Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 3.17 “Mary Beth’s Parents” and 3.18 “The Laugh Riot”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Indiana’s greatest basketball team heads for the ski slopes!

Episode 3.17 “Mary Beth’s Parents”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 8th, 1997)

I did a double-take when this episode opened with shots of a snowy ski lodge.  It wasn’t so much that this episode was taking place outside of Indiana (as we did just go through the whole California thing) as much as I thought the show had already done a ski lodge episode, one in which a man dressed as a yeti was trying to keep Mary Beth’s father from developing the land.  However, once the episode began, I realized I was thinking of the episode of California Dreams where everyone is invited to Lorena’s father’s ski lodge.

(That said, I’m pretty sure it’s the same set that was used in not only California Dreams but also Saved By The Bell: The New Class.)

Instead, in this episode, Mary Beth’s parents have invited the entire basketball team out to a ski lodge to help celebrate Mary Beth’s birthday.  That includes Coach Fuller, who is super excited about going ice fishing and catching a legendary bass.  Again, that’s not surprising.  In the world of Peter Engel-produced sitcoms, parents were always inviting and paying for their children’s friends to come vacation with them.  But you do have to wonder why only the basketball team has been invited.  Doesn’t Mary Beth have other friends that would have wanted to come?  Obviously, Mary Beth is close to Julie and Kristy and she and Vince have an unlikely flirtation going on.  But why invite Teddy and Michael, two people with whom she’s had next to nothing to do with over the course of the series?  And why invite Coach Fuller?  Fuller’s an adult.  Does he not have a life outside of his job?  Does no one find the idea of a man in his 40s going on vacation with a bunch of high school students to be a little bit creepy?

That said, even though he shouldn’t be there, Fuller is super-excited about ice fishing and the team is super-excited about watching him ice fish, which really doesn’t seem like something to get that excited about.  However, there’s more going on here than just Fuller trying to relive his fishing glory days.  Instead of going ice fishing, Vince stays back at the lodge and overhears Mary Beth’s parents talking about getting a divorce!  Vince can’t bring himself to tell Mary Beth about what he’s heard and, if we’re going to be perfectly honest, it’s not really his place to tell her because he’s not family.  However, when the rest of the team returns from Fuller’s fishing cabin, Vince tells them and then Mary Beth walks in right when Teddy is making the same point that I just made.  “If anyone is going to tell Mary Beth about her parents getting divorced, it should be Mary Beth’s parents!” Teddy says while a stunned Mary Beth stands behind him.

Now, let’s give the show some credit.  At first, Mary Beth is in denial about her parent’s getting divorced and then she moves into the anger phase and then the bargaining stage.  And, for me, it brought back a lot of memories of going through my own parent’s divorce and the show, at first, handled things with a lot more sensitivity than you would expect from a Peter Engel-produced sitcom.  But then, because this is a Peter Engel show, things get cartoonish as Mary Beth tries to save her parent’s marriage by recreating their honeymoon in Mexico, which means that Mary Beth speaks in an exaggerated Mexican accent while Vince puts on a sombrero and a fake mustache.  It doesn’t work but, fortunately, Mary Beth moves from anger to acceptance in record time.

Again, let’s give some credit where credit is due.  I’ve been pretty critical of the Vince/Mary Beth pairing but Megan Parlen and Michael Sullivan both have a lot of chemistry in this episode and Sullivan, in particular, is better here than he’s been in any of the previous episodes.  And even the ice fishing storyline pays off as the normally stiff Reggie Theus really gets into trash-talking a legendary giant bass.  Fuller catches the bass (which is obviously a fake, rubber fish) but then he tosses it back in the lake.  It would be a touching moment if the bass actually looked like real, living fish as opposed to a rubber toy.

Flaws and all, this was ultimately a pretty good episode.  Will the streak continue with our second ski lodge episode?

Episode 3.18 “The Laugh Riot”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 8th, 1997)

We’re still at the ski lodge!  Mary Beth’s parents are nowhere to be seen but we know that they’re still getting divorced because Vince gives Mary Beth an expensive ring to help her get over it.  Awwwwwww!  Unfortunately, Mary Beth loses the ring, which leads to her going through a lot of trouble to keep Danny from finding out.  But then she finds it in her pocket and everything’s okay.  Yay!  This whole storyline made me anxious.  I hate plots that could easily be resolved by one person just telling the truth about what happened.

Meanwhile, the Lodge is holding auditions for a new comedian to perform at their comedy club and Danny decides to audition, despite the fact that he’s only there on vacation and will presumably be going back to Indiana in a day or two.  I’m not sure that Danny has really thought this through.  When Danny gets get on stage, he suffers from stage fright and freezes.  Fortunately, Teddy joins him on stage and they become a comedy duo.  They’re both hired!  But Teddy eventually realizes that stand-up comedy is Danny’s dream and he allows Danny to perform the show alone.  It’s kind of pointless, as none of the jokes are particularly funny and it’s kind of a stretch to imagine a club full of wealthy adults going crazy over Danny joking about reading his girlfriend’s diary.

This episode features an extended sequence in which Danny imagines himself as being Jerry Seinfeld.  CRINGE!

Next week, the ski lodge adventure continues!

