Tag Archives: TV

Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 1.22 “Heat Rays”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997.  The entire show is currently streaming on You tube!

This week, season one comes to a close.

Episode 1.22 “Heat Rays”

(Dir by Peter Roger Hunt, originally aired on May 18th, 1996)

The first season wraps up with an episode that doesn’t really add up too much.

As was typical of the latter half of this show’s first season, this episode actually tells two separate stories.  In the first one, Donna is stopped while driving at night by three panicked people on a bridge.  They say that their friend is in the water below.  Donna jumps into the ocean, just to discover that it was all a trick to steal her car.

Donna floats around for a while.  She passes the time by talking to herself.  To be honest, she holds up surprisingly well for someone who is stranded in the middle of the ocean.  Eventually, a boat stops to help her.  Unfortunately, the two men on the boat are drug dealers and, when they’re both shot by a bunch of guys on a bigger boat, it’s up to Donna to save them and get them to dry land.

That may sound like an intriguing storyline but, oddly enough, it gets abandoned fairly quickly.  I kept waiting for Donna’s storyline to somehow intersect with the other storyline but it never did.  No one even thought to say, “Hey, where’s Donna?”  If I was Donna, I would be pretty mad about that.

As for the other storyline, it features Mitch, Garner, and Ryan investigating a series of murders and attempted murders that all involve the members of an old surf band called The Heat Rays.  It ultimately turns out that they’re being targeted by the daughter (Christa Sauls) of a woman (played by Judy Geeson) who was raped by several members of the band.

Again, that may sound like a storyline that has the potential to be intriguing.  And there is an interesting subtext to the story, as Mitch and Garner are forced to admit that their favorite band wasn’t as innocent and wholesome as they chose to remember.  But, in typical Baywatch Nights fashion, the story was a bit too predictable to really work.  It was easy to figure out who the murderer was because there was really only one suspect from the start.

This episode had a violent streak just felt out of place.  Baywatch Nights, in both its first season and its supernatural-themed second season, was essentially a goofy detective show starring David Hasselhoff.  Having multiple people die over the course of one episode just didn’t feel right for such a lightweight show.  Some shows are meant to be violent.  Some shows are at their best when they embrace their inherent silliness.  Baywatch Nights is the latter type of show.

So much for the first season.  Unfortunately, the show never really found a consistent identity or style during the first season.  However, that would change with the second season.

We’ll find out how next week!

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 4.21 “Basin Street/The Devil’s Triangle”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on Daily Motion.

This week is a bit uneven.  Let’s dive into it!

Episode 4.21 “Basin Street/The Devil’s Triangle”

(Dir by George W. Brooks, originally aired on May 2nd, 1981)

Pilot Clay Garrett (Joe Namath — yes, the goofy football player) and cameraman Tom Spencer (Christopher Connelly) have come to Fantasy Island with Kerry Dawson (Trish Stewart).  Kerry is the host of a show where she explores isolated locations of the world.  Clay flies her where she’s going.  Tom films her.  Throughout the episode, it is suggested that — much like the characters at the center of Cannibal Holocaust — they’ve occasionally been guilty of staging the footage that has made them famous.

Kerry wants to search for the remains of an airplane that disappeared over 40 years ago.  The plane was flown by the famed aviatrix Wilma Deitrich.  Why they don’t just admit that Wilma is a stand-in for Amelia Earhart, I have no idea.  Mr. Roarke warns Kerry that the fantasy could be dangerous but he does not stop Clay, Tom, and Kerry from boarding a plane and then flying out across the ocean.

The plane ends up in the Devil’s Triangle, which I guess is this show’s version of the Bermuda Triangle.  The plane crashes on an uncharted island.  Kerry gets bitten by a snake and Clay sucks out the poison before he and Tom set off to look for the remains of Wilma’s plane.  Clay and Tom, incidentally, are both in love with Wilma.  Will Wilma select the boring cameraman or the boring pilot who sucked snake venom out of her body?

It’s a question that would perhaps be more compelling if Kerry had the slightest bit of chemistry with either man.  But she doesn’t.  Joe Namath is as stiff here as he was in C.C. and Company.  Christopher Connelly looks bored.  Kerry does eventually pick Clay so hopefully, they’ll be happy together.

