So, I Watched Grind (2003, Dir. by Casey La Scala)

Posted on June 15, 2025 by Dazzling Erin

Grind is about four annoying skaters who are obsessed with bodily functions and who want to get sponsored so they travel across the country and try to con their way into competing in events. Adam Brody plays the skater who lets them use his college fund to pay for their road trip, which was really stupid of him to do. They got sponsored but not because they’re any good. They just happen to meet a skater named Jamie (Jennifer Morrison) who knows their hero (Jason London) and helps them out because she’s nice. I’m nice too but I wouldn’t have helped out those chuckleheads. I guess the lesson here is that you should just stand around and eventually, someone will give you some money.

When I started Grind, I thought it seemed familiar but I could have sworn that I have never seen it before. Then Matt (Vince Vieluf), one of the most disgusting character to ever appear in a movie, told a woman that he was a representative of the “Release Them Twins Foundation,” and I remembered that, when this movie came out, MTV used to show the commercial for it a hundred times a day. I remembered thinking, at the time, that it looked like the dumbest movie ever made and it turns out I was right.

If I had to choose between rewatching Grind or watching two hours of projectile vomit, it wouldn’t be a choice because they’re pretty much the same thing.

I Watched Love Is On The Air (2021, Dir. by Arvin N. Berner)

Posted on February 15, 2025 by Dazzling Erin

Adam Smasher (Jason London) is the family friendly version of Howard Stern, an obnoxious shock jock who has just been fired from his radio job and, due to nearly crashing into a cow, finds himself stranded in a small North Carolina town. He gets a job on the local radio station, co-hosting a call-in show with Eve Cassidy (Lauren Harper). At first, Adam and Eve don’t mix. Adam is cynical and Eve actually wants to help people with their relationship issues. After a few days, Adam learns to appreciate country living and Eve falls in love with him even though she’s dating the station manager, Jamel (Ian Reier Michaels). Adam shows he’s a soft touch when he buys a bunch of sandwiches for a poor family and Eve starts to loosen up and have more fun on the air. Eve is offered her own show in Chicago and has to decide between her career and Adam.

This isn’t a Hallmark film but it might as well be. I enjoyed it even though I knew everything that was going to happen, from the minute Adam first heard Eve on the radio and called in to “smash” her. (I actually had to check to see when this movie has been made because Adam’s whole act seemed to be from the 1990s.) This is one of those movies where you know what you’re getting from the start. If you’re surprised that Adam brings a carousel down to the station for Eve to ride during a commercial break, you’ve probably never seen one of these movies before. I liked the cozy small town town feel of the location and I think Jason London should be in more movies. I also think it’s funny that 99% of these movies start with someone having car trouble. If people knew how to drive, they would never fall in love.

Blood Harvest (2023, directed by Danny LeGare)

Posted on October 14, 2024 by Jedadiah Leland

“You have no idea the sacrifice I have made for this land!” Uncle Ollie (Greg Nutcher) yells when his family complain about life on the farm. They’re about to find out, though.

The audience will figure it out before Neil (Troy Escoda) and his clairovoyant son, Jake (Ian Hernandez-Oropeza). As soon as they arrive at the farm, Jake starts having visions of sacrifices and women having their tongues cut out. It’s easy to figure out what the farmers in the town due to ensure that they’ll have a good crop but no one in the movie is as smart as those of us watching at home.

The movie probably would have been scarier if I could have actually heard or understood half the dialogue. The film’s sound quality is terrible. I even checked my hearing aid to make sure that it wasn’t a problem on my end. Some of the dialogue has been obviously dubbed. Some scenes are too loud. Some scenes you can’t hear anything at all.

There’s not much of a story here so everything gets dragged out. “Have you wondered why there are no children her!?” Uncle Ollie yells while swinging around an axe. Nah, Ollie, we figure it out a while ago.

The Terror Experiment (2010, directed by George Mendeluk)

Posted on October 21, 2023 by Jedadiah Leland

At the Houston Federal Building, a disgruntled domestic terrorists sets off a bomb that not only rocks the building but also unleashes a government-designed nerve gas that turns anyone exposed to it into an animalistic, rage-fueled zombie who attacks everyone that they see. Soon, the building is full of former friends and co-workers who are now obsessed with ripping each other to shreds. The few people who were not exposed to the nerve gas are hiding on the top floor. Under the reluctant leadership of Cale (Jason London), they try to figure out how to escape from the building.