Lisa Marie’s Week in Television: 1/29/23 — 2/4/23


I watched quite a bit.  Let’s see what I can remember about it.

Accused (Tuesday Night, FOX)

This week’s episode was actually pretty good.  It has an enjoyably macabre ending and was well-directed by Jonathan Mostow.

The Amazing Race 5 (Netflix)

The fifth season of The Amazing Race is on Netflix!  I watched a few episodes this week.  I’m glad that Colin and Christie were given a second chance to compete on the show because they really were the strongest competitors during the fifth season.  After getting used to the mellow Colin who appeared the second time, it was interesting to be reminded just how intense and ultra-competitive he was the first time he appeared on the show.  I know that Colin and Christie were meant to be the fifth season’s “villains” but, honestly, it’s impossible not to like them.  I respect the fact that they consistently refused to yield or U-turn anyone.

American Auto (Tuesday Night, NBC)

Anna Gasteyer’s character went on the Seth Meyers show to try to soften her image and convince everyone that she really wasn’t the country’s most hated CEO.  I understand that the whole point here was to reunite Gasteyer and Meyers, as I assume they were on Saturday Night Live at the same time.  But I don’t know.  Gasteyer had a few funny moments but Meyers has never really appealed to me a a talk show host.  And really, if  you were a CEO trying to improve your image by appearing on a talk show, would you go on the one that most people don’t watch?  She should have held out for Fallon.

The Bachelor (Monday Night, ABC)

Boring!

The Brady Bunch Hour (YouTube)

I wrote about The Brady Bunch Hour here!

California Dreams (YouTube)

I wrote about California Dreams here!

City Guys (Tubi)

Uh-oh!  It looks like Tubi has removed a few episodes of City Guys!  Fortunately, I think I can find them all on YouTube.  Anyway, click here to see what I wrote this week!

Football Game: Bengals vs Chiefs (Sunday Evening, CBS)

I watched this game with Jeff and Erin.  I guess I’m glad the Chiefs won.  The Bengals uniforms were a kind of silly looking.

Football Game: Eagles vs 49ers (Sunday Afternoon, FOX)

Was it on FOX?  I honestly can’t remember.  Anyway, I watched this game with Jeff and Erin and they were a lot more into it than I was.  I decided that I would root for the 49ers because Philadelphia is the city of Parking Wars but I changed my mind once it became obvious that the 49ers weren’t going to win.

Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, FOX)

I’m not sure if I agree with Chef Ramsey’s decision to keep  Dafne over Sommer.  Sommer may have been abrasive when she was put in charge of the Kitchen but she was still a lot less scatter-brained and more effective than Dafne was.  That said, we all know that Alex is going to win this season.

Kids Behind Bars: Life or Parole? (Hulu)

This show originally aired on A&E.  I watched an episode on Monday morning and I was immediately reminded of why I never particularly cared for this show.  Not only does it exploit real-life tragedy but it’s also so biased and heavy-handed that it’s not really worth watching as a work of journalism.

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

This week, the murderer was a prosperity preacher.  Nolan Price used a bunch of shady legal tricks to convince a judge to force a minister to break his sacred oath.  This show is always at its most cringey when it tries to deal with religion.  As I watched this week, I noticed that the show is now playing up the whole “relationship” angle between Price and Maroun.  They’re a cute couple but I kind of want to see Maroun handle a case without Price hovering over her shoulder.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

Night Court (Tuesday Night, NBC)

I know I watched the episode because I jotted it down in my notes for the week but I can’t remember a thing about it.  That’s kind of a recurring problem with Night Court.  I’ve seen every episode so far and I still can’t really tell you anything about the show or its characters.

Night Flight (Night Flight Plus)

I watched an episode from the 80s.  It was all about the use of animation in music videos.

Survivor: Philippines (Hulu)

There are several old seasons of Survivor on Hulu.  I watched a bit of the Philippines season, which featured the unbelievably hot Malcolm and the unbelievably obnoxious Abi-Maria.  Along with Penner, RC, Russell, and a few others, this season featured some of the least likable castaways ever but it also featured Malcolm so it all worked out.

TV Party (Nightflight Plus)

I watched an old episode of this 80s public access program on Friday night.  Chris Stein, of the band Blondie, led a small band in playing medieval music.  Then a bunch of drunk people called the studio and threatened to beat him up.

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 3.14 “Boyz R Us” and 3.15 “Junior Achievement”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing California Dreams, which ran on NBC from 1992 to 1996.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Let’s see what was happening in California back in 1994.

Episode 3.14 “Boyz R Us”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on December 17th, 1994)

When Tony’s old friend Darren comes to visit, it’s revealed that Tony and his family are apparently form South Central.  Over the course of nearly three seasons, this has never once been mentioned by Tony or anyone else on the show but, in this episode, everyone acts as if they’ve always known that Tony comes from the hood and that his family moved away to keep Tony from falling in with the wrong crowd.  In fact, it’s treated as being such common knowledge that it actually seems a little bit offensive, as if everyone just assumed that Tony grew up in a crime-ridden neighborhood because of the color of his skin.

