Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. Almost entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube!
Let’s see what’s happening on the Island this week….
Episode 3.12 “The Cheerleaders/Marooned”
(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on December 8th, 1979)
I’m just going to be honest here. This week’s episode of Fantasy Island is not a good one. Neither one of the fantasies work. In fact, they’re both really, really annoying. Usually, this show does a fairly good job of balancing a fun fantasy with a serious fantasy. This episode, though, both fantasies are meant to be humorous. They’re not. They are both rather shrill.
That said, this episode did feature the return of Roarke and Tattoo bantering before going to meet their guests. When Roarke steps out of his office to meet the plane, he’s surprised to see that Tattoo is hiding in a red fire hydrant costume. When Roarke demands to know what Tattoo is doing, Tattoo explains that he’s training to be a secret agent. Roarke rolls his eyes so violently that I’m surprised he didn’t injure himself. Later, Tattoo attempts to disguises himself as a bale of hay and ends up getting chased by an enraged bull that just happens to be wandering around the Island. Roarke laughs and laughs because there’s nothing that makes him happier than the idea of his assistant suffering a terrible injury. That said, though it was all a bit mean-spirted, it was nice to see the return of the banter.
As for the two fantasies …. God, I don’t even want to talk about them.
The marginally more interesting one featured Vic Tayback as a blue collar guy named Melvyn whose fantasy was to spend some time with his favorite movie star, a total diva named Liz Merrill (Jayne Meadows). When Liz shows up on the Island, it turns out that her fantasy is for everyone to think that she’s lost at sea before she’s eventually found on a tropical island. She’s told that Melvyn has been hired to row the boat taking her to the island. Instead, Melvyn and Liz get lost and really do end up on a deserted island, where Liz eventually drops her arrogant attitude and Melvyn wins her love by barking orders at her. The fact that this was the “better” fantasy should tell you just how bad the other fantasy was.
The other fantasy features Georgia Engel and Patty McCormack as Cathy and Marg, two roommates whose fantasy is to be cheerleaders for their favorite football team, the Titans. Fortunately, the Titans training camp happens to be on Fantasy Island! Marg has a crush on quarterback Roger Mosely (played by Dan Pastorini) but Roger is more interested in Cathy. This leads to the two friends not being friends anymore but then Mr. Roarke tells them that there’s nothing more important than friendship. It’s a nice message but it’s hard to believe either Georgia Engel or Patty McCormack as cheerleaders and Engel and Pastorini had absolutely zero chemistry. The whole thing just felt too silly for its own good.
(I even forced Erin to watch this episode with me so that I could get her perspective as a former cheerleader. She agreed with me. As far as cheerleader stories go, this was no Bring It On.)
Sigh. This week’s episode was not great. Hopefully, next week’s will be better!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!
This week, it’s time for the team’s final game ever!
Episode 6.9 “For Love Of the Game”
(Dir by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on November 18th, 2000)
Hey, we’re back at the University of Indiana, where the Tornadoes are still playing in that tournament. How long do these tournaments last? Every season Hang Time had a tournament story arc that went on forever. Do the Torandoes even go to class at this point?
Speaking of going to class, Julie is worried because she still hasn’t been offered a scholarship from the University of Connecticut. For some reason, Julie, Kristy, and Mary Beth insist on referring to the school as being “UConn.” “UConn do it!” Kristy says at one point. I don’t know. Maybe the University of Connecticut is actually known as UConn. I don’t really pay much attention to those little mid-Atlantic states. Does anyone?
Anyway, for some reason, Kristy and Mary Beth decide it would be a good idea to pretend to be recruiters so that they can tell the UConn recruiter that they’re really interested in Julie. They talk to a woman in a UConn jacket and the woman says that her college is not interested in Julie. Kristy and Mary Beth get upset and walk away. What they don’t realize was that the woman was only borrowing the jacket and UConn is totally planning on offering Julie a full scholarship!
For some reason (there’s that term again), Mary Beth decides to call the UConn recruiter and tell her off but, instead of doing it under her name, she calls and claims to be Julie. (Who does this?) Later, Mary Beth and Kristy run into the real UConn recruiter and discover that he’s going to offer Julie a scholarship. So now, Mary Beth and Kristy have to sneak into the man’s hotel room and delete their message before he hears it!
*Sigh*
I’ve mentioned many times before that I can’t stand stories that are dependent on everyone acting like an idiot. And this is one of those stories. I mean, Mary Beth and Kristy pretending to be recruiters is kind of funny but Mary Beth pretending to be Julie and telling off a recruiter is just stupid. Fortunately, though, Julie still gets her scholarship.
While this is going on, the team is freaking out about their next game because they’re currently undefeated and each player is afraid of being the person who screws up the season. Coach K yells at them until they remember that the game should be fun and, after trailing the entire game, the Tornadoes win by one basket. Again.
“That was our last play as a team,” Michael says. Awwwwwww!
This was a silly episode that got on my nerves. Let’s move on.
Episode 6.10 “A Night To Remember”
(Dir by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on December 2nd, 2000)
It’s prom time!
