14 Days of Paranoia #5: Bloodknot (dir by Jorge Montesi)


In 1995’s Bloodknot, we are introduced to a grieving family.

Evelyn (Margot Kidder) and Arthur (Allan Royal) are mourning the death of their oldest son, who was in the military and who died during a military operation in the Middle East.  Their other son, Tom (Patrick Dempsey), spends his time working on cars and helping out local racecar driver Mike (Craig Sheffer).  Youngest daughter Gail (Ashleigh Ann Wood) doesn’t really have much of a personality but she’s definitely worried about her mother.

Suddenly, Connie (Kate Vernon) shows up in town.  Wearing a uniform that is slightly too large for her, Connie claims that she served with Evelyn’s dead son and that they eventually became more than just friends.  That’s strange, Evelyn says, he never mentioned you.  Connie replies that she encouraged him to write more but, for whatever reason, he didn’t.  Everyone agrees that what’s important now is that Connie has introduced herself to the family.  Soon, Connie is living at the mansion and making flirtatious eye contact with both Arthur and Tom.  One might expect Evelyn to be concerned about this but instead, Evelyn is too busy walking around in a depressed daze and blaming her “sinful” past for all the recent tragedy.

You probably already guessed that Connie is not who she says she is.  Indeed, Connie has come to the family with an agenda of her own.  She’s looking for vengeance and I won’t spoil it by revealing what she’s upset about but I will say that it’s fairly dumb and makes less sense the more that you think about it.  Tom’s girlfriend, Julie (Krista Bridges), suspects that Connie is a liar but can she prove it?  Julie even talks to the officer from whom Connie stole her uniform after Connie met and seduced her at a bar.  Why would Connie, who seems to be willing to kill anyone, leave that one person alive?  Obviously, it’s so Julie can learn the truth but still, it’s an oversight on Connie’s part that makes little sense.

(Julie isn’t a very interesting character but she does get to wear a really nice pair of boots so at least she’s got that going for her.)

Looking at the members of this film’s cast — Patrick Dempsey, Craig Sheffer, Kate Vernon — and you have to wonder if someone specifically said, “Let’s make an paranoia-themed, erotic thriller with the least interesting actors of the 90s.”  (Yes, Dempsey got better but, in this film, he was still doing the goofy awkward thing.)  This film goes through all the usual steps.  Connie starts out as being friendly and then progressively reveals herself to be more and more unhinged.  The men are reduced to stuttering incoherence by the sight of Connie smiling at them.  For this type of film to work, the actors have to be fully willing to embrace the melodrama but instead, both Kate Vernon and Patrick Dempsey give oddly lowkey performances, with Vernon’s attempt at a seductive smile instead coming across like a smirk that should have clued everyone in to the fact that she was not to be trusted.  If you’re appearing in a film like this, you should at least have a little fun.  As for Craig Sheffer, he’s as mind-numbingly dull as ever.

The film does improve a bit towards the end, largely because Connie’s secret reason for harassing the family is so implausible that it can’t help but be a bit entertaining to listen to the characters discuss it.  Overall, though, this was pretty boring.  Let this film be a lesson to all — embrace the melodrama!

Previous entries in 2025’s 14 Days Of Paranoia:

  1. The Fourth Wall (1969)
  2. Extreme Justice (1993)
  3. The Lincoln Conspiracy (1977)
  4. Conspiracy (2007)

Retro Television Review: T and T 3.3 “Halfway to Nowhere”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990.  The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, Terri and Turner take down the loathsome head of a halfway house.

Episode 3.3 “Halfway to Nowhere”

(Dir by Don McCutcheon, originally aired January 20th, 1990)

Roman (Louis Ferreira) is an angry young man who is on parole and who has been living at a halfway house that is run by Eddy (Danny Pawlick).  When Roman discovers that Eddy has been harassing Roman’s girlfriend, Sissy (Krista Bridges), Roman attacks Eddy.  Eddy kicks Roman out of the halfway house and attempts to have him sent back to prison.

Terri just happens to be in the police station when Roman is brought in and, just like Amy used to do before her mysterious disappearance, Terri declares herself to be Roman’s attorney.  (One gets the feeling that the show’s producers just crossed out Amy’s name on a bunch of scripts and wrote in “Terri.”)  Roman turns out to be a terrible client who refuses to talk to anyone, including the attorney who is trying to keep him out of jail.  Terri finally calls up T.S. Turner and asks him for help.

Turner’s reaction is to growl about how late it is.

