Music Video of the Day: Ex’s & Oh’s by Elle King (2014, dir by ????)

Posted on January 13, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

To a lot of people, this will always be known as the Lifetime song. That’s because Lifetime used to always play this song in their commercials and it always fit in perfectly with whatever melodramatic movie was being advertised. Like the best Lifetime films, Ex’s & Oh’s may sound dramatic but it’s actually very humorous and self-aware.

Just consider some of my favorite lyrics:

Well, I had me a boy, turned him into a man
I showed him all the things that he didn’t understand
Whoa, and then I let him go

Now, there’s one in California who’s been cursing my name
‘Cause I found me a better lover in the UK
Hey, hey, until I made my getaway

One, two, three, they gonna run back to me
‘Cause I’m the best baby that they never gotta keep
One, two, three, they gonna run back to me
They always wanna come, but they never wanna leave

Myself, I loved this song even before it became a Lifetime anthem. This is one of those songs that it’s fun to sing off-key to while you’re stuck on Central Expressway.

There’s actually two videos for this song. The video that I shared today is the first version and I like it the best because there’s zombie at the end!

Enjoy!

2017 In Review: 10 Good Things Lisa Marie Saw on Television in 2017

Posted on January 12, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

So, here I am.

I’m sitting here and I’m trying to make out my annual list of the good things that I saw on television last year and I just realized something.

I didn’t watch much TV last year. Oh, don’t get me wrong. The television was often on, in order to provide background noise. I’m not a huge fan of silence. But it was usually just tuned to something random. It was rare that I ever said, “Oh my God, I have to watch this.”

Oh well. Let’s see what I can come up with:

Twin Peaks: The Return. I already devoted an entire post to how much I loved Twin Peaks: The Return. But literally, this was probably the only show that I really looked forward to watching on a weekly basis. This was the only show that I thought about between episodes. And this is the only show that continues to haunt me now that it’s over.
The original Twin Peaks. The first two seasons of Twin Peaks are available on Netflix. Jeff, Leonard, and I spent a month watching and reviewing them. Twin Peaks was definitely responsible for some of the best things that appeared on this site last year.
The Finale of Bates Motel. This one of the best finales that I’ve ever seen. This show, which I think everyone expected to fail, instead became one of the best shows on television and it ended perfectly.
Degrassi. I’ve had some issue with the last few seasons of Degrassi but it’s still my favorite Canadian television show.
The Deuce. David Simon’s look at Times Square in the 70s may not have reached the level of The Wire but it was definitely better than Treme.
Episodes. Showtime’s Episodes was never a good show but it certainly was fun to hatewatch.
Veep. Even though this was definitely the show’s weakest season, Veep still provided some of the best political satire around.
That episode of South Park where Donald Trump dared the North Koreans to nuke Tweek’s home.
All of the shows on ID and Crime and Investigation Network. All of the true crime programming may be disturbing but it’s also undeniably addictive.
Chiller. Chiller shut down on December 31st. I’ll miss it.

And finally, the worst thing that I saw on television in 2017:

The Murder of Laci Peterson. This multi-party A&E documentary was an obvious attempt to 1) duplicate the success of O.J.: Made in America and 2) exonerate Scott Perterson for the murder of his pregnant wife, Laci. Laci’s name may have appeared in the title but she was mostly an afterthought as the majority of the show’s running time was devoted to Scott’s creepy sister and her attempts to spring him from prison. Heavy-handed, manipulative, and way too smug for its own good, the show did inspire a lot of people twitter to declare their belief in Scott’s innocence. (The show’s argument, by the way, was that Laci was murdered by a Satanic cult because, as one Modesto detective put it, Meth addicts are very superstitious.)

Tomorrow, our look back at 2017 continues with my picks for the best novels of 2017!

Previous entries in the TSL’s Look Back at 2017:

Artwork of the Day: Space Busters (by Allen Anderson)

Posted on January 12, 2018 by Dazzling Erin

by Allen Anderson

Music Video of the Day: Wannabe by The Spice Girls (1996, dir by Jhoan Camitz)

Posted on January 12, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Since today is Mel C’s birthday, I decided to go with a Spice Girls video for the video of the day.

