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Retro Television Review: Hang Time 1.7 “Let’s Get Ready To Rumble” and 1.8 “The Candidate”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

The season continues!

I hate to say it but this terrible theme song is starting to get stuck in my head.  Takin’ my shot …. something something something …. Hang Time …. flying like glockmock …. running with big screen tee ayyy …. Hang Time …. okay, those may not by the exact lyrics but that’s what it sounds like to me.

Episode 1.7 “Let’s Get Ready To Rumble”

(Directed by Howard Murray, originally aired on October 21st, 1995)

Just in case the viewer needed a reminder that this show is from the mid-90s, this episode opens with Sam lustfully comparing her boyfriend, Danny, to Mel Gibson.  Needless to say, Danny looks nothing like Mel Gibson but, at the same time, it also seems like he’s a bit more emotionally stable so I guess it all works out in the end.

This episode was all about relationships.  Mary Beth’s frustration with Chris’s refusal to act like a rich snob led to her being tempted by her childhood friend Charles Landingham (Trey Alexander).  Apparently, Charles used to be overweight but now he’s lost the weight and he wears a sweater over his shoulders and Mary Beth accepts a kiss from him.  Unfortunately, Julie sees Mary Beth kissing Charles and she now has a dilemma.  Should she tell Chris the truth or not?  Considering that Mary Beth and Charles are an adorable couple, a true friend would be encouraging them to get together.

Meanwhile, all the boys head over to Coach Fuller’s house to watch a Mike Tyson fight.  Unfortunately, this means that Danny has to break his regularly scheduled date with Sam.  He claims to be sick and then heads over to Fuller’s house.  However, Sam shows up at the house and it turns out that she’s a fight fan as well!  She gets so into the Tyson fight that she forgets to slap Danny for lying to her in the first place.

Eventually, Mary Beth tells Chris the truth and they have the most peaceful break-up ever.  They agree to be friends, which frees Chris up to date Julie.  It’ll be a relationship based not only on basketball but also the sound of the audience applauding every time one of them gets the ball in the basket.

As I’ve said before, Mary Beth is the only character to whom I can relate on this show because she’s the only character who doesn’t spend all of her time talking about basketball and who shops whenever she gets upset.  This was a good Mary Beth episode and it was the first to really give Megan Parlen a chance to show off her comedic skills.  Still, it’s hard not to be disappointed at how predictably the Chris and Julie relationship is playing out.  It seems obvious that Chris and Julie are going to be a fairly boring couple.  What are they going to do after basketball season ends?

Episode 1.8 “The Candidate”

(Directed by Howard Murray, originally aired on October 28th, 1995)

Mary Beth is running for school president on a platform of doing away with the Future Farmer’s Club and replacing it with the Gold Card Girls Club.  “Membership will be open to anyone, as long as you’re a girl, you have a gold card, and we all like you,” Mary Beth explains.  Having been profoundly moved by reading The Grapes of Wrath for English class, Michael runs against Mary Beth on a platform of saving the Future Farmer’s Club.  (Doesn’t this show take place in Indiana?  Isn’t every student at the school a member of the Future Farmer’s Club by default?)  Danny manages Mary Beth’s campaign.  Sam manages Michael’s campaign.  “I’m running on the issues,” Michael announces.

Oh, get over yourself.  It’s a student council election.  Saved By The Bell, California Dreams, and City Guys all featured the same stupid storyline.  So did Boy Meets World, if I remember correctly.  (“Hold on,” Topagna announced, “we still need to do something about the black mold in the cafeteria!”  Isn’t that the job of the adults?)  Eventually, after all of the usual nonsense that always happens in episodes about student council elections, Michael is elected but declines to accept the office because he’s ashamed of his campaign.  Mary Beth becomes president but promises to be the type of president that “Tom Joad would be proud of.”  Good luck with that.  IT’S JUST THE FREAKING STUDENT COUNCIL, PEOPLE!

While the school picks a new president, Chris and Julie continue their painfully dull courtship and Coach Fuller looks for date to a wedding.  Chris and Julie finally kissed at the end of the episode.  “Woooo,” the audience dutifully responded but even they didn’t sound particularly excited about it.