Seriously, what’s going on with Turner this season?  He’s in an even worse mood than usual.  Maybe he’s mad because Amy has mysteriously vanished without explanation.  After all, Turner owed Amy.  Amy was the one who got him out of prison.  It made sense that Turner would always be willing to drop everything to help out Amy.  Terri is just some random lawyer who has shown up out of nowhere.

Terri, it should be said, is not a very good lawyer.  At the parole hearing, she puts Eddy on the stand and asks him a bunch of questions, despite not having a clue as to how Eddy is going to respond.  She also dramatically announces that she will be calling Sissy as a witness before she knows whether or not Sissy has agreed to testify.  When Turner steps into the courtroom without Sissy and shakes his head because Sissy refuses to testify, Terri is forced to walk back her words.  I doubt that parole board appreciated that and they probably took their frustration out on Terri’s client.

In the end, Sissy does agree to wear a wire and Eddy stupidly talks about all the crimes that he’s committed as the head of a halfway house.  Eddy ends up getting arrested and Sissy and Roman are reunited briefly.  That said, it appears that Roman is still going to go back to jail because Terri is a terrible attorney.

On the plus side, this episode featured one of the most loathsome villains to ever show up on T&T and it was satisfying to watch Terri and Turner take him down.  On the other hand, it would have been even more satisfying if Terri wasn’t terrible at her job and if Turner didn’t seem to be annoyed by even having to be in her presence.  This episode was a mixed bag but at least it looked like Eddy was going away for a long time.

Horror On TV: The Hitchhiker 6.2 “Tough Guys Don’t Whine” (dir by Jorge Montesi)


Let’s give some credit to whoever came up with the title of tonight’s episode of The Hitchhiker!

In this episode, Alan Thicke plays a skeevy movie director who likes to pretend to be a tough guy.  When he hooks up with the girlfriend of a genuine tough guy, the director discovers that he’s not quite as streetwiswe as he thought he was.  The Hitchhiker doesn’t seem to have much sympathy for anyone involved.

This episode originally aired on September 28th, 1990.

Horror on TV: The Hitchhiker 5.22 “Cruelest Cut” (dir by Michael Robison)


Tonight’s episode of The Hitchhiker features Melody Anderson and David James Elliott as, respectively, a veteran prostitute and a polite young man who seems to be the rare honest person that the guy with the lantern was always looking for.  However, someone also happens to be killing men who talk to prostitutes.

This episode originally aired on November 18th, 1989.

Film Review: Left Behind: The Movie (dir by Vic Sarin)


As I watched the 2000 film Left Behind: The Movie (not to be confused with the remake starring Nicolas Cage), I found myself thinking about names.

For instance, if your name is Rayford Steele, you really probably don’t have any choice but to become a pilot and maybe star in a low-budget action movie.  I mean, let’s just be honest.  People with names like Rayford Steele don’t end up working the night shift at 7-11.  In Left Behind, Rayford Steele is played by Bad Johnson and Johnson has just the right look to play a character named Rayford Steele.  He’s handsome in a somewhat old-fashioned, Gary Cooperish sort of way.

And yes, Rayford is a pilot.  He had a wife who resents the fact that Rayford is always flying off and abandoning his family.  She goes to church and she worries that he’s not a believer.  Rayford, meanwhile, is having an affair with flight attendant Hattie Dunham (Chelsea Noble).  That affair, however, may have to soon come to an end because Hattie has a new job with the UN.  Poor Hattie.  Nothing good ever comes from working at the UN!

Just as anyone named Rayford Steele would have to become a pilot, I imagine that anyone named Buck Williams would have to become a globe-trotting journalist.  We’re told that Buck is one of the most famous and successful journalists in the world.  Someone even mentions that Buck is so brave that he would have reported from Hiroshima while the first atomic bomb was being dropped.  (I assume that would have been a fairly short broadcast.)  Unfortunately, it’s a bit of a struggle to buy Buck Williams as a crusading journalist because he’s played by Kirk Cameron.  Buck is described as being tough and cynical.  There’s absolutely nothing tough about Kirk Cameron.  At his best, he projects an earnest blandness.  At his worst, he reminds you that he’s the guy who, years after starring in this film, would claim that a conspiracy of atheists was responsible for Saving Christmas receiving bad reviews.

Finally, if your name is Nicolae Carpathia, you’re pretty much destined to grow up to be very wealthy and also very evil.  You’re not going to end up living in the suburbs, mowing your own lawn and complaining about property taxes.  No, with a name like Nicolae Carpathia, you’re destined to end up using your position at the UN to take over the world.  When you declare that your goal is to lead the world into “seven years of peace,” everyone knows that you’re planning on doing the exact opposite.

