Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 4/30/23 — 5/6/23

Posted on May 6, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Accused (Tuesday Night, Fox)

As frustratingly uneven as Accused can be, this week’s episode was enjoyably melodramatic and over the top. A teenage girl’s attempt to find her real father led to her discovering that he not only lived right next door but that she was also on the verge of dating her half-brother! In this case, the big crime was breaking into a sperm bank. In many ways, it was a silly episode but it was also undeniably enjoyable. Accused should do more weird episodes like this and give the politics a rest.

Barry (Sunday Night, HBO)

Wow, what an unsettling episode this week! Cristobal is dead. NoHo Hank is back in the Chechen mob. Gene shot and probably killed his son. And, according to the time jump towards the end of the episode, Barry and Sally ended up living on a farm with a son named John. And, in the world of Barry, Sian Heder is following up CODA with the worst comic book movie since The Eternals. I’m looking forward to seeing where all of this goes but I have a feeling the show is building up to the most traumatic conclusion of all time. We’ll see if I’m right!

Beavis and Butt-Head (Paramount Plus)

Beavis and Butt-Head fell in the sewer and thought they were in Hell. Then, after that, Beavis ended up in the hospital and nearly died due to Butt-Head continually punching him in the testicles. Guys are weird.

The Coronation of Charles III (Saturday Morning, Everywhere)

Supposedly, the British are indifferent to Charles III’s official coronation but it certainly has been a big deal here in the States. Honestly, maybe the entire Royal Family should just move over here and take over again. They would be greeted as liberators!

Forgive or Forget (YouTube)

It was raining on Wednesday afternoon so Jeff and I watched some old 90s talk shows on YouTube. In an episode of Forgive or Forget, delinquent daughters were giving their mothers trouble. The show’s host, Mother Love, yelled at everyone and forced them to go backstage and think about all of their sins before then choosing whether or not to come through the door of forgiveness. Towards the end of the show, the format changed a little as a former out-of-control teen asked her mother to forgive her, just to have her mother refuse to come through the door. What a terrible mother. Seriously, this was a weird show.

Geraldo (YouTube)

It was raining on Wednesday afternoon so Jeff and I watched some old 90s talk shows on YouTube. We watched a 1996 episode of Geraldo, featuring a young-looking but still overdramatic Geraldo Rivera talking to girls who were in gangs. The highlight of the epiosde was when the current gang girls were confronted by former gang girls who accuse them all of being bad mothers. “My babies are more important than my homies!” one former gang girl announced while the audience went crazy.

Half Nelson (YouTube)

I wrote about the finale of Half Nelson here!

Jenny Jones (YouTube)

It was raining on Wednesday afternoon so Jeff and I watched some old 90s talk shows on YouTube. On the Jenny Jones show, the permanently flustered host talked to mothers and daughters who teamed up to “play more than one guy.” The mothers and the daughters would come out on stage. The audience would boo. “Be an appreciator, not a hater!” one mother yelled back. Nothing was really resolved by the end of this episode. To be honest, I wasn’t really sure what the point of it all was.

The second episode that we watched feature couples taking lie detector tests to determine whether or not they were cheating. The audience booed a lot. No cheating allowed! “WHY YOU STAYING WITH THAT MAN!?” some guy in the audience yelled. Jenny Jones looked really nervous.

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

This week, Cosgrove’s daughter became an important witness in Price’s case against the accused murderer. To me, it seems that, as soon as it became apparent that his daughter could be a part of the case, Cosgrove should have been taken off the investigation but Law & Order takes place in a world where “conflict of interest” is no big deal.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about this week’s episode of The Love Boat here!

Night Court (Tuesday Night, NBC)

Dan’s been appointed to a judgeship in Louisiana and is planning on leaving New York City without telling anyone. Dan is not the sentimental type. However, Abbi and Rand insist on throwing him a going away party. As usual, this show works best when it focus on John Larroquette and Melissa Rauch. I spent most of this episode marveling at just how tall Larroquette is. Especially standing next to Melissa Rauch, Larroquette appeared to be about 9 feet tall. (Of course, Melissa Rauch is only like 4’11 herself.) Anyway, Dan was about to leave for Louisiana when he got a call that Abbi was in jail and needed him to defend her. This led to the dreaded “To Be Continued” card.

Night Flight (Night Flight Plus)

This week, I watched a compilation of three episodes from 1991. I learned about European Rock and guitar gods!

Radio 1990 (Night Flight Plus)

This was apparently an entertainment-related news show that aired on PBS in the 80s (despite the name). I watched an episode from 1983 on Saturday morning. My favorite part was “Radio 1990 on the movies.” The week the show aired, the number one movie was Sudden Impact and Scarface had just been released.

