Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Check It Out 1.3 “No Cause For Alarm”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Howard has a chance to get the heck out of Canada!

Episode 1.3 “No Cause For Alarm”

(Dir by Gary Plaxton, originally aired on October 16th, 1985)

The workers at Cobb’s Grocery are reluctantly preparing for another theme week at the store.  It’s a Switzerland theme week, which I assume will be very popular in Canada.  All of the cashiers are dressed like Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music.  Assistant manager Jack Christian is wearing lederhosen.  Christian is really excited because he’s managed to borrow an expensive cuckoo clock with which to decorate the store.

Store manager Howard Bannister has a bit more on his mind, though.  He has an interview coming up with an international hotel chain and, if he aces the interview, he’ll get to manage a hotel in Venice.  As Howard puts it, this has been his dream for about 15 years.  Unfortunately, it’s going to be difficult for Howard to ace that interview because the store’s alarm system keeps malfunctioning and the police finally tell Howard to just turn off the alarm so that they’re not bothered anymore.  However, that expensive and borrowed cuckoo clock is still hanging on the wall so Howard ends up having to sleep at the store.  Needless to say, the exhausted Howard falls asleep in the middle of his interview and doesn’t get the job.  As Christian resigns himself to still being the store’s assistant manager, Howard accepts that he’s not going anywhere for a while.

This is an odd episode of Check It Out.  For one thing, there’s a totally different stockboy (played by Jason Warren) from the kid who appeared in the previous two episodes.  He’s a bit older than the usual stockboy, he wears rather thick glasses, and everyone acts as if he’s always been at the store.  Meanwhile, the store’s electrician (played by Gordon Clapp) is referred to as being “Mr. Matthews” even though his name was Viker in his previous (and future) appearances.

Perhaps the oddest thing about the episode is that everyone is given very backstory-dependent dialogue.  For instance, Edna has a long conversation with cashier Jennifer (Tonya Williams) in which she explains the history of her relationship with Howard.  Whenever Christian enters a room, everyone is quick to mention that he’s the assistant manager, as if this is information that has never been mentioned before.  The relationships between the characters also feel a bit off.  For instance, there hasn’t been any hints of deep friendship between Edna and Jennifer in the previous two episodes.

My guess is that this episode was originally the pilot for Check It Out.  Apparently, it worked well enough to sell the show but the show’s producers decided not to use it as the first episode.  Instead, it aired as the third episode, despite the fact that the episode was essentially a rough draft of what the show would become.

As for the episode …. eh, it’s okay.  Gordon Clapp was funny as the confident but incompetent electrician.  Jeff Pustil had a few funny moments as Christian.  Don Adams overacted a bit as Howard, as if the show still wasn’t sure how obnoxious or sympathetic the character should be.  My main issue with the episode was the idea of Howard going from managing a grocery store in Canada to managing an international hotel in Venice.  I mean, can Howard even speak Italian?

Next week, everyone at the store is required to get a physical!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 10/15/23 — 10/21/23


TV!?  Who has time for TV in October!  I’m going to have so much to catch up on in November, I swear.  Here’s some thoughts on what I did watch over the previous week!

ALCS Game One (Sunday Night, FOX)

I watched this baseball game, between the Rangers and the Astros, on Sunday night with my sister, Erin.  The Rangers won, which made Erin happy and that made me happy.

ALCS Game Two (Monday Afternoon, Fox)

I watched a bit of this with Erin on Monday.  She was happy that the Rangers won so I was happy too.

Big Brother 25 (24/7, CBS and Paramount Plus)

I wrote about Big Brother here!

Check It Out (Tubi)

I watched the 3rd episode of Check It Out earlier today and my review will be dropping in about 90 minutes.

Degrassi Junior High (YouTube)

I wrote about Degrassi here!

Dr. Phil (YouTube)

Find someone who loves you as much as Dr. Phil loved saying “Sugar Daddy web sites” in 2017.  The episode that I watched on Sunday was from 2017 and Phil said either “Sugar Daddy” or “Sugar Baby” over a hundred times in 40 minutes.  It all came across as being a bit silly.

On Monday, I watched an episode in which a woman and her 81 year-old fiancé accused her ex-husband of being abusive.  Phil didn’t believe a word that the woman had to say and the woman proceeded to have a meltdown on stage.

