Author Archives: Lisa Marie Bowman

Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 3.3 “For The Love Of Larry”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!

This episode features a very good boy.

Episode 3.3 “For the Love of Larry”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on October 8th, 1986)

At the start of this episode, we find Jonathan and Mark on a dangerous assignment.  They’re in the city and apparently, they’re working as undercover cops and trying to catch a local drug dealer.  At least, I assume that the people working with Jonathan and Mark were supposed to be cops.  None of them were in uniform so I guess they have just as easily been a neighborhood vigilante group.  As Jonathan and Mark prepare to confront the dealer, Jonathan says that the scourge of drugs is the greatest threat that American will ever face.

It’s a heavy assignment but it doesn’t really seem like a Highway to Heaven sort of assignment.  Usually, Mark and Jonathan are specifically assigned to help someone.  This time, though, it appears that they’ve just been assigned to help the cops do their job.  Jonathan and Mark don’t really do anything that any other cop couldn’t have done.  Mark gets excited when the dealer tries to shoot him because he’s convinced that God is causing the bullets to miss him.  Only after the dealer is captured does Jonathan reveal that God didn’t do Mark any favors.  Mark just got lucky.

Mark’s earned a break!  He and Jonathan drive off to another one of those small towns that always seem to show up on this show.  They rent a cabin for a few days.  However, Mark’s attempts at relaxation are continually interrupted by a dog.  First, the dog runs in front of the car.  Then, the dog somehow shows up at the cabin.  Even though Mark took the dog to a shelter, the dog somehow managed to get out and track Mark down.

Eventually, Mark and Jonathan figure out that they need to follow the dog.  The dog leads off the main road, to an overturned car that is hidden away in the woods.  A father and a son, both badly injured but still alive, are in the car.  Jonathan and Mark are able to rescue them but then they notice that the dog is in the back seat and was apparently killed in the crash.

The camera pans up to the sky and gets lost in the clouds.  Suddenly, the dog’s ghostly form appears and seems to actually wink at the audience, letting us know that the dog may have died but his spirit stayed on Earth long enough to rescue his owners.  (The Larry of the title is the son of the dog’s owner.)

Did this episode make me cry?  You better believe this episode made me cry!  I’m not even a dog person and I was still sobbing at the end of this episode. As I’ve mentioned before, there’s an earnest sincerity at the heart of this show that makes it effective even when it should be silly.  Having the dog appear in the clouds is the type of thing that a lot of shows probably would have screwed up.  In lesser hands, it would have been too heavy-handed and overly sentimental to work.  But, on this show, it does work.  It helps that the dog was cute.

This was a simple episode but sometimes, it’s the simple episodes that work the best.

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.19 “Jason’s New Job”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, I continue to torture myself by watching this dumb show.

Episode 1.19 “Jason’s New Job”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on February 28th, 1999)

Frustrated with always being the one who is accused of screwing things up at the restaurant, Jason decides to get a new job.  That seems a bit petulant on his part, especially when you consider that Jason is the one who is always screwing everything up.  But anyway….

Jason ends up working at a gym.  His job title is Customer Relations.  His actual job is cleaning up after people.  He’s a janitor, basically.  Meanwhile, at the restaurant, Peter hires another waiter, who is also named Jason and who is totally responsible.  He’s so responsible that Peter and Scott start calling him “Super Jason.”

And I’ll say this …. as stupid as this show is and as much as I regret deciding to watch and review it, the Super Jason thing was kind of funny.  Mostly it was funny because the other Jason is such a douchebag that it’s fun to watch him get humiliated.

Anyway, Super Jason “cleans out” the restaurant.  Peter thinks that means that Super Jason is really working hard to keep the place clean but no, actually, Super Jason stole the cash register, the deep fryer, the security cameras, and just about everything else he could get his hands on.  What’s funny is that, even when Peter and Scott are looking at their now empty restaurant, they still keep calling the guy Super Jason.

Suddenly, a food critic shows up.  She’s not amused when she’s told that she can’t have what she wants because the kitchen has been cleaned out.  She’s going to give the restaurant a bad review!  Oh no!  Oh wait, there’s Ordinary Jason with a plate of food.  He saves the day by making her order.  How does he do that when there’s no supplies left in the restaurant?  Who knows?