Darren comes bearing grim news.  Their friend, JR, has fallen in with the gangs.  When JR is ordered to rob a liquor store, he refuses to do it.  The gang retaliates by beating him up and leaving JR with permanent brain damage.  (We don’t actually see JR.  Instead, Tony just spends the episode answering questions about how JR is doing.)  Tony thinks that he and Darren should go to the police.  Darren thinks a better solution would be to kill the guys who beat up JR.  Tony returns to South Central and literally stands in front of two gang members to keep Darren from shooting them.  The gang members say that they’re going to repay the favor by killing Tony and Darren.  But then a bunch of older people show up in the alley and announced that they’re taking their neighborhood back.  The gang members run off and apparently, that’s all it takes to deal with the gang problem.

I have no doubt that this episode was written, directed, and acted with the best of intentions but Peter Engel-produced sitcoms were always at their worst whenever they tried to deal with the issue of race.  The need to neatly wrap everything up in 22 minutes did not exactly lend itself to examining serious issues.  The whole episode felt a bit heavy-handed and I didn’t buy the episode’s conclusion for a second.  The episode suggested that the best way to deal with gangs was to just stand up to them as you would to any other group of bullies.  It worked in this episode but that’s because there was only two gang members and neither one of them was armed when they were confronted.

In the B-plot, the Dreams were broke so they got jobs delivering singing telegrams.  Lorena got a job as well because, even though she was rich, she wanted to see what it was like to be poor.  Lorena was so cool.

Episode 3.15 “Junior Achievement”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on December 24th, 1994)

For their Business class, the Dreams set up a corporation and attempt to make a profit.  Jake and Mark try to succeed by giving music lessons.  The rest of the group decides to exploit Sam’s cold remedy, which has apparently been in her family for centuries.  At first, Sam is reluctant to sell out her heritage but then she’s told that she could become a millionaire so….

If this sounds familiar, that’s because this is the same basic plot as the Saved By The Bell episode where Zack and the gang try to sell Screech’s Spaghetti Sauce.  For that matter, it also has a lot in common with the infamous “buddy band” episode.  Just as Zack did for the spaghetti sauce, The Dreams even air a commercial for the cold remedy on public access TV.  Tony directs the commercial.  Sly plays a cold germ.  Sam plays her grandmother.  The commercial seems like it runs way too long but whatever.  Jake and Mark make no money teaching music while the other Dreams initially make a fortune.  But then, in order to save on production costs, Sam cuts a few corners and the medicine goes from curing colds to causing hiccups.  Sam tells the teacher the truth about what happened and is praised for being ethical.

So, in other words, there’s no actual consequences for anything that Sam may have done wrong.  That’s the advantage of being one of the main characters, I suppose.

This wasn’t a bad episode as much as it was just a totally silly one.  The storyline was predictable but the cast certainly seemed to be having fun.  This is one of those episodes that worked almost entirely due to chemistry between the actors.  Though the episode focuses on Jennie Kwan, Michael Cade also gets his share of good lines.  Any episode that features Sly being totally immoral and greedy is usually a good one.

Next week, Tiffani gets hooked on steroids!

Retro Television Reviews: The Brady Bunch Hour 1.3


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Fridays, I will be reviewing The Brady Bunch Hour, which ran on ABC from 1976 to 1977.  All nine episodes can be found on YouTube!

Join me as I watched episode 3 of …. *shudder* …. The Brady Bunch Hour!

Episode 1.3

(Dir by Jack Regas, originally aired on February 27th, 1977)

As always, the episode opens with pictures of the Bradys being flashed across a screen as the announcer shouts out everyone’s names.  One thing I immediately notice is that Christopher Knight is now referred to as being “Chris Knight,” which sounds less like the name of the actor who played Peter Brady and more like the secret of identity of a cheesy super hero.  The crowd goes crazy for each Brady but they really go nuts when the announcer reveals that tonight’s special guest star will be Milton Berle.

That’s right, Milton Berle.  I honestly have to imagine that, even in the 70s, Milton Berle probably seemed like a rather quaint guest star.  The Bradys were hardly on the cutting edge of …. well, anything.  But, even for them, Milton Berle feels a little bit past his prime.

The Bradys come out and sing Hooray for Hollywood, which I’m sure was the song that all the kids were listening to in 1977.

Having finished singing, the Bradys banter.  Everyone gets super excited when Carol says that their special guest is the “one and only Milton Berle!”  And then it’s time for the family to once again sing Hooray for Hollywood.  Hollywood may be a great thing but another great thing is being able to carry a tune and, unfortunately, that’s something that half of the Bradys apparently never managed to master.

(It’s okay, I can’t sing either.)

Obviously looking to punish the viewers even further, Hooray for Hollywood is followed by Mike, Carol, Greg, Marcia, and Pete singing Make ‘Em Laugh.  Is tonight’s theme Broadway songs that are largely adored by people who have never actually seen a Broadway show?  Alice and Rip Taylor — who I guess is still playing the Bradys landlord, Jackie Merrill — come out on stage after the performance and sing their own version of Make ‘Em Laugh.  From the start of the performance, it’s pretty clear that Ann B. Davis would rather be anywhere other than sharing a stage with Rip Taylor.  It’s actually painful to watch as two mismatched performers, neither one of whom appears to like the other, sing a song about making the audience laugh.

Mercifully, we then cut to Peter Brady.  Because of the way the scene is lit, my first thought upon seeing Peter is that he’s going to confess to killing a bunch of co-eds.

