Film Review: Britney Ever After (dir by Leslie Libman) #FreeBritney

Posted on February 18, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Earlier tonight, I watched the latest Lifetime celebrity biopic, Britney Ever After.

Ever since that ill-fated Aaliyah movie, Lifetime biopics have had a reputation for being hot messes and I’m sure that a lot of people will say the same thing about Britney Ever After. Britney Ever After is about Britney Spears, following her from her first tour with *NSYNC through her relationship with Justin Timberlake through her marriages to both Jason Alexander and Kevin Federline and finally concluding with her well-publicized breakdown in 2008. As usually seems to happen with these biopics, the whole story is framed by interviews with a documentary crew. From what I saw, the twitter reaction was pretty savage and I’m sure that there will be all sorts of snarky reviews tomorrow.

But you know what?

As far as Lifetime celebrity biopics go, Britney Ever After was not that bad.

It suffered from some obvious problems. Since neither Britney nor her management had anything to do with the making of the film, none of Britney’s original music was heard. That means there was no Oops! I did it again! There was no Baby One More Time. No Toxic. No If U Seek Amy. There was no Work Bitch, which incidentally is both the greatest song that Britney’s ever done and my favorite song to sing while stuck in traffic. I think it was mentioned, at one point, that Britney was working on a song called Womanizer but I may have misheard. When the actress playing Britney sang, it was only to cover songs by other artists. In the film, Britney performed I Love Rock and Roll and a bit of Walking After Midnight.

For what I presume are legal reasons, the film had to be circumspect. Yes, Justin Timberlake (played by Nathan Keyes) was a character in the movie but he was portrayed so blandly that he could have been any hyperactive teenager with good hair. Jason Allen Alexander (Kelly McCabe) shows up just long enough to marry Britney and then be told that the marriage is going to be annulled. Amazingly, Britney’s entire marriage to Kevin Federline (Clayton Chitty) takes place over less than 10 minutes of screen time. Adnan Ghalib (Serge Jaswal) and Sam Lufti (Benjamin Arce) get more attention that Kevin but both of them are portrayed so negatively that they probably wish they hadn’t.

(Adnan and Sam both made the mistake of testifying about Britney in court, meaning that their douchebaggery was a part of the public record and free for Britney Ever After to portray.)

As for Britney’s “rivalry” with Christina Aguilera (which, early in their careers, pretty much defined both of their public personas), it goes unmentioned. Christina is only briefly seen in a long shot. For those of you hoping for any details about the dark side of life at the Mickey Mouse Club, Britney Ever After is not for you. Really, the film’s main problem was one of logistics. Britney Ever After had only 90 minutes to tell the story of a very dramatic and complicated life. If the film felt rushed, that’s because it had a lot to show and not much time to do it.

But, even with all that in mind, Britney Ever After was not the disaster that some seem to believe that it was. In the role of Britney, Natasha Bassett did far better than I was expecting. There were some issues, of course. Her attempt to duplicate Britney’s Southern accent led to her sounding more like Jessica Simpson than Britney Spears. During the film’s early scenes, she seemed almost too innocent to be believed but it quickly became apparent that this was intentional on the film’s part. One of the themes running through the film was how Britney’s image was continually shaped by her parents, her management, and her boyfriends. In the end, Britney is portrayed as having no control over her own life. When Britney suffers a break down in 2007, she’s at least trying to live her own life. When everyone around her panics, are they concerned about her health or are they concerned about her image and their investment in her career? This unanswered question hangs over the final 30 minutes of Britney Ever After. If Natasha Bassett never quite seemed to be Britney, she was still very believable as a character living the exact same life and dealing with the exact same issues.

Plus, there was an enjoyably silly scene where Britney ran into Justin in a club and they had an epic dance off. If only all relationship issues could be solved by a dance off!

That said, I was a bit disappointed that, at no point, was Crossroads mentioned.

(Seriously, a Britney movie with no mention of Crossroads!?)

But give the film some credit. It did a good job of capturing the suffocating experience of being hounded by paparazzi. And the film was even-handed and compassionate when it came to portraying Britney’s 2007 breakdown. Like Britney, I’m bipolar and I’ve always felt that I could understand what she was going through while the rest of the world was finding so much entertainment in her very public struggle. Since 2008, Britney’s father has had conservatorship over her life and control of all of her assets. For nearly ten years, Britney Spears has not been allowed to stand on her own and has essentially made a lot of money for everyone but her. During the documentary segments that provide a wrap-around to the film’s story, Britney Ever After obliquely hints at this sad reality. In those sequences, there’s a sadness to Bassett’s performance, an acknowledgement that Britney has paid a price for public stability.