Unfortunately, the school made the mistake of naming Julie, Kristy, and Mary Beth as the heads of the prom committee. Everyone predicts that the three of them will end up fighting, just as they do whenever they try to work together. And that’s exactly what happens. Not only does Kristy lose all the money for the prom but Kristy, Julie, and Mary Beth all show up wearing the same gray dress. Mary Beth claims that she bought the dress first, Kristy claims that she picked her dress out 6 months ago. Mary Beth replies, “It looks the worst on Julie so she should go change!” That made me laugh. This show is always at its best when it allows Mary Beth to just be a force of chaos.
Meanwhile, Silk, Eugene, and Mary Beth have all ended up with terrible dates. Mary Beth accidentally said yes to Merle, who smells like vapor rub. (She was on the phone when he asked and she automatically said yes without hearing his question.) As a favor to Mary Beth, Silk tries to find another girl to go to the prom with Merle but she thinks Silk is asking. Eugene auction himself off for charity and is purchased by a retiree (played by none other than Mrs. Voorhees herself, Betsy Palmer).
Fortunately, the night is saved when a tornado hits Deering. While everyone huddles in the hallway, Kristy, Mary Beth, and Julie do an impromptu performance of I Will Survive. Yay! Seriously, it was a fun scene. Plus, my sisters and I used to sing I Will Survive when we did karaoke.
Overall, this was a cute episode. I enjoyed it and I sang along.
Next week: Hang Time ends as the Tornadoes finally graduate!
I spent most of this week watching horror movies and Big Brother. Sometimes, I couldn’t tell which was which. Here’s some thoughts on what I did watch this week!
The Challenge USA (Sunday and Thursday Night, CBS)
I watched it on Sunday, I didn’t watch it on Thursday. I don’t remember a thing that happened on Sunday, beyond the fact that I was annoyed by the fact that I was being asked to pay attention to someone named Bananas. To be honest, I’m getting kind of bored with reality TV. For instance, once this season of Big Brother is over, I never want to see any of the houseguests again. The idea of following them from show to show is just so cringey to me.
I watched another episode of this old anime series on Saturday morning. I have absolutely no idea what’s going on. A lot of stuff exploded so that was kind of fun.
Dr. Phil (YouTube)
Sunday morning, I watched an episode featuring a mother who was convinced that her daughter was lying about having stomach cancer and stealing money from people online. It turns out the mom was right!
Saturday afternoon, I watched an episode about a 17 year-old girl who was planning on moving out of her home so that she could live with an 18 year-old that she had never personally met. Dr. Phil did not think this was a good idea.
Republican Party Presidential Primary Debate (Fox News)
I watched it but I’m going to keep my opinions to myself. I will say that there were some candidates who seemed to be considerably more impressive than others.
Sally Jessy Raphael (YouTube)
I watched two episodes of this 90s talk show on Saturday. One episode was about teenagers being pressured by their friends and family to lose their virginities. The other was about husband, wives, and secrets. The audience booed everyone.
Saved By The Bell (Sunday Morning, MeTV)
It was student/teacher week! Zack became principal. Kelly taught history! Mr. Belding roamed the hallways! Lisa and Screech took over the athletic department and Slater and the jocks passed their history test just in time to lead Bayside to a 28-21 victory over Valley. This particular episode never made any sense to me.
Stars on Mars (Monday Night, FOX)
To be honest, Marshawn Lynch probably should have been sent back to Earth much sooner than he was. But, then again, everyone else kept leaving voluntarily so it’s not like there were really many opportunities to do so. This is one of those shows that, in the future, I will probably claim to have never heard of.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, season 2 begins!
Episode 2.1 “Career Day”
(Dir by Bill Hobin, originally aired on September 23rd, 1976)
The 2nd season begins with Gabe telling Julie a joke about the time that his aunt went to a pet store and complained that the turtle she had bought had blisters on the bottom of its feet. Apparently, there was a kid who thought that the turtles were toy trucks. Julie gets angry over the punchline and storms out of …. the principal’s office? Why was Gabe telling Julie a joke in the principal’s office?
It’s career day at Buchanan High! A radio DJ comes by the class and talks about the joys of being on the radio. He tells Horshack that there’s no way that he could ever be a successful radio DJ. After the DJ leaves, Epstein points out that everyone they’ve seen for career day makes more money than their teacher. As if on cue, Mr. Woodman enters the room with a special guest …. hey, it’s Pat Morita!
Pat Morita explains that he is Taro Takahashi and that he is an inventor. Among his inventions is “transistorized underwear,” which the Sweathogs think is a crazy idea. Takahashi gets offended and leaves. Gabe and the Sweathogs follow Takahashi to Woodman’s office.
“My class has something to say to Mr. Takahashi,” Gabe says.
“What?” Barbarino asks.
Eventually, all of the Sweathogs realize that Gabe expects them to apologize and, somewhat reluctantly, they do so. Epstein apologizes for not being a good student but he points out that teachers don’t make much money. Takahashi asks how much money teachers make. Woodman whispers the amount to Takahashi. Takahashi whispers it to the Sweathogs. Everyone has a good laugh, except for Gabe.
Takahashi is impressed by Gabe’s determination and offers him a job in Chicago and offers to pay him twice his current salary.
“I don’t think you understand how dedicated Mr. Kotter is to his students.” Horshack says.
“SHUT UP, HORSHACK!” Gabe replies.
Mr. Woodman announces that he’ll take the job and work for less than Kotter.