On Saturday, I watched the first part of an interview with a young woman who thought she was pregnant with Jesus (as in literally Jesus).  Special guest star Dr. Stork from The Doctors visited to tell her that she wasn’t pregnant.  She accused him of lying.  The audience gasped.

Friday the 13th: The Series (YouTube)

I wrote about Friday the 13th here!

Gun (Tubi)

I wrote about Gun here!

Highway to Heaven (Tubi)

I wrote about Highway to Heaven here!

Jennifer Slept Here (YouTube)

I wrote about Jennifer Slept Here …. here!

Jenny Jones (YouTube)

On Tuesday morning, I watched an episode about young teenage girls who dated older teenage boys.  The youngest of the girls was like 13 and she was dating a 17 year-old.  Jenny got extremely flustered while interviewing the idiots on her stage.

Monsters (Tubi)

I wrote about Monsters here!

Night Flight (Night Flight Plus)

On Saturday morning, I watched a 1988 interview with director Brian De Palma where he came across as being about as confident as could be.  That’s probably because the interview was filmed after The Untouchables and before The Bonfire of the Vanities.

Nightmare Café (YouTube)

I wrote about Nightmare Café here!

T and T (Tubi)

I wrote about T and T here!

The Vanishing Shadow (Night Flight Plus)

Our serial continued with chapter two, which I watched on Friday night.  Having escaped using the Invisibility Ray at the end of the previous chapter, our hero spent this chapter being chased by villains who were carrying a Death Ray.  It was a fun 30 minutes.

Welcome Back, Kotter (Tubi)

Gabe’s father came to visit and I wrote about it here!

Yes, Prime Minister (Monday Morning, PBS)

This week’s episode as Yes, Prime Minister was very, very British as it resolved around Prime Minister Hacker selecting a new bishop.  The entire episode was full of jokes about how the Church of England was less of a church and more of a social club.  As someone of an Irish/Italian Catholic background, I had a good laugh.

Horror On TV: The Hitchhiker 5.24 “My Enemy” (dir by René Bonnière)


On tonight’s episode of The Hitchhiker, Joan Severance stars as both a film star and a woman who is stuck in a go-nowhere marriage.  Neither one is happy with her life and looking for an escape.  Murder turns out to be a convenient solution.  This episode has a bit of a strange ending, one that really doesn’t make a lot of sense if you think about it too much.  But, fortunately, The Hitchhiker is there to impart a lesson.

(It’s a bit unfortunate that they apparently never did an episode that explored the Hitchhiker’s origins.  I mean, the guy just pops up everywhere.)

This episode originally aired on November 25th, 1989.

The TSL Horror Grindhouse: Lord Shango (dir by Ray Marsh)


The 1975 film, Lord Shango, takes place in a small, rural town in the Deep South, where the population appears to be firmly divided between those who worship at an evangelical Christian church and those who follow the Yoruba religion.

(To answer the obvious question, I have no idea how faithful this film is to the realities of the Yoruba religion.)

Jenny (Marlene Clark), who is a waitress at a local restaurant, is a member of the evangelical church, largely because her boyfriend is a member and he thinks that her attending the church will help her to get pregnant.  Her daughter, Billie (Avis McCarther), is in love with Femi (Bill Overton), who is a follower of the Yoruba religion.  One Sunday morning, while all the church people sings hymns, a series of baptisms are held in a nearby river.  When it is time for Billie to baptized, Femi rushes into the water and objects.  After he shoves her out of the river, the men of the church grab Femi and announce that the evil must be taken out of him through what appears to be a forced baptism.  They force him under the water but, with Femi struggling, the end up holding him down for too long and Femi drowns.

Traumatized, Billie sinks into depression and Jenny grows disillusioned with the church, especially when the men who held Femi down refuse to take any responsibility for their actions.  She also learns that her boyfriend, Memphis (Wally Taylor), had sex with Billie after Billie mistook him for being the spirit of Femi.  When she finds Memphis praying in the church, she proceeds to yell and curse at him while he pathetically apologizes.

The next morning, Jenny wakes up to discover that Billie has run away, leaving behind a note that simply reads, “I can no longer live in your house.”  When the men of the church again prove to be insensitive and ineffectual when it comes to finding out where Billie has gone (and instead are more concerned about why Jenny and Memphis has not been coming to the prayer meetings), Jenny turns to Femi’s friend, Jabo (Lawrence Cook).  Under Jabo’s guidance, Jenny offers up a series of sacrifices to the local Yoruba priest (Maurice Woods) and asks for her daughter to return home.