Sally Jessy Raphael (YouTube)

It was raining on Wednesday afternoon so Jeff and I watched some old 90s talk shows on YouTube. The episode that we watched of this show dealt with out-of-control teens. The teens were angry and bratty but then they all got sent to boot camp. Most studies have confirmed that the whole boot camp thing was usually counter-productive but audiences just loved to watch wannaba drill sergeants scream at a bunch of bratty kids.

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I wrote about this week’s episode of Survivor here!

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 5.8 “Letters From Woo” and 5.9 “Senior Prom”

Posted on May 6, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing California Dreams, which ran on NBC from 1992 to 1996. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

It’s prom time at PCHS! But first….

Episode 5.8 “Letters From Woo”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 25, 1996)

The band is supposed to practice but Sam says it will have to wait because she’s making a “video letter” for her uncle back in Hong Kong. She and the members of the Dreams discuss all of the wacky adventures that they’ve had and …. oh, it’s a clip show!

I’ll never forget that time I said, “Let’s move on….”

Episode 5.9 “Senior Prom”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 2nd, 1996)

Poor Mark!

Seriously, Mark Winkle was the nicest member of the California Dreams and yet he always seemed to be the one who ended up getting screwed over. Consider what happens in this episode:

PCHS has prom fever! Tony & Sam and Jake & Tiffani are running for Prom King and Queen but Mark is more concerned about getting a date with Erica. He’s had a crush on Erica since forever but he’s too shy to talk to her. When he finally does work up the courage to ask her, she says yes. Yay! But, on the day of the prom, she dumps him and tells him that she’s going to the prom with her ex-boyfriend, Dave.

Unfortunately, his friends can’t be there for him because they’re competing like crazy to be named King and Queen. Lorena and Sly don’t help matters by making a bet on who is going to win. Lorena supports Jake and Tiffani because she thinks that they have more class than Sam and Tony. Sly supports Sam and Tony because he thinks they have more of a populist appeal than Jake and Tiffani. Mark, poor dateless Mark, is trapped in the middle.

(Myself, I’m just wondering how a biker and a surfer would have less populist appeal than a wealthy exchange student. For that matter, since when have Jake and Tiffani had any class at all? One of the reasons why Lorena and Jake broke up was because Jake was way too crude for Lorena’s tastes.)

To make matters even worse, Sly has booked the Dreams to play a prom at a junior high on the same day as the high school prom. Everyone tells Sly that it’s a terrible idea but then again, everyone could also use the money. Unfortunately, the gig is a bust because one the amps blows up on stage. Then, while the Dreams are trying to get back for their own prom, their van breaks down in the middle of nowhere! As the Dreams try to flag down a ride, word comes over the radio that the PCHS Prom King and Queen are …. ERICA AND HER DATE, DAVE!

The leads to even more fighting until Mark yells at everyone for being selfish and makes them see the errors of their way. The Dreams, now reunited in love and friendship, have their own prom on the side of the road. Sly dances with Lorena. Tony dances with Sam. Jake dances with Tiff. And Mark …. well, he gets to play guitar. Mark may have saved the band but he still has to spend the prom alone. POOR MARK!

Seriously, there was a lot I liked about this episode. The cast’s chemistry was on fire. Everyone looked good in their prom outfits. But, at the end of the episode, you couldn’t help but feel that Mark really got screwed over.

Next week, Sam is cast on a show called Babewatch! I wonder what that’s based on….

Retro Television Reviews: Half Nelson 1.9 “Beverly Hills Princess”

Posted on May 5, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Half Nelson, which ran on NBC from March to May of 1985. Almost all nine of the show’s episodes can be found on YouTube!

Today, we close the book on the adventures of Rocky Nelson in Beverly Hills.

Episode 1.9 “Beverly Hills Princess”

(Dir by Bernard McEveety, originally aired on May 10th, 1985)

The hottest new thing in Beverly Hills is a movement called Emotional Awareness. Led by the slick Dexter Breen (played by Marjoe Gortner, who was himself a former child evangelist) EA is a self-improvement cult that definitely should not be mistaken for Scientology. Not surprisingly, EA is a scam. Dexter and his people encourage the rich and the powerful to confess all of their secrets during “Awareness Sessions” and then use those secrets to blackmail their followers.

Businessman George Farrell (Dick Van Patten) is sick of being blackmailed. However, when George tries to confront Dexter, he gets into a struggle with one of Dexter’s goons. The goon has a gun, which goes off. Fear not, George is not wounded. However, he is arrested for murder when the goon drops dead. Because George doesn’t want to admit that Dexter was blackmailing over him over an affair he had with a congresswoman, George finds himself sitting in prison.

