Tag Archives: Zach Galligan

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 1.6 “Takedown”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

Who cares?  Roll the opening credits.

Episode 1.6 “Takedown”

(Dir by Terrence O’Hara, originally aired on April 6th, 1996)

Three dangerous criminals are holding up stores in …. oh Hell.  Where does this show take place?  I know it’s in California but what’s the name of the town?  Malibu?  Is that it?  Hold on, let me check with Wikipedia….

SANTA MONICA!  That’s where this show takes place.

See, that’s the type of show that Pacific Blue is.  I am now six episodes into this show and I’m still can’t tell you where it specifically takes place.  It’s not that they haven’t mentioned that the show is set in Santa Monica.  And considering that I even attended Saint Monica School for a semester, you would think that I would be able to remember it.  But Pacific Blue is such a generic show that it’s difficult to really remember a thing about it.  It fades from your memory within seconds of being watched.  About the only thing that really sticks with the viewer about this show is how stupid everyone looks on their bicycles with their tight white shirts and their blue shorts.  The fact that Rick Rossovich plays their leader with a perpetual air of grim determination only serves to make them seem even more ridiculous.  Cops are supposed to look intimidating.  That’s one reason why a lot of people don’t like them.  These cops just look like the type of douchebags you dread getting stuck behind in traffic.

As for this episode, three dangerous criminals are holding up stores in Santa Monica.  Somehow, they always manage to escape right before the cops show up.  Maybe that’s because the cops are all on bicycles and they have to steer across crowded sidewalks without even having the benefit of a siren to tell people to get out of the way.  What’s odd is that no one ever seems to notice the criminals until they pull out their guns.  These are three extremely scruffy criminals, all of whom are clad in clothes that don’t appear to have been washed in days.  Are you seriously telling me no one would notice that on the beach in San Diego or wherever this freaking show takes place?

If I was a store owner who got robbed at gunsight and who then called the police, nothing would piss me off more than having the bicycle cops respond.  Seriously, you need a car to chase criminals!  All the criminals have to do is wait for the bike cops to pull a muscle or ride over a stick in the middle of the road and then they’ll be home free.  If I get robbed, give me the real cops!

TC gets upset when one of the criminals points a gun at him.  Lt. Palermo encourages him to stop being stoic and get in touch with his feelings and …. oh, who cares?  Freaking bicycle cops.  While that’s going on, Chris takes a creative writing class and dates her professor (Zach Galligan).  From what we hear of Chris’s literary efforts, she has no talent whatsoever.  She was such a bad writer that I literally got angry while she reading her story.  I wanted the professor to throw something at her.  Also, Victor del Toro falls in love with a model (Krista Allen) and even gets a date with her, despite his dumbass bicycle.

Where does this show take place again?  Malibu?

Anyway, this was just another episode about the most useless cops ever.

Horror On TV: The Hitchhiker 6.6 “Toxic Search” (dir by Jerry Ciccoritti)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Tonight’s episode of The Hitchhiker features two friends who get into a fight over whether or not its ethical to dump toxic waste near a small town.  Unfortunately, exposure to the toxic waste leads to madness.  This episode features a good performance from Zach Galligan as the polluter who learns the errors of his way.

This episode aired on October 26th, 1990.

Horror Film Review: Waxwork II: Lost In Time (dir by Anthony Hickox)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

1992’s Waxwork II opens with the finale of the first Waxwork.  The cursed waxwork is burning to the ground, taking out the monsters within, along with Sir Wilfred (Patrick Macnee) and Wilfred’s army of do-gooders.  Only Mark (Zach Galligan) and Sarah (now played by Monika Schnarre) are able to escape.  Fleeing the burning building, they manage to catch a cab.  Sarah wonders what they’re going to do now.  Mark replies that they’re going to go back to school and pretend that none of this ever happened.