(And yes, they do get off the island.  They find the wreckage of Wilma’s plane and use it to repair their own plane.  Amazingly, Wilma’s plan is still full of operational parts despite having spent over 40 years sitting on a deserted island.)

As for the other fantasy, Charlie Raines (Cleavon Little) wants to go to turn of the century New Orleans and meet his hero, jazzman Camptown Dodd (Raymond St. Jacques).  Roarke and Tattoo give him a magic clarinet and send him to New Orleans, where he immediately finds himself auditioning for Camptown.  Camptown wants Charlie to not only join his band but also lead it after his death.

DEATH!?

Yes, death.  Camptown refuses to sell Opium in his club and, as a result, he has been targeted for assassination by a corrupt police officer.  Charlie is so upset about this that Roarke himself steps into the fantasy to let Charlie know that he can’t change the past.

Okay, so Charlie can’t save Camptown but surely, he can bring Billie Joe (Berlinda Tolbert) into the present with him, right?  Afterall, Charlie has fallen in love with her.  No, Roarke says, that’s not how it works.

Fear not, though!  Once he’s in the present, Charlie discovers that Billie Joe was actually a guest at the Island and that Roarke combined two fantasies into one.  Yay!

The jazz fantasy was predictable but it was still better than the other fantasy.  Cleavon Little, Raymond St. Jacques, and Berlinda Tolbert all actually seemed to be invested in their characters, which made them a lot more fun to watch than the stiffs on the deserted island.

This week’s trip to the Island was a bit uneven.  The jazz fantasy was occasionally entertaining.  The other fantasy was forgettable.  I don’t hold that against, Mr. Roarke.  That’s just the way it goes sometimes.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 1.22 “Flashback!”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, the first season comes to a close!

Episode 1.22 “Flashback!”

(Dir by Michael Caffey, originally aired on April 1st, 1978)

When a recent graduate from te motor school joins the unit, he immediately rubs everyone the wrong way.  Brent Delaney (Joe Penny) may have graduated at the top of his class but, as Baker points out, he flunked public relations and everyone quickly tires of his holier-than-thou approach to policing.  Add to that, his father is a bigshot politician and everyone assumes that Delaney is just some rich kid who got the job through his connections.  Delaney’s arrogant and cocky attitude doesn’t do much to change that impression.

Fortunately, Baker and Ponch are both willing to look past Delaney’s cockiness.  In fact, they spend the majority of the episode remembering how, one day, a CHiP officer named Jon Baker met a cocky dirt bike rider named Ponch (Erik Estrada) and also how Baker talked Ponch into applying for a spot on the force.  No one gave Ponch much of a chance, largely because of his background as a juvenile delinquent and his friendship with a gang leader named Henry (Edward James Olmos).  But, soon, Ponch and Baker were patrolling the streets and rescuing two women who were trapped in a car that they accidentally drove into a swimming pool.  Ponch proved himself.  Will Delaney?

Yes, this a flashback episode but, interestingly enough, most of the flashbacks appear to have been shot specifically for this episode.  (There were two clips that I recognized as coming from the show’s pilot but the rest of the flashbacks appeared to be original.)  The flashbacks don’t play out in a chronological order, either.  Instead, they are somewhat randomly triggered by Ponch or Baker hearing an engine backfiring or spotting some person on a bike.  This episode comes as close as one can to answering the question of what a cop show directed by Nicolas Roeg would look like.

As for Delaney, he eventually proves his worth when he takes down a group of bikers who were stealing CHP motorcycles.  (One of the bikers is played by John Furey, who is best-known for playing Paul in Friday the 13th Part II.)  It’s a pretty good thing that Delaney caught those guys, seeing as how his motorcycle was one of those that was stolen.  Having proven himself, Delaney is welcomed into the CHP.  Even the formerly skeptical Grossman and Bear end up shaking his hand and telling him that he did a good job.  Way to go, Delaney!  I imagine we’ll never see him again.

And so ends the first season of CHiPs.  It was a fun season.  There was nothing particularly challenging about any of the first 22 episodes but the scenery was gorgeous and some of the chase scenes were exciting.  That’s really all you can ask for with a show like this.  Though I understand that Larry Wilcox and Erik Estrada did not particularly like each other, that wasn’t obvious during the first season.  In fact, even Estrada’s tendency to overact was nicely paired with Wilcox’s tendency to do the opposite.  For the first season at least, they came across like legitimate partners and friends.