Fortunately, George Farrell is a client of Beverly Hills Security! After being approached by George’s 14 year-old daughter, Leslie (Sydney Penny), Rocky (Joe Pesci, who was shorter than Sydney Penny) makes it his mission to prove that George didn’t mean to kill anyone. To do this, he’ll visit two more of Dexter’s victims (played, in this week’s cameos, by Rich Little and Lyle Waggoner). He’ll also steal several cars, including a police car. Why is Rocky stealing cars? Because he keeps wrecking them, of course! Detective Hamill (Gary Grubbs) isn’t happy about all of the wrecked cars. When he demands to know why Chester (Fred Williamson) keeps Rocky employed despite all of Rocky’s mishaps, Chester replies, “Because he cares!”

As usual, Rocky recruits Beau (Dick Butkus), Kurt (Bubba Smith), and Annie (Victoria Jackson) to help him out. When Rocky discovers that one of Dexter’s victims is holding auditions for a drag revue, Rocky decides that Annie should audition. “But I’m a real woman!” Annie replies. At this point, I was expecting thing to get pretty cringey but, by the standards of when the show was produced, the whole drag revue subplot was handled with maturity and with a relative lack of cheap jokes. I sat there dreading the moment that Bubba Smith and Dick Butkus would put on ball gowns and start speaking in falsetto but it didn’t happen. Instead, they just mentioned how talented all of the performers were. It was pretty clear that the director of the revue was being blackmailed because he was gay but, again in contrast to a lot of shows and movies from the period, both the show and Rocky treated the character with respect. It was an unexpected moment in a show that many would probably dismiss as just being another generic detective series.

While Rocky is stealing cars, Dean Martin is searching for his. No, Rocky didn’t steal Dean’s car. According to Dean, Sammy Davis, Jr. stole it. In this episode, Dean shares all of his scenes with Fred Williamson. Because this was Half Nelson‘s final episode, this was also Dean Martin’s last onscreen moment. Dean passed away ten years later.

Yes, this was indeed the final episode of Half Nelson. In fact, towards the end of the episode, Rocky crashes Chester’s car and then comments that he’s probably going to get fired as a result. Since this was the final episode, I guess we can assume that, once George got out of prison, Rocky was unemployed and on the next flight back to New York City. I hope he got to take the dog with him.

As for the episode itself, it wasn’t a bad way to wrap things up. Everyone got to do something. Chester defended Rocky, for once. Victoria Jackson got to sing a song. Joe Pesci got one final chance to make a joke about his height, snapping that he was “5’4,” when he heard a report that a car had been stolen by a man standing “5’2.” Dean Martin was clearly unwell during filming but he still had a devilish twinkle in his eye. As always, Marjoe Gortner was a good villain. On the negative side, Rocky didn’t so much solve the mystery as he just stumbled into solutions and Detective Hamill’s intense dislike of Rocky never made any sense. As well, Hamill and Annie were dating in the previous episode but they barely even acknowledged each other in this one, which leads me to suspect that this episode was originally meant to air earlier than it did.

Having now watched the entire show, it’s easy to see why Half Nelson failed to attract a regular audience, despite it’s strong pilot. The show never really found the right balance between comedy and drama and, far too often, it turned into a retread of Beverly Hills Cop. The ensemble often felt underused, with Jackson and Williamson spending far too much of their time sitting in the office. The show had a great star in Joe Pesci but many episodes got bogged down with the antics of Bubba Smith and Dick Butkus.

Here’s the thing, though. The show was always interesting, specifically because it did star Joe Pesci. There was something undeniably fun about having stolid TV actors — like Robert Reed and Dick Van Patten — appearing opposite a combustible force of nature like Joe Pesci. Though there were a few times that Pesci did seem a bit bored with going through the detective show motions, he was still a force of chaos and, by his very presence, he made Half Nelson into something more than just another generic crime show.

Next week, we start Freddy’s Nightmares!

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 4.20 “Unhappy Hour” and 4.21 “Compromising Principal”

Posted on May 4, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001. Nearly the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, everyone has too much to drink and Ms. Noble tries to win a contest!

Episode 4.20 “Unhappy Hour”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on December 2nd, 2000)

Ms. Noble’s best friend, Kiki, hosts her town talk show because of course she does. (How does a high school principal have all of these connections?) Kiki wants to do a show featuring the students of Manny High discussing the importance of friendship. To be honest, that sounds like the most boring show in the world but whatever. Chris, Jamal, Dawn, Cassidy, Al, and L-Train all agree to be on it.

Cassidy’s parents are out of town so everyone ends up at her penthouse to discuss what they’re going to say on the show. But before the discussion even begins, Al has brought over four pizzas and L-Train has discovered a bottle of Tequila! Before you know it, everyone’s drunk. (Apparently, no one learned a lesson from any of the other episodes of this show that featured everyone getting drunk and suffering as a result.) Al and L-Train throws eggs off the balcony. Chris tries to work up the courage to tell Cassidy how he feels about her, which is interesting since Chris and Cassidy dated during the second season so it’s not as if Cassidy doesn’t know that Chris has feelings for her. Cassidy is so drunk that she kisses Jamal instead. Chris gets mad and kiss Dawn. Al gets mad and has no one to kiss. Meanwhile, L-Train calls Ms. Noble at school and tells her that he loves her.