Meanwhile, Murray and Tracy are convinced that they (and Stads) have been cursed with bad luck.  They convince Stads to put on a bird costume and dance on the beach.  A guy who likes Stads sees Stads doing it and cancels their date.  Stads is like, “My friends betrayed me!”  Seriously, when did lifeguards get so whiny?

This episode was pretty stupid, if slightly (and just slightly) more amusing than the typical episode of Malibu, CA.  As I watched, I thought about the show’s pilot, in which both Jason and Scott were sociopathic, Peter was a cool surfing legend, Stads was the tomboy lifeguard, Murray was crazy, and Samantha was the girl that Jason and Scott were both in love with.  The pilot introduced us to the principal of the high school and suggested that she and Peter were in love with each other.  Now, 19 episodes in, Scott is the responsible one while Jason is an immature douchebag.  Peter is now a dorky restaurant owner.  Stads is whiny.  Samantha is so bland that it’s easy to forget that she’s on the show.  Neither the high school nor the principal have been seen since the pilot.  And Murray and Tracy are probably the only redeeming things about this show, if just because Brandon Brooks and Priscilla Inga Taylor really throw themselves into playing those ludicrous characters.

Next week …. oh, who cares?  It’ll be dumb whatever it is.

 

Music Video of the Day: Bobblehead Doll by The Folk Implosion (2024, dir by John Davis)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Me: “It’s about time someone wrote a song about those adorable bobblehead dolls!”

Smart Person: “Actually, Lisa, I think this song is about the mindless conformity of people who just nod along with whatever is happening in the world….”

Another Smart Person: “Or, it’s about the desire to live in a world where you can always be as happy and untroubled as the bobbleheads….”

Me: “Bobbleheads are so cute!  Remember when Angela gave Dwight a custom-made bobblehead on The Office and then Dwight threw it away after she wouldn’t choose between him and Andy?”

Smart Person: “Why would anyone choose Andy?”

Another Smart Person: “That was one of those Office stories that went on for too long.”

Me: “Indeed.”

Enjoy!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 2.23 “The Bargain”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, a woman gets more than she bargained for when she gives it all up for love.

Episode 2.23 “The Bargain”

(Dir by Tom Noonan, originally aired on May 27th, 1990)

Sarah (Kim Greist) is a lonely woman who owns a used bookstore and who is in love with the man who appears to be her only customer, Joe (Kevin Geer).  Joe is a TV repairman and he presents himself as being a typical blue collar guy, except for the fact that he’s always buying books of romantic poetry.  He claims that they’re for a friend.  Sarah recites a French poem for him.  “I don’t speak French,” Joe replies.

Sarah feels that she’s too shy and plain to ever catch Joe’s eye.  But then, while looking through an old magazine, she comes across an advertisement for a mask that will make all of her dreams come true.  On a lark, Sarah calls the number.  Soon, a horribly scarred woman named Carmen (Sharon Sharth) comes to the store.  Carmen gives Sarah a mask but she says that there’s a price.  First off, by putting on the mask, Sarah will be agreeing to give up all of her books to Carmen.  Secondly, Sarah must never remove the mask.  Sarah agrees.

The mask does make Sarah beautiful.  Now going by the name of Mandy, she turns her empty bookstore into a video store.  When Joe comes in, Mandy flirts with him but it turns out that Joe is angry about the bookstore going away and also, he was in love with Sarah.  Mandy protests that she is Sarah, just for Carmen to show up with Sarah’s old face.  Carmen has assumed Sarah’s identity and Joe is now in love with her.  Desperate to prove her actual identity, the real Sarah rips off her mask, leaving her face just as disfigured as Carmen’s used to be.

As Sarah cries, Carmen tells her that the only she can ever fix her face is by selling the mask to someone else….

