Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.5 “Mr. Nobody/La Liberatora”

Posted on July 2, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Almost the entire show is currently streaming on Daily Motion, YouTube, Plex, and a host of other sites.

This week, Charo shows up but Tattoo doesn’t.

Episode 5.5 “Mr. Nobody/La Liberatora”

(Dir by Cliff Bole, originally aired on November 7th, 1981)

Once again, we have an episode the features only stock footage of Tattoo shouting, “The plane, the plane!” Otherwise, Herve Villechaize is not in this episode.

What excuse does Mr. Roarke come up with this week to explain Tattoo’s absence?

He’s hung over.

Seriously, that’s what Mr. Roarke goes with! He explains to Julie that Tattoo was up very late, helping another guest celebrate a drunken fantasy. It must be said that Ricardo Montalban seems to be quite amused to be labeling his sidekick a drunk. Apparently, Herve Villechaize was holding out for more money when this episode was shot and I’m guessing Tattoo being hung over was a “take that” on the part of the show’s producers. To be honest, it feels a bit petty.

It falls to Julie to help Charles Atkins (Sherman Hemsley) fulfill his fantasy. Charles is a short man who has been picked on by bullies all his life. He wants to feel strong and confident. Julie gives him a potion that she thinks will give him “inner strength” but — whoops! — instead it turns Charles into the world’s strongest man. As Roarke admonishes Julie for not being specific when she ordered her potion, Charles embarks on a wrestling career. Can Charles defeat Sampson Smith (H.B. Haggerty), the most savage wrestler in the world? Or will he instead fall in love with Sampson’s publicist, Carrie Wilson (Vernee Watson) and realize that true strength comes from inside? We all know the answer. A more important question is whether Mr. Roarke will ever be foolish enough to let Julie handle a fantasy again?

This fantasy was nothing special. The comedy was a bit too broad, though I did like the heartfelt performances of both Sherman Hemsley and Vernee Watson. The main problem is that the whole thing hinged on Julie screwing up in a way that really didn’t make any sense. Surely, she would have been smart enough to make sure she had the right potion before giving it to Charles. I mean, not being careful with your potions sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen. Surely, Mr. Roarke would have kept a closer eye on his goddaughter as she handled her first fantasy ever. Poor bumbling Julie doesn’t really work as a sidekick. The show suffers without Villechaize’s snarky attitude.

Villechaize’s absence means that we also miss the chance to see him acting opposite Charo and that just seems like a crime against pop culture. I have to admit that I was a little worried when I saw Charo’s name in the opening credits, largely because I thought she would be playing her silly Love Boat character. Instead, Charo plays a world-famous guitarist named Dolores DeMurica, whose fantasy is to go back to the days of Spanish California and meet her ancestor, the famous El Lobo Rojo. (El Lobo Rojo is basically Zorro but if Fantasy Island’s producers weren’t going to give Herve Villechaize a raise, they certainly weren’t going to pay for the rights to Zorro.)

I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised by Charo’s fantasy. There was a lot of swashbuckling action, Cesare Danova and Alex Cord both gave good supporting performances, and Charo seemed to be energized by playing a character who, while comedic, was not quite as silly as The Love Boat‘s April. Charo actually gave a pretty good performance here and the entire fantasy was fast-paced and fun to watch. It would have been even more fun if Tattoo had shown up but it was not to be.

This episode was a mixed bag, with one forgettable fantasy and one entertaining fantasy. In the end, both fantasies would have been better with Tattoo.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.4 “The Last Cowboy/The Lady and the Monster”

Posted on June 25, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s time for another trip to the Island!

Episode 5.4 “The Last Cowboy/The Lady and the Monster”

(Dir by Don Chaffey, originally aired on October 31st, 1981)

For the second week in a row, Tattoo is notably absent in this episode. He is seen in the stock footage that opens each episode of Fantasy Island. Shortly afterwards, his pre-recorded voice is briefly heard when Mr. Roarke explains to Julie that Tattoo has been turned invisible so that he can help with the fantasy of another guest who is also invisible. Seriously, that’s the excuse that the show goes with. Tattoo is “there” but he can’t be seen. I can only imagine what was going on behind-the-scenes with Herve Villechaize. It’s easy to assume that Villechaize was holding out for more money but, to be honest, it’s almost too easy to assume that. It’s also possible that Villechaize may have just asked for some time off to pursue his career as a singer.