Big mistake.

Ms. Noble and her husband, Billy, break into Cassidy’s penthouse and yell at the students for drinking too much. Apparently, it’s not bad enough that Ms. Noble’s entire life revolves around spying on her students. Now, Billy has had to sacrifice his freedom as well. The next morning, the kids are hungover and angry but they still have to go on Kiki’s show.

“Why did you drink so much?” Kiki asks.

Dawn confesses that they were all stupid and now they’re all suffering from the worst hangover ever while appearing on live television. Chris apologizes for kissing Dawn. Cassidy confessed to like Chris. Al says that he can’t forgive Chris for kissing his girlfriend. “How could you do such a stupid thing!?” Jamal suddenly gets angry and says that Al was just as stupid for throwing eggs off the balcony. Personally, I kind of think that kissing your best friend’s significant other is considerably worse than tossing eggs off of a balcony but maybe that’s just me.

“I guess you guys realize that drinking isn’t all it was made out to be,” Kiki says.

“Don’t let one drunken night ruin your friendships,” Ms. Noble says, as if this doesn’t happen at least once every season.

Actually, if they didn’t realize it after all the other episodes this show has done about drinking and doing drugs, they’re never going to realize it. Face it, the City Guys are doomed!

Episode 4.21 “Compromising Principal”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on December 9th, 2000)

This is what happens, according to plot description at Wikipedia: “When Ms. Noble decides to loosen up and be more cool in order to win a most popular principal contest, the school turns into an undisciplined zoo. In the midst of the chaos, the gang try their hand at after school elective classes.”

Wow, sounds exciting! Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), this is one of the missing episodes of City Guys. As far as I can tell, it’s not streaming anywhere as of this writing. So, let’s just assume that everyone learned an important lesson and that the students once again spent way too much time worrying about their principal.

Seriously, a most popular principal contest?

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.12 “The Captain’s Cup/ The Folks From Home/ Legal Eagle”

Posted on May 3, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, the Love Boat departs on one weird cruise.

Episode 2.12 “The Captain’s Cup / The Folks from Home / Legal Eagle”

(Dir by Alan Rafkin, originally aired on December 2nd, 1978)

This was a strange episode.

Let’s start with the simplest of our three stories first. Danny Holt (Bert Convy) is recently divorced and still crying over having to pay his wife alimony. When he boards the boat, he specifically asks Gopher if there are any single men onboard who might be interested in marrying his ex-wife. His ex isn’t even on the cruise! Danny is one bitter passenger. From the minute he boards the boat, he’s whining about how unfair his divorce was and how badly he was treated by his wife’s divorce lawyer, Ann Sterling (Leigh Taylor-Young).

Uh-oh, it turns out that Ann is one the cruise as well! And she’s been assigned to be Danny’s dinner companion. Danny isn’t happy about this but then, from out of seemingly nowhere, the two of them end of falling in love. It’s hard to say why they suddenly fall in love. Danny is superbitter over his divorce and Ann knows all of the details about what type of husband he was so it seems like the last thing that would ever happen would be them leaving the ship, arm-in-arm. But somehow, that’s what happens. It was a straight-forward story but it lacked any scenes that would have explained why the two of them fell in love. They just did because they were characters on The Love Boat. (It certainly wasn’t due to any noticeable romantic chemistry between Bert Convy and Leigh Taylor-Young.) This story felt lazy and generic.

In the episode’s second storyline, Captain Stubing is excited because he’s due to receive the Captain of the Year Cup. Diane DiMarzo (Florence Henderson, proving that former Bradys just cannot stay off The Love Boat) boards the ship with the Cup but she’s shocked to discover that 1) her boss — the guy who actually decided to give Stubing the Cup — will not be on the ship and 2) Stubing fully expects her boss to personally present him with the Cup. Now, I’m not really sure how the logic works here but apparently, Diane could lose her job if her boss isn’t there to give Stubing the cup. But why would that be Diane’s problem? She did what she was supposed to do. She boarded the ship with the Cup. Her boss is the one who decided not to show up and he is the boss so it’s not like there was anything Diane could have done about it.

Anyway, Diane recruits one of the ship’s handymen to pretend to be her boss. Though he works on the boat and the rest of the crew know him, it appears that the Captain himself has never met Hank Vosnik (Pat Harrington, Jr.), which kind of leads one to wonder if Stubing really deserves his award. Anyway, Hank falls in love with Diane and is crestfallen when she turns down his marriage proposal. (Seriously, at this point, they had only known each other for like three days so I’m not sure what Hank was expecting.) But, despite being turned down, Hank still pretends to be Diane’s boss. So, Diane decides that she might as well marry him. WHAT!?