Britney Ever After was on Britney’s side, which is more than can be said of many other biopics.

#FreeBitney!

Film Review: Boyfriend Killer (dir by Alyn Darnay)

Posted on February 14, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

In the Lifetime film, Boyfriend Killer, there was a brief scene that I really liked and I think it epitomizes why I enjoyed this film and why I watch Lifetime films in general.

In the scene, Sandra Durro (Barbie Castro, who also produced this film) shares a hug with Krystal Kellers (Kate Mansi), her son’s girlfriend. The camera quickly cuts back and forth from Sandra’s face to Krystal’s face and the audience sees that both of them have the same look of irritation and loathing on their face. That really does get to a basic truth. A mom is never going to fully trust her son’s girlfriend. And a girlfriend is always going to suspect that her boyfriend’s mom is judging her.

Of course, Sandra has good reason to not fully trust Krystal. Boyfriend Killer opens with the death of Sandra’s son, Preston. Preston, who was handsome and charismatic and had a great life ahead of him, was killed in a car crash and Sandra suspects that it wasn’t an accident. When Sandra and her friend Carrie (Yancy Butler) are packing up Preston’s things, Krystal suddenly shows up and announces that she wants to help.

From the first minute we meet Krystal, there’s something off about her. She claims to be sad but her grief is almost too theatrical. It’s almost as if all she knows about being sad is what she’s seen in the movies. Add to that, Krystal claims that she and Preston were deeply in love, despite the fact that Preston rarely spoke about her. Krystal always seems to be sneaking around the house, searching for something. When Sandra gets near Preston’s computer, Krystal freaks out. Krystal explains that she and Preston both used that computer so if Sandra touches it, she’ll actually be invading Krystal’s privacy.

Well, what’s a mother to do?

It turns out that things between Preston and Krystal were never as perfect as Krystal claims. In fact, shortly before his death, Preston had told Krystal that he never wanted to see her again. Could that have had something to do with the fact that Krystal tried to convince Preston to kill her ex?

Sandra certainly thinks that it might. However, before Sandra can really pursue her suspicions, she has a funeral to attend, a funeral that Krystal makes all about her. It turns out that Krystal has an announcement to make, one that catches everyone by surprise…

Boyfriend Killer is a fun melodrama, one that pretty much epitomizes everything that we love about Lifetime movies. Barbie Castro is relatable and sympathetic as the grieving mother (you really want her to get justice for her son) and Yancy Butler provides good support as her friend. Kate Mansi, who played a similar role in Unwanted Guest, is a force of nature in the role of Krystal. Krystal is a familiar Lifetime character — the duplicitous temptress — but Mansi plays the role with such determination and drive that Krystal becomes a wonderfully hissable villain. Krystal is less defined by the bad things she does than by her total confidence that she’ll never get caught. You alternate between marveling at how far she’ll go and eagerly anticipating the moment when she gets her comeuppance.

Finally, I have to make special mention of Patrick Muldoon, who plays Sandra’s alcoholic ex-husband. To a certain group of pop culture fanatics, Muldoon will always be known as Jeff, the handsome college student whose smile and killer dance moves inspired Kelly to dump Zack on Saved By The Bell. (Hell, I would have dumped Zack for Jeff. Jeff’s in college, has a great smile, and is a manager at the Maxx. Zack’s in high school and spends all of his time with Screech.) And some are always going to think of Muldoon as being the doomed Zander Barclow in Starship Troopers.

However, over the past few years, Patrick Muldoon has given some seriously good performances. They haven’t gotten the attention that they deserve but he was excellent in both Patient Killer and Deadly Revenge. And he’s excellent here, playing a well-meaning guy who cannot shake his demons. It’s a good and poignant performance, one that elevates the film.

One of the great things about Lifetime is that they constantly rebroadcast all of their movies so keep an eye out for Boyfriend Killer!

A Quickie With Lisa Marie: Deadly Ex (dir by Tom Shell)

Posted on February 14, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

On Sunday night, I watched the premiere of Deadly Ex on the Lifetime Movie Network.

In Deadly Ex, Jason Gerhardt plays Gary. He’s a guy who appears to have a successful life, despite a few regrets. For instance, he gave up his teenage dream of being a lawyer but he’s still managed to do okay for himself. He’s married to Jess (Marguerite Moreau) and his two wonderful, teenage children (Sammi Hanratty and Matt Cornet) but domestic bliss has somehow eluded him. In fact, he’s on the verge of divorce.