As for the fantasies, the better of the two featured Lynda Day George as scientist Carla Frankenstein, who comes to the island because she wants to clear her ancestor’s reputation for being mad. Fortunately, the castle of Baron Frankenstein just happens to be on the Island! In the castle, Carla finds evidence that, rather than trying to bring the dead back to life, the Baron was instead working on ways to extend the average lifespan. She also discovers that the Baron’s monster (played by veteran character actor William Smith) is still living in the castle!

The Monster is a dignified old soul who has been mistreated every time that he’s left the Castle. Carla befriends him but again, the Monster is forced to confront the pettiness of the outside world when a corporate spy (Ken Swofford) tries to take both Carla and Julie hostage. After Carla and Julia are rescued, the Monster retreats to the Castle but Carla promises that she will not only return to see him but that she will also continue her ancestor’s research. In fact, her company is going to build a lab on the Island and presumably employ the one or two Islanders who aren’t already employed by Mr. Roarke.

This was a Halloween episode so a Frankenstein fantasy feels appropriate. William Smith played the role of the Monster with a wounded dignity that was actually quite touching. His lonely existence was quite sad and I was actually glad when Roarke suggested that he and Julie would, from now on, be joining the Monster for dinner.

As for the other fantasy, Joe Campbell (Stuart Whitman) is yet another city slicker who wants to be a cowboy. Joe thinks that Roarke is going to send him to the old west, as he has done for so many other people with the exact same fantasy. Instead, Roarke gets all technical and says that Joe’s specific fantasy was to be a cowboy and not to travel to the old west. Joe finds himself working as a hired hand on a modern-day ranch. Once Joe stops whining (and it takes a while), he falls in love with widow Margaret Blair (Diane Baker), becomes a surrogate father to Jimmy Blair (Jimmy Baio), and he chasess off an evil biker (Robert Tessier). In the end, Joe asks for permission to remain at the ranch and Fantasy Island. Roarke agrees, probably so Joe can potentially replace Julie if she ever asks for a raise like Tattoo did.

This fantasy felt a bit too familiar. It’s always weird how Roarke will arbitrarily decide to be strict with some guests while letting others do whatever they want.

Anyway, here’s hoping Tattoo returns next week!

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.3 “Cyrano/The Magician”

Posted on June 18, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week …. someone’s missing!

Episode 5.3 “Cyrano/The Magician”

(Dir by Dan Chaffey, originally aired on October 24th, 1981)

Hey, where’s Tattoo!?

Technically, Tattoo does appear in this episode but it’s only in the stock footage that appeared at the start of every episode. Tattoo rings the bell and announces, “Da plane …. da plane!” but that’s it. He does not meet Mr. Roarke outside of the bungalow. He is not present to greet the guests. He’s not present to say goodbye to the guests. Tattoo is nowhere to be seen and, somewhat disconcertingly, no mention is made of why he’s missing. Instead, Mr. Roarke and Julie handle the fantasies in this episode.

If I had to guess, I’d say that Herve Villechaize was having a salary dispute with the producers. It seems obvious that Julie was brought in as a way to tell Villechaize that he was replaceable. However, Tattoo’s absence is felt so strongly in this episode that it seems likely that all the producers did was prove Villechaize’s point about why he deserved more money. Wendy Schaal is a likable performer but she had close to no real chemistry with Ricardo Montalban and Julie was such a blandly-written character that there was no way she could replace the enigmatic and rather cynical Tattoo.

Sad to say, one of this episode’s fantasies feels as if it would have been perfect for Tattoo’s commentary. Marjorie Denton (Carol Lynley) is a bus driver who wants to go back to a time when men were at their most chivalrous. She finds herself back in 17th century France, a time when men were chivalrous but woman had absolutely no rights. At first, she is thrilled to be the subject of the attentions of both the handsome Gaston (Simon MacCorkindale) and the poetic Cyrano de Bergerac (John Saxon). She is less thrilled to catch the eye of the Marquis de Sade (Lloyd Bochner). It’s not a bad fantasy, though Cyrano and De Sade were not quite contemporaries. But it’s hard not to think about how Villechaize was always at his best when dealing with wounded romanticism. Since Cyrano himself turned out to be a guest having a fantasy, it’s hard not to regret that Tattoo was not around to encourage him.