Finally, Doc Bricker is happy to meet two passengers from his hometown. George (John McIntire) and Gloria (Jeanette Nolan) spend every moment with Doc and they even announce that, as far as they’re concerned, the 40-something Doc is a member of their family. Doc is touched. But then Gloria falls down a flight of stairs and Doc has to do emergency surgery on her. Gopher calls a doctor in San Francisco and he talks Doc through the surgery. Doc removes Gloria’s spleen and saves her life! Yay! Only at the end of the surgery does he get George to sign a consent form. In real life, that would lead to Doc to losing his job and the cruise line getting sued. But, on The Love Boat, it just leads to more laughter.

On the plus side, this storyline featured the charming performances of McIntire and Nolan, who were married in real life. The story was also written by Fred “Gopher” Grandy and Bernie “Doc” Kopell so, not surprisingly, it actually allowed Grandy and Kopell to do something more than just leer at the passengers. The show rarely gave Grandy or Kopell a chance to show off the fact that they were both capable of giving good dramatic performances so, whenever they got that rare chance to do so, they took advantage of it. That said, it was still a bit awkward to see Doc suddenly performing major surgery in his tiny examination room. It was all for the best on the show but, in real life, it would have led to a major lawsuit. Even though Doc Bricker saved Gloria’s life, it still seems like the ship could probably be held liable for her getting injured in the first place. I mean, the boat is in the middle of the ocean. Shouldn’t there at least be a warning posted on the stairs?

Well, who knows? Strange things happen at sea. Let’s just be happy that everything worked out in the end.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 2.20 “Birthday Party/Ghostbreaker”

Posted on May 2, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Mr. Roarke reunites a family and arranges for a man to battle a “ghost.”

Episode 2.20 “Birthday Party/Ghostbreaker”

(Dir by Cliff Bole, originally aired on March 3rd, 1979)

This week, Tattoo has both a joy buzzer and a pink carnation that squirts water. He explains to Mr. Roarke that he read somewhere the women love a man with a sense of humor. “I want to be the king of humor on Fantasy Island,” he explains.

“Lucky us,” Mr. Roarke replies while dramatically rolling his eyes and reminding viewers of just how much he despises his scene-stealing assistant.

As for the two fantasies, this is another episode where the fantasies don’t really seem like they should be happening on the same island. One is rather serious. The other is a bit cartoonish.

The first guest to get off the plane is Elliott Fielding (Ken Berry), a librarian who believes in ghosts and who is pretty sure that he knows how to exorcise a ghost from a haunted location. He’s so confident that he’s even written a book about it. However, because Elliott has never actually seen a ghost, no one is willing to publish his book. Elliott’s fantasy is to exorcise a real ghost and prove that his theories are true. Mr. Roarke obliges by taking him to a mansion that Roarke explains was once occupied by a murderer known as the Gentleman Strangler. Now, however, it’s a private all-girls boarding school! (This is one of those episodes that leaves the viewer wondering just what exactly Fantasy Island is exactly. When the show started, it was just a resort. Now, it appears to have become a thriving nation, home to not only industry but also an exclusive boarding school.)

The school’s students have been reporting sightings of the ghost of the Gentleman Strangler. Elliott sets out to exorcise the ghost and along the way, he falls in love with the school’s headmistress (Annette Funicello). He also finds an enemy in the form of the school’s fencing instructor (Larry Storch). Oddly there aren’t any other teachers at the school so I guess the students just spend all of their learning how to fence.

This was an odd fantasy because, on the one hand, you had this ghost potentially threatening to strangle a bunch of teenage girls and, on the other hand, you had the very broad comedy of Ken Berry and Larry Storch facing off. Of course, it turns out that there really wasn’t a ghost haunting the school so, at first, it appears that Elliott’s fantasy didn’t come true. However, after Elliott leaves, Roarke explains to Tattoo that Elliott actually did meet a ghost when he had a conversation with a helpful handyman. That probably would have been a good thing to let Elliott know before he left but …. well, Mr. Roarke does what he wants. If there’s any lesson to be learned from watching Fantasy Island, it’s that Mr. Roarke makes the rules and it is best to never question his arbitrary decisions.

Meanwhile, Carol Gates (Janet Leigh) comes to the island to be reunited with the twins (Skye Aubrey and Christopher Stone) that she gave up for her adoption. I was expecting the twins to reject her or to be angry. Instead, with her support, her son gets signed to a football team and her daughter decides not give her own children up for adoption. Yay! It was a bit of an easy fantasy, with little of the drama that I was expecting. But Janet Leigh was a talented actress and she’s good here, bringing a lot of genuine emotion the story.

