When I recommended AMC’s Interview With the Vampire to my cousin, she watched the final episode of Season 2 in reverse, despite having read the novels numerous times. She doesn’t handle anxiety when it comes to stories very well, and as such, she never reads a book or watches anything unless she can know the ending in advance. Watching her view a film for the first time is like tossing a person into a room with whatever they fear. She gets squirmy, and asks tons of questions. Whenever I watch a new movie, I tell her everything about it, scene for scene (which is partially how I got into writing about movies). On the one hand, you could argue that knowing ruins all the surprises. On the other, you’ve moviegoers that spoil movies online while they’re still in the theatre.
She’d be fine with the final trailer for Fede Alvarez’s Alien Romulus, which really does give too much of the story away. If you’re planning to go in blind this August, I wouldn’t recommend watching this. I love how they worked in Ripley’s “Lucky Star” song into this. It looks great, and anything’s a step up from Alien Covenant.
Note that this maybe a bit brief and off tangent. This may be one of the first reviews I’ve written for a film created well before my time. I won’t have as many movie references or personal anecdotes to add here.
I love the story of The Count of Monte Cristo. At the time of this writing, it can be found on both Amazon Prime and on Tubi.
Written in 1844 by Alexandre Dumas, it’s a tale of revenge and depending on which version you watch, there’s also a bit of redemption to it. Though it’s adapted numerous times on stage and screen, I’m familiar with 3 main movie versions. You have the modern 2002 version from Kevin Reynolds, starring Jim Caviezel, Henry Cavill and Guy Pearce. There’s the 1975 TV Movie (my personal favorite), directed by David Greene and starring Richard Chamberlain, Donald Pleasance, Tony Curtis and Kate Nelligan. And finally, we have the classic 1934 rendition, directed by Donald V. Lee and starring Robert Donat, Elissa Landi, Sidney Blackmer and Louis Calhern. Most audiences may know of the film from the references made of it in 2005’s V for Vendetta.
The Count of Monte Cristo is the story of Edmund Dantes (Robert Donat, The 39 Steps) , a sailor who has everything going for him. He’s the newly minted Captain of the Pharaon, a title bestowed to him after the original captain died during a voyage near the island of Elba. Before the original Captain passes, he gives Edmond a letter to be delivered to an individual who will make himself known. This promotion and the letter also draws the jealous eyes of the would be Captain Danglars (Raymond Walburn, Christmas in July). Edmond has the heart of the lovely Mercedes de Rosas (Elissa Landi, The Yellow Ticket), but not the affections of Mercedes’ Mother (Georgia Caine, Remember the Night), the Madame de Rosas. Together with Fernand Mondego (Sidney Blackmer, Rosemary’s Baby), they often try to convince Mercedes to find someone better.
During the party for his wedding, Edmond meets the letter’s recipient and makes the delivery. Shortly afterward, both this man and Edmond are arrested. We learn the man is the father of The King’s Magistrate, Renee de DeVillefort (Louis Calhern, Julius Caesar). Choosing to protect his father (now considered a Bonapartist), DeVillfort puts on the blame on Dantes. With Mondego and Danglars as co-conspirators, they send Dantes to the dreaded Chateau D’if, an Alcatraz-like prison on the sea. To make things worse, after Napoleon is defeated, Edmond’s captors list him as deceased and his name is struck from the prison record. Dantes spends nearly 15 years in the Chateau, falling out of everyone’s memory. During his time, he discovers and befriends the Abbe Faria (O.P. Heggie, Anne of Green Gables), another prisoner who teaches Dantes various topics of the world. The Abbe also shares the secret of the De Sparda Treasure, hidden away just off the island of Monte Cristo. Edmond eventually escapes the Chateau D’If, acquires the treasure and returns to the Paris as the mysterious Count of Monte Cristo.
The film has fine performances throughout, given the time frame. Donat’s Dantes is quite naive prior to the imprisonment, but as the Count, I felt he brought a lot of style and class to the character. It was much like watching an old serial of The Batman or The Shadow. Another major surprise (for me, anyway) was Sidney Blackmer as Mondego. I’ve only ever seen Blackmer as the old and strange Roman Castavet in Roman Polanski’s Rosemary Baby, so it was very interesting to see him in his prime. There’s a nice duel between Mondego and Dantes that showcased Blackmer’s athleticism as well as his acting. I also enjoyed Walburn’s Danglars, who felt like a weasel you’d find in a classic Disney animated film.
Visually, for a black and white film, there’s some good use of light and shadow here, particularly during the dimly lit scenes in the Chateau D’If and the face off between the Count and Mondego.
How Edmond chooses to face his enemies was interesting. A bit of scandal for one, greed for another and a full-on courtroom drama for a third. I thought the court case element was bit much, but given where the story was going, it made sense. Overall, The Count of Monte Cristo is a wonderful classic with great pacing throughout.
This short film clocks in at 1 minute and 10 seconds- TOTAL! When something is this brief, I have to give it a chance. Today, we are used to the comedy shorts on Youtube, but they’re jokes. They are not stories with a protagonist and a quest. This is not to diminish the talent of Youtubers because I try to do it myself and it is HARD!!! The ones who post a less than one minute joke or jokes that land are today’s Comedic greats – really!
I watched this with an open mind because if you can create a story with a beginning, middle, and end in under two minutes- you are a certified genius. This film was a “could’ve been” because unlike the director’s career, the film did NOT have an ending. This review is difficult for me because Ryan had talent, but couldn’t deliver.