Or, at the very least, everyone should know.  As played by Gordon Currie, Nicolae Carpathia is obviously evil from the minute he first appears.  (Even if you didn’t know his name, you would think he was evil just from the way he smirks.)  However, in the world of Left Behind, almost everyone loves Nicolae Carpathia.  When thousands of people mysteriously vanish, all at the same time, Carpathia is the person to whom humanity turns their tear-brimmed eyes.  The viewers know that it’s the Rapture and Rayford Steele and Buck Williams come to realize that it was the Rapture but Carpathia sees it as an opportunity to lead humanity into a …. dare I say it? …. new world order.

Left Behind is an odd film.  For the most part, it’s a fairly ludicrous film, a low-budget and excessively preachy attempt to create a religious epic on a Wal-Mart budget.  Kirk Cameron is miscast as a journalist and the film’s special effects are so obviously cheap that one can’t help but feel the filmmakers got a bit too ambitious for their own good.  (Just check out the scene at the start of the film when Buck Williams reports while “bombs” explode all around him.)  With a running time of one hour and 40 minutes, the film drags a bit and the characters are often frustratingly dense.  (Even non-evangelicals have, at the very least, heard that there’s a thing called the Rapture.)  And yet, occasionally, there will be moments when the film actually comes close to working.  Brad Johnson, for instance, gives about as good a performance as anyone could as Rayford Steele.  The scene where Carpathia manipulates a subordinate into committing suicide may not be terrible original but it’s still surprisingly effective.

Despite the fact that the film itself barely made a profit, Left Behind would go on to spawn two sequels.  We’ll look at the first, Tribulation Force, in 15 minutes.  Hope to see you then!

Cleaning Out The DVR: A Killer In My Home (dir by Farhad Mann)


When the lockdown was first announced down here in Texas, my initial reaction was, “Well, at least I can clean out my DVR now….”

Unfortunately, it didn’t really work out like that.  First off, I got caught up trying to work my way through my collection of DVDs and Blu-rays.  Then, I ended up getting distracted by my efforts to binge my way through The Sopranos, Oz, and Deadwood.  And suddenly, here we are!  It’s nearly June.  The lockdown is in the process of ending.  And I’ve barely made a dent on working my way through the 230 programs that I have on my DVR.

Earlier today, I decided to finally get to work by watching the Lifetime film, A Killer In My Home.  A Killer In My Home originally aired on the Lifetime Movie Network back in February.  I was on vacation at the time so my wonderful sister was nice enough to record it for me.  Watching it was an interesting experience, just because there weren’t any COVID-19-themed commercials.  Instead, there were a ton of commercials for Tom Steyer and Mike Bloomberg.  I mean, seriously — whenever you think about how bad 2020 may be right now, just remember that, even before everything shut down, we had to spend a month and a half dealing with the Tom and Mike charm offensive.

As for the film itself, it tells the story of Allison Wright (Bree Williamson) and her daughter, Hollie (Hannah Vandenbygaart).  Allison and Hollie appear to have the perfect life.  Not only do they live in a huge house but Hollie appears to have the perfect future ahead of her.  Soon, she’ll graduate high school, get a nice car, and go to a good college.  But then, Allison’s husband and Hollie’s father suffers a heart attack!  While he’s dying in the hospital, he’s visited by Jenna Fallon (Krista Bridges) and her withdrawn son, Joshua (Percy Hynes White).  When Allison demands to know why Jenna is visiting her dying husband, Jenna explains that she had an affair with Allison’s husband and Joshua was the result.  Apparently, Allison’s husband spent years visiting and financially supporting Jenna and Joshua.  Now that he’s dead, Jenna and Joshua have no one left to provide for them.

Now, if you were Allison, what would you do in this situation?

Would you say, “Tough shit, you whore.  Get out of here and take that bastard with you!”

Or

Would you say, “Why don’t you come live in our guest house?”

Now, to the film’s credit, Allison’s initial reaction is to tell Jenna and Joshua to go away.  However, a few weeks later, Allison has a change of heart and she allows Jenna and Joshua to move into the guest house.  Jenna and her son are supposed to stay away from the main house and out of Allison and Hollie’s lives.  Needless to say, things don’t work out like that.

Soon, strange things start to happen.  There’s a break-in at the house.  Despite her efforts to ignore him, Joshua still tries to talk his half-sister.  Jenna starts to throw biker-populated parties at the guest house.  Despite the fact that she claims to have no money, Jenna is able to buy her son an expensive jeep.  Allison comes to realize what we realized from the beginning: Jenna has sinister motives of her own!  The only question is whether or not Joshua shares those motives or if he’s just a pawn trapped in a game he didn’t intend to play.