Next week, we start season 2!

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 2.10 “Bought and Paid For”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, things get bleak.

Episode 2.9 “Bought For Paid For”

(Dir by John Nicolella, originally aired on November 29th, 1985)

This is a dark episode.

It opens with Gina’s friend, a Haitian immigrant named Odette (Lynn Whitfield), being attacked and raped in Gina’s apartment.  The rapist is easily identified as Nico Arroyo (Joaquim de Almeida), the sociopathic son of a Bolivian general (Tomas Milian) who has been exiled to Miami after a failed coup attempt.  Odette used to work as a maid in the general’s Art Deco mansion and Nico is obsessed with her.

Gina is able to convince Odette to testify against Nico but then the general brings Odette’s mother to America and offers her a good deal of money in return for Odette agreeing to testify that the encounter with Nico was consensual.  Because her family is poor and desperately needs the money, Odette agrees.  With the charges dropped,  Nico goes to Odette’s home and kills her.

Gina goes to the general’s mansion and confronts Nico, knowing that it will lead to him trying to attack her in her apartment.  When Nico shows up, he’s carrying a switchblade but he drops it as soon as he sees that Gina has a gun.  Gina shoots him dead.

Watching this show, one gets the feeling that being a supporting player on Miami Vice could be a thankless task.  Switek, Zito, Trudy, and Gina are in every episode but they rarely get to do much.  This week Gina gets to have a moment and Saundra Santiago makes the most of it.  This episode exists in the shadow of the first season’s Give A Little, Take A Little, in which Gina was raped by Burt Young and, at the end of the episode, shot him dead as well.  At one point, when Sonny is arguing that Gina needs to accept that Odette is not going to press charges against Nico, Gina says that he knows why she can’t do that.  Later, after Odette dies, Gina fears that, because of her own experience, she may have pushed Odette too hard.  In the end, Gina shoots and kills an unarmed man, just as she did in Give A Little, Take A Little.  It’s a ruthless move but both of the men were scum who totally deserved it.  It’s hard not to appreciate the idea of Gina serving as Miami’s version of Ms. 45.

As I said at the start of this review, this is a dark episode.  Nico’s father committed war crimes in Bolivia but now he’s remade himself as a respectable member of Miami society.  Nico and his father live in a fabulous mansion and Nico spends his day lounging by the pool.  Meanwhile, Odette struggles day-to-day and is essentially sold out by her own mother.  (One of the things that gives Nico away as the rapist is the fact that Sonny recognizes the smell of his extremely expensive — and apparently rather pungent — cologne on Odette’s clothes.)  Nico feels that he can do whatever he wants to Odette because he’s rich and  she’s “bought and paid for.”  The system fails and Gina is forced to put her life at risk to get some sort of justice for Odette.  This is Miami Vice at its bleakest.  The world under all of the glitz and glamour is a dark one.

There is one funny moment though.  Gina and Sonny go out to a club with Tubbs and Odette.  Sonny watches Tubbs dance with Odette and he starts laughing.  And he simply can’t stop.  It feels like such a spontaneous moment that I have to wonder if it was scripted or if Don Johnson really did think Philip Michael Thomas was just a terrible dancer.

Next week, a figure from Crockett’s past resurfaces in Miami.  Maybe Castillo can give him so advice on how to deal with that.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi Junior High 2.13 “Pass Tense”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi Junior High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1987 to 1989!  The series can be streamed on YouTube!

The second season of Degrassi Junior High comes to a close with a historic episode!

Episode 2.13 “Pass Tense”

(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on March 28th, 1988)

The school year is nearly over and it’s time for the 8th Grade to graduate.  Next year, they will all be going to high school except …. well, they won’t.  Even while Stephanie and the Farrell Twins are making fun of the 7th Graders for having to do all the work to prepare for the big graduation dance, word comes down from the district that, starting next year, Degrassi Junior High will have a Grade 9.  Even though most of the show’s characters are set to graduate and go to High School, they’ll still be attending classes at Degrassi Junior High next season school year.

