With today’s music video of the day, we wish a happy birthday to the one and only Tom Hanks!
Enjoy!
Author Archives: Lisa Marie Bowman
Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.10 “Cranked Up”
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.
This week, Chris nearly gets everyone killed …. again!
Episode 2.10 “Cranked Up”
(Dir by Corey Michael Eubanks, originally aired on November 3rd, 1996)
The bike cops are taking part in an “eco-relay,” (which I guess is a bicycle race) through the mountains surrounding Santa Monica. Upon arriving at the park, Chris and Corey spot two rednecks on ATVs.
“Those are illegal in state parks!” Chris says.
And you’re off-duty, Chris. Seriously, Chris is the most annoying character on this show and that’s kind of amazing when you consider the competition.
Anyway, during the race, Chris spots a meth lab that is being run by those ATV-riding rednecks. Even though she’s off-duty, doesn’t have a radio, and doesn’t have any way to bring in any backup, she still decides to take down the meth lab herself. Instead, she gets captured by the rednecks and their girlfriend, Mary Lou (Maddie Corman). Mary Lou lights a cigarette and Chris yells at her about it. I’m surprised that they didn’t just give Chris back after having to spend ten minutes with her.
The other bike cops go to search for Chris. Chris manages to escape on her own but, when she reaches the other bike cops, she explains that the meth lab could have “crank” out on the street by nightfall. The cops — who are ALL off-duty — decide to take down the lab without bothering to call for back-up. (Seriously, they could have just called the real police from the finish line.) The end result is that Cory gets shot (but, luckily, doesn’t die) and all the other cops get captured, including Chris for a second time. Luckily, Lt. Palermo shows up and rescues everyone. They don’t win the race but they do take out a meth lab. Of course, they could have easily won the race and then called the real cop to take out the meth lab afterwards and, as an extra bonus, Cory wouldn’t have gotten shot.
This was a Chris-centric episode, which means that the majority of the episode was divided between Chris bragging about being a badass and Chris complaining about situations that wouldn’t have happened if she wasn’t so freaking incompetent. This would have been a fun episode CHiPs but, with Pacific Blue, it’s just another reminder that bicyclists are worthless.
One final note: Maddie Corman is the wife of former actor and director Jace Alexander who, in 2015, was arrested for possession and distribution of child pornography. Corman did not divorce her husband but instead turned the experience of being married to pedophile into a one-woman off-Broadway play and even did a tour of all the morning shows promoting it. I don’t blame her for her husband’s crimes and I can totally buy her claim that she didn’t know anything about what was on his computer until the police showed up but, still, to then use those crimes to promote herself …. that’s always struck me as being more than a little icky.
Song of the Day: Why? by Herve Villechaize
Since I just reviewed the final Tattoo episode of Fantasy Island, let’s say goodbye with today’s song of the day.
In 1981, at the height of Fantasy Island’s popularity, Villechaize released a song called “Why?” It’s all about trying to understand why people have to fight and why people cannot just accept the wisdom of peace-loving children. The video at the top of this post was recorded for a TV show on which Villechaize appeared. Unfortunately, I don’t know which show it was for and the video upload itself is not the best quality. Apparently, the split-screen visual effect that gives us two Herves singing at once was a part of the show.
That said, why do we always have to fight?
Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 6.22 “Love Island/The Sisters”
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites. Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.
Today, the sixth season of Fantasy Island comes to a close and so does Tattoo’s time on the show.
Episode 6.22 “Love Island/The Sisters”
(Dir by Philip Leacock, originally aired on May 14th, 1983)
This is it. This is not only the finale of season 6 but it’s also the final episode to feature Tattoo as Mr. Roarke’s assistant.
Why did Herve Villechaize leave Fantasy Island after the end of the sixth season? The story that you always hear is that Villechaize wanted more money to continue working on the show. He felt that he deserved to be paid as much as Ricardo Montalban. The show’s producers disagreed. To them, Montalban was not only the star of the show but also someone who has just appeared in a hit movie, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn. They felt that they could keep the show going without Villechaize and …. well, it turns out they were totally and completely wrong about that.
I have not seen much of the seventh season, in which Villechaize was replaced by Christopher Hewett. And, due to the vagaries of my DVR, there’s a lot of season 7 that I won’t be able to review. What I do know is that the show went from being #39 to bring ranked #47 in the ratings after Villechaize left. Obviously, being the 39th ranked show was nothing to brag about but it was still a helluva lot better than #47. Villechaize left and a lot of the audience left with him.