As for the other fantasy, it’s one of those silly and kind of boring comedic fantasies that was obviously included for the kids. (“Mommy, who is the Marquis De Sade?”) Timothy Potter (Bart Braverman), no relation to Harry, is a bad magician who wants to be a great magician. Mr. Roarke gives him a collection of old spell books and an assistant named Suva (Judy Landers), whom Timothy proceeds to fall in love with. Unfortunately, Timothy doesn’t bother to study the books like Roarke told him to and he accidentally makes Suva disappear. In the end, though, Roarke assures Timothy that he just sent her to Cleveland, which just happens to be his hometown. There’s a chimpanzee in this fantasy and the chimp gives the most compelling performance. The only thing that could have saved this fantasy would have been some snarky Tattoo commentary.

Is it possible to have Fantasy Island without Tattoo? Based on this episode, the answer would be no. Let’s hope he returns next week.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.2 “The Devil and Mr. Roarke/Ziegfeld Girls/Kid Corey Rides Again”

Posted on May 21, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week is a busy one as Mr. Roarke deals with several guests, a new assistant …. AND THE DEVIL!

Episode 5.2 “The Devil and Mr. Roarke/Ziegfeld Girls/Kid Corey Rides Again”

(Dir by Don Chaffey, originally aired on October 17th, 1981)

The plane lands at the Island, carrying four people in search of a fantasy. Waiting to greet them are Mr. Roarke, Tattoo, and Julie. After being told that she wasn’t ready to greet the guests last week, Julie has finally been promoted. And if you thought that Mr. Roarke and Tattoo occasionally had an awkward chemistry, it’s nothing compared to how awkward things feel with a third person cheerfully taking part in their conversations. Wendy Schaal is likable enough as Julie but it’s hard to understand why, in-universe, the character is there.

As for our guests, Joan (Barbi Benton in old-age makeup) and Rubi (Audrey Landers, in even more old-age makeup) are former Ziegfeld girls who want to relive their youth. Joan’s niece, Billie (Betty Kennedy), is appearing in a Ziegfeld-style revue that is being directed by Carl Wagner (Dack Rambo). Mr. Roarke agree to make Rubi and Joan young again, with the understanding that it will only be for the weekend and that they can’t tell anyone about their fantasy while they’re experiencing it. The women agree and are overjoyed when they are transformed into their younger selves. (I’m going to guess that Benton and Landers were probably even happier to ditch the old age makeup.) Rubi promptly decides to steal Carl away from Billie. Joan is shocked by Rubi’s behavior and she has to decide whether to allow her friend to live her fantasy or to tell the truth about what she and Rubi are doing on the island.

Also going into the past is a meek shoe salesman named Ned Plummer (Arte Johnson). Ned wants to go back to the old west so that he can meet his hero, outlaw Kid Corey. Corey is famous for disappearing after pulling off a million dollar robbery. Ned even has an old picture of Corey in which Corey possesses a definite resemblance to Ned himself. Mr. Roarke warns Ned that, when he goes to the past, the bullets will be real and he won’t be able to return to the present until his fantasy is over. Given a magic horse, Ned rides into the past and promptly meets Kid Corey (Jack Elam).

It turns out that Kid Corey doesn’t look like Ned. It also turns out that Kid Corey is not the Robin Hood-type figure that he was made out to be in the history books. Kid Corey isn’t even a Kid! He’s an irascible old man who doesn’t lift a finger when Ned is arrested by Sheriff Matt (Cameron Mitchell, naturally enough), taken to jail, and sentenced to hang. Oh no! It sound like it’s time for Mr. Roarke to save Ned, right? Well, Mr. Roarke is busy with another situation so it’s Tattoo who shows up in Ned’s fantasy and, oddly, Tattoo doesn’t seem to be that worried about Ned getting executed. Maybe Tattoo is planning on blaming it all on Julie. (That said, it is nice to see Tattoo get to do something more than just as Mr. Roarke questions. In this episode, Herve Villechaize seems to be enjoying the chance to show off his snarky side.)

What is occupying Mr. Roarke’s attention? Well, Satan (Roddy McDowall) has returned to the Island. He claims that he’s just looking for a relaxing weekend but it soon becomes obvious that, once again, he wants Roarke’s soul. Mr. Roarke warns Julie to be careful what she says around the Devil. So, of course, Julie promptly offers to give away her soul.

Now, in Julie’s defense, she was trying to save a guest who was drowning in quicksand and what she said is that she would do anything to save the guest’s life. Satan hears and saves the guest in return for Julie giving him her soul at midnight. Still, I have to wonder why Julie hadn’t been previously trained on how to pull someone out of quicksand. I mean, if she’s ready to meet the guests then I would think that Roarke would have given her quicksand training. That really seems like the first thing that someone should learn when they start working on Fantasy Island.