How bad is Gary’s marriage? It’s so bad that he leaves his wife and children behind when he goes to his high school reunion! However, that also means that he gets to spend some time catching up with his ex-girlfriend, Valerie (Natasha Henstridge). In turns out that, in high school, Gary wasn’t the best boy friend. He rather callously dumped Valerie. But that was a long time ago and Gary’s changed. He says that he’s sorry and he means it. Valerie tells him that she forgives him and…

Well, this is a Lifetime film. And it’s called Deadly Ex. So you can probably guess that Valerie hasn’t quite forgiven or gotten over Gary. Instead, Valerie follows Gary back to his hometown. She enrolls as a student in Jess’s yoga class. She starts to send gifts to Gary’s house. And, eventually, she shows up with a knife…

Plotwise, Deadly Ex is typical Lifetime fare but it’s distinguished by two things. First off, Natasha Henstridge gives a terrific performance as the insanely driven Valerie. Films like this are only as good as their villains and Henstridge bravely throws herself into her performance. Marguerite Moreau also does a good job, playing a mother who will take any risk to defend her family. Secondly, the final confrontation between Valerie and Jess is extremely well-done and director Tom Shell actually keeps you guessing as to how it’s going to end and who is going to survive.

Finally, Deadly Ex manages to tap into a fantasy that I think everyone has. Who hasn’t wanted to run into their ex and brag about how wonderful their life has been since the break-up? For that matter, who hasn’t wanted to get a chance to put an ex in his place? Me, I’d rather do it with a perfectly timed quip than a knife but I guess that’s just me.

(Also, I should mention that, while watching the film, I was able to totally relate to Gary and Jess’s daughter, Carissa, largely because she had perfected the dismissive “whatever” glance that I’ve been employing since I was 13 years old.)

If you’re into Lifetime movies (and who isn’t, really?), Deadly Ex is one to keep an eye out for.

Film Review: From Straight A’s to XXX (dir by Vanessa Parise)

Posted on February 11, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I just finished watching the latest Lifetime original film, From Straight A’s to XXX.

Like many Lifetime films, it’s based on a true story. In this case, it tells the story of Miriam Weeks (Haley Pullos), who briefly became notorious for paying her tuition to Duke University by appearing in adult films under the name Belle Knox. Her story became notorious because it touched on almost every important cultural issue of the past twenty years. Stuffy pundits acted as if Belle Knox was somehow a sign of the collapse of civilization. The story was regularly held up as a sign that my generation was spoiled and entitled, which was interesting since Miriam wouldn’t have ever made her first movie if college was actually affordable. That’s one issue that, interestingly enough, was rarely brought up in all the discussions about the Duke porn star. If students are having to do pornography to pay for college, shouldn’t the question be why it costs so much to get an education?

As for Belle Knox herself, she became a media celebrity. She was interviewed by people like Piers Morgan and she proved herself to be quite adroit at putting that windbag in his place. Rather than asking for sympathy, Belle defended herself and asked a very important question: why was the stigma of porn on her, as opposed to the men who watched her?

From Straight A’s to XXX does a good job telling Belle’s story. Interestingly enough, it actually goes out of its way to be fair and evenhanded. While the film is on Belle’s side, it doesn’t dismiss those who had concerns about how she was paying her way through college. While Belle is shown defending herself to the media and explaining how her career has empowered her, the film also makes a point to show that not every porn actress is Belle Knox. At one convention, she’s confronted by two veteran porn actresses who point out that they work just as hard as she does but, unlike her, they will never be invited to appear on CNN, suggesting that the only reason anyone cares about her or what she thinks is because of the novelty of her being a student at Duke. And while this may be the most pro-porn film to ever appear on Lifetime, it doesn’t shy away from the dark side of the industry. Belle’s first job is a genuinely disturbing nightmare of abuse and serves as a valuable warning. Make sure you know who you’re working with before you show up for the job. As a producer later explains to Belle, there are professionals and unprofessionals in every industry and porn is no different.

As for Duke University — well, let’s just say that Duke doesn’t come across as looking all that good by the end of From Straight A’s to XXX. With a few notable exceptions, all of the students are portrayed as being rich snobs. When Belle’s secret life is discovered, she finds herself harassed by every man on campus. In one particularly disturbing scene, she returns to her dorm room just to discover that her door has been defaced. When she tries to sleep, drunk frat boys try to break into her room. When she reports that she’s being harassed, she gets little help. Her roommate remains supportive throughout the entire film but otherwise, Duke does not come across well.