Good luck with that!  It turns out that one other thing did escape from the waxwork.  A disembodied hand follows Sarah home and murders her abusive stepfather.  Sarah manages to drop the hand down the garbage disposal, destroying it but also destroying the only proof she had that she didn’t kill her stepfather.  Sarah is put on trial for murder and the jury does not appear to be impressed with her “It was a supernatural creature” defense.

What she and Mark need is proof that the waxwork was full of monsters.  Fortunately, a trip to Sir Wilfred’s house reveals not only a recording of Sir Wilfred explaining how there’s an alternative universe known as the Kartagra but also a compass that can be used to find portals into the Kartagra.  Mark and Sarah enter the Kartagra, searching for proof of Sarah’s innocence.

Mark and Sarah go from one universe to another, meeting iconic horror characters along the way.  Just as with the exhibits in the first film, each universe features it own set monsters and its own distinctive style.  For instance, Mark finds himself suddenly cast in the role of Henry Clerval, best friend of Baron Frankenstein (Martin Kemp) and the lover of the Baron’s wife, Elizabeth (who is actually Sarah).  Of course, the Baron has more to worry about than his wife cheating with his best friend.  There’s also the angry monster living in the basement and the angry villagers that are due to start pounding on the front doors of the mansion.

Later, Mark finds himself in a black-and-white recreation of The Haunting of Hill House, working with a researcher (Bruce Campbell) and two psychics to investigate reports of a ghost at an old house.  Mark must bring peace to the ghost while avoiding all of the slapstick complications that one might expect when Bruce Campbell shows up as a paranormal researcher.  While Mark is dealing with that, Sarah is floating in space, trying to protect the crew of her dingy spaceship from an acid spewing alien.

You get the idea.  Waxwork II is essentially an affectionate collection of homages to other, better-known horror films and it must be said that Waxwork II does an excellent job of recreating each film, from the crisp black-and-white of haunted house scene to the grittiness of the Alien sequences to the over-the-top swordplay of a trip to a medieval world.  There’s even a trip to the mall from Dawn of the Dead!  Wisely, Waxwork II doesn’t take itself particularly seriously, with many scenes developing into outright comedy.  Zach Galligan gives an enjoyable and nicely modulated comedic performance, even holding his own with Bruce Campbell.

At 104 minutes, Waxwork II runs a bit too long for its own good but it ends on a sweet note that nicely wraps up the entire saga.  It’s a film that works as both a continuation of Waxwork and as an entertaining film on its own.

Horror Film Review: Waxwork (dir by Anthony Hickox)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

First released in 1988, Waxwork asks the audience with a very important question.

Let’s say that you and your best friend were walking to school one day when you suddenly noticed a gigantic mansion that you had never seen before, sitting in the middle of your neighborhood.  And what if a tall, somewhat sinister Englishman (played by David Warner, none the less) suddenly appeared out of nowhere and told you that the mansion was actually a waxwork.  And what if that Englishman than invited you to come to the waxwork at midnight and specifically asked you to come in a group of 6.  Would you do it?

Now, I know that your first instinct is to say, “Of course, I wouldn’t!”  That’s the type of answer that we’ve been conditioned to give because no one wants to admit that they can be as dumb as a character in a horror movie.  But really, I would go.  Especially if, like the characters in Waxwork, I was a teenager.  (Actually, most of the characters in Waxwork are described as being college students but they all act like high school students and their college appears to be a high school so draw your own conclusions.)  When you’re a certain age, you feel like you’re immortal and an invitation to hang out in a creepy building with a bunch of strangers at midnight feels totally reasonable.

Anyway, four rich kids — Mark (Zach Galligan), China (Michelle Johnson), Sarah (Deborah Foreman), and Tony (Dana Ashbrook, a year before he was cast as Laura Palmer’s boyfriend in Twin Peaks) — visit the waxwork at midnight.  What they discover is that the building is full of macabre exhibits that recreate various moments from horror history.  There’s werewolves, vampires, and Jack the Ripper.  There’s also the Marquis de Sade, a figure that the seemingly innocent Sarah becomes fascinated with.  And, as two of the visitors discover, stepping past the red rope and entering an exhibit transports them into an alternate world where they become the victim of the star of each display.