Takahashi says that he’ll be in New York for a week and he will be awaiting Gabe’s answer.
Gabe goes back to his apartment and tells Julie about the job. Julie tells Gabe that he should take the job so that they can get a two-room apartment and a second pair of shoes. She makes a good argument. Takahashi then shows up at the apartment, looking for an answer. And then Woodman shows up, wearing a kimono and still trying to get Takahashi to hire him. “I could learn to love raw fish!” Somewhat disturbingly Takahashi says that the biggest mistake he ever made was picking up a hitchhiker who looked a lot like Woodman.
The next day, Takahashi accompanies Gabe to school. At the classroom, the Sweathogs dress up in white karate outfits, bang a gong, and speak in exaggerated accents that I think are meant to sound Japanese and …. uhm, yeah, this episode is getting REALLY cringey.
Fortunately, Takahashi then spends about two minutes calling out everyone on the show for being insensitive, stupid, and crazy and Pat Morita totally kills it, perfectly capturing Takahashi’s growing annoyance with Buchanan High’s students and staff. (If you watch the scene carefully, you can catch both Gabe Kaplan and John Sylvester White breaking character and laughing in the background.) Takahashi’s Horshack imitation is peerless.
Gabe gives a speech about how much he enjoys being a teacher and why he could never give up his current job. Takahashi respects his decision and leaves so that Pat Morita can star in a short-lived spinoff called Mr. T and Tina. However, Takashi does return briefly at the end of the episode so Gabe can tell him about “Uncle Max and his friend” who used to enjoy discussing global politics as their local Chinese restaurant.
This episode suffered because it was obviously a pilot for another show. It felt off because the Sweathogs were largely sidelined by Mr. Takahashi. That said, Pat Morita was funny and Mr. Woodman’s gradual descent into madness continued to be entertaining to watch. It wasn’t an ideal season opener and a lot of the humor hasn’t aged well but, as is so often with this show, the chemistry of the cast turned out to be the episode’s saving grace.
Episode 2.2 “Inherit The Halibut”
(Dir by Bill Hobin, originally aired on September 30th, 1976)
Gabe asks Julie if he’s ever told her about his Aunt Esther “who was a matron in a movie house.” Julie politely listens as Gabe tells the story of a moviegoer who fell from the balcony to the floor.
At school, the Sweathogs check the big plastic halibut in which class treasurer Freddie has been keeping the class fund and they are shocked to discover that the halibut is empty! Everyone accuses Freddie of taking the money.
“You’re calling me a thief!?” Freddie says.
“No,” Horshack says, “an embezzler.”
It’s mock trail time! Gabe agrees to act as Freddie’s defense attorney. Horshack puts on a suit and plays prosecutor. Epstein serves as bailiff. Barbarino throws on a bathrobe and serves as the judge. The other Sweathogs are the jury.
Speaking in a bad Southern accent and carrying a paper fan, Gabe announces that “when you walk through the pasture of evidence, you’re bound to step in some facts.”
Horshack calls a witness who reveals that Washington bought a new bicycle at a police auction. He paid eight dollars, the same amount as what was in the halibut. Gabe points out that no one asked Washington from where he got the eight dollars. Mr. Woodman is sworn in as a surprise witness and says Washington did it.
“Objection!” shouts Gabe, “This witness is hostile!”
Woodman goes on to reveal that he saw Washington counting money outside of the school. (“I checked my wallet,” Woodman says.) Gabe claims that Woodman is too bitter to be a credible witness. Woodman announces that Gabe’s students will be spending a lot of time in the court in the future and runs out of the room, laughing maniacally.
Gabe only has one witness. He calls Freddie to stand and asks him if he took the money. Freddie refuses to answer questions from either Gabe or Horshack. While Horshack dramatically asks his questions, he accidentally breaks open the halibut and several coins and dollars fall out of it.
“There’s a lot more than eight dollars here!” Gabe declares. In fact, there’s $32 in the fish!
Horshack suggests a plea bargain — “Let’s pardon Washington and split the money 50/50.”
Instead, Gabe calls Horshack to the stand. Horshack says that he’ll never snap before admitting to putting $8 in the fish to try to clear Freddie’s name. Epstein is called to the stand and admits that he also put $8 in the fish. Barbarino, as judge, then interrogates himself and bullies himself into admitting that he contributed $8 of his own to the fish. The other Sweathogs then announce that they also put $8 in the fish.
Gabe says that they still need to determine whether Freddie stole the money. The jury takes a second to convict Freddie. Freddie finally reveals that he did take the $8 but just so he could put it in the bank. Freddie reveals that he kept quiet because he was offended at everyone assuming that he stole the money. Still, Freddie realizes how the money’s disappearance looked to the class, so he forgives everyone and takes the $32 to the bank.
At the apartment, Gabe tells Julie to guess what he’s hiding in his hands.
Gabe explains that he’s hiding an elephant and Julie smacks him.
I liked this episode, largely because it gave Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, who felt a bit underused during the first season, a chance to take center stage. I also respected Freddie’s refusal to answer a question that he shouldn’t have been asked in the first place. Good for you, Freddie!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on Tubi!
This week, Mr. T takes on drug dealers and mad bombers!