Featuring three strong performances and a storyline that’s a bit more nuanced than usual for this show, this is a pretty good episode of Monsters.  Interestingly enough, it was directed by actor Tom Noonan, who has played a number of villains over the course of his career, including the memorable killer from Manhunter, in which he co-starred with Kim Greist.  (Kevin Geer actually looks enough like Noonan that, at first, I thought Tom Noonan was pulling double duty as both director and star.)  Noonan directs the episode like a particularly fast-paced play, emphasizing character and location over easy shocks.  Not only do the characters seem real but so does Sarah’s beloved bookstore.  The twist at the end is effective, even if it is a bit predictable.

Next week, we finish up season 2 of Monsters!

 

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.6 “Chef’s Special/Beginning Anew/Kleinschmidt”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Set sail for adventure, your mind on a new romance!

Episode 5.6 “Chef’s Special/Beginning Anew/Kleinschmidt”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on October 7th, 1981)

As the passengers board the boat and prepare to set sail, Isaac and Vicki can’t help but notice Gertrude Turner (Trish Noble) and Kurt Kleinschmidt (Siegfried van Kapelhoff).  Gertrude is rich, single, and wearing a very valuable ring.  Kleinschmidt is a German insurance agent who Gertrude has hired to guard her jewelry, though she later reveals that she’s not really that worried about her jewels but instead, she just enjoys Kleinschmidt’s company.

“That man looks just like Doctor Bricker!” Isaac says.

And yes, it must be said that, despite his thick German accent, Siegfried van Kapelhoff, the actor playing Kleinschmidt, does indeed look a lot like Bernie Kopell, the actor who played Doc Bricker.  They’re both tall, thin, in their early 40s, and they even have the same hair color and bone structure.  What are the chances of that happening?  I mean, seriously….

Wait a minute….

THAT’S NOT SIEGFRIED VAN KAPELHOFF AT ALL!

Just as Gavin MacLeod used to do whenever one of Stubing’s brothers boarded the boat, this episode finds Bernie Kopell playing two roles.  Not only does he play Doc Bricker but he also play Kleinschmidt.  And yes, there is a scene where Kleinschmidt talks to Doc Bricker.  It’s done via split screen and it’s not at all convincing.  Bricker doesn’t even appear to be looking at Kleinschmidt while talking to him.

Gertrude’s ring does vanish at one point, which leads to Kleinschmidt interrogating the crew and eventually attempting to arrest Gopher.  Of course, the truth of the matter is that Gertrude herself hid the ring so that Kleinschmidt would stay on the boat with her.  (Kleinschmidt, feeling insecure about his detective abilities, was originally planning on flying home as soon as the boat docked in Mexico.)  When Stubing learns that Gertrude faked the robbery, he is surprisingly understanding, despite the fact that doing so led to Kleinschmidt harassing his entire crew.  I’m not sure that I really bought Stubing’s reaction but maybe he just thought Kleinschmidt was Doc in disguise.

The Kleinschmidt story was far more amusing than it really had any right being.  That was almost totally due to Bernie Kopell, who seemed to really enjoy the chance to play such an over-the-top character.  Kleinschmidt was definitely a bit cartoonish but Kopell’s likability went a long way towards making the character’s stupidity not just tolerable but also kind of sweet.

While all that’s going on, the Love Boat’s chef (Jay Johnson) gets upset when a new chef (Leslie Easterbrook) is hired to work in the kitchen with him.  This storyline requires the audience to believe that 1) no one would bother to warn the original chef that he’s getting a new colleague and 2) that the new chef would risk ruining her reputation just to avoid hurting her predecessor’s feelings.  The less said about this story the better.

Finally, Jenny Langley (Joan Fontaine) boards the cruise and is stunned to see that her former lover, Stan Ellis (Richard Basehart), is on the boat.  Jenny and Stan haven’t seen each other since the end of World War II.  Now, Stan is a widower who has been in a wheelchair ever since the car accident that killed his wife.  Jenny tries to help Stan come out of his shell and find the courage to embrace life.  Stan is resistant but finally comes around.  But when Stan asks Jenny to marry him, Jenny refuses.  Jenny is going blind.  Stan, however, doesn’t care about that.  And, also …. Stan can walk!  It turns out that his paralysis was just psychosomatic.

