Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 3.17 “Leavings”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, Monsters makes even less sense than usual.

Episode 3.17 “Leavings”

(Dir by John Tillinger, originally aired on January 20th, 19991)

Two cops (played by Tony Shalhoub and John Christopher Jones) are concerned about something that they’ve noticed on the streets.  Homeless people who are missing limbs are showing up.  The cops know that the homeless people had all their limbs just a few days ago but now, they’re gone.  There’s no sign of surgery or any sort of trauma.  The limbs are just disappearing apparently.  Meanwhile, there’s some new homeless guy wandering around who appears to be made out of limbs that don’t really seem to go together.

They go to their boss (Clifton James) with this concerns.  Their boss tells them not to worry about it.  However, the cops continue to worry about it.  This leads to their boss revealing the truth of what’s happening.  It turns out that their boss has been stealing body parts and building new people for years.  He’s trying to create a policeman who will be loyal and who won’t ask questions.  (We only see one of these constructed cops in the show.  He wears a jacket that identifies him as being Officer S. Partz.)  The boss then kills the two cops because they’ve seen too much.

This was a weird episode.  How exactly did their boss learn how to remove body parts without leaving any sort of obvious signs of trauma?  How did he learn how to bring his constructed people to life?  How did …. well, it just doesn’t make any sense.  It’s true that a 30-minuet anthology show doesn’t necessarily have to make perfect sense but this episode really does stretch things a bit too far.  The three actors all give good performances but, otherwise, this episode just falls a bit flat.

Song of the Day: Do It To Me (Once More) by Riz Ortolani


The House on the Edge of the Park (1980, dir by Ruggero Deodato)

Today’s song of the day is a deathless little disco song that comes from the soundtrack of Ruggero Deodato‘s legendarily tacky film, The House On The Edge Of The Park.  This was one of many songs composed by Riz Ortolani, the John Williams of Italian exploitation cinema.

SHANE (The TV Series) – Episode 15: “The Great Invasion – Part 1” (originally aired December 17th, 1966)


Episode 15 opens with Shane (David Carradine) at a hotel in Cheyenne, WY. He hears a ruckus in the next room where a guy named Jed (Charles Grodin) is holding court with a group of men and women. Jed, who has clearly been drinking way too much, is going on about the honor of serving with Captain William Quantrill. He asks Shane to have a drink with him and Shane declines. Offended by this, Jed challenges Shane only to get his ass thoroughly kicked in about 10 seconds flat. One of the men in the group recognizes Shane as the great gunfighter. Soon the men force Shane at gunpoint to go see their boss, Major George Hackett (Bradford Dillman). It seems Hackett is putting together a group of men for a project and offers Shane the large sum of $75 per week to join up. Sensing something bad, Shane turns down his offer and leaves. Shane is right to leave as we soon learn that Hackett’s “project” is to eliminate any homesteaders who are not a part of the Cattlemen’s Benevolent Association, a large outfit out of Chicago.

While in Cheyenne, Shane also runs into his old friend Longhorn Jenny (Constance Ford) who is in town selling a herd of cattle. She’s accompanied by her assistant Dan (Archie Moore). The two swap some old stories, with Shane even asking how she came across that herd of cattle. They seem to hint that she didn’t necessarily come across them legally. Shane says goodbye and starts the journey back to the ranch. Before leaving Cheyenne, he reads a story in the paper that specifically mentions Longhorn Jenny, implying that she’s a rustler. The story in the paper, which seems to back the Cattlemen’s Association, plus Major Hackett’s offer convinces Shane that something truly bad is on the way. When he gets back to the ranch, he tells Tom (Tom Tully), Marian (Jill Ireland) and a few other local homesteaders that he’s concerned that they may all be in danger. Unfortunately, everyone he speaks to in the valley about this situation, including cattleman Rufe Ryker (Bert Freed), think he’s overreacting and don’t seem concerned at all. Then Major Hackett and his men ride out to Jenny’s ranch, unveil their Gatling Gun and proceed to kill Jenny and Dan, ultimately hanging her at the gate with a sign that says “Rustler.” Even after Jenny is killed, no one in the valley will listen to Shane and prepare to defend themselves. Marian tells Shane that she’ll prepare to defend their ranch, but she is not leaving. Not knowing what to do to keep those he loves safe, Shane heads back to Cheyenne and accepts Hackett’s offer to work for him. Credits roll for the end of Part 1.  

A lot happens in the “The Great Invasion: Part 1.” All the main people are introduced, with Hackett and his plan coming into light. We also spend an inordinate amount of time with Longhorn Jenny as we meet her, learn about her and ultimately see her die. This being the first part of a two part episode, I’ll withhold my larger analysis for the next review, but I am looking forward to seeing where the story goes. I find the characters quite interesting. Bradford Dillman comes off as very odd and extremely dangerous as Major Hackett, a man who seems to relish the opportunity to use his Gatling Gun. Charles Grodin’s Jed appears to be your typical loudmouth killer at this point, but it will be interesting to see what happens to him. And I’m looking forward to seeing what Shane does to stop the madness before it takes out the people in their valley. There’s no way they can compete with Hackett’s Gatling Gun, so Shane will have to figure out a way to stop things from within. 

There were a few other interesting things I noted while watching this episode. First, when Shane is heading back to the ranch from Cheyenne, we see the Grand Teton Mountain range behind him for the first time in the series. If you remember, the Tetons are prominently featured in the classic 1953 film SHANE, and it was cool seeing them here. Second, Shane goes on a rant to Marian at one point about how newspapers spin the facts in a way that distorts the truth. Just in case anyone thought that a dishonest media was only a current issue, this should lay that theory to rest. And finally, Marian Starett flat out asks Shane why he continues to stay at the ranch. She’s clearly wanting to know if it’s for her. Once again he won’t give her the satisfaction of confirming her thoughts, and it appears that his reluctance to be honest with her is starting to wear thin. Couple that with a crying Joey who doesn’t understand why Shane left and the interpersonal emotions are running high as the episode fades out. I’m all in for seeing how it plays out. 