(The official story is that the high school was overcrowded so adding a Grade 9 to Degrassi was the only option.  The truth, of course, is that the show got popular and was renewed for a third season and the show’s producers didn’t want to lose 75% of their cast.)

However, one eighth grader will not be “graduating.”  Joey Jeremiah has flunked! Oddly, Joey passed his final exams but, as Raditch puts it, he only scraped by and Raditch feels that Joey is too smart to only be scraping by.  Mr. Raditch called Joey’s parents and told them that Joey could either go into the 9th Grade and be put in a low-academic program or he could repeat the 8th Grade and hopefully mature a little.  Joey’s parents agreed that Joey should be held back.  “Flunk our son!” they apparently said.

(To be honest, this seems like kind of an unfair move on the part of Mr. Raditch and I’m not really sure how Joey can be held back after passing all of his exams.  It seems rather arbitrary.)

At first, Joey declares that he’s not going to go to the graduation dance, even though the Zit Remedy is scheduled to make their public debut.  Wheels confronts Joey and tells him that he’s smart and that he owes it to his friends to show up.  Wheels gets a bit judgmental, all thing considered.  Joey is being held back on the whims of Mr. Raditch so Joey really has every right to be mad.  Aren’t there any lawyers in Canada who can sue the school on Joey’s behalf?

(Add to that, I always smile a bit whenever Wheels gets judgmental of anyone.  Hey, Wheels, Joey’s not the one who is destined to go to prison for killing someone while driving drunk.)

Joey eventually does show up at the dance, apparently having been convinced that his friends won’t be laughing at him behind his back.  (From what we see, everyone is supportive.  I guess they’re just nicer in Canada.)  Greeting Snake and Wheels, Joey takes a moment to flirt, for the first time, with Caitlin, who is destined to become the love of his life.  He then says that he’s ready to perform.  This leads to a historic moment as the Zit Remedy takes the stage for the very first time.  They perform their one and only song, the deathless Everybody Wants Something.

Everybody wants something

They’ll never give up

Everybody wants something

They’ll take your money

And never give up

Finally, Spike, who is allowed to attend the dance after not being allowed to attend class, goes into a labor as the episode’s end credits roll.  This is a huge moment, both because Spike is giving birth to Emma Nelson, who will be the lead character for the first few seasons of Degrassi: The Next Generation.  A running joke on DTNG would be Emma’s hatred of Everybody Wants Something so, for me, it was kind of fun to watch this episode and discover that this was the last song Spike listened to before giving birth.

(Speaking of Degrassi: The Next Generation, I had to smile at just how much Joey freaked out about getting held back.  DTNG was infamous for using the flimsiest of excuses to keep its more popular characters from graduating on time.  Ashley, Jimmy, Spinner, and a host of others were all held back.  Spinner was actually held back twice.)

And so ends the second season of Degrassi Junior High.  The second season was great and this finale did everything that a good finale is meant to do.  It wrapped up two major storylines while also hinting at what the future held.  It also gave Pat Mastroianni, Neil Hope, and Amanda Stepto a chance to show how much all three of them had developed as actors since the show’s first season. Mastroianni especially did a good job as Joey realized that his year of goofing off and not trying had finally caught up with him.  That said, I still think he needs to sue both the school and Mr. Raditch.  He probably needs to get emancipated from his parents as well.  What type of mother or father says, “Flunk my child?”

Next week, we start season 3!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Check it Out 2.2 “Edna’s Phantom Romance”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Season 2 continues with more inconsistent Howard and Edna weirdness.

Episode 2.2 “Edna’s Phantom Romance”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on October 10th, 1986)

Howard Bannister is, once again, the most unromantic man who has ever lived.

Now, I know that goes against what we’ve recently seen of Howard.  In fact, just last week, Howard agreed to go without a paycheck for two months so that he and Edna could have a vacation together.  This show has never been particularly consistent when it comes to its portrayal of Howard and Edna’s relationship.  When it first started, Howard was portrayed as being a jerk.  Then, he became a romantic.  Then he went back to being a jerk.  And then he become, yet again, a romantic.  And now, he’s back to being a jerk.  And Edna has gone from being snarky to naive to intelligent to naive again that it’s next to impossible to really say for sure who she is supposed to be.