The sacrifices appear to work.  Billie returns home and reveals that she’s pregnant with a baby that she believes to be Femi’s and which Jenny believes to be Memphis’s.  Jenny, now firmly under the control of Jabo, continues to make sacrifices and bad things continue to befall the men that she holds responsible for Femi’s death….

A frequently surreal film, Lord Shango is an interesting, if not always easy-to-decipher, portrayal of the battle of two different belief systems.  While the evangelical Christianity that Jenny first followed could only promise an eventual reward, Jabo’s tribal religion offers her immediate reward and revenge.  (Significantly, even though Billie was in love with Femi and wants to have his child, she has no interest in following his religion.)  The film is often edited to provide a direct contrast between the staged cermonies of evangelical Christianity and the sensuality of the Yoruba religion.  The film is full of Southern gothic atmosphere and is well-acted, particularly by Lawrence Cook and Marlene Clark.  That said, the film is also frequently very difficult to follow.  At times, one gets the feeling that the film is being surreal simply to be surreal and it’s hard to find a coherent message in the film’s collection of odd scenes and strange dialogue.

Lord Shango is a frequently intriguing film, as long as you’re willing to accept a little incoherence.

Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back, Kotter 2.16 “Kotter and Son”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Gabe’s father comes to visit!

Episode 2.16 “Kotter and Son”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on January 20th, 1977)

January 20th, 1977.  While many Americans was celebrating the inauguration of Jimmy Carter and others were laying the groundwork for the election of 1980, teenagers all across America were tuning into ABC so that they could see what Barbarino was going to do this week.

The first image they saw on that Inauguration Day was Gabe and Julie sitting in the apartment and reading the newspaper.

“Know who this guys looks like?” Gabe asks, pointing to a picture in the paper.

“One of your relatives?” Julie replies, as if she’s already dreading what’s to come.

“My cousin, Sidney Kotter!” Gabe announces.

Cousin Sid was so stupid that he once locked his keys in the car.  He called the auto club (the auto club again!) and they said they would be there in an hour.  Sid replied, “Well, you can’t come here in an hour because it’s raining outside and my car’s a convertible and I left the top down.”

At school, Gabe teaches about World War II but he’s obviously distracted, not even acknowledging a joke told by Epstein.  After the bell rings and the rest of the class leaves, Gabe tells the main four Sweathogs that he’s having problems at home.  Everyone assumes that Julie has left him again but Gabe eventually confesses that he’s nervous because his father is coming for a visit from Florida.  Barbarino says that Gabe has nothing to be nervous about.

“Vinny,” Gabe says, “Imagine your father is coming 14,000 miles to see his son!  Imagine that!”

Barbarino tries to imagine.  “Is he coming on a bus or a train?”

Gabe then compares his father the iceberg that hit the Titanic, which leads to the Sweathogs singing a song about an iceberg wearing a sports shirt.

The next morning, at the apartment, Julie struggles to convince Gabe to get out of bed and get ready for his father’s visit.  While Gabe and Julie try to figure out why his father would come all the way to New York from Florida, the man himself, Charlie Kotter (Harold Gould), knocks on the front door.  Charlie enters the apartment and tells Julie that she’s beautiful and then orders Gabe to “wash your teeth.”  Charlie declares that the cab that picked him up at the airport was Gabe’s apartment and says that he’s glad that he’ll be staying with Gabe’s brother, Melvin.  “Remember your brother, Melvin?” Charlie asks before then asking if Gabe has found a real job yet.

You may have guessed that Charlie and Gabe have a strained relationship and they do.  Charlie thinks that Gabe is wasting his life, teaching remedial classes at his old high school in New York.  Gabe thinks that he’s doing a good thing by teaching the Sweathogs.  Charlie says that he wants Gabe to come back to Florida with him and join him in selling coconut-themed souvenirs.  “Kotter and Son!” Charlie announces.  Charlie then says that he’s going to school with Gabe so that he can finally see what Gabe does for a living.  Gabe is not happy about this but finds himself powerless to stop his elderly father from following him out of the apartment.

Cut to the school, where Charlie has made friends with Mr. Woodman.  As Mr. Woodman looks at the coconut paperweight that Charlie has given him, Charlie says, “I just want to see what my son does for a living.”  Woodman asks Charlie to let him know if he ever figures it out.

In class, Gabe tries to teach but is nervous with Charlie constantly interrupting him.  Finally, Charlie agrees to remain quiet so that he can observe and Gabe teaches about the Great Depression while pretending to be Walter Winchell doing a radio report.  Gabe pretends to be a stockbroker who has lost everything.  He pretends to be a bitter worker.  He pretends to be Herbert Hoover.  Charlie is skeptical of Gabe’s techniques but then Gabe proves that the Sweathogs now know and understand far more about the Great Depression than they did at the start of the class.  Even Barbarino had debatably picked up some knowledge!

(“What did the Stock Market crash do to the price of products?” Gabe asks Barbarino.  “What products?” Barbarino replies.)

Charlie asks Gabe to step out in the hallway and tells Gabe that he knows Gabe isn’t going to move down to Florida.

Gabe says, “Pop, I’m 30 years old.  Just tell me your proud of me!”

“You should hear how much I talk about in Florida,” Charlies replies, “People down there are sick of hearing about you!  Now, go teach your Sweathogs.”

Realizing that he’s not going to get anything better than that, Gabe returns to his classroom.  As Gabe closes the door, Charlie says, “I’m proud of you, my son.”

Gabe opens the door and says, “I heard you.”

Awwwwwwww!

Back at the apartment, Charlie asks Julie if she ever heard about what happened to his brother, Saul Kotter.  Julie is a bit more tolerant of Charlie telling jokes than she is when Gabe does it.  Anyway, Saul was hit by a truck while crossing the street.  A policeman put his jacket under Saul’s head and asked him if he was comfortable.  Saul replied, “I make a good living.”  As Charlie finishes his joke, Gabe steps in the apartment and asks, “Julie, have I ever told you about my Uncle Saul?”

This episode definitely worked, mostly because Harold Gould and Gabe Kaplan were totally believable as father and son.  There were not a lot of Sweathog shenanigans this episode but the scenes between Gabe and his father were well-acted and ultimately rather sweet.

Next week: Gabe takes a second job to pay for dental work!  Julie thinks that he’s having an affair with someone who actually likes his jokes.

Horror Novel Review: Ski Weekend by R.L. Stine


Woo hoo!  IT’S A SKI WEEKEND!

Of course, this ski weekend is taking place in an R.L. Stine novel so maybe don’t get too excited just yet.  Bad things are probably going to happen.  A group of friends from Shadyside High decide to spend the weekend skiing because, apparently, every form of entertainment and leisure was located only an hour or two from Shadyside.  If you live in Shadyside, you can go skiing or you can go to the beach or you can to summer camp or maybe even explore the bayous.  You just have to drive for an hour or two.

(Okay, I can’t remember if Shadyside has a bayou nearby but I imagine it does.)

Ariel is big into science.  Her friend Doug is a troubled tough guy with a heart of Gold.  Shannon is Doug’s girlfriend, who is pretty and what else do you need to be?  Originally, Ariel’s boyfriend Randy was a part of the group but Randy, apparently being a Hang Time fan, decided that he would rather leave and go play basketball than spend his time risking his life on the slopes.  I don’t blame Randy.  Do you have any idea how many people die in skiing accident every year?

Anyway, after Randy and Ariel have a big fight and Randy drives off in his car, an older guy named Red pops up out of nowhere and comforts her.  Everyone is so touched by the concern of this weird older guy that they’ve never seen before that they agree to give Red a ride to his home.  Unfortunately, they get stranded in a blizzard and are forced to take shelter at a farm house that is owned by a redneck named Lou and his wife, Eva.  Lou is kind of a perv but everyone decides that it would be better to stay with him than to sit out in the car and freeze to death.

Well, of course, it turns out that there’s more going on here than just a car getting stuck in a blizzard.  Lou turns out to be dangerous but it also turns out that Lou is not the only person in the farmhouse who has secrets.  It looks like Randy made the right decision leaving to play basketball.