Anyway, this episode is almost as dumb as suggesting that a high school student is going to be obsessed with John Steinbeck.  To Hell with your grapes of wrath!

Book Review: The KGB Candidate by Owen Sela

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Two weeks ago, I returned to my project of going through all of the paperbacks that I inherited from my aunt and I read The KGB Candidate.

(My aunt, by the way, is fine.  She just moved to a new place and couldn’t take all of her books with her.)

Published in 1988, The KGB Candidate is a brisk read.  It opens with CIA agent Drew Ellis losing most of his men and his lover in Germany and then switches focus to the United States and a presidential election.  Looking to continue their time in the White House, the Republicans have nominated  a decent candidate who happens to be named after Abraham Lincoln but everyone knows that the Democrats have got the momentum.  However, the Democrats also have several candidates competing for the spot at the top of the ticket and, as the convention approaches, none of them has won enough delegates to claim the nomination outright.

Who will win the nomination?  Will it be the woman who announces early on that she has no interest in being vice president?  Will it be the veteran civil rights activist?  How about the dour, bow-tie wearing academic, the one who speaks about nuclear disarmament?  Will it be the veteran politician, the one who feels that it’s his turn to run?  Or will it be the young and charismatic dark horse, the one who no one initially gave much of a chance but who stunned the establishment by becoming a contender?

It’s an important question, not just because the winner of the nomination will probably win the election but also because one of the candidates is secretly pro-Russian!  KGB agent Boris Pomarev is determined to get his candidate into the White House.  He’s even stolen a computer program that can correctly predict how people are going to vote and what answers a candidate should give to the tough questions of the day.  However, Pomarev is responsible for the death of Drew Ellis’s team.  Along with wanting to protect democracy, Ellis is looking for revenge….

The KGB Candidate was an entertaining read.  Author Owen Sela does a good job with the action scenes and the characters are memorable without being particularly deep.  I have to admit that I was amused by the debate scene, in which all of the potential KGB candidates introduced themselves to the convention delegates.  Each candidate represented a different stereotype that most readers would associate with the Democratic Party and the American Left and one gets the feeling that Sela wasn’t particularly impressed with any of them.  Of course, in real life, there’s very little chance of any of us ever seeing a contested convention.  The primary system is designed to force each party to quickly coalesce around whoever has the momentum.  Still, contested conventions are always fun to read about.

For me, the most interesting part of the book dealt with the computer program that could predict who would win the election.  In the book, everyone is shocked that a program could do such a thing and I guess, in 1988, it might have been a shocking idea.  But today, that’s the sort of thing that people take for granted.  I remember that, all through 2016, all I heard was that Hillary Clinton was guaranteed to win because her entire campaign was based on data analysis and algorithms.  At the time, I thought that was kind of a hubristic way to run things and it turned out that I was right.  I also felt it was a bit of a depressing way to look at the world, if just because it assumed that people would always behave in the same way and that it wasn’t even necessary to actually listen to the voters or even ask for their votes.  Algorithms have their place but, in the end, people are more than just data points.

Film Review: I Came By (dir by Babak Anvari)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

In this British crime thriller, George McKay plays Toby Nealy, a self-styled revolutionary who breaks into the homes of the very rich and paints “I Came By” on their walls.  His actions have made the I Came By Tagger something of an underground legend but no one knows his true identity.  In the real world, Toby is 23 years old and still lives at home with his long-suffering mother, a psychologist named Lizzie (Kelly MacDonald).  Toby’s best friend and partner-in-activism, Jay (Perecelle Ascot), wants to retire from tagging and devote his time to repairing his relationship with his pregnant girlfriend.

Still, Toby is determined to continue with his activities.  His latest target is Hector Blake (Hugh Bonneville), a retired judge who has a reputation for being a progressive but who Toby suspects is actually a hypocrite.  (Toby notices that Blake has an ivory sculpture in his home and that’s all it takes to convince him that Blake is being insincere.)  Working alone, Toby breaks into Blake’s home and discovers that not only does Blake have nice taste in furniture but he also has a half-naked man chained up in the basement.