Shadows of Death (1945, directed by Sam Newfield)


After a railroad agent is murdered and his map of the future locations of the railroad is stolen, Billy Carson (Buster Crabbe) rides into a frontier town and searches for the guilty party.  Fortunately, for Billy, his best Fuzzy Q. Jones is the mayor, the sheriff, and the town barber!  Unfortunately, local gunslinger Clay Kincaid (Eddie Hall) wants to make a name for himself by taking on the famous Billy Carson.  Corrupt businessman Landreau (Charles King) encourages Clay by lying to him and telling him that Bully is planning on stealing Clay’s girl, Babs (Dona Dax).

A standard Poverty Row western, Shadows of Death was made by the same crew and cast who were involved with most of Buster Crabbe’s Billy The Kid films.  I’m not sure if Billy Carson is meant to be the same character as Billy the Kid, though.  Billy the Kid always had bounty hunters after him but Billy Carson works for the railroad.  However, it would be strange if Fuzzy Q. Jones just happened to be the favored sidekick of two gunslingers who just happen to both be named Billy.  Along with Fuzzy’s vaudeville style comedy, one thing that audiences could always take for granted was that Charles King would play the villain in these movies and Frank Ellis would always be his henchman.  I always wonder if audiences in the 40s noticed that Charles King’s businessman and Frank Ellis’s gunslinger always returned from the dead with every B-western that came out.

My favorite scene in this one is Billy bursting into Landreau’s office, just for Landreau to say that he expects visitors to knock.  Billy pauses long enough to knock on the door before getting down to the business of frontier justice.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.27 “April in Boston/Saving Grace/Breaks of Life”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Charo’s back!

Episode 5.27 “April in Boston/Saving Grace/Breaks of Life”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on May 1st, 1982)

April Lopez (Charo) is back!  This time, she has given up show business and is now working as a Spanish tutor for stuffy private school headmaster Bradford York (David Hedison).  She is falling for Bradford but she knows that he would never accept her as an entertainer.  Or would he?  We’re about to find out because the entertainment that Julie booked, probably while in a cocaine-fueled haze, fails to show up.  Would April be willing to perform?

April sings “Let’s get physical, physical,” in the ship’s lounge but when Bradford stops by to get a drink, April covers her face with a mask.  “If I sang like that,” Bradford says, “I’d wear a mask too….”

And that really gets to the main problem with this story.  Bradford York is jerk!  Seriously, I know why some people find Charo to be annoying and I do think The Love Boat tended to overuse the character but she deserves a lot better than Bradford York!  Eventually, of course, Bradford leans that April is the singer and he tells her that he loves her in Spanish.  (He has to ask April how to say it first.)  So, I guess it’s a happy ending  but we all know that April’s going to be single again once the sixth season starts.

As for the other storylines, Gwen (Jayne Meadows) and George Finley (Gene Rayburn) are a divorced couple who end up in the ship’s infirmary together.  We’ve never seen the infirmary before and I assume we’ll never see it again.  The two of them fall in love all over again.  It tuns out Gwen was just faking her injury so she could be with George.  It seems like Doc Bricker should have noticed that.

Finally, Grace Bostwick (Jane Powell) is a widow who is prevented from jumping overboard by Gabriel (Hugh O’Brian).  Gabriel says he’s angel, sent from Heaven to help Grace move on from her grief.  It turns out that he’s not.  He’s just someone who knew Grace was suicidal and figured he would have to come up with something dramatic to keep her from plunging into the ocean.  Everyone on the boat acts as if this makes total sense.  Grace is very forgiving.  Never has one lie been responsible for so much love.

What a weird episode.  A man pretended to be an angel, Charo performed while wearing a mask, and the ship has an infirmary!  Weird as it was, the episode kept me entertained.  I’ve always liked Charo’s mix of sincerity and flamboyance.  That said, she deserves better than Bradford York.  The angel storyline was problematic for all sorts of reasons but at least Jane Powell and Hugh O’Brian gave good performances.  They almost sold it.  Almost.

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Ruggero Deodato Edition


4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

Today would have been the 86th birthday of the great Italian director, Ruggero Deodato!  And that, of course, means that it’s time for….

4 Shots From 4 Films

Live Like A Cop, Die Like A Man (1976, dir by Ruggero Deodato, DP: Guglielmo Mancori)

The House On The Edge of the Park (1980, dir by Ruggero Deodato, DP: Sergio D’Offizi)

Raiders of Atlantis (1983, dir by Ruggero Deodato, DP: Robert D’Ettore Piazzoli)

Body Count (1986, dir by Ruggero Deodato, DP: Emilio Loffredo)

Scenes That I Love: The First Two Minutes of Fast Times At Ridgemont High


Today, the Shattered Lens wishes a happy birthday to director Amy Heckerling!

Today’s scene that I love comes from Amy Heckerling’s feature debut, 1982’s Fast Times At Ridgemont High.  In just two minutes, Heckerling introduces us to almost all of the major characters, establishes the mall as the center of Ridgemont High culture, and leaves us with little doubt that we’ve entered a time machine and found ourselves in the 80s.  Look at all the future stars.  Look at Mike Damone, future mobster.  My heart always breaks for Stacy and her brother Brad.  They have no idea what’s waiting for them this year.

Here is today’s scene that I love: