Retro Television Reviews: The Great Niagara (dir by William Hale)

Posted on May 21, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1974’s The Great Niagara! It can be viewed on YouTube!

The Great Niagara takes place during the Great Depression.

With the world mired in economic uncertainty and the threat of war right around the corner, people are more desperate than ever for entertainment. One of the latest fads is attempting to conquer the Niagara by going over the falls in some sort of raft. If done correctly, it can lead to fame and fortune. But, if one mistake is made while trying to steer the raft against the rapids and the rocks, it can lead to death. In fact, death is the usual outcome of most people’s efforts to conquer the Niagara. It’s actually illegal to try to ride anything over the falls but people still try to do it and crowds still gather to watch the attempts.

Old Aaron Grant (Richard Boone) is obsessed with conquering the Niagara but, because he’s been injured in too many attempts, all he can do now is sponsor and try to help others who are willing to take the risk. Aaron is the type who will look out at the Niagara and angrily shake his fist. He hates the river and he hates the falls but they’re also the only thing that gives his life meaning. After Aaron’s latest protegee, Ace Tully (Burt Young), fails in his attempt to go over the falls, Aaron starts to put pressure on his sons to make the attempt. Lonnie Grant (Michael Sacks) knows that Aaron has allowed his obsession to drive him mad and he’s also promised his wife, Lois (Jennifer Salt), that he won’t go over the falls. However, Carl Grant (Randy Quaid) is desperate for his father’s approval and it’s not long before he’s getting ready to enter the barrel and risk his life.

The Great Niagara is a short but interesting film. It’s based on historical fact. There’s been a long history of people risking their lives with stunts at Niagara Falls. A few years ago, there was a live television broadcast of someone walking over the falls on a tightrope. It was a huge rating success and it was, of course, sold as a tribute to the human spirit. That said, it’s entirely believable that a good deal of the people watching were doing so because they were curious about what would happen if the guy fell off the wire. By that same token, the crowds that we see in The Great Niagara are far more concerned with seeing someone go over the falls than they are with whether or not that person survives the experience. Richard Boone gives an obsessive, half-mad performance as Aaron and Michael Saks does a good job as the voice of reason. Randy Quaid gives a poignant performance as poor Carl, who is so desperate for his father’s approval that he’s willing to risk his life to try to get it. That said, the true star of the film is the Niagara itself, which is beautiful but obviously dangerous. When Aaron shakes his fist at the falls, it’s hard not to feel that the Niagara isn’t doing the same back at him.

Music Video of the Day: The Last Goodbye by Atomic Kitten (2002, dir by Jake Nava)

Posted on May 21, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This video was filmed in Liverpool.

Enjoy!

May Positivity: Fenced Off (dir by Brad Wise)

Posted on May 20, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

2011’s Fenced Off tells the story of Josh (Joshua Zirger) and George (Reggie Willis).

Josh is a young white social worker who has just moved onto a street where all of his neighbors are black. His mother worries that Josh and his wife, Anne, are going to become crime statistics. All of Josh’s friends tend to say things like, “Isn’t that neighborhood a little urban for you?” Josh’s dumbass brother thinks that it would be a good idea to show up at Josh’s house wearing a durag and pouring a bottle of wine out on the driveway. Josh is a nice guy but he sure does know a lot of dumb people.

Meanwhile, George (Reggie Willis) has lived on the block for 17 years. He’s not at all happy when Josh shows up and he goes out of his way to avoid talking to his new white neighbors. George’s best friend suggests that George might be a “bigot” but George denies it. He says that he has a lot of reasons to not want to talk to Josh. The fact that Josh is a dorky white guy is just one of them.

One week, while his wife is out of town, Josh’s life falls apart. He offends a group of teenagers when he assumes that they’re approaching him because they want to mug him. (Instead, they just want to return the $4.00 that he dropped while running.) He freaks out when he hears a gunshot in the distance and, when George makes a joke about gangs in the area, Josh briefly worries that George might be a gang member. Josh finds a white package on his property and automatically assumes that some drug dealers dropped a package of cocaine on his front lawn. George grabs the package and reveals that it just a bag of diapers.