Edna and Howard’s anniversary is coming up.  Edna wants him to take her to Hawaii.  Howard would rather stay at home and watch bowling.  It seems to be an impasse but myself, I’m wondering if Edna realizes that flying from Canada to Hawaii is not exactly something that one does on a whim.  I mean, you don’t just hop down to Hawaii for a few hours and then fly back, especially not on a retail worker’s salary.  Howard may be the manager but I doubt he has enough money to purchase a private jet.  Plus, Edna and Howard just took a 2-month vacation.  She could have gone to Hawaii then.

Edna, trying to get Howard’s attention, hires one of Leslie’s community theater friends to pretend to be her new boyfriend.  Howard freaks out after he sees Edna and the actor together.  Edna thinks that Howard is going to propose to her but instead, he breaks up with her.  “Oh, Howard!” Edna says before explaining that she was just paying the other guy to pretend to be in love with her.  Howard is surprisingly okay with that and the two of them get back together.  It’s interesting that Howard doesn’t care that Edna has basically spent a week lying to and manipulating him.

This was one of those really annoying and dumb episodes where every problem could have been resolved by people just talking to each other and not making assumptions.  Bleh.  I hate episodes like this.

On the plus side, Marlene’s constantly changing hairstyle remains the best thing about the show.  Here’s what she went with this week:

This episode was pretty dumb and I’m pretty sure that they already did a Howard-Screws-Up-His-Anniversary episode during the previous season.  If Check It Out! is already repeating itself (and especially if its repeating itself to diminishing returns), that means I’ve got a long few months ahead of me as I make my way through seasons 2 and 3 of this show.

Next week …. oh, who knows?

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 4/7/24 — 4/13/24

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Other than the shows that I watch for my retro television reviews, I didn’t watch a lot this week.  I was busy with other things.  (Luckily, I did get to watch a few movies.)  Here’s a few thoughts on what I did watch.

On Wednesday, I watched a screener for Chaser, which is a thought-provoking and surreal science fiction series that can currently be viewed on Prime.  I was flattered to get a chance to watch it for free and to review it.  I posted a review of the show on Friday so read the review and watch the show and leave a comment detailing how much you liked my review.

Abbott Elementary returned this week.  Janine was offered a full-time job with the District and she accepted it, much to Gregory’s disappointment.  To be honest, I’m kind of bored and more than a little frustrated with Janine and Gregory.  Gregory’s inability to act on his feelings has crossed the line from being an sweet example of social awkwardness to just being annoying.  My hope, as it has been from the start, is that Janine will realize that she is meant to teach and we’ll finally be done with all of this District nonsense.  That said, I did enjoy the AI storyline and Jacob’s shock at discovering that no one was reading his emails.  We’ve all known someone or had a friend like Jacob.  I would totally subscribe to Mr. Johnson’s newsletter.

I watched an old episode of Night Flight on Friday.  It dealt with androgynous rock stars so, not surprisingly, the majority of it was made up of videos from David Bowie and Queen.

Today, I binged the new Netflix reality show, Unlocked: A Jail Experiment.  Shot in Little Rock, Arkansas, the show dealt with a sheriff who decided to give one cell block a good deal of freedom to see if they could handle it.  It was an interesting show, though a lot of it seemed to be staged.  It was hard not to notice that the camera was always in the perfect position to pick up the most drama.  I also had to laugh at the inmates who said they were worried about getting caught doing something illegal but who then proceeded to make a shank or brew jail moonshine while the cameras were pointed straight at them.  I mean, when Miller was making his shank and bragging about how he was going to use it against anyone who got on his nerves, did he not realize that show’s footage could probably be used in court?  Unlocked was a slightly more amusing version of 60 Days In.  Speaking of which, the sheriff on this show was surprisingly likable, especially when compared to the majority of the law enforcement people who have appeared on 60 Days In.

And that’s that, with the exception of the retro shows that I watch every week for this site.  As I said, I didn’t watch a lot this week.  I’m running behind on both Survivor and The Amazing Race.  And, at some point, I’d like to watch the latest seasons of The Bachelor and Farmer Wants A Wife.  Hopefully, I’ll soon be caught up.