The fantasies were a bit mismatched but I like ghost stories (even when they’re a bit silly) and Janet Leigh is one of my favorite actresses so this trip to Fantasy Island was worth it.

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 4.15 “The Tall And The Short Of It” and 4.16 “Just Friends”

Posted on May 1, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Today, YouTube makes watching Hang Time difficult!

Episode 4.15 “The Tall and the Short Of It”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 31st, 1998)

Rico has finally got a girlfriend! She loves video games and basketball almost as much as he does! The problem, as far as Rico is concerned, is that Rico is short and Gail (Bree Turner) is tall. Rico is worried that the team will make fun of him because of the height difference and, from what we’ve seen of the team, he’s probably right. Then again, Rico was addicted to marijuana just a few weeks ago so maybe he’s still having episodes of paranoia.

When the team starts to suggest that Rico is lying about having a girlfriend, Rico decides that the best possible solution would be pay his cousin, Lisa (Constance Zimmer, who later starred on Unreal), ten dollars to pretend to be his girlfriend. Knowing Rico, that’s probably not the first time he’s paid a cousin to make out with him. Needless to say Gail sees Rico with Lisa (who, at least, has a good name) and she breaks up with him. But then Rico apologizes and dances with her at the school’s 70s party so I guess everything’s resolved.

Honestly, who cares? It’s Rico. Rico makes Vince seem like an interesting character.

While this was going on, Mary Beth searched for Hammer’s lucky jacket, which she lost after he gave it to her for safekeeping. Don’t worry. She found it.

Episode 4.16 “Just Friends”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 31st, 1998)

In this episode….

OH MY GOD! IT’S NOT ON YOUTUBE!

Yep, it’s sad but it’s true. As far as I can tell there are only two episodes of Hang Time that can’t be found online and this is one of them. Obviously, I can’t review this episode but I can tell you what apparently happened.

According to the imdb, this episode found the team working, once again, as counselors at a basketball camp. You may remember that Coach Fuller bought the camp last season. Fuller’s gone but apparently, the camp is still a thing and now Coach K. is in charge of it. Did Coach K. buy the camp or did Fuller ask him to keep an eye on it? I can’t tell you because I can’t watch the episode but, from my knowledge of Hang Time, I have a feeling this question was probably never even addressed.

Anyway, it appears that this episode featured Julie kissing some other guy and realizing that she and Michael were better as just friends. Poor Michael! What’s funny is that, at this point, I’m so used to Julie cheating on her boyfriends and then making them feel as if it’s their fault that I feel as if I’ve seen this show without having seen it.

6 Things I Am Looking Forward To In May

Posted on May 1, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to the month of May! Here’s a few things that I’m looking forward to over the next 31 days!

Cannes Film Festival

The 76th annual Cannes Film Festival will be taking place from May 16th to May 27th! Along with discovering which films will be honored by the Ruben Ostlund-led jury, we will also be getting initial reactions to Asteroid City, Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny, and Killers of the Flower Moon. While doing well at Cannes is hardly a requirement for being an Oscar contender, it certainly doesn’t hurt.

2. Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 3

Admittedly, I’ve kind of grown a bit weary of the MCU. I’m among those who feel like it all should have just ended with Tony Stark’s funeral at the end of Endgame. However, I’m still looking forward to the third Guardians of the Galaxy film. Seriously, who can resist Peter Quill, Groot, Drax, Rocket, and Gamora? Plus, James Gunn is once again in the director’s chair. Hopefully, they can bring some fun back to the MCU because, after The Eternals and all that, the MCU could definitely use it. Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 3 is due to open on the 5th.

3. Fast X

I can’t help it. I like fast cars and I like movies about fast cars. Despite the fact that the franchise has started to show its age, I’ll always be willing to check in on the adventures of Toretto and the gang. Fast X opens on May 19th.

4. Your Hurt My Feelings

I’ve heard very good things about the latest film from Nicole Holofcener and also about Julia Louis-Dreyfus’s starring performance. You Hurt My Feelings opens on May 26th.

5. The Finale of Barry

HBO’s Barry is set to wrap up its story on May 28th. I can’t wait to see how it all ends, even if I am a bit worried that all of my favorite characters are going to be dead by the time the final credits roll.

6. The Televised Coronation of Charles III

Seriously, how often do you get to watch a coronation? We’ll get our chance on May 6th! If nothing else, it’ll remind those of us in America of why we had a revolution. Or, depending on how Charles does, it’ll make us reconsider the revolution in the first place. Either way, it’ll get some sort of reaction.

What are you looking forward to in the month of May?

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 4/23/23 — 4/29/23

Posted on April 29, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, I definitely watched more movies than television. Here’s a few thoughts on what I did watch!