It’s certainly a well-intentioned film and Josh and George are both portrayed as being complex characters who are sometimes right and sometimes wrong. There’s actually a rather insightful scene in which Josh attempts to soothe things over with George by talking about how his family struggled financially when he was a kid just for George to call him out for assuming that George must be from a poor background. When Josh argues that his best childhood friend was black, George wonders why every white guy claims to have had a black best friend who moved away in the 8th grade. George has a point with both comments. “I didn’t grow up rich” and “my best friend was/is black” are two of the most regularly repeated claims in white America today.

But, that said, Fenced Off doesn’t really work. Due to a lot of unnecesssary padding, the otherwise slight story unfolds a bit too slowly and the acting is often amateurish. The actor who played Josh’s brother especially tended to overact. (I’ve noticed that, when it comes to indie films like this one, it seems like there’s always at least one former theater kid who gets cast as a sidekick who proceeds to shout out all of his lines.) Fenced Off has good intentions but the film is ultimately left down by its execution.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 5/14/23 — 5/20/23

Posted on May 20, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Barry (Sunday Night, HBO)

The latest episode of Barry scared the Hell out of me. I literally screamed when that person dressed in all black appeared behind Sally. That said, I also laughed at Monroe “The Raven” Fuches and his first few days of freedom. NoHo Hank has apparently made himself into quite a successful businessman but he’s still in denial about the role he played in Cristobal’s death. And, of course, Gene Cousineau remains Gene Cousineau. I just can’t shake the feeling that none of these characters are going to survive the series finale.

Beavis and Butt-Head (Paramount Plus)

Beavis and Butt-Head discovered that the secret to being popular was acting depressed. And then they probably rendered themselves sterile with shock treatment. After that, Beavis got rabies. That was kind of disturbing. I’m going to guess that Butt-Head eventually got rabies as well. Oh well.

Black Bird (Apple TV+)

I watched the first four episodes of this true crime miniseries this week. It’s a fascinating show that I’ll write about more after I finish it. Paul Walter Hauser is extremely unsettling as Larry. Taron Egerton has the charisma of an old school movie star. This show also showcases the late Ray Liotta in the role of Egerton’s loving father. The role allows Liotta to show his kind side, along with the tough side that he was best known for. Along with everything else that makes this show memorable, it serves as a tribute to Liotta’s skill as an actor.

Forgive or Forget (YouTube)

Laurie Sue appeared on the show to confess to her husband that she had cheated on him with her first cousin and that she had subsequently danced and stripped at a laundry mat. He forgave her. Personally, I suspect that they were both lying about what happened and just wanted a chance to appear on television. Laurie Sue’s story was followed by two men who cheated on their pregnant fiancées. Mother Love helped everyone work out their problems. “Never underestimate the power of forgiveness!” Mother Love declared while the audience applauded. I suspect Mother Love may have been a cult leader.

On Monday, I watched an episode featuring a teenage moron named Andrew who trashed the house while his father was in the hospital, having his toe amputated. His father forgave him, even though Andrew definitely did not deserve it.

I Remember Gorgeous George (YouTube)

This was a 1980s documentary about pro-wrestling. I watched it on Sunday morning. I’m not really a wrestling fan but, that said, I can appreciate it as a unique example of Americana.

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

This uneven season came to an end with a heavy-handed look at gun control. Basically, the message of this week’s episode was that it’s okay to kill someone as long as you have the right political beliefs. Once again, justice was pushed to the side because of Price’s PTSD. Seriously, what a disappointing way to end the season.

The Master (Tubi)

I wrote about The Master here!

Night Flight (Night Flight Plus)

On Saturday morning, I watched a 30-minute profile of the band Bananarama.

Sally Jessy Raphael (YouTube)

“I can’t believe my kid’s a skinhead!” was the title of the episode that I watched on Sunday and indeed, the parents were shocked. Sally lost control of the audience early on. I followed this up with an episode called “Serial Killer Fan Vs. Victims Families.” Yikes!

On Tuesday, I was in a bad mood so I watched an episode called “My Teen Is Going To End Up A Criminal.” Wow, those teens had some issues! And I bet they did all end up as criminals.

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I wrote about Survivor here!

Take Off To Comedy IX (Night Flight Plus)

I watched this 90s special on Friday night. It was a collection of comedy clips, including a stand-up comedian talking about why he gave up cocaine. Just from his manic delivery, I don’t think he ever gave up cocaine.

Waco: The Aftermath (Showtime)

I watched the remaining episodes of Waco: The Aftermath this week. I understand that the show has apparently not been well-received by critics. I’m going to guess that’s because the show was ultimately as a critical of the government as it was of its enemies. To me, the show provided a look at how the efforts to combat the monster often make the monster even stronger.

Yellowjackets (Sunday Night, Showtime)

I’m now caught up with Yellowjackets. Of course, I knew that Shauna’s baby was not going to survive but that didn’t make the episode any less powerful or sad or unsettling. This season has definitely been a bit more uneven than the first season but it’s still a very intriguing show.

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 5.12 “Graduation” and 5.13 “A Band Divided”

Posted on May 20, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing California Dreams, which ran on NBC from 1992 to 1996. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, the Dreams graduate!

Episode 5.12 “Graduation”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 22nd, 1996)

Graduation approaches and Mark is freaking out because he’s never had the courage to ask out Sarah (Tara Reid …. yes, that Tara Reid). When he finally works up the courage to ask her if she might want to go out with him, she says maybe and asks what he has in mind.

“Well, the school’s hosting a clean-and-sober graduation party….” Mark starts.

“I want beer!” Sarah replies.

And you know what? Mark’s a nice guy but that invitation seriously was kind of dorky. I don’t even drink and I would have totally rolled my eyes in high school if anyone had invited me to “a clean-and-sober graduation party.”

Sarah’s reaction should have been enough to let Mark know that they wouldn’t make a good couple but poor Mark. Over the course of three seasons, he has yet to have a real girlfriend. He’s desperate! He invites Sarah to the graduation party that he’s decided to throw at Lorena’s loft. And he’s also decided that there will be beer at the party! This despite the fact that Mark and the Dreams have just attended a school assembly where Principal Blumford (Earl Boen) warned against the dangers of teenage drinking. Someone is definitely not mature enough to leave high school yet!

And Mark’s proves that he’s not mature enough by getting drunk at the party, trying to drive to the beach with Sarah, and crashing into a ditch. Mark gets arrested, loses his license for a year, and — as he explains at graduation — he’ll have to do community service, attends alcohol classes, and pay a fine. Sarah ends up in the hospital and misses graduation. Mark explains that she has two broken ribs, a punctured lung, and a concussion. HOW DEEP WAS THAT DITCH!? At the ceremony, Principal Blumford announces that “to say I’m disappointed in some of you for what happened last night would be an understatement….” Dude, everyone knows you’re talking about Mark. Way to make him feel bad at his own high school graduation! Sam forgoes giving her valedictorian speech so that Mark can take to the stage and apologize. Way to make graduation awkward for everyone!

Oh well. At least graduation works out for everyone else. Jake and Tiffani make a model castle so that they can pass their history class and avoid summer school.

Anyway, this was a depressing episode but I support any show that tries to keep people from drinking and driving. Plus, the Dreams finally graduated! Yay!

Episode 5.13 “A Band Divided”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 30th, 1996)

Again, yay! This episode opens with the He’s So Funky song!