Wannabe was the Spice Girls’s first video and, when it was released, it took only two hours for it to become the number one selected video on The Box, a British cable network. It stayed at number one for 13 weeks and it only fell from that spot because the Spice Girls released another video.

This video was directed by commercial director Jhoan Camitz. According to Wikipedia, this was his first music video. According to the imvdb, it was his third. Reportedly, he originally wanted to film the video at a hotel in Barcelona but, when he was denied permission, he instead filmed at the Midland Grand Hotel in St. Pancras, London.

The video was banned in some parts of Asia, because it was considered to be too provocative.

I’ve taking turns trying to convince nearly everyone here at the Shattered Lens to, at some point in the future, review Spice World. So far, everyone’s refused so I may to do it someday myself.

Enjoy!

TV Review: The X-Files 11.2 “This” (dir by Glen Morgan)

Posted on January 11, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

If nothing else, last night’s episode of The X-Files was definitely an improvement over the season premiere.

The whole thing started off with a bang, as a bunch of Russians showed up and tried to gun down Mulder and Scully. It turns out that apparently, the Executive Branch has hired a Russian agency to handle America’s secret intelligence work. The Russians can even give orders to the FBI. Yes, it’s all about Trump and I’m sure the Resistance loved it while the majority of MAGA probably wasn’t watching The X-Files to begin with. Speaking for myself, as a fairly nonpartisan reviewer, I stopped being shocked by Russian villains a long time ago. At this point, whenever a mobster or a mercenary shows up in a movie or TV show, I always expect to hear a Russian accent before they even open their mouth.

Anyway, as Skinner explains, the fact that the Executive Branch now hates the FBI is going to make it even more difficult for Mulder and Scully to do their thing. I’m not really sure how much I agree with Skinner on that, though. If there’s anything that quickly became apparent about these Russian mercenaries, it was just how totally inept they were at their job. They literally blew up Mulder and Scully’s apartment and yet, Mulder and Scully still escaped without a scratch. Later, another Russian assassin popped up and, even though he had the element of surprise on his side, he still couldn’t manage to hit either one of them. Part of me hopes that the Russian ineptness was deliberate on the part of the show. That would be the ultimate joke, wouldn’t it? The Russians aren’t even good at their job and they still managed to secretly take over the country.

When Mulder and Scully weren’t running from the Russians, they were dealing Langley, an old friend who, despite having been dead for 16 years, still kept appearing on Mulder’s phone and asking if Mulder was there. It turns out that Langley, like a lot of geniuses, arranged for his consciousness to be transported into a simulated world after his death. However, it turns out that the simulation is actually a prison where people like Steve Jobs are being used for slave labor.

It also turned out, of course, that Erika Price (the great Barbara Hershey) was the one behind both the Russians and the dead slave labor. She explained that every time you use an iPhone, a piece of your mind is scanned and stolen. When you think about it, that makes perfect sense.

Last night’s episode was all about paranoia, which is one reason why I enjoyed it. Admittedly, things did get off to a somewhat shaky start with the whole shoot out between Mulder, Scully, and the Russians, which was so haphazardly edited that I was worried I was going to get carsick just from watching it. But, after that, the episode became a deliberately paced mediation of darkness, death, and a paranoia. The extended sequence where Mulder and Scully explored the shadowy National Cemetery was brilliantly handled. As I watched, I was very much aware that there was undoubtedly a secret behind every tombstone.

That said, the main reason that last night’s episode worked was because of the playful chemistry between David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson. The main problem with the premiere — well, one of them — is that Duchovny and Anderson didn’t have many scenes together. Instead, Anderson spent almost the entire episode is the hospital while Duchovny spent his time driving through tobacco country. Last night, though, Duchovny and Anderson were together in nearly every scene and their banter was the best thing about the show.

As I watched last night’s episode, I was able to understand why so many people love The X-Files. It’s not the conspiracies. It’s not even the monsters. Instead, it’s all about the way that David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson bounces lines off of each other. Here’s hoping that the rest of the season understands this as well.

2017 in Review: The Best of SyFy

Posted on January 11, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Continuing my look back at the best of 2017, today is the day that I reveal my picks for the best SyFy movies and performances of the previous year!