Meanwhile, on the outside, Police Chief Grosso (C. Thomas Howell) and Fire Chief Lohan (Lochlyn Munro) attempt to rescue as many people as they can before the building is blown up. The scientist on the scene (Robert Carradine) sees all of this as a research opportunity while a sinister government agent (Judd Nelson) conspires to keep word about what has happened from reaching the public.

With its images of suit-and-tie wearing madmen trying to kill everyone in the building, The Terror Experiment may seem like it would have much in common with The Belko Experiment (which came out a few years after Terror Experiment) but actually, The Terror Experiment is mash-up of Die Hard and 28 Days Later, with Jason London and Lochlyn Munro filling in for Bruce Willis and Reginald Veljohnson. With its frequent scenes of formerly normal people suddenly going mad and turning into homicidal maniacs, The Terror Experiment has its effective moments and Jason London does the best that anyone probably could with the role of the film’s reluctant hero. But the film also suffers because you never really get to know who any of these people were before they were trapped in the building and there aren’t really any emotional stakes to whether or not they’ll manage to get out. As well, the scenes outside the building often fill like filler that was included so that some “name” actors could be recruited to appear in the film. Howell, Carradine, and Nelson are all fine in their roles but the only thing they add to the movie is an opportunity to recreate the one of the most crowd-pleasing moments from the finale of Die Hard.

The Terror Experiment is occasionally diverting but it’s hard not to feel that it never really reaches its potential.

Horror On TV: Tales From The Crypt 5.7 “House of Horror” (dir by Bob Gale)

Posted on October 27, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Tonight’s excursion into televised horror is the 7th episode of the 5th season of HBO’s Tales From The Crypt!

House of Horrors has everything that you could possibly want from a Tales From The Crypt episode! A dumbass idiot frat boy (played by Kevin Dillon) forces three pledges to enter a supposedly haunted house. Mayhem ensues. This episode is full of atmosphere, dark humor, plot twists, and unexpected turns and it features two wonderfully over-the-top performances, one from Dillon and one from Meredith Salenger as a Southern-accented sorority president who may have a secret of her own.

This episode originally aired on October 27th, 1993 and is currently celebrating its 30th birthday.

Enjoy!

Lifetime Christmas Movie Review: The Christmas Contract (dir by Monika Mitchell)

Posted on December 23, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

There’s a very clever scene at the beginning of The Christmas Contract.

Jack Friedman (Robert Buckley) is a writer who can’t get any of the big publishing houses to even take a look at his new book. However, Jack’s agent informs him that they might change his mind if he does some ghostwriting. One can see from Jack’s reaction that this is not the first time that he’s been asked to be a ghostwriter and it’s not something that he particularly enjoys. Still, because one does have to eat, Jack agrees.

His agent tells him that he’ll be ghostwriting the latest installment in a very popular but critically dismissed series of romance novels. He’s told to go read the previous book in the series and then to basically rewrite it, just changing a few details so that it can be advertised as a totally new book. He’s given a list of plot points that the publishers want to be included in the book. Again, it’s not particularly important how the plot points are integrated into the story. Instead, they just have to be there.

Moonlight dance? Yep.

Kisses under the stars? Yep.

Oh, and the book needs to take place in Louisiana.

Now, you don’t have to be a part of the industry to realize that, in this scene, Jack is serving as a stand-in for every writer who has ever been assigned to write a Hallmark (or, let’s just be honest here, Lifetime) Christmas movie. Don’t try to reinvent the season, just make sure that the basics are there. Pick a new location and you’re ready to go!

With that scene, the makers of The Christmas Contract are acknowledging that, “yes, this is another Lifetime holiday movie.” And yes, it’s going to remind you of a lot of other Lifetime holiday movies. But, that still doesn’t mean that you can’t enjoy it. After all, the appeal of a movie like this is to be found in its familiarity. In an often chaotic world, there’s something to be said for the comfort of a good, if predictable, romance novel. The same can be said of a Lifetime Christmas movie.

Anyway, it’s a good thing that the publishers want the book to be set in Louisiana because that’s where Jack spends his holiday. He’s actually accompanying a recently single woman named Jodie (Hilarie Burton) back to her home for Christmas. Because Jodie’s ex-boyfriend is going to be visiting with his new girlfriend, Jodie doesn’t want her family to know that she’s single. So, Jack pretends to be her boyfriend. They even sign a contract ahead of time. And, yes, you can guess exactly what ends up happening but, again, that’s kind of the point with a movie like this.

The cast, which includes several veterans of One Tree Hill, does a good job with the material but the true star of this film is the state of Louisiana. This film makes full use of the beautiful Louisiana landscape and the celebratory nature of the state’s culture. It may have been predictable but it was still enjoyable. Spending the holidays with Jodie, Jack, and the family looked like a lot of fun.