Instead, Peter explains that it’s time for him to do a song but no one in his family wants to introduce him.  Wow, Peter!  Your family sucks!  Fortunately, a weird little puppet shows up and duets with Peter on Sing.  It’s weird, dude.

We cut to Bobby, who complains that his family doesn’t know what’s funny.  “This is funny,” Bobby says, before getting hit in the face with a pie.  The audience agrees.  Personally, I hate the whole pie-smashing thing because I know it’s probably a mess to clean up afterwards.

We go to the Brady House, where Alice is talking on a CB radio that has been set up in the kitchen.  Mr. Merrill is in the kitchen for some reason.  Carol, Mike, and Bobby come into the kitchen.  Bobby thinks that the show isn’t funny enough.  Mike and Carol think that Bobby is being a brat.  “Compared to us,” Bobby says, “Donnie and Marie are Cheech and Chong!”  Mike argues that they do more than comedy but he says that he’ll consider Bobby’s suggestions.  Who died and made Mike the producer of the show?

After Carol, Alice, and Mike leave, the CB radio comes to life.  It’s Milton Berle looking for someone to talk to!  Bobby and Mr. Merrill talk to Berle.  Berle insults Bobby, saying that he sounds like he belongs on Sesame Street.  Bobby tells Berle that he’s funny and asks him if he wants to be a on a TV show.  “A TV show?  WHERE!?  WHERE!?”  Berle shouts in reply and I’ll admit that I actually did kind of laugh at that.

We go to commercial and, when we return, Rip Taylor welcomes us to the second half of the show.  We then cut to Bobby and the Brady kids waiting for Milton Berle to show up at the house.  They wonder why he’s late.  “Maybe he’s watching The Partridge Family,” says Cindy.  “Maybe he saw our show!” Bobby replies.  When did Bobby become the smartest member of the family?

Anyway, Milton eventually rings the doorbell and enters the house, smoking a cigar.

It quickly becomes obvious that Milton Berle doesn’t know who the Bradys are and the Brady kids aren’t sure who Milton is.  Fortunately, Carol and Mike return home and Carol explains that Milton Berle is a television pioneer and “the funniest man in the world.”

“Mr. Berle,” Mike says, “why are you here?”

“Bad luck, I guess,” Berle replies and again, I will admit that I laughed because Berle obviously meant every word.

Bobby says that Milton can make the show funnier.  When Mike says that they don’t need the show to be funnier, Milton gets angry and says that he’s going to write for the show just to make Mike look bad.  I’m really starting to like Milton Berle.  Milton agrees to take over but he says that the family has to understand that they are to do everything that he says.  He’s in charge now, not Mike.  It’s about time!

Milton’s first act is to try to teach Peter how to enunciate.  When Peter struggles, Milton Berle SLAPS him.  Then he attempts to show Greg how to walk like a television star.

We cut to commercial.  When we return, the announcer tells us that we are now watching “The Milton Berle Brady Bunch Hour, created by Milton Berle, produced by Milton Berle, written by Milton Berle….” You get the idea.  The Bradys, who are now all wearing silly costumes, come out and sing Hooray for Hollywood again.  Mike is not happy with his outfit.

Milton comes out on stage and yells at the Bradys to “sell the comedy.”  The kids tells a few old vaudeville jokes.  Milton runs out on stage with a fake plant and refers to Carol as being “Mrs. Bunch.”  Mike complains about having to wear makeup.  “What do you do when you and your wife have a fight?” Milton asks.  “We make up,” Mike says, which leads to him being attacked by a makeup artist.  Realizing that things aren’t going well, Milton resigns and apologizes.  Okay, I guess that’s the end of that.  It’s typical of this show that the one successful skit ends on a totally random note.

We go to commercial and when we return, Greg and Peter are standing next to the pool.  Greg says that Peter is nervous because this is the part of the show where he always gets shoved into the pool.  Considering the fact that Peter could die if he hits the water the wrong way, he has every right to be nervous.  Greg says that, this week, he’ll let Peter push him in.  Peter doesn’t believe him and jumps in the pool to escape his cruel older brother.

This is followed by Tina Turner who …. wait.  What?  The stupid pool gag is followed by TINA TURNER!?  What a weird show!  Needless to say, Tina’s great but it’s still hard not to feel that the Bradys shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near her.  As a general rule, if you’re a singer who can’t carry a tune and who can’t dance and who is visibly uncomfortable performing on stage, don’t put yourself in a position to be compared directly to Tina Turner.

After Tina performs, we cut to more Brady nonsense as Carol, Mike, and Bobby inform Milton Berle that he’s been fired from the show.  Wait a minute?  What?  I thought Milton made a big deal about stepping down as producer?  I guess I must have misinterpreted that previous scene but honestly, I refuse to go back and rewatch it.  If the show’s writers and performers couldn’t make this stuff clear, that’s on them.

“You’re giving me the pink slip?” Milton asks.

“We’re giving you all the costumes back,” Bobby says.  The audiences goes nuts.

(By the way, I’m wearing a pink slip right now.)

With Milton gone (again), Carol comes out and sings Evergreen, the theme from A Star is Born.  It’s a good song for her voice and I actually enjoyed listening to her version.

It’s time for the big finale!  All the songs are about stars.  I can’t even begin to describe it.  Just watch, if you dare.