I’ve made a lot of jokes about Roarke and Tattoo’s relationship. Especially during the early seasons, Roarke and Tattoo sometimes did seem to be friendly rivals. (That was when Roarke was a far more enigmatic fellow and Tattoo always seemed to be trying to figure out a way to make some extra money on Fantasy Island.) Remember when Tattoo ran against Mr. Roarke in an Island election? That said, Roarke and Tattoo’s relationship really was the heart of the series. The fantasies themselves were often forgettable. How many times can you get excited about seeing a member of the Brady Bunch as a guest star? The thing that people really remember about Fantasy Island is the relationship between Roarke and Tattoo. Regardless of what went on behind the scenes, Montalban and Villechazie had a good on-camera chemistry. It was fun to watch them interact. I always enjoyed the episodes that allowed Villechaize to reveal Tattoo’s sensitive side. (In real life, Villechaize was an advocate for abused children, often taking the time to personally visit with children who had been rescued from abusive households.)
This is all my long-winded way of saying that they should have just agreed to pay Herve Villechaize more money.
At the very least, they should have given him a proper goodbye episode. The sixth season ends with a rather basic episode, with no mention made of Tattoo leaving or even thinking of leaving. Instead, we get Maureen McCormick going to a mysterious mansion to rescue her old sister (Britt Ekland) from an abusive man (played by Peter Mark Richman). And then we get Bob Denver and Paul Kreppel as two wannabe womanizers who end up in prehistoric times, trying to romance a cavewoman while dealing with dinosaurs. The dinosaur effects were cheap but likable but they were also the only thing that really made either of their fantasies stand-out.
And so, season 6 ends, not with a bang but a whimper. Tattoo waves goodbye one last time. I’m going to miss him.
4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Wally Pfister Edition
4 Or More Shots From 4 Or More Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!
Today, the Shattered Lens wishes a happy birthday to cinematographer Wally Pfister! It’s time for….
4 Shots From 4 Wally Pfister Films
Memento (2000, dir by Christopher Nolan, DP: Walyl Pfister)
Insomnia (2002, dir by Christopher Nolan, DP: Wally Pfister)
The Prestige (2006, dir by Christopher Nolan, DP: Wally Pfister)
Inception (2010, dir by Christopher Nolan, DP: Wally Pfister)
Late Night Retro Television Review: ChiPs 4.2 “Sick Leave”
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!
This week, death comes to California.
Episode 4.2 “Sick Leave”
(Dir by John Florea, originally aired on September 28th, 1980)
Andy (Robert Viharo) is a veteran member of the highway patrol who, when he’s not chasing down bad guys, is a student at the the local college. He wants to become an archeologist and go to Peru. Unfortunately, Andy has a brain lesion and may not get the chance. His behavior is erratic. His vision is failing. He refuses to admit that there’s anything wrong. Can Ponch and Jon get him off the street before he gets someone killed? Andy says that if he wants to die, he wants to go out saving someone’s life and not sitting behind a desk. An escalating fraternity prank war makes Andy’s dream come true. The theft of a fraternity’s prized bird sculpture leads to a high-speed chase and several overturned cars. Andy manages to save a young woman from a crashed car but, when the car explodes, he ends up with a hunk of shrapnel sticking out of his back. Ouch! He dies in Baker’s arms. If Ponch had been the one holding him, one can only assume that Andy would have been magically healed by the power of Estrada.
This is the rare episode of CHiPs in which someone dies. In fact, I think this is only the third episode in which a traffic accident has led to a fatality. It happened once during the pilot. During the second season, several people were killed in a multi-car pileup. For the most part, though, CHiPs features people who somehow manage to survive the most horrendous of crashes. Andy is killed by a sharp hunk of metal but, the show suggests, he would have died anyway from the brain lesions.
Along with a rare death, this episode featured a lot of slo mo of doom. At the start of the episode, Andy’s reckless driving causes Ponch to crash his motorcycle and we get to watch Erik Estrada’s stunt double fly through the air in slow motion. Later, when Andy runs away from the exploding car, the entire scene is in slow motion. It works. There’s a reason why slow motion is so overused. It’s incredibly effective.