(For that matter, why is there so much quicksand on a resort!?)

Satan — surprise! — is willing to call off his deal with Julie in return for Roarke giving up his soul at midnight. Roarke agrees but then he tricks Satan by singing a contract transferring possession of his soul to Julie. Since Roarke’s soul is now Julie’s, Roarke can’t get give it away. Because the overly cocky Satan spends too much time gloating and then gets upset over being conned, he loses track of time and the midnight hour passes without Satan taking anyone’s souls.

(I’m not sure if any of this would hold up in court but, to be honest, I don’t really know much about contract law.)

With three stories and a new sidekick to introduce, this was a very busy episode. The Ziegfeld and the Old West fantasies were nicely done. The Ziegfeld costumes were to die for and Jack Elam was memorably uncouth in the role of Kid Corey. That said, as you can probably guess, the main attraction here is Roddy McDowall hamming it up as the Devil. He and Montalban both seem to be having a lot of fun in this episode and their confrontation is entertaining to watch. I wish Julie hadn’t been portrayed as being such a naive fool but still, this was an enjoyable weekend on the Island.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.1 “Show Me A Hero/Slam Dunk”

Posted on May 14, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Smiles, everyone, smiles! It’s time to start the 5th season!

Episode 5.1 “Show Me A Hero/Slam Dunk”

(Dir by Phillip Leacock, originally aired on October 10th, 1981)

The fifth season brings some changes to Fantasy Island.

For instance, at the start of the season premiere, Roarke gifts Tattoo a platform that he can stand on while greeting and saying goodbye to the guests and so that he can, visually, be on equal footing with Mr. Roarke. From what I’ve read, this was something that Herve Villechaize specifically requested as a condition for agreeing to continue with the show. Considering that the previous season didn’t give Tattoo much to do, I can understand Villechaize’s logic.

The other big change is that Roarke has a new assistant. His goddaughter, Julie (Wendy Schaal), has spent the summer working on Fantasy Island. She only appears briefly in this episode, asking Mr. Roarke if she can greet the guests with him. Roarke tells her that she’s not quite ready but perhaps next week, she will get the opportunity….

And really, Julie should feel good about that because neither fantasy is really that interesting this week.

Matt Kane (Sonny Bono) is a short sportswriter who wants to become a great basketball player and play for a team called the California Top Hatters (who the Hell came up with that name?) because he thinks that’s the only way that he’ll be able to win the heart of Ginger Donavon (Jenilee Harrison), the daughter of the team’s coach (Forrest Tucker). Mr. Roarke warns Matt that there’s more to love than being able to play basketball but he still gives Matt a pair of magic sneakers.

Matt becomes a great basketball player. (For some reason, the team is practicing on Fantasy Island). Coach Donavon says that, if Matt wants a place on the team, he’ll have to beat out rookie sensation Skyhook Schuyler (Peter Isacksen). Fortunately, Matt comes to realize that he can’t win Ginger by being the best player. Instead, he has to be a better person. He removes his shoes and bombs the try out. But he gets to leave the island with Ginger.

Sonny Bono was a frequent guest star on both this show and The Love Boat. He always played dorky guys who tried too hard to be cool. That’s certainly the case here but what should be charming is made a bit bland by the total lack of chemistry between him and Jenilee Harrison. On the plus side, Tattoo actually gets to do something in this fantasy, serving as a confidante to Skyhook. It turns out that Skyhook is just as insecure about being tall as Tattoo is about being short. To help Skyhook, Tattoo paints a picture of him so that Skyhook can see his kind soul. Awwww! Seriously, Herve Villechaize totally earned his right to stand on that platform.

As for the other fantasy, Helen Ross (Connie Stevens) is engaged to Ted Kingman (Martin Milner) but she can’t get over her former lover, John Day (David Hedison). She thinks that John died while serving in the military but Mr. Roarke reveals that John actually survived the war and he lives on a nearby island. Helen is reunited with John, just to discover that he’s a cad who faked his own death and became a deserter. Helen leaves the Island feeling confident in her decision to marry Ted.

It’s only after she leaves that the truth is revealed. Ted is currently serving a prison sentence. Mr. Roarke arranged for Ted to have a weekend with freedom, on the condition that he lie about his situation to Helen so that she could move on from their failed romance. So, basically, Mr. Roarke took Helen’s money and then lied to her. Uhmm …. seriously, what the Hell, Mr. Roarke?

This was a bit of an underwhelming start for the fifth season but fear not! Next week …. Roddy McDowall returns as the Devil and he wants Mr. Roarke’s soul!

Til then….

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 4.24 “Paquito’s Birthday/Technical Advisor”

Posted on May 7, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, season 4 comes to an end.

Episode 4.24 “Paquito’s Birthday/Technical Advisor”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on May 23rd, 1981)

This week, Tattoo is stunned to see Manuel (A Martinez) and Consuelo Lopez (Linda Cristal) get off the plane with their young son, Paquito (Anthony Trujillo). Tattoo immediately guesses that Mr. Roarke must have given them a special deal so they could come to the Island and he snaps that Roarke is too nice.

Roarke, never one to worry about being nice when it come to Tattoo, replies that young Paquito nearly died earlier in the year and now, Manuel and Consuelo are on the verge of losing their frame. Manual and Consuelo wanted to give Paquito a wonderful birthday party before they end up homeless. Take that, Tattoo!

Manuel’s wealthy relative, Dona Delores (Victoria Racimo), is also on the Island and Paqutio soon starts hanging out with her, despite Manuel resenting her for having money. Delores, who cannot have children of her own, has an idea. Maybe she could adopt Paquito and give him the life that Manuel and Consuelo never could. In return, she could help Manuel’s out with his money problems.

Don’t worry! Manuel and Conseulo don’t lose Paquito and they even get to stay on Fantasy Island. And it also turns out that Delores isn’t so bad after all. This is Fantasy Island and nothing bad has happened on Fantasy Island since that hunter died at the end of his fantasy. The ending is happy and the fantasy is ultimately pleasant and kind of forgettable. In the end, what I’ll always remember is that the voice of young Paquito was obviously dubbed by an adult woman trying to sound like a child. That was kind of weird.

Of course, it wasn’t as weird as the other fantasy.

Nancy Harvester (Randi Oakes) has spent the past few years of your life taking care of her terminally ill uncle. After her uncle passed, he left her a fantasy in his will. He wants Nancy to enjoy life and finally get a boyfriend. When Roarke informs Nancy why her uncle wanted his will to be read on Fantasy Island, Nancy replies that she’s never even been with a man and there’s no way she can make her uncle’s last fantasy come true. (Her uncle’s last fantasy was for his niece to lose her virginity? That is definitely kind of creepy….) Fortunately, Nancy’s childhood crush, Gene (Jim Stafford), is on the Island and Roarke summons a special friend to give Nancy advise.

Meet Helen of Troy (played by Jill St. John)!

Yes, the same Helen of Troy who inspired one of the bloodiest and most tragic wars in ancient history is the person that Mr. Roarke recruits to give advise to Nancy. I mean, was the mermaid busy? What about Aphrodite? Remember how Aphrodite lives on Fantasy Island? Couldn’t Mr. Roarke have asked them to help out?

Interestingly enough, the dialogue between Helen and Roarke indicate that they are lifelong friends, which would indicate that Mr. Roarke is several thousand years old. Helen also makes a few comments that suggest that she and Roarke were once quite close. Was Mr. Roarke involved in the war with Sparta? I wonder which side he was on.

But what about Nancy? Does Helen help out Nancy? Yes, of course she does. This is Fantasy Island so, of course, Nancy and Gene depart on the same plane.

All fantasies come true on Fantasy Island, which is one reason why the original show continues to be so loved. I would argue that the reason why the recent Fantasy Island reboot failed was because it complicated things by attempting to explore the lives of the people who lived and worked on the Island, as opposed to just focusing on fantasies with happy endings. For all the time that I’ve spent speculating about what the Island actually is and how it works, it ultimately doesn’t matter. No one cares how Fantasy Island works. All that matters is that it does.

So ends season 4 of Fantasy Island. It was a bit of an uneven season. The obvious hostility between Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize made more than a few scenes a bit awkward to watch. I miss the playfulness that defined their interactions during the earlier seasons. But still, the Island is lovely and it’s fun to imagine what it would be like to really go there.

Next week, Roarke and Tattoo are joined by a new helper as the fifth season begins!

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 4.23 “Man-Beast/Ole Island Opry”

Posted on April 30, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, we learn something new about the Island.