To my surprise, this episode was not terrible.  Milton Berle’s obvious disdain for the family generated some laughs and Tina Turner’s performance was a definite highlight.  Even Florence Henderson’s musical performance was effective.  It was hardly perfect and both the opening and the finale reminded me of how tone deaf most of the Bradys were but still, this episode was probably about as good as anyone could expect from The Brady Bunch Hour.

God knows what’s waiting for us next week.

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 3.11 “El-Train In The Sky With Geena” and 3.12 “Miracle 134th Street and Lexington Avenue”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Are the neat guys still smart and streetwise?  Were they ever?  Let’s find out!

Episode 3.11 “El-Train In The Sky With Geena”

(dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 27th, 1999)

Jamal is still dating Ashley (Trina McGee), the manipulative girl with the thick Southern accent.  However, Jamal is concerned when her ex-boyfriend Roger comes to visit “from the South.”  After lying to Roger about Ashley having to serve detention, Jamal and Chris take Roger on a tour of New York City, one that is meant to make him hate the city so much that he’ll never want to return.  At one point, they take him to — cringe! — the Twin Towers and make him walk all the way to the top, via the stairs.  They tell him to think of World Trade Center as being a “Stairmaster with a gift shop on the top floor.”  UGH!

Now, in all fairness, the creative team behind City Guys had no idea what would happen 20 months in the future.  At the time this episode aired, the World Trade Center was a popular New York tourist attraction and it made sense that Jamal and Chris would take a visitor to see it.  Still, watching this scene today is all sorts of cringey.  “Why do we have to take the stairs?” Roger asks.  “Because the elevators are broken,” is the reply.

Seriously, let’s just move on to the A-plot of this episode.

The students have raised $200 to buy Ms. Nobel a gift.  (What is the deal with these people and their pathological obsession with their principal?)  They give the money to L-Train, the class president.  Unfortunately, L-Train has a new girlfriend named Geena and Geena is hooked on …. MARIJUANA!  She’s so addicted that she even lights up at the movies.  She’s so addicted that, when she finds out L-Train has $200 in his locker, she steals it so that she can buy more weed.  She promises to pay L-Train back but the next time that L-Train sees her, she’s staring at her hand and talking about how she can’t feel her face.  What exactly has she been smoking?

Anyway, L-Train is forced to buy a cheap chair for Ms. Nobel’s gift.  Ms. Nobel is disappointed in him.  JUST BE GRATEFUL YOUR KISS-ASS STUDENTS GOT YOU A GIFT!  Anyway, Ms. Nobel encourages L-Train to give Geena a second chance and to get her in drug rehab.

Anyway, this was a dumb episode.  It turns out that Roger and Ashley only dated in the 2nd grade and Geena agrees to get help.  And I guess Ms. Nobel eventually gets a better chair.  Steven Daniel gave a typically empathetic performance but everyone else was definitely an autopilot.

Let’s move on!

Episode 3.12 “Miraclce on 134th Street and Lexington Avenue)

(dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 27th, 1999)

It’s a Christmas episode!

The gang is still working at the New York Toy Company, where Al and Jamal try to make extra money and from which Chris and Dawn are regularly delivering toys to the local community center.  After discovering that Allison, one of the kids at the center, wants to meet her father for the first time, Chris and Dawn track him down and reunite the family.  Ms. Nobel praised everyone for doing a good job.  No one mentions anything about the fact that Chris, Jamal, Dawn, Cassidy, Al, and L-Train would rather spend their holidays with Ms. Nobel instead of their own families.  Seriously, high school only lasts four years.  How are these people going to survive adulthood without having Ms. Nobel around 24/7?

Usually, I like Christmas episodes but this one didn’t really work for me.  I hate to say this but the performers playing Allison, her mother, and her father weren’t particularly believable in their roles.  Plus, it didn’t seem to occur to anyone that maybe there was a good reason why Allison’s father no longer had any contact with his family.  Instead, Dawn and Chris just took it upon themselves to tell him where Allison and her mother could be found.  I mean, they could have at least done a background check.

The neat guys did not impress me this week.  Hopefully, next week will be a bit better.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 1.23 “Musical Cabins”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Let’s hear it for life’s sweetest reward!

Episode 1.23 “Musical Cabins”

(Dir by Allen Baron, originally aired on May 6th, 1978)

This week’s episode of The Love Boat opened with …. a commercial!

Actually, if you’re watching the show on Paramount Plus like me, every episode opens with a commercial and occasionally the commercial freezes and you have to start all over again.  This week, though, was significant because it was a new commercial from Pfizer.  The commercial opened with P!nk holding a rubber germ.

“If I was holding COVID-19,” P!nk says, “I would be in trouble …. because I have asthma.”

Plus, she would be in trouble because that’s the biggest goddamn germ I’ve ever seen.  Don’t get me wrong.  I have asthma too and I am more than aware of the dangers of getting an aggressive respiratory illness.  But I’m just not sure that having a bunch of celebrities passing around a big rubber germ is the best way to advertise the vaccine.  As soon as P!nk threw the germ at Michael Phelps and ?uestlove, the commercial started to lose me.  It felt cheap, like one of those ICDC commercials that Master P forced Romeo Miller to do.  Don’t throw germs at your friends.