But before I do that, a plea to the SyFy Network. I make this plea every year and it never does any good. It probably won’t do any good this year. But still, I’m going to make it. SyFy, give us more original films! From a business point of view, I can understand why SyFy shifted their focus from movies to episodic television. But I’m not a business person! I’m a movie lover, one who has wonderful memories of when every weekend would bring another gloriously over-the-top SyFy movie.

Those were wonderful days and it’s sad that the only time that I get to relive them is either during Shark Week or during October.

Seriously, SyFy — give us more original movies!

With that in mind, here are my picks for the best of 2017 SyFy:

(All credits are based on what’s listed at the imdb. If anyone has been incorrectly credited or left out, please leave a comment and I will correct the mistake.)

Best Picture — House of the Witch (produced by Neil Elman, Margaret Huddleston, Bryan Sexton)

This haunted house movie was effectively creepy and featured some unexpectedly starting imagery. Runners-up (and it was a close race): Trailer Park Shark, Sharknado 5, and The Sandman.

Best Director — Griff Furst for Trailer Park Shark

The idea of sharks attacking a trailer park sounds like a huge joke but Furst crafted it into a compelling and entertaining story that celebrated redneck ingenuity.

Best Actor — Ian Ziering in Sharknado 5

The fifth time is the charm as Ziering gives his best performance so far as the chainsaw-wielding Finn.

Best Actress — Haylie Duff in The Sandman

Duff brings some much-needed gravity to the role of a formerly irresponsible aunt trying to save her niece from a monster made of sand.

Best Supporting Actor — Jason London in Mississippi River Sharks and Dennis Haskins in Trailer Park Shark

As much as I tried, I simply could not make a choice between London’s comedic performance (as himself) and Dennis Haskins’s villainous turn. So, we have a tie!

Best Supporting Actress — Shae Smolik in The Sandman

As the girl being haunted by the Sandman, Smolik gave a refreshingly realistic performance.

Best Screenplay — Neil Elman for House of the Witch

This is the third year in a row that Neil Elman has won in this category.

Best Cinematography — Dane Lawing for House of the Witch

House of the Witch feature some truly haunting images. In my review, I raved about one shot in particular, of a pickup truck driving across the desolate landscape in the middle of the night.

Best Costumes — Mary-Sue Morris for Empire of the Sharks and Kendra Terpenning for Neverknock

Another tie. Empire of the Sharks proved that, just because the world’s ending, that doesn’t mean you can’t look good, Neverknock’s costumes made good use of the Halloween setting, especially with Lola Flannery’s devil costume.

Best Editing — Anna Florit and Ryan Michelle for Sharknado 5

In 2017, Sharknado 5 took us on a trip around the world, offered up nonstop action, and there was never a boring moment.

Best Makeup — Madeleine Botha for Empire of the Sharks

Again, just because the world’s ending, that doesn’t mean you can’t look good.

Best Score — Andrew Morgan Smith for Trailer Park Shark

The score brought the bayou, the trailer park, and the shark to life!

Best Production Design — Anthony Stabley and Dana Rice for House of the Witch

Seriously, that house was so creepy!

Best Sound — Dylan Blount, Leandro Cassan, Jonathan Iglecias , Mitchell Kohen, Chris Polczinski, Mike Varela for House of the Witch

It wasn’t just the way the house looked in House of the Witch that made it a creepy place. It was also the way that every sound in the background could have just been someone stumbling around or it could have been the witch about to jump out and rip off someone’s fingers.

Best Visual Effects — Craig Bassuk, Sasha Burrow, Yancy Calzada, Glenn Campbell , Yolanda Charlo Rodriguez, Aine Graham, John Karner, Tammy Klein, Mark Kochinski , Kevin Lane, Christian McIntire, James Payfer, Richard A. Payne, Paul Runyan, Chris Simmons, Scott Wheeler, Aaron Witlin,
Al Magliochetti for Sharknado 5

Keep those sharks flying!

Tomorrow, my look back at 2017 continues with my list of good things that I saw on television last year (not counting, of course, all of the good things that I just mentioned in this post).