From Straight A’s to XXX is well-directed by Vanessa Parise, who has also directed such Lifetime films as Perfect High and The Unauthorized Beverly Hills 90210 Story. Much like The Unauthorized Beverly Hills 90210 Story, From Straight A’s to XXX is a tribute to a strong woman who was ultimately punished for being stronger than others were comfortable with. (That From Straight A’s to XXX was written and directed by women goes a long way to keeping potentially salacious material from becoming sordid.) Haley Pullos is sympathetic as Miriam/Belle and a bearded Judd Nelson does a good job in the role of a porn producer who shows the difference between professionals and unprofessionals in the industry.

Finally, From Straight A’s to XXX ends with Belle becoming a Libertarian activist and that fact alone makes this one of the best Lifetime films of the year so far! You can’t go wrong with any film that ends with a Libertarian political rally.

Film Review: High School Lover (dir by Jerell Rosales)

Posted on February 4, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

So, this is an odd one.

Tonight, I watched the latest Lifetime premiere. The film was called High School Lover and, in many ways, it was a typical Lifetime film. As you might guess from the title, it’s tells the story of a teenage girl who defies her overly protective father and enters into a relationship with an older man. Since it’s never a good idea to defy your parents in a Lifetime film, the older man turns out to be an obsessive psycho, the type who shows up at his ex-girlfriend’s house with a crowbar and demands that she love him.

As I said, typical Lifetime film. Plotwise, this was almost identical to almost every thriller that Lifetime has premiered on Saturday night.

However, there were a few things that set High School Lover apart from something like Killer Coach.

Number one, the obsessive psycho was a movie star. That’s right — Christian Booth (Francois Arnaud) is a celebrity. He’s such a celebrity that, at one point, his teenage girlfriend is upset when she reads an article in US Weekly that claims that Christian is getting back together with his ex. And yet, for a celebrity who is well-known enough to appear on the cover of US Weekly, it was remarkable just how much Christian was able to do without anyone noticing. For instance, if Justin Bieber showed up at someone’s house with a crowbar and started breaking all the windows, you can be sure that the paparazzi would be right behind him, taking pictures and shouting out questions. If Ryan Gosling picked up a teenager in a limo and then flew her around in his own private helicopter, you imagine that it would at least be mentioned on TMZ. Yet, somehow, superfamous Christian Booth is able to do all of this without anyone noticing.

This leads me to suspect that Christian may not have been human. Though it’s never specifically stated, I suspect that Christian may have been a vampire, an alien, or a time traveler. He had to have some sort of mystical power to get away with everything that he did.

Secondly, this film was not only executive produced by James Franco but it also starred Franco as well! What’s strange is that this wasn’t a parody like A Deadly Adoption or Franco’s previous Lifetime film, the remake of Mother, May I Sleep With Danger? Instead, this was a totally typical Lifetime movie with James Franco in the role that would usually be played by a former cast member of One Tree Hill.

And yet, James Franco fit right in. He gets to flash his winning smile and there’s a scene where he shows off some dance moves that deserves to be put in the Hall of Fame of Fearless Franco Moments. Watching the film, one gets the feeling that James Franco woke up one day and said to himself, “I want to make some movies for Lifetime just because.” And that’s what he proceeded to do! And let’s give some credit where credit is due. Instead of slumming his way through the film, James Franco gave a good and sincere performance, as did Paulina Singer in the role of his daughter.

Anyway, if it sounds like I’m struggling to be objective when it comes to reviewing this film, you’re right. I love Lifetime melodrama and, though Arleigh likes to make fun of me for this, I love James Franco too. And really, that’s the best review that I can give you. If you like Lifetime movies and/or James Franco, you’ll like High School Lover.

It’s just an odd little movie. When I get around to writing my study of the career and accomplishments of Mr. James Franco, High School Lover will, at the very least, get a chapter or two.

2016 in Review: The Best of Lifetime

Posted on January 8, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today, I continue my look back at the year 2016 with the best of Lifetime! Below, you’ll find my nominations for the best Lifetime films and performances of 2016! Winners are starred and listed in bold!

Best Picture
Bad Sister, produced by Robert Ballo, Timothy O. Johnson, Rukmani Jones, Ken Sanders
The Cheerleader Murders, produced by Sharon Bordas, Arthur Edmonds III, Hannah Pillemer, Fernando Szew, Jennifer Westin
Girl in the Box, produced by Stephen Kemp, Charles Tremayne, Thomas Vencelides
Inspired to Kill, produced by Johnson Chan, Michael Fiefer, Douglas Howell, Stephanie Rennie, Vincet Reppert, Nathan Schwab, Tammana Shah, Shawn Tira
Manson’s Lost Girls, produced by Nancy Bennett, Kyle A. Clark, Lawrence Ducceschi, Joan Harrison, Jonathan Koch, Stephen Kronish, Steven Michaels, Lina Wong
Mommy’s Little Girl, produced by Tom Berry, Steve Boisvert, Neil Bregman, Cinthia Burke, Christine Conradt, Curtis Crawford, Pierre David, Donald M. Osborne, Andrew E. Pecs
*A Mother’s Escape, produced by Sharon Bordas, Lori Bell Leahy, Michael Leahy, Kristofer McNeeley, Fernando Szew
My Sweet Audrina, produced by Dan Angel, David Calvert-Jones, Harvey Kahn, Kane Lee, Tom Mazza, Mike Rohl, Jane Startz
The Night Stalker, produced by Matthew R. Brady, Patrick G. Ingram, Michel Rangel, Alisa Tager
The Wrong Car, produced by Mark Donadio, Miriam Marcus, Molly Martin, Michael O’Neil

Best Director
Doug Campbell for Bad Sister
Megan Griffiths for The Night Stalker
*Blair Hayes for A Mother’s Escape
David Jackson for The Cheerleader Murders
Leslie Libman for Manson’s Lost Girls
Mike Rohl for My Sweet Audrina

Best Actress
*Tara Buck in A Mother’s Escape
India Eisley in My Sweet Audrina
MacKenzie Mauzy in Manson’s Lost Girls
Alyshia Ochse in Bad Sister
Karissa Lee Staples in Inspired To Kill
Addison Timlin in Girl in the Box

Best Actor
Zane Holtz in Girl in the Box
Lou Diamond Phillips in The Night Stalker
*Eric Roberts in Stalked By My Doctor: The Return
Antonio Sabato, Jr in Inspired To Kill
Jason-Shane Scott in The Wrong Roommate
Jeff Ward in Manson’s Lost Girls

Best Supporting Actress
*Toni Atkins in My Sweet Audrina
Eden Brolin in Manson’s Lost Girls
Zoe De Grande Maison in Pregnant at 17
Beth Grant in A Mother’s Escape
Ryan Newman in Bad Sister
Zelda Williams in Girl in the Box

Best Supporting Actor
Blake Berris in Wrong Swipe
Rogan Christopher in Pregnant at 17
*Rhett Kidd in The Wrong Car
Christian Madsen in Manson’s Lost Girls
William McNamara in The Wrong Roommate
James Tupper in My Sweet Audrina

Best Screenplay
Bad Sister, Barbara Kymlicka
*The Cheerleader Murders, Matt Young
Girl in the Box, Stephen Kemp
Mommy’s Little Girl, Christine Conradt
A Mother’s Escape, Mike Bencivenga, Blair Hayes, Kristofer McNeeley
My Sweet Audrina, Scarlett Lacey

Best Cinematography
The Cheerleader Murders, Denis Maloney
Mommy’s Little Girl, Bill St. John
*A Mother’s Escape, Samuel Calvin
My Sweet Audrina, James Liston
The Night Stalker, Quyen Tran
The Wrong Car, Terrence Hayes

Best Costuming
Girl in the Box, Barb Cardoso, Tania Pedro
Manson’s Lost Girls, Dorothy Amos
*My Sweet Audrina, Farnaz Khaki-Sadigh
The Night Stalker, Rebecca Luke
The Red Dress, Sophie Pace
Toni Braxton: Unbreak My Heart, Mary McLeod

Best Editing
The Cheerleader Murders, Eric Potter
Girl in the Box, Julian Hart
Manson’s Lost Girls, Josh Hegard
*A Mother’s Escape, Travis Graalman
My Sweet Audrina, Charles Robichaud
The Night Stalker, Celia Beasley

Best Makeup and Hairstyling
Girl in the Box, Claudia Breckenridge, Jen Fisher, Oriana Rossi, Alex Rotundo, Collette Tolen
Killing Mommy, Cinthia Burke, Christie Capustinsky, Kevin Crawley, Kirsten Fairfield, Margaret Harding-Crawley, Corey J. Stone
*Manson’s Lost Girls, Jenni Brown Greenberg, Randi Mavestrand, Kelly Muldoon, Natalie Thimm
A Mother’s Escape, Jenny Hausam, Toni Mario
My Sweet Audrina, Alannah Bilodeau
Toni Braxton: Unbreak My Heart, Tara Hadden-Watts, Alexandra Holmes

Best Original Score
911 Nightmare, David Findlay
*The Cheerleader Murders, Cladue Foisy
Inspired To Kill, Brandon Jarrett
A Mother’s Escape, Todd Haberman
My Sweet Audrina, Graeme Coleman
The Wrong Car, Ed Grenga

Best Production Design
Bad Sister, Lia Burton, Danielle Lee
Girl in the Box, Andrew Berry, Jere Sallee
*Manson’s Lost Girls, Cynthia E. Hill, Linda Spheeris
A Mother’s Escape, Zackary Steven Graham
My Sweet Audrina, Tink, Janessa Hitsman
Toni Braxton: Unbreak My Heart, James Robbins, Courtney Stockstad, Amanda Christmas

Best Sound
*Center Stage: On Pointe
The Cheerleader Murders
Honeymoon from Hell
I Have Your Children
Inspired to Kill
Toni Braxton: Unreak My Heart

Best Visual Effects
Final Destiny
*Flashback
House of Darkness
The Inherited
Little Girl’s Secret
The Watcher

Congratulations to all the nominees and thank you for keeping us entertained in 2016!

Want to see my picks for the best of Lifetime in 2015? Click here!

And if you want to see my picks from 2014, click here!

Tomorrow, I’ll continue my look back at 2016 with the 16 worst films of the year!

Previous Entries In The Best of 2016:

What Lisa Watched Last Night #161: Under The Bed (dir by Daniel Myrick)

Posted on January 8, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched the latest Lifetime premiere film, Under the Bed!

Why Was I Watching It?

Well, there were a few reasons why I watched it. First off, it was on Lifetime and, by this point, it’s kind of a tradition around these parts that I always live tweet every Lifetime premiere. Secondly, I watched it so that I could write this review. After all, it’s a new year and that means that it’s time for a new set of What Lisa Watched Last Night reviews!

Add to that, the film had the word “bed” in the title so I assumed there would be a lot of sex.

What Was It About?

It’s yet another Lifetime stalker film! This one, which is apparently based on a true story, features Hannah New as Callie Monroe. Callie’s an acclaimed journalist who has a beautiful home, a cute dog, and absolutely no love life. She’s just broken up with her longtime boyfriend and its going to take more than winning a Pulitzer for her article about climbing Kilimanjaro to fill the void in her life!

What Callie doesn’t know is that there’s a man (played by Pat Healy) living underneath her bed. Seriously. He’s broken into her apartment. He’s put secret cameras all over the place. And he is now literally living underneath her bed, from which he regularly sends her messages.

Say it with me now — Agck!

What Worked?

Under the Bed was directed by Daniel Myrick, who co-directed the original Blair Witch Project. There were a few effectively creepy scenes in the movie. I mean, just the idea of having a stranger living with you in your bedroom without your knowledge is creepy in and of itself. You could probably argue that the success or failure of this film depended on whether or not it inspired you to look underneath your bed after watching it. I know I did.

Hannah New gives a good and sympathetic performance as Callie and Pat Healy is appropriately frightening as her stalker. Beverly D’Angelo also provides some good support as Callie’s mother.

What Did Not Work?

(Spoiler Alert)

Freddy the Dog dies. Freddy is an adorable little dog that Callie owns. Unlike his owner, Freddy understands that there’s a man living underneath the bed. So, one day, the man puts Freddy in a bag and buries him alive. And we see all of this happen and, quite frankly, it’s too much. First off, there was no reason to kill Freddy. Secondly, the burial scenes ends on a somewhat ambiguous note so you’re not really sure whether or not Freddy was fully buried or not. I spent the entire final hour of the film waiting for Freddy to suddenly show up and it really depressed me when he didn’t.

There’s more to the thing with Freddy than just the fact that I don’t like scenes of animal cruelty. The scene itself didn’t only feel unnecessary but it also felt incredibly mean-spirited as well. If you want to kill the dog that badly, have him dragged off-screen and do the little whimper thing. Instead, by having us watch as Freddy’s buried alive, it felt like the film was saying, “Look how edgy we are! We killed the dog!” It felt terribly out-of-place and it soured me on the entire film.

It also didn’t help that the stalker was so obvious about what he was doing that, pretty soon, you started to resent Callie for being so naive. When Callie finally discovered her stalker and started to fight back, it never felt empowering. Instead, I was just kinda like, “Well, it’s good that you’re finally aware of what’s going on in your apartment but this could have all been avoided if you had just happened to glance under your bed once or twice over the past week.”

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

In some ways, I could relate to Callie but — and this is the important thing — I know I don’t have to worry about anyone living underneath my bed because, between all of my scrapbooks and old magazines, there’s no room under there.

(That said, Doc Bowman does enjoy hanging out underneath my bed but I’m pretty sure he can be trusted.)

Lessons Learned

Be kind to animals, dammit.

Cleaning Out The DVR Yet Again #32: Sister Cities (dir by Sean Hanish)

Posted on December 5, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Lisa recently discovered that she only has about 8 hours of space left on her DVR! It turns out that she’s been recording movies from July and she just hasn’t gotten around to watching and reviewing them yet. So, once again, Lisa is cleaning out her DVR! She is going to try to watch and review 52 movies by the end of Wednesday, December 7th! Will she make it? Keep checking the site to find out!)

Sister Cities originally aired on Lifetime on September 17th. When it first aired, I was really expecting to like it just because it’s a movie about four sisters and I’m the youngest of four sisters. Add to that, one of the sisters was named Dallas and Dallas is my city. Seriously, I seemed destined to like Sister Cities.

But then I actually saw the film. And I have to admit that, for the first hour or so, I felt a little bit guilty about not liking the film. It may have been a painfully slow film but I figured that it deserved some credit for at least trying to take the time for the viewers to get to know the four sisters. As well, I couldn’t deny that casting did a good job when it came to selecting the four lead actresses. You looked at them and they all had enough features and mannerisms in common that you could actually believe that they were related.

In the film, the four sisters gather together after the suicide of their mother (played, in flashbacks, by both Amy Smart and Jacki Weaver). The sisters all have their own distinct personalities and, for some reason, three of them are named after cities.

For instance, the youngest sister is named Baltimore (Troian Bellisario). She’s a free-spirit who does what she wants. Now, my boyfriend is from Baltimore. I have friends who live in Baltimore. I’ve visited Baltimore and I loved it. But I would not name my daughter Baltimore because Baltimore is a great name for a city but it’s a terribly clunky one for a human being. If I was going to pick a city to name my daughter after, I’d probably go with Savannah or maybe Charlotte. Or, for that matter, maybe Ardglass. But not Baltimore.

Then there’s Dallas (Michelle Trachtenberg), who is the super organized and neat sister. She’s the one who gets taunted for always wearing matching underwear but seriously, what’s wrong with that? At least Dallas gets a pretty name.

Austin (Jess Wexler) has a pretty name too. We’re told that she’s a successful writer. We never believe it for a second. Austin lived with her mother and she’s the one who called the other sisters back home. Austin is as close as the film comes to having a central character.

And then there’s Carolina (Stana Katic), who is the oldest. She’s a lawyer and she’s angry because her mother named her after one of the Carolinas but never clarified which one.

To be honest, it’s a bit too much. The sisters are all exaggerated types. The mother is an exaggerated type. They all have cutesy names. The nonstop theatrical quirkiness of it all is very off-putting and it doesn’t help that the film’s first hour is painfully slow. There’s a few attempts at dark humor but it’s never as insightful or affecting as it seems to think it is.

Then we get to the second hour and the film remains painfully slow but it also turns into a rather strident screed about assisted suicide. Eventually, the whole film comes down to an extended flashback of a beatific-looking Jacki Weaver smiling as she calmly explains that Austin will have to help her commit suicide because she’s the only sister who is emotionally strong enough to handle it. It was all so manipulative and heavy-handed that I ended up getting so annoyed that I took off my shoes and nearly threw them at the TV.

Sorry, Baltimore.

Sorry, Dallas.

Sorry, Austin.

Sorry, Carolina.

Cleaning Out The DVR Yet Again #29: A Mother’s Escape (dir by Blair Hayes)

Posted on December 4, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Lisa recently discovered that she only has about 8 hours of space left on her DVR! It turns out that she’s been recording movies from July and she just hasn’t gotten around to watching and reviewing them yet. So, once again, Lisa is cleaning out her DVR! She is going to try to watch and review 52 movies by the end of Tuesday, December 6th! Will she make it? Keep checking the site to find out!)

A Mother’s Escape aired on Lifetime Movie Network on July 21st, 2016.