Speaking of which, this week’s episode of The Love Boat is all about friendships and relationships.  Ms. O’Roarke (Marica Wallace) is a gossip reporter who has heard that the Pacific Princess is a notorious hotbed of lust and hedonism on the high seas.  She books a ticket and then sneaks around the boat with her notepad, watching as people go in and out of different cabins.  She thinks that she’s uncovering evidence of an orgy on the high seas but actually, she’s just witnessing a bunch of misunderstandings.

For instance, Didi (Barbara Rhoades) is so disgusted by Curt (Dick Gautier), her chauvinistic boyfriend, that she refuses to stay in their cabin.  When Gopher informs her that the cruise is sold out and there are no other cabins available, Doc immediately volunteers his cabin.  Judging from the look on Gopher’s face, he’s just about had it with Doc hitting on every single passenger on the boat.  An HR report is about to be filed.

Doc, for his part, assumes that Didi is looking for more than just a place to sleep.  Being the swinger that he is, Doc slips into his pajamas and offers to help Didi unwind.

Didi is scandalized and kicks Doc out of his own cabin.  Doc ends up asking Julie if he can crash in her cabin.  Julie agrees but then wonders why Doc has never tried to hit on her.  Doc replies that he thinks of Julie as being a “kid sister.”

Wrong answer, Doc!

Fortunately, Julie is soon approached by Nelson Hoag (Paul Williams), who has been asking every woman on the cruise if she’ll consider marrying him.  Everyone turns Nelson down but what they don’t know is that Nelson is going to inherit a good deal of money but only if he gets married before his next birthday!

Julie and Nelson spend the night talking and Julie is actually charmed by Nelson.  However, just as she learns in to kiss him, Gopher shows up and puts the kibosh on it.  Gopher is going to have a lot of HR reports to write.

Since Doc is sleeping in her cabin, Julie ends up staying in Nelson’s cabin.  Meanwhile, Nelson meets Irene (Michele Lee), a widow who is pretending to be an heiress.  Irene allows Nelson to stay in her cabin and then she spends some time with an entirely smitten Captain Stubing.  Is anyone on the boat actually doing their job?

Eventually, as O’Roarke hides behind the corner and takes notes, everyone meets in one cabin to work out their feelings.  Curt wants Didi back but Didi actually prefers the company of the gentle Nelson.  For her part, Irene likes men who take what they want and say whatever pops into their mind and that certainly describes Curt.  By the end of the cruise, Julie and Doc are friends again, Didi is married to Nelson, and Irene is dating Curt.  And O’Roarke realizes that she doesn’t have a story so she tears up all of her notes.

Usually, I can’t stand shows (or movies) where the plot hinges on a series of misunderstandings that could all easily be cleared up by people just not being stupid but I actually found this episode of The Love Boat to be rather charming, as the show made good use of the cast’s natural chemistry and the guest stars actually brought some much needed emotional depth to characters who were otherwise rather thinly written.  Yes, Nelson was a little weirdo but, oddly, he and Didi made for a really sweet couple.  Add to that Michele Lee brought a sense of genuine sadness to her role as the lonely widow.  Watching the show, I found myself hoping that things would work out for her and they did!

Yay!

I hope next week is this good!

Here Are The 2022 Eddie Nominations!


The American Cinema Editors have announced their nominations for the Eddie Awards, which will celebrate the best in film editing for 2022. The winners will be announced March 5th, 2023.

I’m not really sure why any organization would wait until after the Oscar nominations to announce their own nominations but whatever.  There’s no need to be judgey, right?  Here are the nominees!

BEST EDITED FEATURE FILM (Drama, Theatrical)
All Quiet on the Western Front – Sven Budelmann, BFS
Elvis – Matt Villa, ACE ASE & Jonathan Redmond
Tár – Monika Willi
Top Gun: Maverick – Eddie Hamilton, ACE
The Woman King – Terilyn A. Shropshire, ACE

BEST EDITED FEATURE FILM (Comedy, Theatrical)
The Banshees of Inisherin – Mikkel E.G. Nielsen, ACE
Everything Everywhere All at Once – Paul Rogers
Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery – Bob Ducsay, ACE
The Menu – Christopher Tellefsen, ACE
Triangle of Sadness – Ruben Östlund & Mikel Cee Karlsson

BEST EDITED ANIMATED FEATURE FILM (Theatrical or Non-Theatrical)
The Bad Guys – John Venzon, ACE
Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio – Ken Schretzmann, ACE & Holly Klein
Marcel the Shell with Shoes On – Dean Fleischer-Camp & Nick Paley
Puss in Boots: The Last Wish – James Ryan, ACE
Turning Red – Nicholas C. Smith, ACE

BEST EDITED DOCUMENTARY (Theatrical)
All the Beauty and the Bloodshed – Amy Foote, Joe Bini & Brian A. Kates, ACE
Fire of Love – Erin Casper & Jocelyne Chaput
Good Night Oppy – Helen Kearns, ACE & Rejh Cabrera
Moonage Daydream – Brett Morgen
Navalny – Langdon Page & Maya Hawke