Episode 1.5 “The Drop”
(Dir by Allan Kroeker, originally aired on February 8th, 1988)
“In this episode,” Mr. T tells us, “a kid’s life is shattered when he’s arrested for dealing drugs. Amy and I try to pick the pieces, with some unexpected help from Renee!”
This episode begins with one of my favorite cop show clichés. A suspected drug courier is grabbed by two cops. They open the envelope that he was carrying and discover a white powder. One of the cops puts some of the power on her fingers and then sticks her fingers in her mouth.
“High grade crack!” she announced.
Hey, just be happy it wasn’t anthrax!
In this case, the accused courier is a 14 year-old named Norm (Gerry Musgrave), who says that he has no idea what was in the envelopes and he was only carrying them because he answered a classified ad asking for delivery people. However, the prosecution is determined to send a message by trying Norm as an adult! Fortunately, Norm is friends with T.S.’s goddaughter, Renee (Rachael Crawford). Renee brings T.S. and Amy onto the case.
“Loosen up, brother, you already convinced us,” T.S. tells Norm, “Now we just got to the convince the court.”
Norm moves into T.S.’s home, where he is looked after by the gospel-singing Aunt Martha (Jackie Robinson). While Jackie helps Norm get settled in, Renee approaches T.S. and says, “I’ve seen the ads on crack. I know what it does.”
“And you want to help Norm,” T.S. says, “Don’t get involved! People dealing drugs are very dangerous!”
Renee does not take T.S.’s advice and instead, approaches the school drug dealer, Bob Douglas (Jeremy Ratchford). She compliments Bob on his red trans am and Bob invites her to meet up with him at a local disco. Renee’s friends tell her that she might be making a mistake but Renee snaps that she can’t look the other way like everyone else at school.
While Renee skips class so she can meet up with Bob at the most depressing nightclub I’ve ever seen (seriously, there’s just one very sad disco ball hanging over the dance floor), T.S. meets with Fat Sam, who is not fat and who is played by future television director Clark Johnson! (As an actor, Johnson is probably best-known for playing Meldrick Lewis on Homicide and later Gus Johnson on The Wire.)
“Fat Sam,” T.S. says, “you’re the coolest dude I know!”
“As long as the dice keep rolling my way,” Fat Sam replies, “Rumor on the street has it that you’re looking for a specific crack dealer.”
“Be honest with you, Fat Sam,” T.S. replies, “I want to bust all the crack dealers but I want this one first.”
Fat Sam makes some phone calls and tells T.S. that the crack dealer he’s looking for is …. BOB DOUGLAS!
“Thanks, Fat Sam, I owe you one,” T.S. replies.
Meanwhile, Bob Douglas has taken Renee to his loft apartment! When Bob discovers the Renee has been searching his apartment while he was distracted, Bob has a paranoid breakdown, accuses Renee of being a narc, and makes a run for it. Fortunately, T.S. and Amy show up in time to catch him and clear Norm’s name! Yay!
This episode suffered a bit because, for all the build-up, it turned out that all Amy and T.S. needed to do to prove Norm’s innocence was to get Fat Sam to make one phone call. It felt a bit anticlimactic, to say the least. This is a case where the limits of that 30-minute running time really worked against the story the show was trying to tell. That said, Mr. T growling against crack is always enjoyable to watch.
Episode 1.6 “Something In The Air”
(Dir by Allan A. Goldstein, originally aired on February 15th, 1988)
“In this episode,” Mr. T tell us, “a radio DJ is the target of an angry phone caller. While Amy fights to keep the D.J. on the air, I get to make a few calls of my own.”
After radio DJ PJ Reynolds (Lee Curreri) encourages his listeners to “take it to the streets,” one of his listeners blows up a mailbox. The district attorney wants to take Reynolds off the air! Fortunately, Reynold is a client of Amy Taler’s! When Louney (Neil Munro), the smarmy D.A. tries to convince Amy and T.S. to deliver a court summons to the DJ, T.S. replies, “Sorry, brother. We ain’t a delivery service!”
Because there’s only one explosives dealer in all of Canada, Turner confronts his friend Whisperer (Martin Donlevy) and demands to know who he has been selling to. Whisperer says that he sold a timer to a man who said that he wanted to take down Reynolds. “He sounded like someone who was used to getting what he wants.” Somehow, T.S. figures that this means Louney is behind the bombings. Turner needs Louney to call the show again but Reynolds has voluntarily taken himself off the air.
“Let’s talk responsibility,” Turner snaps at the DJ, “That’s the big talk!”
Convined that he has a responsibility, Reynolds goes back on the air and Louney can’t help but call him. Though Louney hangs up before the police can trace the call, T.S. is staking out Louney’s house and, as soon as Louney steps outside with a briefcase bomb, Turner goes after him. It leads to a car chase that ends with T.S. capturing Louney and forcing to Louney to defuse his latest bomb right before it detonates.
A grateful PJ promises that, from now on, he’s going to be “Mr. Mellow” on the air. When Amy says she doesn’t think it’ll happen, PJ says, “You’ll have to tune in and see.”
“Not me, brother,” T.S. replies, “I’m going to stick to my TV …. it’s my favorite medium!”
I liked this episode because it stood up for free speech. Any show that exposes a power-crazed bureaucrat, I’m going to enjoy.