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.17 “Meet Your New Teacher: Batteries Not Included”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, a computer tries to take over Gabe’s class.  I wonder how Barbarino will react….

Okay, everyone, it’s Barbarino time!

Episode 3.17 “Meet Your New Teacher: Batteries Not Included”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on January 5th, 1978)

Barbarino’s not in this episode.

That may seem like an strange detail with which to lead off this review but, as far as the third season has been concerned, John Travolta’s performance as Barbarino has been one of the few consistently good things about Welcome Back, Kotter.  I’m going to guess that Travolta was absent from shooting because of the success of Saturday Night Fever.  Maybe he was off filming Grease.  That’s all understandable but still, the show really suffers when he’s not around.  Of the Sweathogs, he was the one who usually avoided turning into a cartoon.  In his way, he was the anchor of the group.  Plus, by this point, he was the only one who still looked young enough to be in high school.

Fortunately, John Sylvester White is in this episode.  If Travolta played an important role in keeping the show grounded, White’s unhinged performance as Woodman did an equally good job of keeping the show funny.  White could make even the simplest of lines hilarious by virtue of the incredible bitterness in Woodman’s voice.

This week, Mr. Woodman is excited because he’s purchased a computer that can teach!  He rolls it into Gabe’s classroom and informs Gabe that, from now on, he’ll be asking the computer for answers.

Obviously, it’s easy to roll your eyes at that bulky computer, especially since it appears to be more of a typewriter than anything else.  (I’m going to assume that is was state-of-the-art for the 70s).  Still, one could argue that this episode predicted the rise of A.I.  Gabe types in his questions and then the computer gives him an answer.  The computer has been programmed to always be correct.  Gabe complains that the computer can’t tell jokes but the Sweathogs don’t care.  They love the computer!  And, after a few days, Woodman returns to the classroom with a chart that shows how everyone’s grades have improved.

Woodman thinks that the computer is his ticket to a promotion.  He also thinks that the computer will finally allow him to fire Gabe.  (Sometimes, Woodman likes Gabe and sometimes, he tries to get him fired.  Normally, I’d complain about the inconsistency but the genius of John Sylvester White’s performance is that you just accept that Woodman’s insane and move on.)  The Sweathogs fear that Gabe will lose his job so Epstein sabotages the computer so that it gives wrong answers when Woodman tries to demonstrate it to a district representative.  Did you know the Harlem Globetrotters fought at the Battle of Waterloo?

It’s never really made clear how Epstein sabotaged the computer but no matter.  One of the flaws of AI is that, even though it acts like its thinking, it’s actually just repeating whatever it’s programmed to do.  This computer claims that the Globetrotters fought at Waterloo.  Decades later, Google Gemini would become infamous for creating ahistorical images of black and female presidents who were all presumably elected at a time when only white men were allowed to vote or run for office.  AI never changes.

I would have loved to have seen Barbarino interact with the computer.  He was seriously missed in this episode.  But Woodman’s unhinged personality made up for a lot of that.  This was fun, even if it still wasn’t nearly as memorable as any of the episodes from the first two seasons of the show.

As for this episodes jokes, Gabe tried to tell Julie a joke about his Uncle Magnovich.  Julie didn’t seem to care that much.  At the end of the episode, Gabe tried to tell the computer a joke.  The computer did not react.  “Don’t you get it?” Gabe typed.

“No,” the computer replied.

Poor Gabe!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 1.25 “What A Mother Wouldn’t Do”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week, a crib from the Titanic demands blood!

Episode 1.25 “What A Mother Wouldn’t Do”

(Dir by Neill Fearnley, originally aired July 18th, 1988)

After being told that her unborn child should be aborted because it’s just going to die anyway, Leslie Kent (Lynne Cormack) seeks peace inside an antique shop called Curious Goods.  The shop’s owner, Lewis Vedredi (R.G. Armstrong), shows her an antique crib that he says was on the Titanic.  Leslie is intrigued by the crib and, six months later, she is overjoyed when her friends reveal that they have purchased the crib for her as a gift.  Seriously, who wouldn’t want a crib that was once used by a baby who probably drowned in icy water when the Titanic sank?