BEST EDITED DOCUMENTARY (Non-Theatrical)
The Andy Warhol Diaries: “Collab: Andy & Basquiat” – Steve Ross
George Carlin’s American Dream – Joe Beshenkovsky, ACE
The Last Movie Stars: “Luck is an Art” – Barry Poltermann
Lucy and Desi – Robert A. Martinez
Pelosi in the House – Geof Bartz, ACE

BEST EDITED MULTI-CAMERA COMEDY SERIES
The Conners: “Of Missing Minds and Missing Fries” – Brian Schnuckel, ACE
How I Met Your Father: “Timing Is Everything” – Susan Federman, ACE
The Neighborhood: “Welcome to the Art of Negotiation” – Chris Poulos

BEST EDITED SINGLE CAMERA COMEDY SERIES
Atlanta: “Andrew Wyeth. Alfred’s World.” – Kyle Reiter, ACE & Isaac Hagy, ACE
Barry: “710N” – Franky Guttman
Barry: “Starting Now” – Ali Greer
The Bear: “System” – Joanna Naugle
Only Murders in the Building: “I Know Who Did It” – Shelly Westerman, ACE & Payton Koch

BEST EDITED DRAMA SERIES
Andor: “One Way Out” – Simon Smith
Euphoria: “Stand Still Like the Hummingbird” – Aaron I. Butler, ACE & Julio Perez IV, ACE
Euphoria: “The Theater and Its Double” – Laura Zempel, Julio Perez IV, ACE & Nikola Boyanov
Severance: “In Perpetuity” – Geoffrey Richman, ACE & Erica Freed Marker, ACE
Severance: “The We We Are” – Geoffrey Richman, ACE

BEST EDITED FEATURE FILM (NON-THEATRICAL)
Fire Island – Brian A. Kates, ACE
Hocus Pocus 2 – Julia Wong, ACE
A Jazzman’s Blues – Maysie Hoy, ACE
Prey – Angela M. Catanzaro, ACE & Claudia Castello
Weird: The Al Yankovic Story – Jamie Kennedy

BEST EDITED LIMITED SERIES
Gaslit: “Year of the Rat” – Joe Leonard, ACE
Obi-Wan Kenobi: “Part VI” – Kelley Dixon, ACE & Josh Earl, ACE
Station Eleven: “Unbroken Circle” – Anna Hauger, ACE, David Eisenberg, Yoni Reiss & Anthony McAfee
The White Lotus: “Abduction” – Heather Persons, ACE
The White Lotus: “Arrivederci” – John M. Valerio ACE

BEST EDITED NON-SCRIPTED SERIES
Deadliest Catch: “Sailor’s Delight” – Isaiah Camp, ACE, Joe Mikan, ACE & Alexander Rubinow, ACE
Formula 1: Drive to Survive: “Hard Racing” – Cassie Bennitt, Matt Rudge, Duncan Moir, Nic Zimmermann, Jack Foxton & Neil Clarkson
Vice: “Killing for Success & Marcos Returns” – Paula Salhany, Brandon Kieffer, Andrew Pattison. Catherine Lee & Victoria Lesiw

BEST EDITED VARIETY TALK/SKETCH SHOW OR SPECIAL
A Black Lady Sketch Show: “Save My Edges, I’m A Donor!” – Stephanie Filo, ACE, Bradinn French, Taylor Mason & S. Robyn Wilson
Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: “Police Interrogations” – Anthony Miale, ACE & Ryan Barger
My Next Guest Needs No Introduction with David Letterman: “Volodymyr Zelenskyy Special” – Cori Wapnowska & Jon Higgins

BEST EDITED ANIMATED SERIES
Big Mouth: “Dadda Dia!” – Felipe Salazar
Bob’s Burgers: “Some Like It Bot Part 1: Eighth Grade Runner” – Jeremy Reuben, ACE
Love, Death & Robots: “Bad Travelling” – Kirk Baxter, ACE

ANNE V. COATES AWARD FOR STUDENT EDITING
Adriana Guevara – New York University
Jazmin Jamias – American Film Institute
Tianze Sun – American Film Institute

 

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 2.7 “Let the Good Times Roll/Nightmare/The Tiger”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, we’ve got a special, 90-minute episode of Fantasy Island!

Episode 2.7 “Let the Good Times Roll/Nightmare/The Tiger”

(Dir by George McCowan, originally aired on November 4th, 1978)

This week’s supersized episode of Fantasy Island begins with Tattoo revealing that he’s come up with a new way to annoy Mr. Roarke.

Mr, Roarke rolls his eyes and dramatically sighs, especially when Tattoo makes the mistake of assuming that Roarke is a Pisces.  (“I am a Sagittarius!” Roarke snaps.)  For once, Mr. Roarke is right to be annoyed.  There’s no time for this foolishness this week!  We’ve got three fantasies to deal with!

For instance, Duke Manducci (Paul Sand) and Ernie “Smooth” Kowalski (Peter Isacksen) want to go back to the 1960s and relive their youth.  Duke was once known as the King of the Strip because he could outrace anyone.  Now, years later, Duke is just a guy working in a garage.  Roarke leads them to an exact recreation of the Strip.  The Strip is so perfectly recreated that even Donny Bonaduce shows up to make trouble.