Next week, Amy and T.S. search for …. THE SILVER ANGEL!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001. Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!
This week, City Guys finally comes to an end.
Episode 5.25 “And Then There Were None”
(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on December 8th, 2001)
Having graduated from Manny High, the gang (and Ms. Noble!) gather together at the Manhattan Diner so that they can remember all of the adventures they had over the past five years of high school. I can understand a group of high school friends wanting to get together for one last time before going to college but what is the principal doing there? I mean, Ms. Noble has retired. Why isn’t she hanging out with her husband? Why isn’t she in the Hamptons? WHY IS SHE STILL HANGING OUT WITH THESE KIDS!?
Anyway, as you may have guessed, this is a clip show. We get clips of Dawn crusading for the environment during the first season and then a scene of her getting drunk at Chris’s penthouse. And then we get a clip of that weird time that Ms. Noble tricked L-Train into thinking she couldn’t walk. We relive a few of the times that Al and L-Train did something stupid. Cassidy remembers some cringey radio drama that she did with Chris and Jamal and, for some reason, she also remembers Chris’s terrible Austin Powers impersonation. Finally, Chris and Jamal remember their stupid radio show. After everyone has left, Chris and Jamal share one final embrace and then Chris leaves Manhattan Diner. Jamal stands at the booth alone and …. wow, that’s kind of depressing.
In general, I loathe clip shows but I usually make an exception if they are a part of a series finale. CityGuys is a show that I grew tired of reviewing about halfway through the 4th season but the finale actually was kind of touching. If nothing else, the cast themselves seemed to be genuinely emotional about filming their final scenes together.
However, this effective episode was not the final episode of City Guys to air. There was one more episode to go….
Episode 5.26 “Al’s In Toyland”
(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on December 15th, 2001)
As I’ve often said while reviewing both City Guys and Hang Time, NBC didn’t really pay much attention to little things like showing episodes in the order in which they were supposed to be seen. Nowhere is this more evident than with the final episode City Guys, which finds the gang back in high school despite having graduated and left for college in the previous episodes. This is because Al In Toyland was not meant to be the series finale. It was meant to air earlier in the season but it was pushed back because of the terrorist attacks on September 11th, 2001.
This episode opens by reminding us that Ms. Noble is a monster as she announces that she has signed Jamal, Chris, L-Train, Dawn, and Cassidy up for the marching band without telling them ahead of time. She explains that they all need an elective arts credit. (Cassidy has appeared off-Broadway but somehow doesn’t have an elective arts credit?) The band, of course, practices on the roof of the school and the gang is horrified to discover how uncool the band kids are.
Why isn’t Al in the band? It’s because he’s working in advertising! The president of Snappy Toys has hired Al to do commercials for him because he was impressed by Al’s suggestion that “Snappy Toys Ain’t Just For Kids No more” could be their new slogan. Somehow, this leads to L-Train starring in a commercial. I mean, it’s strange enough that a company would put Al in charge of their advertising but why would they hire L-Train to star in their commercial?
Snappy Toys asks Al to develop a campaign for a toy gun known as the Annihilator. L-Train tells a story about a friend of his who entered a store with a toy gun and got shot by the owner. Al promises that he’ll develop a non-violent commercial for the gun but his boss says that he wants the commercial to look like the “opening scene of Scream!”
While Al works on his advertising career, Chris, Jamal, Dawn, Cassidy, and L-Train discover that the band kids really know how to party. In fact, they’re throwing a rave …. on the roof of the school! It turns out that the band has very high standards and, after a pep rally, they kick Chris, Jamal, Dawn, Cassidy, and L-Train out of the band for just not being cool enough. I guess they listened to Chris and Jamal’s radio show.
Meanwhile, Al sees his younger sibling playing with the guns and pretending to be dead. He decides that he can’t work for Snappy Toys. He quits but his boss assures him that, “a kid like you, who stands up for what he believes in — you have a great future.”
And so ends City Guys! And, to be honest, Al’s In Toyland wasn’t a terrible episode. I liked the fact that Al’s boss was not portrayed as being some sort of sleazy, money-crazed villain but instead just as a reasonable businessman making business decisions. And I even liked the band subplot, if just because it featured all of the main characters being put in their place for once.
What is left to say about City Guys? City Guys was the show that I used to launch Reto Television Reviews. I’ve been watching and reviewing the show for nearly a year. At first, I kind of enjoyed the show and then I got kind of annoyed the show and, by the fifth season, I think it was pretty obvious that I was ready to be done with it. That said, I do feel a little emotional saying goodbye to it. City Guys was a show that had a few good moments, though it never really escaped the shadow of better Peter Engel-produced shows like California Dreams and Saved By The Bell.
Next week, we’ll be starting a look at a new show on Thursday. Here’s a preview:
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!
For this week’s cruise, Julie learns that she’s not the only person who can do her job!
Episode 3.3 “The Grass is Greener/Three Stages of Love/Oldies But Goodies”
(Dir by Alan Rafkin, originally aired on September 22nd, 1979)
This week, Julie is super excited when her friend, Tina Philips (Joan Hackett), boards the cruise with her young son, Brian (Adam Rich). Tina and Julie went to cruise director school together, where they were both taught by none other than Captain Stubing.