A Killer In My Home is okay.  If I’m not as enthusiastic about it as I am about other Lifetime films, it’s because I never believed that Allison would 1) allow Jenna to stay in the guest house and 2) allow her to continue to stay in the guest house even after it became obvious that some seriously strange stuff was going on.  Allison lost my sympathy by doing that.  However, I did really like Krista Bridges’s performance as the unstable Jenna and I though Hannah Vandenbygaart gave a good and sympathetic performance as the daughter who is basically just sick of dealing with the adults in her life.  I could definitely relate.

Finally, the house was nice.  Lifetime movies always feature the nicest houses and A Killer In My Home featured one of the best!

Lifetime Movie Review: Homekilling Queen (dir by Alexandre Carrière)


Poor Whitney Manning!

As the central character of the Lifetime film, Homekilling Queen, Whitney (played by Kaitlyn Bernard) only wants one thing.  She wants to be homecoming queen!  And really, why shouldn’t she be?  She believes that she’s the most popular girl in the entire school, despite the fact that no one actually seems to like her.  Add to that, she’s rich and serving as homecoming queen is practically a family tradition!  Her mother, Connie (Ashley Jones), was homecoming queen.  So was her grandmother, Evelyn (Jennifer Dale).  Both Connie and Evelyn are determined that Whitney will be the next homecoming queen.  Connie’s even taught her how to do a proper pageant wave.

How determined is Whitney?  She’s so determined that, over the summer, she even murdered one of her rivals!  That’s determination!

Still, things are never quite as easy as they should be.  For instance, Whitney may think that she has the election all sewn up but Natasha Hart (Kayleigh Shikanai) feels differently.  Natasha is sick of the school being run by mean girls like Whitney.  Natasha decides that she’s going to run against Whitney!

At first, Whitney is dismissive of Natasha and her campaign.  Everyone knows that Natasha had a drug problem in the past.  Apparently, she drove her car into the bleachers while high on oxy.  (This automatically makes Natasha cooler than anyone I went to high school with.)  However, Natasha is now clean and sober and looking to make the world a better place.  To Whitney’s shock, Natasha starts to pick up support for her campaign.  Even after Whitney sends everyone in school a nude picture that’s been photoshopped to look like Natasha, Natasha’s campaign continues to build momentum.

Well, if photoshopped nudes won’t knock Natasha out of the race, how about planting drugs on her?  And if Whitney has to murder someone to get those drugs …. well, that’s politics.

It’s an interesting film.  On the one hand, you’re supposed to dislike Whitney, Connie, and Evelyn.  And it is true that Whitney does commit a murder or two.  On the other hand, they’re all so determined to win that homecoming election that you can’t help but admire the level of their dedication.  If it means giving students gifts to win their vote, Whitney’s willing to do it.  If it means seducing the school’s creepy principal to keep her daughter from being disqualified, Connie’s going to do just that.  Kaitlyn Bernard, Ashley Jones, and Jennifer Dale all really dig into their roles and do a great job at capturing the unhinged obsessiveness of their characters.  Jennifer Dale is especially a marvel as the coldy pragmatic Evelyn.  When she glares at anyone who would stand in her granddaughter’s way, you’re left with no doubt that Evelyn is not someone who you would want to mess with.  She’s scary but you would definitely want her to have your back in a confrontation.

Also doing a good job were Kayleigh Shikanai and Krista Bridges, who were perfectly cast as mother and daughter.  Every scene between them rang true and, watching them, I was reminded of the way that my mom and I would relate to each other.  They brought an unexpected sense of reality to a film that could have otherwise just been an enjoyably over-the-top melodrama.

Homekilling Queen was a lot of fun and, given the number of times that Lifetime rebroadcasts all of their films over the year, it’s one to keep an eye out for.

Lisa Cleans Out Her DVR: Sometimes The Good Kill (dir by Philippe Gagnon)


(Hi!  I’m currently in the process of cleaning out my DVR!  Hopefully, I’ll be done before the next Congressional special election but it’s going to be a close one!  Anyway, I recorded Sometimes The Good Kill off of Lifetime on May 13th!)

I have to admit that when I saw the title of this one, my first thought was, “Since when is Lifetime doing Spaghetti westerns?”  I mean seriously, Sometimes The Good Kill is one of those titles that would be perfect for a Franco Nero or a Tomas Milian (or maybe even a Terrence Hill) film.

