though miscast and playing a far different version of Peter Parker than we’re used to, Nicholas Hammond does his best to make Peter and his transformation credible. Thayer David, as always, is a good villain and the story, with ordinary people suddenly turning into ruthless criminals, isn’t bad. Though there are a few convincing shots of Spider-Man web-slinging, most of the special effects are lousy but they’re really not any worse than what you would expect to see in a 70s made-for-TV movie. Though the series ultimately didn’t work, the pilot is still an enjoyable precursor to what, decades later, would become the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
The Watcher in the Woods is one of those films that scares you, but you see it in your youth and it first introduces you horror. It’s like a horror movie kiddie pool. I watched this today with my daughters, which makes a really bad dad or a really awesome dad. Not sure.
My Daughter’s – Half Scary, Half weird.
I would agree with that assessment. There’s possession and I think aliens, but they don’t burst out of your chest.
The Curtis family moves into a Good Value house rental in England next door to Mrs. Aylwood (Bette Davis). Right away, poor Jan (Lynn-Holly Johnson) starts seeing weird things all around the property like laser beams. Yes, laser beams. After a lot of strange things, we learn that Mrs. Alywood’s daughter disappeared. The middle-aged townsfolk are somehow responsible….dun dun dun.
There are a lot of themes in this movie that revolve around mirrors and eclipses. For a Disney film, it is pretty scary!
I any case, the movie is free! Watch it and determine for yourself if this was a bad parenting call.
In this scene below — which does count as a spoiler, in case you’re one of those annoying toaduckers who complains about stuff like that — the House finally gets its revenge on the obnoxious family that’s been living inside of it. Now, taken out of context, it may seem a bit harsh to describe the scene as being a crowd pleaser but, if you’ve sat through the entire film, it’s hard not to cheer a little when the chimney comes down.
Through the Shattered Lens