Episode 4.23 “Man-Beast/Ole Island Opry”

(Dir by George W. Brooks, originally aired on May 16th, 1981)

Did you know that Fantasy Island is home to a world-famous country music venue?

Yes, I’m talking about the Ole Island Opry! Operated by Lottie McFadden (Anne Francis), the Ole Island Opry is a mainstay of the Island, even though it’s never been mentioned before. Lottie says that everyone from Charley Pride to Hank Williams to Dolly Parton has played at the Ole Island Opry.

If you’re anything like me, you’re saying, “What the heck?”

I mean, seriously, why have we never heard of this place before? How many country music fans live on the Island? Why would established artists be so eager to play at a venue that’s sitting on an isolated island? And how big is this Island anyway? With the fishing village, the native villages, the downtown area that we see sometimes, the children’s side of the Island, the ancient castles, the isolated mansions, the Ole Island Opry, and all the magical portals, Fantasy Island has got to be at least the size of New Zealand.

These questions go unanswered, as usual. Instead, the episode focuses on Charlie Rowlands (Jimmy Dean), who was an up-and-coming country music star until his wife died and he gave up stardom to raise his daughter, Jennie (Wendy Schaal). Charlie is an old friend of Lottie’s and his fantasy is for Jennie to make her singing debut at the Ole Island Opry.

What Charlie doesn’t know is that Jennie has a fantasy of her own. She wants her father to stop pressuring her to become a singer so that she can focus on her love of photography! Mr. Roarke is able to grant both fantasies. Jennie sings but is really bad and her father finally realizes that she’s not meant to be a country-western star. Instead, Jennie asks her father to come up on stage and sing a song. Charlie sings King of the Road and, despite being a bit older than the usual up-and-comer, he gets a recording contract. He also wins the love of Lottie, who leaves the Island with him. As for Jennie, she can now attend a Yankee art school without feeling guilty. Yay!

Jimmy Dean gave a charming performance but otherwise, this fantasy was just silly. Perhaps it would have worked if Charlie and his daughter had stepped into the past and found themselves in Nashville in the 40s but having Jennie make her debut (and farewell) at the “Ole Island Opry” just required a bit too much of a suspension of disbelief. As well, Mr. Roarke has a habit of combining people’s fantasies without giving them any advance warning. It always seem to work out okay but I still think Mr. Roarke is lucky that he hasn’t gotten sued by a guest who didn’t want to share their fantasy with anyone else.

The other fantasy featured David (David Hedison) and Elizabeth Tabori (Carol Lynley) coming to the Island in an attempt to cure David of a recurring nightmare that he’s been having, one in which Elizabeth and he are in a dark cave and Elizabeth is terrified of something. Mr. Roarke quickly deduces that David is a werewolf. David can be cured by a very rare plant. Unfortunately, it will take the plant a few days to arrive so David will have to survive two full moons on Fantasy Island.

As with most of this show’s horror-themed fantasies, this fantasy was simple but fun. The werewolf makeup was pretty basic but David Hedison poured himself into the role of the tortured David Tabori. Fortunately, the magic flower arrives just in time to curse David of his ancestral curse.

As David and Elizabeth leave, Tattoo says that David must have been crazy because werewolves don’t exist. Suddenly, Tattoo realizes that he’s turning into a werewolf. Roarke has a good laugh as the end credits roll.

This week was another uneven trip to the Island. It’s interesting that, even with a werewolf on the loose, everyone still braved the night to attend the show at the Ole Island Opry. Fantasy Island is a strange place and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 4.22 “Hard Knocks/Lady Godiva”

Posted on April 23, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Fantasy Island, where Mr. Roarke does whatever he wants.

Episode 4.22 “Hard Knocks/Lady Godiva”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on May 9th, 1981)

Sheila Godfrey (Michelle Phillips) comes to Fantasy Island with a simple fantasy, one that Mr. Roarke manages to totally screw up.

Sheila grew up in Montana and loves horses. Because she was often ill while she was growing up, she was often not allowed to ride as much as she would have liked. Now, she wants to be the world’s most famous female equestrian. To me, this seems like a pretty simple and straight-forward request. Sheila is asking to be famous for riding a horse.