Unfortunately, try as he might, Toby can’t get anyone to believe him.  Jay is too busy with his personal problems.  Lizzie, who doesn’t know about her son’s secret life as a graffiti artist, is upset that Toby doesn’t seem to understand how much privilege he has compared to the rest of the world.  Toby makes an anonymous call to the police but, when they visit Blake’s home, they don’t find his torture dungeon.  Besides, Blake is a respected member of the establishment and everyone also knows that Blake has been outspoken in his defense of refugees.  Why would he have a man chained up in his home?

Though the film starts with Toby and his discovery of Blake’s crimes, the action is evenly divided between him, Lizzie, and Jay.  All three of them are drawn into investigating Blake.  Toby is outraged but he soon discovers that trying to expose Blake is far more dangerous and difficult than just spraying a pithy slogan on the wall.  Lizzie goes from believing in the system to discovering that the system only exists to protect certain people and, unfortunately, neither she nor her son are considered to be among them.  Meanwhile, Jay is very much aware that, as a black man, investigating Blake will be even more dangerous for him than it will be for Toby and his mother.

It’s an interesting idea and Hugh Bonneville is appropriately sinister as Blake.  Indeed, while watching the film, it was hard not to think about the number of rich, self-declared “progressives” who have recently been exposed as exploiting those who they claim to be helping.  (Hector Blake has much in common with Ed Buck.)  Unfortunately, as intriguing as the idea may be, the execution is lacking.  This is one of those films that would have worked well as a compact, 80-minute B film but instead, I Came By runs for nearly two hours.  The action unfolds at a slow pace and the story is told with a heavy hand, as if the filmmakers were worried that the man chained in the basement would not be enough to convince us that Hector Blake was an evil dude.  When Hector first appears, he’s grimly listening to Henry Purcell’s Music for the Funeral of Queen Mary, a detail that will immediately remind most viewers of the opening of A Clockwork Orange.  A word of advice to all filmmakers: Don’t invite comparisons to Stanley Kubrick unless you’re sure you can back them up.

Retro Television Review: Long Journey Back (dir by Mal Damski)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay.  Today’s film is 1978’s Long Journey Back.  It  can be viewed on YouTube!

I’m one of those drivers who always gets nervous around train tracks.

Perhaps it’s because I watched too many gory movies while I was learning to drive or maybe I’m just being overly cautious but I always have a fear that I’m going to be the driver whose car ends up getting stuck on the tracks while the train comes barreling down.  The fact that it’s apparently impossible to just stop a train without it rolling forward for at least a mile or two adds to my fear.  You get stuck on those tracks and, at the very least, you’re going to lose your car.  At the worst, you’ll lose your life.  Maybe if you’re lucky, you’ll only lose a limb.  Or maybe …. well, you get the point.  Most people make it a point to slow down whenever they hear the sound of a train coming or to stop and wait for those little barrier things to come down on other side of the tracks.  Myself, I always speed up if I see tracks approaching.  I figure that the quicker I drive over them, the quicker I don’t have to worry about getting hit by a train.

The 1978 film Long Journey Back did not do much to cure me of my fear of train tracks.  Within the first ten minutes of the film, a school bus ended up getting stuck on a set of train tracks and, in a genuinely frightening sequence, smashed into by a train.  Most of the students are killed.  So is the driver.  Celia Casella (Stephanie Zimbalist) survives being in the bus but most of her friends don’t.  Celia loses a leg and, when she eventually awakes from her coma, she can neither speak nor remember the accident.  Celia makes remarkable progress but it’s still difficult for her to adjust her post-accident life.

The film spends as much time with Celia’s parents as it does with Celia.  Her mother, Laura (Cloris Leachman), keeps a journal about Celia’s progress and never gives up faith that her daughter will recover.  However, Laura is sometimes so determined to only focus on moving forward that she overlooks the fact that Celia needs time to mourn not only her former life but also the friends that she lost in the crash.  Meanwhile, Celia’s father, Vic (Mike Connors), is a grim realist who, in a moment of emotional exhaustion, admits that he sometimes wonders if Celia wouldn’t have been better off dying in the crash.  Vic is someone who keeps everyone grounded in reality but who sometimes forget that Celia needs to have hope for the future.  Celia is not the only member of the family who has to learn how to live a new life.  From the minute that train hits that bus, everyone’s old life ends and a new one begins.

The film follows Celia’s recovery, her long journey back.  It’s a well-done film, featuring excellent and emotional performances from Zimbalist, Connors, and especially Leachman.  To its credit, the film avoids easy sentiment.  The film celebrates Celia’s strength and her parent’s love while acknowledging that the journey back is not going to be an easy one and it’s possible that Celia might never make it all the way back.  I cried more than a few times while watching Long Journey Back.  It’s a film that earns its tears.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 9/18/22 — 9/24/22

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

A lot of shows returned this week.  Here’s a few thoughts on what I watched:

Abbott Elementary (ABC, Wednesday Night)

“What the Hell, Gritty!?”  I swear, I have been laughing at that line for days now.

Abbott Elementary started its second season this week, with a great episode that found Janine adjusting to being single, Gregory becoming a full-time teacher, Barbara, Melissa, and Jacob going out of their way to help their students, and Ava acting like Ava.  Though the whole mockumentary format isn’t as innovative as it was during the early days of The Office (and, even then, it wasn’t really that innovative), Abbott Elementary has a lot of heart and it’s frequently hilarious as well.

By the way, I don’t get Gritty either.  What the Hell is that thing?

The Amazing Race (CBS, Wednesday Night)

Yay!  The Amazing Race is back!  I wrote about the first episode of the new season here!

Atlanta (Thursday Night, FX)

Realizing that he was only a few steps away from being cast as Ice Cube’s best friend in the latest Are We There Yet? sequel, Al got himself a Young White Avatar, a white rapper with whom he could collaborate behind the scenes.  Unfortunately, Yodel Kid died of a drug overdose before the Grammys but his debut rap album, Born 2 Die, still won the award.  Meanwhile, not wanting to work on rehabilitating the reputation of the author of I Was Wrong, Earn tried to track down D’Angelo and spent several days sitting in a cell as a result.  It all makes sense if you watch the episode.

Yodel Kid and Benny, the show’s YWAs, were both obnoxiously believable.  Benny, especially, was a Twitter trend waiting to happen.

The Bachelorette (Tuesday Night, ABC)

The cringiest season yet came to an end.  Rachel got engaged to Tino and Tino promptly cheated on her.  This led to Rachel apparently fleeing the studio with Aven.  Gabby, meanwhile, got engaged to Erich, who then explained that, while he did just go on the show for business purposes, he also totally fell in love with Gabby.  So, I’m sure that engagement will be a successful one.

Seriously, it’s kind of sad that the whole raison d’etre for this season was to make up for Gabby and Rachel having to deal with Clayton’s foolishness during The Bachelor but Gabby and Rachel still basically ended up even more emotionally traumatized than they were before.  This whole season was just icky.  I liked this franchise better when it wasn’t so eager to show everyone that it’s in on the joke.

Big Brother (All The Time, CBS and Paramount+)

This season is nearly over.  Yay!  All of the show’s major villains have been voted out of the House and guess what?  It’s all really boring now.  I’ve been writing about the show over at Big Brother Blog.

Cobra Kai (Netflix)

I finally watched the latest season of Cobra Kai on Netflix and, of course, I loved it.  Terry Silver was a wonderful villain and the season continued to do a great job of balancing comedy and melodrama.  Johnny discovering the gig economy was a classic moment.  Give William Zabka all the Emmys.  This really is an example of a show that should not work but it does.  As opposed to The Bachelorette, it’s self-aware without being smarmy about it.

Dynaman (Nightflight+)

I watched the second episode of this Japanese action series on Friday.  Go Dynapink!

Full House (Sunday Night, MeTV)

Becky and Jesse brought the twins back home from the hospital and Jesse promptly forgot which was which.  Dumbass.

This was followed by an episode where Danny was named the most eligible bachelor in San Francisco.  Technically, he’s the most eligible widower and he’s got three daughters who will never accept anyone unlucky enough to become their stepmom.  Run!

Inspector Lewis (YouTube)

I watched an episode of Inspector Lewis on Wednesday.  Though retired and in love with Dr. Hobson, Lewis still couldn’t resist helping Hathaway solve another case.  It was a sweet episode, due to Lewis and Hathaway’s friendship.  Still, Hathaway was sporting a new hairstyle in this episode and I was not a fan.

Law& Order, Law & Order: Organized Crime, Law & Order: SVU (Thursday Night, NBC)

All three of the Law & Order shows returned this Thursday with an epic crossover event.  A brutal murder led to an investigation into human trafficking which led to a terrorist bombing which led to a Russian businessman getting gunned down in the streets of New York, apparently on orders of Putin himself.

It was, perhaps, a bit much.  Law & Order always goes for the big targets when, sometimes, it might be nice to see the shows return to dealing with everyday crimes and less international concerns.  That said, the show handled the crossovers well and it was interesting to watch all of the detectives working together on one case.  Anthony Anderson has left the franchise so a good deal of time was spent introducing us to Cosgrove’s new partner, Detective Jalen Shaw (Mehcad Brooks).  Jeffrey Donavon and Mehcad Brooks worked well together.  Certainly, they had a better partnership chemistry than Anderson and Donavon did.  (Anderson’s a good actor but he seemed bored during the previous season of Law & Order.)  Donavon’s closing monologue was well-done, even if the ultimate suggestion seemed to be that everyone should just move to Toronto.

Mike Judge’s Beavis and Butt-Head (Paramount+)

No, Beavis, the girl with the blue hair likes you!

This was a funny episode and I was kind of happy that old Beavis and Butt-Head didn’t make an appearance.  (They’re funny characters but kind of depressing to think about.)  I wish Beavis could escape from Butt-Head’s influence.  I cringed with Beavis broke his arm.  How are these two still alive?

Monarch (Tuesday Night, Fox)

Well, I guess they really did kill off Susan Sarandon’s character.  Tuesday’s episode dealt with her funeral.  To be honest, I get the feeling this show is going to run out of gas in another few episodes, just because it’s trying a bit too hard to be a campy, guilty pleasure.  Still, the second episode had its share of entertainingly weird moments.  The Susan Sarandon hologram was brilliant.  Also, every episode needs to have at least one scene of Trace Adkins shooting a rifle in the air and yelling, “THAT’S ENOUGH!”

Night Flight (Nightflight+)

On Friday, I watched one episode about 80s comedy and one episode about “the pretty boys of rock.”  It was an interesting history lesson.

Survivor

Yay!  Survivor’s back!  I wrote about the first episode here!

Retro Television Review: California Dreams 1.7 “Guess Who’s Coming To Brunch?” and 1.8 “It’s A Guy Thing”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing California Dreams, which ran on NBC from 1992 to 1996.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, the California Dreams confront racism and misogyny!  Let’s see how it goes.

Episode 1.7 “Guess Who’s Coming To Brunch?”

(Directed by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 24th, 1992)

During a performance of “Rain” (which is the first vaguely good song to be featured on this show), an amp blows out.  It’s going to cost $300 to replace!  Sly suggests that the band take a job writing an advertising jingle but Matt’s all like, “No, man!  It’s about the music!”  Matt, we’ve heard your music.

Fortunately, Tony has a new girlfriend and she comes from rich family!  Her father (played by the same actor who played Zach Morris’s Dad during the Good Morning Miss Bliss incarnation of Saved By The Bell) offers to pay for the amp but he has a condition.  “Stop dating my daughter.”

“Ohhhhhh!” the audience gasps.

Tony’s black and his girlfriend (and her father) are white.  When the girlfriend’s father says that the relationship will never work because “you two are from different worlds,” everyone knows what he means.  This leads to a discussion about race, which was probably quite progressive for 1992 even if it seems rather anodyne by today’s standards.  Tony’s girlfriend explains that her father can’t be prejudiced because he gives money to all the right causes.  Way to call out white liberalism, California Dreams!

Of course, this discussion about race takes place while everyone tries to write a jingle for Uncle Slappy’s Root Beer.  “We can’t lie in the jingle!” Tiffany argues.  Has Tiffani never watched a commercial?  This band deserves to fail for being annoyingly naïve.