(As I’ve mentioned before, there have been a lot of weird continuity issues with establishing just how long anyone had actually known Captain Stubing. During the first season, everyone was unsure of what to make of Captain Stubing and none of them had any experience sailing with him. But, in the second season, Stubing was suddenly celebrating his five year anniversary as the ship’s captain. And, in this episode, Stubing is established as being Julie’s mentor.)
Tina had a crush on Stubing while she was a student and Stubing had a bit of a crush on her as well. Though Tina could have had a great career as a cruise director, she decided to get married and settle down instead. Now, with her marriage falling apart, Tina boards the boat and immediately starts giving Stubing and Julie advice. Julie, meanwhile, takes care of Brian while Tina dances with the captain. Tina lives Julie’s life and Julie lives the life she could have had if she had stayed in Alaska and gotten married. It turns out that Julie’s a great substitute mom but Tina is a terrible substitute cruise director. Her idea of throwing a sock hop is a huge bust and, to be honest, it does seem a bit childish for a luxury cruise. In the end, Tina returns to being a single mom and Julie returns to being childless and career-driven. Yay, I guess.
Meanwhile, Nora (Amanda Blake) boards the ship with her daughter, Daphne (Karen Morrow). Daphne is determined to marry a millionaire but Nora is the one who finds love when she meets the wheelchair-bound Phillip (Barry Sullivan). Unfortunately, Phillip’s stuffy valet, Perkins (Werner Klemperer), insists that Philip needs to stay in his cabin and watch his blood pressure. Fear not, though. Daphne finds a millionaire and the millionaire hires away Perkins so now Phillip and Nora are free to have fun. Yay!
(Though, really, Phillip should keep an eye on his blood pressure….)
Finally, Mike (Eddie Mekka) and Robin (Lani O’Grady) seems like a perfect couple, except for the fact that Mike is convinced that all relationships go through three stages before ending and he has an annoying habit of saying stuff like, “We’ve just entered stage two!” Robin gets tired of Mike and his cynicism and eventually, Mike decides to give love a try because …. well, I’m not sure why. I think it was because the episode was nearly over.
This episode was pleasant but, ultimately, rather forgettable. Nora and Phillip were a nice couple but Perkins was portrayed in an over-the=top villainous light, especially when one considers that he was just doing the job he was hired to do. Mike and Robin seemed like they were still destined to break up, even as they left the ship in love. I did enjoy the scenes in which Tina’s sock hop party turned out to be a bust, just because it seemed like a dumb idea from the minute she mentioned it. That said, the main message of this episode seemed to be that having a family and career were two mutually exclusive things, which I certainly did not agree with.
Again, this was not necessarily a bad episode. It was just kind of a bland one.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. Almost entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube!
Smiles!
Episode 3.11 “The Mermaid/The Victim”
(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on December 1st, 1979)
This week, Fantasy Island suddenly becomes the most dangerous place on Earth.
Julie Bett (Joan Prather) comes to the island with a simple fantasy. She wants a date — just one date — with a man that she met briefly four years ago. Mr. Roarke asks Julie if perhaps she has overidealized her memories of Michael Duvall (James Darren). Julie says no and that Michael is the ideal man. Roarke reveals that Duvall lives on a nearby island where Roarke has no legal authority. Julie says that fine, since the date will be on Fantasy Island. Roarke reveals that Duvall is usually not allowed to step foot on Fantasy Island because of his shady reputation. Julie replies that there’s nothing shady about Michael Duvall. Roarke finally allows Duvall to come to Fantasy Island for the date.
Of course, within minutes of arriving, Duvall has drugged Julie’s drink and then whisked her back to his own island. It turns out that Michael Duvall is a Jeffrey Epstein-style human trafficker and his estate doubles as a prison for the women that he had abducted. His evil assistant, Madame Jeannot (Yvonne DeCarlo), announces that there is no way that Julie can escape and, to prove her point, she introduces Julie to Annie (Cathryn O’Neil), who tried to escape and was severely beaten as a result.
Julie tries to rally the other prisoners (including Dorothy Stratten, who would be murdered 8 months after this episode aired) to fight back against Duvall, Jeannot, and their servant. If her rebellion fails, Julie knows that she’ll never be seen again….
Meanwhile, oceanographer Harold DeHaven (John Saxon) has come to Fantasy Island with his wife, Amanda (Mary Ann Mobley). Harold and Amanda have a troubled marriage, largely because Harold is too obsessed with his work and his desire to make a major discovery of some sort. No sooner has Harold started walking along the beach then he comes across a mermaid! Princess Nyah (Michelle Phillips) is apparently a well-known figure on Fantasy Island and, at one point, Roarke even confronts Nyah about her history of trying to lure the guests to their deaths. Can Amanda prevent her husband from drowning in his attempt to be with Princess Nyah?
(This episodes leaves us to wonder just what exactly Fantasy Island’s legal liability would be if someone died as a result of their fantasy. Seriously, it seems like Mr. Roarke has really left himself vulnerable to a lawsuit.)
Anyway, Julie and the other kidnapped women manage to escape from Duvall’s estate, just to find Mr. Roarke and a bunch of policemen waiting for them. Roarke explains that he knew what Duvall was doing but he needed proof before he could contact that authorities. Julie provided the proof. Essentially, Roarke is saying that he put Julie’s life at risk to take down Duvall but Julie and the other women seem to be amused by the whole thing. Everyone smiles as Mr. Roarke says that he’ll take them back to Fantasy Island. I guess PTSD doesn’t exist on the islands.