First published in 1991, Ski Weekend has some chilling moments that really capture the idea of being stranded somewhere and not sure of when you’re ever going to get to leave.  There’s a bad person who wears a ski mask and seriously, ski masks are pure nightmare fuel!  That said, this is another R.L. Stine film that is dependent upon a group of people doing something monumentally stupid.  Seriously, it’s nice that Red asked Ariel if she was okay but there was nothing about his actions that really required the Shadyside kids to go out of their way to give Red a ride home.  Today, they would just get him an Uber.  Remember that the next time that people say all of this new technology has ruined the world!

October True Crime: Summer of Sam (dir by Spike Lee)


First released in 1999, Summer of Sam is Spike Lee’s sprawling, frustrating, flawed, occasionally compelling, and ultimately rather intriguing film about the summer of 1977 in New York City.

As one can guess from the title, it was a summer that was dominated by the reign of terror of the serial killer known as the Son of Sam.  While New York suffered one of the hottest summers on record, the Son of Sam shot couples while they sat in their cars.  Because all of his victims had been women with long, dark hair, women across the city wore blonde wigs.  While the police searched for the killer, the city was also caught up in the World Series.  Club 57 was the hottest club in New York but a growing number of rebels, inspired by the news that was coming out of the UK, eschewed the glitz of disco for the gritty and deliberately ugly aesthetic of punk and the Mud Club.

Though the film is centered around the murders of the Son of Sam, he remains a largely shadowy figure in the film.  Played by Michael Badalucco, David Berkowitz spends most of his time in his filthy home, yelling at the dog across the street and writing cryptic messages on the walls.  He only gets a few minutes of screen time because the film is ultimately less about the Son of Sam’s crimes and more about how one Italian-American neighborhood in New York deals with the atmosphere of fear and paranoia created by those crimes.  It’s a neighborhood that’s ruled over by the ruthless but benevolent Luigi (Ben Gazzara).  When the two detectives (Anthony LaPaglia and Roger Guevener Smith) come to the neighborhood in search of information, they know that Luigi is the man to see.

Vinny (John Leguizamo) is one of the neighborhood’s citizens, a hairdresser who hasn’t let his marriage to Dionna (Mira Sorvino) stand in the way of his compulsive womanizing.  Vinny is the type who cheats on his wife and then goes to Confession to get forgiveness.  He’s the type who gets angry whenever Dionna wants to have sex with the lights on or do anything other than a quick three minutes in the missionary position.  When he realizes that the Son of Sam was watching him while he was having sex in a car with Dionna’s cousin and that he could have been one of his victims, Vinny starts to spin out of control.  Vinny’s childhood friend is Ritchie (Adrien Brody), who shocks everyone when he spikes his hair, puts on a Union Jack t-shirt, and starts speaking with a fake British accent.  Ritchie and his girlfriend, Ruby (Jennifer Esposito), embrace the punk lifestyle and even put one the Son of Sam’s letters to music when they perform at the Mud Club.

It’s an ambitious film but it’s also an overlong film, one where the slow spots can truly test the viewer’s patience.  With a 142-minute running time, Summer of Sam finds the time to touch on almost every trope of the late 70s.  Vinny and Dionna hit the clubs, where the usually quiet Dionna truly comes to life as she dances.  (Vinny’s moves are far less impressive.  Tony Manero would have laughed at him.)  Ritchie not only embraces punk rock but he also makes his money by performing in live sex shows.  When a mysterious man offers to give Vinny and Dionna a ride in his limo, it’s hard not to smile when it’s revealed that he’s taking them to the infamous sex club, Plato’s Retreat.  One can respect Lee’s ambition while still finding the film itself to be a bit too self-indulgent for it’s own good.

Spike Lee, for all of his other talents, has never been a particularly subtle director.  Vinny and his friends spend a lot of time hanging out at the end of street, strategically placed in front of a sign that loudly proclaims, “DEAD END.”  At one point, Vinny is inspired to run to his window and start screaming insults at the Son of Sam and Leguizamo’s histrionic delivery of the lines make it impossible to take his anguish seriously.  At the same time, there are moments that work brilliantly.  I particularly liked the scenes that took place during the blackout of 1977.  Luigi automatically knows how to keep control in his neighborhood and he sends his men out with baseball bats, channeling their aggression into a search for the phantom serial killer.  For every scene that doesn’t work, there’s a scene like the Baba O’Riley montage or Vinny, Dionna, Ritchie, and Ruby having a candlelit dinner.

“We really dig your vibe.”

John Leguizamo is shrill and miscast as Vinny, though I’m not sure if anyone could have made much of such a one-dimensional characters.  I preferred the performances of Mira Sorvino, Adrien Brody, and Jennifer Esposito, who all brought their characters to authentic life.  (I especially liked how Brody switched from being tough to being a wounded child at the drop of a hat.)  As is so often the case with Lee’s films, it’s the supporting actors who make the strongest impression.  I loved Mike Starr’s earthy performance as Ritchie’s father and Ben Gazzara’s sly turn as the neighborhood mobster.  Bebe Neuwirth is underused but memorable as Vinny’s boss.

The film is overstuffed and overlong but it effectively portrays a community in the grips of paranoia and anger.  In the end, the film is epitomized by a scene in which the neighbor’s dog enter David Berkowtiz’s living room and starts yelling at him in the voice of John Turturro.  It’s a scene that’s so ludicrous that it somehow becomes effective.  It’s a scene that most directors would have left on the editing room floor but Spike Lee included it.  It takes courage to write, film, and keep a scene like that.  Summer of Sam is a wreck of a film but it’s also ultimately a compelling portrait of a community coming apart.  In the end, just as in real life, Berkowitz is brought to justice and a community is left wondering what to do now.

Summer of Sam features some of Spike Lee’s best work and also some of his worst.  The film opens with columnist Jimmy Breslin describing New York as being the city that he both loves and hates and that’s the way that I feel about this film.  For all of its flaws, there’s enough strengths to make up for them.  It’s a New York story and, appropriately, it’s just as messy as the city that it is about.

The Films of Dario Argento: Phenomena


First released in 1985, Phenomena is the Dario Argento film with all the insects.

Phenomena is one of the most divisive of Argento’s film.  Throughout the years, many critics have cited Phenomena as being the first Argento film to not really work.  Some have called it Argento’s worst and most self-indulgent film and the first sign that he had lost his way.  At the same time, I know quite a few people who consider Phenomena to be among Argento’s best films.  The one thing that both camps seem to have in common is that their takes are all inspired by the film’s use of insects.

That said, Argento has always claimed that Phenomena is less about the insects and more about a world in which the Nazis conquered Europe.  Much as with Argento’s claim that Tenebrae is actually a science fiction film, the idea that Phenomena takes place in a Europe controlled by Nazis can be found but only if you specifically look for it.  For instance, the film is set in the Swiss countryside, with a similar emphasis on the mountains and the forests that were present in the German propaganda pictures that were taken of Hitler and his inner circle “relaxing” at his mountain residence.  Much of the film takes place at a private school that is named after Richard Wagner, where the privileged students — with their always crisp uniforms and their haughty attitude — feel as if they could be descendants of the kid who sang Tomorrow Belongs To Me in Cabaret.  One of the chaperones at the school is a German woman named Frau Bruckner (Daria Nicolodi).  Again, much as with Tenebrae, Argento has said the Phenomena takes place in a world where terrible things have happened but the population has collectively decided to forget about them.  Willfully forgotten seems to have been a major theme for Argento in the years following his unhappy experience with Inferno.

The film opens with the murder of 14 year-old Danish girl named Vera Brandt (played by Fiore Argento, the director’s daughter) who is a part of a tour group but who misses her bus.  When she walks through the Swiss countryside in search of help, she comes across a house that’s not as abandoned as it originally.  She is attacked and beheaded by the house’s resident.  Eight months later, Vera’s decaying and maggot-covered heard is discovered and taken to forensic entomologist John McGregor (Donald Pleasence).  Though McGregor uses a wheelchair, he has a monkey named Inga who takes care of him.  Inga is quite capable with a straight-razor.

Meanwhile, chaperoned by Frau Bruckner, Jennifer Corvino (Jennifer Connelly) has just enrolled in the Richard Wagner Academy For Girls.  Jennifer is the daughter of a Hollywood star.  (Argento originally wanted Jennifer to be Al Pacino’s daughter, with Pacino playing himself.  Pacino reportedly turned Argento down.)  Jennifer is also a sleepwalker who has an intense mental connection with insects.  Insects do her bidding and, in return, Jennifer protects them.  When Frau Brucker and her chauffeur attempt to kill a bee, Jennifer is able to calm down the bee and set it free from the limo.

Jennifer struggles to fit in at the Academy.  Much like Jessica Harper’s Suzy Banyon in Suspiria, she discovers that the other students are an idiosyncratic and not particularly friendly group.  Whereas poor Suzy Banyon just had to accept her situation, Jennifer has an army of insects on her side and she’s willing to call them down on her snooty classmates.  Of course, when Jennifer isn’t communing with the insects, she’s having to deal with the fact that she witnessed a murder while she was out sleepwalking.  Haunted by images of the murder and being stalked by the murderer, Jennifer also learns that Frau Bruckner wants to send her to a mental hospital for being “diabolic.”

Jennifer’s only real friend in Switzerland is John McGregor and it must be said that Donald Pleasence, who was so misused in so many horror films in the 80s and 90s, is perfectly cast as the eccentric but kindly entomologist.  Pleasence was one of those actors who could deliver even the strangest of lines with enough gravity to make them memorable and McGregor’s easy acceptance of the idea that Jennifer has a psychic connection with insects make it much easier for the viewer to accept it as well.  As well, McGregor’s friendship with the monkey is far more touching than it has any right to be.

Phenomena is an odd mix of giallo and fantasy, with the brutal and violent murders uneasily playing out with more lyrical scenes featuring the beauty of Switzerland and the loyalty of the animal kingdom.  Perhaps the best way to view Phenomena is as being an extremely bloody fairy tale, with Jennifer as a Cinderella-figure who depends on nature to stay safe from the adults and the students who stand in for the wicked stepmother and the ugly stepsisters.  Visually, there are moments of haunting beauty in the film.  There are other moments in which Argento seems to be determined to test how long the audience would be willing to accept the idea Jennifer and her insect army.  Because of the whimsical insects, the film is often described as being an oddity in Argento’s filmography but actually, psychic insects and animals would pop up in future Argento films, so it seems that this was something that had obsessed him for a long time.  Either that or the negative reaction afforded to Phenomena inspired Argento to continue to use the insects as his way of letting the critics know his true opinion of their worth.

I have to admit that I am amongst those who like Phenomena.  It’s such a strange film that it’s hard for me not to admire it and, much as with Suspiria, the film benefitted from having a strong female protagonist in Jennifer Calvino.  (For her part, Jennifer Connelly has said that she’s not particularly a fan of Phenomena.)  Finally, this is a film that gave Donald Pleasence a chance to show what an engaging actor he could be when he had the right role.  Critics be damned, I like this movie!

The (Reviewed) Films of Dario Argento:

  1. The Bird With The Crystal Plumage
  2. Cat O’Nine Tales
  3. Four Flies on Grey Velvet
  4. Deep Red
  5. Suspiria
  6. Inferno
  7. Tenebrae

Horror Movie Review: When A Stranger Calls Back (dir by Fred Walton)


The 1993 film, When A Stranger Calls Back, opens with the recreation of an urban legend.

A teenager babysitter named Julia Jenz (Jill Schoelen) arrives at a big suburban house for a routine baby-sitting gig.  The two children are already asleep in bed.  All Julia has to do is sent in the living room and do her homework until the parents return from their party.  Julia settles in.  She gets one mysterious phone call but hangs up.

Then, someone knocks on the door.

The man on the other side of the door explains that his car has broken down and he asks if he can come inside to call his auto club.  (This is one of those films that could have only worked in the age of landline phones.)  Julia doesn’t want to let the man into the house but the man is insistent that he needs Julia’s help.  Finally, Julia says that she’ll call the auto club for him but, when she goes to the phone, she finds that the line is dead.  Rather than tell the man the truth, Julia lies to him and says that she called the auto club.  The man thanks Julia and says that he’s returning to his car.

(What is an auto club?)

Eventually, the man returns, knocking on the door and asking if Julia really called the auto club.  Julia continues to lie, even as the man becomes increasingly belligerent.  What Julia doesn’t know but soon discovers is that the man is not outside talking to her but he’s actually inside of the house.  And he’s abducted the children!

The opening scene, which of course harkens back to the original When A Stranger Calls, is a genuinely well-done and suspenseful sequence.  Again, much like as if with the first film, the opening of When A Stranger Calls Back is so strong that the rest of the film can’t really keep up.

When A Stranger Calls Back is indeed a sequel to When A Stranger Calls, which means that, after Julia’s terrifying night of babysitting, the film jumps forward five years.  The children are never found and the man who knocked on the door is never identified.  Julia is now a college student but she’s still traumatized by the night and has a difficult time trusting anyone.  When she starts to suspect that someone has been in her apartment, she turns to Jill Johnson (Carol Kane), who is a counselor at the college and also the protagonist from When A Stranger Calls.  Jill helps Julie out, teaching her how to shoot a gun and also calling in the man who killed her stalker, John Clifford (Charles Durning).  Clifford figures out that Julia’s stalker is probably a ventriloquist.  Personally, I think the film made a huge mistake by making the stalker a ventriloquist instead of the ventriloquist’s dummy.

Despite strong performances from Carol Kane, Charles Durning, and Jill Schoelen, When A Stranger Calls Back suffers from the same problem as When A Stranger Calls.  After a scary and effective opening sequence, the rest of the film just feels like a letdown.  The killer in When A Stranger Calls Back is not quite as wimpy as the phlegmatic British guy from the first When A Stranger Calls but still, how intimidated can you be by a ventriloquist?  An even bigger problem is that When A Stranger Calls Back cheats at the end, suddenly revealing that a character who we had every reason to believe to be dead is actually alive.  It feels a bit as cop out on the part of the film, an attempt to slap an improbable happy ending on a film that would otherwise be pretty dark.

These films make me happy that I was never responsible enough to be a babysitter.

Horror Film Review: Monster From The Ocean Floor (dir by Wyott Ordung)


Are you ready to go in the water?

That’s the question asked by the 1954 film, Monster From The Ocean Floor.  Taking place in a Mexican fishing village and artist’s colony, Monster From The Ocean Floor features a lot of underwater action.  It also features a monster who lives on the ocean floor and who has been terrorizing fisherman, swimmers, and divers.  Unfortunately, despite being featured in the title, there’s not really much of the Monster in this film.  It takes a while for the Monster to even be acknowledged and, when the Monster finally does show up, it’s over all too quickly.  I guess we shouldn’t be too surprised by any of that, seeing as how this is a 1950s Roger Corman production that was apparently made on a budget of $20,000.  Producer Corman and director Wyott Ordung had to choose between devoting screen time to a potentially expensive monster or to a one-man submarine that they could use for free as long as they listed the submarine’s manufacturer in the opening and end credits.  They went with the submarine.

In fact, the submarine was apparently the main reason that Corman decided to make this film, his first as a producer.  He read an article about it in the Los Angeles Times and decided that it sounded like the perfect thing to feature in a movie.  In what would become typical Corman fashion, Corman got the submarine first and then built a movie around it.

As for the movie, it features Stuart Wade as Steve Dunning, the hunky Marine biologist who loves the ocean and frequently pilots the submarine.  When Steve and his submarine first emerge from the ocean, they briefly frighten Julie Blair (Anne Kimbell), an artist who is at the village in search for inspiration.  Later, when Julie actually does briefly see the monster rising from the ocean, Steve and Dr. Baldwin (Dick Pinner) theorize that the Monster From The Ocean Floor is actually a prehistoric creature that was in a Cthulhu-like slumber until it was reawakened by atomic bomb testing on the nearby Bikini Islands.

The people at the village don’t really care where the Monster came from or what the Monster might mean for the cause of science.  They just want the Monster go away so that they continue their lives in peace.  Pablo (played by the film’s director, Wyott Ordung) and Tula (Inez Palange) think that the solution might be a human sacrifice and they make plans to summon a shark to eat the diving Julie.  Agck!

As I mentioned earlier, this film was Roger Corman’s debut as a producer.  Corman was only 25 at the time and he didn’t direct the film but still, everything about Monster From The Ocean Floor — from the low budget to the casting of Jonathan Haze (and Corman himself!) in a small role — easily identifies this as being a Corman film.  It has its fun moments and, for a 1954 film, Anne Kimbell’s Julie Blair is a refreshingly independent and liberated character.  Unfortunately, the overall film is a bit slow and it does seem to take forever for the monster to actually show up.

Ultimately, Monster From The Ocean Floor‘s main importance is as a piece of B-movie history.  With this movie, the glorious filmmaking career of Roger Corman began.