2017 in Review: The Best of SyFy

Posted on January 11, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Continuing my look back at the best of 2017, today is the day that I reveal my picks for the best SyFy movies and performances of the previous year!

But before I do that, a plea to the SyFy Network. I make this plea every year and it never does any good. It probably won’t do any good this year. But still, I’m going to make it. SyFy, give us more original films! From a business point of view, I can understand why SyFy shifted their focus from movies to episodic television. But I’m not a business person! I’m a movie lover, one who has wonderful memories of when every weekend would bring another gloriously over-the-top SyFy movie.

Those were wonderful days and it’s sad that the only time that I get to relive them is either during Shark Week or during October.

Seriously, SyFy — give us more original movies!

With that in mind, here are my picks for the best of 2017 SyFy:

(All credits are based on what’s listed at the imdb. If anyone has been incorrectly credited or left out, please leave a comment and I will correct the mistake.)

Best Picture — House of the Witch (produced by Neil Elman, Margaret Huddleston, Bryan Sexton)

This haunted house movie was effectively creepy and featured some unexpectedly starting imagery. Runners-up (and it was a close race): Trailer Park Shark, Sharknado 5, and The Sandman.

Best Director — Griff Furst for Trailer Park Shark

The idea of sharks attacking a trailer park sounds like a huge joke but Furst crafted it into a compelling and entertaining story that celebrated redneck ingenuity.

Best Actor — Ian Ziering in Sharknado 5

The fifth time is the charm as Ziering gives his best performance so far as the chainsaw-wielding Finn.

Best Actress — Haylie Duff in The Sandman

Duff brings some much-needed gravity to the role of a formerly irresponsible aunt trying to save her niece from a monster made of sand.

Best Supporting Actor — Jason London in Mississippi River Sharks and Dennis Haskins in Trailer Park Shark

As much as I tried, I simply could not make a choice between London’s comedic performance (as himself) and Dennis Haskins’s villainous turn. So, we have a tie!

Best Supporting Actress — Shae Smolik in The Sandman

As the girl being haunted by the Sandman, Smolik gave a refreshingly realistic performance.

Best Screenplay — Neil Elman for House of the Witch

This is the third year in a row that Neil Elman has won in this category.

Best Cinematography — Dane Lawing for House of the Witch

House of the Witch feature some truly haunting images. In my review, I raved about one shot in particular, of a pickup truck driving across the desolate landscape in the middle of the night.

Best Costumes — Mary-Sue Morris for Empire of the Sharks and Kendra Terpenning for Neverknock

Another tie. Empire of the Sharks proved that, just because the world’s ending, that doesn’t mean you can’t look good, Neverknock’s costumes made good use of the Halloween setting, especially with Lola Flannery’s devil costume.

Best Editing — Anna Florit and Ryan Michelle for Sharknado 5

In 2017, Sharknado 5 took us on a trip around the world, offered up nonstop action, and there was never a boring moment.

Best Makeup — Madeleine Botha for Empire of the Sharks

Again, just because the world’s ending, that doesn’t mean you can’t look good.

Best Score — Andrew Morgan Smith for Trailer Park Shark

The score brought the bayou, the trailer park, and the shark to life!

Best Production Design — Anthony Stabley and Dana Rice for House of the Witch

Seriously, that house was so creepy!

Best Sound — Dylan Blount, Leandro Cassan, Jonathan Iglecias , Mitchell Kohen, Chris Polczinski, Mike Varela for House of the Witch

It wasn’t just the way the house looked in House of the Witch that made it a creepy place. It was also the way that every sound in the background could have just been someone stumbling around or it could have been the witch about to jump out and rip off someone’s fingers.

Best Visual Effects — Craig Bassuk, Sasha Burrow, Yancy Calzada, Glenn Campbell , Yolanda Charlo Rodriguez, Aine Graham, John Karner, Tammy Klein, Mark Kochinski , Kevin Lane, Christian McIntire, James Payfer, Richard A. Payne, Paul Runyan, Chris Simmons, Scott Wheeler, Aaron Witlin,
Al Magliochetti for Sharknado 5

Keep those sharks flying!

Tomorrow, my look back at 2017 continues with my list of good things that I saw on television last year (not counting, of course, all of the good things that I just mentioned in this post).

Previous entries in the TSL’s Look Back at 2017:

Let’s Talk About Mississippi River Sharks (dir by Misty Talley)

Posted on August 5, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Oh my God — sharks in the Mississippi River!?