The episode ends with the band playing a song called “One World,” which I was disappointed to learn was not the One World theme song.

Episode 1.8 “It’s A Guy Thing”

(Directed by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 31st, 1992)

In order to force Sly and Tony to confront their own misogyny, Tiffani and Jenny trick them into falling in love with a non-existent French girl named Monique.  Kelly provides the French-accented voice over the phone.  Jenny wears a wig whenever Monique needs to be seen.  It’s kind of a dumb plan but Sly and Tony are both fairly stupid characters.  That said, Sly and Tony do eventually learn that Monique is just Jenny in a wig and somehow, this all leads to a boxing match.

Meanwhile, Mr. Garrison tries to figure out how to fix the family washing machine, in a storyline that I’m pretty sure was eventually reused on an episode of One World.  Speaking of reusing plotlines, the whole fake girlfriend thing was originally used in Saved By The Bell.  Remember when Zach pretended to be a Southern blonde in order to get Screech to do his homework?

This episode features Matt announcing, “Let’s do another tune!,” which is the funniest line in the script.  I’m always amazed at how the Dreams can produce that perfect studio sound while performing in their garage.

The Dreams dealt with some pretty serious issues this week!  What will they deal with next week?

Retro Television Review: One World 1.7 “Runaround Sui” and 1.8 “Crushes, Lies, and Zuckerman”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Fridays, I will be reviewing One World, which ran on NBC from 1998 to 2001.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

The Cast of One World

Last week, One World went to some pretty dark places, what with the Blake children having to work in a hospital and then Ben discovering that his new girlfriend was an alcoholic.  Did things ever get better for the Blakes?  Let’s find out.

Don’t forget …. we’re living in One World….

Episode 1.7 “Runaround Sui”

(Directed by Chuck Vinson, originally aired on October 24th, 1998)

There was a lot going on in the Blake House in this episode, almost as if the show mashed three separate scripts together at the last minute.

First off, Marci got her driver’s license but Sui wasn’t there to support her because Sui had a new boyfriend, the totally hot Riley (Riley Smith).  Unfortunately, Marci got mad because Sui started acting like Riley was more important than her own sister.  To be honest, as the youngest of four sisters, I could relate to this storyline.  Sometimes, I was Sui and sometimes, I was Marci.  And sometimes, I was the one instigating trouble for fun, just like Jane.  Eventually, Sui and Riley broke up and the two sisters made up.  Yay!

Meanwhile, Jane was upset because she felt that Ben was changing his entire personality to impress Alex’s rich parents.  Jane may have had a point but then again, Ben never had much of a personality to begin with so who knows?  Jane eventually confessed to “liking” Ben but, as we established last week, that’s too bad.  Ben has a girlfriend now and they go to AA meetings together.

Finally, Neal attempted to learn how to ride a bike.  His family was totally supportive but only after they totally made fun of him.

This was a bit of a disjointed episode but at least Sui and Marci, the two characters to whom I most relate, got to take center stage for once.

Episode 1.8 “Crushes, Lies, and Zuckerman”

(Directed by Chuck Vinson, originally aired on October 31st, 1998)

Neal has been having so much trouble getting a date that he’s decided that he doesn’t care about dating anymore.  Sui decides to test Neal’s resolve by setting him up with her friend, Kate (Tasha Taylor).  Neal really likes Kate, especially after he discovers that she likes movies as much as he does.  Unfortunately, Kate doesn’t like “gangbangers” and Neal is a former gang member!  At first, Neal lies about his past but then Sui accidentally mentions that Neal has changed a lot since he was “growing up on the streets and being in a gang.”  Neal gets made at Sui.  Sui responds, “Sometimes I think you have the IQ of rayon, which is not one of the smarter fabrics.”  It’s a good line, admit it.

Meanwhile, Marci deals with an annoying waitress who wants to be her best friend and Jane discovers that, rather than date anyone other than Ben, she’d much rather hang out with Cray and watch Scream while eating candy.  Cray decides that he’s in love with Jane, which is hella awkward for everyone involved.