Overall, this episode had good intentions but a somewhat shaky execution. Robert Viharo went so overboard with his performance that you couldn’t help but wonder why Ponch and Baker were the only ones who noticed that Andy obviously wasn’t doing well. Not even Sgt. Getraer seems to notice! The main problem is that silly scenes of the fraternity prank war (one fraternity even rents a helicopter!) were mixed with scenes of Andy’s mind literally shutting down as we watched. Tonally, this episode was a mishmash. CHiPs, with its bass-heavy theme and Erik Estrada’s blinding smile, might not have been the right place to try to pull off a heart-rending drama.
Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 4.10 “Love At First Sight”
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show can be purchased on Prime!
This week, as the drug epidemic rages out of control, Sonny searches for a serial killer.
Episode 4.10 “Love At First Sight”
(Dir by Don Johnson, originally aired on January 15th, 1988)
What the Hell, Miami Vice?
Seriously, remember when this show was about Crockett and Tubbs going after drug dealers while Phil Collins played in the background? Season 4 feels like a completely different show.
This week’s episode finds Sonny going undercover (*massive eye roll as Sonny does his, “My name is Sonny Burnett” routine for the thousandth time*) and joining a video dating service. The plan is for Sonny to bust prostitutes but instead, he finds himself as the latest client to be targeted by a serial killer.
Sonny goes on dates, never knowing if the woman he’s with is a killer. One woman approaches him with something behind her back. Is it a knife? No, it’s a vibrator! “I can see the headlines now — Undercover cop slugs woman after assault with a sex toy!” Sonny says while wearing a yellow sweater and having a nice grapefruit breakfast at his mansion.
Meanwhile, cocaine is flooding Miami, the crack epidemic is spiraling out of control, there are communist taking over Central America, Fidel Castro is still alive, there’s a lot of going on out there and apparently it’s being ignored so Sonny can be used as serial killer bait — hey Vice Squad, why don’t you let the homicide detective deal with the murders while you get back to what you’re supposed to be doing?
Caitlin, Sonny’s wife, worries. Oh, how she worries. Her best friend tells her that she’s knew what she was getting into when she married a cop. If Sonny is trying to maintain his undercover identity, should Caitlin be telling people that she married a cop? Shouldn’t she be like, “I’m married to drug dealer! His name’s Burnett and he just looks like that guy who used to play college football?” That Sheena Easton was not a professional actress is pretty obvious in this episode. When she previously appeared, she was a singer playing a singer and that brought some authenticity to her performance. Now, she’s having to pretend to be the worried wife of a cop and her acting limitations are much more easier to see.
The killer is eventually revealed to be a woman (played by David Bowie’s future wife, Iman) with multiple personalities. When she feels threatened, she turns into her brother and uses a knife to castrate the men from the dating service. Will Sonny survive? Yes, he does.
Don Johnson directed this episode and usually, when a cast member directs an episode of their show, their character tends to take a background role so they can concentrate on directing. Not our Don! This episode is so much about Sonny that the rest of the Vice Squad is barely in it.
This episode really made me miss the subtlety of Brian Dennehy playing a televangelist or James Brown kidnapping people for aliens. Get it together, Miami!
Monday Live Tweet Alert: Join Us for Lethal Tender!
As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in hosting a few weekly live tweets on twitter and occasion ally Mastodon. I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of Mastodon’s #MondayActionMovie! Every week, we get together. We watch a movie. We snark our way through it.
Tonight, for #MondayActionMovie, the film will be 1996’s Lethal Tender!
It should make for a night of fun viewing and I invite all of you to join in. If you want to join the live tweets, just hop onto Mastodon, pull up Lethal Tender on YouTube, start the movie at 8 pm et, and use the #MondayActionMovie hashtag!
Enjoy!
Song of the Day: Daybreak by Robin Carolan
Scene That I Love: Janet Leigh and Pat Hitchcock in Psycho
Yesterday was Janet Leigh’s birthday and today is Pat Hitchcock’s birthday so it seems appropriate that today’s scene that I love should feature both of them. From 1960’s Psycho, this scene features Leigh and Hitchcock as office co-workers who meet the very wealthy Mr. Lowry (played by Frank Albertson).
“He was flirting with you. He must have seen my wedding ring,” remains one of the greatest lines ever written.
Through the Shattered Lens 