Uh-oh, it turns out that Mr. Roarke has also invited all of Duke’s old friends to come take part in Duke’s fantasy.  Except, of course, none of them know that Duke is still working at the same gas station that he worked at as a teenager.  Duke ends up telling a lot of lies in order to convince them that he’s made a success of himself.   But when he falls for Sheila Crane (Mary Ann Mobley), he realizes that it’s time to be honest.  And when Bonaduce challenges him to a race, Duke eventually realizes that his racing days are over and it’s time for him to be a grown-up.  Duke not only learns an important lesson but he’s also offered a job working on a NASCAR pit crew.  Yay!

Meanwhile, Janine Sanford (Pamela Franklin) is haunted by a recurring nightmare.  She always has the dream at midnight and she’s never made it to the end of the dream without waking up.  She travels to Fantasy Island with her husband (Brett Halsey, who later starred in Fulci’s Touch of Death) and her father (Ray Milland).  Her fantasy is see how her nightmare ends.  Mr. Roarke takes her to what he calls the Nightmare House.

And, oh my God, this nightmare is seriously freaky!  We see it twice.  It involves Janine watching as all of her childhood toys catch on fire.  There’s even a clown that comes to life and go crazy at one point.

Janine’s father is convinced that the dream is linked to some sort of past trauma and he fears that Janine will be hurt if she relives it. 

It turns out the joke’s on him!  Janine’s nightmare is not about the past but the future.  It turns out that it was warning her that her father was going to be trapped in a fire.  When her father is indeed trapped in a fire, Janine is able to rescue him.  Yay!  What a great fantasy and I love a happy ending.  This fantasy is handled so well that it takes a while to realize that the show just kind of dropped the whole idea of Janine suffering from past trauma, despite the fact that her father seemed really worried about what she might end up remembering.  

Finally, for our third fantasy, Victor Duncan (Darren McGavin) is a Hemingwayesque writer who wants to go to India so he can hunt a legendary tiger.  How do you think that works out for him?

Yep, the tiger kills him.

Fear not, though!  Mr. Roarke explains to Tattoo that Victor was actually terminally ill and his fantasy was to die on Fantasy Island.  So, I guess that’s a happy ending.

I actually liked this episode, if just because it was throwback to season one when all of the fantasies were linked by a common theme.  Here the link is aging and growing up.  Duke and Victor both have to deal with the fact that they’re no longer young men.  Janine manages to put her nightmare behind her and move on.  These three fantasies all seemed to belong together, so there were none of the strange tonal shifts that I’ve noticed in some of the other episodes.  All in all, this was a good trip to Fantasy Island.

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 3.15 “Teen Mom” and 3.16 “Midnight Basketball”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

The saga of Indiana’s greatest basketball team continues.  I’ll always remember me and my friends at Hang Time….

Episode 3.15 “Teen Mom”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 1st, 1997)

Danny’s latest girlfriend, Sarah, is a teen mom!  Danny decides that, since he loves Sarah and he loves her son Max, he wants to marry her.  Sarah turns him down and Danny says that if she ever needs a babysitter, she knows who to call.  Then he leaves her house, alone.

Wow, what a depressing episode!  Give some credit to Chad Gabriel, who gives a good performance and who proves that he deserved to headline more episodes of this series than he did but still, this was definitely not a cheery episode.

Fortunately, there is a comedic B-plot, in which Kristy gets addicted to playing a video game called Killer Klown.  It  causes her to miss a photo shoot but … oh well!  KILLER KLOWN!

Episode 3.16 “Midnight Basketball”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 1st, 1997)

In a storyline that was used in not just one but three different episodes of Saved By The Bell, the school starts a teen line!

Coach Fuller takes charge of the teen line and, of course, the operators are the members of the basketball team.  Despite the fact that they went out on a date just two episodes ago, Michael is not sure that Julie likes him and Julie isn’t sure that Michael likes her.  They each call the teen line for advice.  Mary Beth tells Julie to throw herself at Michael.  Danny tells Michael to ignore Julie and “play hard to get.”  It’s terrible advice and it leads to a lot of confusion.  Eventually, Julie figures out why Michael has been ignoring her and they end up kissing while the audience goes wild.  Doesn’t anyone remember how badly all of Julie’s relationships tend to end?

Meanwhile, Teddy befriends a caller named Eric.  Eric keeps getting into fights because there’s nothing for him and his friends to do at night.  Breaking the rules of Teen Line (much as Zach Morris once did), Teddy meets with Eric.  Taking sympathy on Eric, Teddy arranges for a midnight basketball game at Deering High.  Eric and his friends are defeated and thoroughly humiliated by the Tornadoes.  Needless to say, Eric is not happy about that and he trashes the team’s locker room.  To be honest, I don’t blame Eric.  How are you going to invite people to your gym and then humiliate them in the middle of the night?

That said, after a heart-to-heart with Teddy, Eric returns to Deering to help clean up the locker room.  Teddy promises to mentor Eric.  We will probably never see Eric again.

I have to say that, even on a show like Hang Time, Anthony Anderson was already a good actor.  There’s a lot of heart and sincerity in his performance here and it makes the episode work even when it shouldn’t.

Rest In Peace to Lisa Loring, the original Wednesday Addams


Rest in peace to Lisa Loring, the original Wednesday Addams.  She passed away as the result of a stroke yesterday.  She was 64 years old.

Here she is, as Wednesday, teaching Lurch how not to be a square.