Fortunately, things works out for everyone.  Neal gets back together with Kate.  Cray realizes that he’s too young for Jane.  Jane agrees to marry Cray in five years if they’re both single …. wait, what?

Watching this episode, it occurred to me that one problem with One World was that the characters were always talking about how they used to be criminals but, for the most part, all of them came across as being the type of people who wouldn’t even run the risk of jaywalking.  These were the least edgy delinquents ever.

No one died or revealed an addiction in these episodes so I guess things are looking up for the Blake family.  We’ll see if it continues next week.

Retro Television Review: City Guys 1.7 “Red Ferrari” and 1.8 “Rock the Vote”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Last week, I reviewed two episode of City Guys that actually weren’t that bad.  Let’s see if that trend continued!  But first….

How smart and streetwise are these neat guys?  Let’s find out!

Episode 1.7 “Red Ferrari”

(Directed by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 18th, 1997)

Two weeks ago, I mentioned that TNBC was notorious for showing the episodes of their shows out-of-order and that certainly seems to be the case with City Guys.

In Red Ferrari, Chris and Jamal are once again antagonistic acquaintances, as opposed to the best friends that were just one episode ago.  Chris is once again angry with his parents, despite coming to a new understanding with his father in the previous episode.  El-Train is again the school bully, despite trying to turn over a new leaf two episodes ago.  As well, Jamal drops by Chris’s apartment for what appears to be the first time, despite the fact that we already saw him spending several days there during the second episode.  Obviously, one doesn’t necessarily watch a show like this with the expectation of a great deal of effort being made to maintain some sort of continuity.  But seriously, the City Boys timeline is messy enough to be distracting.

Anyway, this episode finds both Chris and Jamal in a whiny mood.  Jamal is whiny because he’s poor and no one wants to go on a second date with him.  Chris is whiny because he’s rich and his parents have apparently  forgotten about his birthday.  With his parents going out of town, Chris decides to get revenge by throwing a huge party and (shades of Ferris Bueller) driving his father’s prized red Ferrari.

Can you guess what happens?  If you said that it was the same thing that happened on Saved By The Bell when Zach drove a car that he shouldn’t have been driving, you’re right!  The car gets side-swiped.  Chris and Jamal have to figure out how to get the car fix before Chris’s parents come home.  Of course, Chris’s parents come home early anyway.  They didn’t forget his birthday.  They just wanted to surprise him!  And it turns out that the Ferrari is Chris’s birthday present!

Anyway, Chris and Jamal confess what happened.  Chris’s parents get into an argument over whether Mr. Anderson could stand to lose a few pounds.  (He looks pretty good for a guy in his 40s.)  Jamal asks Chris if his parents are always like that.  “They’re on good behavior because of my birthday,” Chris says and the episode ends, leaving us to consider the Hell of Chris Anderson’s everyday life.

Ugh.  That’s kind of depressing.  I’m not sure anything was learned from this episode so let’s move on.

Episode 1.8 “Rock the Vote”

(Directed by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 25th, 1997)

Ugh.  It’s a student council election episode!

Yes, every TNBC show — from Saved By The Bell to this one — had a handful of shows that revolved around an absurdly powerful student  council.  In City Guys, Dawn and Cassidy are running for student council present.  Jamal manages Dawn’s campaign.  Chis manages Cassidy’s campaign.  Dawn is too focused on the issues.  Cassidy is too focused on fluff.  School bully El-Train is so offended by their shallow campaigns that he runs for student body president, using the fact that he’s been in high school for nearly six years as the basis of his campaign.  This episode ends on a weird note, in that we don’t actually learn who won the election.  So, hey …. thanks for watching!

As usual Steven Daniel transcended the material as El-Train but, otherwise, this episode was ruined by the fact that it was about a student council election and no one in their right mind should take any of that crap seriously.  The only show that correct portrayed the student council were the early seasons of Degrassi, in which the council mostly planned dances and got caught up in pretty drama that no one else cared about.

Well, these two episodes of City Guys were pretty disappointing.  Hopefully, next week will be better for the neat guys!