Meanwhile, Amanda’s efforts to keep Harold from swimming off with Nyah nearly leads to Amanda drowning. Seeing his wife risk her life for him, Harold realizes that he really does love Amanda and both he and Amanda return to dry land. Disappointed, Nyah swims off.
Yay! Everyone lived! As they all left the Island, no one seemed to be the least bit traumatized by nearly dying. At the plane flies away, Roarke suggest that Nyah’s new target might be Tattoo. “Be serious, boss,” Tattoo, “I can’t even swim.” The thought of his assistant dying a terrible death from drowning cause Roarke to laugh out loud as the end credits roll.
There was a weird episode and compulsively watchable as a result. Seriously, how do you not love John Saxon following Michelle Phillips into water? That said, Fantasy Island seems like a very dangerous place.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!
This week, Hammer returns!
Episode 6.7 “Life 101”
(Dir by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on November 4th, 2000)
Hammer returns during this episode but, before we discuss that, let’s get the dumb B-plot out of the way. Coach K, is going out of town so he assigns Antonio to look after his dog, a chihuahua named Killer. (What was the deal with both of the coaches always asking their dumb players to look after their pets, cars, and houses?) Antonio and the boys lose Killer at the mall. However, they then see a little girl named Susie adopting a chihuahua on television. Assuming that the girl has adopted Killer, they bribe the girl with toys to get the dog. When they give the dog to the Coach, he immeidately sees that it’s not Killer because it’s a girl and not a boy.
Uh-oh!
No worries, though. It turns out that the woman who found Killer saw a flyer that the boys put up and she shows up at the gym with Killer. She asks Coach K out on a date. “Woooooo!” the audience shouts. As I wrote earliier, it was all pretty dumb but at least the dog was cute.
Meanwhile, Hammer (Mark Famiglietti) returns to Indiana from North Carolina! Mary Beth is so excited! Hammer explains that he’s not sure he wants to attend Duke. (I thought Hammer was attending Duke but apparently, he was just in some sort of Duke-affiliated prep school or something.) Hammer says that Duke might not have a spot for him on the team so he decides to apply to UCLA with Mary Beth and Kristy.
Mary Beth and Kristy get into UCLA! Yay!
Hammer does not. Boooo!
Hammer pressures Mary Beth to turn down UCLA and go to the University of Indiana with him. Hammer, what happened to you!?
Mary Beth agrees but then Hammer learns that Duke does want him to play basketball so he decides he’s going to go Duke anyway and that Mary Beth should come with him. “You want me to move to North Carolina!?” a shocked Mary Beth says. (Uhmm, it’s better than freaking Indiana.) Mary Beth and Hammer break up and Mary Beth decides to go to UCLA afterall.
I guess it’s good that Mary Beth is finally going to graduate from high school but this episode still bothered me. Bringing back Hammer was cool. Having him come back with a totally different personality from the one he had when he was previously on the show was not cool. That just felt like lazy writing.
Let’s move on.
Episode 6.8 “Secrets and Lies”
(Dir by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on November 11th, 2000)
It’s championship time again!
Actually, it was championship time last season. Seasons 5 and 6 were filmed at the same time and were originally intended to be a part of one big, final season. NBC decided to not only split the season in two but they also rearranged the order of the episodes, leading to all sorts of continuity confusion. The tournament that we see the Tornadoes playing at the University of Indiana was originally meant to be a part of the championship story arc that was featured in season 5. (That storyline, of course, ended with the previously undefeated Tornadoes losing in an upset and learning about humility.) Instead of airing where it was originally meant to air, this tournament episode somewhat randomly pops up in the middle of season 6.
As for this episode, it’s a mix of the serious and the seriously stupid. The seriously stupid part of the episode finds Eugene and Silk being led astray by two cheerleaders who steal their uniforms, lock them in a locker room, and try to keep them from playing in the big game. It doesn’t work, of course. Silk and Eugene end up tumbling out of an air conditioning duct and landing in the middle of the gym. The important thing is that they get to play and no one asks why they were wandering around a duct while half-naked in the first place.
As for the serious storyline, it features Mary Beth meeting Brett, a handsome guy who is writing a story for his school’s newspaper. He takes Mary Beth and the team out to a bar and, in a backroom, attempts to force himself on Mary Beth. While Mary Beth gets away from him, Brett still threatens to reveal that the team was at a bar if she dares to say anything about what he tried to do. However, when Mary Beth sees Brett talking to another girl and trying to lead her to a backroom, she realizes that she can’t be quiet. Brett gets arrested but not before Coach K threatened to rip him from limb to limb.
This was a good episode, solely due to the Mary Beth storyline, which was well-acted and had a valuable message. When Dick Butkus threatened Brett, you never had any doubt that he meant every word of it. I’ve been a bit critical of Dick Butkus in these reviews but it’s hard to imagine Reggie Theus bringing the same emotional intensity to this episode that Butkus did. One gets the feeling that Theus would have just made Mary Beth feel guilty for not speaking up immediately. Dick Butkus, on the other hand, isn’t going to let anyone get away with hurting his students.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, the first season comes to an end with a surprisingly touching episode.
