Katie Boland – Through the Shattered Lens

When I was growing up, my family moved around a lot. When it came to school, it wasn’t unusual for me to finish the fall semester in one state and then start the spring semester at a totally different school in another state. By the time I was 12, I had attended schools in Texas, Arkansas, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Colorado, and Louisiana. Whenever I mention that to people, they always express some sympathy that I didn’t have more stability in my life when I was younger. While I appreciate the thought, it didn’t really bother me that much at the time. It all seemed perfectly normal.

There was one thing that always remained consistent. No matter what state I was in or what school I was attending, there was always at least one person in my class who (1) had a food allergy and (2) would freak out about it at the most inopportune times. “Does this have peanuts in it?” they would ask while looking down at the pepperoni pizza that had been ordered as a reward for the class. “I’ll die if there are peanuts in it.” And, of course, there were never any peanuts in it. But just hearing that someone could die if they ate a peanut, a banana, or a mango had a way of really ruining the mood. Often, it felt as if I was expected to feel guilty because I could actually eat food that they couldn’t.

The 2024 Lifetime film Yoga Teacher Killer: The Kaitlin Armstrong Story features a scene in which Kaitlin (Caity Lotz) is attending a yoga class. She tells everyone that she’s currently the business manager for the best “gravel rider” in the country, Colin Strickland (Kyle Schmid). No one in the class has heard of Colin, and it also appears that they don’t know that gravel riding is a type of competitive bicycle racing. Kaitlin reacts to this news by suddenly freaking out about finding a mango in a fruit cup. She claims to be allergic to them and then starts to breathe extremely rapidly while clutching at her throat. Someone asks if she has an EpiPen. Kaitlin shakes her head and then gasps that she needs some Benadryl. The interesting thing about this scene is that Kaitlin is obviously faking, and everyone in the class knows that she’s faking, but they’re also scared to point that out. So everyone has to sit there politely while Kaitlin pretends to be having a life-threatening allergic reaction.

As the scene shows, Kaitlin has an obsessive need to be the center of attention and, when she’s not, she’ll create drama to make sure that she is. When Colin briefly breaks up with her, Kaitlin makes up a story about being chased by an unknown man to win him back. Unfortunately, when Kaitlin learns that Colin briefly dates Moriah Wilson (Larissa Dias) during the time they were separated, Kaitlin loses it. Moriah is younger and more successful than Kaitlin, and Kaitlin’s obsession with her leads first to threatening phone calls before moving on to murder.

Yoga Teacher Killer is based on a real-life 2022 murder that occurred down here in Texas. The film plays up the fact that Kaitlin Armstrong was a yoga instructor even though yoga really didn’t have much to do with the actual crime. It’s pretty much a standard Lifetime true crime film, one that is distinguished by Caity Lotz’s memorably unhinged performance as Kaitlin Armstrong. The film ends with a title card informing us that Kaitlin now teaches yoga in prison. One can only assume that she’s being accommodated with a mango-free diet.

Kelty Crawford (Abigail Breslin) is thirty years old and troubled. She’s the epitome of almost every Generation Z cliche imaginable. Haunted by a terrible accident and various guilt and mental issues, she currently has few career prospects, little money, and an upcoming wedding that is going to cost her a fortune.

She’s also having trouble sleeping. She sleepwalks and, when she does wake up, she’s doing strange things like eating the toothpaste straight out of the tube. Both to make some extra cash and to try to find out what is at the root of her sleepwalking, Kelty agrees to take part in a sleep study that is being conducted by the rather shady Dr. Baylour (Michael Eklund). Baylour gives her a shot of a powerful drug. Kelty falls into a deep sleep and she immediately has dreams about killing a man that she doesn’t know.

During her waking hours, Kelty is shocked to sees a news story about how the body of the man she dreamed of killing has recently been discovered. Kelty fears that she killed the man in her sleep. Kelty is also shocked when Dr. Baylour vanishes without paying her for taking part in his sleep study. Hey, Dr. Baylour — she’s got a wedding to pay for!

I had high hopes for I Killed Him In My Sleep. Abigail Breslin, who was just ten years old when she was nominated for an Oscar for her performance in Little Miss Sunshine, has developed into a good actress and she especially seems to be well-cast as people who are dealing with dark secrets. The film’s premise sounded intriguing. It sounded like I Killed Him In My Sleep would embrace the melodrama, much in the same way that Doug Campbell and Eric Roberts did with the Stalked By My Doctor series. (Remember Stalked By My Doctor: A Sleepwalker’s Nightmare? That was a classic!) And, to give credit where credit is due, this film did feature one twist that actually did take me by surprise.

And yet, with all that in mind, I Killed Him In My Sleep fell flat for me. A lot of it is because, instead of fully embracing the melodrama and cheerfully celebrating the excess that goes along with it, the film moves very slowly and seems to take itself very seriously. With its muted cinematography and its overly talky characters, this is a film that tries so hard to be naturalistic that it instead ends up feeling even more fake than usual. Abigail Breslin is a good actress and she probably does about as well as anyone could have with this role. Unfortunately, her dialogue sounds more like a series of social media posts than an actual human being. Kelty may not be a typical Lifetime heroine but that she’s also just not that interesting.

That said, the plot had potential and the nightmare scenes were well-directed. The film captured the feeling of waking up disorientated and not being quite sure what you’ve just spent the last few hours doing. A few nights ago, I dreamt that I had a job at a retirement community and that I did so well that everyone living there was happier than they had ever been. That was a nice dream and far better than killing people.