The crib does have a special power.  It can cure sick babies!  Of course, the cure only works if the crib’s owner first kills seven people in a body of water.  After baby Allison is born, Leslie and her husband Martin (Michael Countryman) start killing random people in an effort to save their baby’s life.

It presents quite a moral quandary.  If Micki and Ryan don’t retrieve the cursed crib, Leslie and Martin will continue to kill.  However, if they do get the crib, Allison will die.  Are they prepared to sacrifice an innocent baby just to get their hands on the crib?  To its credit, Friday the 13th: The Series didn’t shy away from these questions.  In this episode, the villains are not unsympathetic.  Martin hates to kill but he’s trying to save his baby.  As for Leslie, the episode’s title says it all.  What wouldn’t a mother do to save the life of her baby?  As disturbing as the murders may be, they’re nowhere near as frightening as the cold and clinical way that Leslie is ordered to get an abortion at the start of the episode.

In the end, both Martin and Leslie end up sacrificing themselves to save Allison’s life.  But Allison disappears from her crib, leaving a terrified Micki to wonder if the evil within the crib has taken her.  Fear not.  As the final shot show, her babysitter Debbie (Robyn Stevan), grabbed the now healthy baby from the crib and then got on bus to start a new life.  The baby looks up at her and smiles for the first time.  Awwwww!

This was a good episode, with Micki and Ryan both coming to realize that the owners of the antiques are often as much victims as those they harm.  Chris Wiggins dif good job of portraying Jack’s single-minded determination to find all of Lewis’s cursed antiques while Lynne Cormack and Michael Countryman were poignant as two villains for whom you couldn’t help but feel some sympathy.

Next week, season one comes to an end!

Retro Television Review: T and T 3.4 “Cry Wolf”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990.  The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, someone from the past shows up but it’s not Amy.

Episode 3.4 “Cry Wolf”

(Dir by Alan Simmonds, originally aired on January 26th, 1990)

While filming footage for what is sure to be a riveting cinematic essay on urban decay, high school student Martina (Joanne Vannicola) films a drug deal going to down in an abandoned warehouse.  (The world of T and T was full of abandoned warehouses where people were either selling drugs or hiding stolen money.)  Unfortunately, Martina runs out of film before actually capturing the drugs being exchanged.  Everyone who sees the footage says that it doesn’t prove anything.

Martina decides to take justice into her own hands.  I’m not really sure why.  Martina’s obsession with tracking down the drug dealers and getting them arrested feels somewhat unhinged and it’s a bit disturbing to see coming from a teenager.  I mean, Martina doesn’t know the drug dealers.  She is apparently not a user of cocaine.  She’s just decided that these people deserve to be taken down by her.  One gets the feeling that Martina is going to grow up to be a member of the secret police.

Martina’s investigation leads her to a suburban couple who capture her and make plans to eventually kill her.  Fortunately, Martina’s best friend is Joe Casper (Sean Roberge) and he is able to enlist his mentor, T.S. Turner, to save Martina’s life.

That’s right!  Joe’s back.  He was a semi-regular during the second season, appearing in the opening credits even though he rarely got to do anything on the show.  Still, the return of Joe would, in theory, be the perfect opportunity for the show to explain what happened to Amy.  Amy and Joe were close, after all. It seems like it would be natural for Joe and Turner to say something about missing Amy and perhaps provide us with a clue as to why Amy has been replaced by Terri.

However, that doesn’t happen.  In fact, Turner acts as if he barely knows Joe, despite the fact that he practically adopted him during the second season.  “Why are you kids always here?” he growls when he sees Joe and Martina in Decker’s gym.  And seriously, why is everyone always in Decker’s gym?  The place is a dump!  And is there no one at the gym who could tell T.S. that the hot pink bodysuit that he wears while boxing looks kind of silly?

Anyway, T.S. goes down to the suburbs and saves Martina.  As usual, it doesn’t take much effort because the drug dealers are all kind of wimpy whereas T.S. Turner is Mr. T.  It was only as things ended that I realized that Terri didn’t even appear in this episode.  With Amy gone and Terri not being all the important, T and T is feeling more and more like T.

This episode was pretty dumb but I did appreciate that the drug dealers were essentially just two suburbanites who had no idea what they were doing.  That was a nice twist.  But otherwise …. yeah, pretty dumb.