Hey, why not? Listen, SyFy has been showing shark films for over four years straight now. We’ve had zombie sharks. We’ve had toxic sharks. We had a ghost shark. We’ve had a planet of the sharks. The sharks have taken over the oceans. They’ve taken over the jersey shore. There’s even a movie called Sand Sharks, in which the sharks take over the beach! And, let’s not forget that SyFy and the Asylum have built an entire franchise around the idea that sharks can survive in a tornado. (And I haven’t even mentioned what happens in Shark Exorcist.)

My point is that there are a lot of shark movies and, as a result, the sharks are having to branch out and explore new aquatic territory. It was inevitable that the sharks would eventually find their way to the Mississippi River.

As soon as I saw the title of this movie, I thought to myself, “Please tell me that this movie will open with a big old riverboat getting attacked by sharks.” You can imagine how happy I was when, less than five minutes into the film, that’s exactly what happened. When you’re watching a movie on SyFy and you see a bunch of CGI sharks jumping onto the deck of a riverboat and snapping off people’s heads, you know you’re in a good hands. You know you’re going to be properly entertained for the next two hours.

Really, when it comes to shark movies, all you really need are the sharks and some victims who, for whatever reason, refuse to stay out of the water. However, Mississippi River Sharks offers a bit more than that. After the sharks get finished with that riverboat, they move on down the Mississippi and attack a small town’s annual “fish rodeo.” Needless to say, a fish rodeo always tends to attract the most eccentric among us and this one is no different. For instance, there’s Possum (Kevin J. McGrath), who isn’t going to let a little thing like a shark attack stand in the way of his quest to win a trophy. There’s Big Bill (Marco St. John), who owns the local car dealership and who doesn’t see why the presence of a few sharks should stand in the way of making a little money. There’s Wyatt (Dean West), who has a way with a quip and quickly emerged as a favorite of the viewing audience. And then there’s Tara (played by Cassie Steele, star of both Degrassi and Zombie Shark) who quickly shows that she knows just how to deal with ill-tempered sharks.

Finally, there’s Jason London, playing the role of …. Jason London! That’s right, Jason London plays himself in Mississippi River Sharks. In the film’s universe, Jason is well-known for starring in multiple editions of the Shark Bite franchise. (“We don’t talk about Shark Bite 3!” Jason snaps.) When Jason accepted the invitation to be the fish rodeo’s special celebrity guest, he never realized that he would have to face real-life sharks! However, when those sharks do arrive, this movie hero proves himself to be … well, not much of a hero. Watch the movie to see what happens. I’ll just say that London is hilarious and it’s a lot of fun to watch him pretending to be a pretentious and stuck-up movie star. He delivers his lines with just the right amount of weary annoyance.

(And yes, there is a Jeremy London joke but I won’t spoil it.)

(Also, it’s mentioned that Jason London also starred in Here Comes Santa Jaws and Raiders of the Lost Shark. Seriously, somebody needs to make these two films.)

Now that the sharks have invaded the Mississippi River, where will the sharks show up next year? Well, just remember this — the Mississippi River is the biggest river in the United States. Those sharks could end up anywhere. Personally, I’m hoping for Minnesota Winter Sharks.

We’ll see what happens!

Horror On TV: Tales From The Crypt 5.7 “House of Horror” (dir by Bob Gale)

Posted on October 17, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Tonight’s excursion into televised horror is the 7th episode of the 5th season of HBO’s Tales From The Crypt!

This episode originally aired on October 27th, 1993.

Enjoy!

Horror On TV: Night Visions 1.1 “The Passenger List” (dir by Yves Simoneau) and “The Bokor” (dir by Keith Gordon)

Posted on October 15, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Do y’all remember an old show called Night Visions?

Night Visions was a horror anthology show that ran for a season in 2001. It got some good reviews as a summer replacement series but it struggled to find an audience. After the 9-11 attacks, the show was preempted for three weeks straight and, when it finally did come back, I imagine that viewers weren’t really in the mood for a horror anthology, not when they had real-life horror to deal with on a daily basis.

And so, Night Visions was canceled but apparently, it still has a strong cult following.

Below is the very first episode of Night Visions. It originally aired on July 12th, 2001 and it tells two stories. In the Passenger List, a man investigating a plane crash starts to doubt his own sanity. In the Bokor, a group of medical students make the mistake of cutting into the cadaver of a powerful voodoo priest. Mayhem follows.

From what I’ve seen on YouTube, it looks like Night Visions was actually pretty good so enjoy this episode!

(And yes, each episode was hosted by Henry Rollins.)