Unfortunately, the song is so great that it proves to be too powerful for the band’s amp, which explodes on stage. It’s going to cost the Dreams a thousand dollars to get a new amp. Lorena offers to loan them the money, in return for the band making her co-manager with her boyfriend Sly. Sly is actually okay with the idea. “A lot of great couple have worked together,” he says, “Sonny and Cher …. Bonnie and Clyde….”

Sly and Lorena’s first task is to convince the head of the School Dance committee to hire the Dreams to play at the next school dance and….

WAIT A MINUTE! THE DREAMS GRADUATED LAST EPISODE! SCHOOL’S OVER!

Once again, when it came to maintaining continuity by showing the episodes in the proper order, NBC just didn’t care.

Anyway, to the surprise of no one, Lorena and Sly struggle to figure out how to work together and soon, the Dreams have absolutely no gigs! Jake tells them a story about two brothers who both became king and who had to learn how to rule together. This leads to a lengthy fantasy sequence in which everyone gets to wear Renaissance Faire costumes that cause the studio audience to go crazy with each entrance. Unfortunately, the story doesn’t do much good because, rather than learning to compromise, Sly and Lorena demand that the Dreams pick only one of them to be the manager.

To me, Lorena is the obvious choice because she has the best hair. Mark says that he can’t choose because “Sly and Lorena are both our friends.” Uhmm, Mark …. Sly is also your cousin. (This is one of those facts that the show often seemed to forget about.) Tiffani suggests that they let some old surfer dude make the selection. It’s kind of amazing that the Dreams have stayed together as long as they have because none of them appear to be that smart.

Anyway, the old surfer names Lorena as manager and then says that, since he did her a favor, she should do him a favor and have the Dreams play his party for free. Lorena says that’s not a fair arrangement and then Sly jumps up and says it’s not a fair arrangement and the old surfer explains that it was all a trick to make them realize how much they loved the band and he rules that they should both be co-managers. I’m glad that worked out!

This was a silly episode but I enjoyed it. Sly and Lorena are a fun couple and there was a funny B-plot in which Jake tried to rewire Lorena’s house in order to make the new amp work. Jay Anthony Franke was always at his best when the show gave him a chance to balance Jake’s innate coolness with Jake’s general incompetence.

Next week, we have the final two episodes! I’m going to miss the Dreams.

Music Video of the Day: Someone Like Me by Atomic Kitten (2004, dir by ????)

Posted on May 20, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I would have gotten a couch with a little more color to it but I get it. The video is all about keeping things simple.

Enjoy!

Retro Television Reviews: The Master 1.2 “Out-of-Time Step”

Posted on May 19, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing The Master, which ran on NBC from January to August of 1984. Almost all nine of the show’s episodes can be found on Tubi!

The adventures of John Peter McAllister and Max Keller continue!

That’s right, the search for McAllister’s daughter is still on and Max is still learning how to be a ninja. But, before we get to their latest adventure, it’s time to enjoy the opening credits!

Episode 1.2 “Out-of-Time Step”

(Dir by Ray Austin, originally aired on January 27th, 1984)

“Hi, I’m Max Keller and this is how I spend my mornings….” Max Keller tells us in voice over as we watch footage of Max (Timothy Van Patten) balancing on a rope that’s been tied between two trees. Yes, Max is still our narrator and John Peter McAllister (Lee Van Cleef) is still training him to become a ninja. Max is also still traveling in his van and with his hamster.

At the end of the previous episode, Max and McAllister were heading down to Atlanta to search for McAllister’s daughter. At the start of this episode, we discover that they are in San Francisco, investigating a lead that McAllister’s daughter may have danced at a club called Truffles. So, did they go to Atlanta or did they just change their mind and decide to stick around California? More to the point, did NBC say, “Hey, we’re not paying for you people to go out of state?”

Anyway, Truffles turns out to be a club that’s owned by Charlie Patterson (Charles Collins), a former film star who has fallen on hard times. (Charles Collins was a real-life dancer and when Patterson watches footage of a screen test that his character supposedly did for a Hollywood production, the footage is actually of Collins performing in a 1936 film called Dancing Pirate.) Patterson has two daughters. Kelly (Shanna Reed) is a dancer who thrills the club’s patrons every time she steps out onto the stage. The other, Jill (Lori Lethin), uses a wheelchair. Jill tells Charlie that he’s “an ex-hoofer with two daughters, one who wheels and one who does cartwheels.”

Upon arriving at Truffles, Max and McAllister discover that Charlie is being intimidated by Chinatown gangster, Johnny Chan (Brian Toshi) and Chan’s main enforcer, Mr. Lika (Soon-Tek Oh). Mr. Lika spots McAllister’s medallion and realizes that McAllister is a trained ninja. McAllister spots Mr. Lika’s ring and realizes that Mr. Lika is a member of the Yakuza. This establishes a mutual respect between the two of them, one that inevitably leads to a final battle between Soon-Tek Oh and Lee Van Cleef’s stunt double.

Of course, McAllister does more than just fight Mr. Lika. He also encourages Jill to stand up from her wheelchair and take a few steps. And when Johnny Chan has Kelly kidnapped, he and Max rescue her. (But not before Johnny shouts at her, “You’re a dancer! DANCE!”) It leads to a lot of action scenes but it doesn’t bring them any closer to McAllister’s daughter.

This episode wasn’t bad, largely because Soon-Tek Oh and Lee Van Cleef got a chance to face off. Even if all of the actual fighting was done by Van Cleef’s stunt double, it’s still undeniably fun to watch these two icons glare at each other and exchange tough guy dialogue. Plus, there was a lot of dancing! I always appreciate any show that finds room for more than one dance number, even if they are obviously lifted from Flashdance.

As I mentioned earlier, this episode ended with McAllister and Max nowhere close to finding McAllister’s daughter. But Max promised that they could keep looking. I’m sure they’ll find her. It’s not like America is that big.

Music Video of the Day: I Showed Her by O-Town (2003, dir by ????)

Posted on May 19, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

O-Town is showed the world how to have fun! Thank you, O-Town!

Enjoy! The O in enjoy stands for O-Town!

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 4.24 “El-Brain” and 4.25 “Pier Pressure”

Posted on May 18, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, the city guys finally leave the city for a while. Drama follows.

Episode 4.24 “El-Brain”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on December 16th, 2000)

On Wikipedia, this episode’s plot is described as follows: “El-Train enters the Science Fair to prove that he’s smarter than everyone, including Jamal, who thinks he isn’t.” Unfortunately, this is one of the episodes that is not streaming anywhere online so I haven’t been able to watch it. Interestingly. the title of this episode would seem to indicated that I’ve been referring to L-Train by the wrong name all this time.

Well, he’ll always be L-Train to me. And I hope he did well at the science fair. I’m also going to assume that Jamal learned a lesson about judging people.

Episode 4.25 “Pier Pressure”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on December 16th, 2000)

Chris has got access to his father’s vacation home for the weekend so the kids are going to the Hamptons!

Everyone is super excited about the idea of going out on Chris’s father’s yacht. The only problem is that the yacht’s captain has called in sick. Fortunately, Chris knows how to sail. He, Cassidy, Dawn, and Al take the yacht out for a spin. As you can probably guess, this leads to one disaster after another. First off, Al forgets to pack the food because he’s tired of Dawn trying to micromanage his life. Secondly, Chris and Al turn out to be not quite the expert fishermen that they claimed to be. Third, after turning off the engine, Chris can’t figure out how to drop the anchor. Fourth, the boat floats until it hits a sandbar. Fifth, the boat runs out of gas. Sixth, the boat runs out of power. Seventh, Al announces that everyone is going to starve to death. That does seem like a distinct possibility but at least they’ll get to experience a little bit of the yacht life before they die. Plus, if they die, the show will be over and I can start watching something better.

Meanwhile, Jamal and L-Train invite two women up to the house, which they now claim to own. The women make themselves comfortable in the living room. Suddenly, Ms. Noble and Billy show up! What are they doing there!? It turns out that they’re spending the weekend at the Hamptons as well and they just decided to stop by. Seriously, school’s out. It’s the weekend! No one wants to see their principal on the weekend! And really, I am kind of suspicious of any principal who would decide to just drop in on their students during they’re own vacation. That’s weird.

Fortunately, it all works out in the end. Jamal suddenly notices that Chris, Al, Dawn, and Cassidy haven’t come home. The coast guard is called. Everyone lives! Yay! This is the type of episode that I can’t stand, where every problem is the result of people just being unbelievably stupid. But at least it only lasted 30 minutes or so.

Next week, season 4 ends!

The Eric Roberts Collection: Joker’s Poltergeist (dir by Christopher S. Lind)

Posted on May 18, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

In 2020’s Joker’s Poltergeist (also known as Joker’s Wild), Eric Roberts plays James Jennings. Jennings was a part-owner of the Palace Theater Chain until his partner, Rand Place (Martin Kove), forced him out and gave the business to his daughter, Aurora Place (Lacie Marie Meyer). After apparently filming himself discussing how he is going to be starting a movement and how no one is ever going to forget him, James dresses up like a clown, goes down to the theater, and guns down the audience of a film called Joker’s Wild. He also kills Rand before being shot himself by another theatergoer, William Remmington (Ari Boyland).

Clips of James’s final message are shown throughout Joker’s Poltergeist but we never actually see Roberts interacting with the rest of the cast. (When James starts shooting people at the theater, he does so under a mask that he never removes and the end credits indicate that an actor other than Roberts played James in those scenes.) This is obviously one of those films where Roberts filmed his scenes over the course of an hour or two, probably in his own office. He certainly wasn’t on the set. The same can be said of Martin Kove, who only appears as a part of a video message that Rand taped for Aurora before the shooting. For that matter, Dustin Diamond appears for a few brief seconds and again, only as a part of a filmed message that Aurora watches.

Instead, the majority of the film takes place a year after the shooting. Aurora is fighting to not only re-open her theater but to also keep concealed carry legal in her state. She is now dating William and is a part of a support group made up of other survivors of the massacre. From the moment Aurora reenters the old theater, she starts to have strange visions of killer clowns, demonic doctors, and sleazy politicians. “You shouldn’t like guns….” the evil doctors chant at her. At one point, she and her friends are trapped in the theater and being taunted by the spirits of the dead and, at another point, Aurora is suddenly in a hospital and being menaced by killer nurses. Aurora struggles to figure out what is real and what is a dream, with the film suggesting that theater itself has become a separate dimension that is populated by James’s victims. At its best, the film plays out like an unsettling nightmare, the type that doesn’t necessarily cause you to wake up screaming but which still remains fresh in your mind throughout the day.

On the one hand, the film is obviously based on the 2012 Dark Knight Rises shooting that it feels more than a little distasteful. On the other hand, the film is intriguingly surreal and Lacie Marie Meyer gives a really good performance as Aurora. (Yes, it would appear that she was named after Aurora, Colorado, which is one reason why the film feels so distasteful even though it has a handful of effective moments.) The film does attempt to say something about guns, with Aurora being a proponent of the 2nd amendment and the gun-grabbing mayor and his wife being behind the efforts to tear down the theater. It’s hard to really say which side the film comes down on, though I think it’s ultimately more pro-gun control than anything else. That said, the film’s portrayal of the mayor and his wife as being vapid politicians who want to keep their own guns while taking away everyone else’s felt true to life.

Joker’s Poltergeist is ultimately a bit too icky and exploitive to really work but it still has its moments. It’s a movie that keeps you guessing, if nothing else.