Not surprisingly, the film is at its best when imagining the world inside each exhibit.  Each exhibit has its own backstory and its own set of guest stars.  John Rhys-Davies shows up as a werewolf.  Miles O’Keeffe is a properly urbane Count Dracula.  J. Kenneth Campbell plays the Marquis de Sade, who the film imagines as a swashbuckling sadist.  That said, I think the most effectively frightening exhibit was one that featured no special guest stars but a very determined and very strong mummy.

What’s going on at the waxwork!?  As explained by Sir Wilfred (Patrick Macnee, bringing some welcome wit and style to the film), it’s all a part of a scheme to bring the most evil beings ever back into existence so that they can conquer the world.  It’s important that none of the waxworks be allowed to enter the real world and soon, Sir Wilfred and his ragtag army are laying siege to the waxwork and bringing things to an apocalyptic conclusion.  The final battle is a bit haphazardly edited and it’s impossible to really keep track of who is fighting on which side.  (Indeed, I’m still not sure where Sir Wilfred even found his army.)  But it does feature plenty of in-jokes for horror fans, including a cameo appearance by the carnivorous plant from Little Shop of Horrors.

Waxwork is entertaining film.  It doesn’t take itself particularly seriously and, indeed, Mark, China, Sarah, Tony, and all of their friends feel as if they could just as easily have been found in the pages of a Bret Easton Ellis novel about pretty but vapid alcoholics.  Mark is the type who gets his maid to write his term papers.  Tony just wants to drink (but, because he’s played by the adorable Dana Ashbrook, he’s still the most likable character in the film).  China says, “I do what I want, when I want,” when confronted about cheating on her boyfriend.  Sarah is the “innocent” one but just seeing the words “Marquis de Sade” causes her to swoon.  Dropping these four idiots into a situation where the fate of the world is at stake feels like a wonderfully sardonic cosmic joke.

In the end, the true pleasure of Waxwork is watching old pros like David Warner, Patrick Macnee, and the exhibit guest stars hamming it up.  Macnee, in particular, seems to enjoy leading the final charge against the forces of evil and, indeed, it’s hard not to wish that he had even more screen time than he did.  David Warner, meanwhile, rolls his eyes at just how difficult it can be to bring the 18 most evil figure in history back to life.  It’s hard work but I guess someone has to do it!

A Blast From The Past: A Very Delicate Matter (dir by Claude Kerven)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today’s blast from the past comes to use from 1982.

In A Very Delicate Matter, teenager Kristin Sorenson (Lori-Nan Engler) spends the summer working at a camp.  After her nominal boyfriend, Greg Pscharapolus (Zach Galligan), fails to call her even once, Kirstin ends up dating her superhot co-worker, Larry (future daytime drama star Grant Aleksander, making his television debut).  Once summer ends, Kristin returns home where Greg apologizes for not calling her.  Kristin takes Greg back and decides not to tell him about Larry.  But then Kristin gets a call from Larry.  Larry tells her that she might want to go by the free clinic and get some penicillin because Larry’s got gonorrhea and there’s a good chance to Kristin now has it as well.  And, since Kristin and Greg previously spent a day making up, Greg might have it too!

The plot description probably makes A Very Delicate Matter sound considerably campier than it is.  For the most part, this is a sensitive and nonjudgmental film, one in which no one is portrayed as being a villain.  (As one doctor points out, even Larry showed more courage than most by immediately calling Kristin and letting her know what was going on.)  While the two leads both give good performances (with Galligan just two years away from starring in Gremlins), the film is stolen by Marta Kober and John Didrichsen, who play the best friends of Kristen and Greg and who have a nice flirtatious chemistry with each other.  Just because your friend has a social disease, the film seems to be saying, don’t give up on love.  Marta Kober is probably best known for Friday the 13th Part 2, which featured its own warning about having unprotected sex at a summer camp.