Reportedly based on a true story, A Mother’s Escape tells a story that, on its surface, should be familiar to anyone who has ever watched a Lifetime film. After an argument with her abusive husband, Murel (Tara Buck) grabs her young son, Kipp (Spencer Mabrey), jumps in a car, and takes off in search of a better life. When we first meet them, they’re driving through Oklahoma. They stop at the house of Murel’s mother, Tess (Beth Grant).

From the minute that we first see Murel and Kipp, we feel like they know them. Both Tara Buck and Spencer Mabrey inhabit these roles so completely that it’s easy to forget that we’re watching actors performing from a script. Refreshingly, the film makes not attempt to idealize Murel. She’s frequently immature and occasionally self-centered but the ultimately, she’s defined by her love for her son. When she briefly talks to her husband on the phone, Murel is briefly tempted to return to him. Like so many victims of abuse, she fears that she might not deserve better. Fortunately, Tess is there to bluntly tell her that she does deserve better.

And so does Kipp.

Though her husband is not Kipp’s biological father, he did adopt him when he and Murel married. After Murel leaves, he accuses her of kidnapping her own son. Now, Murel must keep Kipp safe while also trying to avoid capture.

As I said, this might sound like a typical Lifetime film. However, it doesn’t feel like a typical Lifetime film. It moves at its own slow but steady pace, taking the time to allow us to get to know both Murel and Kipp. As Kipp, Spencer Mabrey is refreshingly non-cutesy while Tara Buck gives an almost heart-breakingly poignant performance as his imperfect but loving mom. As an added bonus, this film features some hauntingly beautiful shots of the Oklahoma landscape.

Though it may require some patience, A Mother’s Escape is one of the best Lifetime films that I’ve seen in a while.

Cleaning Out The DVR Yet Again #27 and #28: Who Killed JonBenet? (dir by Jason Lapyre) and JonBenet’s Mother: Victim or Killer (dir by Siobhan Walshe)

Posted on December 4, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Lisa recently discovered that she only has about 8 hours of space left on her DVR! It turns out that she’s been recording movies from July and she just hasn’t gotten around to watching and reviewing them yet. So, once again, Lisa is cleaning out her DVR! She is going to try to watch and review 52 movies by the end of Tuesday, December 6th! Will she make it? Keep checking the site to find out!)

On November 5th, Lifetime aired a film about the murder of six year-old JonBenet Ramsey, Who Killed JonBenet? They followed this film with a documentary called JonBenet’s Mother: Victim or Killer? I did not watch the films when they originally aired, largely because, much like Girl In The Box and Cleveland Abduction, the subject matter sounded way too disturbing to me. Instead, I just recorded them and, for a few weeks, both programs sat unwatched on my DVR.

Until earlier today, that is!

I watched both of them and then I quickly deleted both of them as well. And now I’m going to write a few words about them. In fact, I’m going to try to devote as little time as possible to these films.

Normally, I’m the first one to defend Lifetime and their movies. If you’re a regular reader of this site, you know how much I love Lifetime movies. I love them for the exact same reason that most people claim to disdain them. It’s rare that I ever see a Lifetime film that I can’t enjoy or, at the very least, defend.

But, seriously, Who Killed JonBenet? was such a misfire that I barely know where to begin. In many ways, it’s a typical true crime film. Suspects are identified. Detectives find themselves caring about the case … TOO MUCH! It ends on a note of surface ambiguity that’s deceptive because the film all but comes out and accuses Patsy Ramsey of murdering her daughter.

That thing that sets Who Killed JonBenet? apart is that the film is narrated by JonBenet Ramsey, who is apparently speaking to use beyond the grave. JonBenet tells us that she’ll always be six. And she tells us that one of the detectives is a nice lady. And it’s such an icky technique that it pretty much makes the entire film nearly unwatchable. Every time that we hear that cloying little voiceover, we’re reminded of two things: 1) this film is based on the real life rape and murder of a six year-old and 2) this movie was made specifically to exploit that event. In the end, you feel guilty for watching the damn movie in the first place.

Seeing as how Who Killed JonBenet? basically accuses Patsy Ramsey of murder, it’s interesting that it was immediately followed up by JonBenet’s Mother: Victim or Killer? JonBenet’s Mother explores Patsy’s life and pretty much comes to the conclusion that, while Patsy may have been a bit odd, she did not kill her daughter. If anything, the documentary shows that Patsy was largely the victim of a vicious media.

Like, to name just one example, Who Killed JonBenet?

Anyway, let us never speak of these two movies again. When I think of a Lifetime movie, I’d much rather think of Confessions of Go Go Girl.