Previous entries in the TSL’s Look Back at 2017:

Artwork of the Day: Startling Stories (by Rudolph Belarski)

Posted on January 11, 2018 by Dazzling Erin

by Rudolph Berlarski

Music Video of the Day: Hey Heartbreaker by Dream Wife (2018, dir by Mason London)

Posted on January 11, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This trippy video came out five days ago and it’s already a favorite of mine. To be honest, I have a weakness for anything that involves a robot band breaking free and beating up a bunch of drunks.

Enjoy!

Should You Invite This Bunch Of “Ruffians” Into Your Home?

Posted on January 10, 2018 by Ryan C. (fourcolorapocalypse)

Ryan C.'s Four Color Apocalypse

Brian Canini is one of those cartoonists who isn’t afraid to dabble his hand (and pencil, and ink pot, and — you get the idea) into any number of different genres to see what he comes up with — in fact, at this very moment he’s got a sci-fi mini (Plastic People), a diary comics series (Glimpses Of Life), and an indescribably weird-but-fun gag strip thing (Blirps), going on. That’s about as wide a variety as one can imagine, and while nay-sayers may charge that this means he has yet to find a “consistent voice” or somesuch, “glass-half-full”-types such as myself (no, really!) look at this as proof positive that he’s unafraid to experiment, to cast a wide net as he continues to hone is skills. To date, though, his longest sustained serialized story has been the recently-concluded Ruffians, a comic that actually…

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Cleaning Out The DVR: Empire of the Sharks (dir by Mark Atkins)

Posted on January 10, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Hi there! So, as you may know because I’ve been talking about it on this site all year, I have got way too much stuff on my DVR. Seriously, I currently have 178 things recorded! I’ve decided that, on February 1st, I am going to erase everything on the DVR, regardless of whether I’ve watched it or not. So, that means that I’ve now have only have a month to clean out the DVR! Will I make it? Keep checking this site to find out! I recorded Empire of the Sharks, off of SyFy on August 5th, 2017!)

Welcome to the future! It’s very wet.

That’s to be expected, of course. In fact, now that 98% of the world is underwater, we should probably be surprised that the future isn’t more wet than it actually is. What survives of humanity now lives on floating, makeshift communities. Some of them are doing better than others, of course.

A warlord floats out there. His name is Ian Fien (John Savage). With the help of his main henchman, Mason Scrimm (Jonathan Pienaar), Fien has several communities under his grip. Everyone is required to pay Fien his tribute. Failing to do so means getting attacked by the sharks that Scrimm has under his control.

(Once 98% of your planet is underwater, you learn not to laugh at the possibility of being eaten by a shark.)

However, Fien has finally gone too far. He’s kidnapped Willow (Ashley de Lange), the daughter of a shark caller who may have inherited her family’s ability to control the sharks. Her boyfriend, Timor (Jack Armstrong), sets out to rescue Willow but it quickly turns out that he’s not going to be able to do it alone. Fien is simply too powerful and his fortress too well-defended by both men and sharks. Timor is going to have to travel to a floating bar and recruit a team of misfits to help him both rescue Willow and free his people from Fien’s tyranny.

If the plot of Empire of the Sharks sounds familiar, that’s because it’s a prequel to 2016’s Planet of the Sharks. It’s also an Asylum film. Of course, The Asylum is best-known for the Sharknado franchise but I think that, if they don’t also develop a Planet of the Sharks franchise, they’ll be missing out on a huge opportunity. One of the things that I liked about both Planet and Empire was the amount of effort that was put into creating the future. Each floating community is its own little world and full of details that will reward sharp-eyed viewers.

(I know that some people online complained that everyone looked too good, considering that they were living in a post-apocalypse wasteland. That may be true but here’s something to consider. Do you really want to spend 90 minutes watching ugly people?)

Anyway, I enjoyed Empire of the Sharks. The movie is pure fun. (Just the fact that the main villains are named Fein and Scrimm should tell you a lot about the film’s sense of humor.) It’s a cheerfully crazy movie, featuring CGI sharks and a nicely demented performance from John Savage. Hopefully, during this year’s shark week, we’ll get a third installment in the Planet of the Sharks franchise.