Roarke, however, decides that Sheila’s fantasy is that she wants to be the most famous female equestrian in history. And, in Roarke’s opinion, that means that Sheila wants to be Lady Godiva. Now, setting aside the idea that Mr. Roarke is suddenly such a stickler for detail that he’s forcing Sheila to go with a literal translation of her fantasy (which is something that no other guest has ever had to deal with), is Lady Godiva truly the most famous female equestrian ever? Katharine Hepburn used to ride horses. Belle Starr used to ride horses. Joan of Arc rode a horse on occasion. What about Annie Oakley?

But let’s accept that Sheila’s fantasy is to become Lady Godiva. Roarke doesn’t even do that! Instead, he gives her a magic horse named Lancelot, which Sheila rides into medieval England. And, in the past, Lancelot turns into a donkey and Sheila is promptly arrested for poaching on a nobleman’s land. Sheila ends up a servant to Lady Godiva (Gunilla Hutton), who is being imprisoned in her own castle for criticizing the taxes that her husband, Leo (Ken Berry, who is very much not British), has placed on the people living on his land. When Leo says that he’ll release his wife and lower the taxes but only if she’ll agree to humiliate herself by riding her horse naked, Godiva agrees. However, before the ride, she is given a magic potion that knocks her out.

It falls to Sheila to disguise herself as Godiva and take the famous ride. The servants respect her decision and turn their back as she rides by on a horse. Well, one guy does take a look and gets yelled at as a result. “You’ll always be known as Peeping Tom!”

Sheila returns to the present and is somehow not upset about the fact that she really didn’t get her fantasy. (Not only did she not get the fantasy she asked for but she didn’t even get the fantasy that Roarke claimed she was asking for. I mean, even if we accept that Sheila’s fantasy was to be Lady Godiva, that didn’t happen. Instead, she became a servant who pretended to be Lady Godiva.) Roarke agrees to send her Lancelot and also informs her that handsome Sir John Apensdale (Patrick Wayne), who Sheila fell in love with while in the past, was actually a Montana rancher who was having a fantasy of his own. And he’ll be happy to teach Sheila how to ride!

Meanwhile, Steve Pryor (Philip Levian) comes to the Island with the fantasy of being a hard-boiled detective. Roarke gives Steve his fantasy and even provides him with a mentor to offer him advice. Who is that mentor? The ghost of Humphrey Bogart (played by Robert Sacchi)! Only Steve can see Bogart, which leads to a lot of scenes of people wondering why Steve is talking to himself.

The case involves delivering a package, picking up a key to a safety deposit box, and dealing with a femme fatale (Martha Smith). It’s a pretty simple case, to be honest. But at least Steve gets to hang out with Bogart. And, to give credit where credit is due, Robert Sacchi’s Bogart impersonation was spot-on.

This episode was silly enough to be likable. That said, I do think Sheila could probably sue Mr. Roarke for not actually granting her fantasy. Seriously, I wonder how many lawyers Mr. Roarke kept on retainer.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 4.21 “Basin Street/The Devil’s Triangle”

Posted on April 16, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week is a bit uneven. Let’s dive into it!

Episode 4.21 “Basin Street/The Devil’s Triangle”

(Dir by George W. Brooks, originally aired on May 2nd, 1981)

Pilot Clay Garrett (Joe Namath — yes, the goofy football player) and cameraman Tom Spencer (Christopher Connelly) have come to Fantasy Island with Kerry Dawson (Trish Stewart). Kerry is the host of a show where she explores isolated locations of the world. Clay flies her where she’s going. Tom films her. Throughout the episode, it is suggested that — much like the characters at the center of Cannibal Holocaust — they’ve occasionally been guilty of staging the footage that has made them famous.

Kerry wants to search for the remains of an airplane that disappeared over 40 years ago. The plane was flown by the famed aviatrix Wilma Deitrich. Why they don’t just admit that Wilma is a stand-in for Amelia Earhart, I have no idea. Mr. Roarke warns Kerry that the fantasy could be dangerous but he does not stop Clay, Tom, and Kerry from boarding a plane and then flying out across the ocean.

The plane ends up in the Devil’s Triangle, which I guess is this show’s version of the Bermuda Triangle. The plane crashes on an uncharted island. Kerry gets bitten by a snake and Clay sucks out the poison before he and Tom set off to look for the remains of Wilma’s plane. Clay and Tom, incidentally, are both in love with Wilma. Will Wilma select the boring cameraman or the boring pilot who sucked snake venom out of her body?

It’s a question that would perhaps be more compelling if Kerry had the slightest bit of chemistry with either man. But she doesn’t. Joe Namath is as stiff here as he was in C.C. and Company. Christopher Connelly looks bored. Kerry does eventually pick Clay so hopefully, they’ll be happy together.