Embracing the Melodrama Part II #86: Zandalee (dir by Sam Pillsbury)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Zandalee

“I want to shake you naked and eat you alive…”

— Johnny (Nicolas Cage) in Zandalee (1991)

As you can probably guess from the quote above, Zandalee is a crazy little movie.

Zandalee takes place in New Orleans, which means that there’s a lot of rain, a lot of jazz, a lot of flamboyant accents, and a lot of sweat.  Zandalee (Erika Anderson) owns a boutique and spends most of her time jogging across the city.  (Zandalee has reddish hair, comes from a Catholic background, and runs a lot so naturally, I related to her.)

During one of her runs, Zandalee happens to pass a thief who is being chased by the police.  The thief flirts with her even while he’s being arrested.  The thief, interestingly enough, is played by a surprisingly hot Steve Buscemi.  Even more interesting is that, though his character makes a dramatic entrance and gets a lot of good lines, Buscemi doesn’t appear again until near the very end of the movie.  There’s really no point to Buscemi being in the film but somehow, it just seems right for him to suddenly be there.

And really, that’s the type of film that Zandalee is.  Odd characters pop up and then disappear.  Plot points are raised and then abandoned.  Events play out almost at random, as if Zandalee’s morning runs are taking her further and further into a dream world.

(It’s all a bit like Lost River, except for the fact that Zandalee is actually memorable in its weirdness, as opposed to just being annoying.)

Zandalee is married to Thierry (Judge Reinhold), a former poet who has abandoned his literary ambitions and taken over the family business.  Now, he’s mostly a figurehead who spends all of his time hanging out with drunk and uninteresting Philistines.  Thierry is so guilt-ridden over giving up poetry that he’s been rendered impotent.  Try as he might, he cannot make love.  As he puts it, while standing naked and staring out into the dark night, he is “a paraplegic of the soul.”

And then Johnny (Nicolas Cage) shows up.  Johnny was Thierry’s childhood friend.  Johnny is a painter and, from the minute he arrives, he’s giving Thierry a hard time for selling out.  Johnny also has long, stringy hair and a mustache and goatee.  He speaks in Nicolas Cage’s trademark muffled monotone, muttering lines of philosophical pretension.  When we first meet Johnny, he’s with Remy (Marisa Tomei, who much like Steve Buscemi, pops up and then vanishes and yet somehow it still seems totally appropriate that she’s in the film) but soon, Johnny has decided that he wants Zandalee.

Or, as he tells her when he approaches her during one of her runs, “I like it when you don’t wear anything underneath….”

Soon, Johnny and Zandalee are having a passionate affair.  Much as Zandalee once inspired Thierry’s poetry, she now inspires Johnny’s art.  Of course, Johnny is also inspired by cocaine.  Along with selling it and snorting it, Johnny also mixes it with olive oil and dips his fingers in it before fingering Zandalee.  And, as effective as some of these Johnny/Zandalee scenes are, it’s still impossible to watch all of this without thinking, “What the Hell, Nicolas Cage!?”

(Even by the standards of Nicolas Cage, Zandalee is a strange film.)

Anyway, eventually, Zandalee breaks it off with Johnny and Johnny’s paintings starts to suffer.  Thierry realizes what has been going on and it all leads to the scene below.

And, believe it or not, that all happens during the first hour!  Even after that epic dance off, there’s still another half hour of melodrama to go!  Zandalee is a seriously odd movie.

Zandalee can be viewed, in its uncensored entirety, on YouTube.  Usually, I’d embed the film at the bottom of this review but Zandalee is so extremely NSFW that it’s probably safer if you just go to YouTube and search for it yourself.

niccagezandaleeSeriously, Nic Cage wants you to do it.