But no, it turns out I was wrong.

Sometimes The Good Kill takes a look at the sordid things that happen behind the scenes at a convent, a question that has apparently obsessed audiences since the first time they heard Hamlet order Ophelia to “get thee to a nunnery!”  Someone is killing nuns, but why?  Things get off to a start when the old Mother Superior is found underneath a ladder.  Then another is found drowned in a bathtub.  The new Mother Superior (Allison Hossack) wants the murders to remain a secret because the convent is struggling financially.  So, instead of calling the police, she just puts the bodies in a freezer.  Fortunately, the newest arrival at the convent — Sister Talia (Susie Abrometi) — has a mysterious past.  She knows the streets.  She knows the darkest aspects of human nature.  Mother Superior wants Talia to solve these murders and she even hands her a gun to make the job easier.

Wow, that sounds like a lot of fun, doesn’t it?  It does but, once you get over the novelty of nuns hiding guns and solving murders, Sometimes The Good Kill settles down to be a fairly typical Lifetime movie.  The film moves at a rather stately pace and its full of scenes of nuns gossiping in low voices and sometimes, I found myself straining to understand what everyone was saying.  Speaking as someone who comes from an Irish/Italian/Spanish Catholic background, this is a film that I wanted to enjoy more than I actually did.

That said, here are a few words of praise.  While the film’s pacing may have been off, it was relatively well-performed.  My favorite suspect was Sister Jean (Deborah Grover), because she didn’t trust anyone and had no fear of letting people know that.  Even when told that “we’re all Gods creatures,” Sister Jean responded by rolling her eyes. We’ve all known a Sister Jean.  And then there was skittish Sister Mai (Lisa Troung), who was freaked out by the poor people who regularly showed up to ask for food.  Both Grover and Troung did very well in their roles.

Finally, I liked the look of the film.  Sometimes The Good Kill was full of visual atmosphere and took full advantage of its gothic setting.  The film had a visual moodiness, one that kept me watching even when the story itself was lacking.

That said, my favorite gun-carrying nun remains Ms. 45.

Sci-Fi Film Review: When the Sky Falls (dir by John L’Ecuyer)


I guess it’s open to debate as to whether or not When The Sky Falls is truly a science fiction movie.  It deals with a huge storm that basically produces extremely powerful lightning and the lightning occasionally appears to have a mind of its own.  I have no idea if there’s any scientific basis for this.  I don’t really understand how lightning works, other than the fact that you don’t want to stand under a tree in a lightning storm and you definitely do not want to get struck.

But, regardless of whether the film is scientifically accurate or not, I still feel like this should be considered a science fiction movie.  First off, there’s the fact that the lightning itself often does seem to be intentionally targeting the film’s heroes.  Though the film never specifically states this as fact, it does seem as if the lightning has developed enough of a personality to hold a grudge against those attempting to escape it.  Secondly, the film’s main character is an ozone researcher and that just seems like an appropriate job for a character in a science fiction film.  And finally, despite the fact that it premiered on the Lifetime Movie Network, the entire film feels like it belongs on the SyFy network.

Seriously, everything about this film — from the acting to the cheap but crudely effective special effects to the environmentalist protagonist — feels reminiscent of a pre-Sharknado SyFy film.  (It’s easy to forget that, before Sharknado, SyFy films pretended to take themselves seriously.)  The plot even follows the standard SyFy formula — a dysfunctional family spends the weekend at a cabin in the woods and end up getting separated once the big lightning storm strikes.  They start out arguing and they end up depending on each other for survival.  And, perhaps most importantly of all, Dad gets to prove that he’s not as lame as everyone thinks.  If Lifetime films all build up to that moment when everyone realizes that mom was correct, SyFy films often celebrate the uncool but capable father figure.

Perhaps the most interesting thing about When The Sky Falls is that it was even on Lifetime Movie Network to begin with.  Compared to more traditional LMN films — like Confessions of a Go-Go Girl and The Perfect TeacherWhen The Sky Falls feels a bit out-of-place.  Perhaps next year, SyFy will return the favor and produce a sequel to Back To School Mom.

But anyway, what about the film itself?  In no way can it compare to either SyFy or Lifetime at its best.  The script is predictable, the actors struggle with some seriously undeveloped characters, and the film never finds a steady pace.  Some parts of the film seem way too slow while others seem to be oddly rushed.  On the plus side, when taken on their own terms, some of the lightning effects are kind of fun and the film was shot in Canada so, at the very least, you get to see some really pretty scenery.

Seriously, I love Canada!

Love you, Canada!

Love you, Canada!