(And yes, they do get off the island. They find the wreckage of Wilma’s plane and use it to repair their own plane. Amazingly, Wilma’s plan is still full of operational parts despite having spent over 40 years sitting on a deserted island.)

As for the other fantasy, Charlie Raines (Cleavon Little) wants to go to turn of the century New Orleans and meet his hero, jazzman Camptown Dodd (Raymond St. Jacques). Roarke and Tattoo give him a magic clarinet and send him to New Orleans, where he immediately finds himself auditioning for Camptown. Camptown wants Charlie to not only join his band but also lead it after his death.

DEATH!?

Yes, death. Camptown refuses to sell Opium in his club and, as a result, he has been targeted for assassination by a corrupt police officer. Charlie is so upset about this that Roarke himself steps into the fantasy to let Charlie know that he can’t change the past.

Okay, so Charlie can’t save Camptown but surely, he can bring Billie Joe (Berlinda Tolbert) into the present with him, right? Afterall, Charlie has fallen in love with her. No, Roarke says, that’s not how it works.

Fear not, though! Once he’s in the present, Charlie discovers that Billie Joe was actually a guest at the Island and that Roarke combined two fantasies into one. Yay!

The jazz fantasy was predictable but it was still better than the other fantasy. Cleavon Little, Raymond St. Jacques, and Berlinda Tolbert all actually seemed to be invested in their characters, which made them a lot more fun to watch than the stiffs on the deserted island.

This week’s trip to the Island was a bit uneven. The jazz fantasy was occasionally entertaining. The other fantasy was forgettable. I don’t hold that against, Mr. Roarke. That’s just the way it goes sometimes.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 4.20 “Delphine/The Unkillable”

Posted on April 9, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Smiles, everyone, smiles!

Episode 4.20 “Delphine/The Unkillable”

(Dir by Cliff Bole, Originally aired on April 11th, 1981)

For our first fantasy, Dr. Paul Todd (Randolph Mantooth) is a paleontologist who feels that the first life on Earth was silicon-based and that the missing link lives underneath a volcano on Fantasy Island. He comes to the Island with his girlfriend, Liz (Annette Funicello) and his assistant, Kyle (Alex Cord). With Roarke’s weary approval, they head off to the volcano to search for proof of Todd’s theory.

And they do find proof! After Kyle attempts to sexually assault Liz, she falls through a crevice and finds herself in the lair of …. well, it appears to be someone who is waring a rubber suit but Paul and Kyle are convinced that they’ve found their silicon man! (Kyle attempting to force himself on Liz is seemingly forgotten.) The Silicon Man appears to be immortal, which proves to be a bit of problem when it decides to carry of Liz. But then the Silicon Man falls in a pool of lava and dies so I guess he wasn’t immortal. At the end of the show, Tattoo suggests that the The Silicon Man was made of lava and that’s why he was vulnerable to it but …. what?

Mr. Roarke doesn’t seem to be that worried about the Silicon Man or the fact that one of the island’s volcanoes is spewing lava. He’s more concerned with his goddaughter, Delphine (Ann Jillian).

According to Roarke, Delphine is the daughter of one of the Island’s oldest families. She has spent the last few years off the Island, working as an assistant for a magician named The Great Zachariah (Carl Ballantine). Delphine’s secret is that she actually does have magical powers! She’s the one who does all of Zachariah’s tricks for him. However, Delphine now wants to marry Greg (Don Galloway) and she doesn’t want him to know that she can move stuff with her mind and make people materialize out of thin air. Her fantasy is to lose her powers.

Zachariah, not happy about the prospect of losing his assistant, comes to the Island and teams up with fortune-telling Madame Cluny (Doris Roberts) to trick Delphine into revealing her powers and driving Greg away. Myself, I’m not really sure I understand why her magic powers would be a deal-breaker. I mean, Delphine can literally do anything! And, as we see in this episode, she only uses her powers for good. Why would Greg have a problem with that?

On the plus side, Ann Jillian (who starred in another show that I reviewed on this site, Jennifer Slept Here) gives a good performance as Delphine and it’s easy to imagine an alternate version of the show where she played Roarke’s sidekick. On the negative side, the rest of the show and both of the fantasies are just silly and never make any sense.

This was not a memorable trip to the Island. Seriously …. silicon?