Episode 1.22 “Father Vinnie”
(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on February 26th, 1976)
At the apartment, Gabe asks Julie if he’s ever told her about his Uncle Jerry and Aunt June and how, on their 40th wedding anniversary, they took a second honeymoon. Aunt June was feeling romantic and asked Jerry to bite her neck, just like he did when they were newlyweds.
“Wait a minute,” Jerry replied, “I’ll get my teeth.”
(Gabe comes from a very old family, I’ve noticed.)
At school, Gabe teaches his class about the Russian revolution. Horshack asks where Kotter “learned all that stuff.” Gabe replies that he saw Dr. Zhivago four times. Horshack breaks out into wheezy laughter. All the Sweathogs are amused but …. WHERE’S BARBARINO!?
Barbarino shows up, just as the bell for lunch is ringing. Depressed, he barely acknowledges Gabe’s question as to where he’s been. Instead, he sits down at the classroom window and stares at the rain falling outside. Epstein tries to cheer him up by reading some his latest “excuse notes.” They’re all in verse!
“Roses are red, violets are blue, I’ve been home two days with the Spanish flu.”
Freddie reads note that Epstein wrote for him. “Please excuse me for missing your lecture on mold but I was home sick with a bad head cold.”
Barbarino is not amused. He explains that he’s just gotten back from the hospital, where his 87 year-old grandmother is dying. “She’s got a bad case of being old,” Barbarino explains.
The Sweathogs discuss death. Epstein doesn’t worry about it because he has a note for wherever he goes. Horshack mentions that he’s against death. Freddie, always the pragmatist, says that death is something that you have to accept.
Barbarino explains that his grandmother’s dream was always for him to become a priest and now that she’s dying, he has to do it! The other Sweathogs scoff at the idea and Gabe tells him that not everyone is cut out to be a priest. Despite not wanting to become a priest himself, Barbarino is stunned by their lack of faith and decides that he is going to become a priest just to show them.
A few days later, in the teacher’s lounge, Mr. Woodman tells Gabe that Barbarino just blessed Epstein’s gym locker and that he’s now walking around the school and telling people that he loves them. Gabe, however, is depressed because Barbarino’s grandmother has died and now he’s thinking about all the family members that he’s lost and used for material for his stand-up routine. Woodman mentions that Epstein’s mother died four times over the course of the previous school year.
Gabe asks Woodman if he ever thinks about death. Woodman replies, “Mot people want to go quickly but not me. I want to linger. I want to be a burden to people for as long as possible.”
(As always, John Sylvester White brilliantly portrays Woodman’s mix of bitterness and what appears to be genuine mental instability. As played by White, Woodman could announce that he had just spent the morning attacking muggers on the subway and it would be a laugh-out-loud funny line.)
Carrying a bible, a much changed Barbarino enters the teacher’s lounge.
Barbarino says that he forgives Gabe for the previous day’s pop quiz. Gabe tells Barbarino that he doesn’t need to forgive him, he just needs to study. When Barbarino replies that he no longer needs to study because the Lord is his shepherd, Gabe tells him that he’s taking the religion thing too far.
The next day, in the school hallway, Barbarino interrupts a Sweathog dice game and tells Horshack that he loves him.
“I’ve always been fond of you,” Horshack says.
Barbarino suggests that the Sweathogs should give their money to the poor.
“We are the poor!” Freddie replies.
A blonde named Bambi asks if Barbarino is going to meet her at their usual place “behind the billboard.” Horshack replies that Barbarino is now a priest. After an offended Bambi walks away, Barbarino has a meltdown in the school hallway, saying, “I can’t take it!” Gabe steps out of his classroom and says that maybe he’s not cut out to be celibate. The other Sweathogs start taunting Barbarino about all of his now ex-girlfriends. Barbarino realizes that it will be okay for him not to become a priest but he worries about how he’s going to tell his mother.
Epstein writes an excuse note for Barbarino to give to his mother, though he asks Gabe to sign because Epstein has yet to figure out how to forge his signature. The note reads, “Dear Mrs. Barbarino, they were shocked when you had a son, because that meant you could not be a nun. I hope you won’t mind this as a reason but your son Vinnie will not be a priest. Signed, Epstein’s teacher.”
Back at the apartment, Gabe tells Julie about his Uncle Morris, who was so thrifty that he never gave any money to charity.
And with that, season one ends! Wisely, Welcome Back, Kotter ended by focusing on Barbarino. All of the actors playing the Sweathogs were talented and all of them did a good job in the episodes that focused on them but, from the start, John Travolta was clearly the star and Travolta does a pretty good job of capturing both Barbarino’s sweet-natured stupidity and his earnest sincerity in this episode. It was hard not to be emotionally moved by his desire to make his grandmother’s dying wish come true, even though it wasn’t what he wanted to do with his life. This was a rare sitcom episode that dealt with religion in an even-handed manner while still remaining funny and non-preachy. All in all, this was not a bad way to end the first season.
(I have to admit that I wasn’t expecting much from Welcome Back, Kotter but I’ve certainly enjoyed watching and reviewing the first 22 episodes.)
Through the Shattered Lens 