Accused (Tuesday Night, Fox)

This week’s episode was pretty good. Adam Bakri, who played Samir, played obsessed well. Accused is a fairly uneven show, which is to be expected considering that every episode has a different director, writer, and cast. But this week’s episode did a good job of holding my interest for the entire running time.

Are You Being Served? (Sunday Night, PBS)

This extremely broad British sitcom pops up on PBS occasionally. I’ve never been that impressed with it, despite the fact that it was made by the same people who made Allo Allo. To be honest, I kind of resent that my PBS station has replaced Allo Allo with this. Anyway, this week’s episode featured the tacky employees of a tacky department store trying to stay warm despite the cold weather and the store’s lack of heat. No one died during the episode so I guess they succeeded. I honestly didn’t pay much attention.

Barry (Sunday Night, HBO)

Oh my God, it’s Guillermo del Toro! This was another great episode, though I did feel bad for everyone who got shot at the end of it. The assassins with the podcast were a good example of what this show does so well. I also loved the class’s reaction to Sally trying to use Gene’s methods to teach her class.

Beavis and Butt-Head (Paramount Plus)

Okay, seriously, Old Beavis and Old Butt-Head freak me the fuq out! It’s always so jarring to see a story about them as adults paired up with a story about them as teenagers. To be honest, it’s kind of depressing. I mean, it’s not like it’s a shock that they’re going to grow up to be losers but still, Butt-Head is a heart attack waiting to happen and Beavis reminds me of this old guy who always tries to talk to me whenever I find myself near Dealey Plaza in downtown Dallas. Of course, the old guy only has one arm and even less teeth than Beavis but still, they have the same jawline.

Anyway, it was a funny episode this week. Teenage Beavis and Butt-Head’s utter stupidity and lack of physical ability while trying to egg the house made me laugh. It’s just sad to realize that they’re peaking in high school. Throwing an egg in a tree is as good as its ever going to get for the two of them.

Oh well. At least Smart Beavis and Smart Butt-Head are getting to enjoy the universe.

Beef (Netflix)

I finished watching Beef on Sunday. You can count me amongst those who suspect that the final episode was actually a dream. Anyway, it was an excellent show. I kind of hope that there aren’t any more seasons because I really can’t imagine anything topping what’s already been done.

Dirty Pair (YouTube)

Anime action! I watched another episode of Dirty Pair on Saturday morning. I had no idea what was going on but a lot of stuff blew up.

Farmer Wants A Wife (Wednesday Night, Fox)

This show is definitely one of my favorite reality shows right now, even though that’s largely due to it providing an antidote for the ickiness of the previous season of The Bachelor. That said, I can’t help but notice that the show makes it look like farming is all rodeos and barn dances. I have farmers in my family and, believe it or not, they go to the movies, they liked to read, and sometimes they just like to stay at home and binge whatever’s on Netflix. Hopefully, the potential wives understand that not every night is going to involve a barn dance. Anyway, the farmers still do not have wives.

Half Nelson (YouTube)

You can check out my thoughts on this week’s episode by clicking here. Only one more episode to go and then I’ll be moving on to Freddy’s Nightmares.

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

To be honest, I nearly turned off this week’s episode when it opened with a congresswoman talking about how she had to go to a “freedom caucus” meeting because the Law & Order reboot has always been at its worse whenever its tried to deal with politics. In general, anyone who is to the right of Bernie Sanders is usually portrayed as being pure evil on Law & Order and that was certainly what happened this week as the token Republican congresswoman repeatedly complained that her husband’s murder was bad for her career. That said, the case itself was actually an interesting one and, for once, the episode was willing to admit that people can genuinely disagree with each other without having nefarious motives for doing so. This week’s trial dilemma had no easy answers.

Price and Maroun continue to be two of the most inconsistently-written characters on television. When the reboot started, Maroun was unquestionably loyal to Price and her devotion actually came across as being a bit creepy. One got the feeling that she would murder someone if Price told her to. Over the last few episodes, though, Maroun has been disagreeing with Price on everything and essentially suggesting that he’s just not very good at his job. Personally, I prefer the perpetually annoyed Maroun to the meek Maroun of the past. Price, meanwhile, abruptly went from being a self-righteous liberal to being a self-righteous pragmatist.

This week’s episode deserves some credit for ending with Price having to cut a deal to get a conviction. Far too often, Law & Order has portrayed Price as being “Super Lawyer,” with his superpower being the ability to get a conviction despite having a ludicrous weak case. Infallible Price was almost as annoying as Meek Maroun. Talented but still flawed Price, on the other hand, has the potential to be a far more interesting character.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here.

Night Court (Tuesday Night, NBC)

*Yawn* From what I understand, this show is doing well in the ratings but I have to imagine that’s entirely due to Melissa Rauch and John Larroquette. Whenever an episode spends a good deal of time with any of the other characters, like this week’s did with Neil reuniting with his high school crush, it’s torturously dull. At this point, it’s pretty obvious that Abbi is going to break up with Rand at the end of the season and season 2 will find her newly single.