This storyline was one that I probably would have liked better if I hadn’t found myself thinking about my Dad whenever Stan was onscreen.  (Before he died, my Dad was also in a wheelchair as the result of a traffic accident.)  I will say that Joan Fontaine is wonderful in her role.  This storyline was handled well but right now, the pain of losing my Dad is still too fresh for me to have really enjoyed it.  That said, Fontaine and Basehart were old pros at this type of melodrama and this storyline had a lot to offer fans of old school romance.  This was definitely a storyline for the TCM crowd and I mean that as a compliment!

With two stories that worked and a third one that wasn’t too much of a distraction, this was a worthwhile cruise.

 

Song of the Day: Under the Eye of the Electric Storm by Depth Charge (RIP, J. Saul Kane)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today’s song of the day is in tribute to Jonathan Saul Kane, who died earlier this month at the age of 55.  This British DJ was also known as Depth Charge and The Octagon Man and he is one of the many people who have been credited, over the years, as being the inventor of both trip hop and big beat.  Along with founding several key independent record labels, Kane was also sampling Kung Fu movies before it was cool.  In fact, as one of the founders Made In Hong Kong, Kane played a key role in introducing Hong Kong action to the west.

As for today’s song of the day, Under The Eye Of The Electric Storm was first released in 1991.

RIP, J. Saul Kane.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 2.19 “The Eighth Seal”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Mitch gets possessed!

Episode 2.19 “The Eighth Seal”

(Dir by Jon Cassar, originally aired on April 26th, 1997)

Twice, Mitch saves a young girl named Jenny (Esme Ganz) from jumping off a bridge.  When Mitch discovers the Jenny’s adoptive parents don’t seem to care whether she lives or dies, he brings her back to his house and lets her stay the night while he tries to figure out what to do about her.

What Mitch doesn’t know is that Jenny is possessed by a demon named Teddy.  When Mitch does discover that Jenny is housing a denizen of the damned, he does the worst possible thing that one can do in that situation.  He pulls a Karras and allows the demon to enter him.  Now, Mitch is possessed.  Can Daimont and Ryan get the demon out of Mitch or will Mitch have to run in front of truck in order to knock Teddy out of him?

Believe it or not, Mitch does the latter.  He runs in front of a truck!  The truck hits him and sends Mitch falling backwards.  Mitch is out cold.  While Ryan and Daimont try to revive him, Mitch’s spirit is visited by Stephanie Holden (Alexandra Paul).  Though this was Stephanie’s first (and only) appearance on Baywatch Nights, she was a prominent member of the Baywatch ensemble for several seasons.  Her character, who was always implied to have feelings for Mitch, was eventually killed off.  Stephanie’s spirit appears and yes, she is wearing the red Baywatch swimsuit.  And while it’s actually a pretty sweet scene as Stephanie tells Mitch that it’s not his time to die, it’s hard not to smile at the fact that Stephanie is apparently still a lifeguard in the afterlife.  It’s like she went to Heaven and said, “Give me the reddest and tightest one-piece that you have.”

Things end happily.  Mitch is no longer possessed.  Jenny is no longer possessed.  Jenny’s adoptive parents are consumed in Hellfire but that’s okay because they sucked.  And, for once, the viewer is happy as well because this is actually a pretty good episode of Baywatch Nights.  Seriously, you have not lived until you’ve seen David Hasselhoff pretend to be possessed by a demon.  Beyond that, though, his reunion with Stephanie was actually pretty poignant, red swimsuit and all.  If nothing else, it gave Mitch a chance to say goodbye to Stephanie, which was something he never really got to do in Baywatch.

Speaking of Baywatch, do you think Mitch went to his day job and told all the lifeguards, “Hey, you won’t believe what happened to me this weekend!”  Probably not.  I don’t know if I’d want to work with someone who had a history of getting possessed by demons.  That may just be me, though.

 

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.18 “Sitting Duck/Sweet Suzi Swann”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

Smiles, everyone!