The short had a regular guy who sees a drawer open in his home on its own; so he left the house. He leaves his house and the front door opens on its own power; so, he retreats to his car. In the car, his glovebox opens on its own and the film ends. I laughed a few times, but it is obvious that the film lacked an ending. Typically, this means that the creator was using this short for pitch meetings to get funding for a full-length story. “Nope” is a cautionary tale for creators because what you are proving to a prospective producer is that you likely do NOT have the creative talent to finish a story. Why would anyone want to invest in someone who can’t complete their own story? Why would you risk that the creator would follow through on a bigger budget?
If it is warranted, I relish excoriating a craptastic filmmaker, but I do NOT enjoy watching self-destruction. “Nope” is a great lesson on how not to succeed in film or any other profession.
As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on Twitter and Mastodon. I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie! Every week, we get together. We watch a movie. We tweet our way through it.
Tonight, at 10 pm et, we’ve got 1994’s Trancers 5!
If you want to join us this Friday, just hop onto twitter, start the movie at 10 pm et, and use the #FridayNightFlix hashtag! It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.
I don’t know who designed the poster for Bachelor Party. That name has been lost to history. And it’s not even that good of a movie, though it’s easy to understand why Tom Hanks would give up every other woman on Earth for the chance to marry Tawny Kitaen. But this poster has done more to establish my opinion of the ideal bachelor party than any of the real bachelor parties that I’ve ever attended. Bravo, unknown artist.
Slow an’ Easy was Whitesnake’s first big hit in the United States and the video, which featured the band, a car crash, and an act of strangulation, was Whitensake’s first big video on MTV. It’s certainly much darker than the video for Here I Go Again.
Slow an’ Easy, by the way, appeared on an album called Slide It In. Whitesnake was never particularly subtle but they still rocked.
Hello Beautiful and Intelligent readers, how do I know you’re so smart and beautiful? You’re reading my stuff!!! You know what’s not good- This short film. Like chlamydia at a Senor Frogs in Cancun, this short will stick with you in the worst way! He writes in his bio that he’s an “award-winning independent filmmaker”, but who is in charge of these awards?! Is it like a certificate of participation? Did they owe Faisal Hashmi money? Did Faisal Hashmi see them commit a brutal crime? Sadly, he kept making “films” after this waste of his iPhone memory, on the bright side, his career didn’t take off because- ya know, he sucks at this!
There are a many ways that this short doesn’t even deserve to be used to clean the bathroom floor at Port Authority on a Friday night, but the two that stick out the most to me are that –
The film makes no sense.
It’s boring!
But Case come on, you always say these sci-fi things don’t make sense, well most of the time I’m right! However, to really pull this piece of trash apart like it deserves, I have to go over the terrible story! It’s like Faisal Hashmi is out to hurt me in every way! Did he give me COVID? Where were you Faisal, December 2020??
The story- an office worker has a boring job, but every time he sneezes he blacks out and all of his work is done; purportedly, he travels in time like my Aunt does after Natural Light and Ambien. This is where the story doesn’t make sense. He doesn’t remember the time he lost. He just moves forward. Let’s just skip over the fact that this sort of time travel is impossible without Ambien. Of course, he abuses this “gift” and eventually becomes old. This is not how special relativity works, but I guess looking things up on Wikipedia is TOO MUNDANE for Faisal!
This brings me to my second issue with this film: it’s boring. I understand that being good at anything is hard, right Faisal? Faisal Hashmi, you’re probably terrible at a lot of things- Film is really just the only one we have a digital record of to prove it. Maybe you also suck at volleyball, buying groceries, or tying your shoes? I can’t speak for those other things, but you’re rebuttably presumed to be awful at those things too, but I’ll just stick to this 4 minute and 26 second slice of hell!
Every plot point was so predictable and obvious, it felt as if a short film became a flip book crap version of “Goodnight, Moon”. I hate you Faisal! You, Marcin Dubinek, and Alex Magana are a cabal of terrible art! You create the unholy trinity of film. I even tagged the horror box for this post because that’s what your film is, but not intentionally! Faisal, stop what you’re doing! Try real estate or work for Ticketmaster!
I did provide a link to this unholy thing, if you feel like slowing your life down and embracing death’s touch.
Something Boring This Way Comes!!!!
You should check out my twitter “x” for my other tweets and work (@casewrites).
For my money, he was the funniest man to ever tell a joke. People who worked with him said he was one of the nicest and most downright decent people they ever met.
And again, he was the funniest man who ever lived.
My favorite Bob Newhart joke was one he told on himself. After saying that he had starred in sitcoms entitled “The Bob Newhart Show,” “Bob Newhart Show,” “Newhart,” and “Bob,” Newhart said that his next show would simply be called “The.”
As I’ve mentioned here before, my Dad has been very ill over the last month and a half. Today, I learned that he will be going into hospice care. Needless to say, both myself and my sister Erin are coming to terms with this news and everything that it potentially represents. As a result, there may be days when it’s a bit quiet around here on the Shattered Lens. There may be some days when the site will not feature a new music video or a new pulp cover or a Retro Television review or a film review.
That does not mean the site is going away though. It just means that, whereas we previously updated on a daily basis, we may have to go for an every other day basis for a few weeks, at least until things get worked out around here. This has been a difficult year but I love this site more than ever. Family is always going to come first but I am in no way abandoning my love of writing about pop culture.
Thank you to all of our subscribers, readers, and commenters. The Shattered Lens, and all of its writers, will still be here even if some of us do occasionally have to take a personal day!
Through the Shattered Lens 