Night Flight (Night Flight Plus)

The episode that I watched on Friday night was about African music of the 80s. It was an interesting history lesson.

The Old Guys (Sunday Night, PBS)

PBS is showing The Old Guys again. This week’s episode featured the old guys going out on what turned out to be a triple date. The jokes were obvious but the cast was likable.

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I was sorry to see Kane voted out this week but I was even more sorry that apparently, not a single fake idol is going to be used this season! Seriously, this season had three fake immunity idols and now, they’re all out of the game without anyone trying to play even one of them! I know I seem to say this every week but I really miss old school Survivor, where Jeff Probst openly ridiculed the players and we didn’t learn anything about their lives back on the mainland. Now, everyone has a sob story and Probst is all “Up with people!” It just feels weird. You can read more of my thoughts on this week’s episode here!

Waco: The Aftermath (Sunday Night, Showtime)

This episode featured great work from Michael Shannon as the FBI agent who still feels guilty for his part in creating the monster that he’s now having to fight. Elohim City, by the way, is a real place and it still exists. This is an interesting series and one that deserves a bit more attention than it’s been getting.

Yellowjackets (Sunday Night, Showtime)

Last night, in the 90s, Misty killed the most annoying of the survivors. In the present, Taissa went to the home of the 2nd-most annoying of the survivors so, if nothing else, we know that Van’s going to be around for a while. Speaking of annoying, Callie finally figured out that her new boyfriend is cop so she lied and said that Shauna had been having an affair with Randy Walsh. You kind of have to wonder what Randy thinks about some of the things he’s been put through over the past few days.

Yes, Minister (Monday Morning, PBS)

Oh well! Even if PBS is no longer showing Allo Allo, at least they brought back Yes, Minster. This week’s episode was the one in which Hacker’s daughter planned a protest to save a colony of badgers and Sir Humphrey had to make plans to save Hacker from embarrassment. This was also the episode in which Hacker decided that he was tired of the civil servants keeping secrets and tasks from him, just to then discover how much pointless minutia truly goes into being a member of the government. It was very British and it was very funny.

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 5.6 “Reel Teens” and 5.7 “Father Knows Bets”

Posted on April 29, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, we finally meet Sly’s father!

Episode 5.6 “Reel Teens”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 12th, 1996)

Reel Teens, a reality show, follows around Jake and the California Dreams for a week and reports on how they handle stress. Since this episode is from the 90s, the entire episode is shot in the style of the Real World, with skewed camera angles, colorful title cards, and random use of black-and-white. Though Jake assures the viewing audience that “Jake Sommers doesn’t do stress,” it turns out that he actually has a lot of stress. Jake has to fix Tiffani’s car. He has to write a song by Friday. He has to turn in his term paper and, for his home economics class, he has to sew a wedding dress.

I enjoyed this episode. It was actually a pretty clever satire of 90s-style reality television. Plus. Jake’s wedding dress was actually really nice. Good for him!

Episode 5.7 “Father Knows Bets”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 19th, 1996)

After five seasons, we finally get to meet Sly’s father! To be honest, I was expecting him to be some sort of greasy, used car salesman type of guy. I was thinking of maybe the TNBC version of Frank Reynolds from It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. Instead, it turns out that he’s a high-powered businessman who had apparently never been a part of Sly’s life. In fact, his father is so neglectful that all of Sly’s bad and obnoxious behavior suddenly makes perfect sense.

However, in this episode, Sly finally goes too far when he develops a gambling addiction. Sly wins his first few bets and then he loses big. And, since Sly made the mistake of putting the band’s equipment up as a collateral, the Dreams lose big too. Sly sells his car in order to pay back the band but, by this point, Jake has already called Sly’s father and told him what’s going on. Sly and his father finally have a heart-to-heart talk outside of Sharky’s and you know what? It’s actually extremely touching. By the end of this show, Michael Cade had developed into a very good actor and he proves it in this episode.

Meanwhile, all of the school is wondering who will be given the Himalaya Award, which honors the most unique student. Tony is on the committee and he whispers to everyone that the winner will be Jake. However, it turns out that the winner is Tony and the rest of the committee lied to him because they knew Tony couldn’t keep a secret. “I can keep a secret!” Tony says, in front of all the people who he previously told Jake was going to win.

Hey, it made me laugh!

This was a good episode. if you need proof of just how much better California Dreams was than the other Peter Engel-produced sitcoms of the 90s, compare this episode to the Saved By The Bell episode were Zack Morris talked to his Dad or the City Guys episode where Chris found out his parents were getting divorced.

Coming up next week, a clip show and a senior prom!