Episode 5.18 “Sitting Duck/Sweet Suzi Swann”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on March 6th, 1982)

Once again, Julie is not involved in either of this week’s fantasies.  At the start of the episode, Roarke tells Tattoo that Julie has been trying to help a guest whose fantasy was to introduce “women’s lib” to cavemen.  A woman then runs by while being chased by a caveman.  Apparently, the fantasy did not go well.  I’m a bit worried that Julie might lose her job because none of the fantasies that she’s involved with ever seem to go well.

As for this week’s guests, Chuck Conners shows up as Frank Barton.  Barton is a big-game hunter.  He has hunted and conquered almost every type of animal.  Now, he wants to hunt the most dangerous animal of all …. okay, okay, you’ve heard all this before.  This is not the first time that Fantasy Island has looked to The Most Dangerous Game for inspiration.  However, this is the first time that the show has featured a hunter who specifically wants to stalk Mr. Roarke.

It’s a bit of an odd fantasy, though.  Frank doesn’t want to chase Mr. Roarke through the forest or anything like that.  Instead, Frank just wants to plant booby traps around the Island.  If Mr. Roarke survives 24 hours, he’ll be fee to set a few traps of his own.  Roarke agrees, explaining to Tattoo that, if Frank doesn’t come after him then he’ll go after someone else.  Roarke is doing the world a favor by distracting Frank.

Frank tries, he really does.  He tries poison.  He tries explosives.  Even though Mr. Roarke agrees not to use any of his “special powers,” he always manages to stay a step or two ahead of Frank.  Finally, Frank kidnaps Tattoo and that’s when Mr. Roarke says enough of this.  If you’ve ever wanted to see Mr. Roarke beat up a guest, this is the episode for you.  Frank ends up leaving the Island in the custody of two burly men who are apparently going to check him into a mental hospital.  Frank got his fantasy but it didn’t turn out well for him.  At least he wasn’t trying to reason with cavemen….

Meanwhile, Suzi Swann (Helen Reddy) comes to the Island with her boss, fashion designer Jack Becker (George Maharis).  Suzi is in love with Jack but Jack takes her for granted.  Suzi’s fantasy is to fall out of love with him and …. wait a minute!  Didn’t Helen Reddy sing “I am Woman?”  Why is the show wasting her time with this fantasy when they could have cast her as the guest who wanted to teach the cavemen about equality?  If they had done that, Julie could have worked with Helen Reddy and Roarke and Tattoo would have been free to concentrate on Frank and his homicidal fantasy!  I mean, I think it was a mistake to give Roarke two assistants for this season but if you’re going to have Julie around, at least let her take part in one of the main fantasies….

Oh well.  Let’s get back to the fantasy that actually did happen.

Roarke gives Suzi some magic gumdrops that were apparently made with special Fantasy Island berries.  The gumdrops make Suzi feel the opposite of whatever she previously felt.  She takes one and immediately announced that she doesn’t like either Roarke or Tattoo.  “You’re short!” Suzi says to Tattoo which …. ugh.  That’s a terrible line, considering that the show has previously always treated Tattoo’s height with a good deal of sensitivity.

Suzi is no longer in love with Jack and instead, she finds herself attracted to the mysterious Claude Duvalle (James Darren).  But the fact that she is no longer willing to be Jack’s doormat leads to Jack realizing that he failed to appreciate her.  Jack falls in love with Suzi and Suzi falls back in love with Jack.

As Suzi and Jack leave together, Tattoo suggests that Rorake failed to give Suzi her fantasy.  Roarke explains that Suzi fell out of love with the old Jack but then she fell in love with the new Jack so actually, he totally succeeded.  Uhm….whatever you say, Mr. Roarke.

Roarke then takes a magic gumball and tells Tattoo, “I don’t like you.”

AGCK!  But actually, the gumball makes its user for the opposite of what they actually feel so Mr. Roarke actually does like Tattoo!  Awwww!  I’m glad that’s cleared up.

I enjoyed this episode.  Much like last week’s episode it felt like a throwback to the first two seasons of Fantasy Island.  Neither fantasy really made much sense but both Roarke and Tattoo got to do a lot and that really made all the difference.  Fantasy Island always works best when Roarke and Tattoo are more than just bystanders.