A Blast From The Past: Ben Affleck For Diet Coke

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

In the year 2001, Ben Affleck wasn’t only Matt Damon’s best friend.  He was also a commercial spokesman!

For instance, he narrated this creepy commercial for Diet Coke.  Oddly enough, he doesn’t say anything about Diet Coke but he does say a lot about his wife’s underwear and then, eventually, the underwear that he saw in “the hamper as a kid.”  Wait, what?  Weirdo.

I actually get what this commercial is attempting.  Diet Coke is a soft drink for real people and real people get married and eventually stop having sex.  But do real people tell complete strangers about it?  Of course, they do now but this commercial was before social media.

This is from the same ad campaign that featured Renee Zellweger watching her neighbor take a shower and sing.  (I shared that commercial last week.)  Since we didn’t see Renee’s face in that previous commercial and since we don’t see Ben’s face in this one, I like to think that this commercial is a sequel to the previous one.  Renee eventually married the guy across the street and then started wearing cotton underwear.  And I assume that the guy stopped singing.

Wow, this was a depressing world that Diet Coke created.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 1.3 “Ex Plus Y / Golden Agers / Graham and Kelly”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Love!  Was it exciting and new this week?

Episode 1.3 “Ex Plus Y / Golden Agers / Graham and Kelly”

(Directed by  Adam Rafkin and Stuart Margolin, originally aired on October 8th, 1977)

The third episode of The Love Boat is all about age differences, growing together, and growing apart.

For instance, it’s love at first sight when Julie spots Jim Wright (Charles Frank).  I mean, hey, his name is even “Mr. Wright!”  And it turns out that, even though he looks like he’s 40, Mr. Wright is actually only 30!  And he likes Julie too!  The problem, however, is that Jim has been hired to serve as a tour guide for a group of elderly tourists.  And those tourists (led by Edward Andrews) simply will not leave Mr. Wright alone!  Every time Mr. Wright tries to spend some time alone with Julie, the old people show up.  Obviously, the show means for us to sympathize with Julie and Jim but I think I’m actually on the side of the old people as far as this is concerned.  I mean, they didn’t pay money so that Jim could have a vacation.  They paid Jim to be their tour guide and, unless he’s going to refund their money, that’s what he needs to concentrate on.  He and Julie can fall in love once Jim is off the clock.

While Julie pursues Jim, 12 year-olds Kelly (Kristy McNichol) and Graham (a very young Scott Baio) pursue their own romance.  Or actually, it’s Kelly who pursues the romance.  Graham likes Kelly but he’s also immature and not sure how to talk to girls so he always ends up doing or saying something silly or stupid whenever he and Kelly are on the verge of having a “real” moment.  On the one hand, this was actually a fairly realistic storyline, at least by Love Boat standards.  On the other hand, Baio and McNichol looked so much alike that any scene featuring the two of them was like that picture of the two Spider-Men pointing at each other.  Graham also ended up with a very convoluted backstory to explain why he was traveling with a British grandmother (played by Hermoine Baddeley) despite being a kid from Brooklyn.  It was one of those overly complicated and distracting things that could have been solved by simply not casting a British stage actress as Baio’s grandmother or not casting a very American actor as Baddeley’s grandson.

Finally, Robert Reed and Loretta Swit played a divorced couple who found themselves on the same cruise.  At first, they dreaded seeing each other but then, eventually, they agreed that they still had feelings for each other.  Surprisingly enough, the story did not end with Reed and Swit getting back together.  Instead, they just grew as people and were now ready to let go of the bitterness that was holding them back in their new relationships.  That was actually a pretty good story and I appreciated the realistic resolution.  However, before making peace with his ex-wife, Robert Reed came across as being so angry and so bitter that it was actually kind of scary to watch.  It turns out that the Love Boat has skeet shooting.  If you don’t think the sight of Robert “Mr. Brady” Reed with a rifle wouldn’t be terrifying, this episode is here to prove you wrong!

I have to give this episode a mixed review.  Two of the stories worked better than I was expecting but this episode suffered from the miscasting of some of the passengers.  Still, the ship and the ocean looked as lovely as ever and really, that’s the important thing.